Eye of the Storm
by CileSuns92
Summary: Storm 2. With Derek safely back in Seattle, Meredith and Derek attempt to return to normalcy, in the EYE OF THE STORM. [Sequel to A Storm is Going to Come/Season 12 AU]. Co-written with Nicole aka Paisley Mae.
1. Prologue

**Irene's A/N: Welcome back to all the old readers from _A Storm Is Going To Come_ , and welcome to all the new readers! If you guys are new, you'd better read Part 1 first, because we'll make references to it along the way, but we also tried to write the trilogy in a way that they could be standalone stories, so don't worry if you're a little rusty on the details either.**

 **Now, this prologue will leave you with lots of questions, but bear with us. We left our Meredith and Derek deliriously happy, after having signed their post-it footnote and having started to read Meredith's blog. This prologue is how we'll find them a few months down the line.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Prologue**

* * *

 **After**

* * *

Meredith sighs slowly, blinks slowly, breathes in slowly, overwhelming tiredness settling behind her eyelids.

She watches as Bailey's mischievous face appears from the hole of the t-shirt she's helping him into. He giggles when she tries to style his short hair, now sticking up everywhere, back into its original shape. His eyes are so bright, so light, his lashes so long; sometimes she wonders how she gave birth to him, raised him, shaped him into the toddler he is now.

She feels like she doesn't deserve him.

Bailey bounces a little as she helps him into his training pants, followed by his shorts, then wobbles back to his toddler bed, ready for his shoes. She hands them to him one after the other, checking out his appearance one last time, before her fingers go over the purple, angry bruise on his left knee, kissing his skin softly like she does every morning. Then she lifts up his shirt, repeating the healing kissing all over his soft, round, and now yellowish-purple tummy. She ends her kissing therapy over the bruise on his cheek and the stitched up cut marring the skin above his left eyebrow. She can feel the bumps under the skin-colored bandage, and Bailey giggles even louder.

"Out," he grins. "Out, Mama!"

"No, Bailey, not today. The stitches need to stay in a couple more days."

Bailey's smile disappears, his eyes losing the sparkle in a matter of heartbeats, in a way that reminds her of Derek. Her heart clenches.

"Mama, breakfast is ready!" Zola's voice is being carried out in the hallway, her daughter appearing in the doorway just a second after, her smile softer than her brother's, her eyes still filled with sleep, though her clothes are impeccable.

Meredith raises herself up from the kneeling position she assumed while she helped Bailey with his clothes, picking up her little boy from under his armpits, squeezing him gently before she carries him to the kitchen. Zola is quick to grab her free hand, sliding into step with them.

Her daughter is wearing the apron Amelia gave her for her birthday, her smile proud when she shows Meredith the slice of toast spread with jam in a plate on the kitchen island, then she goes to open the fridge and takes out the milk, cereal already poured in two bowls.

Zola made breakfast. Meredith swallows thickly, partly proud of the way Zola is growing up caring and strong, the other part of her heartbroken that she had to grow up so fast, so quickly. Just like she did.

Meredith's throat closes up even further when she sees the front door opening and Derek coming inside. He has his good jeans on, though he's still wearing one of his soft, worn shirts, the ones she loves putting on herself. She feels like she hadn't worn one of his tees in forever.

Derek barely turns around after closing the door before Bailey barrels towards him, hugging his legs, begging to be picked up. Derek grins, picking him up, but the smile barely reaches his eyes as he does so. He looks worn out.

"'Tiches out," Bailey yelps, poking Derek in the eyebrow, in a place similar to the one he has his own stitches, only meeting pink flesh, though.

"No, we can't take them out yet, Bailey."

Bailey frowns, his face even darker now because of his bruise. "Wim!"

"Yes, you can try swimming in the pool again when you don't have stitches, not now." Derek smiles gently, trying to pacify him. "There are benefits from not being hurt, uh?"

"I fine." Bailey shudders, and Meredith cringes. Bailey already sounds like her.

"You will be fine, yes," Derek pacifies him, poking him in his belly. Both of them share a quiet laugh. Everything seems almost normal when Derek is smiling like that. The smile is suddenly gone when he turns to meet her eyes, his gaze cold. "Mommy is going to pick you up from daycare today, but we're going to try to have lunch together. Does that sound fun?"

Bailey grins, but Meredith frowns, and she feels compelled to break their wall of silence. "I thought it was your turn to pick them up?"

"I'm busy," he quips curtly, his gaze barely shifting towards her. "I have a late surgery."

"Well, I'm busy too, it was your turn," she growls, trying not to snap. Not when the kids are there. They've seen enough trauma for a lifetime.

"So what, are Amelia or Alex going to work as part-time school bus drivers on top of being surgeons? Aren't we able to organize ourselves decently enough to take care of our own kids?"

She doesn't reply, in spite of the seething anger inside her. She focuses on her cereal and her toast, the jam not on the plate, the milk spilled over the granite of the kitchen island.

She's tired of snapping at him, so damn tired.

* * *

" _In the OR, time loses all meaning. In the midst of sutures, and saving lives... the clock ceases to matter. 15 minutes... 15 hours — inside the OR, the best surgeons make time fly. Outside the OR, however, time takes pleasure in kicking our asses. For even the strongest of us it seems to play tricks. Slowing down... hovering... until it freezes. Leaving us stuck in a moment — unable to move in one direction or the other._

 _Time flies. Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go. Time."_

Meredith's words reverberate in Derek's head. She'd written that blog entry not long after their prom affair, right after he told her that _she_ had a choice to make, because when he had a choice to make, he'd chosen wrong.

It all feels like a million years ago, sometimes.

Is time _really_ the healer of all wounds?

It seems like, to Derek, that time is the _creator_ of all wounds. Wounds heal, then new ones are sliced open in place of the old ones. There's really no escape.

And scars never heal completely. They just fade.

Derek watches Meredith stew as she stares blankly at her plate and her bowl of cereal, and he feels a lump in his throat.

He doesn't want to yell, he really doesn't, but sometimes it's just so easy, so much easier, than dealing with everything going through his head. Yelling feels freeing, and he has no idea why she feels like the perfect target for it.

"Daddy, I'm sorry I didn't made breakfast for you too, we no gots your cereal no more, Daddy," Zola says, munching on her Fruit Loops, a sad expression on her lips. "We're gonna get more, right, Mama?"

Derek shifts the bowl of cereal with milk in front of Zola, stealing a spoonful of it to quell his hunger. This cereal clogs arteries, but he's too worn out to argue about this too. He just munches on the colorful treat, casting that fight aside.

Zola quietly moves to sit flushed to Meredith's side, barely giving her any room to raise the spoon to her lips. His wife doesn't even flinch at the intrusion in her personal space, but doesn't reply to Zola either.

She looks worn out, and beautiful, but mostly worn out.

"I'll pick them up," he concedes, out of guilt, out of pity, he doesn't know. He just knows that he can barely look at his wife anymore without feeling all these overwhelming, unnamed set of emotions. "I'll pick them up from daycare."

"Okay," she gives in too, her voice barely sounding like hers, her eyes still on her uneaten toast. "Okay."

He feels like they're an echo of what could have been, ghosts moving in and out of their life, their routine, their comfort zones, and he has no idea how to change that. Their world has shifted, thrown them a curveball, and they're still reeling from it.

Sometimes he wonders how long the reeling will last; other times, he's glad they're still standing in the first place. Even if most of the time they are standing so apart he wants to burst into tears.

Breakfast proceeds in an awkward silence, Zola bombarding him with questions and tales and retelling events almost as if she hasn't seen him in years, and he feels misplaced. Like this home is not his home anymore.

"Daddy, can we see ET again?" Zola asks in a small voice, the spoon clinking in her bowl as she finishes her cereal. He takes a deep breath, avoiding his daughter's pleading eyes.

Meredith sends him daggers with her eyes, and he turns towards the cabinets, trying to compose himself.

"Dr. Wyatt was there yesterday, Daddy! I wanna see them again!"

He shrugs the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, waiting for a reaction from Meredith, but nothing comes.

"Maybe tomorrow, sweetheart."

Silence settles there again after Zola sighs loudly, getting up to rinse her cereal bowl, then putting it in the dishwasher.

In this deafening silence, without Meredith's giggle and happy soul, no place can feel like home.

* * *

After Zola and Bailey finish their breakfasts, Derek gathers both kids to leave for the hospital. He's been working a lot since he's gone back. She's glad he's working again. It's one step toward normalcy. If there is a such thing as normalcy, that is. For her and Derek, she's not sure what normalcy is. It seems like they're always trying to put the pieces back together. Broken has become their normal.

Why does it feel like every time they take one step forward, they take at least a dozen steps backward all at the same time?

Derek slams the door behind him, and her family vanishes.

It feels like they've been gone much longer than just a few seconds, though.

She stares blankly at the wooden door, wishing maybe Zola had forgotten something, so they would come back, and she could sneak a glance at her fallen family. But no one comes.

Silence rings in her ears. It's quiet. _Too_ quiet.

The solemn quiet is interrupted by the sound of footsteps stomping down the stairs. Meredith turns her head only briefly to see her sister-in-law's face. She didn't even know Amelia was still here. Meredith frowns at the sight of her.

"Hey, uh, so Derek left with the kids?" Amelia asks, scoping out the room. When Meredith doesn't answer, though, Amelia says, "So, I know this probably isn't a good time to say this, but I think I'm going to be moving out soon." Meredith just keeps staring, barely hearing what her sister-in-law is saying. Amelia continues talking, though, despite not receiving a response. "I know you and Derek have had a rough year, and I want you to know I'm here for you. If you need me to be a bus driver or whatever, I'll do it."

That's when Meredith looks at Amelia. "You heard that?" Meredith asks, her voice ghastly nonchalant.

"I did. I hope you're not upset, but it's time. I need space, and so do you," Amelia says firmly, but Meredith can't bring herself to reply. Her mind is adrift, her head trapped in a chilling, hazy fog. She doesn't recognize this place. "And just to set the record straight, this is _not_ about last night. I'm not judging you. I'm clearly not in a place to judge you."

 _Last night_. Meredith's body numbs. She doesn't want to think about last night. Her eyes focus out the window. It's a cloudy, humid Seattle morning, but it looks peaceful out there. Calm. Tranquil.

Time stands still. She looks up, and the happy bubble bursts. They're trapped in the eye of the storm.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: Welcome back to the** _ **Storm**_ **roller coaster! We never said it would be easy, did we? That wouldn't be any fun. Now, we've left you with a lot of questions, so please sound off in the reviews with your thoughts. All I can say is: Not everything is as it appears. What that entails, I say no more.**

 **Chapter 1 will pick up approximately six weeks after where** _ **A Storm is Going to Come**_ **leaves off, so it'll conveniently be around April 2015. Feel free to use this story as your alternate end to season 11 and season 12. That's what I'm doing. As Irene and I always say, no matter what darkness we put Meredith and Derek through, there's always light at the end of the tunnel, and they'll be standing together** **in that light.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Nicole's A/N: Hi all! We know we left a lot ambiguous last chapter, and like we said, not everything is as it appears. It'll all make sense eventually and come into a full circle. Also, many of you believed there were no mentions of Baby #3. Actually, believe it or not, there was!**

 **Obviously, this is not always going to be a happy, fluffy story at all times, we wanted to prepare you for that, which is why we gave you a glimpse into their future. Let's go back some months before the prologue, now...**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

* * *

 **Before**

* * *

Meredith Grey collapses out of what feels like thin air, her body fortunately supported by the sturdy kitchen table. Every limb in her body tingles as she recovers from the intense, though relieving, orgasm.

Derek Shepherd is bending over her, gazing heartfeltly into her eyes, his blue irides sparkling. She feels his love transfusing from his eyes into hers.

Six weeks. They've made it six full weeks without a serious argument, and her mind is still blown. It's like taking a breath of fresh air, over and over again. She can't remember the last time she and Derek were this at ease around each other.

Maybe the post-it footnote really is working.

Everything he's done over the last six weeks has reminded her of why she fell in love with him in the first place. It's like the stars are finally aligned, for the first time in a long, long time.

They've settled into a comfortable daily routine, which begins with a well-balanced, nourishing breakfast every morning. She'd forgotten what it was like to have more than cereal or pop tarts in her diet. She finds herself much more alert during the day, and feeling healthier and happier.

Then they have developed a routine of taking the kids to the hospital together. Every morning they ride the ferry together. They go up to the deck as a family, the wind blissfully blowing their hair as they transport across the bay to Seattle. It's a beautiful way to start the day.

After they've kissed the kids goodbye, if they don't have surgeries scheduled or consults to get to, they sneak away to an on-call room for a quickie, and then they go about their days.

Sometimes they cross paths throughout the day, other times they're too busy saving lives in separate worlds. Pregnancy hormones have not shown any signs of going away anytime soon, though, so Meredith can't refrain from sometimes paging him 911 for a middle-of-the-day sex date when she has time. He hasn't complained.

Sometimes she feels like they're teenagers again, screwing each other like bunnies. Except they're not teenagers. They're adults who are responsible for two children, and a third on the way, in addition to two high demanding careers.

Since their schedules are still wildly unpredictable, they don't always get to go home together. Sometimes they're both stuck at the hospital late, and it's Amelia who takes the kids home. Maggie has also stepped up as well, also volunteering to look after her niece and nephew. It's nice for the kids to have another aunt involved in their lives. Zola and Bailey adore Maggie. Meredith is glad to have a support system in place, so she doesn't feel like she's dumping the kids off on Callie or Arizona all the time.

The kids seem happy, nonetheless. Really, really happy.

They're all happy. Almost so happy that it scares Meredith to death. Maybe it's because she knows happiness never lasts forever. The other shoe will drop eventually. She doesn't know when it'll be or how it'll happen. But it will drop, she knows. That's just the way life - especially hers - works.

For now, though, she's going to embrace the happiness.

* * *

Derek can't stop smiling as he stares into his wife's glorious, mystic blue-green eyes. How is she so perfect? His hand nestles on her swollen belly. At almost fifteen weeks, now in the second trimester, Meredith looks much further along than she had with Bailey at this stage in her pregnancy. She can barely hide her pregnancy underneath her scrubs any longer. Fully naked and exposed, she is visibly very pregnant.

She stares back at him with wide eyes, and he can't help but wonder what's going on in that brilliant mind of hers.

He opens his mouth to prod for her thoughts, but before he utters a syllable, she slides off the table, her cheeks rosy as she hides below and pulls her shirt over her head.

He looks straight ahead at the wide-open window, realizing that all the lights in the house are on. His cheeks flush.

Amelia left around twenty minutes ago to take the kids for pizza, so he doesn't expect them back for at least another two hours. The only person who lives nearby is Owen, and there are plenty of trees separating their house and the trailer.

Still, just to be safe - in case the ferry isn't running or Amelia has to turn around for some god forsaken reason - he gathers his clothing remnants and redresses as well.

He and Meredith both finish dressing under the table, and after they're fully clothed, he finds himself leaning over her, gazing wholly into her eyes.

"Hi," he smiles.

"Hi," she echoes while he leans forward and pecks her lips.

"We could move this into the bedroom," he abruptly suggests a safer location for them to continue their evening, just the two of them. They haven't a night to themselves since Valentine's Day, and he wants to make the most of these couple hours. He'll do whatever it takes to please her. It's the reason he begged Amelia to take the kids tonight, so they could have alone time.

Fortunately, Meredith had already planned to take the night off, so he didn't need to convince her to spend the evening with him. It was a nice change, for once, since he knows Meredith isn't romance's biggest fan. She's been different lately, though. A good different. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, which also conveniently make her horny. He likes the hormones. Many men complain, but he has no complaints to make about hormones.

Derek knows that if they're going to maintain a strong, healthy relationship, they need to make more time for romance in their lives. It's something major that was missing from their relationship before DC. After they'd had kids, both had gotten so caught up being parents and surgeons that they'd forgotten to make time for romance.

Romance is the key to saving his marriage, he truly believes.

She's not quick to respond to his suggestion, though. Instead, she looks perplexed and deep in the thought. She's unreadable. Before he has a chance to prod for her thoughts, she blurts out: "Tent!"

He stares at her blankly, completely taken off guard. It's early April, and still pretty chilly outside. "You want to have sex in a tent?"

She nods eagerly, lunging from underneath the table, walking toward the refrigerator.

* * *

Her eyes are glued to the piece of notebook paper magnetized to the refrigerator. To the naked eye, it looks like a grocery list.

Locations are listed on the piece of paper instead of food items, though.

Fortunately, Amelia hasn't asked what the locations mean. They're locations that only hold meaning for Meredith and Derek.

She grabs the magnetic marker off the refrigerator and crosses off _Kitchen table_. Derek stands behind her, appearing to be watching her every move. "You want to add tent sex to the list? Really?"

"Yes, why not?" she shrugs.

Derek laughs. Meredith turns toward him, the marker in her hand, and glares.

"What's so funny?"

"It's just...you hate camping. Whenever I suggest it, you say no," he reminds her, looking at her with genuine confusion.

She raises an eyebrow peculiarly. "Who said anything about camping?" she teases. "We could just set up a tent in the backyard and have sex. No camping necessary."

Meredith wriggles her nose. Derek knows how she feels about camping, which explains his reaction. She knows camping isn't ever going to be a hobby of hers, even though she's never gone. The idea of being tormented by millions of mosquitos and not having access to a bathroom doesn't seem appealing. Especially now, when she has to pee every few blinks of an eye.

Speaking of which…

She makes a mad dash for the bathroom.

When she returns to the kitchen, her view of Derek's handsome face is blocked by the refrigerator door.

"Hmm," she hears him murmur, then he looks up and his piercing blue eyes lock with her eyes. "What do you want for dinner? We have carrots and celery that need used, so I was thinking about vegetable soup. What do you think? Should be easy on your stomach."

Fortunately, her morning sickness and nausea has subsided almost entirely, though certain foods still make her queasy. The smell of tomato-based sauces in pizza and lasagna still make her puke, and sugary foods - candy and pop - upset her stomach. This baby is definitely Derek's through and through.

She expects he or she will be born a health nut, just like Derek. At least she won't have to fight the baby to eat vegetables when it's time to start eating solid foods like they have to with Bailey.

Bailey is one hundred percent her son. She has to bribe him to eat his carrots, which seldom actually works. Usually she finds them in his highchair when she takes him out. He's a little sneaky guy.

"Vegetable soup sounds good," she decides, then avidly quips: "No tomatoes, though."

Derek chuckles. "I don't think there are any tomatoes in the house, Meredith. You wouldn't let me buy any, remember?"

"Yeah…that's right," she sighs, remembering that now as well. "The smell…"

"...makes you want to puke," he finishes her sentence, knowing her all-too well. "I know, Mere. You remind me on a daily basis." His tone is light and teasing, nowhere near harsh or hostile.

"I just wanted to make sure," she insists, innocently batting her eyelashes at him, showing him she's not upset at him in any way. It's strange, in a way, although relieving, to not being angry at him. She was mad at him for so long, and now it feels like there's nothing he can say to upset her. So much love and warmth permeates her heart, and she wants to cling to that. A warm heart is so much more satisfying than a bitter, cold, and angry one. She feels liberated.

He's smiling as he takes the vegetables out of the refrigerator and begins gathering the other ingredients. She's quick to step out of his way and take a seat at the bar, studying her husband as he works his magic in the kitchen.

Derek pauses after taking the large soup pan out of the cabinet. He raises his eyebrows at her. "So, you're just going to sit there and watch while I do all the work?" he smirks teasingly.

And she shrugs. "Well...yeah. I have the perfect view of a live cooking show from this spot."

He stares at her, point blank. "Meredith, you hate cooking shows."

"I do not," she counters.

"Well, why do you always mock me when I watch them?"

"Because you're a guy. Guys aren't supposed to watch cooking shows," she replies sincerely.

"Really? Well, it's funny that most of the chefs are guys…"

"Of course they're guys, because everyone knows it's sex appeal for the women who watch those shows," she quips. He stops at that, taking out his apron. "Speaking of sex appeal," she murmurs alluringly, sneaking up behind him, voluntarily assisting in tying the ropes of the robe. "Personally, I think you look sexy in an apron," she murmurs into his ear.

"Mmm, maybe I should start my own cooking show, then," he says.

"Nah," she shakes her head fervently, bluntly responding, "I don't want other women to be turned on by your sexiness."

A pause. She can't see his face from behind.

He then chuckles, turning around to embrace her, their arms linking together. In the midst of his laughter, he says, "Okay, then, I guess we'll have to stick to intimate live cooking shows."

Meredith gets lost in his warm, seductive tone. She can't help but contemplate untying the apron she's just connected, but then her stomach emits a low gurgle. They can't have sex right now unless she wants to starve, and she can't starve. It wouldn't be just her starving, it would be their baby starving too. She needs to think for both of their sakes now. Hopefully they'll have time to sneak in round two before Amelia gets back with the kids.

She snaps out of oblivion and pulls away from her man candy. "I, uh, guess I can set the table," she insists, reaching for the cabinet where the bowls are located.

"You do that. I'll just...be cooking," he flashes her a genuine, sexy smile as he begins dicing the carrots. She opens the silverware drawer.

It doesn't take her long to finish setting the table, since it's just the two of them, and they're just having soup. Setting two placemats, two bowls, two spoons, and two glasses on the table takes her less than five minutes.

She almost feels guilty that she sets the table so quickly, since Derek is slaving in the kitchen making their dinner, and she feels pretty useless. Okay, she knows he _enjoys_ cooking, but still, she feels bad. As much as she would be content just sitting and watching him cook, she feels like she should be doing something too.

 _Candles_ , she thinks. There should definitely be candles on the table. Since her one-attempt at hopeless romanticism, they have a lifetime supply of candles. They might as well be put to good use. Besides, she kind of likes the smell of burning wax. She always has, as weird as it sounds.

"That needs to simmer for twenty minutes," Derek says just as she finishes lighting the candles on the table.

"Twenty minutes, you say?" she flickers her eyebrows.

"Twenty minutes," he confirms, inching closer to her.

"We should put those minutes to good use, then," she smirks.

"I was thinking about taking a shower, but according to you, the shower is boring…"

"I could use a shower, too," she's fast to quip. "There's nothing wrong with boring, sometimes. It's...familiar. And familiar is good."

Derek laughs. "All right, then. Speaking of which, when we have tent sex in the backyard, are we going to spend the night in the tent? Because if we do, that technically constitutes as camping in our backyard…"

Her eyes widen. "Well, I can't be more than two feet from a bathroom, and we can't leave the kids inside all night alone, so we can't spend the night outside!"

He grimaces. "That's a no, then."

"Yep," she says, eagerly reaching for his hand as she looks at the clock, then shrieks, "We only have eighteen minutes now!" She drags him toward the master bathroom.

She has to pee again too.

* * *

Meredith's soft touch captivates him, warming him from the inside out. If there's one thing he's learned as a surgeon and simply as a human being, it's that life is sacred. It could all be gone tomorrow, so it's important to embrace what you have. It's important to stop and look around, let it all sink in, and enjoy the moments you have with your loved ones. You never know what tomorrow will bring. The moment you realize everything you have, you realize what you stand to lose. And he can't fathom losing this. Losing her. Losing his family. His family is everything.

He never wants to let go of her and their unborn child. He wants to protect them at all costs, so his arm wraps around her as he reaches for their towels. He wraps her cotton towel snugly around her body frame, and then he proceeds to dry himself. For a moment, they just stare at each other, both smiling, losing themselves in the other's eyes.

"What about a lake?" he blurts out. It's random. Meredith-random. She's rubbing off on him, in a good way.

"A what?" a clearly confused Meredith asks.

"The list," he clarifies.

She wrinkles her nose, signaling disapproval. "Not happening. How about a pool?"

"There are usually other people in pools," Derek frowns. "What's wrong with the lake?"

"Well, there are fish and diseases in lakes." Meredith wrinkles her nose, shaking her head as she reaches for her hairbrush and hairdryer. "You could build us a pool in our backyard with a privacy fence."

"I didn't think we needed a pool, since we don't live that far from a lake," Derek counters, shocked by Meredith's suggestion. She's never indicated that she wanted a pool in their backyard before.

"I'm not having sex in a lake, and I'd rather our kids learn to swim in water that isn't occupied by smelly fish," Meredith presses.

He inhales a deep breath. "Okay. I will build us a pool." A wide grin forms on his face as he leans forward to kiss her forehead, breathing in the aroma of her lavender shampoo. As he pulls away, he sneaks a peek at the clock. It's been more than twenty minutes. His breaths hitch. "Crap!"

"You take care of the soup, I'm going to finish drying my hair and I'll be right out," Meredith tells him, her voice rushed, then she bats her eyelashes at him and smiles. He obeys her commands, quickly getting dressed then dashing into the kitchen.

Dinner is ready.

* * *

Meredith can't stop looking at Derek.

She smiles at him after blowing over her full spoon, and he smiles back, dazzling her. The soup is slightly overcooked, since they took closer to half an hour in the shower, but it still tastes divine. She can't care about the vegetables being a little too soft when Derek keeps looking at her like that.

His smile and the candles make his eyes glimmer in the dim light of the kitchen, and in spite of the poor light, he seems to be glowing with happiness. She can't believe how happy their last six weeks have been.

The soup warms up her throat, settling in her stomach, as she rests her free hand over the gentle swell of her abdomen. Derek worshipped the spot with kisses in a way that still makes her tingle when she thinks about their shower. She keeps her hands to herself though, or she's sure that the soup will get cold. She needs to eat first.

"It could taste worse," Derek says, smiling brightly as he sips his own spoon of soup. "I'm glad the stove was on low."

"You put it on low so you could sneak in a few more minutes, uh?" she grins, and he doesn't even blush at the discovery of his ploy.

"I always try to sneak in a few more minutes with you," he shrugs, completely full of himself. And she loves it. Her cocky, flattering, sexy Derek is back, and she wants to keep him forever, frizzly hair and all.

"Do you think we can be this happy forever?" she asks, her eyes unable to leave his.

"Is there a way to be happier? Because I can sign up for that," he jokes, a genuine smile on his lips.

"I feel like we're newlyweds, Derek. I know it won't last."

He sighs, his smile not as dazzling as before, but filled with true contentment. "We are newlyweds, in a way, and it might not last forever, not in this deep, all-consuming way that we're feeling now," he admits, lowering his spoon to grab her hand, "but we can work on being happy together for the rest of our lives. It will be a different kind of happy, but we'll be happy."

"Should we go to group meetings or something? Do they even have those? Like AA meetings for couples trying to find their happiness?"

Derek laughs, and she'd join him, if she wasn't so worried about it. She never thought she could be this happy, but as soon as she got a taste of it, she doesn't want to let go of this feeling.

"I don't think we need therapy or couples counseling, we can do this on our own," Derek admits, squeezing her hand gently.

"How?"

"We need to make time for ourselves. For romance. For talking."

They are bad at doing all that. Talking for them is sometimes like pulling teeth, but they need to get better. If they want to communicate, and _really listen_ , like they promised each other in their brand new footnote, there needs to be talking. And they can't have true communication if they don't really listen to one another.

"Romance with three kids?" her eyes widen. After Bailey was born she remembers that they barely had time to eat and shower, how could they be a couple when the baby arrives?

"Five minutes every day? We can find five minutes when you're feeding the baby, or when they are finally all asleep, right?"

Meredith sighs. "You think five minutes is enough?"

"I don't know," Derek admits. "I do know that I want more than just five minutes with you every day, but if five minutes of Meredith and Derek time is all we get, I'm taking them, and cherishing every second."

Meredith melts when he stands up and comes closer to her to kiss her. It's a soft, quick kiss, the kind they use when they're making a point and sealing a deal, and she loves the metaphorical way he's shaking hands with her on this.

When Derek sits back in his chair, his hair now an even bigger mess after she trailed her fingers through it, his eyes sparkling even more, she feels like she can burst with happiness. She feels blessed for the chance they had to turn over a new leaf.

"Hm," Derek interrupts her train of thought, humming around his spoonful of soup. "Kepner mentioned a series of questions today, in the OR, to keep the marriage alive. She's doing counseling with Jackson and their therapist suggested they try to take this test," he says, studying her reaction.

Meredith keeps a blank face, needing more to understand. "Test?"

"Yeah, it's called _36 Questions that Lead to Love_ or something along the lines of that," he explains, "She was asking around if we thought some of these were too weird, and honestly, I agree with her, but maybe out of 36, some of these are good for us?"

"Weird as if? How many times we fart in a day? Is it okay to burp at the table?"

Derek laughs loudly. "No, something like sharing the most embarrassing moment of your life, when did you last sing to yourself, or what would you save from your house if it was burning and all your loved ones and pets were safe and sound outside."

"Okay, those are strange questions but...It could be interesting."

"I read through them, and they make for interesting conversational point," he nods, stretching to grab his iPad, most likely trying to find the questions again.

"Maybe we should try tackling them one by one before the baby comes? Or do we have to take this whole test in a single session? How long should an answer last?"

Derek knits his brows, deeply focused on his research, and she's worried he barely heard her over his own thoughts.

"It says nothing about taking the test as a whole or separately, only that we just stare into each other's eyes without blinking from two to four minutes before we start," he explains, glancing back to the web page open on his iPad.

"Staring?" Meredith frowns. "That's...creepy."

"And intimate, apparently."

"Oh, we're good at intimate," Meredith wiggles her eyebrows, and Derek chuckles.

"We are. Here," he grins, handing over the iPad, showing her the questions, "what do you think?"

She reads through them, noticing how many topics they could talk about from one single question, and for once, she knows she has to thank April for bringing up such an interesting conversation in her husband's OR.

"We could talk for hours over some of these questions, Derek."

He grins. "I know."

"Do you want to start tonight? Before the kids and Amelia come home? We could go through at least a couple of them, maybe."

Derek shrugs, smiling. "We could. We could try to answer a couple of them each week, so that we can complete the series before the baby comes. I doubt we'll have a lot of time after that."

"Also, I want us to be more than okay when the baby comes. We need to be strong and a team and -"

"We can be an even stronger team by then, Mer. Finish your soup, I'll go print these questions, that way we can access them wherever we are, alright?"

Meredith nods, smiling at him.

She never imagined that marriage and work were two words that had to go together, but the more she stayed married to Derek, the more she realized how much work a marriage truly was. It was not just a question of molding into each other's lives, and working together to raise their children; sometimes it was also working on not beheading Derek when he did something that upset her, or working on accepting that her vision of the world was different than his and trying to find a common ground.

For her, at the moment, it's the best kind of work. She is grateful she always had a good work ethic, or her marriage would have fallen apart years ago.

When they decided to adopt Zola, she knew her life would change forever, that she'd never be the same person she was before welcoming the little baby in their lives. When she married Derek, she never figured she'd have to work on keeping him there just as much as she'd work to be a good mother to her children, if not more.

She's ready to work and fight for their happiness, though. She wants their children to have a good role model, just like Derek had from his parents. She knows that Carolyn and her husband probably fought sometimes, but she wants that kind of everlasting love too. She's surprised it found her without her even noticing, but now she wants to keep Derek close, and never let him go.

"Here, I'm back," he smiles brightly, carrying two sheets of paper in his hands and the iPad, grinning as he sits in front of her again.

Meredith sighs, smiling back at him and how delicious he still looks. She's one lucky woman, that's for sure.

"So, how can we make the staring not creepy?" he blurts, chuckling. "I mean, you always find it creepy when I look at you when you're still half asleep in the morning, and staring into each other's eyes…"

"Creepy, you're right. But it says that it's supposed to be intimate. And I know I can read the dirty thoughts in your eyes if I stare a little longer than usual, so don't try to put some dirty there. We had enough dirty for the day."

Derek laughs. "We have a whole list of dirty on our fridge, where everybody can see it. There's not enough dirty for us."

Meredith laughs, sipping the last of her soup, then leaning back a little against her chair. "We can just do the staring and burst into laughter if it gets creepy, okay? We'll forget about the staring then, and keep the questions instead."

"Deal," he grins, stretching his hand for her to take, then leaning over for a kiss again. She giggles against his lips.

"Should we set a timer?" she asks, slowly pulling away.

"Maybe. Two minutes? Four?"

"Two. Then we can just keep going if we like it," she breathes out, suddenly feeling self conscious.

Meredith knows she can read a lot of Derek's emotions in his eyes, and for the first time since she agreed to do this, she figures that he can probably do the same. Yes, she's happy, but sadness sneaks up on her unexpectedly when she lets herself think, and with the single task of having to stare into Derek's eyes, thinking will happen.

"When you're ready," Derek says softly, after tapping on the screen of his phone for a bit, setting up the timer.

"Go," she murmurs, lifting up her eyes into Derek's.

The sparkles in there are the first thing she notices. The specks of gold into that calm sea of blue and grays, the light hitting his corneas and the darker points of his pupils. She can see his smile in his eyes and for once, she lets her mind empty of all its thoughts.

She remembers all the times she stared into his eyes through their years together, when she was afraid or when she was marrying him, when they made love in the dim light of her bedroom, or when he stared at her over the microscopes in the OR. She remembers how they become a dark blue when he's aroused, almost indigo when he's angry, a clear, sky blue when he's outside, fishing in the sun.

Meredith remembers his eyes when he introduced her to Zola the first time, when he held Bailey in his arms when he was barely out of her womb, or when she woke up after her splenectomy, and her whole family was there, in Derek's arms.

She remembers when she met his pained eyes the first time she saw him after Addison showed up, or when she almost drowned in Elliott Bay. She remembers the fear embedded deep into his irises when he was laying on the catwalk and she figured she'd never see his eyes again. When they broke up at Cristina's wedding, they were a dull, blue-gray, their familiar sparkle muted and gone.

Now the happiness in them is striking. She can feel it wrap around her in a warm embrace, even if he's all the way on the other side of the table.

Oh yeah, they're definitely going to go for four minutes of creepy staring, she wants to get lost in his eyes forever.

Meredith startles though when she hears their front door open, and Amelia walks in with the kids exactly when Derek's phone starts buzzing on the table, her face appearing in lieu of the timer's screen.

Derek leans over to squeeze her hand, his smile gentle, warm, intimate, and she feels more naked now than she did when they were in the shower together. His gesture is a promise, a planned date to go over these questions again, and she feels like she's hiding some big secret when she turns to welcome Amelia and the kids back home.

She squeezes his hand back, telling him that she's promising more staring too, and she can see it in his eyes all over again how glad he his that they could share this moment. She surely doesn't mind doing the creepy staring again, if it means she can stare into his beautiful eyes one more time.

* * *

 **Irene's A/N: Quite the change of pace compared to the prologue, uh? We wanted to prepare you with that, to tell you that not everything is going to be happy and bubbly and sexy like this, that they do need to work on keeping their happiness alive. I'm sure you're all wondering how they got from this to where they are in the prologue in a handful of months, and we'll answer you, if you want to keep reading.**

 **The 36 questions we mentioned as they are having dinner exist for real, and we're going to go through them at some point with Meredith and Derek, so don't worry. If you want to know more about those, feel free to ask us for the link here in a PM or on Twitter (better on Twitter, since here it's hard to send external links).**

 **Many of you had theories about the prologue, and we'd be happy to hear more if things are clearer for you guys. Also, tell us if you found the mention for Baby #3, even though we can't confirm nor deny if you're right or wrong ;)**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Nicole's A/N: Happy Memorial Day if you're in the US! Happy Monday if you're not. So, a few things:**

 **1) We outlined this story back in November, so some things are going to be different. For instance, Derek doesn't know about Owen and Amelia. However, I absolutely hated Amelia and Meredith's confrontation about Owen on the show, so I basically rewrote it in this chapter.**

 **2) I pretty much hate everything about how Owen and Amelia have been written on the show. We've received mixed feedback from you guys on them - about half of you love them, the other half can't stand them. Irene and I do have plans for them to have an important role in this story, so I hope those of you who can't stand them will give them a chance in this story. I can assure you they're very different than the show's version of them.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

* * *

Amelia stumbles into her brother's house, with a groggy Bailey in one arm, her purse wrapped around her other shoulder, and Zola in front of her. _Please, Dear God, let Meredith and Derek be decent_ , which is the reason she had called to give Derek a heads up, just in case they are sprawled out naked on the living room floor. The way her brother and sister-in-law have been all over each other since he returned from DC - coupled with the sex noises at all hours of the night coming from their bedroom - she really won't be surprised if that is the case. Derek seriously should have considered building thicker walls when he built his dream house.

After not even one ring, though, Zola lets go of her hand and pushes open the door all on her own before Amelia is able to stop her.

Meredith and Derek are, fortunately, fully clothed. What creeps her out, though, is the fact that they're sitting at the kitchen table, two candles lit in the center, and their best china out, both gazing at each other like they're having some kind of hot eye-sex contest.

She wants to barf.

And then she wonders: How does a couple get to this point? How does a couple get from Point _**A**_ wkward to Point _**F**_ orever?

When she thinks about it, she and Meredith really aren't that different. Meredith is the first sister she really felt like she could relate to. She doesn't know Meredith that well, but she knows her well enough to know they're alike. They're both dark and twisty people. Well, _were_ dark and twisty. The Meredith she's seen over the last six weeks is practically unrecognizable. She's nothing like the Meredith she'd known when she first moved to Seattle. Or when Derek was in DC.

It's not that she isn't happy for Meredith and Derek. She is. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's her brother. He'd been through Hell with Addison, and it's good that he's learned from his mistakes, that he's doing right by supporting his wife and children. Derek is a good father and husband, there's no doubt about that.

What she doesn't understand is: How does someone who's dark and twisty become bright and shiny overnight?

More importantly, how can she open her heart to a man like Meredith has opened hers to Derek? How does a person learn to forgive and forget? To move forward, to have babies, and to continue being a kick-ass surgeon? To live the dream life like Meredith and Derek?

Is any of that even possible for her? Or is she destined to be alone? Is she doomed to fail at the game of relationships? Can she be happy with _**him**_? Can she ever tell _**him**_ the three magic words?

 _ **I. Love. You.**_

She's heard her brother and sister-in-law say those magic words more times than she can count over the last six weeks. Can she say them, too? They feel so foreign to her tongue. She's not even sure what they mean anymore, truth be told.

Meredith and Derek break their gaze almost immediately following the grand entrance of Amelia and the kids.

"I tried to call, but Zola…" Amelia shamefully explains, looking apologetically at Meredith and Derek. Both still look stunned.

"Mommy, Daddy! Auntie Amy taked me and Bails for pizza! So nummy!" Zola chatters, sharing her version of their evening, providing her parents all the details of their dinner trip to Pizza Hut. Zola had insisted on pizza, now that Meredith has a no-pizza policy following Zola's birthday fiesta since apparently everything with tomato nauseates her now. Amelia is delighted to spend time with her niece and nephew, anyway, since they're the only kids she'll probably ever have.

"That sounds like fun," it's Meredith who speaks, though she looks disgusted although she's gently smiling at Zola.

"I'm glad you had fun, Zo," Derek tells his daughter, eying Amelia. "Thanks for taking them." He glances at the clock on the wall. "I didn't realize it was getting so late. I guess we just lost track of time… I should get the kids to bed." He grabs a sleeping Bailey from Amelia's arms and motions for Zola to follow him. "C'mon, Zo, let's go upstairs and get ready for bed."

Zola frowns at the mention of the word _bed._ "But I not sleepy."

"I'll read you a _Curious George_ story," Derek smiles, winking at Meredith. Everyone knows Zola can't say no to _Curious George_.

"Okay, Daddy!" Zola skips cheerfully toward the stairs.

Sometimes Amelia misses being a little girl.

* * *

Amelia watches as Meredith's eyes follow Derek back upstairs, an imperceptible, blissed smile on her lips as the three people disappear to the second floor, carrying away the giggles and the recounts of the day.

Her eyes land on the table, still set with half-burned candles and dirty dishes, as Meredith heaves out a deep breath and starts piling up the remnants of their dinner.

"What's with the candles?" she asks, as Meredith blows out the first one. "I could have figured out a way to keep the kids out longer if it's your anniversary or something."

"He just made dinner," Meredith shrugs, though she's blushing slightly.

"Yeah, you just happened to be staring at him with gooey _oh-you-are-my-entire-world_ stare. It's gross to see my brother like that," she wrinkles her nose, though in a way, she's jealous. Jealous that they seem so happy.

"Sorry?" Meredith shrugs, though the smile is still on her lips.

"I was worried you'd scare the kids forever with the heat of that gazing," Amelia keeps teasing, grinning.

"It's just a thing that we're doing."

"Right, now eye-sex is a thing," she snorts, feeling the laughter bubble out of her.

"Amelia!" Meredith scolds her like a mother, which makes Amelia grin even wider. "We found an article, okay? It has 36 questions to rekindle the love or to strengthen it, I don't really care. It's good for the marriage."

"Meredith, you guys don't need 36 questions to be happy. You are happy."

"So we'll get even happier," Meredith shrugs.

"Not possible," Amelia mutters, then her tone raises at the glare Meredith sends her. "What about the eye-sex, then?"

"Before tackling the questions we should look into each other's eyes for two or three minutes at least, longer if we want to. Just...looking."

"How long did you two just stare, then?"

"Not two minutes," Meredith admits, her smile deflating a little. "You got here first."

Amelia laughs, helping Meredith to carry the dishes towards the sink, though she doesn't complain when it's Meredith who fills the sink with warm water and picks up the sponge.

"So the questions are the reason for the candles, even if you're in your sweatpants?"

Meredith laughs. "We have plenty of candles to splurge on."

"Yeah, I noticed the full box in the pantry. Did Derek raid a store during sales just to add to his corny plans whenever he wanted to?"

Meredith laughs though her face covers in a deep, bright blush, her mouth opening slightly as her eyes widen. She clears her throat, resettles her jaw and gulps, then heaves out a breath. "I raided a store," she confesses, and it's Amelia's jaw that slacks open then.

"You...what?"

"I did...I just...grand gesture thingie, you know?" Meredith stammers.

Amelia studies her, trying to find a clue for the stammering, but she comes out empty. "Grand gesture?" she echoes lamely.

"I was sleep deprived and excited and..."

"I don't understand Meredith-ramble like Derek does, I'm sorry," she shrugs, still curious to find out what can turn her sister-in-law into a rambling mess that makes less sense than usual.

Meredith gulps again. "I bought the candles for our house plans."

* * *

Meredith sighs again, the memory flooding her, a strange warmth settling in her heart, not only on her cheeks, as she fidgets with the sponge, the whoosh of the water filling the silence.

"House plans?" Amelia repeats, still confused.

"We were broken up at the time. Derek said he wanted a future with me, house, babies, all that stuff that obviously sent me running for the hills as soon as he showed me the blueprints."

" _I wanna build us a house and grow old with you_ "

"He proposed and you broke up?"

Meredith chuckles. Yeah, that didn't count as a proposal, but it was a promise nonetheless. "No, he didn't propose. He just said he could see where this was going, and I just...didn't," she admits, "Love was a concept that while I could feel, I couldn't grasp fully, and his actions didn't really help with the whole believing thing."

"So you had different house plans drawn up?"

"Sorta," Meredith finally giggles, knowing that she's about to humiliate herself. "I bought out the store with the candles and...arranged them."

"A house of candles? You built Derek a house of candles?"

Meredith sighs, her blush rising more. "I did. More or less right here, where we broke ground for this house."

"Wow," Amelia's eyes widen. "I mean, how did you even...?"

Meredith laughs. "Lots of box hauling and cursing. And thank God he left his trailer unlocked, so I could grab skewers and a lighter. When I bought the candles I didn't go as far as planning how to light them up."

"How many candles did you light up with tiny sticks of wood?" Amelia blurts, looking every second more surprised.

"I don't know. A lot. Actually, we already got through half a box of candles just like the one in the pantry, and there's probably one, maybe one and a half box more in the attic."

"Holy crap!"

Meredith laughs, knowing that by this point she's looking more and more like Elmo every passing second, and not caring much. "Yeah, even the king of corny was impressed."

"So you just built him a house of candles? And he built you the real thing?"

" _This, this is our kitchen! And that's where our children are gonna play."_

"Well, the kitchen is not really where I placed it originally, the view is better from here."

Amelia seems to still be reeling after her confession, and she can't blame her, honestly. She knows it was a little out of character for her to do something like that, but she doesn't regret it. She can't regret it, when their house is standing right where she imagined to grow old with him, not when they managed to save Beth twice and she's growing his child inside of her as he tells their other two a goodnight story.

The house of candles was worth it.

She sighs quietly, letting the memories seep into her as she lowers the stack of dirty dishes into the now full sink, the warmth of knowing that her leap of faith back then brought them here slowly warming her up from the inside out. She smiles between herself as she strokes her growing stomach with the tip of her fingers, before squirting a dollop of soap into the water.

"When did you know?" Amelia blurts, and Meredith whips her head towards her, a little startled from her wandering thoughts. It's Amelia who's blushing now.

"What?" she mumbles, prodding for more information, sure that she missed some kind of vital part of the conversation.

"When did you know that you were in love with Derek? That he was the one?" Amelia asks, shyness dripping into her every feature, masking her usually confident, bubbly, loud self. She's anything but loud, then, reminding Meredith of Zola more than the confident neurosurgeon she's used to dealing with.

She takes a deep breath as she thinks about it, the moment, the second when she just knew that she was going to love Derek forever, flooding her brain with even more memories.

"Was it before the house of candles?"

"Yes," Meredith replies quickly. "It's just...I'm having a hard time figuring out when _I wasn't_ in love with Derek," she admits.

"What do you mean?"

"It means that when he woke up on my living room floor and asked me to pick up where we left off the night before, I think part of me was already perpetually infatuated with him."

Amelia opens her jaw, and she seems ready to prod for more, but no sounds comes out.

"I mean, I wasn't in love then, but I knew he was different from the rest of my infinite strings of one night stands," Meredith admits, going over the rest of the emotions of that day, a little marveled that every second seems still so clear in her head, and then...she figures it out.

"But you knew him, you worked together..." Amelia clues in then, almost as if she were making her own timeline in her head.

"Technically, I wasn't working with him, yet. I didn't know he would be my boss when I took him home, I found out he was the same Derek when I was told to find Dr. Shepherd for a Neuro consult, and he was standing there, navy scrubs and labcoat on, a smirk on his face."

"Wow," Amelia grins.

"Honestly, the next morning I didn't even know his name," Meredith laughs, blushing again.

"Yeah, those times are awkward," Amelia shrugs, clearly speaking from experience, which makes Meredith giggle more.

In between the lighter moment though, finally, realization comes for her too, and she's surprised even herself to find out for how long she has in fact been in love with Derek. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime, others, she could swear it was yesterday she met him at Joe's.

"You know when I knew?" she confesses, sensing that Amelia needs to know, for one reason or the other. "After our first surgery together. I scrubbed in on a subarachnoid hemorrhage after a burst aneurysm with him and I watched him work. When we scrubbed out and he was just standing there, filling out Katie's chart...I knew. There was something in his eyes that told me that he was in love, and so was I," she admits, smiling softly. "Of course I denied it until I was blue in the face at first, but I've loved him for a long time."

Amelia is quiet, her eyes dart away, and it's then Meredith acknowledges the tears in her crisp blue eyes. Meredith studies her sister-in-law as the silence stings.

"You're really not interested in your brother's and my love life, are you?" Meredith says knowingly, raising an eyebrow as she reads Amelia's body language loud and clear.

Amelia chokes up. "It's…" Liquid spills from her eyes, smearing her mascara. "I can't...I don't know…"

"Owen?" Meredith asks, and Amelia nods, also twiddling her thumbs.

Meredith hands Amelia a tissue, and Amelia wipes her cheeks. She takes a deep breath before revealing, "It's really stupid...I know, but before Beth woke up...Valentine's Day...Owen did this thing...this stupid, cheesy thing."

Owen Hunt never really struck Meredith as the cheesy kind of guy. Then again, he and Cristina only had a formal wedding surrounded by all their friends for his sake, not because Cristina wanted it. Cristina would have gladly eloped at City Hall like Meredith and Derek had. Still, Owen is a former soldier. She'd never gotten the cheesy vibe from him. Maybe, deep down, away from Cristina, he has a corny side.

" _Watch out for Owen. Don't let him get dark and twisty,"_ Cristina's words echo in her head. She'd promised Cristina she would look out for the guy, and the last thing she wants is for him to get hurt.

"This was six weeks ago?" Meredith asks Amelia.

Amelia nods. "Yeah…"

"And you're still seeing each other?"

"Yes. He said he wants to be more than friends, that he's falling in love with me…and he said I have a choice to make. To top it off, he brought me chocolates and roses."

"And?"

"And I...I don't know...I didn't say anything, and we haven't spoken about it since. We've just kind of gone back to the sex... _lots of sex_." She swallows. "Only difference is we're not being secretive about it, since the whole damn hospital now knows."

Meredith remembers a very similar proclamation of love Derek had given her shortly after prom sex. The difference being, of course, Finn was in the mix.

"You're seeing each other exclusively?" Meredith questions.

"I'm not seeing anyone else," Amelia confirms. "I just...I don't know how I feel about it. I like him...a lot. I just... I guess I'm scared."

"Well, don't lead him on," Meredith says firmly. "Look, Cristina is my best friend, you know that. I promised her I would look out for Owen, and I don't want to see him get hurt, so please, Amelia, don't hurt him by leading him on."

"I don't want to hurt him," Amelia says, her tears vaporizing, her voice deepening in defensive. "We've both been through so much. I don't want either of us to get hurt." Her breaths hitch. "It's just… every time you open your heart to someone, you open it up to be broken. I'm not sure my heart can handle anymore brokenness."

"Amelia, I'm not trying to be mean. I've been in your exact shoes before, with Derek. It wasn't easy, to decide to be with him, to allow my heart to open up to him," Meredith tells Amelia.

"What do I do?" Amelia shakes her head solemnly. "How did you do it?"

Meredith pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath. "You need to look deep into his handsome blue eyes and decide if those are the eyes you want to wake up to every morning for the rest of your life. That's what I did."

She looks up, where she sees Derek walking down the stairs. She allows herself to lose herself again for a moment in his eyes, the eyes of her husband and the father of her two children, reflecting on the fact that he's just put _their_ children to bed. Their perfectly amazing children who reeked of pizza and caused her stomach to roll with nausea. Thank God Derek had taken them upstairs before she'd needed to race to the bathroom.

Sometimes she can't believe this is her waking reality. It's not half bad, even if she doesn't know if she'll be able to eat pizza ever again. She whispers, "I wouldn't change my decision for the world."

Amelia swallows thickly, and she quietly asks, "Does he know about…?"

As far as Meredith knows, Derek has no clue about the Amelia and Owen fiasco. She hasn't talked to him about it. Logically, he should have heard about it from the nurses' station, but they've both been in their own little bubble the last six weeks. Maybe he hasn't.

"I'm not sure," Meredith answers truthfully.

"Know about what?" Derek's eyes light up, confronting the two woman.

"Uh...that Beth's six week post-op appointment is tomorrow," Amelia is quick to change the subject to a safe work-related subject.

"Well, of course I know. I'm her doctor," Derek looks strangely at his sister, and then carries that look toward his wife.

"Right, of course," Amelia mumbles.

"Amelia was her doctor while you were away for all those weeks," Meredith chips in. "So, I think it's only fair that she'd be there for her follow-up appointment."

"And I was there when she woke up," Amelia adds definitively.

Derek raises his eyebrows and shrugs. "I guess that makes sense. You should be there to see the case through, then."

* * *

Derek knows that Amelia was the least thrilled to hear about his permanent Seattle stay. She'd been having the time of her life running his department without him in her hair, even though she'd practically begged him to return for Beth. Still, she clearly had not anticipated him staying permanently.

Nevertheless, he thinks he and Amelia are in a good place now. It was bumpy at first, trying to convince Amelia that he has no intention of stealing her job. That he truly and genuinely has no desire to be "Head" of anything. He just wants to be with his family. He wants to have free time to spend with his kids, and her running his department certainly takes a huge weight off his shoulder, allowing him to spend more time with his family. Time which he never wants to take for granted.

Time is a sacred entity. In the blink of an eye, it could all be gone tomorrow, so he wants to cherish the time he's been given to spend with his wife and children. Being fired by the president was a real eye opener, and possibly the best thing that ever happened to him. Even if he did murder his career.

Truth be told, he hasn't had time to process it all just yet, to feel the after effects of his termination. It's been six weeks. Six _happy_ weeks, which he's spent clipping aneurysms and making it home by five p.m. on most nights, save for a few late night emergencies. He'd forgotten all about the emergency rush. In fact, he's pretty sure he forgot that emergencies happen. There's so much to be forgotten when a surgeon is out of the OR for months at a time. He missed the operating room.

Meredith pulls more all nighters than he does, much to his enmity. He worries about her overworking. He can't not worry about her and their growing baby. Yet, he doesn't want to intrude or hover, and he does trust her. He's making an imperative effort to trust her, since it's in their post-it footnote, and he wants to honor their vows to the best of his ability.

Tonight has been perfect. He's glad that they were both able to take tonight off. He wants more nights like tonight. If they could just take off one night a week just to be a couple, he thinks they'll be okay. They'll be just fine.

He can't stop staring into his wife's delirious, bright blue-green eyes. She's glowing and looks ravishing. He wants to pick up where they left off in the shower. The glint in her eyes tells him that she does, too. They stare at each other for a conspicuous amount of time before Amelia scowls.

"I'm headed to bed before I'm permanently scarred from all this eye sex," Amelia announces, and she stomps upstairs, leaving Meredith and Derek to each other's solo company.

He smirks at Meredith, who smirks back at him.

"Did the kids go down easy?" she asks, leaning toward him. He extends his arm and wraps it around her, pulling her inward. She morphs perfectly into his inner arm as he guides her toward their bedroom, so they can be free of interruptions, assuming the kids don't wake up.

"They did," he gallantly answers her question. "Zola fell asleep halfway through _Curious George_. I think the pizza carbs hit her." Meredith chuckles.

Meredith's laptop lies in the center of their unmade bed. Neither had bothered making the bed this morning. He just remembers they were running late after round two, and then they'd decided to read an entry from her blog since Amelia had offered to take the kids to daycare.

As a result, Meredith was fifteen minutes late to her first surgery this morning, and apparently Dr. Bailey wasn't happy. Meredith then played the "pregnant bladder" card. As unhappy as Meredith initially was about this pregnancy, she was most dutifully using it to her advantage now.

Ever since she'd introduced him to her blog, they have read through many entries together, reliving the best and the worst times of Meredith's life since he'd met her. They aren't able to read an entry every night, to his dismay, since he's promised her that he won't read it without her present.

He's learned a lot about his wife in the past weeks through reading her blog, stuff he never imagined knowing. Every detail is there, in text, for the whole world to see. There are strangers who know his wife better than he does.

It's all a little bit eerie.

 _Life is messy. That's how we're made._

He'd chuckled when they'd first read that line together.

 _So, you can waste your life, drawing lines, Or, you can live your life crossing them._

 _But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross. But here's what I know. If you're willing to take the chance...the view from the other side is spectac_ _ular._

She'd written that after she'd dropped her files in the elevator and briefly made out with him. He remembers that moment clearly. It's when he knew they were meant to be together, and they would be one day. She was the one, not Addison.

She _is_ the one: the only one who matters. He wants to cross so many lines with her, because he knows they're capable of anything as long as they have each other.

Meredith hands him the laptop, the screen already lit up and one of her posts already pulled up. They nestle close together in bed, and she leans her head against his shoulder as he positions the laptop on his stomach. He can feel her breath on his neck. Butterflies swarm his stomach, his body swelling with excitement and anticipation. It's like Christmas Eve.

No, it's much _better_ than Christmas Eve.

 **Title: Fight or Flight...Losing My Religion**

 _Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive. Family, love, sex...but we only need one thing to actually be alive. We need a beating heart. When our heart is threatened, we respond in one of two ways. We either run or we attack. There's a scientific term for this, fight of flight. It's instinct, we can't control it or can we?_

 _I've never been a religious person, but I do have morals. You may not believe it, but I do. For example, I don't believe in cheating. I never even cheated on a test in school, as tempting as you might say it was. I might have partied hard in college, but I knew when to set the booze and boys aside so I could focus on studying._

 _I've never cheated. I'm not a McCheater. Until today. Kind of._

 _There we were, dancing on the dance floor at this silly hospital prom that the chief made us throw for his dying niece. My arms were around McVet. He was going on and on about making plans. Plans?! My heart was racing, I was freaking out. We'd just started dating. Were we even really boyfriend and girlfriend?_

 _As long as we weren't actually boyfriend and girlfriend, then I'm not a cheater, so I'll stick with we're not. We_ _ **are not**_ _boyfriend and girlfriend. McVet isn't my boyfriend._

 _Anyways, here's how it started: McDreamy was across the dance floor with McSatan, but he was staring_ _ **at me**_ _. I couldn't breathe with him staring at me like that, and it was completely inappropriate! I felt like I was going to burst at any minute. I needed to get away._

 _So I fled. Tried to, at least_.

 _Next thing I know, McDreamy is chasing after me, calling my name. I told him to stop, to go away, to stop looking at me. I really did, but he didn't. Then he gave this long, desperate speech about how he couldn't stop looking at me, and the next thing I know his tongue is in my mouth, his hands are running through my hair, and I'm flinging my arms around him._

 _It all happened so quickly, his lips traveled down my body, worshiping my bosom as he removed my panties. It felt oh so wrong, but so right at the same time. It was like we had all this pent up sexual tension that was suddenly being released, and it felt right._

 _How can something so wrong feel so right?_

 _Now I'm not just the slutty intern, I'm the slutty home-wrecking, adulterous intern._

 _I'm surely going to Hell._

 _May your lives be less complicated than mine,_

 _Dr. Grey_

 _PS: RIP Doc, you were a good dog._

A photo of Doc appears at the bottom of the post. His heart swells with emotion, remembering how much they'd both loved that dog. He was a good dog. He squeezes Meredith hand and they lay in silence for a few minutes, perhaps honoring Doc's memory.

His breaths hitch, and he says, "Wow."

"Wow? That's all you have to say?" Meredith counters, looking humiliated like she always does when they read one of her blog posts.

"I mean, that was pretty hot," Derek replies. "The description of you and I at the prom, I mean. You're right, you know, we did have a lot of built-up sexual tension. It was bound to happen eventually...you and I having sex. I just wish I hadn't put you in that position...you're not a homewrecker, Meredith. My home was wrecked before I ever met you."

"I know," she says softly, squeezing his hand.

"You saved me, I've told you this before, that you were like coming up for a breath of fresh air. I really meant that, you know. I wouldn't change what we have now for the world. What I have...you, the kids, this house...it's everything I've ever wanted. Addison and I never could have had this."

"Even if she hadn't cheated first?" Meredith questions, raising her eyebrows.

Derek shakes his head. "Honestly? I didn't even think about having kids with Addison. When we were married, all I could think about was work. I spent my days working, and I didn't think about coming home. When I was in DC...yeah, I enjoyed the work...but all I could think about was you, Meredith...and the kids, of course."

"Do you think it's because we have kids? That that's the reason you feel this way?" she asks.

"No," he responds quickly. "I didn't even _want_ kids with Addison. I never pictured what our babies would look like. I've never told you this, but...do you know what one of my first thoughts was when I saw you at Joe's?"

She frowns, shaking her head.

"That we would make pretty babies," he says in a quiet. honest voice, his hand landing on her round abdomen as he visualizes her in her black dress behind the counter at Joe's.

He rubs her swollen belly, massaging it gently, noting all of the subtle changes of her body since even this morning. Watching his wife grow their child inside of her is one of the best feelings he's ever experienced. Sometimes he wonders why the topic of children had never come up with Addison. He knew she wanted them, but it never seemed like the right time. They were young surgeons trying to build surgical careers. There wasn't time to add children to the mix.

Sometimes he feels selfish, like he's hindered Meredith's surgical career by starting a family with her now. She was hesitant about the whole idea when he'd first suggested it during her third year of residency. He wasn't getting any younger. He wanted to be able to take his kids fishing and camping and play soccer in the backyard with them. Derek didn't want to be the dad the kids at school thought was his kids' grandfather instead of their father.

He wants to make it up to Meredith now so she can shine. It's his turn to step back - for real this time - and take care of the kids. He had his fun, now it's her turn.

Derek kisses Meredith's temple, engulfed by her scent. He doesn't want to let her go.

"So, are you excited?" she asks, catching him off guard.

"Hmm?"

"For tomorrow," she says in a soft, simple voice.

"What's tomorrow?" He feels like he's forgotten a holiday. It's not Easter, is it? He's been terrible at keeping track of the days since his return. They all seem to blend together.

"My OB appointment," she reminds him. "It's been six weeks. Tomorrow's the next check up."

"Oh!" He feels like an idiot. Of course he knew that the appointment was tomorrow, remembering they'd discussed before that Beth's follow-up appointment and the day they'd see their baby again were on the same day. "Yes! And then we can tell the kids."

* * *

Meredith bites her lower lip. She'd insisted on holding off sharing the news of their new bundle with Zola and Bailey until the next ultrasound, if possible. Fortunately, Zola had not picked up on any rumors from daycare. She had, however, asked if her Aunt Amy was kissing the "chief." Fortunately, Zola did not know that Owen was "the chief." She'd quickly been distracted by the movie _ET_ , which was the DVD Amelia had brought home from RedBox that night. After Zola was over being terrified of the "scary alien", it quickly fell into her favorite movie category. Now she won't stop talking about it.

"Yeah," she whispers, setting her hand on top of Derek's on her belly, "we can tell the kids."

 _It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay,_ Meredith thinks, still not one hundred percent convinced, though. There were a million things that could be wrong, and all of this happiness could be erased in less than a minute.

She's just being realistic, but she keeps those thoughts to herself for Derek's sake.

"They're going to be so excited. Guess what Zola asked me the other day?" Derek says, chuckling lightly.

"Uh?"

"If she could have a baby sister," Derek reveals, his lips showcasing his pearly whites when they form into a smile. "I wanted to tell her so bad, then."

"You didn't, did you?" Meredith suspiciously eyes him, trying to capture a clear read of his face. Leave it to her husband to tell their daughter without her permission.

"I did not. I promise. I wouldn't do it without you, Mere," he replies, his tone sincere, so she believes him.

"Good," Meredith says. "Besides, with our luck, it's another boy. You and your stupid XY sperm."

"Well, if you factor in the odds between your family and mine, the odds that it's a girl are much higher than it's a boy," Derek points out.

"True," she smiles, relishing in that detail as she intertwines her fingers with his.

He raises her fingers up to his mouth and kisses her knuckles. "Mmmm," he murmurs. "How would you like to relive prom?"

"Oh, would I?" Meredith giggles as Derek rolls over her, kneading his fingers through her hair.

 _She has everything. She just wants to feel his embrace._

* * *

 **Irene's A/N: See, we told you, eerily similar, but not the same. Our Derek is going to be very much alive by the end of this, that's for sure. It will not be an easy ride, but they'll find a way back to happiness in spite of the prologue. _  
_**

 **Now, on a lighter note, since the OB appointment is approaching, is it a boy or a girl? Why would you like them to have a girl/boy? Let us know!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Irene's A/N: Hi, guys! Hello to all the new people still coming, too. I'll be brief, the chapter will speak for itself ;) MerDer with a side of Beth and Amelia coming right up!  
**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

* * *

"Derek!"

He rubs his bleary eyes in front of the mirror as the incessant knocking on the bathroom door keeps him alert. His hair is an utter mess, and nothing does seems to style it right. Crawling back into bed with Meredith and just holding her for the rest of the day would be the wisest option, but they both have jobs, unfortunately. At least he gets to see Beth today; he's sure her humor will brighten his day.

"Gotta go, Derek!" Meredith's impatient voice filters from the closed door.

He frowns, checking his watch. They are not running late. "We're on time, Mere."

" _I_ have to go, Derek, I know we're perfectly on time," she huffs, and he's sure she's looking adorable behind the closed door.

"Come in, it's open," he says. He never locks the door anymore when he goes to the bathroom and their kids aren't running around. Most of the time they get ready together when they have to go to work at the same time, and he likes sharing the bathroom with Meredith, so he always leaves the door open for her. One of the kids play might play with his products if he leaves them around, but they're rare occurrences. After that time he found Bailey covered head to toe in his shaving cream he surely pays more attention to keeping his products in order.

"Derek, please, I really need to go."

He frowns. He knows she probably needs to use the bathroom, it's the first place he looks for Meredith when he can't find her, thanks to her _tiny pregnant bladder_ , but she's never been shy about peeing when he's in the room. It's not like he hasn't seen whatever there is to see. He was mentally prepared to see her poop in the delivery room, peeing in the morning doesn't scare him.

"You're taking forever, here! You're worse than Uncle Jesse with all of his hair products-"

"Okay, I sincerely doubt that," he laughs, a little insulted that he's being compared to Uncle Jesse from _Full House_ , the heartthrob Amelia was obsessed with when she was a teenager.

"Zola and I combined take less time to do our hair, and you know how long it takes me to braid hers sometimes. Come on!" she urges, an impatient whining coming out of her lips. He knows she's dancing adorably on the heels of her feet by now.

"I don't take that long. And you love my hair," he smirks. It's partially her fault his hair looks like a hot mess after their previous night's love fest.

"Not when I have to _urgently_ use the toilet!"

"I still have a few minutes here," he sighs, staring at the tangled mess on his head.

"I don't have _a few minutes_ ," she says, the last part coming out as a badly rendered impression of his voice.

"Go to the kids' bathroom, I'm sure they won't mind."

"Too far. Please, get out!"

"Meredith," he sighs, dropping whatever he was doing to open the door. She's standing in front of him with her eyes wide, pacing and biting her lip, sleep still coating her features. "You can pee when I'm in the room," he says gently, forcing her to stop pacing with a soft caress on her forearm.

Meredith keeps swaying on her feet instead. Then she blushes crimson. "I don't have to pee," she confesses, and it brings a smile on his face.

"It's okay too, I don't mind."

"I do," she glares at him, sticking her nose in the air. "I want some privacy when I'm doing number two."

"I told you it would be okay when you said you might poop on the table when you had Bailey, and I still don't mind it if you have to poop and I'm doing my hair."

Her eyes water. "I am _so_ constipated, Derek. And pooping? It's like the best moment in my day. It makes up for the fact that I can't even see a tomato within a mile's radius before I'm throwing up or the constant tiredness and the tiny bladder. Pooping is my happy place," she sighs, and he has a hard time not to either kiss her - because she looks adorable - or start chuckling. "I wanna poop in privacy, Derek."

Derek relents. She argued her point way too well for him not to relent. "Go, then," he grins, and before he has time to kiss her, she has already slipped in the bathroom and locked the door.

He leans against the wall, chuckling between himself, unable to keep from smirking. How did he survive without her quirks in DC? He really missed Meredith pregnant, too. She has a strength in her and a vulnerability that takes his breath away every time he looks at her. Her whole being glows, and he loves when she becomes softer around the edges as the months progresses. She's still a spitfire, but she mellows considerably the further along she gets. He can't wait to see her full term, so that he can help her get through all the little crises they'll encounter.

The toilet flushes, and a second later Meredith exits the bathroom, her cheeks beet red, though she looks ten times more relaxed.

"I'm going to wake up the kids," she mumbles, ready to bolt, but he's quick to stop her, and softly kiss her lips goodmorning.

"You don't have to be ashamed of pooping, Mer. I am a doctor, I changed diapers, I'm good with poop."

"Let's see what you'll do when you are the one who has to take a giant dump, next time," she snickers, quirking her eyebrow at him, then she disappears down the hall to the kids' bedrooms.

The smile remains plastered on his face for the rest of his morning routine, and even later, as they eat breakfast together as a family, indulging in some greasy french toast, while Meredith keeps craving his muesli and sipping her lemon cucumber juice. She's practically living off those things, but he can't complain, as long as he can make them anytime she wants some. And mind you, the juice _has_ to be fresh.

His laughter and his joy are unrestrained during the ferry ride, and as they drop off one kid each in daycare. This morning it's Zola's turn for him, and she hugs him tightly before she disappears into the room with her little friends.

When he meets Meredith again outside the daycare door, he's smiling like a dork, and he doesn't really care. It feels so good to be smiling after the weeks of doom he had in DC. Happiness is rejuvenating him. Or maybe it's all the sex they're having, but still, he feels that the ten years he lost in DC suddenly came back to him.

Derek feels the itch to grab Meredith's hand as they walk towards the exam room where Beth is waiting for them. He knows she hates to be unprofessional at the hospital, but she looks so perfect this morning he has a hard time staying away from her.

The closer they get, physically and spiritually, the more he wants to be even closer to her. He wants to make up for lost time.

Plus, his wife looks hot in indigo blue scrubs.

Meredith pushes open the door of the exam room, revealing that Amelia is already inside, Stephanie Edwards holding the chart, a proud smile on her face.

Derek knows his sister took the young resident under her wing as a protegee, but he honestly can't see the same raw talent he spotted in other residents he taught. Namely, Lexie Grey, Heather Brooks and his wife. Especially his wife.

The smile slips away from Edwards' face, but shows up on Beth's as soon as they close the door.

"My favorite scalpel-wielders!" she jokes, sharing an amused look with Meredith.

"I see that we didn't damage your sense of humor," Meredith quips back, his sister giggling with them.

"Well, I kinda prefer that to brain butcher, really," Derek adds, keeping the mood light, winning a wink from Beth. "Have you started the exams already?" he continues, addressing Amelia.

"We haven't," Edwards replies, her tone a little too uptight for his liking.

"Shall we proceed? I have stuff to do, you know?" Beth comments, grinning.

"Like what? Seeing Andrew?" he asks, as he picks the penlight out of the pocket of his labcoat. When he turns to Beth, her smile has dimmed considerably.

"I won't see him in awhile," she says quietly, taking a deep breath.

Derek sees Meredith squeezing her shoulder, and he knows he probably missed a key passage to understand why she's not seeing Andrew anymore, but he decides that Meredith can get him caught up later.

"It was the right thing to do, Beth," his wife murmurs, rubbing her back for a second. "I'm proud of you."

"Gah, now you really sound like my mom. I heard an intern call you Medusa, but maybe it wasn't you," Beth grins, easing the tension, closing the topic in her own way. "You're way too soft for being Medusa."

Edwards mutters something under her breath, only winning a glare from Amelia. He's not sure if he's glad he was too distracted to hear it, or if he wants her to repeat it, so he can put her on rectals for the next week.

He definitely missed this part of teaching interns. If he excludes punching them from the list, he never had the pleasure to torture his subordinates in DC every now and then. Interns and residents can't be hit, but he can have a field day with all the possible medically related tortures he can inflict on them.

"Oh, she can be Medusa, you're just lucky you're not the one unable to fill charts or the one who leaves her toys around," Amelia says, bringing back the smile on Beth's face.

"I'm sorry, can we get to the exam, now?" Edwards snaps, as if she were the one ruling the department.

Derek opens his mouth to actually put her on rectals for the next month, not just a week, but his wife beats him to it.

"Do you have a problem with us keeping a patient comfortable, _Doctor_ Edwards?" she practically growls, and Derek can spot one of her mood swings from a mile away. Stephanie Edwards will wish she had kept her mouth shut in the next five milliseconds.

"No, Dr. Grey. I just think that there are too many doctors in this room for a simple follow-up exam six weeks after surgery," Edwards replies, chin up in the air.

Bad, bad move. She just opened the cage and unleashed the monster.

"Ah, _you_ think?" Meredith growls.

"Also, neurosurgery is not even your specialty, Dr. Grey."

"Really? I thought I forgot what my specialty was. You know, pregnant brain and all that," she laughs, irony sneaking into every crevice of her sentence. "It's not like I was the one saving her life, right?" she sharply turns towards Amelia. "You were there, uh, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Dr. Grey, -" Edwards begins, cut off by a murderous look from Meredith.

Amelia is about to reply, but she can't get a word in, before Meredith starts her own rant.

"I saved Beth's life, Dr. Edwards. Twice! I came up with the trial that saved her life the first time, and I practiced my ass off to save her a second time. I was there from start to finish. I shaved her hair, for heaven's sake!"

"I -"

"I am your superior, Dr. Edwards. Who gave you the right to undermine my authority? If I want to stay here and catch up with my patient, I will do it because I want to, and I can do as I damn well please," Meredith's voice raises, and the more she talks, the redder her cheeks become. "Now out, Dr. Edwards!"

"You're not…"

"Say another word and I'll ban you from the OR for the next three years. Let's see how happy you'll be when you have to take your boards when your friends are already running departments!"

Amelia opens the door to Stephanie, glaring at her just as harshly as Meredith is doing, and looking just as pissed off as his wife.

He can see Meredith physically deflate as soon as Edwards slams the door behind her back, like the most petulant child. He puts his hand on the small of her back, rubbing it in circles, knowing that this is so not what the baby or her body need.

"Breathe. Slowly," he murmurs, as he tries to subtly pull her closer and closer. She lets him guide her willingly, slowly releasing her anger in deep, shuddering breaths. "Slow, deep breaths. For the baby," he coaches, as the mood in the room loses some of its angry tension.

"I didn't really need a demonstration to know that you are Medusa," Beth sends her a grin, which makes Meredith finally smile. "Now, seriously, I have to go buy cute hats to cover my bald head, can you clear me for living my life?"

"Alright," Amelia gets in, knowing that Meredith needs a moment to calm herself down, and Derek needs to be in the moment with her.

"I'll hold you responsible if you make me late and I'll have to wear my dad's ugly worn-down Seattle Sonics hat in class," Beth laughs, positioning herself back on the exam table, ready to be poked and prodded.

* * *

Meredith rests her shoulder against Derek's broad chest, trying to focus on calming her heaving breaths. It feels so safe, being in Derek's arms. Sometimes she still can't put her finger on the fact that he's back if he's not touching her. They seem to be living in each other's shadow these days, except when they are in surgery. It's like they're both making up for lost time, and while before they almost never ate lunch together or updated their charts in the same room, now they do, and it's so nice to lift up her eyes and know that he's always there, within arm's reach.

She closes her eyes and listens to her still pounding heart, folding her hands under the swell of her belly, making her scrub top bulge a little with her hidden secret as her breathing regularizes.

"Aw, look at that belly!" Beth exclaims, as Amelia puts away her penlight, and Meredith slowly opens her eyes. "How far along are you, now?"

"Almost fifteen weeks," she mumbles, sharing a look with Derek, who places his hand over hers.

"You are all baby," Beth grins, then grimaces. "And now I sound like my mother at baby showers. You're not having a baby shower, right?"

"I hope not," Meredith laughs. "We already have most of the stuff, boy or girl."

"Baby showers are great only for the free food."

Meredith laughs. "You sound like my best friend Cristina," she says, knowing that if the two of them ever met, they'd get along pretty well.

"Too bad there's no alcohol either. Not that I would drink any, but…" Beth smirks, shrugging.

"You're not drinking, are you? Because with your meds…" Derek intrudes, his eyes showing concern as he keeps holding her up discreetly.

"No, Dad, I'm not drinking," Beth rolls her eyes, a chuckle slipping out of Derek's lips. "I wish I could, though. How long do I have to be on these meds?"

"Depends on the test results, but for a while, I'm sorry," Amelia adds. "They help preventing seizures."

"I know, but right now I'm ready to bargain a seizure for a couple of shots of tequila," Beth groans. "Hey, if I have a seizure, can it wipe out Andrew from my brain?"

Meredith feels her heart ache for Beth. She had wished for brain damage too, once upon a time. And coped with tequila. And wished Derek would disappear into thin air.

She feels his arms squeeze her gently against him, and she relaxes in his hold, letting him know that she's not that girl anymore, that she doesn't want to forget him, ever, not even if she gets Alzheimer's.

"On another note, it's better if I don't get seizures, though. Wiping out all the stuff I had to learn for my Anatomy class will irk me more than Andrew. It took me weeks to get some terms right!"

Meredith smiles. "Oh, I was good in Anatomy."

"Oh, you still have plenty of knowledge about it," Derek grins, giving Meredith one of his McDreamy looks. Amelia rolls her eyes at her brother's innuendo.

"I bet Dr. Shepherdess here knows someone else who has plenty of knowledge about anatomy, uh?" Beth jabs, making Amelia blush profusely, then she adds in a whisper, "Maybe someone who looks pretty hot in a uniform, with a sweet, corny, romantic side that leaves you with leftover chocolate for a week?"

"Are you in med school?" Amelia blurts, clearly trying to quickly change the subject, her voice raising up to cover Beth's snickers. Derek looks at the women in the room a little puzzled, but lets it go. Meredith finds it adorable how he learned to filter out girl talk and now he's completely oblivious to it.

"Pre med, still. Having brain tumors sets back your education," Beth shrugs, giving Amelia a look. The two of them wordlessly exchange vital information about Owen unbeknownst to a very clueless Derek.

"You're a walking textbook, Beth," Derek tries to cheer her up, successfully. "I talked about you for weeks at conferences and whatnot."

Beth rolls her eyes. "I remember people calling the house to ask my parents for privacy rights. I'm still not over the ugly photo you sent of me, by the way," she points a finger at him, making Meredith laugh.

"He picked that one because he looked good himself. You know his ego."

Derek's eyes widen, ready to jab back something, but Amelia cuts in before him. "I'm not surprised about that."

"Hey!" he feigns to be offended. "Why do girls always gang up on me?"

"You're such a nice target, DerBear," Amelia smirks.

"Oh, this is a good one! Dr. DerBear!" Beth cackles, though her movements are still a little stiff and she sobers up quickly. "Don't make me laugh, it makes my headache worse."

"I know headaches are normal, but do you need something stronger for the pain?" Meredith jumps in right away, studying Beth with concern.

"I'll be fine," the young woman sighs loudly.

"You won't heal quickly if you are in pain," Amelia adds, eying Beth carefully.

"I'm not in pain, I promise. Just...I need to find a way to keep Andrew away. Do you think it will work if I keep telling him I'm resting every time he knocks at my door?"

Meredith sighs. "I don't know. But you should rest for real when you get home," she says, her eyes staring Beth down. "And don't study too hard, your brain tires out quickly when you read. And no computer or TV."

"Yes ma'am. Mom."

"Hey, just because you never needed to study, doesn't mean others don't," Derek jabs, smiling at his wife.

"Hey, I studied!" she retorts, glaring at him.

"Nah, you were wild, I can see it in your eyes and in the way you're blushing," Beth grins, as Meredith's jaw slackens in surprise. "I promise I'll be good and won't study too much."

"Good," Meredith sighs, "Call if you have any questions," she concludes, squeezing Beth's hand gently as she backs away from the bed.

"We'll call you later when we have discussed your CT results, okay?" Amelia says, adding one last thing on Beth's chart on her tablet before they all move out in block, giving Beth room to redress and leave.

As soon as they part from Beth, Amelia's pager beeps.

"Crap," Amelia mutters when she looks at the page. "I have to go… don't discuss the results without me. Please?" She looks pleadingly at Meredith, as if she doesn't trust her brother to oblige.

Meredith looks at the time on her phone. "Actually, we have an OB appointment in fifteen minutes, so we don't have time to discuss them now. Later?"

"Perfect. I'll page you as soon as I'm done," Amelia sighs, running to wherever she'd been paged.

Meredith glares at Derek, his sparkling McDreamy eyes staring back at her.

"Well," she huffs, already exhausted and it's not even ten o'clock.

"Shall we?" He extends his arm, looping it into the crook of her elbow.

"Mmm, you know, you didn't have to make me look like a sleazy bad student in there," Meredith confronts Derek as they walk toward the elevator.

"I did no such thing," Derek contradicts. "You and Amy were ganging up on me!"

"We were not!" Meredith's jaw drops in protest.

"Uh huh," Derek mumbles, laughing sarcastically as he drags her into the elevator, since it conveniently happens to be opening when they approach it. He seizes her once they're in the elevator alone and whispers, "You were one of the best students I ever had."

"Because I let you in my pants?" Meredith glares at him with a tinge of suspicion in her eyes.

Derek smirks. "Oh, yes. Absolutely. I only like students who let me in their pants."

"You ass," Meredith rolls her eyes, elbowing his ribcage.

"Ouch!" he gasps, then frowns and shakes his head. "I was joking. No, it's because you're a natural. You didn't have to spend hours in the skills lab like most do."

The elevator dings before she can respond, signaling they've reached the OB floor.

* * *

He means every word that he's told her. Meredith never ceased to amaze him when she was his student, and she still amazes him with her natural talent for surgery. She's a brilliant surgeon, just like her mother. He hopes their children will get her natural knack for surgery, if they do in fact decide to become surgeons.

Though, he partly hopes they'll choose different paths in life. Coming from a family immersed in the medical field, four sisters who are doctors and a mother who was a nurse, he knows his children will be fascinated by it too. And the medical field is just that: fascinating. Of course his children will want to be doctors too. Though, he won't hold it against them if they don't.

A nurse calls Meredith's name before they even have a chance to sit down. He recognizes her; she has short red hair with bangs, and green eyes. He can't manage to pull out the file in his brain that recalls her name, though.

The nurse weighs Meredith. Derek glances over the nurse's shoulder at Meredith's chart, noting that she's gained six pounds. He remembers she'd lost two pounds at the very first appointment he'd attended with her, and she'd lost two more pounds at her last visit, so she's only gained a total of two pounds.

Derek is sure that his being home and providing actual, real food on the table is helping to nourish her and their baby. Plus, she's not regurgitating everything she eats anymore, thank God. He smiles proudly as they follow the nurse into an exam room. where she takes Meredith's temperature and blood pressure.

She has a temperature of 99.2. Derek knows it's normal for pregnant women's temperatures to run a little high. What concerns him is when he sees the nurse input his wife's blood pressure. _Borderline hypertension._

"Dr. Ryan will be in soon. Your chart says you'll be getting an ultrasound, so you can prepare by taking everything off from the waist down," the nurse tells them, handing Meredith a paper garment before she leaves.

He watches her slide off her pants and asks, "Are you nervous?"

She freezes. "We're surgeons. If he or she has DiGeorge Syndrome or spina bifida or a cardiac defect, we'll be fine. All of our friends are surgeons; they'll take care of us," she replies, sounding far more calm and rational than she had at any point during Bailey's pregnancy. "Besides," she adds sincerely, her eyes glistening, "we own a hospital. We'll figure out what to do if something bad happens."

"Okay," he smiles, hoping that they won't have to utilize those resources she's just named. He sighs, planting his hand on her shoulder. "It's just…I saw your blood pressure," he confesses. "It was pretty high."

She rolls her eyes, scoffing. "It's because I'm still reeling from Edwards's smart-ass remarks earlier. I cannot _believe_ she seriously tried to kick me out of that exam room. I'm her damn attending!" Her voice rises with fury. "Can you _believe_ her nerve?"

He shakes his head, helping her onto the exam table. "No, no I can't. But you shouldn't let her get under your skin. It's not healthy for you, or our baby." Before she can respond, the door swings open, revealing Dr. Ryan.

* * *

 _It's not healthy for you, or your baby,_ Derek's words make her cringe a little, even though she knows he's absolutely right. A surge of hormones reels through her body. Well, she's fairly certain it's the hormones sending a brief sensation of anger and the urge to yell at Derek to her brain. The sensation doesn't last long, though, and dissipates as soon as she sees Dr. Ryan's face.

Dr. Ryan isn't exactly smiling, however. Meredith senses a lecture coming her way.

"Look, before you lecture me," Meredith desperately sets out to explain why her blood pressure is elevated before Dr. Ryan opens her mouth.

A perplexed expression falls over Dr. Ryan's face. "Lecturing? Who said anything about lecturing?"

Meredith raises her brows. "Um, uh, I just assumed, since I know my blood pressure is high…"

"So far, your blood pressure has risen at each appointment," Dr. Ryan notes, studying her chart. "I think it's safe to assume that there's not just one reason factoring into that. There are several causes of high blood pressure, especially when you work in a high stress environment, like being a surgeon…"

"But surgery actually _helps_ alleviate my stress. The OR is the only place I truly feel sane," Meredith argues. "I _need_ to do my job."

"Meredith, relax." Meredith stares at Dr. Ryan blankly, tired of people telling her to relax. It isn't so easy, when her job is on the line. Then Dr. Ryan says, placing her hand on Meredith's knee, "I'm not going to tell you that you can't do your job."

Meredith releases a sigh of relief. "You're not?"

"Right now, we only need to worry if your blood pressure gets any higher. If you were any other patient, I would want you to report here twice to three times a week at different times of the day, to monitor your blood pressure, and keep a log of it with the dates and times, then review the log at each appointment."

"I can do that," Derek chimes in.

"Exactly where I was going," Dr. Ryan smiles. "Meredith, are you okay with Derek taking your blood pressure two to three times per week and logging it?"

"If it means that I can work, I'm game for anything," Meredith replies, smiling.

Derek nuzzles her ear. "We'll make it fun, I promise. Romantic." He winks, and Meredith knows her husband's mind has gone to a porny place, then she thinks back to the thirty-six questions they'd discussed last night.

"Well, Derek, taking my blood pressure wasn't exactly my idea of romance," Meredith giggles. He smirks as he kisses her temple.

"Oh, I can make it romantic," he concludes, pushing a strand of her hair back behind her ear.

"We should proceed with the rest of the exam," Dr. Ryan intervenes, her composure indifferent to Meredith and Derek's flirtatious behavior.

Meredith props herself for the ultrasound, knowing what to expect when Dr. Ryan squeezes the cool jelly onto her belly, and she feels pressure down below. Moments later, their baby is on the screen.

She knows that most expectant parents aren't fortunate to see their unborn child at this frequency, but because of the high risk status of her pregnancy, it's important that she gets regular ultrasounds at each checkup.

Her own heart skips a beat or two when she hears the swishes of her unborn child's heartbeat, and then the rhythmic thuds that follow. Elation floods her body when the grey-scaled fetus appears on the screen, and tears sting her eyes when she looks up at Derek. She's mesmerized by the twinkle in his eye as he leans forward to kiss her. He reaches for her hand and strokes her knuckles with his thumb.

"We've got a strong heartbeat, Mommy and Daddy," Dr. Ryan grins, discerning the ultrasound image.

"She looks good, doesn't she?" Derek says eagerly, intensely studying the ultrasound. "Or he? Can we tell yet?"

"It's a little early for us to decipher the gender on the ultrasound," Dr. Ryan explains. "Providing Baby wants us to know and is lying in the right position, we ought to be able to find out in another three to five weeks."

"Right, of course. I knew that. I've heard it's possible to find out this early, though," Derek defends his question.

"Sometimes you can identify the gender of the baby this early, but I never try to identify gender until at least eighteen weeks. It's more accurate," Dr. Ryan clarifies, moving the probe around Meredith's belly. "Your baby looks beautiful. I'm not seeing anything we should be concerned about. Have you felt any movements yet? It's early, but women usually feel their babies earlier the second pregnancy." She turns off the machine.

Meredith shakes her head. "I haven't, yet."

"That's okay. You should feel movement by our next appointment, though," Dr. Ryan says, pressing her hands on Meredith's belly. "Your measurements look good, and you're gaining weight. How's your nausea?"

"Gone, sans for when I'm near tomatoes," Meredith replies, nonchalant. _And tequila_ , Meredith thinks, though she doesn't say that out loud. She'd had an unpleasant encounter with tequila when they'd gone to DC a few weeks ago to pack up the rest of Derek's stuff. Derek had decided to drink two margaritas at some Mediterranean restaurant down the street from the zoo because they had a two for one deal going, and he wanted to drink one for her.

It had made for an interesting zoo trip, that's for sure.

"That's good to hear," Dr. Ryan nods.

"Can we, uh, get another print out of the ultrasound?" Derek asks out of the blue.

"The hospital is trying to cut back on paper, going "Green" and all, so I've been advised not to print out ultrasounds for patients. I can email you the shots, though," Dr. Ryan explains..

"That'd be great," Meredith smiles.

"Moving on," Dr. Ryan transitions to a more serious tone, "there are a few items we should discuss."

Meredith feels her stomach drop into its pit as she locks eyes with Derek, who looks equally worried. "I thought you said everything looked fine on the ultrasound?" Meredith ask.

"Oh, it does. Absolutely perfect," Dr. Ryan reassures them.

She and Derek both breathe again.

"Of course, there are some things I _can't_ see on the ultrasound, as I'm sure you're aware," Dr. Ryan adds.

"You want to ask us if we want to run more tests." Meredith garners where this conversation is headed. Dr. Ryan nods at that, and Meredith shakes her head. "No. We don't. Amniocentesis runs a risk of miscarriage, and I've been through enough already. I don't want more testing." Her tone rivals with adamance, and she looks to Derek, who looks taken aback. She slides off the exam table, reaching for her clothes. "Do you need anything else from me? Otherwise, I think we're done here."

"There's nothing left to discuss. I'd like to see you again in two weeks, though," Dr. Ryan says. "We'll review your BP log then. If you have questions, don't hesitate to call or stop by my office."

* * *

Derek, feeling surprised and confused, intently studies his wife as they leave the exam room to schedule her next appointment. After scheduling the appointment, she turns to him with one eyebrow up and asks, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" he asks, dumbfounded.

"Like I did something boneheaded."

"Meredith, I'm not," he insists. "I just...wow, I'm surprised. I would think you'd want every test run in the book. With Bailey, you were on edge all the time. You really don't want to know everything there is to know?"

"Do you?" she asks abruptly.

"I'm going to love our baby no matter what," he says with confidence, extending his arm to touch her belly.

"Are you saying I'm not?"

"Of course not! I'm just saying it doesn't matter, to me, if our child has Down syndrome or another condition. I'm going to love her...or him...no matter what, because this is our child we made together. That's enough reason for me to give her or him all the love in the world," Derek says, love, compassion, and gratitude whelming his heart as he wraps his arm around Meredith.

Meredith swallows. Her breaths hitch, like she's fighting a tear. "Me, too," she whispers.

"Now, I know something that helps lower blood pressure," he murmurs into her ear.

She tilts her head and raises her brows. "Oh, do you?"

Derek smirks knowingly, dragging his wife down the hall toward the closest on-call room.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: MerDer sex, anyone? We wanted to let you know that we'll be raising the rating to M soon because we intend on showing more graphic sex scenes and later we'll need to raise it for reasons other than sex, so if you do find this story by checking the main page, it'll no longer show up by default. You'll need to change your settings to show M rated stories. Follow this story to get email alerts when we update, or you can follow us on Twitter. I'm MerDerHart, and Irene is IreneB92.**

 **Also, we were wondering if anyone was interested in a oneshot about Meredith and Derek's DC adventure that was mentioned in this chapter?**


	5. Chapter 4

**Irene's A/N: Welcome on board of a new Storm chapter! I bet you will enjoy this one! Also, one last warning, next chapter we're changing the rating to M, so act accordingly!**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

* * *

Meredith uses Derek's body weight to slam the door of the on-call room. She doesn't really care what her co-workers will think of them.

Connie did say they need to lower her blood pressure, she's just following doctor's orders, for once.

She tangles her fingers into Derek's curls, kissing him until they're both breathless, craving the closeness, still riding the adrenaline rush of her appointment, together with the shouting match she had with Dr. Edwards.

Derek's moan resonates in the bare room, and when she meets his eyes, they are dark and glazed over. She's sure she'll never get tired of his aroused look.

"You know, maybe we should consider this celebratory sex," he says, his voice getting lost on the skin of her neck as he slowly kisses from her jaw down to her collarbone.

She goes limp in his hold. "Celebratory sex?" she echoes, not sure if she's just hearing things, and surely knowing she can't exactly process coherent thoughts as soon as he pulls her scrub top over her head and discards it somewhere on the floor of the on-call room.

"That way we can have let's-lower-your-blood-pressure sex later, at home, after we tell the kids."

She can only moan in some kind of agreement when he kisses her again, as she fumbles with the strings of his pants. Scrubs are a blessing for easy access, on-call room rendezvous.

Meredith has no idea who is naked first, only that she can suddenly feel the chill of the hospital feathering her overheated skin. Derek's kissing makes the chills disappear though, his lips eager to explore every exposed inch of her.

"Relax," he murmurs, a dangerous glint in his eyes. She's at his mercy, and she honestly doesn't mind one bit.

During the past six weeks they have regained an intimacy that had been missing for so long from their marriage, maybe even reaching a level of intimacy they never had before. Yes, they were happy for years before DC, their fights always ending with a compromise of some sort and hot make-up sex. Their last year was like a drought, and they were begging for intimacy in their metaphorical desert.

They have definitely replenished their intimacy tanks at this point, but she doesn't mind making them overflow.

Meredith tenses up in pleasure when he hits a spot with his tongue that he knows it drives her crazy. He's definitely in a teasing mood.

"I told you to relax," he hums, kissing her quickly, then descending down her neck and her sternum, covering every surface. She would be very relaxed if he didn't turn her on so badly. Being relaxed can be done later.

Derek's little touches and kisses slow down considerably when he reaches the gentle swell of her stomach. He closes his eyes while he kisses her skin, right above her belly button, then further left and right, up and down. He's the picture of bliss.

"Hi, Baby," he hums, his lips stretching into a smile before he kisses her belly again. "Daddy is proud of your impressive heartbeat," he adds, his voice barely audible, filled with an awe Meredith knows is reserved only for their children. Her eyes fill with hormonal tears.

She lowers her hand to rest on his cheek, nudging him to be at her eye level. He wordlessly complies to her motions, his nose a breath away from hers. She loses herself for a moment in his sparkly blue eyes, basks in the happiness and the calmness she finds there, then she kisses him.

The fire sparks back. The tenderness of their touch quickly turns into urgency, into raw need for more, for closeness, for heat.

Derek has the upper hand in their lovemaking for this round, knowing the exact pace that keeps her on the brink, the perfect spots that make her moan loudly as their bodies move as one being.

Whatever they thought was lost seems to be coming back in full force, in every kiss and every stroke, in every moan and every caress.

By the time they're both staring at the squared ceiling of the on-call room, their breaths uneven and their skin dewy with perspiration, Meredith feels like she's boneless.

The aftermath, the moment after his amazingly perfect orgasms, this is when her body relaxes the most. When he holds her still humming body and nuzzles her skin with his lazy lips, that's when her walls are down, and her blood pressure is surely never going to be a problem, in spite of her erratic heartbeat.

She feels so safe.

Meredith closes her eyes for a moment, curling up against Derek, placing her cheek over his heart as his left arm wraps around her. His hand rests fleetingly over her stomach, rubbing lazy circles with his thumb as their breaths slowly return to normal.

"I think I like this way to keep my blood pressure under control," she murmurs against his skin, and she shakes when his rumbly chuckle fills the room.

"Maybe every time you have a high reading we could hide away for this. We can even tell Dr. Ryan to back us up in case they find us half-naked in the lounge room."

Meredith laughs too, her hand rubbing his shoulder and his collarbone, tracing haphazard, soothing patterns on his warm skin. "I don't think they will believe us if we tell them she prescribed sex instead of bed rest."

"A guy can try," he winks, laughing again.

Derek's lips find the top of her head as his laughter dissipates and quiet settles in the on-call room. Sounds from outside start filtering inside, but they're still in their cocoon where Derek is sniffing her hair and she's safe in his arms. Nothing can disrupt that.

Except their pagers.

They both shriek at the same time, and both Meredith and Derek groan simultaneously as well. Meredith's body flops on the mattress as Derek leans over the bed to find his forgotten pants.

"Recess is over," he sighs. "Beth's scans are ready, Amelia is paging me. I guess she has time to review them now."

Meredith lets out a long breath as she sits up, collecting her hair in a ponytail, softly smiling at her husband, wordlessly promising him more.

From the glint in his eyes, he got the message loud and clear.

* * *

"There you are! God, what took you so long? Is everything okay with my niece or nephew?" Amelia shrills when they finally make it to the viewing room. They'd gotten a little distracted along the way, having stolen a few more kisses from each other, both very much fighting the urge to ignore Amelia's page, then of course Meredith needed to use the restroom, delaying them even longer.

"Baby's doing great. Strong heartbeat," Meredith smiles, sharing a look with Derek. Her sparkling eyes nearly cause his heart to physically explode with love.

"Her blood pressure was just a little high, but I'm sure it's fine now," Derek winks at Meredith, and her cheeks flush a tinge of red.

"Oh," Amelia says, her eyes widening, clearly perfectly understanding his implications, as a look of disgust transfers across her face. " _Oh_!"

"Anyway, the scans! How are the scans?" Derek quickly changes the subject.

Amelia sighs in relief at the subject change. "Take a look for yourself," she smiles, a twinkle in her eye, and Derek can tell from the look on her face that it's going to be good news.

A whelming sense of relief, delight, and pride ruptures throughout his body when he sees Beth Monroe's brain scans. "It's gone," he whispers, turning to Meredith, whose eye are also glued to the scan. "It's completely gone."

Her eyes sparkle. "We did it. We really did it," she says softly, one hand on her swollen belly, her other hand reaching for his. He loses all sense of control staring into her glorious eyes, falling toward her like a magnetic force is pulling them together, causing their lips collide.

"Uh-hem," he hears Amelia mutter, and he releases Meredith from the kiss. "Maybe I should have just let you guys go over the scans alone, so you can have the room." Amelia scoffs.

"On second thought, that's not such a bad idea," Derek smirks, and it's Meredith who rolls her eyes.

Before she has a chance to weigh in her two cents, the door swings open.

The Chief of Surgery appears, his eyes widening at the sight of Amelia, Meredith, and Derek together. "I, uh…" he stammers. "...a nurse told me Dr. Shepherd was in here."

"You're looking at him," Derek replies nonchalantly, not sure why Owen is acting so shaky.

"He means me," Amelia muses, her eyes sparkling as she flashes a look back at Owen. "Don't you, Chief Hunt?"

"Yeah," Owen nods. "Sorry, Derek."

Amelia snickers. "It's okay. He's just not used to being the _other_ Dr. Shepherd, yet. Believe me, it's good for his ego."

Derek feels his cheeks warming furiously. _Pick your battles,_ he tells himself, biting his tongue. It's not worth retaliating against his little sister. She's having a blast rubbing her authority in his face on a daily basis.

"Dr. Shepherd - errr, Amelia - could I have a word with you?" Owen asks, his voice trembling. "Please?"

"Of course, Chief." Amelia picks up her iPad, flickering a wink at Derek and Meredith. "Looks like you got your wish. The room is yours." She titters, leaving with Owen.

Derek rolls his eyes into the back of his head after they shut the door. "I hope Owen is about to scold her for something. He looked nervous, like he might have to yell at her," Derek confides in Meredith, snidely chuckling.

Meredith shrugs, leaning into him, flattening her hands against his chest. "Hey, you never know, maybe he's about to fire her, and you can have your job back." She runs her hands down his lean body, falling forward into his lips.

When their lips part, he says, "Meredith, I've told you. I don't _want_ my old job back. I want to focus on our family. That's what's important to me right now."

"Mmm," is all she says as she starts to remove his white coat and he steps back to lock the door. "I think we need to add the viewing room to the list," she seductively murmurs in his ear.

* * *

She's not completely buying it when he says he doesn't want his old job back, at least not a little bit. Otherwise, he wouldn't wish for Owen to yell at his sister. She's working on being happy, though, and happiness requires that she trusts her husband is telling her the truth. They'd agreed to be honest with each other, so she's going to believe him, even if she suspects otherwise.

Meredith throws her arms around his neck, kissing him intensely. It's not like another round of sex will hurt them. "Might as well lower my blood pressure some more," she purrs, running her fingers through his soft hair.

"Not a bad idea," Derek murmurs, pushing her against the wall and working his hands down to her scrub band. "I guess we can thank my sister for giving us the idea," he sneers.

"Nah, we would have ended up doing it anyway," she winks, discarding his scrub top, running her fingers all over his soft dark chest hairs. She has a thing for his chest hair as much as he has a thing for her neck. A chill sweeps down her spine when his lips lock against her collarbone, eliciting a soft moan from her lips. "We gotta be quick, though," she says gruffly, knowing that the viewing room is used more during the daytime than the on-call rooms. Plus, it's not like the viewing rooms are a _usual_ hookup place, as far as she knows.

"Oh, I can definitely do quick," he smirks. Quickies are their specialty, after all.

Their clothes shred everywhere in moments. He has her pinned to the wall where scans usually are displayed, kissing her, worshipping every limb of her body. His hand strokes over her sensitive areas below her waist. He inserts one finger and groans escape both of their lips.

God, she's so ready. The sparkle in his eyes unspokenly tells her that he knows, too.

She balances on one leg, lifting it above his hip for support. She knows she won't be able to do this for much longer. It won't be long before she's the size of a watermelon or pumpkin or balloon. They need to get the wild, crazy, adventurous sex out of the way, before she's confined to only a couple positions.

He rocks his hips, thrusting deep inside her. Derek Shepherd knows all the right spots to hit to drive her absolutely mad. She gasps out in helpless, pleasurable moans, but he covers her mouth with his hand. "Shhh," he whispers. He is right, she needs to be quiet, otherwise they will open the door to find the entire hospital listening. She truly doesn't care, though. It's not like the whole hospital is unaware that they fuck like bunnies. Alex and Amelia surely have never hesitated telling anyone with ears.

It's not like it is a crime to have sex with your husband behind locked doors in a hospital, is it? If they hadn't locked the door, that would be a whole other story.

Still, Derek keeps his hand over her mouth as a precaution as her body reaches Cloud Nine. She wants to scream in delight at the top of her lungs when the orgasm hits. It hits her like a wave, ready to suck her under. It's more intense than the on-call room orgasm, and she's sure it has something to do with the thrill of possibly getting caught.

They don't get caught, though. For once, they don't even get interrupted by their pagers. When they collect themselves and redress, not a soul is waiting outside of the viewing room. Lucky shot.

"We should call Beth and tell her the good news, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith delightfully tells her husband as they depart the viewing room together. For once, she's not bothered by any weird stares or whispers from the nurses. After all, she knows they're just jealous that they don't get to have sex with their hot, sexy husband around every corner of Grey Sloan Memorial.

"Yes, we should, and then we'll tell the kids." Derek stares at her bump, giddy as can be. He's the picture of a teenager who's just been gifted his first car for his sixteenth birthday.

* * *

The leftover giddiness from the OB visit and the great sneaky sex they shared fuels Derek all through the evening.

He listens to Meredith as she laughs and jokes with Beth on the phone, after informing her of the good news about her scans while he makes dinner, her voice as the perfect soundtrack for the preparation of the meal.

Dinner is a quiet affair, filled with the kids' chatter and their smiles, and Derek has to laugh when, as soon as they have cleared up the table, Meredith's phone rings again, Beth calling her one more time to chat about various surgical procedures.

Meredith did say she could call if she had any questions at all. Of course Beth is probably humoring her, but he's glad she's in such good spirits. It makes him feel even better when they save a good person.

Derek is cleaning up what's left of their dinner, the kids are playing somewhat calmly in the living room, and Meredith lights up their kitchen while she giggles with Beth. She's sitting on one of the bar stools, one elbow on the island, holding her phone, as she rubs her tiny belly discreetly, her smile a sight for sore eyes, the looks she sends him from time to time making him want to cross off all the items from their list on the fridge in one single session.

When she hangs up, her smile is still prominent, radiating heat off her. She stands up, then, moving closer to him, tangling one of her hands in his curls, the other running down his chest as he halts his movements, the dishes in the sink forgotten.

"Do you think the kids will go down early?" she murmurs, kissing his neck quickly, then resting her chin over his shoulder. She's wrapped around him like a blanket, now.

"I hope so," he smirks. "We need to pick up where we left off in the viewing room."

"We'll take it slow, though," she hums, leaving a featherlight kiss on his jaw. "We haven't had much time for slow, and you know how much I enjoy that."

Derek chuckles, trying to keep his body and mind calm, knowing that the kids are in the next room. They might be experimenting a lot these days and taking risks, but scarring their kids forever is surely not included on their list.

"Do you think they'll fall asleep if we put on a movie and we snuggle together?" he suggests, as their bodies relax a little against one another.

"Maybe," she sighs. "You can't feel me up, though!"

"Aw, what's the point of watching a movie under a blanket, then?" he smirks, kissing her lips as she rolls her eyes. "I promise I'll be a good boy."

"You'd better," she hums, kissing him back, before she untangles from him. "Kids, do you want to watch a movie?" she asks, her tone louder.

As her voice carries out to the living room, both Zola and Bailey's faces perk up, appearing from the top of the couch or its armrests much like two little groundhogs. It takes them a second to bolt to the shelf filled with their DVDs, both of them picking a movie.

Of course Zola's top choice is _ET_ , and he sees Meredith almost groan at the sight. Bailey has picked _Cars_ , which is a movie that they haven't seen in the past few weeks. He uses the excuse that it's Bailey's turn to pick, which upsets Zola, but as soon as the movie starts she quickly loses her edge.

He finds it funny that both kids are leaning heavily on Meredith, practically separating them, actively making it impossible for him to even attempt to feel her up. She smirks at him, as Bailey rubs his nose against the side of her breast, while Zola leans her head on her shoulder, on the opposite side of Derek. Meredith's hand sprawled on top of her belly is the cherry on top.

The image of his wife snuggled like this with their babies, their newest one growing safely in her stomach, still makes his throat tighten. There were times when he never considered this possible, or when he considered he had lost it all, and now, having them like this within hand's reach is his definition of perfection.

He doesn't care about all the hoops they'll have to go through to fix their marriage. When he looks at his wife and kids like this he knows it's worth the struggle.

By the time the credits roll on the screen, both kids are already halfway to dreamland, content smiles on their lips; they have no intention of letting go of Meredith either.

"Wanna go get your pjs on? I think it's time for bed," she murmurs, kissing both their foreheads.

"I'm no sleepy, Mama," Zola hums, though her eyes are heavy.

"No seep," Bailey parrots, his yawn betraying him.

"What if we tell you a bedtime story?" Derek grins, knowing that it's the perfect opening to tell them about their baby sibling.

He shares a look with Meredith, and she seems to be reading his mind. Her eyes darken. Derek tried to find the perfect moment to tell Zola and Bailey about Baby during the entire evening, but nothing seemed to fit the occasion, or the kids were too distracted to fully understand what is going to happen in a few months. Part of him probably was hindered by Meredith's face every time he even thought about breaching the subject, too, and so he has remained quiet the entire night. Now he's so ready to tell the kids he's about to burst.

"'Kay, Daddy," Zola seems to agree with his suggestion, slowly moving out of Meredith's embrace. "Make it a good one," she warns, before she disappears upstairs, Bailey following hot on her heels.

"Derek, are you sure it's not too soon to tell them?" Meredith asks, standing up too, smoothing down the t-shirt on her belly.

"You are practically showing already. Zola will have questions too, either way," he reassures her, unable to keep his smile in check, widening it even more as he places his hand over the swell of her stomach. "It will work out."

She sighs loudly, her shoulders sagging as she follows the kids to their rooms.

Derek lets out all the worries that come nagging him in a deep breath, then moves upstairs to Zola's room. His daughter is already snuggled into her bed, surrounded by her stuffed toys, though she's holding a stuffed panda tightly, kissing his fur before she tucks him under the covers next to her.

"Daddy's here for the story," she grins, wiggling in anticipation.

"Let's wait for Mommy and your brother, okay?" he tells her, sitting on her bed.

Zola nods, repeating everything to her panda. The panda quickly became her favorite stuffed toy and replaced Alex's Iowa unicorn in a heartbeat after they visited the DC zoo. She saw the panda bear in the flesh, and of course she fell in love with his stuffed version too. They figured it wouldn't hurt to bring home a souvenir from their trip.

Derek turns around when he hears Meredith walking in the room, her smile tired, Bailey hanging around her hip, accentuating her tiny baby bump, her free hand placed absentmindedly over it. Derek is sure that she hasn't lifted contact with her belly during the entire night, and his heart feels full. He feels blessed.

Meredith sits on the bed next to Zola, shifting Bailey to keep him more comfortable. Bailey crawls away from her and plops into Derek's lap instead, clinging to him. The boy will be out for the count pretty soon, he's sure of it.

"Mama," Zola interrupts, her brows knit as she stares at Meredith. "Do you gots a tummy ache?"

Meredith frowns, and Derek is sure he's doing the same. "No, Lovebug, I'm okay. I'm feeling good," she replies. "Why are you saying that?"

"Cause you keep touching your tummy and it's round like when I eat lots and lots of cookies," Zola observes. "My tummy hurts when I eat lots and lots of cookies."

"Oh," Meredith says, her mouth hanging open for a second, before she swallows thickly, her eyes wide.

"Mommy is okay, I promise, she hasn't eaten any cookies," Derek smiles, reassuring Zola. "Her belly is just getting bigger because she has your baby sister or your baby brother growing in there," Derek grins, glancing at Meredith to see her freeze.

Zola stares at him puzzled, the frown on her face deepening. "Bails is not in her belly," she says, clearly confused.

"Oh, not Bailey," Derek grins. "Another baby sibling."

"A baby sister?" Zola's eyes light up, and Meredith cringes.

"We don't know, Lovebug," Meredith whispers, her voice barely audible.

Zola still looks confused, though. "How come my baby sister is not here, yet? We can trade Bails!"

"No, we're not trading Bailey, and your baby sibling is in Mama's belly because he or she has to grow big and strong before coming out," Derek explains, but Zola doesn't seem really convinced.

"I remember when Bailey was a little baby, but he was a big little baby. Where can Mommy put the big little baby in her belly? There's no room!" Zola exclaims.

"That's why my belly is going to grow, the baby starts out very little, then it grows and grows," Meredith murmurs, standing up to pick a photo album from a shelf. "See," she says, flipping through the pages until she reaches a photo of the two of them smiling, Meredith clearly pregnant with Bailey. "Do you remember when I had your brother in my belly?"

Zola stares at the photo in confusion, shaking her head as she looks alternatively between Meredith, the photo album and a half-asleep Bailey. "Bay's big head fit in your tummy?"

Meredith finally giggles. "Yes, it surprisingly did."

Zola stares at the picture, studying it, tracing the edges, poking the paper. Derek looks around the room to see if there are other photos with Meredith looking a little less pregnant, so that Zola can understand better, until his eyes fall on the perfect prop.

Derek picks up Anatomy Jane from beside the panda toy, untying her gown.

"Daddy!" Zola's eyes widen. "Anatomy Jane is cold!"

Derek chuckles, removing the doll's stomach, then rummaging in the drawer of Zola's nightstand for the rest of Anatomy Jane's removable parts.

"Look," he explains, when he finally finds the piece of Anatomy Jane he was looking for. "See this little baby?" he shows, picking up the tiny fetus curled up already in birthing position, settling it over the detachable organs of the doll, then covering it up with the rounded abdomen. "This is where your baby sibling is growing inside Mommy."

"She's upside down?" Zola's eyes widen.

"She or he might be doing backflips now for all we know, it's so little. There's a lot of room. See, the baby in your doll's belly is the size of a baby that is ready to come out," Meredith explains, removing the belly again to show Zola the fetus again.

"Bailey was bigger, Mommy, I don't understand…"

"And your sibling will be just as big when it will come out," Derek smiles. "It has a lot of growing to do."

"In Momma's belly."

"Yes," Meredith murmurs, "right here," she says quietly, exposing her stomach and showing it to Zola, tapping her skin gently.

"And she's not all big yet?"

"No, he or she is not very big, now," Derek smiles, watching as Zola crawls closer to Meredith, gently poking her belly.

"How big?" she asks, still curious, still not fully convinced.

"Baby is the size of an apple," Meredith smiles, letting Zola poke her.

"Bailey was a lot bigger than an apple!" Zola exclaims. "Bailey was big like...like a cake! When my baby sister is like a cake?"

"Six months, Zozo," Meredith says. "Spring has to end, then summer with a lot of sun has to come, and then your baby sibling will be here when summer ends."

"But that's lots of sleeps! Lots and lots! I don't know if I can wait lots and lots," she pouts.

"Isn't that fun to wait for Santa to come, though? You have to wait and be good, but it's fun to open all the presents," Derek adds, trying to calm her down.

"It is."

"Waiting for the baby will be more or less like waiting for Santa."

"My baby sister comes before Santa, right?" Zola asks, suddenly worried.

"Yes, Baby comes before Santa."

"Good, 'cause that's really far away!"

Derek chuckles, watching as Zola kisses Meredith's belly, whispering a soft goodnight to her "baby sister", then Meredith's cheek, before she hides under her covers.

"Go away now, gotsa sleep so my baby sister comes!"

Derek chuckles at how tightly she shuts her eyes, and he notices that Bailey is fast asleep as well. He's not sure if Bailey can understand what is going on before he meets the new sibling, but he hopes that at least Zola understood a little bit of what is going to happen.

He's sure the questions aren't over, yet.

"Are you sure you don't want a story?" Derek asks, only winning a growl in response.

"Daddy, go 'way! No story. I have to sleep lots to see my baby sister!"

Derek shakes his head, uncovering a bit of her face to kiss her temple, tucking her in. Meredith does the same, whispering her goodnight, before they leave only her nightlight on and leave the room. Derek also tucks Bailey into bed, both of them careful not to wake him when they kiss him goodnight. The little boy barely stirs.

They move back downstairs, then Meredith announces she's going to bed too. He expected a glint in her eyes, some kind of strange proposal for peculiar sex, but she clearly looks drained after the confrontation. He doesn't blame her, he knows how worried she is about this baby, still.

He decides to grab a glass of water for her first - he knows he has to keep her hydrated, even though she hates how much she has to pee because of it. He picks up a chilled bottle of water from the fridge, taking it to their bedroom, placing it on her nightstand as Meredith comes out of the bathroom in one of his t-shirts and pajama pants, looking exhausted.

"I'm going to take a quick shower before bed, wanna join me?" he smiles softly. She shakes her head. "We don't have to have sex, if you don't want it," he blurts, and she smiles up at him.

"I just want to lie down for a bit, I feel a headache coming."

Derek smiles sadly, kissing her temple softly. "Close your eyes."

"Can you hold me when you're done?" Her voice sounds so vulnerable, so lost, he has no idea what happened. He blames the rollercoaster of her hormones, but he knows it's part of her pregnancy, and he's ready to embrace every moment.

"Of course I'll hold you. This is what I look forward to every night," he grins, kissing her lips before he disappears in the bathroom.

He tries to be really quick, to wash away the dirt of the day from his skin, so that he can go back and hold his wife, feel how her body has changed from the night before, and for once not in a sexual way. Meredith's ever changing body always fascinates him, no matter how he touches her. And he's glad that they found their way back to that kind of closeness.

When he re-enters their bedroom, his hair still frizzly from the humidity, his body still warm under his pajamas, he stops dead in his track at the sight of his wife.

Meredith is sitting up propped on the headboard of their bed, a hand on her bare belly, another one holding a crumpled tissue, her cheeks stained with tears.

"What's wrong?" he blurts, his eyes widening when her tears come faster, a sob escaping her lips. "Is it the baby?" he asks, when he sees her move her hand over her skin.

He crouches next to her, eye level with the belly, placing his hand next to hers. She clutches his fingers in hers, squeezing them tightly, before she moves them around, lightly pressing down.

"Mere, -"

"It's moving," she whispers, her eyes locking with his. "It's fluttering inside of me," she gulps, more tears falling down her cheeks.

Derek stares at her belly, their joined hands, then her glistening eyes. "Baby's moving?"

Meredith nods, and he closes the space between them with a kiss, unable to help himself. He kisses her with all he has, their hands still over her belly, until she pulls away with a giggle.

"Baby likes it when we kiss," she murmurs against his lips, "I swear that was a somersault."

Derek chuckles, kissing her again, unable to stop. She looks radiant, glowing under the light of her bedside lamp and her tears, and he feels his heart burst with love for her and their baby.

"I'm sorry you can't feel it, yet," she hums, resting her forehead against his.

"I will feel it. I plan on never leaving your side as soon as I do." He manages to make her giggle, and this time he knows there are happy tears streaming down her face. "Are you okay?" he hums, just to make sure, for his peace of mind.

Meredith nods, motioning for him to get into bed. She lays on her side, wordlessly telling him to spoon her as she keeps his hand on her belly, covered with hers, as she tracks down the flutters she's feeling.

"It feels so real, now," she hums as soon as their room plunges into darkness, only the sliver of moonlight filtering from their window. "The baby is so real."

"I know."

"I'm so scared, Derek. I can't lose it now."

"You heard Connie, everything is going well with the baby. We'll keep track of your BP, keep you calm, and everything will be fine. I will take care of you and our baby."

She hums, snuggling even deeper into his embrace.

"Zola thinks it's a girl, too," she smiles. "If it's a boy you'll be the one breaking the news to her, alright?"

Derek laughs at his wife, kissing her neck, breathing her in. There's no better way for him to end his day than this, snuggling with his wife, their tiny baby making back flips in her belly, their children sound asleep in their beds.

Well, it gets even better when Meredith asks him if he wants to have celebratory sex, and he's really glad they have so many reasons to celebrate today, and not just because he enjoys celebrating immensely.

It's because it feels like their life is aligning back to what it used to be, and he can't be happier.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: Aw, they're so happy. Everyone loves happy MerDer, no? I miss them so much.**


	6. Chapter 5

**Nicole's A/N: I hope everyone in the US had a wonderful Fourth of July holiday, and everyone else had a great July 4th 2015. Enjoy the chapter! Reminder: We've upped the rating to M now.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

* * *

 _Connie Ryan's face is a picture of vigilant fear. Her brown, now wide eyes glue to the ultrasound machine. Meredith lies uncomfortably like she's an elephant on the exam table, squeezing Derek's hand tightly as she awaits and anticipates the worst news her OB can give her._

" _What is it? Is my baby dead?" Meredith demands, chills running down her spine. She knows it. Her baby is dead. The baby hasn't budged in weeks. She must be dead._

 _Connie's coffee brown eyes glaze over. "No," her obstetrician replies in the smallest coy voice. "Not yet."_

" _Not yet?" Meredith's jaw drops, trying to catch her breath._

" _See, I told you everything was fine," Derek assures confidently from her side. "Our baby is not dead."_

" _You moron! She said NOT YET_ ," _Meredith bellows, her jaw quivering. She starts to shake, losing all control of her reflexes. Loud, deafening sobs escape her lips. Her cheeks are tear-stained. Her temples pulsate painfully. "That means the baby is going to die, Derek. I was right. The baby is dying in my belly right now."_

" _Meredith, breathe," Dr. Connie Ryan says, her voice softer now, and she places her hand on Meredith's back. "There is...one thing...you can do to save your baby's life."_

" _What? We'll do anything," Derek asks, squeezing her hand. Meredith's stomach muscles tighten. Acid crawls up her throat._

" _You need to have sex. Lots and lots of sex. It's the only way to save your baby."_

Meredith awakes from her dream lying in a pool of sweat. She pants, terror violating her veins, her hand firmly cupping her swollen round bump. A sharp ache severs her temporal lobe; she feels like her brain is about to implode.

And it hits her.

 _Three weeks_.

Three weeks have passed since she first felt the somersaults of butterflies flutter. The baby hasn't moved since the very first time, when she was lying in bed after they'd told the kids about the baby.

Her insides twist and turn; stomach acid bubbles in the bottom of her throat. The acidic liquid burns her esophagus, which she swallows rather than darting to the nearest bathroom to purge.

The last three weeks have been insane. One disaster after another and, for once, it hasn't had anything to do with her personal life. It's the ER that has been crazy. You'd think it's summer break, but there's still a good month before school's out, so it must just be spring fever. People have lost their minds.

A couple weeks ago, she had treated a child who'd been fatally injured after a crazy maniac drove into his backyard and ran over his trampoline, which he had been jumping on. People are nuts! Kids can't even safely play in their backyard these days. It makes her grateful that she and Derek live in a secluded area where cars don't frequent. She'd definitely hugged both of her children tightly the next morning. The cases involving children were always the hardest for her, especially since she became a mother.

Then last week she'd treated a police officer who was shot during a routine traffic stop. He'd pulled the guy over for speeding and was then met in the chest with a bullet.

Last night she'd treated a college freshman who passed out after taking the cinnamon challenge. Meredith has never understood what thrill teenagers got from choking themselves to death by swallowing cinnamon. It was a deadly challenge, and teenagers ought to be educated on its deadly risks. How many need to die before people will stop doing it? What's the point of the challenge, anyway? To see if you can escape death?

Meredith has escaped death plenty of times. She certainly doesn't need to escape the cinnamon challenge, too.

Her heart races erratically. Something is wrong. She can feel it in her bones, though she blames the firm on-call room mattress for causing the dull ache permeating her lower back.

Before she can think twice, she's rolling off the lower bunk and bolting to OB to get checked out.

* * *

Meredith finds Dr. Ryan alone in her office. She's sitting behind her desk. Meredith is a little surprised to see the OB-GYN in her office, seeing as it's still pretty early.

"Meredith, what brings you here so bright and early?" Dr. Ryan inquires, looking obviously surprised to see her. Her eyes focus on Meredith, who is heaving and gasping for air, after running as quickly as possible to her OB-GYN's office. "Is everything okay?"

Meredith's breaths hitch as she stands still in the doorway of Dr. Ryan's office. "No...I mean...I don't think so. I think something's wrong."

"Come in," Dr. Ryan motions for her to enter. "Why do you think something's wrong? Have you experienced cramping? Bleeding?"

"No," Meredith says. "I just...I haven't felt the baby move."

"At your last appointment, you said you'd felt fluttering," Dr. Ryan says.

"I had, but it was three weeks ago, and I just realized today I haven't felt anything since," Meredith replies, her voice trembling.

Dr. Ryan smiles gingerly. "Relax, Meredith. It's quite normal for pregnant women to feel movement and then not for a while, especially busy surgeons like yourself. Have you been working a lot lately?"

Meredith sighs. "Yes," she admits, "and that's why I'm worried. What if I've hurt the baby by working so much? I'm always running all over the place. I know you've told me to cut back, but I can't stay away. Derek took my blood pressure when I was in the OR once, and it was the lowest it's ever been. I can't stop working."

"When was the last time Derek took your blood pressure?" Dr. Ryan asks, not commenting on Meredith's work load.

"Uh," she pauses to think. "A couple days ago I think. It's been crazy here lately. The last three weeks have been insane. I think we're on the verge of an apocalypse with some of the absurdity I've seen recently," Meredith says, perhaps sounding a wee bit dramatic, but it's her honest perception of what she's seen come through the emergency room.

"You're telling me. I've delivered six babies in the last twenty-four hours. Five were premature, and four of those five were born because of careless accidents that could have been prevented," Dr. Ryan informs Meredith, and it's then Meredith notices the dark circles and wrinkles of exhaustion around the OB-GYN's eyes. Meredith isn't the only doctor who's been at Grey Sloan all night.

"That's insane. Are the babies doing okay?" Meredith asks.

"They're all doing well except one," Dr. Ryan says, frowning slightly. "Anyway, let's get you set up in an exam room, and we'll see that everything's okay. Have you called Derek?"

Meredith shakes her head quickly. "I'd prefer not to. He's been home with the kids all night, and I don't want to worry him. Like you said, everything's probably fine, and I'm just being a worrywart."

Dr. Ryan nods, saying nothing.

* * *

Meredith promptly adjusts herself on the table shortly after entering the exam room. The room is chilly; the cool air forms goosebumps on her arms when it brushes her exposed skin. Dr. Ryan quickly sets up the ultrasound and squirts the cool gel on her swollen belly, eliciting a shiver from Meredith.

Moments later, the rhythmic thumps tap her eardrums. Meredith feels elation and relief as her breathing slowly returns to normal. Dr. Ryan has the screen turned away from her, though, causing Meredith to worry that something else might be wrong, something Dr. Ryan doesn't want her to see. There's a glint in her obstetrician's eyes. _A glint of what?_ Meredith wonders anxiously.

"Is...she or he...okay?" Meredith asks, trying to keep herself composed as she inhales a sharp breath of air.

Dr. Ryan smiles gently. "Your baby is perfect, Meredith, and I can tell you if you're having a he or she, if you'd like."

Meredith's jaw drops, and she gasps. "No! Absolutely not! Derek will kill me if I find out without him," she responds adamantly. "Please, don't show me the screen."

Dr. Ryan flicks off the monitor. "Okay, then. How about you and Derek stop by later together, and you can find out together."

"Let's do that, I'm sure Derek will be thrilled," Meredith nods agreeably, feeling tension expel from her body, but her pulse continues to drum through her ears.

Dr. Ryan grabs the blood pressure band and says, "Let's take your blood pressure real quick, for good measure." She squeezes the band around Meredith's thin arm. The obstetrician's eyes darken when the tension escapes from the band, revealing Meredith's numbers.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Meredith can tell from the look on the doctor's face that it's not good.

"You should go home, take the day off," Dr. Ryan says.

Meredith frowns. "But…"

"Meredith, I'm not offering this is as a suggestion. This is an order. As your doctor, I'm requiring you to take the day off. It's one day. Leave the kids in daycare, and you go home and take a hard-earned nap."

Meredith grunts, but she doesn't argue with her OB.

Instead, she exits the room and glances at time on her phone. It's almost eight o'clock, which means Derek should be arriving at the hospital with the kids soon. She can go home and take a long nap like Dr. Ryan told her to do. Or she can find a more effective, guaranteed method of lowering her blood pressure…

Her husband will be at the hospital, not at home.

* * *

"Daddy, do you think my baby sister will like pandas?" Zola asks eagerly as Derek enters the hospital, a diaper bag wrapped around his shoulder, his son in his other arm, and Zola holding onto one hand.

It's been a rough morning. Meredith was on-call all night for the third time this week, leaving Derek alone to get the kids ready for the day. He doesn't mind spending time with the kids, but it's definitely easier when she's around, that way one can focus on Bailey and the other on Zola. Zola is fairly self sufficient getting ready in the morning on her own, but she's sneaky. For example, two mornings ago when Meredith was also on-call, she tried to get away with pouring an extra bowl of cereal for herself. Luckily, he was able to stop her before she created a huge mess and consumed more calories than her little body needs.

"Probably, who doesn't like pandas?" he laughs, genuinely hoping the new baby _is_ a girl, since Meredith declared that _he_ would have to be the one to break the news to his daughter if they're having another boy. The last thing he wants is to burst his daughter's happy bubble. Meredith is eighteen weeks now, so he knows they might find out soon. Dr. Wyatt had told them to stop in whenever they wanted when she hit eighteen weeks. Maybe, if he finds Meredith, they can find out this morning.

"We can we go back to DC and see Panda again?" Zola asks anxiously, but before he can answer, his daughter's eyes light up. Turns out he doesn't have to go far to find Meredith at all. "Mommy!" Zola lets go of his hand and runs toward a very worn-out looking Meredith. She flings her arms around her mother and shrills, "I misseded you last night."

Meredith smiles tiredly. "I missed you, too, sweetheart." She takes Zola's hand and walks closer toward him, the redness in her eyes even more visible. He can't tell if it's sleepy redness or crying redness or maybe a little of both, but he's determined to find out. "Hey," she says softly.

"Mama!" Bailey happily cries at the sound of his mother's voice.

"How are my boys?" She kisses the top of Bailey's head and then gives Derek a soft peck on the lips.

"I Panda!" Bailey announces, giggling.

"You don't look like a panda to me, Bails. You look like a monkey." Meredith's lips form into a gentle smile as her eyes sparkle with motherly love at their adorable blond-haired, blue-eyed son.

"Panda!" Bailey repeats his new favorite word.

"We're okay. Are you?" he asks worriedly, carefully studying his wife. Wrinkles of visible exhaustion have formed around her eyelids. He hopes she was able to catch a couple hours of sleep last night, but he knows the world of being on-call too well, and that's not always possible. He trusts Meredith to take care of herself, though, and to slow down if needed. He knows she wants to have a healthy baby just as much as he does.

"We should talk after we drop the kids off," she replies, causing Derek's stomach to lurch. Her voice is low and subdued, and he can't shake the feeling that she has bad news. She's been working so much lately, though he has made a constant effort to ensure he takes her blood pressure at least three times a week. They had an appointment last week, and her numbers were better than the last appointment. Her blood pressure still runs high on most days, but it's been much lower than it was at the fourteen-week appointment.

Interestingly enough, her blood pressure was pretty low the time he took it after she scrubbed out of the OR. That's part of the reason he is okay with her working this much overnight. Once, she had insisted he take her blood pressure _while_ she was operating, and that was the lowest reading he's gotten to date.

Meredith goes with him to the hospital daycare, taking Zola into the preschool while he kisses his son goodbye, then they meet outside of the double windows. He sees Zola join Sofia at a table.

"What do you want to talk about? Is something wrong?" he presses for answers, his fingers lingering near her belly. She abruptly grabs his hand, weaving her fingers into his.

"Let's go somewhere more private," she insists, then dragging him across the floor toward the elevator. He has no choice but to follow her lead.

"If it's something bad, you can tell me here," he says hoarsely as they ride the elevator to the next floor up. She remains mute, though.

Then she drags him to the closest on-call room and locks the door behind him. Taking him by surprise, she nearly assaults him by slamming his body against the wall.

Derek gasps, "Meredith, what in the…"

"Shh," she moans seductively into his mouth.

"Mmm," he murmurs against her cheek, breathing her in. "Don't get me wrong, I love this. I just thought you wanted to talk…"

"The kids were right there. What was I supposed to say? I want to fuck their daddy?" she teases, massaging her fingers through his hair.

"Ah," he mouths, his hands running down the sides of her navy blue scrubs. He slows his caress around the swell of her abdomen, his thumbs hovering gently over their unborn child. "So, everything's okay?"

"Everything's great. Since when are you the dark and twisty one? That's my job," she whispers, giggling as she pushes him onto the bed and hurriedly digs her fingers into his jean buttons as his hands feel up her torso under her shirt. He freezes his hands on her stomach, observing what he thinks are obvious changes in Meredith's belly since days prior, when they'd last had sex. Joy and happiness fills his veins, grateful to know their little baby is growing safe and sound.

Meredith practically rips his pants off, so he slides off her scrubs. He hadn't had time to change into his scrubs yet.

* * *

Meredith feels his hard member throbbing against the small curve of her inner thigh. She has so many dirty thoughts plague her brain. She leans over, face first, ready to drive him mad.

Her own arousal grows as she licks around the tip of his cock. She moans in delight when she hears him grunt. "Meredith, - " he gasps. He's helpless. She possesses him now. The delirium lifts her onto a vigilant delightful path.

"Shhh," she moans. Her fun is just beginning. His flavor savors inside her mouth; it's the only saltiness she's been able to digest lately without feeling nauseous. It's like she's eating a whole fistful of French fries. He tastes so good. She's confident she's just as pleased as Derek right now.

"Meredith, I'm gonna come if you don't stop…" Derek gasps, giving her the signal that it's time move forward.

Her lips release him, she kisses his tip one more time before leaning forward, and she lathers his clavicle with soft, delicate kisses. Another moan fades out of his lips. Her hands ride down his sternum as she slides on top of him, her hand reaching the most important member.

"Mmmm, Derek," she moans. "Take me for a ride, Derek." His piercing blue eyes sparkle with delight as she pushes him inside and rides him, his hands rising naturally to support her bare waist, his thumbs aiming to firmly protect their unborn child.

With each gallop, her heart races faster and faster. The rhythms of blood pouring through her veins drum in her ears. Her temples pound like a xylophone. Pleasant sensations tingle all over her brain. She knows her orgasm is approaching.

 _Closer and closer. Soon._ Her destination is so close. It's everything she needs and wants right now.

She moans out in deafening pleasure; it's music to her ears. Chills tantalize her spine. Her head spinning its way to oblivion. The thrill of orgasmic pleasure surpasses any rollercoaster.

"Close, so close," she cries out in desperation, galloping faster and faster, wanting it, needing it…

Then the pagers shrill. Both of them.

And it dies away before she has the chance to finish.

"Damn it!" she shrieks, groaning her disappointment as she collapses breathlessly on top of Derek, still in longing.

They redress at light speed, their bodies still tingling. They share one last kiss before opening the door, their foreheads touching for a brief moment of quiet before the madness.

"I hate work," Meredith announces, heaving out a frustrated breath.

"We should go into hiding tomorrow. End our shifts and disappear. We are on the board, we can do whatever we want. You can play the pregnant card," he winks, kissing her quickly, before his hand goes on the doorknob.

Meredith sighs, smiling at him as they march to the ER, as she wonders when will they be able to finish what they started in the on-call room. She knows that she should be taking it easy, and taking a day or two off wouldn't be all that crazy, especially considering that she should be on her way home right now, but she's sure that she will feel even more restless if she stays home, alone. She hasn't napped since Bailey was born and she was on maternity leave. Work keeps her sane, and now her hours are regular enough that she doesn't need naps like she did when she was an intern. She would gladly pick up where she and Derek left off, honestly. Maybe they can take a day off for themselves and spend it naked, that would be more effective than any nap.

Her thoughts are quickly adverted though when she sees the madhouse that is their ER.

Dr. Ryan will understand why she's working. Derek would probably go as far as tying her up if he knew what their OB had said, but he doesn't know, so she's free to grab a yellow protective gown and put it over her scrubs as she marches to the central nurses' station.

"What happened?" she asks one of the frazzled nurses as soon as she hangs up the phone.

"Bleachers collapsed at a high school in West Seattle during a soccer tournament. There are two incoming ambulances, one with extensive abdominal injuries, the other is one of the players, possible head trauma and a mysterious fainting."

"Mer, come with me, I need another set of hands for an incoming kid with abdominal injuries," Alex appears out of nowhere, almost dragging her to the ambulance bay before she can ask the nurse anything else.

Showtime. Rest is for the weak.

* * *

 **Irene's A/N: So, Meredith is being a little rebel. And you found out one of the reasons why we decided to up the rating to M. We hope you enjoyed this, and stay tuned to see what will happen in the ER!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Irene's A/N: You can all blame me for the delay in the chapters these days, I've been madly busy. Now, read on to find out what is happening in the ER...  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

* * *

Derek changes into a pair of scrubs so quickly he probably sets a new World Record, then dashes to the ER as if he were competing against Usain Bolt.

By the time he's gowned and gloved and reaches the ambulance bay, Meredith and Alex are rolling away with a young girl on a gurney, and another ambulance is pulling up front.

"What do we have?" he jumps right in, spotting a teenage boy sitting up on the gurney, paramedics flanking him as they roll him inside.

"Peter Novak, sixteen, collapsed in the middle of the field after the bleachers at his soccer game crumbled down; he hit his head."

"My sisters, where are my sisters?" Peter exclaims, looking around the ER frantically as they move him towards one of the curtains.

"Peter, hi," Derek smiles in a friendly way, trying to catch the teenager's attention. "I'm Dr. Shepherd. I will personally find your sisters after we know what is going on with you, alright?"

"Priya was on the bleachers. One second she was waving at me and the next…" he says, tears filling his eyes. "I don't know what the hell went down."

The paramedics move him to the curtain bed, relinquishing their gurney then rolling away quickly, to go back to the high school. Derek closes the curtain, creating a quieter alcove for the examination.

"Okay, I'm going to do a quick neurological exam first, then we'll go from there," Derek announces, grabbing his penlight and smiling at the boy. "The paramedics said you collapsed and hit your head."

"I think so. I remember everything turning black after the bleachers collapsed, then when I opened my eyes I was staring at the sky," Peter says, following Derek's finger first, then letting him examine his pupils.

"Everything looks good. No apparent brain swelling or brain bleed. Can you remember three words for me? Plane, dog, house."

"Plane, dog, house," Peter echoes.

"Have you called your parents?"

Peter chuckles darkly. "Penny is my legal guardian. Mine and my sister Priya's. My parents died last year."

Derek sighs, a sad smile settling on his face. "Do you know if Penny was involved in the accident?"

Peter shakes his head. "I think she was buying popcorn at the stands or something else for Priya. She always wants something to eat while I play and…"

"Okay," Derek nods, starting a general check up on the teenager. "Have you experienced any headaches, dizziness or shortness of breath in the past month?"

"Maybe. Sometimes I feel really breathless after training hard, but I'm allergic to pollen."

Derek makes a note in the allergies box. "Any nausea at the moment?"

"Maybe a little. And my head hurts really bad."

"Double vision?"

"No."

"What were the words that I asked you to remember?"

"Plane, house and...cat?"

"Okay," Derek smiles, adding all the information in Peter's brand new electronic chart, keeping his calm façade even though a few alarm bells are ringing in his head. Before he can ask anything else, the curtain is torn open.

"Petey!" a young woman flurries in, enveloping Peter into her arms tightly. "Oh my God, Peter, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Penny," Peter sighs, squeezing her back. "Have you seen Priya?"

Penny's face darkens, and Derek knows already that it's not good. "I don't know. I thought they brought her here, but I can't find her, and nobody knows anything!"

"Pen," Peter murmurs, his eyes filling with tears. "Penny,"

"We'll be okay. She'll be fine. Our Priya is a tough cookie, she'll pull through, wherever she is."

"But Mom and Dad…" Peter's eyes fill with tears.

"We'll be okay," Penny replies, probably trying to convince herself as well.

Derek sighs, letting the siblings catch up while he looks around the ER for someone from Cardio. He sees Meredith exiting the trauma room right in front of him, pushing out a young girl on a gurney, her hair the same color as Peter's. He's distracted by the form of Maggie entering his eyesight, so he calls out her name.

Maggie turns to him with a questioning smile, and he motions for her to come closer.

"Hi," she grins genuinely. "What do you need?"

"I have a kid who is complaining of shortness of breath who apparently collapsed in the middle of the field after the bleachers collapsed. I was going to order a head CT because he hit his head, but I was thinking or doing the chest too. Do you have a moment for a consult or should I just bring you the scans?"

"I think I have a moment, yes. Are you taking him up now?"

"If there's an open slot, hopefully."

"I'm just going to finish up a consult in Curtain 4 then I'll meet you back in the CT room, okay?"

Derek nods, before he reopens his curtain to inform Penny and Peter of the new development in his case and ask for consent. It breaks his heart to separate the two siblings when they reach the personnel only section of the hospital, leaving Penny to fend for herself behind the flapping doors.

"Is there anyone else we should call, apart from Penny?" Derek asks over the hum of the elevator while they're moving up to CT.

"No, it's just us. Penny, Priya and me," Peter replies quietly, sighing loudly. Derek's heart squeezes, thinking of them not having anyone around besides each other. "Can you give me an update on Priya when you find her?"

"Of course. I'm sure she's in the best hands." Derek smiles, recognizing in the boy a part of himself he has long buried. He used to be that big brother to Amelia, even when she only scraped her knee. And he was just about Peter's age when she stopped finding him cool and just annoying, but he wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. Well, except bringing his father back.

They reach the CT room in silence then, Peter clearly in pain from the way he's squeezing his eyes shut in order not to look at the neon lights on the ceiling.

"Alright, Peter, I'll be right behind that glass, try to stay as still as you can. If something doesn't feel right, just press this button and we'll take you out, okay?" he explains, putting the small remote into the boy's hand, squeezing it gently as Peter smiles back weakly.

Derek moves in the viewing room, plopping into one of the office chairs next to the tech. Maggie hops inside with her usual joyful enthusiasm, though he can see a lingering tiredness already lurking in the back of her eyes.

"It's crazy out there," she sighs deeply, relishing the comfort of the chair padding as soon as she sits down. "I think I've consulted on a dozen kids already."

"I know," Derek sighs. "This boy has two sisters. One is freaking out in the waiting room, the other I'm pretty sure is with Meredith and Alex."

"She didn't look good," Maggie sighs, "I popped in for a second for an echo and they were talking about extensive internal injuries."

"Damn, they can't seem to catch a break," Derek mumbles, then clarifies, after Maggie gives him a slightly puzzled look, "Their parents are dead. The oldest sister is taking care of them."

"Damn, indeed," Maggie agrees.

They stare at the dark monitor in silence for a moment, letting the loading circle spin and spin, just like their thoughts.

"Speaking of sisters, do you know the sex yet?" Maggie perks up right away, her face lighting up. Derek enjoys her enthusiasm when it comes to aunt duties. It makes leaving the kids with her last minute a lot less inconvenient.

Derek shakes his head. "Any day now."

Maggie's smile widens. "Did you find out with Bailey, too?"

"Well, he was showing off that day, we wouldn't have been able to keep it hidden," Derek chuckles at the memory of Bailey's eleventh finger, imagining what it will be like this time. He has no idea if he should be on team girl with Zola, team neutral with Meredith, or create his own boy team, for male solidarity, he just hopes that the baby is still healthy and thriving, even though this pregnancy is revealing itself a lot more difficult than Bailey's. The sane part of him that doesn't want to break Zola's heart though is firmly pulling for girl, especially if said baby girl is going to be a carbon copy of Meredith much like Bailey is.

"Are you guys excited? I bet it's going to be easier to finish the nursery if you know the sex."

Derek's eyes widen a little. Nursery. Did they even think about which room has to become the nursery? Between all the issues Meredith has had so far with the baby, keeping her and the baby healthy definitely took priority over the nursery. Still, Baby needs a nursery. "Oh, um…"

"You could still paint it neutral, even if you know the sex. I'm not very fond of girly-girl or boyish-boy myself so I would definitely pick a neutral color. Yellow is bright and shiny, like the sun that is apparently non-existent in Seattle, then - "

Maggie rambles on as Derek's eyes keep widening more and more. In a split second he realizes that they're almost halfway into Meredith's pregnancy and they still haven't done a single task to prepare for the baby's arrival. They haven't even bought her or him a onesie. He feels terrible.

The words "baby shower" though snap him out of his internal freak out, while triggering a new one.

"Sorry, what?" he asks, gulping at the sight of the excitement on Maggie's face.

"It's part of my sisterly duties to organize the baby shower, right? Amelia and I could do it together, if your sister agrees."

Derek pales. Meredith would hate a baby shower. She hated the one for Bailey, complaining every second she hadn't spent eating that her feet were hurting or that her back was killing her, and he honestly can't muddle through another day like that. Meredith is driving him crazy enough even without surprise baby showers.

"You know, I need to check in with Meredith, but we have plenty of stuff stored away from when Zola and Bailey were little. We will manage. If we do need something and Meredith agrees to a baby shower, I know who to ask, though," he forces out a smile, and he's grateful when the scans start to come up.

His relief slowly disappears when he sees the brain bleed in Peter's scan. The spot is not overly large, but he does know that it's not a bleeder that will resolve itself, so he has to operate. He lets out a heavy sigh, saving the image as the machine moves down to scan the boy's chest.

"When you give me the all clear for his heart I will book an OR for the craniotomy," he tells Maggie, who has gone quiet next to him, concern for their patient filling her features as well.

"Book the OR, I'll just find a way to be there with you and monitor him," she replies, shaking her head.

Derek fumbles with the phone, quietly calling to reserve the OR, then the chest scans appear on the second screen in the room.

"I was almost expecting that after hearing the murmur," Maggie sighs heavily as well, studying the image as attentively as he has done a few moments before. "Look at his aortic valve."

"Stenosis?" Derek murmurs, almost afraid to confirm the diagnosis. Brain surgery and a heart defect hardly ever go well together.

"Yes, probably genetic. He needs a Ross valve replacement."

Derek shakes his head. A craniotomy and a valve replacement, especially one with the Ross procedure, are expensive. This family has already lost everything, they don't deserve this.

"Are you on board for a pro-bono surgery, in case they don't have insurance?"

Maggie lets out a small smile. "You don't even need to ask. Though, what about the board?"

"I _am_ the board," Derek smirks, before he stands up. "I'm going to go find his sister," he says, but before he can walk out the alarm rings from the other side of the glass. Maggie and Derek rush in immediately, seeing the boy seizing on the gurney, a technician pulling him out of the tube.

Peter needs to be rushed in the OR, finding his sisters can wait if they want the boy to have a chance.

"I'll go check the OR board to see if we can bump someone. Keep an eye on him," Derek orders when Peter's body is lying limply on the gurney, looking boneless, his eyes unfocused and glassy.

"See you in the OR," Maggie replies, nodding sadly.

* * *

In the ER, Meredith and Alex are engrossed with a fourteen-year-old girl, the umpteenth victim of the bleachers. She's barely conscious and hopped up on all kinds of painkillers, but she managed to tell them that her name is Priya Novak before they began treating her. Her hair is caked with dirt and blood, making it even darker, her almost-black eyes unfocused.

She was right in the middle of the bleachers and the firefighters had to work for more than fifteen minutes before freeing her from all the metal surrounding her.

Callie has casted the broken bones in a flash, but her internal injuries are extensive. Alex and Meredith have tried to patch her up the best they could in the trauma room , but her spleen looks shattered and even going for a scan seems to be detrimental at this point. As soon as she had rolled in, Meredith had already booked an OR.

They are about to move up to the surgical floor when Amelia waltzes in, her face showing the utter concentration that only the rush of a full ER can bring around.

"I need to clear her for spinal injuries first," she states, quickly running through all the neurological checks and palpating her spine.

"We don't have time for scans," Meredith announces, anticipating one of the possible questions Amelia would ask.

"Everything looks clear, but get her an MRI in post op, okay?"

Alex nods at Amelia's statement, but before they can move out of the trauma room for the second time, Priya's eyes open widely, a dull fear and confusion appearing there.

"Hurts," she moans.

"Priya, it's Dr. Grey," Meredith moves closer to her head, showing up in her line of sight. "We're about to take you up into surgery, because you're badly hurt. Do you remember what happened?"

Priya frowns. "Soccer," she groans. "Peter's game."

"Good," Meredith smiles encouragingly, though it sobers up quickly. "The bleachers collapsed and you were on them." Priya nods. "We're taking you up into surgery now."

"Find...sister."

"Okay, we'll find her," Meredith replies, giving a nod to Alex, signaling that they are good to go. She asks one of the nurses to track down Priya's sister, then they're on the move.

As they roll out to the trauma room towards the elevator she catches a glimpse of Derek, running around like she is.

Her tiredness from the night she spent at the hospital has disappeared, her sexual frustration after the interruption in the on-call room has vanished, her brain is fully focused on Priya.

She lets her mind drift to her kids for a split second, Zola especially, dreading the call that she will have to make to Priya's mother, and imagining herself in her shoes. It terrifies her the knowledge that one day she might get a call from the hospital that one of her children has been hurt and she needs to rush in immediately.

Meredith puts her hand on her stomach for the length of the elevator ride, almost coaxing her baby to move again and reassure her. She's not worried that Baby is not fine anymore, but it would be nice to know that she or he is still there, since she can't easily go up to the daycare and hug Zola and Bailey to keep her mind from drifting to dark places.

"You okay?" Alex frowns, studying her.

"Just trying to feel the baby; you know, bad case and all," Meredith shrugs, and she wins a smirk from him.

"You know, I can't imagine being a parent and a surgeon at the same time," Alex admits, though they don't have time to elaborate on more before the doors open and they are on the surgical floor, heading straight to the OR.

Meredith allows herself one more second to wait for the flutters of her baby as they drape Priya's petite body, covering up her long, dark hair, her eyes now shut to the world. She pulls herself together in the minutes she scrubs in side by side with Alex, both of them staring at the young girl on their table.

She always enjoys working with Alex, even though she has to work on children. They are a well-oiled machine in the OR, and they work smoothly as a team, even through long and complicated surgeries like Priya's.

"It helps," Meredith blurts, "Sometimes going home and finding Zola and Bailey there helps," she admits, reconnecting awkwardly to their scrub room conversation while she keeps her hands busy by tying up a vessel.

"Well, your kids are cuddlers, of course it helps," Alex chuckles, working on his side of the table in a different section of the abdomen.

"That's not it. You'll find that out someday, I'm sure." Alex snorts at her wishful tone and Meredith frowns. "Seriously, Alex. You and Jo seem pretty solid, I can see you two heading in that direction."

"What, kids?" he asks, avoiding her eyes.

"Yes." Alex looks doubtful, though. "Why not?"

Alex shrugs it, though Meredith keeps staring at him every chance she gets, wanting him to feel uncomfortable so that he'll spill the beans.

"Jo doesn't want any, I'm sure. If she does, they're better off without me. I'll screw up the kids too much."

"Every day I wake up and I feel like I'm going to screw up everything when it comes to my children, that never really goes away. Look at me now!" she exclaims, and she sees Alex actually do a once-over in between stitches, which makes her laugh loudly.

"You look better," he admits, a smile making his face mask crinkle.

"I'm feeling better, and Derek is catering to my every need," she chuckles. "I'm so lucky to have him around." Alex rolls his eyes, and she's sure he would have been even more explicit if he wasn't in the middle of a surgery on a teenager. "Alex, I'm serious. Derek is so great with our kids, I'm really lucky to have him back."

"I know," Alex nods, grinning again. "I would have already chased him out if he wasn't worthy of you," he adds. Meredith laughs, which lifts up even more the somber mood of the OR, though they plunge back into quiet and focus when they switch procedures, entering a more complicated phase of the surgery.

They end up having to remove Priya's spleen and patch up her liver and some of her intestines, since her whole abdomen was practically pulp, but Priya pulls through. The recovery process is going to be long, but Priya will be just fine.

Meredith sighs in relief as she scrubs out with Alex, his smile confident and happy, though it falters for a moment when he meets her eyes.

"I have to check on a patient, Mer -" he begins, but she interrupts him.

"I'll take care of informing the family," she finishes his thoughts, and a smile blooms again on Alex's face. "I love when it is somewhat good news."

"It's always fun sharing an OR with you," he uses as his parting sentences, smirking his way away from the sink and towards the door.

"You're a tool!" Meredith calls out to his retreating form, and Alex bursts into laughter before he leaves her in the scrub room, drying her hands.

Still no movement from Baby, but she has a job to finish. Feeling for flutters can wait until later.

* * *

The waiting room is chaos, like it always is after mass casualties. Meredith Grey is the center of attention when she enters the room. She feels at least twenty-five sets of eyes staring at her. Meredith knows they're all wondering if she has information about their loved ones. But there's only one person she's looking for.

She doesn't have to look far for her, either. The young woman she's looking for is a near clone of her patient, sans the cuts and abrasions. Her long dark hair is pulled into a messy ponytail, and her emerald eyes are blotched with redness.

"Penelope Novak," Meredith calls the woman's name, reading Priya's chart. The nurses have updated the teenager's chart, and Penelope is listed as Priya's legal guardian. A nurse said that she was in the waiting room.

"It's Penny," the woman stands up when Meredith speaks. "Do you have information about Priya and Peter?" She looks scared and vulnerable. Meredith can tell she's young, much too young to be the guardian of a teenager.

"Priya and Peter are your sister and brother?" Meredith asks.

"Yes," the young woman nods, her shoulders stiffening as her tear-stained cheeks flush crimson red. "Please tell me they're all right." Her voice lowers, "They're all I have."

"I'm sorry I don't have information on Peter, but I can find out. I'm one of the surgeons who operated on your sister," Meredith says, proceeding to explain Priya's condition. "We removed her spleen, - "

"You did what?! You took out her body parts without asking me first? How _dare_ you?" Penny seethes. Tears pour out of her eyes.

"I'm sorry, there wasn't time. Your sister was in critical condition when she came in, and we needed to act quick," Meredith explains. "We were able to patch up her liver…"

"Her liver needed patched up? Oh, God!" Penny gasps huskily. Meredith senses the young woman participated in theatre or drama class when she was in high school. If she didn't, she should have.

"Yes, we patched up her liver and intestines…"

"Intestines?!" Horror paints across Penny's face.

"And she's being transferred to the ICU right now," Meredith concludes.

"I need to see her," Penny takes one step forward, before Meredith reaches out and places one hand on the woman's shoulder.

"She's in critical condition right now and has a long road ahead, but I'm confident she'll make a full recovery," Meredith explains, trying to offer some comfort the young woman.

"I don't understand. She's not awake?"

Meredith's breaths hitch. "She's currently unconscious, though we hope she will wake soon. I want you to be prepared…"

"Prepared? Isn't that what you tell me people before their loved ones die? I'm a nursing student, and I work at a nursing home. That's what we tell the family when someone doesn't have long to live!" she shrieks, horror-struck. "No, Priya can't die… she can't…"

 _Definitely a drama major too,_ Meredith thinks, breathing sharply. "Relax, Penny. I should have explained better," Meredith says, trying to keep her tone tender and gentle, like as if she were speaking to one of her own children. "By prepared, I don't mean Priya is going to die. I mean that she has numerous cuts and abrasions from being trapped under the bleachers, and she is connected to various tubes. Your sister may not look like your sister right now, and I don't want to alarm you."

"You're saying I _shouldn't_ visit my sister because she might scare me, is that what you're saying?" Penny snaps ferociously. "Well," she swallows. "I have news for you. There's nothing in this world that can scare me. I've seen it all. Last year, my parents died in a car crash. I was only eighteen, and I had to identify my dad's mangled body. He died at the scene of the accident, so I didn't get to say goodbye. You want to know my last words to him when he was alive? 'Fuck you.' The night before my dad and I had a huge argument, because I wanted to study abroad in Italy for the summer, and he wanted me to stay here so that I could be my sister and brother's personal chaperone. I guess the universe wanted to say 'Fuck you' back to me, huh? By the time I got to the hospital, my mother was already in surgery, just like Priya was when I got here. A doctor, just like you, came out to update me on her condition. She said they were doing everything they could, and she would update when she knew more. Well, do you know what the next update was?"

Meredith's body numbs, and chills crawl up her skin. Her hand lingers near her stomach, she's thinking now would be a great time for Baby to move, but nothing. Nothing at all.

She knows what update Penny received. She's given that update far too many times herself, and it never gets easier.

"Penny, I'm sorry about your parents," Meredith says.

Penny rolls her eyes. "I bet you are," she says, and she squeaks, " _I'm sorry, we've done everything we can do._ Yep, believe me, I know."

"Penny, your sister isn't your mother," Meredith says definitively, and she doesn't know who she's kidding. Penny has every right to be upset. Meredith can't imagine being in her position. She was never close to her parents, and she was raised as an only child. Meredith tries to imagine what life would have been like if she'd been raised with Thatcher and Susan with Lexie and Molly. She would have been their big sister, she would have been responsible for them if something had happened to Thatcher or Susan. The thought terrifies her. "I can't imagine what you've been through," Meredith admits to Penny.

"You're right, you can't. You probably have the perfect everything, don't you? Perfect parents, perfect husband, perfect kids…"

A silence falls between them, and Meredith says nothing. Meredith stares at the young woman, reflecting carefully on Penny's comment.

Growing up, she considered her life anything but perfect. Her mother was never around, and her father abandoned her. She practically raised herself. Penny doesn't need to know that, because she's right about two things. She _does_ have the perfect husband and perfect kids, and she certainly can't deny that. Meredith knows what it's like to grow up without parents, but her mother was still around to pay the bills and give her cash to go grocery shopping. She'd even helped Meredith get her first job: the dinosaur mascot who went around and entertained the children in the peds wing. It was the only job available at the hospital at the time for a fourteen-year-old.

Had she had a medical emergency, Meredith is certain Ellis would have paid for her medical bills too.

Ellis did more for her than she ever acknowledged. Having Ellis as a mother was certainly better than having no mother at all, contrary to what Meredith believed growing up.

"I just want to see my sister. They took my brother for a CT scan, and he's not back yet. Are they supposed to take this long? It's been hours." Penny looks worried.

Meredith frowns. No, it's not supposed to take that long to get a CT scan. "I'll see what I can find out," Meredith says. "I'll take you to see your sister."

She guides Penny to the ICU, where Priya has been set up. She's still asleep. Meredith explains to Penny that she might be for a while. Penny nods and asks for a moment alone with Priya, which Meredith allows her.

Meredith finds herself in the ICU alone at the nurses' station. Her hand falls over her bump, and she soon finds herself talking to the baby: "You know, you can kick me now, if you want, anything. Your brother drove me _nuts_ with his kicking, but you're a quiet one, aren't you? Maybe you're going to be a writer. You're not going to be a soccer player like your brother, are you?"

This pregnancy has been so different from Bailey's. It's opposite in every which way. Maybe there's a reason for that.

She begins to imagine a little girl with bright blue eyes and dark curly hair. She's a female version of Derek, since Bailey is the female version of her. It makes sense that her and Derek's female spawn would be a copy of her father. She'll have perfect hair and the perfect smile. She'll just be perfect.

Then a flash of her on the bleachers enters Meredith's brain. Bailey is on the soccer field and she's cheering for him. Zola's walking toward them, she has a bag of popcorn in her hands.

And then bleachers start to shake.

Meredith blinks, and when she looks up, she sees her husband looking back with a McDreamy smile on his face.

"Hey, you," he says, greeting her with a kiss on the forehead. "You look like you were spaced out there."

Meredith sighs. "I was just thinking."

"Well, don't hurt yourself," Derek smirks, pushing a strand of her fallen ponytail hair behind her ear.

Meredith rolls her eyes, then studies her husband. He's wearing his ferryboat scrub cap, and his white coat is absent. He smells like sanitizer, and his arms are flushed with light red scrub streaks. She assumes he's just left the OR.

"You okay?" he asks, resting his right palm on her shoulder. "Do we need to take your blood pressure?"

Meredith takes a deep breath, knowing Derek would be livid if he knew about her appointment with Dr. Ryan this morning and the fact she's not even supposed to be here.

She shakes her head and sighs, "It's just, these cases always get to me, you know. The ones with kids."

"Mmm," Derek mumbles, nodding. His eyes frown. It always baffles her how his eyes speak louder than his words. His breaths hitch. "The cases with kids have gotten harder for me, too, since becoming a parent," he confesses. "I never really believed my sisters when they said 'You'll understand when you're a parent', but they were right. Being a parent isn't the same as being an uncle."

Meredith can't help but giggle at that. "Maybe we should visit your sisters sometime. I wouldn't mind seeing Uncle Derek," she blurts.

He looks taken aback by that. "Really? I thought you hated my sisters, except for Amelia, but that's only because she's forced herself into our lives."

Meredith laughs. "Correction: they hate me, and Amelia is the only one who didn't judge me right off the back," she retorts. "And I like Kathleen, remember? We put her in the will as the person who would take care of the kids if anything happens to us."

* * *

Derek watches as Meredith's teasing fades and her smile falls. His own heart clenches. She turns away from him, running her fingers through her own hair. Her breaths hitch.

"I thought saw you and Alex working on my patient's sister," he approaches the subject carefully. "Priya? How's she doing?"

She lifts her head up and seems to be looking beyond him. He follows her eyes, and he sees Penny through the glass room behind them. She looks straight back at them, and Derek's hand falls off Meredith's shoulder.

"She's going to be okay. She has a long road ahead, but she should be fine," he hears Meredith croak. She perks up then. "How's their brother? I told Penny I'd find out for her. I didn't realize he was your patient."

Derek's heart sinks; he's unable to take his eyes off Penny as she walks out of her sister's room toward them. He can tell from the look on her face that she's desperate for answers, and he needs to give them to her.

"You're one of the doctors who took my brother away," Penny says, looking anxious. "Where is he? Is he okay?" the young woman asks huskily.

"When we took your brother up to CT, we discovered a small brain bleed, which was caused from hitting his head," Derek explains.

"Brain bleed?!" Penny gasps.

"I was able to resect the bleed," Derek explains.

"My brother had brain surgery, and you didn't ask for my consent?" Penny barks, her eyes darken with anger.

"I wish we could have updated you sooner, but your brother was seizing, and he would have died had we not operated immediately," Derek says matter-of-factly.

"He's fine, then?" Penny asks.

Derek swallows thickly. "Our cardiothoracic surgeon will explain Peter's condition in more detail for you," he says.

"There's something wrong with his heart?" Penny asks, her eyes filling with tears. "Oh, God, this can't be happening...I can't...we can't…" Her breaths are uneven as tears stream jaggedly down her cheeks. "Every penny of our social security funds goes toward living expenses and my nursing school; our parents weren't rich to begin with, so we don't have good insurance to cover us. The little insurance we have doesn't cover emergency surgeries. We can't afford the treatment Priya and Peter are receiving now. There's no way we can afford another surgery."

Derek feels like his heart is crumbling; his heart going out to Penny, Peter, and Priya. He can't imagine living in her shoes. His mother struggled with depression after their father died, but she was always there for his sisters and him. They were never alone. Penny, Priya, and Peter are completely alone, and that's a feeling he doesn't ever want to experience.

He makes eye contact with his wife, who looks equally saddened. She turns to Penny. "Penny, there are options, especially today. Have you ever heard of GoFundMe?" she asks.

Penny shakes her head. "No?"

"It's a site where you can start your own online charity, and people can make donations. We could help you get it started and even promote it for you," Meredith offers, and Derek smiles brightly. He's so proud to call Meredith his wife. She's brilliant, and she has a big heart of gold; it's what he loves about her. She's always thinking about others before herself; sure, it makes things complicated at times, but he wouldn't change her for the world.

"You'd do that?" Penny looks hesitant, and Derek is relieved when he sees Maggie Pierce walking toward them. Her usual friendly smile is spread wide across her face.

"Penny, this is Dr. Pierce. She's our Head of Cardio, and the cardiac surgeon on your brother's team. She'll explain his condition for you in more detail," Derek introduces Maggie before reaching for Meredith's hand. He surveys her small figure, detecting that his wife looks like she's about to burst into tears.

He abruptly pulls Meredith into a nearby supply closet and wraps his arms around her, allowing her head to fall into his chest. He flattens his right hand in the center of her back, trying to sooth her with gentle thumb massages. It's not long before he feels dampness seeping through his scrub top.

She looks up at him, her eyes blotchy and red. "Promise me," she says raspily, "Promise me that our children will never be alone." Both of her hands fall to her swollen belly, and he covers her knuckles with his left hand. He remembers having this conversation with her back when they were expecting Bailey, when she'd agreed to list Kathleen as the person who'd take care of the kids should something ever happen to the both of them.

"Meredith, you know that our kids will never be alone. We're fortunate to have so many people who would take great care of our kids should anything ever happen to us. We're very lucky."

She nods, inhaling a sharp breath of air. "We are...very lucky. We are."

They stand in silence then, their hands intertwined on top of her stomach. Derek feels her body rising and falling with each breath she takes, and he just wants to savor this moment of closeness with Meredith and their unborn child.

"Do you want to know?" she asks suddenly, her eyes lighting up.

His heart flutters when he realizes what she means.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: Are y'all ready to find out the baby's gender? I promise you'll find out next chapter for real; we've teased you long enough.**


	8. Chapter 7

**Irene's A/N: So, we're finally revealing the baby's gender! The moment you've all been waiting for is here! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

* * *

Meredith fidgets nervously as she sits next to Derek outside of Dr. Ryan's office. She knows her OB will not be happy if she gets wind of the fact that she has completely ignored her orders and operated anyway.

"Are you nervous?" Derek asks quietly, mistaking her fear for apprehension. He takes her hand, rubbing circles with his thumb on her flesh, and she feels immediately calmer.

"I feel like we're having a girl," she blurts, cursing her unrestrained tongue.

Derek smiles broadly, and she knows he is already imagining a whole future as he sighs. Before either of them can say more, or Meredith can worry about what Derek's reaction is going to be if his expectations aren't met, one of the ultrasound tech strolls down the hall and walks inside the empty office to deposit a bunch of files on Dr. Ryan's desk.

"Dr. Ryan is still in surgery, I'm holding down the fort," he informs them, a courtesy smile on his lips. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No," Derek says honestly. "Dr. Ryan told us we could come whenever we had a moment to find out the baby's gender," he adds, showing off one of his charming smiles that miraculously work on men too, sometimes. This is one of those times.

"So you only need an ultrasound?"

"Yes," Meredith confirms. "Just a peek, then we'll be on our way home."

The tech's smile broadens. "I happen to have fifteen minutes free," he says, before he points them to a room down the hall.

Meredith and Derek follow him quickly, Derek's hand firmly on the small of her back as they reach a cozy exam room, his smile brighter and brighter as Meredith lies onto the exam bed and exposes her stomach. She allows her hand to linger on her bump for a moment, before she sighs loudly, turning her gaze to the dark screen.

All the routine questions and checks are done quickly, and Meredith is glad her blood pressure appears to be a little less alarming than how it was at her morning's read. Still high, and it still makes Derek frown, but better. Derek's darkening mood confirms that not telling him about her morning freak out was the right thing to do.

"Let's see if the baby is cooperating with us today," the tech says, smiling as he picks up the ultrasound wand.

Before he can start the exam though, there's a knock on the door, then it opens slowly.

Meredith's breath hitches. _So much for avoiding her doctor_.

"Hector, I'm back," Dr. Ryan says with a smile, addressing the tech, though her eyes narrow when she spots the other two occupants of the room. "Meredith, Derek!"

"Connie, hi," Derek beams. "I hope you don't mind that we haven't waited for you. We're excited."

Dr. Ryan doesn't match his smile at all. "Honestly, I'm amazed I wasn't paged earlier," she scolds, giving Meredith a death glare. Meredith swallows thickly, avoiding her gaze, feeling herself blush.

The edge in her tone completely goes over Derek's head. "We were trying to wait."

Dr. Ryan closes the door and eyes the tech warily, silently telling him to get out, before her gaze moves to Meredith. The tech leaves right away. "Just like a craving, uh? I'm sure you didn't mind getting here from home for this."

"Home?" Derek looks puzzled, and Meredith knows she's blushing furiously. Her voice is stuck in her throat. She feels like a child, being scolded for having broken a vase.

"Yes. I'm sure Meredith drove you crazy being away from the hospital all day," Dr. Ryan smirks, and Meredith pales. Her cards are all on the table.

"Connie, -" Meredith whispers, but it's no use.

"There are no excuses, Meredith. I told you to go home, put your feet up and relax. Is a four-hour surgery relaxing?" she barks, and Meredith bows her head in shame. "How come I saw your name on the board barely an hour after I told you to go home?"

"Meredith, what is she talking about?" Derek asks, his tone worried and confused, Connie still glaring at her when Meredith manages to meet Derek's gaze.

"What were you thinking?" Connie fuels, and Meredith feels tears building in the corner of her eyes. She knows tears aren't going to help her case at all, though.

"I'd go crazy at home alone," she whispers, almost feeling like she's digging even a bigger hole for herself.

"I'll put you on strict bed rest next and do house calls, then you can tell me how crazy you'll go!" Connie spats. "I wasn't kidding this morning, and I'm not kidding now," she says, then her tone softens. "You're a doctor, Meredith, you know how dangerous such a high blood pressure can be."

"I tried to lower it. I found Derek and...but I just…" Meredith sniffles.

"Meredith, what is going on here?" Derek asks, slightly panicked. "What happened this morning?"

Meredith takes a deep breath, wiping her tears, though she knows it's useless. "I had an awful dream and I thought the baby was dead," she confesses. "Then I realized that I haven't felt her move since I first felt the flutters and I freaked. I went straight to Connie's office to make sure it wasn't my reality too."

"Meredith, you should have called me, -"

"You were coming from home, and you were busy with the kids."

"That's not an excuse," he almost snaps, though she sees that he's keeping himself in check since Dr. Ryan is here. "What happened, then?"

"I told her to go home after I had a reading of her BP and confirmed the heartbeat," Dr. Ryan butts in. "The baby was doing great, but she looked dead on her feet, so I told her to take the day off."

"I came to find you to take the edge off," Meredith whispers, and she sees realization dawn on him.

"You should have told me as soon as our pagers beeped!" Derek exclaims.

"I would have gone home if it wasn't such a massive trauma, Derek!" Meredith spats, her tears stopping for a second as she straightens on the exam bed.

"Meredith, you're lucky nothing has happened to you or the baby, yet," Dr. Ryan adds gravely.

Meredith cradles her stomach, tears streaming down her face, as Dr. Ryan sits down on the stool that the tech had vacated. Derek is standing stiffly in shock by her hip, his gaze fully focused on the screen.

"I'm sorry," Meredith whispers, rubbing her stretched skin, and she's not really sure to whom she's apologizing to either. She knows that the baby needs the biggest apology. What seemed like a good idea at the time, now feels like a disaster of epic proportions. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't need you to be sorry, Meredith, I need to trust you to follow what I tell you," Dr. Ryan adds softly, her tone having lost most of the anger of before. "I don't want to make Derek your health police, but I'll do it if I have to."

"I'll be happy to do it, if it keeps them safe," Derek nods, his dark eyes still staring at the screen, now coming to life.

A heartbeat fills the room a moment after. Meredith sheds a few more tears, since it's still strong, in spite of her carelessness. She closes her eyes, committing the sound to memory, feeling her own heart slow down.

"Looks like your baby is more cooperative than you are," Dr. Ryan adds, a hint of something lighter in her voice that pushes Meredith to open her eyes and look at the screen.

"Oh!" Derek gasps, and Meredith feels her breath hitch as well when she glances between the legs of her baby.

She was so wrong.

"Congratulations," Dr. Ryan says with a smile, keeping the wand in place.

Meredith feels Derek grab her hand and squeeze it tightly, all the anger quickly pushed aside at the sight on the screen.

"Eleven fingers again," Derek hums, his eyes misty when she meets his gaze.

Meredith wipes the moisture from her cheek with her free hand, locking eyes with him. "This pregnancy is so different from Bailey's, I was sure we were having a girl."

"It's a boy," Derek shakes his head, almost in disbelief, his smile making the room feel warmer. "We beat the family curse twice; we're overachievers!"

Meredith finally smiles at his joke, pulled away from the image of her second son on the screen only when Derek's lips find hers.

He seems to be oblivious to Dr. Ryan's presence, because he leans his forehead against hers, their hands still intertwined, when he says: "Meredith, what were you thinking?"

Meredith gulps back more tears at the sight of his sparkling blue eyes. "I don't know. I felt fine and I knew that I would have worried at home, all alone, in our empty bed."

"You could have waited for me to be done in an on-call room. You have to rest."

"I can't sleep well anywhere without you."

"You should have tried. For our son," he says, his lips stretching into a smile, before his scolding face reappears. "I don't have room to worry even more than I do now, Mere."

Meredith sighs, stamping a kiss on his lips before she pulls away, turning to look at her doctor. "Is everything okay, still?"

"Yes, Meredith," Dr. Ryan replies. "But next time I'll have the Chief ban you from the OR if I ever get wind of a similar stunt. You're lucky I had to perform an emergency C-section or I would have kicked you out of the OR myself."

Derek nods in agreement, and Meredith bows her head in shame again.

"Can we see more of him? Get some pictures e-mailed?" Derek asks, changing the subject. Meredith knows the discussion is far from over from his part, though.

"I have already sent out a short video and four stills from the ultrasound," Dr. Ryan says, moving the wand a little as the baby shifts. "Did you feel that?"

"I'm not sure. No," Meredith shakes her head, disappointed.

"It will come," her OB reassures. "Now, I want you to go home right away, take tomorrow off and max one short surgery in the afternoon for the day after, since I know you won't stay at home for two days in a row. Keep off your feet as much as you can; stay hydrated; sleep and relax."

"I'll make sure she does all that," Derek nods solemnly, his eyes boring into hers like a menace. She knows she's in for their first fight in what feels like forever, and she hates that it was her carelessness that caused it.

The image of her son on the screen disappears, and Meredith feels bereft. There's no more mediation between them, since she knows Connie is going to leave soon. Derek will definitely yell, pregnant with his son or not.

"Don't ever scare me like this again, Meredith," Derek says, a warning in his whisper as soon as Dr. Ryan leaves the room.

She doesn't reply anything, she just takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for a second, picturing her son on the screen and all his tiny features, his heartbeat still ringing strong in her ears.

Derek doesn't start yelling though. He keeps sighing and looking at her, though Meredith is sure it's not her is seeing, but the bell-pepper-sized son in her belly, grainy and wiggly in the ultrasound image that is still ingrained in her head as well.

There are no more words as she puts back her scrub pants and they leave the exam room, headed for the locker room to retrieve their belongings and head home.

* * *

They change out of their scrubs into their street clothes in deafening silence. Meredith can't even strike up the nerve to look at Derek, with the guilt that overwhelms her. She knows nothing bad happened, and Derek will forgive her. But what if something bad _had_ happened? Would Derek forgive her then? If something were to happen to their unborn baby and it was because of her carelessness, she's certain Derek would never forgive her.

They're walking toward the front door, separated by an arm's length, when they run into Maggie and Owen. Meredith immediately gathers that something's not right. Both of their faces are stiff. They appear to be arguing.

"You don't understand," Maggie snipes; Meredith can't recall a time in which she's witnessed her half-sister speak with this much odious passion. Meredith wonders if she's rubbing off on her younger sister. "They're just kids, and they've already lost everything. They don't deserve what's happening to them, nor can they afford this surgery. Please, allow me to do the surgery pro-bono."

"I think I understand loud and clear, Dr. Pierce, and I'm sorry," Owen replies dismally. "We've already exercised our pro-bono budget for the quarter. We can't afford to keep giving away free surgeries. It's humbling to have a staff that's so passionate about their patients, but, as a hospital, we _can't_ afford it."

Maggie glances up, a sudden relief coming upon her face at once. "Oh, Derek, Meredith, thank God! You're the board."

"Are you discussing Peter Novak's case?" Derek asks. Meredith perks up, remembering Priya, Peter, and Penny Novak's terrible situation. She'd originally planned to text Alex to check up on Priya, but her guilt had distracted her. Meredith makes a mental note to do that later. Her doctor may have ordered her to take a day off from work, but no one can stop her from checking on her patients' well-being.

Maggie nods grimly. " _You_ said you're the board, Derek, and there weren't going to be any issues. Owen overheard me and Alex talking about the surgery, and now he's having a cow, telling me I'm not permitted to do a pro-bono surgery because he says so. Crazy, right?"

"Crazy, indeed." Derek's nostrils flare as he glares at Owen, annoyance undoubtedly building on his face.

"We can't afford it, Derek. Maybe you're a little out of touch, after your DC bon voyage, but we've used up our pro-bono budget for this fiscal year, and even if we hadn't, decisions like these need to go through the Harper Avery Foundation, since we wouldn't have any funds without them. You don't run this hospital, Derek. You don't get to threaten nurses their jobs because you're a board member. Yes, I heard about that..."

Derek's cheeks redden. Meredith senses a heated debacle coming.

"So we have to go through the Harper Avery Foundation to get pro-bono surgeries approved, huh? So, that explains why Jackson Avery got to do a pro-bono skin graft last week? I resected the burn victim's brain bleed, and Dr. Avery told me he was going to do a pro-bono skin graft, since the patient was homeless and didn't have the means to afford the surgery. I didn't hear anyone asking questions then…"

"Derek, - "

"No, Owen. I think I understand completely," Derek says, not breaking eye contact with Owen.

Silence.

Then Owen jibes, "Your commitment to the board has been unimpressive, Derek. Whenever I request a meeting, you're too busy. You can't have your cake and eat it too."

"And what the hell does that mean?" Derek barks.

"It means you can't not show up for meetings and think you're the most important person on the board, Shepherd! You're not the only board member, and if you're going to be part of this board, then you have to show up to meetings! It's part of being a board member. Ask your wife; _she_ comes to board meetings."

Owen glances at Meredith. Derek's jaw drops.

"I come to meetings!"

"Not all of them," Owen presses.

"I've only missed two meetings since I've been back in Seattle," Derek seethes. Meredith remembers that Bailey was cutting another tooth and had a fever. Daycare sent him home, so Derek had taken him to the house when Owen had unexpectedly called an emergency board meeting. Derek was unable to make it back in time for the meeting, since Meredith was still at the hospital and he couldn't find a babysitter on such short notice. The other time, Derek was in surgery and insisted he couldn't get out, therefore missing their scheduled monthly meeting.

"We've only had three since you've been back," Owen quips.

"Okay, okay, so what? What does my attendance at board meetings to have to do with whether or not Maggie can do a pro-bono surgery? You're going to punish these kids because I missed a couple meetings?"

"I'm afraid you're missing the point, Shepherd," Owen's tone is harsh, and Meredith is done. Her head whirls from the squabbling. She would gladly set the men straight herself, but she has a better idea.

She bolts.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: Uh, oh, where has Meredith gone now? You won't have to wait so long for the next chapter - check your inboxes on Sunday to find out.**


	9. Chapter 8

**Irene's A/N: So, where is Meredith, then? You're going to find out pretty soon if you keep reading!**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

* * *

" _I'm afraid you're missing the point, Shepherd."_

Derek is about to rip Owen Hunt's head off. His anger is bubbling, and he's not sure which bubbles are because of Owen and which are because of Meredith. He knows he's about at his breaking point.

Owen is a better target for his anger than Meredith right now, though. The last thing he wants is to upset Meredith more. She needs to remain calm. He can't yell at her, so he'll yell at Owen instead.

He clenches his fists.

"Why don't you explain, then," Derek replies tartly, ready to burst when he turns his head slightly to the right, where his wife had been standing, only to notice Meredith is gone. "Meredith?" he calls out. "Damn it, where'd she go?"

"Um, I think she went that way," Maggie points toward the elevator.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" Derek bellows, his suspicions immediately leaning toward Meredith taking advantage of his absence of attention on her to find an excuse to go back to work, even though their OB had distinctly told her not to work. _No, she wouldn't,_ Derek thinks, knowing Dr. Ryan was entirely serious when she'd told Meredith that she would have the chief of surgery ban her from the OR if she pulls a stunt like that again. She won't risk it.

"I can help you look for her," Maggie offers, and Derek notices as Owen unobtrusively attempts to disappear.

"I'm not finished with you!" Derek yells after Owen.

"Whatever you say, Shepherd," Owen dismisses Derek and quickly vanishes into thin air.

"We just left OB," he blurts to Maggie. "She's under strict orders to be at home relaxing, because her blood pressure has been running high, and apparently our OB told her to go home this morning, before I got to the hospital, but she didn't listen."

"Relax, Derek. I'm sure she's fine. Meredith knows how to take care of herself," Maggie assures him, amid her usual bubbly optimism, which he himself is unable to feel in this particular moment.

"I know she knows how to take care of herself," Derek replies. "It's just, when Meredith wants to do something bad enough, she's not always thinking about _her_ best interest. She cares about her patients more than she does herself."

"But it's not just her best interests she has to have in mind," Maggie points out. "Meredith would never intentionally try to hurt her own child."

"I know that," Derek sighs as he and Maggie step into the elevator together, "but what I don't understand is _why_ she didn't listen to her OB this morning. Why would she risk it? Does she think she knows more than her OB?"

"I've never been pregnant, so I'm not sure I can answer that for you, but," Maggie pauses, "I can tell that a lot of times we doctors think we know our bodies better than our doctors. They do say doctors make the worst patients. Plus, we're conditioned to persevere and push through. I hit my head and was ordered to go up to CT to get it checked out before working. What do you think I did?"

Derek shakes his head getting, now perfectly understanding what Maggie is trying to get at. "You worked. It's like the time I had the flu, and Meredith told me I needed to relax, but I was insistent on giving this big speech I was scheduled to give. I ended up passing out moments before I was supposed to give the speech," he confides, "then _Meredith_ gave the speech for me. She recorded it and everything, so I could watch it later."

"Now, that's romantic," Maggie grins, her fingers hovering over the circular numerals on the side of the elevator. "You want to look on the even floors, and I'll look on the odd?"

"Works for me," he says, watching Maggie press the numbers two and three to begin with. He sighs., reflecting back to their conversation. "But I wasn't housing our son in my body, then, either."

"Son?" Maggie perks up.

 _Crap_. He and Meredith haven't discussed whether or not they want people to know the gender of the baby. He doubts she'll mind, since everyone knew Bailey was going to be a boy. Still, he doubts she wants the whole hospital to know before she has a chance to tell people herself. Plus, they haven't even had the chance to tell to Zola that she's getting another little brother instead of a little sister, and Meredith has already deemed him as the one who gets the honor of breaking their daughter's little heart.

"She was difficult with Bailey, too. The day before she gave birth, Hunt kicked her out of the OR, and she was all bent out of shape, even if it was for her and Bailey's best interest," he tries to save himself.

"Meredith's a hard cookie," Maggie shrugs. "We're surgeons, we have to be. You just have to trust that if she needs to slow down, she will."

Derek frowns. "I'm just worried it'll be too late by then."

"Well, just be happy you both work in a hospital," Maggie grins widely.

Derek grits his teeth. He's not the least bit amused by Maggie's joke - if it was supposed to be a joke. The door dings finally, so he departs from Maggie Pierce. He's prepared to search the entire second floor for Meredith.

* * *

Meredith finds the person she needs faster than she anticipates finding her. The woman is slouched over the couch in the third-floor lounge, engrossed in her iPad.

"Just the woman I was looking for," Meredith grins ear to ear, maneuvering closer to her sister-in-law. Amelia Shepherd looks up from her iPad, bug-eyed.

"Meredith, hi," Amelia smiles gingerly. "What do you need?"

"Just a teeny tiny favor," Meredith replies, grunting as she sits down beside Amelia on the couch, resting her palm over her swollen belly. She already feels huge at eighteen weeks. She doesn't recall feeling this huge with Bailey at eighteen weeks.

When she sits, her veins begin to throb, releasing mountains of tension from her body, and she begins to feel the extent of her exhaustion. She leans back, savoring the soft cushion, and she allows her body to relax for a few moments.

"Hmm?" Amelia visibly waits for Meredith to continue, her present facial expression vividly reminding Meredith of her husband when he's asked for a favor.

"So, you remember the girl you consulted on earlier?"

"I consulted on dozens of girls earlier," Amelia replies sharply.

"The one Alex and I were working on," Meredith clarifies.

"Kind of, why?" Amelia inquires.

"Her name is Priya," Meredith proceeds to explain the situation to Amelia. "She has a brother named Peter, and he has a congenital heart condition. Maggie can operate, but the family is already struggling to make ends meet. Their parents are dead, and their eldest sister is raising the two younger teenagers. She's just a kid herself."

Amelia grimaces. "That's such a sad story, Mer, and my heart goes out to them, it really does, but excuse me if I'm a little confused about what you need from me? The boy needs heart surgery, not brain surgery."

"I don't want you to _operate_ on the kid," Meredith says. Amelia stares blankly at her. Meredith heaves a sigh, her hand still glued to her son. "Maggie is willing to do the surgery pro-bono, and apparently Derek told her earlier it'd be no problem doing the surgery pro-bono since he's on the board, and you know Derek's ego…"

"Oh, do I," Amelia rolls her eyes. "And, let me guess, it's not as easy getting the pro-bono surgery approved as he thought it was, huh? Did someone fail to tell him that all pro-bono surgeries need to be approved by the Harper Avery Foundation now?"

"I guess so," Meredith mumbles, "but here's the deal, Owen won't even send the surgery into the foundation for approval. He's pulling some crap about there not being money in the budget, which I'm pretty sure isn't true. According to Derek, Jackson recently did a pretty big pro-bono surgery."

"Well, Jackson is an Avery," Amelia titters.

"I know, and Derek is pretty pissy about that. He made sure to make that known to Owen," Meredith stares Amelia down. Amelia's eyes widen, cluing in.

"You want me to talk to Owen," Amelia states, exhaling crisply.

"Please?" Meredith curls her lip, giving her sister-in-law a puppy dog look. "Bribe him with sex?"

Amelia scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Okay, just because sex is _your_ bribing tactic and it works on Derek, which I have no desire to know anything about, by the way, doesn't mean it'll work for me with Owen."

"Oh, it will, trust me. Cristina used to do it all the time," Meredith blurts, regretting saying it as soon as the words spill from her mouth. Amelia's cheeks redden, and she instantly gets quiet. Meredith sighs. "Sorry, I didn't mean to… that was a tad awkward," Meredith admits apologetically.

"Mmm," is all Amelia manages to say as she folds her hands together.

Fortunately, the door swings open, revealing Maggie Pierce to save the moment. "There you are, Meredith! Derek and I have been looking everywhere for you," Maggie beams when she spots Meredith sitting beside Amelia.

Meredith cringes in silence. "Well, can't say I'm surprised to hear he has an army out looking for me," she responds tartly, suspecting Derek probably thinks she's boneheaded enough to go back to work.

"Derek told me your OB told you to go home and relax," Maggie says, and Meredith clenches her fists together, wondering who else Derek went and blabbed that to. Owen? Richard? The last thing she needs is the whole hospital Mommy-tracking her. She notices Amelia's eyes widening.

"Why? Is everything okay with my niece or nephew?" Amelia buts in, her tone riddled with concern.

"Everything's fine," Meredith assures, "Connie's just concerned that I'm overworking myself, so she sent me home for a day. No biggie."

"Ah. Well, you have been working a lot lately," Amelia shrugs.

Maggie is quiet, though, and Meredith can't help but notice her inability to look her in the eye.

"What?" she spats.

"Nothing. It's just...Derek mentioned that you'd been told to go home earlier today, and you didn't listen to your OB's instructions," Maggie mumbles.

"Meredith!" Amelia gasps. "Why would you do that? After all you've been through…"

Meredith's cheeks warm, hating that Derek seems to be blabbing all of their personal business to the world. "It's not that big of a deal. I felt fine, and nothing happened. I'm fine."

Maggie and Amelia don't look convinced, though, and it only adds to Meredith's guilt. She wishes Derek could keep his mouth shut for once in his life. Meredith rubs her thumb in a continuous circle around her son. Everything is fine. He's okay.

"We got to see him, and his heartbeat is still strong. He's fine," Meredith declares out loud, unconscious to her use of gender.

"It's a boy?!" Amelia and Maggie's eyes both light up, completely ignoring everything else Meredith has just said.

"We just found out today," Meredith grins then shakes her head. "Zola is going to be so disappointed. I told Derek he gets to break the news to her if it's a boy."

Amelia laughs. "He's a good candidate for that job. My sisters told me that he was awfully disappointed when he found out I wasn't a boy, so I'm sure he'll know exactly how to break the news to Zola."

"Are you excited?" Maggie gleams. "Boys are so much fun. I've always hoped that if I have kids, I have boys. I think boys are easier, anyway. Less drama."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Amelia chuckles. "I think out of the five of us, Derek has had more relationship drama than all of us combined."

"Well, at least Bailey and the baby will only be two years apart. They'll be best buds for life," Maggie chirps, grinning widely.

"Or mortal enemies for life," Meredith grunts, causing Maggie's eyes to widen. "Anyway, Amelia…" Meredith redirects the conversation back to Peter's surgery, anything to deter the conversation from her own mishaps as a parent. "Maggie, I was just telling Amelia about how Owen won't let you do Peter's surgery pro-bono," Meredith says, catching Maggie up to speed.

Maggie's shoulders sulk. "It's so sad. Derek was so confident that it wouldn't be a big deal…"

"Well, that's Derek for you. He thinks he owns the place all to himself," Amelia sneers.

Despite knowing Amelia's right, Meredith can't help herself from defending her husband. "He just wants to help. That's all he ever wants. His heart is in the right place, even if his ego isn't always," Meredith says, realizing she might want to take her own advice. She knows Derek just wants what's best for her and the baby, even if it comes off as annoyingly hovering. His heart is in the right place. Always.

"I just wish there was something we could do for Peter's family," Maggie sighs, sinking her elbows into her thighs. "There has to be something."

"I encouraged Penny to start a GoFundMe account. We can all promote it for her," Meredith says.

"That's a great idea!" Maggie beams. "Still, Peter's surgery is quite pricey. They'd have to get a lot of donations. Maybe, if they're lucky, famous people will donate!"

Meredith sighs, shaking her head in dismay. "Famous people don't just donate to random people, though, sadly."

"True," Maggie frowns. "Imagine if they did, though. The world would be a better place!"

They enter an awkward silence.

Amelia breaks the quietness, finally blurting, "I'll do it, fine. I'll talk to Owen and see what I can do."

Maggie looks puzzled, though. "That's really nice of you, but why? I mean, why would Owen listen to you?"

"Because she has something to offer that you and I don't," Meredith winks, and Amelia cheeks turn a shade of crimson.

Maggie still looks puzzled for a second, then clues in. "Oh!" her eyes widen. "You and Owen?"

"Seriously, Mags, I'm beginning to wonder if you live under a rock," Amelia jabs, sliding off the couch. She whirls around at Meredith and Maggie. "I have to do this on my own. You both stay here. Maggie, make sure _she_ doesn't move. I'll page you, _Maggie_ , when I need you," Amelia leers in Meredith's direction, and Meredith seethes when she realizes her sister-in-law is instructing Maggie to babysit her.

All the Shepherds are hovering over her now.

* * *

Amelia would be lying if she said she has a game plan. She has none, so she's going to wing it and hope for the best. Amelia knows she has no business getting involved here, but Meredith practically guilt tripped her. She knows Meredith only asked her because she genuinely cares about the patients. Meredith isn't gaining anything from Peter getting a pro-bono surgery.

Sometimes Meredith can be so selfless; it's both a strength and a weakness, especially when her own well-being is at stake. Amelia knows good doctors are willing to put a patient's life before her own, though. She would fight, too, if she were in Meredith's shoes.

She sends Owen a text asking where he's at. He responds _, "In office. Lonely. Want to join?"_

Amelia texts back _, "On my way right now_."

When she meets him in his office, she can't deny the exhaustion that riddles the curves of his eyes. He looks worn out. Wrinkles crinkle under his eyelids. His eyes are red. Stacks of paperwork clutter his desk, as usual. Yet, he still manages to muster out a smile when he sees her.

"Hey." He sets down his pen after Amelia walks in. He stands up and strolls toward her, greeting her with a kiss. He lowers the blinds and locks the door; Amelia senses he's clueless about the matter she's about to attempt to discuss with him.

"You look beat. Rough day?" Amelia asks as she wraps her arms around him from behind. Meredith was right about one thing. Sex is likely the best way to get to Owen right now.

"The worst day ever," Owen mumbles, cupping his hand over hers. "I hope you've had a better day than I have."

"It's definitely been a proactive day," Amelia responds. "Lots of kids in the ER. You know, with the bleachers collapsing and all."

"Feels like it's been one disaster after another lately, and then I have to deal with board members who think the rules don't apply to them," Owen grunts as her hands trace down the center of his spine, her thumbs maneuvering a massaging motion, releasing the tension from his back.

"Mmm, I hope my brother isn't being too difficult for you," Amelia breathes in his ear as her hands continue to do their magic. She guides him over to the couch and allows him to relax at last.

"It's not _just_ your brother, though we did get into it earlier," Owen confesses.

"I heard," Amelia admits.

"You did?" Owen raises his light-colored eyebrows.

"Well, you know how the gossip reproduces like bunnies around here," Amelia shrugs.

"Speaking of gossip, does Derek know about us? Because I can't help but get the feeling that he doesn't…"

"If he doesn't, then he and Maggie Pierce have been living under the same rock. She just found out today," Amelia chuckles, but Owen is clearly unamused. Her humor quickly dies. "Owen, why does it matter what Derek knows about us? Our relationship isn't anyone's business but our own."

Owen gazes at her her sternly. "What about when the holidays come around and I want to have Thanksgiving with your family?"

"You're Derek's neighbor. I'm sure he won't mind you being there. You and half the hospital had Thanksgiving at Derek and Meredith's last year anyway," Amelia shrugs.

"Okay, but what if I want to hold your hand at this year's Thanksgiving?" he says, stroking her wrist, cupping his hand around hers.

Amelia shrugs again. "Then you'll hold my hand. Seriously, Owen, I don't care what Derek thinks. He probably already knows."

"But he hasn't said anything to you?" Owen looks uncertain.

"No, and why should he? It's not like I pry into his personal life. I never once said a word to him about Meredith when I heard about her from my sisters, unlike Nancy who had to fly across the country and stick her nose into his personal life because she's a nosy bitch." Amelia sighs. "For what it's worth," she adds with a small smile, "I told my mom about you, who's probably told all my sisters by now, and surely if my mom hasn't, one of my sisters has said something to Derek."

"Okay," he heaves a shuddering sigh. "I just wish I knew for a fact he knew. I'd feel more comfortable knowing I'm not going end up with a broken nose one of these days out of the blue."

"Trust me, if you were going to get a broken nose, it would have already happened," Amelia laughs confidently, gently kissing the nape of his neck.'' She can feel the tension releasing underneath his skin.

"By the way, just so you know, when I was talking about board members thinking the rules don't apply to them, I wasn't just talking about Derek," Owen sways the conversation back to their earlier discussion.

"Oh?" Amelia's thoughts direct to Meredith, who'd disobeyed her OB's orders. Had Derek said something to him about that?

"I learned from Derek that Jackson performed a pro-bono surgery a couple weeks ago without retrieving permission from the Avery Foundation. He's an Avery, so he probably thinks that's permission enough," Owen confides. Amelia's eyes widen, recalling Meredith telling her this; apparently Meredith was unaware that Jackson had done the surgery without Owen's knowledge. Owen slouches pitifully. "It just...makes me wonder what kind of chief am I? Maggie was about to do a pro-bono surgery right under my nose, too, without asking because Derek told her it was all right. I just happened to overhear her discussing it with Karev."

"And you told her she couldn't do the surgery because we don't have the funds?" Amelia questions.

"Which isn't true, we do, I was just irked that Derek was going around telling people they have the permission to do stuff that _he_ doesn't have the authority to give. And now I find out it's not just him," Owen says. "I'm a terrible chief, Amelia."

"No, you're not," Amelia argues.

"My staff doesn't respect me. Not like they respected Richard, anyway."

"Owen," she says slowly. "What are you saying?"

He shakes his head, looking doubtful. "I-I don't know," Owen sighs. "But you should tell Maggie she can do the surgery."

Well, this is a lot easier than she anticipated.

She takes her phone out of her pocket to text Maggie.

* * *

Maggie's phone buzzes in the middle of a conversation about the last Ross valve replacements. They've kept the conversation lively, and Meredith is grateful she can still talk about surgery even if she can't do it. Talking about surgery almost gives her the same rush as actually doing surgery, but it's not quite the same. It will suffice for now.

"Amelia wants me to come meet her," Maggie says, anxiously sliding off the couch.

"Did she get Owen to agree to the surgery?" Meredith asks, her eyes wide.

"She doesn't say. She just said to come now," Maggie shrugs. "What do you think that means?"

"Maybe Owen is putting up a fight, and she needs our help?" Meredith lands on her feet rapidly, ready to go give Owen a piece of her mind. Maggie merely stares at her, though, as she walks toward the door. "What?" Meredith gapes. "Are you coming or what?"

"Don't you think you should stay here?" Maggie clams up, her eyes steady on the swell of Meredith's abdomen.

"Unless Amelia is telling you to come to the OR, I think I'm in the clear," Meredith dictates. Maggie doesn't look convinced, though. "Oh, come on. I'm not going to sit here on the couch while you get to have all the fun of fighting Owen for your rights to save a life!" Meredith groans, taking one step out the door. "Are you coming?"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming," Maggie says. "But if Derek…"

"It's me he'll be mad at, not you. Don't worry about Derek," Meredith says definitively as she and her half-sister dodge toward the elevator.

* * *

"I swear to God, if he's still saying no," Meredith cringes bitterly as she and Maggie approach the chief's office. She's ready to whip Owen's ass, or at least give him a piece of her mind. If anyone deserves a pro-bono surgery, it's Peter, and she's going to see that this family gets what they deserve.

"Hey!" A familiar voice calls from behind, just as she's about to storm into Owen Hunt's office and yell at the top of her lungs. She freezes in her step and slowly turns around. "There you are," Derek gasps. The concern in his blue orbs meets hers for a second, before his gaze directs to Maggie. "You found her, and you didn't tell me? I just tried calling you, and you didn't answer."

"You did?" Maggie looks confused. She pats her pants pocket and her eyes expand wide. "My phone...it's gone…"

"You just had it," Meredith says. "Amelia texted you, remember?"

"Yeah, she did. _Damn it_ , I must have left it in the lounge couch," Maggie groans loudly. She glances at Derek. "Be right back." She storms off, and Meredith heaves a loud sigh, avoiding Derek's eyes.

"Where did you go?" Derek hisses in a low voice, clearly trying not to draw attention to them.

"I had a thing I needed to take care of," she replies.

"A thing?" He sounds pissed, and she knows his anger is eating at him. The only thing stopping him from yelling her right now is the swarms nurses and orderlies passing by them, going about their daily routines. He doesn't want to draw public attention to Meredith and himself, which she's grateful for, because she doesn't either.

"Yes, a thing, and before you go accusing me of working, I wasn't. I was in the lounge the whole time. If you don't believe me, ask your sister," Meredith hisses. She stares at him for a few moments, their eyes locking, neither saying a word. Derek is clearly befuddled.

"My sister?" Derek whispers. He squints. "What in the world does she…?"

Before he finishes his question, Maggie returns. She's panting like a dog. "I'm back! Got my phone!" She holds her iPhone up, showcasing it. "Took the stairs and everything." Her breaths gradually regulate. "Now are we gonna do this?"

"Do what?" Derek raises his hands above his head, lost.

Maggie and Meredith stare at each other, neither speaking, then Meredith pushes the door to Hunt's office open. Maggie follows her in, Derek still standing in the doorway. They find Owen behind his desk, and Amelia sitting in the chair in front of him.

"All right, Owen. Here's the deal. You're going to allow Maggie to perform a pro-bono Ross valve replacement on Peter Novak. I may not agree with everything my husband says, but he's right about this. These kids have been through Hell and back, and they don't deserve another mishap. So, you're going to approve the surgery, with or without the Harper Avery Foundation's approval. I don't care if we have the funds or not. If Jackson Avery gets to…"

"Meredith," Amelia gently cuts her off. "Calm down, please."

Meredith realizes she's seething. Her face is hot, and sweat drips from her forehead. It's only now that she becomes in tune with her body's reaction. Deep breaths regulate her breathing back to normal, though. Her heart still races, her heart's beats pulsating in her ears like mallets slamming against a drum. It's Maggie, though, not Derek, who puts one hand on her back. She cocks her back, seeing his eyes gaze back at her in amazement and also clear-cut concern.

Owen's light blue eyes sparkle. "You're absolutely right, Dr. Grey," he speaks, then looks at Maggie. "I give you permission to do Peter Novak's surgery pro-bono, Dr. Pierce." He smiles genially at the women, and then at Derek.

"Sorry," Amelia mouths. "I should have mentioned that in the text."

"I can? Really? I mean, awesome!" Maggie throws her arms around Meredith, then Amelia, and lastly Owen. "This is awesome! I'm going to go tell the family the great news."

"I'll go with you," Meredith beams.

"Uh-hem," Derek coughs.

"It'll take three minutes," Meredith says. "You can come, too," she insists.

"Okay. Three minutes," he mumbles, still looking displeased by the idea.

"Thank you," Meredith whispers in Amelia's ear.

"Oh, don't thank me. I didn't do anything," Amelia insists, her eyes widening. "Really, I didn't."

Meredith raises her eyebrow at that, but doesn't question further. She follows Maggie out of the office. Derek follows after them as they move toward the elevator.

"Okay, _what_ just happened?" Derek breathes into Meredith's ear.

"Peter Novak was granted a pro-bono surgery. That's what happened," she winks. Derek just looks back at her in disbelief.

* * *

Every limb in Derek Shepherd's body is worried and confused. He can't believe he spent a good hour looking for Meredith while Maggie was with her and had failed to let him know. Derek has the urge to yell at Maggie more, but he manages to control his anger at his half-sister-in-law. He knows it's beside the point now.

He wants to take Meredith home and chain her to the bed, so she can't harm herself or their son, but, at the same time, he knows she won't allow him to do that. Unless they're going to be doing naughty things while she's chained up. She might go for it, then. Still, he wouldn't dare do that to her while she's pregnant, and there's a risk he could hurt her. That's a fantasy that will have to wait. He's never been much into BDSM anyway. She's definitely the kinkier one in their relationship.

Derek knows she would never intentionally hurt herself or their son, but her defiance is dangerous, and he's not sure if she realizes how dangerous.

She barely looks at him as they head toward Peter's room with Maggie. He suspects she's purposely being difficult now, and he hates when she's like this. She's strong-willed and, while he finds it attractive sometimes, it certainly raises _his_ blood pressure. His wife is going to give him a heart attack one of these days.

Penny is sitting by Peter's bedside when they arrive. She lights up when they enter the room.

"He's not awake yet," Penny says. "Will he wake up soon?" She trades looks with the three doctors in the room.

Derek nods. "He's just had brain surgery, so it can take a while to wake up," he explains.

"And Priya? She's not awake yet, either. I asked a nurse if they could move her in here with Peter, but she said she'd have to ask." Penny looks exhausted with worry and concern, and Derek's heart goes out to her.

"We'll request that she's moved in with Peter," Meredith pipes up, finally look at Derek for the first time since they'd left Owen's office. Derek and Maggie both nod in agreement. Meredith motions for a nurse, who's standing outside, to come over. "I need you to move Priya Novak in here, as soon as possible."

The nurse nods. "On it."

Meredith then turns to Penny. The young woman's eyes are bloodshot. Meredith kneels down beside her and places her hand on Penny's shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Penny," Meredith says gently. "Everything is going to be okay."

"But we can't afford Peter's surgery. I heard the other doctor saying that you couldn't give him the surgery for free," Penny says, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I-I started a GoFundMe account, but who's going to donate to us? We don't have any rich friends or anything."

"You started the GoFundMe account? That's great. Tweet me the link, and I'll retweet it and try to spread the word," Meredith grins and she rattles off her Twitter username for Penny. It's moments like this that warm Derek's heart, and his worries dissipate for a moment as he sees his wife clearly enjoying being able to help others through her work. Her bedside manner has always impressed him; it's something many doctors in today's world forget about, and it's vital to good patient care.

"Penny," Maggie says softly. "We've advocated for your brother's case, and Peter can have the surgery. For free."

Penny looks up, her eyes wide. "He...can?"

Meredith nods. "Yes, he can. Dr. Pierce here will perform the surgery."

"Oh, my God." Liquid spills from Penny's tear ducts as she throws her arms around Meredith and then Maggie and then Derek. "Thank you, thank you. My brother and sister couldn't ask for better doctors. I'm so glad they were brought here. You guys actually care." Penny wipes her cheeks when she releases Derek.

Derek's heart swells. He looks at Meredith, who also has tears in her eyes. He knows they're happy tears. Now he understands why she had to be here when Penny learned the good news.

Two nurses are in the doorway with the bed that Priya Novak lies asleep. Derek motions Meredith and Maggie out of the room, so the nurses can position Priya's bed next to her brother's.

The family is reunited and, for now, they're okay.

Derek tells Maggie to page his sister and to have him keep an eye on Peter's brain, since he's still going to need a neurological exam when he wakes up.

He glances at his watch. "It's been longer than three minutes," he mutters in Meredith's ear. She sighs loudly.

"One second, I just need to tell Alex to keep me updated on Priya."

"Alex has a phone, doesn't he? You can text him," Derek pushes, annoyance building in his veins. "Meredith, come on. Do you want to run into Dr. Ryan and have to explain to her why you're still here?"

She frowns, sulking, but that gets to her. "Okay, fine," she snaps. "Let's go home, but what about the kids?"

"I'll pick them up," Amelia appears out of thin air, taking Derek and Meredith both by surprise.

"You're sure?" Meredith asks, startled.

"Yeah, you need some time to yourselves, and I need some niece and nephew time. Plus, I was craving pizza, and they're the only two people in the world who I know won't say no to pizza," Amelia grins. "I'll have Edwards keep an eye for me on Peter and Priya and tell her to page me when he wakes up."

Derek is tempted to request she have another resident look after Peter, but he bites his tongue.

"Have I ever told you you're my favorite sister?" Derek smirks, relieved that he won't have to deal with their two energetic children on top of a hormonal Meredith on the way home. It'll give them time to talk their feelings out, maybe.

"You say that to all of your sisters," Amelia retorts with confidence.

She's right. He does.

"But what can I say? I love being the kids' favorite aunt," Amelia smirks, winning Maggie's attention.

"I don't know, the competition is pretty heavy," Maggie pitches in.

"You're going to have to take the kids out for a whole lot more pizza to beat me out," Amelia chuckles.

Maggie frowns. "I'd go with you guys tonight, but I need to stay here and keep an eye on Peter. I don't think it's a good idea to leave him alone with a resident."

Derek feels a little better knowing Stephanie won't be the only one monitoring Peter. Maggie is a good doctor.

He notices Meredith wandering off again. "I have to go before I lose my wife again," he says hurriedly, swiftly chasing after Meredith.

"I was just going to the car," Meredith growls, pulling her hand away when he tries to reach for it.

He can tell she's in one of her moods. It's going to be a long night.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: Are you guys still here? I hope you're all enjoying the sun while it lasts. Anyway, next chapter should be interesting, huh? Will it be a long night like Derek thinks? Stay tuned to find out.**


	10. Chapter 9

**Irene's A/N: Hello again, readers! Is Derek's night going to be as long (and dramatic!) as he feared, or is Meredith going to surprise him? Read to find out!**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

* * *

"Stop it," Meredith practically growls, as Derek follows her into their bedroom, "I'm pregnant, not invalid. I don't need you to help me change."

Derek sighs. They have spent the majority of their ride home in silence, Meredith quietly staring out of the window, ignoring him, her hand planted firmly on her bump, while he tried to stop himself from yelling at her. He knows he's treating her like a piece of glass, but when Dr. Ryan looks so worried and threatens bed rest, he feels like he should treat her like glass.

He backs off a little and gives her room, changing into a pair of light sweats and a t-shirt, hearing a relieved groan come from Meredith when she sits at the foot of their bed and her shoes come off. He's about to move closer and give her a massage, but he's afraid she'll threaten his life next, so he stays put.

The house plunges back into a strange quiet again. Without the kids around, it is always so quiet.

Meredith remains seated on the bed for a lot longer than usual to take off her socks, and he simply takes her in for a second, before leaving the room. She looks tired, and he has no idea why he missed it, or how she could become so good at hiding it. Now that she has given herself time to relax from her façade, tiredness fills her every pore.

Derek's eyes casually glance upwards, and he spots the two post-its hanging above their dresser, one beside the other.

 _Full disclosure, no lying; To trust each other; Really listen. No word twisting._

The footnote they wrote just a few weeks before jumps out at him, and the anger he has tried to repress since Dr. Ryan explained what happened swells back.

"Footnote," he spills, and he sees Meredith's head snap up, her eyes widening as she glances back and forth between him and the wall. "I'm calling post-it footnote now."

"Derek," she murmurs, but he can't contain himself anymore.

"We promised to always tell each other everything. I figured your well being was important enough for me to be in the know!" he spits out, starting to pace around the room, though he can see Meredith becoming more and more nervous as he makes laps around his side of the bed.

"You know, if you want to call footnote, then it's my turn too!" Meredith snarls. "You never even gave me time to explain myself before you were siding against me."

"What is there to say? You hid important information about your health from me! What if something had indeed happened?"

"Don't you think I care enough about our son to prevent it?" she shouts back, her cheeks tingeing with red, her pupils dark and wide as she slams her hand on the comforter.

"You can't be a doctor on your own body, Meredith!" he exclaims, his hands in the air, before he tangles his fingers in his now messy curls.

"Speaks Mr. OB Expert here," she spats, rolling her eyes.

"I want to help you feel better!"

"And you are! You were, if we didn't get interrupted. I was going to get out of the OR if I felt even remotely not fine."

"How can I trust what you're saying?" he asks, exasperated by her blindness in light of the facts in front of her.

"Because I meant the post-it. And the footnote. I didn't want to hide anything. I was going to tell you I was going home after the sex."

"But you didn't!" he almost yelps, feeling helpless. "You picked up a surgery and rushed around and -"

"Risked our son's life?"

That stops Derek from pacing, and forces him to take a deep breath. Meredith is heaving out in large gulps, one of her hands clutching the covers, the other draped over her stomach, almost unconsciously. She's a ball of anger, and she's still the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

He softens. His anger deflates. "I know you would never jeopardize our son's life like that, Mere."

"Why don't you trust me to keep him safe, then?" she asks, her voice faltering in the end. Her eyes are glassy.

"Sometimes we get so caught up in a surgery that everything else falls away, even the important alarm bells from our bodies. I'm _always_ afraid about anything happening to you in there, when I can't be next to you."

She lets out a shuddery breath too. "The OR is the only place I feel good, Derek. I feel like I am myself, and not a ticking time bomb of high blood pressure. I know my limits."

"You are so fearless you scare the crap out of me most of the time," he admits, sitting beside her on the bed, on his side, leaving a few inches between them.

Meredith reaches out, folding her hand into his, squeezing it tightly. "I know you worry about us, that's why I didn't say anything about my visit to Connie. You don't need to worry more."

"I will always worry more than necessary," he admits, giving her a smile, then rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. "It's my job. That's what I signed up for when I married you and when we started our family."

"I'm still not used to having someone worry so much about me, you know?" she admits, and it breaks his heart. Sometimes Derek can almost see the five-year-old self of his wife, alone and abandoned by the only person who could show her selfless love. Ellis might have made Meredith into the wonderful woman she is now, but sometimes he wishes Thatcher would have fought harder to show her what unconditional love is all about.

"I will worry about you forever. And we'll worry together about the kids," he says, pulling her closer to him, resting her cheek on his collarbone as she wraps her arm around him.

Derek rests his hand on top of hers over the spot where their son is growing, brushing a kiss on her forehead as Meredith relaxes in his arms.

"You're good at the taking care of each other part of our post-it," she murmurs, a hint of a giggle in her tone that makes him smile as well.

"You're good too. You know me better than anybody else," he admits, "and you really know how to take care of me, even when I'm clueless."

She finally giggles. "We would be hopeless without one another, uh?"

Derek chuckles with her as they bask in the quiet of their embrace for a moment, letting the events of the day wash over them.

"Do you want to shower now or rest on the couch and shower after dinner?" Derek asks, smiling when he notices that Meredith is still halfway dressed into the clothes she had worn to the hospital.

"I will shower now if it means you're joining me," she smirks, her eyes twinkling as she looks up at him.

Derek answers by smirking back at her and taking off his t-shirt.

Meredith traces his sternum with her fingertip, a wicked grin on her lips as she makes a show out of taking off her own top, her black maternity bra now in full display. Derek stares at her with longing, the desire he has buried deep inside after their failed encounter in the on-call room roaring back in full force.

Derek lunges in to capture her lips in a passionate kiss, her hands finding his hair as their bodies seek proximity on their own. The places where their skins touch catch fire, and Derek wants to be even closer to Meredith.

Her fingers quickly work to untie his sweatpants, the light brush of her fingers over his erection like the sweetest of torture. "Shower. Now," she hums in his ear, before she bites his earlobe. He willingly complies.

The rest of their clothes fall off in a trail as they reach their shower and slam the glass door behind them. They stand away from the gelid spray of the water, their lips still connected, their bodies close to conserve heat. By the time they pull away, steam is rising from the water.

Derek knows the bendy thing in the shower is one of Meredith's favorite positions, but with her expanding stomach it's getting more and more difficult for them to pull it off, so he figures they have to be creative.

Meredith lunges at him and slaps his naked back against the glass side of their shower, sprays from the shower bouncing off her body and hitting him, creating a sharp contrast of hot and cold. There's an overload of stimuli and their bodies are humming with desire.

"I've been waiting all day for this," Meredith hums, her hand finding his hardness under his navel, caressing his skin, making him groan.

"Stupid pagers," he manages to mumble back as a reply, before he focuses his attention on her sensitive breasts. Her head lolls back the moment he finds her nipple and lavishes her skin with kisses.

Their movements quickly become urgent, their desire too great to aim for slow and all-consuming. Derek flips them around, eliciting a gasp from Meredith as she's the one pinned against the shower stall now, completely at his mercy, while he gets ready to show her his love.

Derek runs his hand from her thigh down to the back of her knee, before he hooks her leg around his waist and joins their bodies. Meredith's shout of his name echoes in the stall, while he rests inside of her, not moving, even though his brain is begging him to do so.

"Move," she orders, biting on his neck, jerking her hips with demanding insistence. He groans in pain and pleasure.

Derek picks up her other leg as well, holding up her full weight, even though right in this moment she feels light as a feather. He smiles into their kiss when he moves his hand low down her stomach and finds the swell of their son between them, halting his exploration, a bump that wasn't there last time he had made love to Meredith like this. He kisses her even deeper, before his fingers find her clitoris and he sends her spiraling down into orgasm.

He watches her through his hooded eyes, always fascinated by the beauty of her climax, then he barely gives her room to catch her breath before he starts moving inside of her.

She moans nonsensically, her body out of control as he picks up his pace progressively, building her up again and bringing her near her climax effortlessly, up until his own movements are uncontrolled and only passion and love are guiding them.

They jump off the cliff together, their bodies humming the same melody as their breaths even out, and the roar of the water fills their ears again.

* * *

Meredith is almost happy to collapse on the couch after their make-up sex in the shower, her body still humming and boneless after two orgasms. Derek willingly went in the kitchen to make her a glass of lemon and cucumber juice after their quick dinner, and she has picked up her iPad to kill time. She promised Penny she'd spread the word about her GoFundMe account, and so far she has managed to both retweet it on her Twitter page, and she's in the middle of writing a post about her and her siblings' story on her blog.

"Freshly-squeezed juice coming right up," Derek makes a flourish of presenting the glass to her, before he gives her a dashing smile and sits down beside her.

"Thank you," she hums, taking a sip and relishing the taste. He has become so good at getting the taste just right in the past few weeks. "Have you spread the word about the GoFundMe account for Penny?" she asks, as he plops down on the couch beside her, sharing a smile with her before he picks up a magazine from the stack on the coffee table.

It is so normal, yet it feels almost surreal to be together on the couch like this, her sore feet on his lap as he absentmindedly rubs her calves while he's not turning the pages.

"I did. I hope we'll find a way to help her," he admits, his eyes becoming sad with the knowledge that they can't always save everybody, but that some patients deserve to be saved more than others. "I see you're writing the post on your blog, too."

Meredith smiles as well. "A couple of people on Twitter said they donated, so I hope it's true."

"I hope so, too."

Their conversation quiets down while they keep reading in the stillness of their home, relishing each other's presence without the kids pulling at their focus constantly.

"Oh, wow," Derek blunders, eyeing the page with rapt interest. He's reading the Journal of Neurosurgery, and he hardly ever gets this excited about an article, lately. He's fully engrossed in the words by that point.

"What is it?" she asks, curiosity having the better of her. He looks calmer after their shower sex, and less hover-y; maybe they can have a decent conversation now that the kids aren't around.

"There's a new Alzheimer's research that looks really, really promising. They talk about using ultrasound technology instead of drugs, breaking apart the amyloid plaques that cause memory loss. Non-invasive, too."

"Wow, indeed," she smiles. She knows Alzheimer's research will always peak his interest, no matter how much he denies that he wants to find a cure for her future self.

"I think they're really close to figuring out a cure," he smiles, big and wide, his eyes twinkling as well. "Maybe I should contact them, see if they need a hand. Their research is really headed in the right direction, I would love to help them out with what I learned through the BRAIN Initiative."

Meredith smiles, though her hand falls on her stomach, a hint of worry seeping back into her. "Who is them?"

"The University of Queensland Brain Institute."

"Queensland as in Australia's Queensland?" She knows the answer when he looks guilty all of a sudden. "Absolutely not."

"Wouldn't it be awesome to move to Australia?"

"Derek, I didn't want to move to DC. Australia is all the way across the world!" she yelps and she sees him deflating, the bubble of happiness disappearing right before her eyes.

"I was kidding," he smiles, though he looks like she just kicked his puppy. "Maybe we should do something else; you need to relax."

Meredith shakes her head, not taking the bait of his conversation switch. "I know you still want to cure Alzheimer's, Derek. I'm not blind."

"I made a choice. I will always choose you and the kids. This was impulsive and I might have done it before, but not now. Not when it affects us, our family, your work...I know I'm not on my own, I guess I just got excited for a second." He doesn't look quite as sad as he did the moment before, so Meredith decides to let it go. But she does want to talk with her husband about something more than medicine.

"Do you want to answer a couple of questions from the shrinky list? We never started any of the thirty-six before Amelia or the kids interrupted us," she proposes, digging on the coffee table for the paper he had printed that night. Derek seems eager to go along with her idea.

"No staring though, or I'm afraid we won't answer any questions," he smirks, pulling out the sheet from under one of Zola's coloring books. "Are we going to do them in order?" he asks, skimming through the text quickly, before he looks back up at her.

"We could," Meredith shrugs. "What is the first question?"

"Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?" he reads. "Sounds interesting."

"Yeah, that's...It involves famous people, right?"

"Not necessarily," he smiles, "because I will definitely want you sitting next to me."

Meredith smiles, though she blushes a little. "Yeah, I was thinking about inviting you too."

Derek kisses her quickly, settling her against his side in a half embrace. Meredith relaxes even further against him, though she's still fidgeting with the paper list.

"What about famous people, is there anyone you would like to invite?" Derek prompts, his own brain swirling to think of anyone else.

"I think...Oprah would make for an interesting dinner guest. Or Ellen DeGeneres. I'm sure they will add some laughter to the evening," Meredith grins, though she blushes again.

"They're not the only ones, uh?" he grins, teasing her, knowing she has someone she secretly longs to sit next to and swoon over. She's one hundred percent sure he has busted her.

In the spirit of being open with one another she decides to grin and bear it. "Patrick Dempsey," she whispers, lowering her gaze to her lap, biting her lip and squeezing her eyes shut.

"From that Disney movie Zola obsesses over when she's not watching ET? The guy who races cars too?"

Meredith rolls her eyes. Of course her husband would remember about the cars and not about the dreamy beauty of the man. "Yes, that Patrick Dempsey."

Derek chuckles. "People mistake me for him sometimes, is that the reason why you always watch the movie with Zola?"

Meredith swats his chest playfully as he chuckles, her cheeks reddening even further, "I like it, not just because Zola loves it, and I don't watch the movie because of him," she admits, now feeling her cheeks burn even more. "I've been a fan of his since I was a teenager."

Derek's mouth opens, closes, then he can't suppress the grin spreading on his lips. "He was your first celebrity crush?"

"Stop it!" Meredith giggles nervously, hitting him again.

"It's cute. I never pegged you to be the type of girl who got a crush on an actor," he keeps teasing, his chuckling covering up Meredith's mood changing.

"Remember, I'm not peggable," she grins, her giggling deflating as the memories come back to her. "I think I didn't just have a crush on him, it was more what happened around the time I saw that movie that made me remember him fondly," she confesses.

"Hey, it's okay, I remember Amelia begging me to take her to see certain crap movies to only see an actor, I'm not judging you," he smiles reassuringly, turning his face to stare deep into her eyes. She can only see trust and understanding there.

"It was my first PG-13 movie. I was eleven," she says, a small smile on her lips at the memory, as it slowly engulfs her. "I put on make-up and dressed up. I looked at least fifteen. I went with my neighbor. She was already in eighth grade and one of the coolest kids of the block, so I felt privileged to be hanging out with her. I mostly went to her house because her brother was my age and Ellis needed someone to look after me, but I liked spending time with Sarah more than I did with her brother, though her brother was a nice kid."

"Was Sarah your first best friend?"

Meredith sighs. "I worshiped the ground she walked on, but she only found me funny. She wasn't the best role model either, but I hung on her every word. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had a different neighbor," she admits. "Do you have any famous people to add to the list?"

"Ernest Hemingway," Derek replies, not missing a beat, knowing she wants to change the subject. It's those times that makes her wonder what more there is to know between them, and yet she always manages to be surprised. "Wait," he interrupts her thoughts, then. "Dead people are allowed, right?"

"They are," Meredith replies. "Anyone can take part in our weird dinner."

"Then I'd want my dad there, too." Derek's voice softens and she feels his hand touch the spot where their baby is growing. "You know, I remember seeing a movie with a couple of my nieces, out of my will, one of those chick flicks that drive men nuts. I can't remember the title, only that Jake Gyllenhaal was very young and Susan Sarandon and Dustin Hoffman were hilarious," he breathes out, a small smile on his lips. "It reminded me of the time my dad died."

"Why?" Meredith asks quietly, knowing that he hardly ever shares a memory of his father, and she wants to treasure this moment.

"I had a silly girl crush at the time. We went to the movies, we held hands, you know, the things you are supposed to do as a tween. I invited her over once, and Mom was beside herself. I think she was ready to plan a wedding already," Derek chuckles.

"I can see your mom doing that," she grins, laughing with him.

"The day Dad was murdered I was in his shop as usual after school, but I would have remembered it even without the robbery," he gulps. "Lisa - that was the girl's name - and I just argued about something silly I can't remember, and of course we broke it off. I was crushed."

"Aw," Meredith smiles, though she feels like the break up wasn't the interesting part.

"I had no idea how to tell my mother there wasn't a wedding in our future anytime soon," he smirks.

"So you went to your dad?" she prompts.

"Dad pulled me aside, and I still remember his amused smile. He told me that when I would find the right girl, even when we fought about important things and we'd be at each other's throats for days, I'll never want to leave her. The mere thought of leaving her would push me to make up and forget about the argument. And I forgot all about his advice until the night of the movie, when I fought with Addison and I remembered his words. I panicked, because I never felt that way about her."

"Derek, -" Meredith whispers, squeezing his hand.

"I feel that way about you, Meredith. These last few months are proof that my dad was right, and that's why I'd want him sitting beside me at dinner. To tell him he was right all along, and that I wish I had remembered his advice sooner."

"I feel the same way about you," Meredith hums back, then wraps him in his arms even tighter as they relish the feeling of his words.

"So we're set for the speech when the kids will start dating, uh?" Derek jokes, trying to lighten up the mood, and drawing a small giggle out of Meredith. He puts his hands over her belly, lifting up her shirt to touch her skin as she sinks into his touch.

"You know," Meredith says quietly, "I never thought such a simple question could spark such big revelations," she admits, joining her hand with Derek's.

Before she can say something more, or Derek can reply, she gasps loudly at the feeling under her palm.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: I had fun reading this chapter (thanks, Irene, for writing it), so I hope you all did, too. You'll be happy to know we're finally ahead again and have more chapters banked. We're shooting for weekly updates on Sundays, so check your inboxes next Sunday for chapter 10.**


	11. Chapter 10

**Irene's A/N: We know we left you guys on a bit of a cliff last Sunday. As promised, here's another update to solve it! Enjoy!  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

* * *

 _Before she can say something more, or Derek can reply, she gasps loudly at the feeling under her palm._

"What is it?" Derek frowns, worry on display on his face.

"Can you feel him?" Meredith murmurs, afraid that the flutters in her belly would stop if she talks louder or moves even of an inch. The flutters have definitely grown stronger.

Derek beams. "He's kicking?"

Meredith nods, tears springing to her eyes. She guides Derek's hand around her stomach, making him touch every spot their son is using as a punching ball, her cheeks damp and her tears unstoppable.

"I don't think I can feel him, yet," Derek says, though it goes completely over her head, since she's too busy relishing the amazing news that their son is strong enough to kick her.

"It's so real. He's so real. I didn't...he didn't…" she stutters, gasping when he flutters again inside her. "We're not ready for him!"

Derek lets out a happy sigh, kissing her temple. "We will be. We have time."

"No! He won't have a place to sleep and we'll call him He-Baby forever! We're _so_ not ready!" Meredith blurts, sitting up straighter, though another kick takes her by surprise.

* * *

Derek feels elated as Meredith keeps tracking the movements inside her with her hand and guiding his at the same time. He wishes he could feel more, but so far he's content with the simple knowledge that their son is big enough to be kicking Meredith.

The kicking gives Derek room to reply to her freak-outs, too. "We will figure out a nursery, but do you want to find a name for him, first? We can do that. The kids aren't due to be back, yet."

Meredith nods eagerly. "He needs a name. Bailey didn't have a name until he was _hours_ old, he needs a name!"

Derek kisses her temple, trying to ground her into the moment, and she seems to relax a little. "What did we like for Bailey?"

"I liked Sebastian," she quips, almost pouting, knowing he vetoed it last time. And he still hasn't changed his mind.

"And it's still a mouthful with Shepherd."

"Maybe he can be Sebastian Grey," she shrugs, pressing his fingers over a spot next to her belly button.

"It sounds like the mucked up version of Christian Grey. Not exactly someone I'd name my son after."

Meredith sighs, though he knows she gets him. "So Christian after Cristina is out of the question too?"

"Not a fan. And we're vetoing Christopher too. Nancy has a son named Christopher," he says, quickly moving on. "What about Jack?"

"Your surname is spelled wrong," she smirks. "And you're totally a closeted LOST fan."

Derek blushes, realizing just now the connection. "Yep, no Jack Shepherd. Maybe Elliot, then? Elliot Grey?"

Meredith bursts into laughter. "You so read the _50 Shades_ trilogy. Bad boy!" she giggles, squeezing his hand as he tries to figure out the reference, but coming up empty. Yes, Amelia read the trilogy and discussed it with him, much to his chagrin, but he doesn't get it at all, no matter how much she rambled about it. Still, if Meredith made the connection, others would make it too, hence why Elliot has to be discarded.

"Since apparently _you_ read the trilogy, maybe we should re-enact it?" he suggests, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Meredith slaps his forearm, though she keeps laughing. "We need to name the baby first. Sex can wait."

Derek huffs, making her giggle even more, though he knows she's partially right. She won't stop bugging him even while he's buried deep inside of her if he doesn't comply with her request to find a name. "What about Paul?"

Meredith grimaces. "Veto."

"What? Is there another show with a Paul Shepherd?"

"No," she blushes. "There's a Paul Waxman. The guy I lost my virginity to."

Derek himself blushes, clearing his throat. Yep, veto on Paul all the way. "If we read the ultrasound wrong and we had to come up with a girl's name on the spot, I'm vetoing Linda, for the same reason. And Lindsay by association."

Meredith hums and clears her throat too, her cheeks still a rosy pink. "I'm sure your first time was better than what Paul pulled off," she blurts, regretting it immediately when both of them blush deeply.

Derek chuckles awkwardly, the memories almost making him cringe. "I was freaking out. I had no idea what I was doing."

"Neither did he," Meredith admits. "How old were you?

"Eighteen," he hums, quietly. "You?"

"Fifteen," she says, blushing. "Sophomore year. Paul was Sarah's brother, the one my age. All the older girls I was hanging out with Sarah always kept raving about their first time and told me that it was magic and I just...It wasn't magic at all."

"I'm sorry."

"When I told Sarah that maybe it hadn't been all that magical for me, she told me that maybe I should find someone else, and that I didn't need dating to find magical sex. She introduced me to tequila and one night stands, and before she left for college I was already converted to her ways."

"I'm sorry," he says quietly.

"Don't be. To this day I'm sorry I used Paul for sex for our very first time. And then I kept using boys and looking for that magic that never happened. Sex became better, but never magic," she confesses, her head hanging low, until she looks up at him and her eyes sparkle. "Until I met you and you had your way with me on my mother's old couch. The magic in our one night stand was the reason I couldn't say no to you when you chased me."

Her cheeks are red tomatoes again, and he can't help but lean in and kiss her deeply. She giggles into the kiss, moving his hand to another spot on her belly, probably after the umpteenth movement, and he chuckles with her.

"So, I am your best sex," he boasts, the feeling swelling in his chest.

She giggles, but nods. "I hope I'm your best too," she flirts back, but he can feel the vulnerableness in her trailed off statement.

"You are," he admits, and he doesn't have to lie at all. "I guess we're in for a pretty happy lifetime of sex, then," he chuckles, leaning in to kiss her again.

The moment between them is about to heat up even further when the door opens and Amelia appears with their hyper kids, the smell of pizza and a happy night spent playing following them as they enter, their smiles wide and gleeful.

"Watcha doing?" Zola asks, a question in her eyes as Bailey barrels towards them, struggling to climb on the couch, then sneaking himself in between his parents, breaking the moment. Amelia looks apologetic.

"We're just taking a quiz, ZoZo," Derek smiles, sharing a look with Meredith.

"Why you gots your hands all over Mama's belly? Is it getting bigger, that's why you got to see the doctor?"

Meredith smiles. "He's just trying to feel the baby move inside of me, Zola. Everything is okay."

"Mer, next time you want to hide doctor's appointments from Derek, tell someone else at least. I'd be happy to keep an eye on you," Amelia butts in, concern filling her features, though she gives Meredith a soft smile. Derek sighs, loving the new relationship his sister has built with his wife, glad that Meredith can finally experience something that resembles a normal family.

A jab in his ribs jerks him away from staring at Meredith, and forces him to look down at Bailey, poking Meredith's belly.

"Moov?" he half asks, half demands, poking again with a frown.

"Oh, Bailey, he won't move on command. He might still be too little for you to feel him moving," Meredith smiles, then bites her lip when she realizes how many times she used the masculine in her sentence, sharing a look with him.

"Mommy, can I try?" Zola asks, bouncing towards them, her eyes twinkling.

The surface of Meredith's round belly becomes crowded with eager palms feeling around and poking, his wife simply sitting there, guiding one of them alternatively whenever she feels a flutter or a kick, while Derek is just happy to watch and relish the moment of bliss. He wouldn't trade this for anything in the world, even though Meredith scares him half to death sometimes.

When he looks up to Amelia, he sees her eyes twinkling, then she nods at him and gives them room to be a family. He wants to tell her to stay, share the moment with them, but Zola's gasp pulls his focus away from her, and before he can say something, she has already retreated to her room.

"Mommy!" Zola squeals.

"You felt that?" Meredith beams, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"I did! My baby moved!" she grins a thousand watt smile, lightening up the room.

"He gave you a pretty strong kick indeed," Meredith grins, tears brimming from her eyes, and Derek feels his own gaze misting over too.

"More!" Bailey encourages, poking Meredith's belly again. Meredith simply grasps his little hand and trails it a few inches up, pressing his palm against her skin. Bailey giggles and jerks his hand away, and Derek knows his little brother has kicked him too.

He closes his eyes, picturing two older boys kicking each other, hashing it out on the playground much like he had done with Mark countless times, even when they weren't kids anymore. He watches the excitement on Bailey's face and he wonders how excited he will be to have a little brother so close in age to him. He sighs deeply, his smile widening.

They settle into this rhythm of kicks and giggles for a few minutes, the kids thoroughly entertained as Meredith allows them to poke and prod her. At some point though, Zola's excitement fades a little and her hand goes to grasp Meredith's tightly into hers.

"Mommy, you keep saying he to my baby sister," she complains, her frown on clear display.

Meredith clears her throat, then sends him a poignant look. Derek gulps, knowing that he's about to break his daughter's heart. He remembers the feeling well, and he knows that it will fade as soon as she'll meet her brother, but he hates crushing her expectations like this.

"ZoZo, sweetheart," he begins, and she turns towards him with an unreadable expression on her usually very expressive four-year-old face. "Do you remember we told you that we needed to wait a little for the doctor to tell us if it was a brother or a sister?"

"Yes," she nods, but she still looks confused.

"We just visited Dr. Ryan today because she wanted to tell us that you're having a baby brother."

"Nuh uh, you wrong," she shakes her head with determination. "It's a baby sister."

Derek gulps. "Sweetie, we can't pick the gender," he says, already seeing the tears in her eyes. For a second, he curses the Y gene in his sperm, wishing that it hadn't done his job right.

"I want a baby sister! You need to get me a baby sister!" she cries out, before she starts sobbing.

Derek tries to gather her in his arms, feeling his heart break for her as she tries to wriggle out of his hold. She kicks Bailey too in the process, and he seeks refuge in Meredith's arms, still touching her belly, scared and confused by his sister's behavior.

From the corner of his eyes, while he's rocking a squirming Zola into quietness, Derek spots Amelia coming back into the room, and he finally figures what he should tell her.

"You know Daddy has four sisters?" he begins, getting no answer in reply, just more tears. He hopes she's still listening to him before he continues. "Well, when your Aunt Amelia was born, I really, really wanted a baby brother. Just as much as you want a baby sister now," he sighs, but Zola lets out one more big sob that slices through his heart. "Guess what? I'm glad I have a sister now. Because I get to be the only boy in the house."

Zola stops sobbing, and for a second he's sure he has her undivided attention. Both Amelia and Meredith are looking at him with encouraging smiles.

"You get to be our only little girl, Zola. You get to play with your dolls all alone and you won't have to fight with your sister to pick one like Bailey will have to do with his matchbox cars."

"Oh," she says, realization dawning on her, as her tears stop and she calms down in his arms.

"You'll get to be my little girl forever, no competition," he fuels, afraid that it's going to backfire on him if they read the ultrasound wrong and they're having a girl, but at this point, he just wants to calm her down, he'll deal with the backlash of it when the time will come.

"But what if I wanna share my dolls?"

"You have your best friend Sofia. You know, her daddy was my best friend just like she is your best friend now. She can be your pretend sister like he was my pretend brother."

"And a brother will never steal your clothes or your makeup when you're older either, trust me," Amelia pipes up from her corner, giving Zola a big smile. "Brothers are good," she adds, and they all see Zola starting to smile again.

Zola sighs loudly, quiet enough now to rest her cheek over his collarbone, snuggling into him. "Pinky promise I'll be forever your little girl?"

Derek smiles, kissing the top of her head, shaking his pinky finger with hers. "I promise. No matter who comes along, you will always be my little girl. You and Mommy are my favorite girls in the entire world and you will be forever my favorites." Amelia clears her throat behind him and he smirks. "And your Aunt Amy, she's one of my best girls too." His sister giggles from her spot.

"Good," Zola sighs, wiggling into his arms a little so that she can touch Meredith's belly again. "I really wish you was a baby sister," she sighs, making all of them smile.

"Would you like to see your baby brother?" Meredith adds then, knowing that they reached a fragile equilibrium, and maybe seeing the baby will bring back the happiness on their little girl's face. He'd kiss her senseless for being so creative, if there weren't three babies between them preventing him to do so.

"How?" Zola asks, surprised.

"Amelia, can you get my laptop from the kitchen table?" Meredith asks, before she turns to Zola, grabbing her full attention. "Dr. Ryan made us a video of your baby brother moving inside Mommy. Would you like to see him?"

"Yes!" Bailey screams in excitement before Zola can have her say.

"Moving like...moving?"

"Yes, we can see his arms and legs and he likes to wiggle around and do somersaults. I think he does one in the video, but we'll have to check."

"He can do some summer salts?!" Zola's eyes widen, as she looks with utter disbelief at Meredith's belly. Derek chuckles, loving her excitement, knowing that maybe she won't hold a grudge for long about the baby being a boy.

Amelia comes back into the living room with the laptop and Derek invites her to sit beside them. Meredith quickly finds the e-mail Dr. Ryan sent them, then grins brightly when she clicks on the video attached to the e-mail.

Zola gasps when she hears the heartbeat, and Derek closes his eyes in bliss for a second. Zola holds his shirt tightly into her fist, stunned as she stares at the screen, and both Bailey and Amelia look equally mesmerized too. Meredith, on the other hand, looks like she's coming home. She keeps rubbing her belly, staring wistfully at the baby swimming in the ultrasound video, her smile shining bright.

"Mommy, what's that thing moving?" Zola frowns.

"That was your brother's little arm," she explains, when the flailing arm flashes on the screen again and she points it out. She proceeds to point to all the other parts of their unborn son's anatomy, even the one that makes him a boy, and Zola can't hold in the giggles anymore.

"He's weird," she says. "He looks like ET!" she blurts, and they all laugh.

"Congratulations," Amelia tells them when they have calmed down, her eyes filled with emotions.

Derek feels like he's about to cry in happiness too as he continues to share the bliss of his family, still wondering in the back of his head if he deserves this at all.

"Mommy, he's swimming!" Zola giggles.

"Maybe you can teach him how to swim in the water too when he's bigger," he says, smiling at his daughter.

"Especially if Daddy will build you guys a pool," Meredith whispers in his ear, a smug smile on her lips.

"Are you serious about this?" he whispers back.

"We could go out and see if there's anything that we like, but yes, I'm very serious about having a pool."

Derek shakes his head, knowing that his wife is always full of surprises. "Alright, we'll go tomorrow. But promise me you'll relax after that."

"Pool shopping _is_ relaxing," she smirks, giving him a look. "The kids will love a pool," she says, but he's sure she'll enjoy it more than all three of his children combined.

"Mommy," Zola interrupts. "Is my baby brother doing this now in your belly?"

Meredith smiles, her focus shifting to their daughter as he keeps watching her, imagining her in a pool, playing around with their kids, or simply happily enjoying the water with him on a rare night when they are alone. It's during those sporadic moments he gets to spend with his wife only that her realizes that he should make a serious effort to have more of these brief snippets of alone time with her. Now more than ever, since he's sure that three kids will keep them busier and busier.

"Hey," Meredith whispers, cuddling under his armpit when the kids are again too enthralled with the video and the photos of their baby brother to pay attention to her belly, now laid bare in front of them. "Can you feel this?"

Derek stares deep into her eyes as she uses his hand to nudge the baby, and then, as if it were magic, he feels the tiniest kick hit his palm, and tears spring to his eyes as Meredith beams at him.

"He's really in here," he mumbles to her, now on the same page as Meredith was before. He doesn't feel emotionally and physically ready to welcome this baby into their world, and yet he's coming in twenty odd weeks and he can't wait for it.

The kids both fall asleep after watching the ultrasound tape for the hundredth time, Derek cradling Zola, Bailey resting his head on Meredith's lap, curled all around her belly.

"I'll carry them to bed," he whispers, saying goodnight to Amelia too, Meredith giving him a wide smile.

He tucks in Zola carefully, but she stirs after he has pulled up the sheets over her arm. She blinks warily. "Daddy," she says, sleep coating each sound.

"Sleep time, Lovebug."

"I'm happy I'm gonna be your little girl forever," she murmurs, then she falls back to sleep.

Derek stares at her for a moment, tears pinching his eyes, before he sighs loudly and kisses her temple, savoring the smile on her lips until he'll be able to see it again in the morning.

Next it's Bailey's turn, though the boy is a deep sleeper like his mother and he barely acknowledges the shift, only clinging to Derek's t-shirt for a second before he curls up in his crib, his hair already wild.

When he goes back to the living room, Amelia tells him that Meredith has gone to bed as well, extending her congratulations again, only this time she hugs him too.

"I'm happy for you, Derek. Don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it, eh."

"Of course. Thank you, Amy," he grins.

"Also, I won't tell Ma or the sisters, I promise."

"Oh, you just don't want to hear them shriek and congratulate me like when I told them about Bailey."

"Maybe," she says, slapping his back as she gives him a manly hug. "Oh, I almost forgot, both Priya and Peter woke up and are doing great. Maggie is taking back Peter for his valve repair in a couple of days, but he's being monitored and everything seems to be going great."

"Wonderful news," he hums, glad that his wife's hard work and passion maybe helped out the three kids more than what was in her job description. "How's Penny holding up?"

"Surprisingly well."

"That's great, they deserve this," he sighs. "I'm heading to bed too, see you tomorrow."

"There are children in the house," she smirks, wiggling her eyebrows as Derek sashays to his bedroom.

When he turns around after closing the door, he almost chokes on his latest breath. He pops the lock right away.

Meredith is laying on their bed completely naked, propped up against the headboard as she caresses her swollen belly, her hair framing her face like a drape. She's glowing under the warm light of her bedside lamp and he swallows thickly, enchanted by her effortless beauty.

"There you are," she says, a glint in her eyes.

"If I knew you'd be waiting for me in the nude I would have hurried even more," he smirks, taking off his sweatpants.

"Hey, maybe if you actually know what Fifty Shades is all about you'll be more open to naming our son Sebastian. Or Christian," she grins.

"Are you going to show me?"

"Gladly," she smirks, sliding over to him then hooking her knees around his legs, drawing him closer to the edge of the bed. "Here," she says, her voice thicker and sexier as she hands him one of his ties. "Blindfold me."

He stares at her with wide eyes, growling when she pulls him even closer and lifts up his t-shirt, peppering his stomach with kisses as she moves up to his sternum, stretching and purring like a cat. His body responds automatically to the stimulation.

She launches his t-shirt somewhere in the room behind him while she slowly covers his whole torso with kisses and plays with his nipples.

"Mer, stop."

She pulls away from him with an almost hurt expression, and he ducks down to kiss it away. "Why?"

"God, I'd love to tie you up and blindfold you," he groans, the mere thought making him harder.

"What's stopping you, then?" she whispers. "I'm too fat, right?"

"Oh, no, of course not," he murmurs, kissing her again. "But, you're growing our son in here," he replies quietly, placing his hand on her belly.

"So what? You're not going to hurt him."

"I'm afraid, Mere. It's been such a hard pregnancy so far and I know he's perfectly fine, but I know I won't be able to control myself if you're lying here tied up and spread out for me to take. I don't want to hurt either of you and believe me, my fantasy will make you hurt."

She sighs loudly, looking up at him for a second, and he's afraid he has ruined the night. He's afraid that she'll perceive this as the worst rejection and the bubble of happiness will be popped forever.

Meredith surprises him by sliding down his boxers. Her lips are on his erection before the fabric even hits the floor. His knees buckle in surprise.

"Well, maybe I can't be your slave now, but you certainly can be mine," she smirks, licking him from the base to the tip, and a groan escapes his lips.

"Meredith," he says, but whatever else he was going to tell her fades from his brain when he disappears into her mouth.

His senses are all on alert and he can feel every touch, every lick, every stroke, almost to the point when he's unable to stay upright on his feet. Right when he's about to ask her to stop or he'll spill prematurely, she steps away from him, leaving him hard and tingling as she stands up on her feet and moves to the closet.

She comes out holding another tie, and he swallows thickly when he sees the lust in her eyes. He swiftly coaxes her back to bed and they fall into it in a tangled mess of limbs and kisses, his hands roaming freely before he knows she'll restrain him.

He touches all of her sensitive spots, paying close attention to her breast and her mound, relishing her dewy skin and her hot womanhood, his fingers telling him exactly how excited she is about this.

"Mmm, this is my turn," she says, pushing him towards the mattress then climbing on top of his stomach. She looks like a goddess as she hooks her knees around his hips and slides back and forth over his abdomen. She moans in delight when he reaches out to cup her breast and massage them tenderly.

"Party is over, Dr. Shepherd," she says, recovering the tie and almost making him burst with the look she gives him. The tease knows how much he loves it when she calls him Dr. Shepherd.

He can hardly groan before she kisses him fully and grabs his wrist. His hands are tied against the headboard quicker than how she ties up an artery in surgery and he feels like he's about to lose his mind when she slides down his body even further, settling on his thighs.

She plays with him until he's delirious and his head is completely foggy, the only thought in his head is Meredith and her hands, her lips, her tongue, her body. He's not sure what his body is doing, but he knows that whatever hers is doing feels pretty damn good.

He's ready to let himself go and Meredith senses it, so she stops her ministrations, making him gulp in a big breath. Apparently his brain had been too occupied to remind his lungs about breathing.

He doesn't have time to say anything before she slides down on him and he feels enveloped in her slick warmth. She moans loudly, biting her lip, before one of her hands disappears under her burgeoning belly and she starts moving in figure eights over him.

Her climax hits her quickly and he's way too enthralled by her beauty to follow. She looks wild and perfect while she rides him, keeping her orgasm alive, clenching deliciously around him as he tries not to follow her in bliss, so that he can see her unrestrained beauty. He's the only one who gets to see her like this. He's the only one who can make sex magic, and he really, really wants to be in control again to show her more magic, but she doesn't relent.

It takes her a moment to catch her breath after her orgasm has ended and just the ripples of it remain. Her eyes lock with his, a coy smile on her lips as she sways her hips again. He groans at the sensation.

"You're coming with me this time," she orders, and she knows the perfect way for him to obey.

He's submissive, but he doesn't care, as long as she keeps moving over him, riding him, leading him to his climax, building him up all over again until they're both ready and delirious. And when they get there they both lean towards each other and join their lips to swallow their screams, their bodies collapsing and tingling with aftershocks when they finally end their kiss.

Meredith sluggishly unties him before she slides off him, the expression on her face thoroughly sated as she cuddles against his chest.

"Hope we didn't wake the kids," he grins, kissing her temple, squeezing her closer now that he can touch her.

"Well, one of them is awake now," she giggles, grabbing his hand and placing it on the side of her belly, pressing down a little. He promptly feels a kick, and quickly kisses the top of her head, the bliss from their lovemaking multiplying tenfold.

"I guess there was a little too much excitement, uh?" he laughs, basking in Meredith's giggle.

They fall asleep in their birthday suits, their hands intertwined on Meredith's belly, their son rolling quietly within her.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: What do you guys think of the names they discussed? Mer still has her heart set on Sebastian. Hmm...**


	12. Chapter 11

**Irene's A/N: I think I fully converted Nicole to the dark side. Well, the fluffy side. Don't get too comfortable though! ;) Enjoy!  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

* * *

Maggie comes over around eleven o'clock the next morning. Derek and Meredith's morning off has been low key and relaxing. Meredith slept until eight o'clock, much to Derek's delight. He made the kids breakfast and managed to keep them occupied, since neither seem to understand the concept of _sleeping in_ , which isn't surprising, since he and Meredith don't do it often.

Fortunately, he was able to keep the kids busy with a princess tea party, which included Zola forcing him to wear a pink tutu. Meredith had had a good laugh when she woke up and caught him sipping pretend tea in their living room wearing it, and of course she'd been quick to take a picture. He didn't doubt that she would show the whole hospital and send it to his mother. Nonetheless, his mind is eased with knowing Meredith was able to endure a full nine hours of sleep. It's probably the longest she's slept in one night in a long time.

They've spent the rest of the morning snuggled on the couch, watching kids' cartoons. The kids have switched back and forth between Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. They rarely get to watch the weekday programs, since they're usually in daycare at this time.

Zola and Bailey are ecstatic to see their Aunt Maggie, though, and their attention averts from the television. Amelia is at the hospital, and Derek suspects Maggie has come by to attempt to get a leg up in the "best aunt" competition he overheard Amelia and Maggie discussing the day before.

When Derek welcomes his sister-in-law in the house, Zola immediately grabs Maggie's hand and pulls her toward her play area, no questions asked. Bailey wiggles off Meredith's lap and toddles over to his aunt and sister to see what's going on.

Meredith looks puzzled, though.

"Maggie, don't take this the wrong way, because I don't mean to be rude, but what are you doing here? It's not that you're not welcome, because you are, you're free to come by whenever. But...you know what I mean, right?" Meredith asks, breathing sharply as she stretches her legs across the now-empty couch. The television is still playing, unwatched, in the background.

"I wanted to spend some time with my niece and nephew," Maggie smiles genuinely. "I'm not on call this afternoon, so I thought instead of picking up an extra surgery like I'd normally do, I'd spend some time with Zola and Bailey."

"I see." Meredith's gaze glues to Derek. She raises her eyebrows, confusion still evident in her expression.

Derek grins. "Maggie and my sister are having a competition to see who can be _best aunt_ to the kids," he explains, chuckling.

"What?" Meredith's eyes widen, her jaw agape. She cocks her head toward her half-sister. "He's kidding, right?"

Maggie sighs, her cheeks reddening. "No, he's not. It's true. We are, and I'm afraid Amelia is in the lead. I have to get creative here. Amelia's taken them out for more pizza than I have, so apparently she's the better aunt. But guess what I brought?" She opens the backpack she's brought and takes out a colorful box. "Playdough!"

"YAY!" Zola's eyes immediately expand, and she bounces up and down cheerfully.

"YAY!" Bailey parrots his sister, also jumping up and down alongside her.

"Mama, can we play with dough?" Zola stop bouncing to look for Meredith's approval.

"Of course, sweetheart," Meredith replies with a nod, before her eyes dart to Derek. Meredith's eyes roll into the back of their sockets. Derek senses that she thinks the competition between Maggie and Amelia is silly, but he's just grateful that his kids have such great aunts who want to spend time with them.

"I bet your Auntie Amy doesn't play with playdough, does she?" Maggie smiles.

"One time a long, longgggg time ago, I think," Zola answers attentively, her pupils dilated and focused solely on the colorful dyed dough. Maggie opens one of the containers for her, and the four-year-old is quick to sink her thumb into the soft substance. Maggie helps beat all of the colors out of their containers. "Auntie Tina showeded me how to do heart surgery with playdough. Wanna see?" Zola asks, forming the pink playdough into a ball with her hands.

"Oh, do I!" Maggie exclaims.

Derek smiles, and he notices a tear spark in his wife's eye. He's happy that his daughter remembers Cristina. It's hard to believe it's almost been a full year since she moved to Switzerland. Meredith doesn't talk about her much, and as far as he knows, they haven't talked in a while. If they have talked, Meredith hasn't mentioned it. He knows it's hard for them to find a good time where they're both available because of the time zone differences. It was hard with him in DC, and that was only a three hour time difference. Switzerland is nine hours ahead of Seattle.

He drapes Meredith's feet over his lap so he can sit down next to her on the couch. Derek massages his thumbs into her feet, knowing how much she enjoys foot massages. Lately her feet have been sore and swollen, though she only complains about it when they're home. He knows she won't dare complain at work, because she doesn't want him hovering over her.

"You know, you don't have to sit here and watch us. You can do whatever you want. That's the other reason I'm here. Forget about the stupid competition. You deserve some time to yourselves. You can go out or go lay down or whatever, really," Maggie adds, her eyes twinkling with generosity.

Meredith raises her eyebrows, moving her feet in front of her. She leans her mouth against his ear. "Pool shopping," she mouths. Her grey-green eyes light with delight.

"Okay," he agrees, "but we can't stay out too long. You need to relax."

"I've been relaxing all morning," she quips.

He can't even argue with her, because she has.

* * *

They arrive at a pool shop called The Watermill at two o'clock. Meredith is immediately impressed with the array of pool and spa equipment inside the store. Pool shopping definitely isn't what she expected it to be. Then again, she had no idea what to expect. She never had a pool growing up. Hell, she never even got to go to the public pool when she was a kid. Kids were required to have an adult with them, and Ellis was always working.

Having a pool was never part of Meredith's dream, but neither was the house she lives in with her McDreamy and children.

She never dreamt much when she was growing up, and now she has everything that many people only dream about.

Talk about irony.

She wants the pool. Oh, yes. She desperately wants it. Meredith wants her children to have everything she never dreamt about and more.

"May I help you?" a store employee asks when they walk in.

"Well, we're looking to build a pool," Derek responds, his lips shaping into his usual cordial grin as he squeezes Meredith's hand.

"Well, you've come to the right place," the man says, smiling genuinely. "Now, what kind of pool are we talking? Above ground? In-ground? How big?"

"Ummm," Meredith meets Derek's gaze.

"We haven't put too much thought into it, I guess. We're just going to look around for now, is that okay?" Derek asks.

"That's fine, too. Let me know if you have questions," the employee replies.

Meredith's eyes wander around the spacious area, her eyes going straight to the hot tubs. "We should get a hot tub, too," she nudges Derek.

"You can't go in a hot tub when you're pregnant, though," Derek replies, concern wrinkling around his eyelids.

"I'm only going to be pregnant for like five more months," Meredith rolls her eyes. "And I'm _not_ doing this again," she adds quickly.

He frowns. "You don't want more?"

"No more are coming out of me," she retorts firmly, rubbing her son. "You're the last one, aren't you, … damn it, you need a name! He needs a name, Derek. I can't just call our son 'baby' or 'boy'. He needs an actual name! What about Nathaniel?"

"Zola, Bailey, and...Nathaniel? I don't think it fits, Mere," Derek says, sticking his hand in the hot tub water. "That does feel good," he admits. She plunges her hand in the water, too. Oh, how she would kill to actually be able to relax in a hot tub right now. It would certainly be relaxing.

She's supposed to relax, but she's forbidden doing relaxing things. Makes total sense, though she knows high blood pressure and hot tubs are also a recipe for disaster. Add pregnancy in the mix and she might as well explode.

"We could call him Nate," Meredith proposes. "Do you want to be called Nate, baby?" She rubs her belly, addressing her unborn son.

"No, Mommy, I don't!" Derek squeals. Meredith heaves a loud sigh.

"We're never going to agree on a name," she pouts.

He pats her shoulder. "Meredith, we will. I promise," he says, his voice tender. "We named Bailey, didn't we?" Derek chuckles.

"Hours after he was born," Meredith grunts, remembering that she'd almost died and her son was still nameless.

"You know," he says slowly, "Bailey and Zola both have gender-bender names. Maybe we could go with another gender-bender name? What about Quinn?"

"Quinn Grey Shepherd? Absolutely not," Meredith retorts. "I like Quinton, though."

"Quinton isn't a gender-bender name," Derek says.

"So? Who says it _has_ to be a gender-bender name?" Meredith says. "Zola was already named when we adopted her, and Bailey's first name is actually Derek, which isn't gender-bender. Maybe we should stick to naming our sons after people we know. It's not like we know too many people, anyway."

"Richard?" he asks.

Meredith immediately shakes her head. "I love Richard, don't get me wrong, but I don't want the kids to call my son Dick...or Dickie."

Derek laughs. "I'm surprised by that," he says, pressing his mouth against her ear, his warm breath warming her eardrum. "You like dicks."

She slaps his shoulder. "Derek!"

"What? It's true," he winks.

"No," she says then, in a whisper, adds, "I only like one." She winks back at him. Meredith realizes they've wandered into the sauna room. Derek's face is flushed, and his eyebrows wiggle. "Well, I can't go in a sauna, either," she frowns, sighing loudly as she rests her hand on her stomach. "But I wouldn't mind one. We can get a hot tub and a sauna."

"Why don't we just build a private country club?" Derek chuckles. "We can add a golf course, too."

"Golf is boring," she states.

"I wholeheartedly agree," Derek nods. "I've never been much of a golfer. I don't understand why so many doctors enjoy golfing."

"At least we can agree on something," Meredith smiles.

"I'd rather go fishing than golfing," he shrugs.

"I'd rather jump off a cliff than do either," she rolls her eyes.

"Batting golf balls off the hospital roof was stress relieving, though. Mark, Owen, and I used to do that sometimes."

That leads them into silence. Derek approaches one of the wooden sauna rooms and opens the door. He steps in.

"It's not on," he confirms, so Meredith steps in after him. He's right. Coolness brushes her skin as the door shuts after her, leaving them in darkness. Her eyes adjust quickly, though. Derek sits on the bench. She squeezes in beside him.

"We should get a sauna," she mumbles, her mind wandering. Her hand hovers over Derek's. A sauna room certainly would give them plenty of privacy. Privacy that they almost never have and desperately need at least sometimes. Privacy is what they'll be longing and aching for when they're the parents of three. "You know," she says in his ear. "We haven't crossed much off our list lately, and I'm only getting fatter and fatter by the second."

Derek laughs. "Are you serious?"

"Well, we do have _in a store_ on the list," Meredith shrugs. "This is a store, right?"

"I guess it is," he says. "But what if we get caught?"

"Isn't that part of the thrill?" she teases, uninfluenced by Derek's hesitance. He's always been the more conservative one in the relationship. She's happy to show him the meaning of adventure. Life is all about taking risks, and not just in the operating room. "You've got to leap, Derek," she murmurs. "Think of all the patients you've had with so-called inoperative brain tumors who would be dead now if you hadn't bothered taking a risk." She meets his eyes through the faintness of light. He looks enthralled and pallidly handsome through their dim surroundings.

She reaches for his hand, and their fingers tangle like vine. She delicately presses her lips against his auricle, swirling her tongue around the smooth notch of his pinna.

"Mmm," he elicits a low moan, shifting his body just slightly to have enough room to take her into his arms. He covers her mouth with his lips, kissing her with full passion. Her heart flutters, and she forgets entirely that they're sitting in an inoperative sauna at a pool shop. Everything outside of their little box has faded to gray, and the spotlight is on them. This moment is theirs.

Derek leaves her hanging when he abruptly breaks their kiss, and she thinks he's about to bail when he stands and reaches for the door.

Instead he moves the wood piece over the door, locking them in.

"Just to be safe," he smirks, turning back to her, swiftly returning to the bench, where he wraps his arms around her. He pulls her over his lap, balancing her on his knee, their unborn son safely in the center of them. She yelps, and he quickly puts his finger over her lips. "Shh, you _have_ to be quiet."

She giggles. "I can be quiet," she says, seducing her way to his belt buckle. She unfastens his belt and works her fingers into his waistband. He sighs, and her eyes indulge in the smile that comes across his face before he leans in to kiss her neck. She loves when he kisses her neck, and he knows it. He knows all her pleasure points, and just as she knows his.

She moans into his shoulder as he discards her sweats, only underwear separating them now. She feels his arousal pulsating against her thigh, knowing they don't have much time to waste because who knows when the employee who greeted them will come looking for them. She kisses the nape of his Adam's apple, stroking her thumb around the cartilage.

His hand slips into her panties. A shiver bolts down her spine when he strokes her most sensitive skin. "You're already ready, I see," he wiggles his eyebrows, when he plunges his fingers into her damp warmth.

"So are you," she whispers, pointing at his bulge, before stroking the outside of his briefs. She feels his thigh muscles tensing below her.

They waste no time. Meredith positions herself on top of him, knowing she has to take the lead, since it's the only way they can make this work in such a tiny place, with her swollen stomach. She balances herself accordingly, using his strong shoulders for support as she inserts him inside her.

Her heart hammers as her rhythmic movements begin, though she tries to stay slow and steady. Too fast and they'll make too much noise. Or worse, break the bench. She wonders if this place has a _You break it, you buy it_ , policy.

Derek's hands wander to all the right places, beginning with the cupping of her swollen breasts, which are still covered by her shirt and bra. He slips his hands under her shirt, where he stops to greet their son, who's been calm today after his spurt of energy last night. Derek's hands quickly shift under her bra, kissing her collarbone. She moves slower and slower, her head buzzing out of control. The world is spinning. She's spinning into oblivion.

She reaches her climax in under two minutes. If she and Derek have mastered anything, it's the art of the quickie. Derek hasn't finished when she collapses beside him.

"You can finish me off later," he murmurs in her ear.

"Of course I will," she raises her eyebrows with promise.

She's on such a high; she's nearly oblivious to the voice on the outside of the not-working sauna.

"Hello? Is anywhere in there?" If it weren't for the abrupt pounding on the door, frightening her to almost fall off the bench, she would have never noticed him there.

 _Crap_ , she thinks, looking at Derek, who rapidly pulls on his pants and tosses hers to her. They abruptly redress, making themselves presentable for the public.

"My hair?" she mouths before they open the door. Her legs wobble when she stands up. She feels like jello.

"Hello? Is anyone in there?" the man outside repeats..

"Beautiful," Derek winks. "I did my job right, I'd say." Meredith feels her cheeks warming as Derek unlocks the door and pushes it open, revealing the man who had greeted them when they'd walked in. "Hi, sorry, my wife and I were just looking in here," Derek's lips stretch into a bright, professional smile. "I think we're ready to discuss our plans. We want an in-ground pool, right, Meredith?"

Meredith shrugs. "I don't care, honestly. I just want somewhere sanitary to teach our children to swim." Her hand lingers to her swollen belly.

"When are you due?" the salesman asks, apparently recognizing Meredith's statement as a cue that she was in fact pregnant and not just fat.

"September," Derek answers for her, smiling proudly.

"That's not too far away, but I bet it feels like an eternity. I know when my wife was pregnant with our daughter it felt like she was pregnant for ten years, at least. Is this your first?"

"Third," Meredith and Derek say at the same time.

"Oh, so you know the drill, then!" the man smiles. "Anyway, I would be happy to discuss our pool plan options with you. We try to customize our pools to best fit your needs."

"Do you think we'll be able to have it up and running by the beginning of summer?" Derek asks.

"I think if we start planning now, that's definitely possible. Of course, we'll need to check that your land meets zoning regulations, and you have enough space," the man explains.

"I don't think space will be an issue," Derek says confidently, and Meredith already finds herself bored to the bone. She decides to leave Project Pool Design to her husband. Derek is deeply engrossed in his conversation with the pool salesman, so he doesn't even flinch when she wanders off.

She's sweating to death, so she steps outside to get some fresh air. Meredith decides it's also the perfect time to check in at the hospital, since Derek is too busy talking pools to care if she's thinking or talking about work. She texted Alex earlier and told him to update her when he got a chance, but he still hasn't replied.

She calls Alex once. When he doesn't answer, she calls Amelia. Amelia doesn't answer, either, so she calls Alex again. When Alex doesn't answer, she calls Amelia one more time.

"Yes, Meredith?" Amelia's voice is curt. Meredith doesn't like her tone.

"I was just calling to check up on Peter and Priya," Meredith says, sighing loudly, realizing exactly what's going on here. Her husband isn't the only one bubble wrapping her.

"Didn't Derek tell you?"

"What? Derek didn't tell me anything," Meredith frowns, not surprised that Derek has neglected to update her on her patients.

"Peter and Priya woke up last night, and they're doing well. I came in last night for a few minutes before I brought the kids home. I told Derek last night before I went to bed. I assumed that he told you," Amelia informs.

"You came in last night, _with my kids_? Please tell me that you didn't take them back to the ICU with you…"

"Of course not! Edwards watched them," Amelia replies.

"Edwards?! You left my children with _Edwards_?"

"It was like five minutes. The kids seemed to like her, especially Zola," Amelia says.

"You've got to be kidding me. My kids love a lot of things they shouldn't be exposed to!" Meredith snipes. "When my kids are with you, Amelia, I expect _you_ to be watching them, not an immature, bratty resident."

"Meredith, I don't know why you're freaking out. Calm down, seriously. The kids are fine…"

"That's beside the point!" Meredith cries. "For the record, Maggie is in the lead for best aunt!" Meredith hollers into the phone and ends the call.

She's shaking. Cold sweat drips down her forehead. She knows it was stupid to freak out at Amelia, but what can she say? Stephanie Edwards is quite possibly one of the most annoying residents she's ever worked with at Grey Sloan, next to Leah Murphy, who fortunately was canned from the program last year. Residents are not what they used to be. Each class seems to get dumber and dumber. She doesn't want residents babysitting her children. Most of the time Meredith feels like she's babysitting residents. Residents can't babysit if they need babysitting themselves, right?

Meredith stumbles back inside, to find Derek still talking to the salesman. Derek seems to notice her return no more than he noticed her departure.

"So, how's Friday morning work? The sooner we start, the better chances we have the pool ready to go by June," the salesman proposes.

"Friday morning is perfect. I can definitely arrange to be home," Derek smiles.

"That sounds perfect," the man says. "I'll just need you to fill out some paperwork."

While Derek is filling out paperwork, Meredith wanders outside again. She decides to call Maggie this time, to check in on the kids.

"Meredith!" Maggie sounds almost relieved on the other line.

"Hey, I hope the kids aren't being too much trouble," Meredith says, knowing how her kids can be sometimes. She hears static on the other line.

"Oh, the kids are great!" Maggie's voice comes through, though it's muffled. "It's just...I was about to call you."

"Where are you? I can barely hear you!" Meredith says, unintentionally raising her own voice.

"We're on the ferry," Maggie answers.

"You're on the ferry? Why?" She can't imagine why Maggie would take the kids out without calling her or Derek first.

"I got paged into work," Maggie explains.

"And you're taking the kids with you?"

"Of course! I wasn't going to leave them home alone," Maggie replies.

"Mommy, Mommy!" Meredith hears distant-sounding voice in the background on the other line.

"Is that Zola?" Meredith asks.

"Yes, she's right here. They're both right here. Zola wants to say hi," Maggie says.

"Hi, Mommy!" Zola's voice breaks through the static.

"Hi, sweetheart. Have you and your brother been good for Aunt Maggie?"

"Yes, Mommy! But I hungwy. Auntie Maggie no feeded us, and I hungwy now," Zola whines. There's more fussing audible in the background, which Meredith recognizes is coming from her son.

"I'm sorry, I was going to feed them, but I wasn't planned on being paged since I'm not on call, but it's an important patient…"

"It's not Peter, is it?!"

"No, no, it's not Peter," Maggie assures. "I can take the kids to daycare."

"No daycare!" Meredith hears Zola shriek in the background.

"NOOOO!" She hears her son's voice. She can tell he's full-fledged bawling. Meredith pictures a chaotic scene with Maggie and the children on the ferry, and her heart shatters.

"I'll let Derek know, and we'll meet you at the hospital," Meredith says, just as a hand brushes against her shoulder. She looks back, seeing that Derek is standing behind her. She immediately ends the call with Maggie and the kids.

"What's wrong?" He's grimacing. "You should have told me you were coming outside. I looked everywhere for you, even in the saunas."

"Sorry, Maggie got paged, and she's on the ferry with the kids. They're both hungry, and you know how fussy they get when they're hungry. I told Maggie we'd meet them at the hospital," Meredith explains.

"Ah," he nods. They start walking toward the car.

"You didn't tell me that your sister let Stephanie Edwards watch our children last night," she confronts her husband then.

"She what? Amy didn't tell me that," Derek raises his eyebrow.

"Oh, don't play dumb. She told me she told you Priya and Peter were awake, something else you neglected to inform me."

"She did tell me that, but she didn't tell me that she left the kids with Edwards," Derek says.

Meredith scoffs. "And _why_ didn't you tell me? I've been worried sick all day, and no one has been answering my freaking texts because they're all bubble wrapping me like you, and you know how I hate to be bubble wrapped."

"I'm sorry, it slipped my mind," he says. "It was late when she told me," he tries to offer an excuse.

"And you and Alex and Amelia want to bubble wrap me from my work. You think that if you can distract me from work, I won't think about it. _Newsflash:_ I'm _always_ thinking about work, even if I'm not talking about it, and it's not up to you to bubble wrap me. I don't need to be bubble wrapped," she says firmly. They exchange a long look. Derek's pupils are dilated, and she senses he wants to yell at her, but he's biting his tongue because he doesn't want to upset her more. She knows her husband too well, so she just sighs, dropping the conversation, "So the pool people are coming to our house on Friday morning? I think I overheard you saying that."

He nods. "Yes, they want to confirm that our land meets regulations, and we'll go from there." She nods in approval. They approach the car, and Derek opens the passenger door for her. Meredith is quick to get in. He takes the driver's seat. "So," he says, shifting the car into reverse. "I was thinking, maybe we should take the kids out for dinner? A family night?"

"That sounds like fun," she agrees. "The kids would like that."

"Of course, only if you're up to it. If you're tired…"

"Derek, I'm not tired," she cuts him off, a sharp roll of confidence in her tone. "We'll go somewhere where I can sit. Nothing crazy." She becomes cognizant of the empty hole in her own stomach. It bellows. Then she feels a flutter that's separate from the gurgles for food.

All three of her children are hungry.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: So we're rolling in the fluff, and if you know me, you know I can only tolerate so much fluff. I love fluff, but in moderation. Same with angst, of course. Everything is good in moderation, right? We all need the happy chapters to re-read when the angst comes, and we need angst or the story gets boring. ;)**


	13. Chapter 12

**Irene's A/N: We know it's a Monday, but yesterday was a racing day and it kept me busy the entire afternoon. We hope a longer chapter will make up for that. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

* * *

The only reason Meredith is still seated solely resides on the steak part of the name of the place they have picked: Outback Steakhouse.

She looks around the restaurant where many other families are having dinner, the cacophony of silverware clattering, shrieking children and the hum of conversations almost giving her a headache. The place looks nice, including the Australian-themed paraphernalia littering the walls and the tables, but the kids seem to be having the time of their lives sitting next to a giant kangaroo.

Also, Derek promised her steak, and she wasn't backing down, even if he brought her in a seedy place where she would have questioned if they clean the tables or not. Baby really, _really_ wants steak, the rest can wait.

"This is ironic, you know?" she grins, fiddling with the wide menu, looking up at her husband with a smirk.

Derek looks puzzled. "What?"

"Are you trying to convince me to move to Australia?" she says, gesturing with her hands to the decorations around them, a smirk still planted on her lips.

Derek chuckles. "Oh, you're funny," he grins with a McDreamy look, shaking his head, ignoring her jab to focus on their kids.

Bailey and Zola are huddled around Derek, their necks craned to look at the pictures on the menu, asking their father to read all the lines for them. Derek complies with a wide smile, stopping at each line to describe the dish.

"Oh, Daddy, a burger!" Zola squeals, finally grinning in excitement after her grimaces during the salad section. "With fries!"

"Sweetie, they don't have the special fries in the kids' menu," he says, a tight-lipped smile on his face. "See? Only regular fries."

"We can order them on the side," Meredith whispers, "I have two sides with my steak, she can take some of mine." Derek shakes his head at her proposal.

"Daddy, but...I want no cheesy burger. I want this!" Zola protests, pointing to a picture on the other side of the page.

"The one with bacon and onions?"

"Yes!" she grins.

"It's from the regular menu, the burger is going to be big," he warns.

"Oh, the hole in my belly is big. There's room for aaaaall the bacon and onions, Daddy," Zola grins, practically licking her lips in anticipation.

"Der, we'll get a doggy bag if she doesn't finish it. Order it," Meredith whispers again. "Regular fries though, the others are too much."

"So, medium steak for you, burger and fries for the lady," Derek lists, writing it up on his paper placemat with a random pen he found in her bag. "What about Bailey?"

"Chweesy bug!"

"Cheeseburger it is," Derek smiles. "You get the kiddy one, and no complaints."

"Brocs!"

"That's right, there are broccoli on the side, too; is that okay?" Bailey is practically salivating. "You don't get any fries if you pick the broccoli."

"Broca!" Bailey squeals eagerly, and Meredith giggles, shaking her head. Her son is the very first kid she has met that adores broccoli. And cauliflower. He scarfs down entire plates of them whenever she puts them on the table, and everybody is always surprised by how easily he eats his veggies. It is definitely a Dereky gene, she can put down money on it.

Zola is a little more difficult, a little more picky, but she always eats what is on her plate; if she doesn't, she at least tries some. They have a rule in the house that unless a certain food makes you physically gag or gives you an allergic reaction, you have to try it. Derek suggested this method when they started introducing solids to Zola, and it worked like a charm. Meredith herself is surprised by how much more varied her diet has become since they had to reinvent the menu for every meal. She's only grateful it's Derek who usually bothers with introducing new ingredients. By now she knows how to cook basic meals, but reinventing recipes is truly beyond her abilities.

"Cheesecake for dessert?" Derek's voice interrupts her thoughts, and she smiles at him, nodding eagerly. "Raspberry or chocolate?"

"Both?" she whines, giggling.

"I'll take the raspberry, you'll get the chocolate," he laughs. "We'll share it with the kids if they're still hungry or eat them tomorrow at home."

"Daddy, I wants Butterfingers for dessert!" Zola interjects, grinning brightly.

"Zola, you won't be hungry after the big burger you ordered. We'll share some of my cheesecake if there's still room in your belly, okay?"

Zola pouts. "But Butterfingers are yummy yummy."

"What do you mean with Butterfingers, Zo? The candy bar?" Meredith frowns. When did she ever eat the stuff in the first place is beyond her knowledge. Maybe she saw a commercial?

"Yes!" Zola nods eagerly. "It gots penut butter and yummy chocl'te. Steponmee gotted us it! I cutted it in half and shared with Bailey," she grins, then leans closer to Derek and loudly whispers in his ear: "I got the biggerst half!"

Meredith takes a second to process the sentence, then her eyes widen. "Stephanie Edwards gave you a Butterfinger bar?" she asks, her voice raising an octave. "Last night?"

Zola hums in agreement. "Auntie Amy had to talk to people so she lefted us with the nice girl with super duper curly hair! She gots her skin like me, Mommy!"

Meredith rolls her eyes, trying not to snap at her innocent daughter. She has to have a word with Edwards about giving candy to her kids without her permission. Or she could send her the dentist bill as soon as they have cavities, that could be even more interesting...

"Edwards is not babysitting them ever again. I think it's safer to leave them alone in the middle of the surgical floor," Derek grumbles, shaking his head, then mutters under his breath, "Candy bars!"

Meredith smiles at his reaction, his mood shifting quickly. She gets lost for a second in his twinkling blue eyes when Zola points at something else on the menu, a smile appearing on his face in all its glory. The way the kids are still huddled around him quickly makes her forget all about candy bars and incompetent babysitters, evening out her blood pressure. It looks a lot like the scene she sees every night when he reads them a bedtime story, only with a menu. Right in this second, she can clearly picture a third baby snuggled up against Derek's chest, and her heart flutters.

She gets distracted by the waitress coming to their table with her notepad and her cheesy smile, looking frazzled and a little breathless. The poor girl has probably been running around for hours in the packed restaurant; she remembers her short waitressing days, selling overpriced cigarettes and drinks to the drunk people coming into the dump of a bar she worked back in Boston.

Derek orders for the family, dazzling the young woman so much that Meredith peers at the order ticket from over her shoulder to check what she has written down. Luckily, every item is listed there, McDreamy-ed or not. For good measure, before the girl leaves, she gives her a pointed glare, then pulls Derek close and firmly kisses him. She doesn't care for a second that she's being territorial. Derek is _her_ McDreamy.

"Eww, cooties!" Zola grimaces, covering her eyes with one hand, and Bailey's with the other. Bailey echoes her exclamation before bursting into giggles. Derek's eyes are twinkling when he pulls away, and he looks a little dazed.

"Mommies and daddies don't get cooties when they kiss each other, don't worry," he says, tickling her side so that she's forced to move her hands. He tickles Bailey for good measure too, and their son squeals in delight.

Her eyes fall on a clock near the bar counter, wishing that their meal will come quickly. When she spots the date next to the hour though her heart leaps in her chest.

"Derek!" she yelps, her eyes widening. "Oh my God!"

"What is it?" he asks, a hint of panic in his tone.

"Bailey's B-I-R-T-Hday is in two weeks. Two weeks!"

"Oh, _snap_ , you're right," he says, his eyes wide when he checks his own watch, his frown confirming her suspicions. She wishes she had read the clock wrong.

"What are we going to do!?" she blurts, her chest suddenly feeling tighter.

"First, you're going to breathe and relax, then we are going to figure this out."

"It's not that easy!" she snaps. "I forgot! We -"

"We didn't. We're a little late in the timeline, but we're always rushing around," he sighs, smiling gently as he takes her hand. "We haven't forgotten."

Meredith stares at her little boy happily playing with his fork and giggling with Zola, untouched by her worries. She can see him getting older, his hair getting longer, his baby features disappearing the more he grows. And she almost let him down in the worst possible way.

She's not going to be able to do this for a third time. She's going to become a screw up of a mother, bent and stretched in way too many directions.

"Meredith," echoes in her ears, and her eyes snap up to meet Derek's. His hand squeezes hers again from across the table. "There's time. He doesn't need much."

"I know, I just…"

"Breathe," he hums, smiling softly, his thumb drawing circles on her hand. "We only need a cake and a few decorations, we'll invite a bunch of his friends from daycare, our friends, Sofia for Zola, then we're good to go."

"Your mom can't come in two weeks. Cristina can't come in two weeks. We need time off, we -"

"Oh, Meredith," he hums, smiling. "Mom told me that she'd be happy to come for his birthday, but Nicholas - Nancy's son - is graduating the day after. She said we can celebrate one of his birthdays at her house in the future to make up for it."

"He won't be offended, right? He won't miss his Nana or -"

"Bailey will have a blast," he grins. "I'll make sure of it."

"Just...no more rainbows, Derek. For my sanity."

Derek laughs loudly, unable to stay still in his seat, and she lets out a smile at the memory.

"Daddy, are you and Mommy whispering funny secrets about grown up stuff?" Zola frowns, concerned to be left out of the fun.

"No, just reminiscing about the past," he grins, chuckling one last time before he's fully recovered.

Meredith is only glad they can laugh about the incident at Zola's birthday. Her hand falls over her stomach, slowly rubbing the curve as the baby nudges her.

"My tummy is growling for a burger," Zola sighs, putting her elbows on the table and resting her cheeks over her balled fist, pouting. Her cheeks puff out like a chipmunk, and Meredith teasingly pokes her. Zola huffs out a reluctant giggle.

"Mommy is hungry too, we just need to be a little more patient."

"But I'm bored!"

"What about we play a game?" Derek grins smugly, as if he had found the solution to all their problems. Meredith gives him a look. Of course the man is too confident for his own good.

"What game?" Zola perks up, and Bailey stops playing with his fork as well, watching his father in expectation.

Derek slides out his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans, taking out a folded piece of paper. He makes a show out of opening it, and the kids are practically bouncing in their seats in excitement. She has to admit, part of her is feeling the same curiosity burn.

"Ta da!" he exclaims, turning the page towards them. "It's a quiz!"

Meredith's eyes widen when she reads the title of the computer-printed page he's holding like a herald. No way he wants to do this here, now, with the kids.

"What's a quiz, Daddy?"

"It's a series of questions, only...this is a special quiz. One that only Mommy and Daddy have taken so far. It helps them get to know each other better."

Zola rolls her eyes. "You know Mama, you do _everything_ together!"

Meredith laughs, as Derek chuckles. "You bet I don't know what Mommy would answer to this question?" he teases, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I don't believe you!" Zola giggles, staring at her father in awe. Meredith loves that look she gives him sometimes, when they're just so taken with one another that the entire world falls away. It reminds her of the first time she really saw them together, swaying to a tune only he knew, their smiles equally wide.

"Hm, let's see...Mommy, would you like to be famous? In what way?" he asks, his smile softening, his eyes sparkling. "I don't know, do you think Mommy wants to be famous?"

"Mommy _is_ famous, Daddy! She saves lives, she has to be famous!" Zola beams. "And when we go eat together down in the big room all the people say hi. She's famous."

Meredith laughs loudly at Derek's surprised expression, before it morphs into a chuckle.

"No, famous people are people on TV, people whose name everybody knows, even in Australia."

"So ET is famous?"

Derek chortles. "Yes, ET is famous."

"What about the little girl who gots a prince for a Daddy? Is she famous?"

"She is. She's an actress."

"Oh, I wanna be an actress, Daddy!" Zola beams, "I wanna be famous!"

Derek laughs. "What about you, Bailey; do you want to be famous?"

"Catess!" he grins too. "Like Zo!"

It's Meredith's turn to laugh. "You want to be an actor?"

"No. Like Zo," he frowns. "An' go vroom vroom."

"You want to be an actress who drives cars?" Derek asks, amusement shining in his eyes.

Bailey nods eagerly. "Vroom vroom!"

"He can't be an actress," Zola argues, folding her arms in front of her and glaring at Bailey. "He's a boy. Boys are actors."

"I penis!" Bailey squeals, turning a few faces towards them.

Meredith can't help but giggle, especially when she sees Derek turning tomato red and smiling apologetically at the woman glaring at him from the table next to them.

"Yes, Bailey, you have a penis, so you're a boy. And Zola is right, boys are actors, not actresses," she calmly explains, as Bailey grins brightly for getting the question right.

"I vroom vroom?" he frowns, all of a sudden.

Derek smirks then. "Of course you can be an actor and race cars," he reassures, winking at Meredith. It's her turn to blush. "Speaking of movies, you know, I googled the movie I was talking about last night," he hums, his smile sobering at the mere mention of the conversation. "The actress playing Bertie, Ellen Pompeo, reminds me of you."

"Oh, I -"

"You're more beautiful, Mere," he replies, dashing her with a smile. "And you're mine, I don't need to share you with anyone. Unless he grows inside of you."

Meredith shakes her head at his cheesiness, though she can feel herself blush. She knows changing the subject is wise, now. "Would you like to be famous? I mean, more famous than you are now," she mumbles under her breath, but he still hears her.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that your face is on the cover of magazines and Obama personally called you for a project. You're already famous."

"Oh, I'm…" his eyes are sad when he starts stuttering, and she chastises herself for bringing that up.

"Never mind, Derek. Would you like to be famous?"

"I don't know," he replies honestly, a smile reappearing on his face. "If I had to pick a famous person to be though, I'd want to be a sportsman. Hockey player or baseball player, I think."

"I still can't see you playing hockey."

"I'll show you," he grins, wiggling his eyebrows. "I'm very good with sticks."

"Derek!" she yelps, and wins another dirty look from their noisy momish neighbor. Derek merely gives her a smoldering, bashful look.

"What about you, any desire for limelight?"

"Honestly, I would like to make a difference, more than being famous. I'd like to be famous for something I accomplished, something I created or crafted, not just because I have a great as...aspect," she says, catching her tongue just in time.

"You do have a great aspect, though," he winks again, and she rolls her eyes at him.

"You're paying for their therapy, Derek," she uses as a warning, but it only makes him laugh harder. The kids seem amused by the fact that she's glaring at him while he cackles in his seat.

"Okay, next question!" she interrupts, though she smiles softly at him. He looks so handsome when he laughs that sometimes she can forgive him a little too much.

"Alright," he says, chuckling one last time as he smooths down the paper. "Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?" he reads, frowning a little.

"You do that," she smirks, her turn to tease him. "You so do that."

"What?"

"Especially if it's bad news. Why do you do it?"

Derek opens his mouth, and she knows he's ready to deny it, but he backtracks. "I want to be understood. If I have a point, the receiver of the call needs to understand what I'm talking about."

"You're good with your words, Derek."

"It's because I think about them," he smirks, teasing her once again.

She rolls her eyes. "I like to be spontaneous."

"Oh, I know all about your spontaneity," he grins, a tell in his sparkling eyes.

"My gosh, you can dirty everything up today," she huffs, faking annoyance, before they both chuckle.

"I don't like this question," Zola complains, pouting. Bailey seems lost in his little world again.

"Okay, question suitable for children?" she asks, giving him a poignant look.

Derek scans the page at her request. "Oh!" he grins. "If we skip number four, number five is good."

"We _can_ skip questions, right?" Meredith wonders.

"We'll get back to it later, don't worry. I'll mark it to-do," he smiles, rummaging in her bag to look for a pen again. Of course he has no qualms sifting through her stuff, she sighs, rolling her eyes.

"I surely have one in the zipped pocket," she directs him. Her reward is a grateful smile when the pen appears from the depths of her tote.

"Are you all ready?" he says, his voice changing pitch a little, somehow becoming deeper, holding up everybody's attention again. "The question is…"

"Daddy!" Zola squeals, followed by another impatient "Dada!" coming from Bailey.

"When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?" he reads quickly, and Derek is almost breathless at the end.

"Mommy singed to me last night!" Zola grins. "Gotcha, Mama!"

Meredith's cheeks heat up for a second. "I did sing to the kids a couple of nights ago, yes," she admits.

"Itty bitty pa!" Bailey smirks, throwing up his hands in the air.

"Yes, the Itsy Bitsy Spider," she agrees, her cheeks now burning as Derek keeps smirking, arms folded against his chest.

"Daddy singed Rock the Cashba with me in the car!" Zola grins again, and it's Derek's turn to become crimson.

"So, I can't sing kids' songs but you belt out The Clash's songs while you take them to daycare?"

Derek clears his throat. "Sometimes?"

"What else do you sing with Daddy?" Meredith asks Zola, biting her lip to keep herself from laughing.

"Single Ladies! We dance together, too!" she exclaims, though she covers her mouth quickly, her eyes wide. "Sorry, Daddy, that was s'posed to be our secret!"

"So much for secrets," he mumbles, chuckling awkwardly.

"Wow," Meredith giggles, shaking her head. "I can't believe I missed all of your Beyoncé dance parties."

"I always make sure you're not home," he mutters, taking a deep breath.

"Daddy dances so silly! He makes me laugh lots!"

"Dada illy!" Bailey parrots, nodding his head.

"Oh, you've seen him dance too?" Meredith grins, Bailey agreeing eagerly. "I need to install cameras to catch you three dancing," she hums, making Derek turn even redder.

"Mere, -"

"It's the cutest thing I've heard you do for a while. Seriously, I want to see."

"You can't laugh," he warns, though he's finally smiling away his embarrassment.

"I promise I'll try," she grins, biting her lip already to restrain herself.

"Meredith, -"

"You are a decent singer, Derek. I won't mock you about that."

He rolls his eyes, though he chuckles. "It's the dancing that worries me."

"You can't be worse than Ronnie Miller, I promise you."

Meredith can see the relief spreading on his features when their dinner is delivered and they have to postpone the quiz.

* * *

An hour later, Derek is stuffed. Behind his driver's seat, Bailey is already conked out from a full tummy, and Zola has her hand resting on her belly, much like her mother does in the passenger's seat next to him. Between their seats are their to-go boxes. They're all set for dinner tomorrow.

"Mama, I think I'm having a baby, too!" Zola blurts.

A smile spreads across Meredith's face. "Are you, now?"

"Yes, my belly is getting _big_!" Zola says loudly. Through the mirror, Derek sees her arms stretching to her sides, to show them just how big her belly is getting.

He and Meredith chuckle together.

"You're just full, sweetie. You ate too much food," Meredith explains.

"Is that how you feel all the time? Like you eated too much food?" Zola's curiosity blooms. Derek smiles at his daughter's inquisitiveness, and he's a little bummed that he can't help Meredith answer this question, because he doesn't know nor will he ever know what it feels like to carry a baby inside his belly.

He sees Meredith smile in the corner of his eyes. "Not exactly," she replies.

"When what do it feel like to have a baby inside your belly?" is Zola's next question.

"Well," Meredith says, elongating the word and pausing for a second to think. "It feels like you have to pee _all_ the time, and I'm _always_ hungry. Then sometimes, when your brother is kicking, I feel like I'm being hit with a hammer from the inside out."

"Owie!" Zola gasps. "But you can't be hungry _now_ , you just eated, and you isn't peeing."

"Oh, but I bet I'll eat the leftovers before I go to bed," Meredith giggles. "And I'm going _straight_ to the bathroom as soon as we get home."

"But you can't eat _my_ lefty-overs, Mama!" Zola protests.

"I won't, Zo," Meredith laughs. "I promise."

"You can have mine if you want," Derek offers, knowing Meredith didn't leave behind much more than a bite or two. Her eyes light up. He extends his hand to take hers, giving it a gentle squeeze as he pulls the car into the driveway.

Meredith, as she said she would, makes a mad dash directly to the bathroom when they enter the house. Derek puts the leftovers away while Zola and Bailey plop on the couch. Zola reaches for Meredith's iPad.

"Daddy, can we call Nana?" she asks. It's been a couple weeks since they've video chatted with his mother. He did speak with her a few days ago, when they'd discussed Bailey's birthday and Nicholas's graduation. He'd forgotten to mention the conversation to Meredith, though. His mother had been the one to bring up Bailey's birthday. Derek is ashamed that his mother remembered before him.

He can't wait to tell his mother that her grandson to granddaughter ratio is increasing. She'll be thrilled to hear she's going to have a seventh grandson.

Meredith enters the living room before he can answer Zola's request.

"What's going on?" Meredith asks, sitting in between the two children. She's not wearing any make-up, but her cheeks glow. She looks ethereal.

Bailey lays his head across Meredith's lap, resting his back against the couch. His eyes peer at the swell of his mother's belly. Zola hands Meredith the iPad.

"Call Nana!" Zola orders.

Meredith cocks her head at Derek, who's still standing in the kitchen. "Do you think your mom would be up for talking?" Meredith asks. He glances at the clock. It's about seven o'clock, which means it's ten o'clock on the East coast. His mother was always a night owl, so he figures she's still awake.

"Let me call her, and we'll see if she can Skype the kids," he smiles, adding quickly, "We need to tell her about the baby, that he's a he." Meredith responds with a closed-mouth smile and a nod, but she doesn't reply verbally.

His mother is delighted to Skype with them. In fact, seconds after he has her on the phone, his mother's face is lighting up the iPad as initiates the has positioned a kid on each side of her, the iPad propped on her belly, and Derek stands directly in back of Meredith behind the couch.

"Nana!" Zola screams at the top of her lungs when she first sees her grandmother on the iPad.

Bailey parrots his sister, "Nana!"

"My, oh, my, look at how big you're getting." He sees his mother's eyes widen.

"We're all getting big, aren't we?" Meredith blushes, looking back and forth between their two children and then ahead at their third, who is not visible for his mother.

"Mama's belly is getting HUGE!" Zola reaffirms.

"I'll take your word for it, since I can't see it," Carolyn chuckles, a spark evident in her eyes.

"That's because my belly makes the perfect iPad stand now." Meredith giggles softly.

"Here," Derek says, extending his arms to take the iPad off Meredith's belly.

"What are you doing?" she shrieks, putting her hands on the iPad too, surely shaking up the screen for his mother.

"Well, Ma can only see your belly if someone else holds the iPad," Derek smiles.

"Oh, you're kidding me. I am _not_ your pregnant model," Meredith argues, gripping the iPad firmly.

"Come on, Mere, I just want Ma to see how gorgeous pregnancy looks on my wife," Derek says, flashing her a bright smile. She looks beautiful when she's being argumentative, too.

"Derek, if she doesn't want me to see, that's fine. No need to be pushy," his mother's warning tone comes through.

"Pushy?" Derek gasps. "I'm not being pushy, am I, Mere?" He frowns, eying Meredith. She exhales grumpily.

"No, you're just being your normal self," she quips, though he's not sure what that means.

* * *

Leave it to Derek to volunteer her for stuff she doesn't want to do. She knows he has good intentions, but still, she thinks the whole ordeal is silly.

"It's not like your mother hasn't seen a pregnant woman before," she tells Derek.

"True. But she's never seen _you_ pregnant before," he shrugs. She sighs, thinking that once you've seen one pregnant woman, you've seen them all, but she decides to relent then.

She hands her husband the iPad. "Here." Then she stands up and takes a few steps back away from the iPad, allowing his mother a full view of her bump.

"Mommy is _bootiful_!" Zola exclaims.

" _Booty-ful!"_ Bailey echoes, clapping his hands and giggling. Meredith feels her cheeks warming as she steps forward and snatches the iPad from his hands, returning to her seat between the children.

"You look great, Meredith. Pregnancy looks good on you," Carolyn assures her.

"Are you feeling better? You're in the middle of the second trimester, so I'm hoping the nausea has quelled."

"It has," Meredith says. "Your mints were a godsend during the first trimester. Now I just get queasy around foods with tomato in it, specifically pizza. I think it's because that's what first made me throw up."

"It might be," Derek's mother admits. "When I was about five weeks pregnant with Derek and Lizzie, I threw up eggs. I couldn't eat eggs for the remainder of my pregnancy _or_ for the next two years. Even the scent of eggs made me nauseous, and I love eggs! Fortunately, my body stopped rejecting them eventually. It did take time."

Meredith groans, begrudgingly disappointed, since she really does - did - love pizza. She's reminded of the time when she threw up eating chocolate chip cookies as a kid and didn't eat chocolate for at least three years. Now she can't believe she survived three chocolate-less years. "So you're telling me it might be a while before I can eat pizza again." She gives Bailey and Zola an apologetic look. "Sorry, kids."

Zola rests her chin on Meredith's slender shoulder. "It okay, Mama. Auntie Amy still woves pizza! We eats it with her." Meredith feels better knowing that her kids don't have to go pizza-less just because she can't stomach to inhale its scent now.

"So, remind me, when are you due again?" Carolyn asks.

"September 21st," Meredith sighs, recollecting the date firmly in her mind. Considering it's barely May, September feels like forever away, though she knows the months would fly by, and they still have _so_ much to do to prepare for baby number three. She still hasn't fully digested that they're going to be welcoming a third addition to their family, _and_ that the children will soon outnumber the adults.

"Bailey was three weeks early, though," Derek reminds her that they probably have even less time to plan than she initially thought. She cocks her head, meeting Derek's gaze down on her and the kids. His eyes sparkle and a cheerful smile spreads across his face. "This little man might be, too."

Carolyn Shepherd practically squeals like a little kid. "Oh, it's a _boy_ , is it? Am I getting another grandson?"

Meredith smiles, too, looking back to the iPad. Derek's mother is beaming through the screen. "Yes, we just found out yesterday. We're having another boy!"

"Oh, that's wonderful to hear. Little boys are so much fun. I only had one, you know, so to hear there's a chance that the gender ratio might actually even out with my grandchildren is exciting to hear! You know, I've always imagined Amelia having boys…"

Derek chuckles. "Well, I don't see Amy having kids anytime soon, if ever. She runs every time the guy takes out a ring."

Meredith slaps Derek's knuckles; his hand has been gripping the head of the couch behind her and the kids.

"What?" he frowns.

"So she has commitment issues. I had them. She just needs a guy to chase her. Obviously he's not the right guy if he doesn't chase her," Meredith shrugs.

"Oh, I definitely did my share of chasing," he smirks.

"If I remember right, though, I had to chase _you_ when you wanted to propose," she throws back, her memory falling back to the time he'd hit her engagement ring into the woods. _The engagement ring his mother had given him._ She bites her lip, not knowing if Derek had ever told her about that. He'd found the ring, so it's not like it mattered, though she never wears it. She can't wear jewelry in the OR! He's never said anything about her lack of wearing rings, because they never did get wedding rings to wear. They don't need rings to show their affection for one another.

"Hmm, this sounds like an interesting story. Do tell. I'll grab popcorn," Carolyn giggles through the iPad.

"Tell, tell, tell!" Both kids chant.

Meredith feels her cheeks warming, and she looks up at Derek, hoping for him to save the day.

"Well, there's really not a whole lot to tell," Derek shrugs. "But, if you insist." He reaches his arms out and scoops up Bailey, then slides beside Meredith. "Your nana had given me a _very_ special ring to propose to Mommy with. She said, 'She's the one, Derek. You have to marry her.' But Daddy was very, very scared. He was afraid she would say no…"

"Why would Mommy say no? She _loves_ you, Daddy," Zola squeaks.

"Well, yes, she does, but just because you love someone, that doesn't mean you want to marry them," Derek answers quickly.

"Why nots?" Zola frowns.

"Because marriage is a big step," Meredith helps out. "Mommy loved Daddy for a long, long time, but it took her a long time to know she wanted to marry him."

"Oh," Zola says.

"Anyway, Daddy was scared, so he kept running from Mommy. Mommy even thought that I didn't want to have her babies anymore, which wasn't true. I wanted to have _all_ her babies, and I told her that. But I didn't know she wanted to have _my_ babies until she told me. And that's when I knew she was ready for Daddy to ask her to marry me. Daddy was about to ask her, but then something happened. He had a very, very bad day at work, and he was sad, so he went and hid at the trailer. You know, the one your Uncle Owen lives in now."

"Uh-huh," Zola and Bailey both nod.

"Well, Daddy hid out there for a really long time, until your mommy came and found him. Turns out, your Grandpa Richard told Mommy that Daddy wanted to propose, so she asked me where the ring was. Well, Daddy was very, very upset, so he kind of bat the ring into the woods…"

"You batted Mommy's ring into the woods!" Zola gasps loudly.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd! You bat your _grandmother's_ ring into the woods?!" Carolyn shouts; she has a piece of popcorn in her hand now. She wasn't kidding about making popcorn.

"It took me hours to find it, with Richard's and Mark's help, but I found it," Derek admits.

"What happened when you finded it?" Zola asks.

"Well, you know what happened. I found your mommy, and I gave her the ring, but… she gave it back."

"She gave it _back_?" Zola gasps, and Bailey echoes a gasp. "But why, Mommy, why'd you do that?"

"Because it wasn't the right time," Meredith answers simply. "You see, my friend Izzie was very, very sick, and you daddy was the only person in the world who could save her life, so he needed to save her life first."

"Oh, Mommy! Did Daddy save her life?!" Zola gasps.

"Well," Meredith giggles. "We're all here right now, aren't we?" She meets her husband's sparkling blue orbs and a smile comes across his face.

"She wasn't going to marry me if I didn't save Izzie," he admits. "So I did...I saved Izzie, and then I proposed to your mommy right after the surgery."

"How?!" Zola asks. "Did you pose to her in the scrubby room?"

Derek laughs. "Not quite, Zo. Actually, I proposed to her in the elevator."

"The _elevator_?! But wasn't there other peoples there?"

"Your Grandpa Richard helped me out in ensuring there weren't, and he also made sure your mommy got on the right elevator. She almost didn't," Derek admits.

"Oh!" Zola says. "And then you signed the posty-note?"

Derek smirks, squeezing Meredith's hand. "And then we signed the post-it note, correct. And we had you and Bailey, and soon we'll have your new baby brother."

"Babies!" Bailey chirps.

"I not a baby! I a big girl," Zola argues.

"Why, yes you are," Meredith agrees with her daughter, still unable to grasp how much Zola is changing every day. In another year, she'll be going off to kindergarten, which will be a bittersweet moment. Three kids under the age of five is going to be a challenge, she knows. She has no idea how they'll manage, but they will. They have no choice but to manage.

"So," Carolyn says, "I'm planning on blocking a few weeks in September to come out and help you guys out. I know you refused my help when Bailey was born, but you're going from two to three, and let me tell you, you're going to be thanking me later. I hear three is actually harder than four. I never had three, since I went straight from two to four, but I remember when Nancy went from two to three, and let me tell you, she was thrilled to have me around…"

"Well, I think I have my life more in control than Nancy," Derek mutters.

"You're not saying no," his mother insists.

"Ma, we have Amy, and Meredith's sister Maggie. I think we're going to be okay. Really, you don't have to…"

"I don't have to, you're absolutely correct, but I want to. I'm not asking, Derek. Kids, how would you like it if Grandma came and stayed with you for a few weeks when your new brother comes?"

"Yesss! We can eats pancakes and bake cookies every single day and have lots and lots of fun!" Zola cries. "Please let her come, Daddy!" Zola runs over to Derek and twists her arm around his elbow.

"Nana fun!" Bailey seconds his sister's pleads.

Meredith smiles. "We'll be really lucky to have you, Carolyn. Really, I remember how crazy things were when Bailey was born. We were lucky to have our friend Callie staying with us then, and yes, I'm sure Amelia and Maggie will be more than willing to fulfill their aunt duties, but the kids need their grandmother, too."

"Then it's set. I'll book a flight for early-to-mid-September," Carolyn says.

"But what if the baby's late and doesn't come until October?" Derek argues.

"I don't think the baby will be late, Derek," Meredith insists. "I have a gut feeling he'll be early. I already feel like I'm about to explode, which is why we _need_ to hurry up on the name game."

"And we need to start on the nursery, too," Derek adds.

"Well, at least you know the gender now, so you know which colors to go with. I didn't find out with any of you five, so I always stuck to gender neutral colors," Carolyn says. "You know, they say the color yellow is toxic and can be linked to developmental issues in kids? It has toxins in the dye. I read that in one of my magazines. Maybe that's why you were always small for your age, Derek."

"I've heard that," Meredith's eyes widen as do Derek's. "They say the color blue is the most pleasing on the eyes, so I think we should stick to painting the walls blue."

"Blue is good," Derek agrees. "I like blue. We could paint the walls indigo, though."

"Your favorite," Meredith teases, knowing him too well.

"Well, I should get to bed. It's pretty late here," Carolyn says in the midst of a yawn. She adds, " You kids be good." They can see her waving on the iPad.

"Bye, Nana! Wove you!" Zola waves back.

"Wove you!" Bailey echoes, also waving.

* * *

Derek glances at his watch. His mother was right; it is awfully late in New York, since it's almost nine o'clock in Seattle, and he and Meredith both have surgeries scheduled for tomorrow. Meredith only has one surgery scheduled, per Dr. Ryan's orders, and it's scheduled for the afternoon. He has a nine o'clock scheduled, so he'll need to be there before her, though something tells him she'll want to go in when he does. He won't stop her, as long as she promises not to jump in the OR except for the _one_ surgery she has planned.

It's the kids' bedtime, and he offers to take Zola to bed while she takes Bailey. Zola is self sufficient in changing into her PJs. He waits outside while she does, and watches Meredith help Bailey change into his new panda pajamas. His kids are ridiculously spoiled; they have everything he didn't have as a kid.

He had a good enough life as a kid, but his father owned his own store and his mother was a nurse/stay-at-home mom. His mother received social security checks after his father died, but she stayed busy working as a part-time nurse at a nearby women's clinic. However, she spent the majority of her time volunteering and helping people for free. She didn't _want_ to be compensated for her work, and she donated all of her spare change to charity.

They weren't poor, but they weren't wealthy by any means. Also, shop owners certainly didn't make the kind of money that surgeons did. He has more money now than his mother and father had ever dreamt of having.

Derek knows that money doesn't buy happiness. Growing up, he considered himself happy. He didn't have the latest gadgets and the newest toys, but he was happy. He spent a lot of time playing outside with Mark and Lizzie, and playing pretend. Would he have been happier if he'd owned the whole toy store like his do now? Maybe, maybe not.

His kids seem happy, though, and that's all that matters. He looks around Bailey's nursery, eying all the toys in sight, and he realizes he has _no_ idea what to get his son for his second birthday. A new stuffed animal doesn't seem enough. It's what his father got him for his second birthday. Derek fondly remembers a picture of him holding the stuffed monkey, whom he'd cordially named _Curious George_.

Bailey has at least fifteen stuffed monkeys, so a new monkey wouldn't excite him. He wants to get his son something that will bring a big smile to his face.

But he has no idea what that will be, because his son has everything.

Maybe having everything isn't everything it's cut out to be.

He sees Meredith cradling a fully pajama-formed Bailey, before she sets him on the ground and walks with him into the bathroom to help him brush his teeth. She's glowing like a goddess as she passes him. At the same time, Zola opens the door; she's wearing a pink nightgown, and she looks like a princess.

"Okay, Daddy, I ready for bed!" she exclaims. "Sing me a song!"

"First you need to join your brother in the bathroom and brush your teeth," he says firmly.

Zola scoffs. "There no room," she points to the bathroom. She's right; the kids' bathroom is small. There's only one sink, and there's a cup on each side: one for Bailey's toothbrush and one for Zola's toothbrush.

It dawns on him: There isn't room for one more.

His eyes focus on Meredith growing belly. It looks bigger every time he looks at it, and he's sure he's not imagining its expansion. All in all, he knows that's good. Very good.

But they're running out of time.

He spins around in a circle, realizing there are only three bedrooms upstairs. There's Bailey's and Zola's, and there's the guestroom, where Amelia has been staying. The guestroom has been occupied by numerous people who've stayed with him; he would hate to get rid of it, and he doesn't want to ask Amelia to move out. They're going to need her help more than ever when the baby comes.

Downstairs, there's the playroom. But the kids need their playroom. Yes, they have a play area in the living area, but the living room isn't spacious enough for _all_ of their toys.

That leaves his office. His office that he barely uses, anyway, since he does most of his work at the hospital or sitting on the couch with his wife. The office had been his refuge last year when he and Meredith were constantly fighting and barely making eye contact. He spent hours in his office then, avoiding her.

But they're past that. He doesn't need the office anymore, so it can become the nursery.

"Mere, I know which room can become the nursery," he suggests as she guides Bailey out of the bathroom back into his bedroom, while Zola takes Bailey's place, running her toothbrush under the water, then squeezes the bottle _from the middle of the tube_ , squeezing out a tad more than a pea-sized amount of toothpaste on the toothbrush. He cringes silently, but doesn't bother scolding her tonight

"Hmm?" Meredith hums, lifting Bailey into his crib. Derek realizes then that Bailey's crib is almost too big for him. He has just enough room to stretch out his legs. His sisters always waited until their children escaped them crib themselves to move them up to a big boy or girl bed. Bailey hasn't escaped yet, but it'll only be a matter of time before they'll need to upgrade him to a toddler bed.

His heart sinks, remembering when Zola first escaped her crib. Meredith was pregnant with Bailey the morning that Zola interrupted their morning sex. Maybe they need to upgrade his bed sooner rather than later, before the escaping happens. The last thing he wants is to be caught off guard, especially considering the amount of sex they've been having lately.

"My office. I don't need it anymore," he says confidently.

"Are you sure about that? I thought you liked having your own space, and with three kids…"

"I'd rather spend time with my family. If I need space, I'll go to the hospital. When I'm home, I want to be with you and the kids. I don't need the office," he states his case firmly.

"Okay, but then He-Baby will be away from his sister and brother. Maybe we could turn the office into the guest room and the guest room into the nursery? That way he'll be with the other kids. I don't want him to feel left out…"

Derek swallows, realizing how awful Meredith calling their son _He-Baby_ sounds. They need to agree on a name soon.

"It's not like Amy's going to live here forever, but she's welcome to stay for as long as she wants and I don't want to take her room away from her. She'll think I'm kicking her out, and that isn't true," Derek frowns.

"You're not taking her room away, you're just moving her downstairs," Meredith insists.

"Mere, I really doubt she wants to be _closer_ to our bedroom," Derek whispers, wiggling his eyebrows. "If you know what I mean."

Meredith shrugs it off. Bailey is already fast asleep. "She probably hears more up here than she would downstairs. You know, thanks to the vents and all."

"True," Derek sighs in defeat. "I'll ask my sister what she thinks."

"Daddy, it's _singing_ time!" Zola pompously interjects.

"Are your teeth all clean? Let me see," Derek asks his little girl, who smiles brightly on command to showcase her pearly whites.

"All cleaned!" she announces, skipping into her bedroom.

"Well, since your brother is already asleep, I can join, too," an affectionate smile spreads across Meredith's face, and she follows Derek to Zola's room. Zola crawls into bed, and he and Meredith both take a seat on opposite ends of the bed.

"What should we sing?" Derek asks his daughter, who's in the midst of a yawn.

"Itsy Bitsy Spider!" Zola replies easily after finishing her yawn.

"Of course," Meredith says warmly; it's been one of Zola's favorite songs since she was a baby. He remembers it being one of the only songs that put her straight to sleep when she was little; he and Meredith used to sing it to her every night.

"The itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout," Derek hums.

"Down came the rain and washed the spider out," Meredith adds in song voice.

"Up came the sun and dried up all the rain," Derek sings.

"And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again," Meredith and Derek conclude together. Zola's eyes are now shut.

Meredith leans her head against his shoulder, and they sneak out of their daughter's room together. When he sees the wrinkles around her eyelids and feels the extent of his own exhaustion, he knows Meredith won't be fulfilling her promise to finish him off tonight. He can wait.

He, too, feels mentally and physically exhausted, _and_ he barely accomplished anything today. His muscles feel like mush. It makes absolutely no sense. On the days he's on the go nonstop, he has an unlimited supply of energy. On a day that he's spent the whole day relaxing, like today, he feels dead inside. Now he thinks he understands why Meredith tries to stay active.

Derek notes the hunger in his wife's eyes.

Leftovers, then sleep.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: We know many of you are back in school, but we hope you're still with us. We haven't been getting much feedback lately, so if you're still reading, if you could, please take a few seconds to leave a review and let us know what you think. More reviews = more motivation for us to write and update faster. :)**


	14. Chapter 13

**Irene's A/N: Hello, readers! I am the one to blame for this delay. Exams took over my brain and my energy, so I never mana** **ged to put my weigh in for this chapter. Now the madness is about to quiet down, so hopefully the updates will be somewhat regular again.**

 **Two weeks have passed in the story too, so I'll leave you to it. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

* * *

Meredith's hot, sweaty body curls up against Derek, while they both try to catch their breaths.

"That was a nice way to finish me off," Derek hums, kissing the crown of her head. "Literally. I think I'm going to need oxygen to breathe normally."

Meredith laughs again, snuggling against his side, her ear resting above his still hammering heart. She still feels beyond safe in his arms, protected and calm, and she's glad he's still here. She's glad they're working through some of their problems and they still manage to be together like this.

"I promised you last night when we got paged to see off the Novaks," she smiles, running her hand over his abdomen.

Priya and Peter had been ready to be discharged. Of course their journey is far from over, but their recovery has been remarkable. Meredith wants to go check on them outside of the hospital sometime soon, but between work and the kids she knows she'll have to figure out something to actually make it to their house. She's glad that their GoFundMe account received plenty of attention from local news stations and even national newspapers, so that they managed to raise enough money for them to pay off most of their medical bills.

"I know you always deliver," he chuckles, and she feels it through her body as well.

Her hand meets his on her naked belly and she sighs, relishing the quiet moments before the hectic day that is waiting for them.

"Bailey is two years old today," she murmurs, burrowing deeper into his arms.

"God, he is," Derek hums back, squeezing her gently. "You were already having contractions when Hunt informed us of the super storm coming, uh?"

Meredith smiles, searching the moment in her memory bank. A lot of her day has been erased by the pain and the fear and the surgery, but she's glad Derek has some of the best memories tucked away safely for the both of them. "Probably. I was in denial."

"You were glowing, Mere," he murmurs, kissing her hair again, running his hand down her back. "I had a feeling you were going to give birth soon."

"Really?"

"Hm," he smiles. "Then again, you always find a way to surprise me," he says, laughing a little. "I bet I can predict when you'll go into labor this time too. I'll just look at you, and I'll know," he boasts, and she lightly smacks his chest. He only keeps laughing.

"Do you think Connie will push for a C-section again?" she sighs. "Because I don't want another one. I want…"

"I know," he says. "I just want you and Oliver to be safe."

"Oliver?" she scrunches up her nose. "Remember syph nurse Olivia? That's the first thing that comes to mind."

"Yeah, crossing it off," he grimaces. "Tom?"

"I want a name with a nickname. Tom is already...nickname-y," she scrunches up her nose, and he kisses her.

"Thomas?"

"I don't know," she admits. "In the maybe list."

"Very maybe or somewhat maybe?" he asks, giving her his look.

She giggles, moving her leg to practically straddle him. "Depends," she hums, kissing him.

"On what?" he smirks, meeting her kiss eagerly, his hands running over her back.

"On how convincing you can be," she grins, nibbling at his lips while she shifts her hips closer to his growing erection.

"Is round two of morning sex convincing enough?" he growls, turning a little to check their bedside clock. "Looks like we might have fifteen more minutes."

She moans when he kisses her and moves his hand over her breast. They can do plenty in fifteen minutes.

"BIDDAY!" she hears the shriek, the door slamming, and she feels the sheet being pulled over her naked shoulders. "Bidday boy!"

Her cheeks are in flames as she turns to look at a beaming Bailey, slightly bouncing on the heels of his feet, clutching his monkey tightly.

"I guess we misjudged the fifteen minutes," Derek whispers, giving her a mortified look.

"Happy birthday, Bailey!" she forces out a smile, reaching for Derek's boxer briefs on the lampshade. She's glad that when they tore each other's clothes off they landed nearby, for once.

"Bidday!" Bailey grins, scrambling closer to the bed as Derek shimmies into his briefs undetected. "Bidday cuddle!"

Meredith sighs, allowing Derek to slip out of bed. He keeps Bailey entertained while she finds her panties and snatches Derek's t-shirt from the floor. It barely covers her ass now, but it feels like enough for birthday cuddles.

Derek is tickling Bailey mercilessly, and the boy is shrieking, trying to wriggle away from his hands and yet not moving all that far.

"Come over here and cuddle," she smiles, slipping back under the covers, patting the still warm spot on Derek's side as Derek finds something to wear too.

"What do you think? Birthday cuddles with Mommy are the best, uh?"

"Uh uh," Bailey nods, sprinting for his spot on the bed between them.

"Happy birthday, Bails," she hums, pulling him into a hug. She takes a deep breath and smells him, cradling him close, remembering the first time she held him, when he fit so perfectly in her arms. Now he's a wriggling ball of energy, clutching at her t-shirt, giggling and leaving sloppy kisses on her cheek. "I love you so much, Monkey."

"Mama, too!" he beams, pulling away from her a little and showing her his hand, both index and medium finger lifted up, even though his thumb is outstretched as well. His pudgy hands are getting slimmer and slimmer, just like all his baby fat is disappearing. He's becoming lean and stronger and sure of himself. "Daddy, too!"

"Yes, you are two years old," Derek smiles, his grin so wide, just like when he told her for the first time how perfect he was. How perfect Bailey still is. "Happy birthday, buddy."

Bailey giggles as Derek pulls him in his arms for raspberry kisses all over his face and belly, his little legs kicking and squirming until they're both breathless and Derek is cradling him much like he did when he was a newborn. Bailey is so big already.

"How did you get here?" Derek sighs, kissing his forehead as Bailey snuggles against his chest.

"Jump!"

"You jumped out of your crib?" her eyes widen, and so do Derek's, when he nods eagerly.

"Painennen!"

Derek chuckles. "Bailey, you're not Spiderman. Little boys can get hurt if they jump out of cribs."

"Caful," he says seriously.

"You jumped out carefully?" she questions, moving a little closer to her boys to ruffle Bailey's hair.

"Yes!" he giggles. "I big!"

"Yeah, you're getting so big," she sighs, as she sneaks her hands under Bailey's armpits and picks him up from Derek's chest. "You don't even fit in my arms anymore," she sighs loudly, her façade cracking for a second.

Bailey's eyes widen, and he puts his hands on her cheeks, giving her a heart-melting smile that looks exactly like his father's. "I fit, Mama."

Her eyes fill with tears. "Oh, Bailey," she sighs, pulling him into a hug, closing her eyes as his breaths fan her collarbone and his hands encircle her neck. "I love you so much."

"I wub too." She feels him smiling against her skin and she squeezes him a tidbit tighter. "Baby?" he asks then, dangling from her neck to poke her stomach.

"Still half asleep," she smiles as he scrambles down to put both of his hands over her belly. She guides him to where he can feel his brother rolling, and Bailey's smile widens even more.

"Baby!" he giggles. "Bay's bidday!"

"Oh yeah, he's happy it's your birthday, Bailey," Derek grins, running his hand down Bailey's messy hair. "Probably looking forward to cake, too."

"I want cake!" they hear from the open door again, Zola grinning in her princesses pajamas, holding her Iowa unicorn tightly as she makes her way towards the bed.

"There's time for cake. Now is snuggle time," Derek smiles, pulling her on the bed and kissing her cheek good morning.

"Happy birfday, Bailey," she grins, pulling her brother into a squeezing hug. Bailey hugs her back just as tightly, and Meredith feels more tears come to her eyes.

Zola starts talking to Bailey about all the perks about being the birthday boy and she moves closer to Derek, needing to hold his hand or touch him, feel him there, knowing she's not dreaming all this. They're really here, a family of almost five, enjoying their day off.

Bailey is two.

"You gets 'pecial breakfast!" Zola squeals. "Whaddya want?"

"Pacakes!" Bailey grins, clapping his hands in excitement. Zola looks equally thrilled.

"Daddy, makes us pacakes, please?" Zola smiles sweetly towards her father, charming him with her best puppy dog look. Meredith can see him cave. Not that he was putting up much resistance before the look either.

"Is pancakes okay with you, Mere?" he smiles softly, squeezing her hand. "We have all day for round two," he murmurs, giving her a mischievous smile.

"Pancakes are fine," she grins, pulling him close for a quick kiss.

"I help!" Zola bounces off the bed quickly, ready to get to the kitchen and start breakfast.

"Thank you, Zola. Come on, let's give Mommy a minute to go to the bathroom," he grins, grabbing Bailey and swinging him over his shoulder as their son giggles madly, Zola grabbing his free hand as the trio moves outside of their bedroom.

Meredith sighs loudly, running her hand over her belly as Baby kicks her gently, her eyes closing for a second. She does need to go pee now, but she relishes the second of quiet Derek gifted her with.

She knows quiet will be a chimera by the time they will have all of Bailey's friends and their friends in the house, celebrating his birthday. And before that there's the shopping trip for the groceries and the last of the party stuff, on top of going shopping for the big boy bed that is Bailey's birthday present.

The day will be long, but she knows it will be worth it every second. Even if her body is already aching and she knows she'll have a full-blown headache before mid morning instead of the dull one that is already building in the back of her head.

It will be worth it.

* * *

The mall is swamped. Meredith immediately regrets saving the party shopping to the day of the party, as if she didn't learn anything at all from Zola's fourth birthday party. Of course it's the first full day they've both had off since the day Dr. Ryan had ordered she take off. Their lives are a constant cycle of last-minute plans. Every day is a crisis. At least Derek won't be picking out the decorations this time around. There will be no rainbow crises today.

Maggie and Amelia are on Decorations and Cake Duty with her and the kids, while Derek and Owen are working on Project Big Boy Bed. She and Derek already picked out Bailey's new bed in a catalog. All the boys have to do is pick it up and set it up, so it'll be ready for the party. They've taken Owen's truck to transport it.

It's funny that Bailey chose _today_ , of all days, to escape his crib. They had preordered his new bed two weeks ago so it would arrive in time for his birthday. It couldn't have arrived with better timing, either.

The bed was Derek's idea, and Bailey still has no idea it is coming. It's a surprise, and she hopes he will like it. He barely has room to stretch in his crib now, with as much as he's grown in the past few months. He's grown at least three inches.

At least they won't have to buy a new crib for the new baby. It will go downstairs, into the soon-to-be nursery. Amelia wasn't keen on sleeping closer to their room, and Meredith and Derek have both come to the conclusion that it will be better to have the baby as close as possible to their bedroom, so they won't have to deal with running up and down the stairs when the baby cries, like they had to do with Bailey when he was small. This arrangement will definitely be more efficient for late night feedings.

Derek and Owen painted the walls last weekend - Derek's favorite color, indigo -, and now Bailey's old crib will be moved into the small room. Now, they just need to decorate - which Maggie and Amelia have already volunteered to aid.

"Oh, look at this!" Maggie squeals, picking up a cute blue onesie with a panda bear in the center. "You have to get this, Meredith!"

"Panda!" Bailey giggles, immediately recognizing the animal on the outfit.

"It's _Bailey's_ birthday," Meredith cordially reminds her half-sister. "We're shopping for him, and only him today." Meredith pats her son's head. Bailey and Zola are both sitting in the blue racecar cart. The number _77_ is on the side of the car.

"Vroom vroom!" Zola cries. "Move car, move!"

Meredith pushes the cart past the baby clothes aisle, so the children feel like they're in control of the cart. "Right!" Zola orders, and Meredith follows Zola's orders, since it just so happens that the party decorations are to the right.

"We need a theme," Meredith declares. "And _no_ rainbows." Her head throbs at the thought. She's had a dull headache all morning, and just the thought of rainbows intensifies the pounding in her skull by magnitudes.

"Vroom vroom!" Bailey echoes his sister, also placing his hands on his wheel. The car cart has two wheels.

"Cars? Should cars be the theme?" Meredith takes Bailey's suggestion into consideration. It would be fitting, considering the bed Bailey is getting for his birthday.

"Panda go vroom vroom!" Bailey says.

"What about zoo animals and cars?" Maggie suggests.

"They're his favorite things in the whole world," Amelia chips in. "Of course, you already know that, right, Maggie? At least, you should, if you're going to win _Best Aunt_ , after all. But alas, you won't. When Bailey sees what I got him for his birthday, I'm afraid there will be no competition…" Amelia snickers. Yep, the competition for _Best Aunt_ is still in full force.

"Oh, I don't know about that. I'm pretty sure the competition ends when Bailey sees what _I_ got him," Maggie quips, her tone amplified with confidence.

Meredith rolls her eyes. "I wish you'd just tell me what you got him. Shouldn't I get to approve it first?"

"Nope!" Maggie and Amelia both respond at the same time.

"Because you can't take it back if he's already opened it," Amelia insists. She adds, "It's a rule."

"Yep," Maggie agrees.

"So you're basically confirming that whatever you got him, I won't like it," Meredith frowns, vivid mental images tantalizing her brain. She pictures a four-legged furry creature slobbering all over Bailey with its large, wet tongue. Meredith _really_ hopes that neither got him a puppy. The last thing she and Derek need is poop all over the floor. It's bad enough that they're signing up for two more years of baby diapers when Bailey is almost potty trained. She can't be bothered to deal with dog poop too. Plus, they're not home long enough to give a puppy the proper attention it would require.

"I think you'll like what I got him," Maggie smiles genially. "It's educational, I swear."

"My gift is educational, too," Amelia quips.

"I bet yours doesn't…" But Maggie stops herself before she spills the hint. Bailey is too busy pretending to race his sister in the cart to even notice his aunts are talking about his birthday present. "Hey, Mer, since you won't find zoo and race car themed decorations, maybe you could get race car plates and zoo cake?" Maggie picks up a stack of plastic-covered race car themed paper plates off the shelf.

"Or you could get zoo plates and race car cake!" Amelia pitches, picking up a stack of plates with an array of zoo animals pictured.

"Let's have Bailey choose which plates he wants," Meredith shrugs. She pats her son's shoulder, trying to grasp his attention. "Bailey, do you want the car plates or the zoo plates?" Maggie and Amelia both eagerly show Bailey the plates. He only glances at them.

"Vroom vroom!" he responds. "Vrooom!"

"I guess he wants the car plates," Meredith shrugs, taking Maggie's plates from her and setting them in the cart.

"Yes!" Maggie exclaims. "Ha, that's one point for me. Bam, take that, Amelia Shepherd! Who's in the lead, huh?" Maggie heaves. She's fired up. But then she blushes, looking slightly embarrassed.

Amelia groans, setting the zoo animal plates back, and then she grabs the matching zoo cups next to the plates. "Well, Bails. You want zoo cups, right? See the cute _panda_?"

"Vroom vroom!" Bailey squeals as Maggie reaches for the race car cups.

"You want the race car cups, too, don't you, Bails?" Maggie smiles.

"Vroom!" Bailey practically growls, and Maggie sets the cups in the car, a bright, proud smile spread across her face.

"Pffft, he barely even looked at the plates and cups. He's only saying _vroom_ because he's in the car right now," Amelia rolls her eyes. Bailey continues to say _vroom_. Meredith and Maggie just shrug, though.

They gather everything else they need for the party, including balloons, chips, and soda. Meredith knows Derek won't be happy about the soda, but she was craving Squirt and she knows both kids also love Squirt. Plus, it's caffeine-free.

As they're heading toward the check-out line, Meredith spots a whiteboard. "Maybe you two should start a point system, you know, to keep track of who's in the lead of your contest," Meredith smirks.

"I'm in," Maggie shrugs nonchalantly. "What about you, Amelia? Are you up for the challenge?" Maggie wriggles her eyebrows.

"It's on," Amelia retorts, snatching the whiteboard and placing it in the cart.

"Well, I start with two points, then, since Bailey picked my plate and cups," Maggie smirks.

"No, that's not fair. That was before we were keeping track. Let's start keeping track at the party. Whoever's present Bailey likes more gets twenty-five points, then we'll start a point system for them. Pizza trips are five points, et cetera."

"Works for me. We can map out the point system later," Maggie suggests.

"Deal," Amelia gives the thumbs up.

"Come on, let's go, we still need to get the cake," Meredith hisses, not caring if she sounds impatient. She waves for her sisters to follow her to the check-out line. The pounding inside her brain makes her feel like her skull is going to crack in half before the party is half over. The store's bright lights and the loud crowds of shoppers aren't helping, either.

She hears a baby screaming, but thankfully it's not hers, and another child is fussing because his mom won't let him get candy. She feels sorry for those poor moms, because she's been there and knows what it feels like when children don't behave in the store. Meredith stares at her own two children, who are both still blissfully entertained by the car cart. Whoever designed the car carts was a freaking genius.

The throbbing in her temples continues, though.

They need to go before her head combusts. Thankfully she knows of a nice small bakery closeby that sells zoo animal themed cupcakes, so picking up the cake shouldn't take too long.

* * *

"Got it?" Derek walks backwards, gripping hold of one end of the box that holds his son's brand new bed. Owen is on the other end. He's never been more thankful for Owen Hunt, who not only offered use of his truck, but also volunteered to help set up the bed. Owen had overheard Derek and Meredith talking about Bailey's new bed a few days ago in the OR and had benevolently offered to help.

"We're good," Owen says, the box now steady between the two men as they carry it into the house.

"We've got to hurry. They might be back any minute," Derek says, guiding the box around, so Owen is now walking backward toward the stairs.

"You know women, it might take them hours to get back," Owen chuckles.

"Not Meredith. She's the fastest female shopper I know. Hell, she might be the fastest shopper I know. She's even faster than me. She gets what she needs and gets out of the store as quickly as she can," Derek laughs.

"Meredith might be a fast shopper, but she's with the kids _and_ Maggie and Amelia. It's bound to take her a little longer than usual," Owen notes.

Derek chuckles. "What do you know about shopping with my sister and Maggie? Have you gone shopping with them before?"

"Um...uh...I...well, I've just known enough women in my life to know that they like to shop," Owen replies, grunting as he angles the box so they can transfer it upstairs.

"Believe me, I know women," Derek sighs. "When Amelia was a little girl, she would beg me to go to the store with her on Saturday mornings. Let's just say, the only thing that got her out of the mall on those days was the fact that the mall closed at eight o'clock."

"Wow," Owen laughs. "I can't say I'm surprised, though."

"Most of the time we didn't even buy anything. She just had to try on _every_ outfit in the mall, and she pretended to be a model and I was her audience," Derek shudders at the memory.

"Maybe you should let Zola do that," Owen suggests.

"Don't give her any ideas," Derek frowns, knowing that his daughter is a little more fortunate than he and Amelia were as kids. Zola already has ten times as many outfits as his sisters ever had when they were growing up. Amelia was just fortunate enough that she didn't have to share clothes like Lizzie, Kathleen, and Nancy did, since she was so much younger than her sisters, and Mom had given away all the baby clothes by the time Amelia came around, she did get to wear new clothes.

"I think it'd be fun. If I ever have a daughter, I'll take her to the mall every day and let her try on whatever she wants," Owen divulges.

Derek chuckles. "Oh, you wait. Just wait."

"Waiting. Yeah, I'm good at waiting," Owen says, grimacing.

They reach the top of the stairs, and Derek sets down his end of the box to relax his arms. "Owen, I have no doubt in my mind that you will be a dad one day, and you'll be a great one. A little girl would be lucky to have you as her dad."

"You think?" Owen's eyes light up.

"I do," Derek pats the box. "But you can't wait forever; you're not getting any younger. It's been a year since Cristina left, so you should start moving on. Chances are 'the one' might be right under your nose."

Owen raises his eyebrows.

"You know, Maggie is nice. I could see you two together…"

"What?" Owen's jaw drops ajar. " _Maggie Pierce_?!"

"Yeah, she's nice. You'd make a cute couple," Derek winks, lifting his end of the of the box again. "And we'd be in-laws!" Owen pulls the box into the nursery, not responding to Derek's comments. Derek struggles to tell what Owen is actually thinking of his suggestions, but he releases a loud sigh when he enters the room. "At least we don't have to tear down the crib," he says, changing the subject as he stares at Bailey's crib, which will soon become his new son's. "When you have kids, Owen, make sure to have them two years apart. Really, it couldn't be more perfect timing, and the kids will have automatic bestfriends."

Owen sighs. "I'll just be happy with one kid. I'm an only child, so I wouldn't mind just having one…"

"Oh, you have to give your a kid a sibling. That way they learn how to share and how to interact with other kids. Trust me, once you have one, you'll want more," Derek laughs.

"It will be neat to see how much they look alike," Owen admits. "Do you think the new baby will look like Bailey?"

"I don't know. I imagine they'll look somewhat alike, I guess. I know Meredith is hoping he gets my hair. Personally, I wouldn't mind if he has her eyes. I know odds are we'll have a blue-eyed child, though, since both of Meredith's parents have blue eyes. My mom has brown eyes, and my dad had blue eyes. Amelia and I are the only ones with blue eyes out of my siblings," Derek says.

"According to biology, though, the dominant gene doesn't carry over into the recessive gene pool," Owen adds, his eyes widening. "You know, I've always sort of hoped my children would have blue eyes."

"Cristina's eyes were very brown, and I doubt she had the recessive gene for blue eyes," Derek points out. Owen doesn't even flinch when Derek mentions Cristina's name, instead he just sighs.

"You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize how wrong Cristina and I really were for each other," Owen admits.

"Her moving to Switzerland is the best thing that ever happened to you," Derek admits, _and him and Meredith_ , but he keeps those thoughts to himself. He knows Meredith would rip his head off if he ever said that to her, but it's true. He finally feels like he has his wife to himself, instead of Cristina always third-wheeling.

It's not that he doesn't like Cristina, he does, but he enjoys having alone time with his wife, and they've had more alone time in recent months than they ever had when Cristina was around, and the best part is Meredith almost never mentions Cristina. Before, even when she and Cristina were at a rough patch and not speaking, she talked about her constantly. Now, she barely mentions her name in conversation. He's sure she misses her, but they both have separate lives, and he's not even sure if Cristina knows Meredith is pregnant.

Owen sighs. "You could say that, yes," he agrees.

"You'll find the right girl for you, Owen. Keep the faith," Derek encourages.

"I hope so," Owen says. "It's just...how do you know? I thought Cristina was the one when we were together, and she wasn't…"

"Believe me, Owen, you'll know. I thought Addison was the one at one point, too, otherwise I wouldn't have married her. You have to be with the wrong person to know who the right person is when they come around," Derek grins.

"That's good advice," Owen admits.

"Hey, take it from someone who's been there," Derek winks, and then he adds, "Maggie and you could have a blue-eyed child, you know, if she has Ellis's recessive gene for blue eyes. I can see you two having a kid with dark, curly hair and bright blue eyes."

Owen says nothing.

They move the crib aside and begin assembling the toddler bed.

"I could see your and Meredith's son having dark, curly hair and bright blue eyes," Owen confides, staring at a photo of Derek and Meredith with Bailey when he was about six or seven months old that hangs on Bailey's wall. Derek's hair is a little longer in the picture, his brown locks evident like they always are when his hair gets on the longer side. He hates them, because they make styling his hair in the morning a challenge, but he knows Meredith loves them.

The photo was taken a few weeks before Derek was asked to move to DC, before chaos erupted in their house. They all look so happy. Amelia took the photo, Derek remembers; it was just a couple days after she'd arrived in Seattle.

"All that matters is he's healthy," Derek says. "He could have purple hair and eyes, for all I care. As touch and go as this pregnancy has been, I'll be happy as long as we have a healthy baby boy. Of course, the worrying doesn't end when he's born…"

"It just begins," Owen agrees.

"Yeah, at least when he's inside Meredith, I _know_ he's safe and sound, and I know exactly where he's at. When he's out, now, that's a whole different story. I can't count the number of times I've blinked my eyes when out with Bailey and Zola and had a mini-heart attack when I looked down and they were not in their last spot."

"Kids," Owen shakes his head, sighing deeply. Derek observes the sense of longing in Owen Hunt's eyes. The guy desperately needs to become a dad sooner rather than later.

"They're a blessing and a curse," Derek laughs. They have Bailey's brand-new race car bed put together. The car is bright blue. Now they just need to make the bed for him; they have ordered indigo race car printed sheets and a comforter.

"At least you _know_ you have a good gene pool," Owen shrugs, crushing down the cardboard box.

"Hmmm?"

Owen's cheeks redden. "Well, you know, pretty people don't always make pretty babies. Genes are weird, but all of the Shepherds are very attractive." Derek isn't sure where Owen is going with this conversation, but he finds it strange.

"Umm, thanks?" Derek's eyebrows twitch.

Owen sighs, elaborating, "I met your sister Lizzie a couple years ago..."

"Lizzie is happily married," Derek chuckles, though he's not sure how true that is; he's always found Lizzie's husband to be a bit of a jerk, and he never understood what Lizzie saw in him. "With five kids," he adds, realizing that might not be a

turn-off for Owen.

"Oh!" Owen's eyes widen. His cheeks blush even redder. "No, I mean...I wasn't saying...I don't like your sister...Lizzie…I mean I like her, but not like...um...I was just saying she's very pretty, and I...I think I'll shut up and take the crib out…"

"You can put it in the baby's room," Derek says; it's strange referring to his old office as _the baby's room_ , but he might as well get used to it. "I'm just going to finish making the bed, and we're good to go."

"Gotcha," Owen says, rolling the crib out of the room.

"You need help?" Derek asks, thinking of the stairs.

"I think I'm good," Owen gives him a thumbs up, and Derek doesn't question him. Owen was in the army, so he _is_ strong.

Derek's sole focus is getting the bed ready before the birthday boy returns home, which the monkey clock on the wall tells him will be any minute now.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: I hope this chapter was worth the wait. I really enjoyed writing Derek/Owen, since I think there was some potential for an awesome brothership there, though in this story Derek still has no idea about Amelia and Owen (He will eventually, obviously. Right now he's in a bit of a bubble.) Maggie and Owen?! Hmm…**


	15. Chapter 14

**Irene's A/N: Welcome back, readers! Once again, the delay was all my fault. Sorry! We're coming back with a party, though! Just a reminder that 75% of what we write is medically true. This is part of the 25% that we make up or tweak to fit the story. Thank James Frey for making me less of a stuck-up about facts. Either way, don't trust us with medical knowledge too much. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

* * *

Both kids are bouncing up and down when they arrive home. Owen's truck is parked backed up to the deck. Meredith hopes Derek and Owen have had enough time to get the bed set up. She meant to text them, but between sneaking the cupcakes into the backseat without the kids noticing and driving home with two very chatty, hyper kids, she forgot.

Maggie and Amelia had stayed in the car with the kids while Meredith picked up the cupcakes. Bailey knew that he was getting animal cupcakes, but he and Zola haven't seen them yet, and they don't know about Bailey's special surprise cupcake.

Her sister-in-law and half-sister insist on carrying in all the groceries. Amelia carries the two bags from the store, while Maggie has the cupcake box. Zola and Bailey are already on the porch by the time the adults have gathered all of the groceries.

"Mommy, Mommy, I want _cake_!" Zola announces loudly, jumping up and down, throwing her arms over her head.

"Cake, cake!" Bailey parrots, also mimicking his sister's excitement.

"We'll have cake later, after all your little friends get here and we open the presents," Meredith smiles, reaching for the doorknob. It's unlocked, so she doesn't need to dig for the house keys in her purse. She pushes the door open, and both kids hustle inside.

"Mommy, do I get presents?" Zola asks. Meredith frowns, but before she can explain to Zola that it's Bailey's birthday, not hers, her eyes land on an object at the top of the stairs. Bailey's bright blue eyes widen.

"Beddy! My beddy!" Bailey points. Confusion drapes over the small boy's face. His sparkly blue eyes aim toward his mother. "Takey my beddy?"

"Mama, Uncle Owen is stealing Bailey's crib?! Is Bailey going bye bye 'cause I getting a new brother?" Zola takes the liberty to gasp, causing Meredith to grimace. She definitely should have called. Before anyone responds, though, Zola dramatizes the situation even more: "Sorry, Bails, Mama and Daddy no wants you anymore cuz they gettin' a new baby boy."

Amelia and Maggie look at each other, eyes wide, and both burst into giggles. Meredith is anything but amused, though. "It's not funny," she scolds her half-sister and sister-in-law. Meredith crouches down to her son's level. Bailey's eyes fester with tears and confusion. "Sweetie, Uncle Owen isn't taking your crib...well, he is. He is going to put it in your new brother's room, but guess what?"

Before she can tell Bailey he's getting a brand new bed, though, she hears a loud grunt behind her. She sees Owen attempting to slide the crib down the stairs all by himself.

"Where is Derek?" Meredith calls up, standing up again, heading toward the stairs.

"Oh, he's finishing up in Bailey's ro- _ouch_!"

"Need a little help there?" Meredith calls.

Owen grunts, "Oh, no. I'm f-"

"Let me get the other side, Owen!" Maggie exclaims, promptly pushing Meredith out of the way, darting up the stairs, and grasping the side of the crib angling downward. Owen's facial expression freezes when he looks at Maggie.

"Oh, you didn't...have...to…" he stutters, his cheeks flushing. Meredith senses something is off. She lets it go, though, making a mental note to investigate later. She knows Maggie only pushed her out of the way for her own safety. Meredith cringes, although she's grateful to have sisters who care. Lifting the crib probably isn't the smartest idea she's had today.

Instead, she joins Amelia and the kids in the kitchen. Bailey seems to have already forgotten about his runaway crib, as his attention is focused on his birthday materials. Zola's attention is strictly on the cake.

"I want to see the cake. Can I see, Mommy? PLEASE?" Zola pokes the cardboard box insistently.

"Later, Lovebug. Can you help me set the table? Your and Bailey's friends will be here any minute!" Meredith smiles, watching as Amelia puts the cupcakes on top of the refrigerator, making them unreachable to little fingers. After Zola's pizza disaster, they had opted for a non-lunch hour party. The party was from one to three, so they were responsible for feeding the kids just the ice cream and cake. They also had chips and pop, so they were set. As much as Meredith was against giving the kids sweets, it was payback for all the birthday parties her kids had come home from on sugar highs.

Zola grumbles, sitting at the counter, leaning on her elbows. She sighs loudly and obnoxiously. Meredith sees an attitude developing.

"Zo, it's your brother's birthday," Meredith warns.

"So? He no set the table on _my_ birthday," Zola rolls her eyes. _Did she just roll her eyes?_ Meredith's heart sinks. She's four years old, way too young to be rolling her eyes. Meredith thought she had at least another six or seven years before she had to deal with the eye roll.

Meanwhile, her son is toddling around happily, wearing the birthday boy hat that Maggie had insisted they get. It's covered in zoo party animals and balloons.

"It my bidday!" Bailey claps. "Bidday!"

"That's right, Bails. It's your birthday," Amelia talks to her nephew, giving Meredith an apologetic look. It's clear that she's trying to distract Bailey from his older sister's attitude. "How old are you, Bails?"

Bailey pauses, sticking his finger on his chin like he's deep in thought, his expression vividly reminding Meredith of his father.

Bailey holds out two fingers. "Old!" Bailey gasps. It's funny the way he does it; his eyes expand and his pupils dilate. He looks surprised, but also happy. So happy. It warms her heart to see her toddler looking so happy. She can't wait until all his little friends get here with their gifts, so she can see more of Bailey's smiles, even if she knows the amounts of chatter is bound to give her a migraine. The busyness of the morning has helped to quell the light throbbing in back of her head.

"That's right, Bailey. You're two years old," Amelia smiles brightly, picking Bailey up. His birthday boy hat starts to slide off, so Amelia adjusts it.

"I two?" Bailey's eyes widen.

"That's right, you're two," Amelia smiles. She carries Bailey out of the kitchen toward the playroom, giving Meredith room to deal with Zola.

The moment of silence brings with it the return of heavy head pains. Meredith takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the throbs in her temporal lobe.

Meredith gazes sternly at her daughter, who is slouching with her elbows still on the counter. "Zola, if you're not going to behave, you're going to have to spend your brother's party in your room. You don't want to do that, do you?"

"But Sofi coming, and Sofi no wants to play with babies," Zola responds.

"Well, she'll have to if you're not being a good girl," Meredith's tone remains firm, though she hopes she's not being _too_ firm with Zola. She doesn't want to sound like Ellis. Then again, Ellis never would have been at Meredith's birthday party in the first place. She has a picture from her second birthday; it's of her and Thatcher, and as far as Meredith knows, Ellis was nowhere in sight. It's not like she remembers the day, so she doesn't know for a fact that Ellis wasn't there, and she'll never know. Unless she asks Thatcher, which she has no plans of doing any time soon. She hasn't spoken to her father since Lexie died.

"Mommy, I just want to eat cake and play with Sofi. I no want to play with babies," Zola sighs.

"And you can. As soon as Sofia gets here, you two can go to the playroom and play while your brother and his little friends play with playdough and play with Daddy's shaving cream…"

"We's playing with Daddy's shaving cream?!" Zola exclaims and her eyes widen.

Maggie had suggested it. It's an activity that Meredith had long forgotten about, but it had been one of her favorite things to do when she was a kid. Surprisingly, Derek had been all-in too and didn't mind donating a can of shaving cream for the party. It was an easy, inexpensive activity. Plus, it was fairly easy to clean up, unlike Amelia's finger painting proposal.

Another point for Team Maggie.

Before Meredith can reply, though, Derek graces the room with his presence. He smiles when he sees her and greets her with a gentle peck on the cheek. The touch of his warm lips on her skin sends a sense of relief over her body, numbing the pain that had returned to her head. She's happy to see him.

"I thought I heard you come in," Derek says, his eyes lighting up. "Where are Owen, Maggie, and Amelia?" He looks around the kitchen.

"Maggie is helping Owen with the crib, and I think Amelia and Bailey are in the playroom," Meredith explains, observing the expansion of her husband's eyes.

"And I'm helpin' set the table!" Zola announces proudly, reaching for the grocery bags. Of course she would start to behave when her father entered the room. Meredith feels a little helpless and hopeless, like she isn't as good of a parent as Derek. The kids always listen to their father, and she has no idea what she's doing wrong. She doesn't want to voice those fears now, though. Not now. It's Bailey's birthday. Plus, Derek can't _know_ he's the better parent. Then she's _sure_ he'll use it against her someday in an argument, whenever that may be.

"Maggie and Owen, huh?" Derek has a knowing smirk on his face, though Meredith has no idea why His gaze freezes on the bag of chips and cans of soda pop on the counter. "Chips and soda, seriously, Meredith?!"

She truly had not expected any other reaction from her health nut of a husband, so Meredith simply smiles. "Minion was craving Squirt," she shrugs, using one of the many nicknames she'd come up with for their unnamed son.

Derek's eyebrows raise. "Squirt, uh?" He wriggles his eyebrows teasingly, and she knows exactly how his dirty mind is processing the beverage's name. She glares at him warningly, soon noticing that Zola is struggling to tear into the plastic surrounding the paper plates. Meredith takes the stack of plates from her daughter and grabs a knife to free the plates from the plastic then hands the plates back to Zola.

"It's caffeine-free," Meredith winks.

"Mhmm," Derek murmurs. "I can make you squirt," he breathes into her ear.

Her jaw drops.

"Derek!" she hisses, her cheeks warming. "Little ears," she whispers, looking at her daughter.

"So, were the kids good?" he prompts.

"They were," she smiles. "The store has these new racecar carts, so Zola and Bailey had a blast."

"I beated Bailey!" Zola proudly announces, skipping with the plates in her hands to the dining room table. Derek glances at the remaining plates and cups on the counter.

"Is that why you got racecar plates?" He grins, and she knows that's not something he'll complain about, at least.

"Bailey wanted them," Meredith smiles, unable to prevent herself from placing her hand on Derek's shoulder. Derek immediately turns around, though, and grabs her hand, lowering both of their hands to her belly. She feels an overwhelming sense of security from his touch alone, and then, out of the blue, the life growing inside her reminds them that he's still well and strong. Meredith can't stop herself from grinning.

"Hi, son," Derek murmurs, his lips spreading ear to ear.

"Maggie and Amelia are still having their competition," Meredith sighs, her smile fading. She adds, carelessly, as Derek rubs her belly freely, "and holy crap, the way they went gaga over everything in the store, I swear, I almost went nuts. If I ever have to go shopping with them again, I'll surely go into premature labor."

Derek frowns, his belly rubs slowing down. "You really should sit down," he says, immediate concern erupting in his eyes. She immediately regrets saying that. He removes his hand from her stomach and abruptly repositions it on her shoulder. He turns her toward the living room, glaring at the cushioned furniture.

"I'm fine now," she insists, breaking free of her husband's protected grasp. "I was kidding. Mostly…"

Derek's frown deepens. "You're only five months, Mere. I'll feel a lot more comfortable with you making those jokes in maybe two months, but I'd prefer our son cook for another five…"

Meredith shakes her head. "I'm telling you, Derek. He's going to be early. I have a hunch, and my hunches are rarely ever wrong." _Well, she was almost positive the baby was going to be a girl_.

Derek doesn't look impressed, though. "I'll make sure you don't go shopping with Maggie and Amelia again, at least while you're pregnant."

"Why? What'd we do wrong? I thought we had fun!" Maggie's voice shrills as she and Owen re-enter the kitchen together.

" _Meredith_ said you two almost triggered premature labor," Derek is enraged as he begrudgingly shakes his head at Maggie. He abruptly redirects his attention to Owen, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, man, I want to thank you for all your help today…"

"It's no problem," Owen says, flashing a weak smile.

Meredith notices Owen's cheeks are flushed; she wonders if he's overheated. "Would you like some water?" she offers.

"I'm good," Owen insists, but Maggie helps herself to a glass of water.

"Now, I'm sure you won't want to hang out with all the little rugrats, but you're welcome to have a piece of cake," Derek tells Owen, just as Zola throws her hands up in the air.

"The table is setted!" Zola announces proudly. Sure enough, the paper plates, cups, and silverware are set around the table accordingly.

"Great job, Zo. Let's go check on your Auntie Amy and brother, okay?" Derek guides Zola out of the kitchen.

"You really should sit down," Maggie says, her gaze frozen on Meredith.

"I'm fine," Meredith insists, leaning against the table as she sees Amelia walking toward them.

" _I'm fine_ ," Amelia mocks. "I've heard that enough times, no? And what's this I hear that Maggie and I aren't allowed to take you shopping until after the baby's born because apparently we instigate premature labor? What's that about, uh?"

"It's...nothing. Don't take it so personally," Meredith grumbles, deciding it's safe to take the cake down now that the kids are distracted.

Amelia rolls her eyes, moving closer to Owen. She wraps her arm around his side, and he pulls her inward, though he seems uncomfortable. "Hey," her tone softens, and her lips form into a vibrant smile. Amelia's irides glint amid her gaze toward Owen's eyes. "How was your day?"

He scopes the area, as if he's expecting Derek to barge in. Meredith construes the apprehension and uncertainty written all over his face.

"Is something wrong?" Amelia asks, concern morphing in her facial expression. "You seem off."

"Well, let's start with the fact Derek doesn't know about us," he says in a low, husky voice.

"Hmm?" Amelia raises her dark brows.

"He tried to convince me that I should go out with Maggie," Owen confides, bitterness showcasing in his tone.

Maggie gasps. She starts to choke on the water she's been sipping. Meredith observes Maggie carefully, ensuring that she doesn't need to spring into doctor mode.

"Uh-hem," Maggie coughs, her breaths hitching. "Sorry, but did I hear that right?" she asks hoarsely.

By now, Owen's face is cherry red. "He said we should be a couple."

Then Maggie laughs loudly. "You're kidding, right? I mean, no offense, but you are definitely not my type."

Amelia releases Owen from her grip, backing a few inches away from him.

"None taken. You're not mine either," Owen says firmly, then his eye sparkle when he looks at Amelia. "Amelia, you have to tell Derek," he whispers.

"But it's Bailey's birthday, we can't take the spotlight away from him," Amelia protests, snubbing the subject with an eyeroll. Owen groans, but before he can get another word in edgewise, the doorbell rings.

The party guests have arrived.

* * *

Two year olds squeal. Loudly.

Part of her expected it, since she vividly remembers Zola's second birthday, and the other part of her hoped that boys would be physically rougher but quieter overall, no squealing or girly shrieking. She was definitely wrong.

There are only six kids in total, her children and Sofia included, but it feels like they are a million. They keep running around and playing tag inside and outside, enjoying the mild spring day as the adults watch out over them like hawks to keep them from falling in the hole in the ground that will be their pool, and they're making her head spin.

Derek sends her a smile and nods at the chips table, holding up his plate to silently ask her if she wants some, but with her spinning head she honestly only feels like throwing up. She could use a glass of Squirt, though.

She makes her way towards the table, her body relaxing quickly as soon as Derek places his hand on her lower back. She's not huge yet, so her back is just a relative dull ache, but with the way her headache is developing, every little twinge in her body feels like a million times worse.

"Is he behaving?" Derek whispers, moving his hand from her back to her stomach for a quick, loving rub, then moving it again to its original spot.

"He seems excited," she murmurs, sinking into his arms as much as she can without actually hugging him. They're supposed to be mingling, but right now she just wants a second alone with her husband.

"I can feel that," he says, grinning brightly, before he turns as they hear a squeal.

"Derek Bailey don't even think about hitting Noah with that pillow!" she shouts across the room, Bailey freezing with the pillow mid air, a guilty smirk on his face. "He will definitely go through the Terrible Twos, uh?" she hums, and Derek pulls her closer, her shoulder hitting his chest as he wraps his arm around her.

"We lucked out with Zola," Derek admits.

"You tricked me with her. So we'd have more," she smiles and he chuckles, his hand resting again on her stomach.

"Maybe this one will be a quiet little guy. And he'll sleep through the night right off the bat."

"Now you're pushing it," she giggles, burrowing a little deeper into his hold as they keep watching the kids play on their living room carpet, the adults mingling.

"Guys, do you have more soda?" Maggie asks, an apologetic look on her face for breaking the moment.

"I think it's in the pantry," Derek says, quickly untangling from her not after leaving a soft kiss on her pounding forehead.

"Bailey!" Zola sing-songs, annoyed, distracting her from Derek's leaving form. Bailey is giggling next to her daughter as Zola glares at him.

"Bailey, come here for a second," she orders, and her son skips towards her with way too much energy. Yes, even if there's no caffeine, pop was a bad idea.

"Hi, Mama!" he grins, throwing his arms in the air, clearly wanting to be held.

Her heart squeezes, knowing that she can't pick him up anymore, but she's glad there's a chair only a few steps away. She sits down, and he immediately climbs onto her lap, his hands on her belly. He's warm and sweaty, his hair a mess and his t-shirt stained, but he looks so happy. Her son looks so damn happy. It makes her breathe a little easier.

"Bailey, even if it's your birthday it doesn't mean that you can pick fights and be mean to Zola or the other kids," she tells him, staring him down. God, he looks so much like Derek when he pouts.

"No bad."

"No, you're not a bad boy yet. And we know it's a special day, but you still need to behave. If you pick on your friends they won't want to come to your parties anymore."

He gasps. "No!"

"Well, would you go to a party where your friends hit you with pillows?" Bailey frowns, but then he shakes his head. "There you go."

"Bay good."

"I know you're a good boy," she murmurs, kissing his forehead. "Go play nice for a bit more, then we'll open presents."

"Pesens!" he squeals, scrambling down her lap as she takes a deep breath.

"You okay?" Amelia asks, handing her a glass of something. She hopes it's Squirt. "Derek sends this one."

Meredith smiles at him as she sips the drink he sent. Yep, Squirt. Her husband is great, and predictable. She watches him rolling around on the floor with the kids, playing who knows what game. He's an amazing father. Her free hand rests on her stomach automatically.

"Was he always this good with kids?" she asks Amelia, unable to tear her eyes off him.

"Right from the moment the first niece came home. This is different though. I've never seen him this excited," Amelia smiles, sipping her own drink. "I'm almost tempted to say that it looks like he's the birthday boy."

Meredith giggles, shaking her head as she watches Derek fake wrestle with a couple of the boys, all climbing on top of him as he begs for mercy.

"Dr. Grey," she hears, one of her scrub nurses smiling shyly from behind her own paper cup. Her son is a couple of months older than Bailey, and they've worked together since she came back from her maternity leave and they were mommy-tracking both of them. They're not close friends, but their sons definitely are.

"Jenna, it's Meredith when you're at my house," she smiles slightly, remembering how much she hated that all of her mother's colleagues always called her Dr. Grey even when she wasn't in scrubs.

"The boys are having a lot of fun...Meredith."

"They are," Meredith smiles, her eyes falling on the two boys, giggling together. She's glad that Bailey already has friends and he's such an outgoing little boy when he wants to be.

Callie joins them, sipping her own glass of soda, probably wishing it had some alcohol just like she's doing. Alcohol would make the shrieking sound a lot less loud. But, she has two good reasons why she can't drink, so she's still hoping her headache won't become unbearable until the end of the party.

"You doing okay?" Callie asks, probably noticing her grimace at the latest shout.

"Tying to hope I won't get a massive headache out of this."

"You're brave, Meredith. I don't know how you can do everything you're doing and still be sane," she admits, a surprised grin on her face.

"Honestly? Me neither," Meredith laughs, touching her stomach as the two women laugh.

"I know that it sounds kind of rude, but I was wondering when you were going to open the presents. I have to be at work in an hour and a half, and Arizona is on call tonight too, so…"

"We can do presents," Meredith agrees. Honestly, if they do presents people will start to thin out and she'll be able to lie down. Maybe her headache will let up by the time their house is quiet again. She doesn't need to be Super Mom anymore if people leave. "And you can leave Sofia here, let the girls have a sleepover."

"Really?"

Meredith is not sure it's appropriate, but she nods. "Let's surprise them, though. There's enough excitement without piling up theirs."

Callie laughs loudly at that again.

After her go signal, Amelia and Derek round up the kids near the table where all the presents are piled up, Bailey's eyes wide at the little pile in front of him.

"Okay, presents first, then we'll eat the cake," Derek orders. "We're going to open our guests' presents first, okay?" he tells Bailey, who eagerly reaches for the present Derek hands out to him.

Bailey tears open the paper of each gift with elation, his eyes sparkling, his gasps audible at each new toy the paper reveals. She feels Derek move closer to her, his fingers tangling with hers while Maggie takes photos with her semi-professional DSLR.

"Look at them," Derek hums, his voice filled with something she has hardly ever heard from him as he stares at their children. Bailey is struggling with the tape on one of the gifts, and Zola eagerly jumps in to help him, both of them studying the sides of the gift to find the best solution to open it.

"Yes!" Zola grins, finally unsticking one side of the gift. "Tear it," she orders to Bailey, and he eagerly rips the paper in two.

"Vroooooom!" he squeals at the umpteenth racing-themed gift, and all the guests giggle. His little friends are all huddled around him cooing over the cars, and she figures it must be a boy thing. She has to get used to more boy things around, after all. This is good practice.

"This is from me," Amelia perks up from her corner, handing Bailey a rectangular package, wrapped in wild animals paper.

"Ool!" Bailey giggles, grabbing the gift eagerly.

"I guess a thank you was pushing it, uh?" Derek murmurs so close to her ear it sends a shiver down her spine. Or maybe it's the way his hand is moving along her back that is making her shiver. She only knows that it feels good. She loves having him so close, and her head is lulling into a dull, annoying humming rather than the building headache she feared an hour ago.

"Mine?!" Bailey exclaims, and her mind snaps out of it only to see him holding a tablet in his hands.

"Of course it's yours, Bailey," Amelia beams and Meredith groans. She told her books. He needs vocabulary not to fry his brain with stupid apps. "It's an educational tablet, guys," Amelia says quickly, moving closer to them. "I know you said he needs to develop language skills, but there are games there to help him with that."

"I swear to God if he gets addicted to Candy Crush or Angry Birds it goes back to the store," Meredith tells her sister-in-law, and Amelia looks taken aback for a moment.

"Thank you, Amy," Derek says quietly, clearly smoothing things over, then he squeezes her closer.

"Wowie, Bails, you gets two!" Zola squeals, distracting them. A frown appears on Meredith's face.

Maggie is blushing deeply from her spot, an apologetic smile on her lips, while Bailey is brandishing two tablets in his hands, giggling happily. She knows she's not seeing double from the headache only because one of them is black and the other a bright green.

"I can't believe this!" Amelia whispers angrily, glaring at Maggie.

"This is why I told you to tell me what you wanted to buy him. This is going to be a nightmare…" Meredith sighs loudly, sinking into Derek's arms even more.

"It won't be," he reassures, rubbing her upper arm.

"You can change it. I have the receipt and all," Maggie approaches them looking very, very sorry.

"I can't believe you got him a LeapPad!" Amelia growls.

"I'm sure I bought it before you even thought about it!" Maggie spats back, and Meredith groans. The headache is definitely back in full force.

"Girls, please," Derek begs from beside her, trying to calm them - and her - down with his quiet strength. "We'll figure out something about the tablets, okay?"

"You gots one already, I gets one too!" Zola exclaims.

"Mine!" Bailey bites back, grabbing the tablet from the other side and holding it tightly in his grasp.

"You gots two! You gotsa share!"

"Mine bidday!"

"Kids!" Derek booms loudly, detaching from her, and her head starts to pound. "Put down the tablets. Right now." His voice is firm, strong, and oh, so perfect. Even if its volume makes her head throb.

"But, Daddy, -" Zola starts, but Derek gives her a look that is worth more than a thousand words. And it helps with the headache because it's a very quiet look.

"If you stop arguing, there's one more gift left for you, Bailey."

Bailey sighs, looking at the empty table. "Nu uh. No mowe."

Derek's eyes soften right away. "Don't you think someone very important still hasn't given you a gift?"

"Daddy!" Zola exclaims, running away, puzzling all the guests. She comes back a moment later, holding a card and what looks like a play-doh car, beaming. "Happy birthday, Bails!" she says, kissing his cheek loudly, and he giggles right after.

"Mine?" he says, staring at the little car and the sparkling glitter on the card.

"Yes. It says happy birthday from me! And that's a little car with a monkey driving."

"Silly," he giggles, but then he hugs his sister tightly.

Her eyes water. Derek's eyes are misty too when he meets her gaze. This is the best cure for headaches for sure.

"There's still one more gift, Monkey," Derek grins, and Bailey is practically jumping up and down.

"Right!" Zola smiles too. "Mommy and Daddy hasn't given you no gifts!"

"Silly Mommy and Daddy, uh?" Derek grins. "Come on, we have to move to see this gift."

"Why?" Zola asks.

"Oh, you'll see," Derek laughs, grabbing Bailey's hand, then gathering hers as they all move upstairs. Bailey's fingers sneak into hers and they squeeze him right between them as they quickly climb the stairs, Zola hopping a few steps ahead.

"Gif?" Bailey frowns, staring at the bow pinned on his door. "Mine beddy."

"We know it's our bedroom already, but it's what is inside that is a gift," Derek explains.

"Go ahead, Bailey," she murmurs, smiling softly.

She gasps almost as loudly as her son and all his little friends at the sight meeting them when he opens the door.

"Car!" he squeals, "Vroom! Vroom!" he shouts, running towards his new race car bed. It fits perfectly in the room. She loved it online and she loved it at the store, but it seems made for this room and her little boy.

"Mine beddy?" he asks, climbing on the bed and pretending to drive, giggling madly.

"It's all yours, buddy. Happy birthday."

"Happy birthday, Bailey," she smiles, watching as happiness dances in her son's eyes while all his little friends gather near the brand new bed, studying each feature and commenting it with their own personal language.

"Cake!" Bailey exclaims at some point, signaling that, while the gift is exciting, cake is exciting too. She knows she'd be even more excited if the headache didn't make her slightly nauseous.

"I bet you've been waiting for cupcakes from the moment the party started," Derek teases as they leave the room last, closing the door behind their backs.

"Maybe," she hums, and he senses that something is wrong right away. His eyes fill with concern. _Crap_.

"Do you need to sit down?"

"I've been taking it easy. It's just a headache. It's been a long day," she brushes it off, and she's glad they're already being attacked about the cake before he can go full-blown hovering on her.

"I'll get the cake," he orders, gathering Amelia to help. For once, she doesn't really mind.

Derek comes out with the huge monkey cupcake first, and Bailey's eyes are as wide as saucers, and so are all the other kids'. Derek starts singing happy birthday on his own tune, and all the guests follows as he nears the table where Bailey is bouncing up and down, grinning brightly.

"Photos!" Maggie orders, pulling her and Derek close to the kids as she snaps a photo of all four and a half of them, holding tightly onto each other.

"Daddy puff!" Bailey says, salivating over the cake.

"Go ahead and blow out the candles," Derek encourages, as they resume the singing again and Bailey blows the candles at the end of the song. He claps his little hands eagerly as Maggie takes more photos, while both her and Derek cover him in kisses.

Amelia walks in with the other trays of cupcakes for the guests, and Bailey's eyes sparkle even more when he sees all the jungle animals, especially when he spots the panda.

"Panda! Panda mine!" he grins, leaning over his own cupcake to take one of the panda cupcakes.

"You gots your big monkey, panda is mine," Zola admonishes, stealing the panda cupcake from right under his nose.

"Mine!" he frowns.

"You gots your own!"

"Mine! Mine! Mine!" Bailey screams, his hands grabbing for Zola's cupcake.

"It's mine!" Zola shouts right back.

"What about you get the huge cupcake, Zola? Or we could cut them in half and you get a half each," she suggests, trying to nip the fight at the bud, but it falls to deaf ears. Her head is throbbing.

"Mine panda!" Bailey yells louder, his cheeks red.

"It's mine!"

"Mine!"

"Take yours!"

"Mine!" Bailey screams loudly, shoving Zola then opening his mouth and taking a huge bite of her cupcake. The panda is now beheaded, and Zola is in tears.

"You're stupid! Stupid Bailey! I hate you!" she says, throwing the cupcake at him as she starts crying.

"Zo tupid!"

Meredith closes her eyes, seeing spots as the shouting keeps resonating in her ears. Her head is pounding, and she has to grasp onto a table to remain upright.

When she opens her eyes again, Bailey is hitting Zola and she's trying to kick him as Derek swoops in and picks up Bailey, draping him onto his shoulder. He then grasps Zola's hand and lifts her on her feet, dragging both of them away from the table. The look in his eyes is one he has never seen on his face when it came to the kids, only when they're arguing. Yet, he's barely flinching.

"Two minutes in the closet," he growls to them, while they still wriggle and keep arguing.

"Sorry about this. We'll be back," she blurts out to their gaping guests, giving a poignant look to Maggie and Amelia to keep the party going.

She follows them upstairs, as Derek slams the door of the closet and locks it, leaning against it, taking a deep, shuddery breath.

"Sit down," he murmurs, as the muffled sounds of arguing come from the door. "You look like you're about to pass out."

"I think I am," she admits. He needs to know.

"Sit," he rushes to her, lowering her onto the first step of the staircase, sitting beside her as he rubs her back.

"God, Derek…"

"I know," he sighs, squeezing her hand, his eyes on the watch.

"Are we horrible parents?" she murmurs, staring at the wooden steps.

"Because we sent them for their first official closet time out on his second birthday?" he asks, his voice a soothing hum. "I don't think so."

"Just…"

"I know. I hate this part. I hate being the bad guy," he admits, his eyes softening even further.

"You're a good bad guy, if it even makes sense," she says, attempting a joke, but it only generates a grimace.

"Headache?" he asks, his lips finding her forehead almost as if he were checking for a fever.

"Bad one," she murmurs, relaxing when he pulls her close. He smells like Derek and cupcakes and sweat and she wants to stay in his embrace forever.

"In a scale from one to ten?"

"Ten being labor? Almost nine." She tries to giggle again, but it still makes her head hurt more.

"Mere," he shakes his head.

She's trying to smile like he's doing as he kisses her temple, but she can't. She only knows that he's helping with her sanity the more he remains wrapped around her. But he can't really hide away with her all night when there's a party going on downstairs, so she should try to find a different coping mechanism, as much as it pains her.

This baby is not even born and he's driving her crazy already when his father isn't around. No questions that they have a daddy's boy on their hands.

Meredith sighs quietly. There's still movement and angry whispering coming out of the closet as they hold each other tightly, Derek's hand resting quietly on the side of her belly as Baby stretches inside her.

They can hear the sounds of the quieter party filtering from the ground floor, but no sounds from the closet anymore. Derek sneaks a peek at his watch and sighs loudly. "I'll let them out. Are you good?"

"I don't know," she admits. She knows she can't hide behind being fine anymore. It won't do her or the baby any good. Even if Derek looks beyond worried.

"Can you please lie down for a bit? I'll just tell people that the party is over because the birthday boy was naughty and…"

She bites her lip not to giggle and he smiles, kissing her softly. "I'll go lie down."

"Letting out the beasts," he murmurs against her lips, a gentle smile on his face as he helps her on her feet.

She leans against the railing to see Derek opening the closet. Zola is sitting in one corner, pouting as she holds her knees close. Bailey is on the opposite corner, staring at the wall and poking it. The sight breaks her heart.

"Time is up," Derek says, his sharp tone completely in contrast with the gentle, soft one he was using with her. "Have you apologized?"

Both kids shake their heads.

"Do you know how silly that fight was?" he fuels. "Almost so silly that we're considering not giving you any cake tonight."

There's gasping. Bailey is now turned fully to stare at Derek, his eyes brimming with tears.

"But, Daddy -" Zola starts, uncurling from her spot, still wired up for a fight.

"No but daddys," Derek says sharply. "The party is over."

Bailey whimpers from his corner, turning again to stare at the wall.

"I'm sorry, Bailey, we ruined your party," Zola whimpers too, curling into herself again.

"Hatchu," Bailey murmurs something that sounds way too close to 'hate you' for comfort.

"None of that, Bailey," Derek admonishes. "You've been driving everyone crazy from the moment your guests started arriving. And you, Zola, you know it's his birthday, let him have the cupcake he wants."

Zola is ready to counteract, to say her piece, even if she's still crying, but Derek is so good with his looks that as soon as he stares her down, she deflates.

"Do you realize that your behavior always has consequences?" he adds, and both kids nod.

"Bailey, can you please apologize to your sister?" she says from her spot near the wall.

"Sowwy," he says, still staring at the wall.

"Like you mean it, Bailey," she adds, her voice a little too sharp for her headache. She has to close her eyes and take a deep breath, gripping the railing close.

"Bails mean," he admits, slowly turning to face the corridor, his eyes still sad.

"You were."

"Sowwy," he breathes out again.

"Thank you," she murmurs. "Zola?"

"Sorry Bailey you gots no party no more."

"Now go downstairs, I'm helping your mommy lie down," Derek sighs, his pose relaxing though his voice is still firm enough for them to know who's the one in charge.

"Why, Mommy?" Zola's eyes fill with concern, and Bailey comes to stand right in front of her, looking at her just like his dad looks at her sometimes, cocked head and all.

"You made Mommy feel sick," Derek pipes up before she can let them down easily.

Zola's eyes fill with tears and she runs downstairs, making her heart clench. Bailey's little arms wrap around her midsection as he whispers another apology, both to her and the baby within her, and she can't help but wrap her own arms around him and squeeze him tightly, even if she can barely stand unsupported at this point.

"Go play, and ask Aunt Amelia for a cupcake. Bring one to Zola too, okay?" she murmurs, crouching to kiss his forehead.

"'Kay!" he grins. "Zola panda," he nods solemnly, before he disappears.

"God," she finally relaxes, swaying on her knees.

"Need a hand?" Derek asks, pulling her up before she can formulate an answer. He gathers her in his arms for a quick hug, then leads her downstairs.

They cross paths with Amelia and Maggie, who immediately look concerned.

"Headache," Derek murmurs quietly, and she sinks even deeper into his arms.

"Meredith, -" both sisters say at the same time.

"Can you make sure people are actually leaving?" Derek asks. "Tell them we don't want Bailey to have a party anymore or something, just…"

"We will," Amelia nods.

"If you need anything else."

"Keep an eye on the kids?" Meredith murmurs, her head throbbing again. It hits in waves, and this is definitely the peak of a bad one. "Sofia was supposed to stay with us but…"

"We'll figure something out," Amelia nods, backed up by Maggie.

"Give them cake," Derek says, then he moves down the last step, and she grips his shirt tightly, suddenly feeling dizzy. "I'm going to take your blood pressure right away, Meredith. No arguing."

"Too achy to argue," she murmurs and he holds her even closer.

When she stumbles and almost trips a couple of steps later, Derek is quick to gather her and all her baby weight in his arms and carry her to bed. She whimpers, feeling powerless.

She hates this. She hates that she's not in control of anything anymore. Even if it feels good to have Derek so close and so warm next to her, she wishes it could have been under different circumstances.

"Do you want to change?" he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

She hums back something that resembles a yes, then adds: "Dark."

"I'm not turning on the light, I promise."

She feels his hand unbutton her maternity jeans, and even if she feels sick beyond belief, her body still reacts to his soft touch. Wacky hormones. She lets out a shuddery sigh when his hand brushes over her breast and he takes off her shirt and bra. Stupid, stupid hormones.

"Squirt," she hums, clutching her pillow when a wave of dizziness washes over her while he shifts her to a sitting position to pass the shirt over her head.

"Do you want a glass of soda?" he asks, and she'd roll her eyes if she weren't about to pass out.

"No soda," she clarifies, and she sees Derek's eyes widen when he realizes what she means.

He chuckles, helping her lie down again. "I'm not sure this is the kind of headache an orgasm can cure, Mere. Tylenol, maybe."

"No Tylenol," she gulps firmly. "Bad."

"You know it's not bad when headaches are bad. Dr. Ryan told you it was fine if you took it when it was really bad."

"No Tylenol."

He sighs loudly. "Okay. But no orgasm either. Maybe later, if you can actually keep your eyes open," he smiles, wrapping the blood pressure cuff around her arm. From his groan and the way he seems to scribble on her BP log on his nightstand she knows it's not good, and she's almost scared to ask how not good it actually is.

"Later's good," she hums, curling into his warmth as he lies down behind her, spooning her.

They join their hands over her belly and she closes her eyes, feeling safe and sound. Nothing can get her when she's in his arms.

Dozing off could be good. She can definitely doze if Derek remains right where he is.

* * *

Her head is still pounding.

She took almost an hour nap, and her head is still killing her. It's buzzing. Or maybe it's not her head that is buzzing, it's her phone.

The screen casts a glow in the now dim-lighted room, it's definitely her phone.

She stretches to see an incoming FaceTime call. Alex.

"Where's my favorite two-year-old midget?" he booms as a greeting as soon as she answers him, and she groans.

"Downstairs," she hums. "Derek!" she calls out, regretting it immediately.

"Everything okay?" he bursts in, almost panting.

"Fine. Alex wants to say happy birthday to Bailey," she murmurs, each word feeling like a stab to her frontal lobe.

"Here," he hums, kissing her forehead.

"Meredith, what is going on?" Alex asks, confused by their exchange.

"I have a blinding headache. They happen. Pregnancy is weird."

"Mer, are you sure…"

"I'm sure," she snaps, regretting it a bit when she sees the look of concern in Alex's eyes.

She closes her eyes again, suddenly tired to the bone.

"Is she really okay?" Alex asks as Derek walks out with her phone.

"God, I hope so," her husband says, his voice trailing off into the living room.

She feels like crap.

She's had headaches lately, various headaches, but this one tops them all. She wondered during her Neuro stint how patients could feel when they complained of a splitting headache, and now she's sure it's karma.

Maybe she has a brain tumor. Her blood work is good, but it could be. Except scans are bad for the baby. Well, they would cover her stomach and take all possible precautions, but she doesn't want to risk it. Not when she's clearly not one hundred percent lucid herself.

If Derek starts thinking it's something worse, she'll go in. Now she should just stop thinking and making her own head even more swirly.

"Mommy," she hears from the door, gathering all her strength to turn on her side and see Zola standing awkwardly at the door, her eyes rimmed with red, her cheeks wet.

"Oh, Lovebug," she murmurs, patting Derek's side of the bed. "Why aren't you downstairs playing with Sofia?"

"She gotted home with Auntie Maggie," Zola replies, looking even more heartbroken.

Zola scrambles on the mattress quickly, laying on her side parallel to her body, her little hands reaching out to cup her face. She looks at her with a deep, penetrating stare, a stare that makes her look a lot older than four.

"Sorry, Mommy," she hums, her voice cracking, and when Meredith pulls her closer she buries her head on her collarbone and starts crying.

Meredith's brain is way too tired and achy to do more than gather her in a hug and squeeze her, but it seems like enough as Zola sobs her little heart out.

"What's the matter?" she murmurs into her hair.

"Sorry," she hiccups, taking a shuddery breath. "Sorry I was naughty and maked you sick."

"Oh, sweetie," she hums, her heart clenching for her little girl. "You didn't make me sick, I promise."

"But Daddy…"

"Yes, you and Bailey yelling didn't help because my head is hurting, but it was already hurting before."

"How come?"

"It happens sometimes," she brushes it off, but Zola's curious stare seems unsatisfied at best.

"You know how your baby brother is growing big and strong?" she asks, and Zola's hand goes immediately to her stomach, a small smile on her lips as the baby shifts slightly.

"He not grows in your head. He grows in the belly."

"Yes, but he's surrounded by the placenta to keep him safe and sound and give him all the nutrients he needs to grow big and strong."

"Palecenta?"

"Yes, the placenta. It is filled with all kinds of teeny tiny blood vessels to do all these things."

"Can I see?"

"I'll show you in a book when my head is feeling better. Or you can ask Daddy."

"You show," she hums, grabbing her fingers that are trailing over her baby bump and keeping her hand captive.

"I will. Okay, back to the placenta," she smiles, and for once smiling doesn't hurt to the point she grimaces. She think it's a fluke, though.

"Back," Zola giggles.

"You know we have a fixed amount of blood going through our body, right?" she asks, and Zola nods.

"When there's too much going out it's very very bad."

"Exactly, because it doesn't get to the important organs. So, what if a lot of my blood is going to the placenta to keep your brother safe?" she asks, caressing her cheek, smiling softly at how adorable her thinking face looks like.

"Dunno."

"It's okay," she smiles, kissing her forehead. "If there's a lot of blood going down to my belly, my body realizes that I need to make more and more. And that's why sometimes I have headaches, because even when my body is relatively okay when it comes to blood, I get a signal that tells my body to produce even more, so I have a little too much."

"But if you take it out it will feel better?"

"It's not that easy. But that's why my feet are swollen at night or why I have headaches."

"Sorry, Mommy."

"Not your fault, Lovebug."

"I 'member not to be naughty when you gots an achey head."

"Thank you so much."

"And I exsplain Bails so he is a good boy too."

"Thank you, sweetie."

Zola burrows deeper into her arms, and Meredith relishes the moment of quiet. She makes her feel a little better, at least.

"Mama!" she hears again from the door, this time Bailey standing there only in his pull-up diaper, looking a lot cleaner than he did the last time she saw him.

"What are you doing here half naked?" she asks, a frowning smile showing up on her face automatically.

"He heared that we gots a snuggle party," Zola hums from her chest and both kids giggle.

"Come here, runaway," Derek shows up too, a little breathless and with a wet undershirt, but with a smile on his face.

He picks up the little boy and swings him in the air, and Bailey giggles and giggles and giggles. Surprisingly, it doesn't make her head split in two. It's still pounding, but no worse than a moment before.

"What if you boys put on your pjs and come snuggle with us?" Meredith suggests as soon as Derek is cradling Bailey close, their son still giggling, but now struggling in Derek's arms to be let down.

Derek puts him down, and Bailey sprints away.

"I'll be back," her husband says, and she smiles at him.

When Bailey comes back he has his race car pajama pants stuck on his head, his legs still bare and she can hear the faint call of Derek telling him to wear his pants on his legs.

"You're a little clown," Derek says, catching up with him, pulling the pants off his head and leaving his curls wild. Bailey keeps giggling, carefree and happy.

Derek dresses him quickly, their son now submissive, but as soon as he's clothed again, he sprints away, climbing onto the bed from her back, using her shoulders as leverage.

"Careful," Derek admonishes, but Bailey is hopping onto the mattress before he even finished the sentence.

"Snug," her boy hums, and she turns around, laying on her back and sitting up a little straighter when both kids burrow on her shoulders.

"Is there room for one more?" Derek asks, grabbing his pajamas and taking off his sweatpants. She tries to ignore how good he looks half naked, and his promise of an orgasm.

"Here, Daddy!" Zola pats the half of the bed behind her back, smiling widely.

"Zo, Bay Daddy," Bailey frowns from his side.

"Do you want to snuggle with Daddy too, Bailey?" she asks, sending a look to Zola.

"I move, Bails. You gots this side so you gets to snuggle with Mommy _and_ Daddy!"

There's a lot of shuffling and gentle jabs as the two children switch sides, but by the time Derek has climbed into bed, they are all settled.

Derek leans over Bailey's body to press a kiss to her temple, making her eyes flutter close for a moment to relish the gentle pressure on her skin.

"You okay like this?" he whispers, a hint of concern in his features.

"I'm good," she admits, because it does feel good to snuggle all together like this. And for a second, she imagines a teeny tiny baby perched on her chest, and her heart swells with love. Her hand reaches for her stomach right away.

Derek envelops her and Bailey in his arms when he joins his hand with hers over her stomach, and Zola quickly reaches out to pile up hers over their folded fingers. Derek's eyes are sparkling.

"What do you say, goodnight story?" Derek asks, his voice already a soothing murmur.

The kids agree excitedly, and he starts making up a story right away. She feels both their little bodies slacking the more Derek narrates, and she coaxes both children to sleep by rubbing their backs and kissing their foreheads softly.

Derek is not even halfway into the story when both kids are conked out.

"I guess the sugar highs wore off," he grins, his voice still the same quiet hum of before.

"Were they hellions downstairs?"

"Amelia and Maggie were there to help clean up."

"Good," she sighs, closing her eyes too. Her head is still aching.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not good. It goes in waves."

"I'm sorry. Can you…"

"No Tylenol," she anticipates, even though her firm voice makes her head throb.

Derek takes a deep breath. "I'll put them down in their beds, okay?"

"Grab Zola first, I want to snuggle with Bailey a little more," she directs, and he's quick to follow orders.

The headache seemed to have dulled, but now it's back with vengeance. She closes her eyes and tries to keep her breathing even, focusing on her sleeping son beside her, how he's morphed into her side, almost as if he wanted to get back inside her in place of his brother.

She has hazy memories of their first night together two years ago, with Zola and Derek visiting as she held Bailey close, the lights still flickering from the storm as she tried to memorize his every little feature in the haze of her medications. He still looks just as perfect, even if he drives her crazy sometimes. It's a crazy she can handle.

When Derek comes back for him she squeezes him close for a moment, whispers an 'I love you', and then kisses his forehead.

As soon as her boys disappear, her head starts pounding more. She can't even move, or she knows her head is going to explode. She hears Derek come back in the room, but doesn't feel him climb into bed until a minute or so later, and something is jingling in his hands. There's also a sloshing sound too.

"Take the Tylenol," he says, and this time she can't refuse.

Her eyes open, staring deeply into Derek's, and she reaches out for the pill with a shaky hand and for the glass of water with the other.

"Sorry, Ashurbanipal," she hums, before she gulps down the Tylenol and closes her eyes.

Derek kisses her forehead as he picks up the glass from her hands. "I don't think we should even consider Ashurbanipal."

"If I can give him Tylenol, we can consider Ashurbanipal. Ash for short."

"Oh, Mere," he murmurs, in that tone that makes her feel bad. She's feeling too achy to feel bad for that too, though. "Sleep. If it's still bad by tomorrow morning, I'm taking you in. No room for discussions," he says, gathering her in his arms.

She can't argue when he's so close to her, so she simply nods into his chest, breathing him in as he runs his hand through her hair and down her back, his lips so close to her forehead that he reaches out and kisses her every now and then.

"Sleep," he hums again, and this time, she listens to him.

* * *

Meredith has been asleep for less than fifteen minutes before the sounds of little feet slapping the hardwood floors resonate from the corridor.

Bailey's head peeks through the door a second after, and he's rubbing the sleep off his eyes, dripping with sleep and yet looking wide awake at the same time.

"Big beddy," he murmurs, already climbing on the mattress from the foot of the bed.

"Bailey, Mommy is not feeling well, she needs her sleep," Derek whispers, hoping that Meredith won't wake. He's lucky she doesn't even stir.

"Bad head," Bailey nods, crawling over to his side, and snuggling on his free hip.

He holds his son and his wife close for a moment, before he kisses Meredith's forehead softly and tries to disentangle. Bailey realizes right away what is going on, and he clings onto him tightly.

"No," he says in a forceful whisper. "Nuh uh."

"Bailey, what is wrong with your awesome new bed?"

"Big," he says, his eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, Bails, I know it's bigger, but you're a bigger boy too."

"No. Tiny," he argues, shaking his head. "Daddy big."

He sighs loudly, smiling at his boy, then picks him up and they move out of the room. They tiptoe upstairs to Bailey's room, his son tucked in a ball in his arms. He switches on the bedside lamp before he sits on the bed and lets Bailey lie down.

"Daddy," he whimpers, more tears in his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere, buddy. I'll be right here. Then I'll put a big pillow next to you, so I know you won't fall. Is falling that makes you scared?"

Bailey nods. "Cawy."

"Oh yes, falling out of bed is scary. I fall out of bed sometimes too, but nothing bad happens."

"No owies?" he frowns, rubbing his arm.

"You already fell out of bed, didn't you?"

Bailey nods, and he finally starts crying. Derek gathers him in his arms again, kissing his elbow softly. If Meredith wasn't medicated for the most hellish headache and five months pregnant he would have woken her up already, because she's so good during these kinds of crises, but he has to deal on his own tonight, and he hopes he will not make an even bigger mess.

"Daddy," Bailey whimpers again, clutching his t-shirt tightly.

"You have to get used to your new bed, Monkey. When Mommy and I moved here I wasn't used to our new bed and I always ended up either falling out of bed, or pushing Mommy so far that she complained she was almost falling over. Then we found our spots. You have to find your spot here too."

"Pot."

"Come on, look for the nicest spot, I'll be right here."

Derek watches with a smile as Bailey crawls out of his arms and under the covers, shifting and rolling and turning and wriggling until he finds his position by laying on his left side, his hand under his chin, and his knees pulled up at a ninety degrees angle.

"Pot," he murmurs, rubbing his eyes.

"Good," he says, and he wants to smile, but it only comes out as a huge yawn. "Do you want another story?"

"Rub," his son murmurs, already half asleep.

He sighs as he settles on the bed as well, lying down beside his son so that he could cradle him better, his fingers splayed over his back as he rubs slow circles over his little boy's back.

Derek lets his eyes flutter close for a moment. He has done a lot of comforting today. Comforting and partying and heavy lifting, and his body is exhausted.

He wants to go back to Meredith, keep an eye on her, but he will close his eyes for just a second. Just a second then he'll move back downstairs.

* * *

Her bladder is about to explode is the thought that monopolizes her head, and her eyes snap open. Her body takes a little longer to react, but the urge to pee is stronger than any lingering ache.

Halfway to the bathroom she realizes two things: one, there's not a hammer in her brain anymore; two, Derek was not in bed with her. While number one is the best of news, because it means no emergency visit to Dr. Ryan in a few hours, number two puts a frown on her face.

She thinks about all the places Derek could be while she relieves herself, and decides to look for him after she's done.

The kitchen and living area are empty, remnants of the party still strewn around here and there, though their sisters have done a good job cleaning up. Derek's office is empty too, except for Bailey's old crib right in the middle of it. She runs her hand over the wood, remembering how both Zola and Bailey have shared this same bed, then she runs her hand over her stomach, knowing that the little wriggler inside of her will do the same pretty soon.

She hauls her body upstairs, checking for Zola's room, knowing that she's notorious sometimes for tea parties in the middle of the night. She wouldn't put it past her, considering how much sugar she has probably ingested, but the little girl is sprawled on her stomach, soft snores coming out of her slightly parted lips, the covers thrown haphazardly around while she clutches her Iowa unicorn close. Meredith smiles as she tucks her in again, sneaking in a kiss on her forehead, then moves on to Bailey's room.

The sight meeting her makes it worth the trek at three in the morning. Bailey is curled up in a ball under his racing sheets, his cheek tucked into Derek's chest. Her husband is lying with his feet sticking out of the toddler bed, one of his pant legs raised up mid calf, his nose almost touching Bailey's as their son snores in his face. She suppresses a giggle at how adorable they look, but she has to move closer and kiss both their cheeks before she goes back to bed.

Bailey smacks his lips when she touches his cheek, while Derek mumbles something incoherent that might sound like her name, then tightens his hold on their son, completely out of it.

Part of her wants to wake him up and snuggle with him in their huge bed, but the bigger part of her knows that he'll love sharing Bailey's first night in his new bed, so she lets him be.

She gets to sleep with Derek in her bed every night, for once she can share with the birthday boy.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: Woah, that was a long chapter. I hope you guys don't mind. Don't forget that your feedback makes us happy!**


	16. Chapter 15

**Irene's A/N: We are back! Or better, I am back. It's my own fault this chapter was delayed, since I was still working on my thesis, so apologies. Big things are coming up, so we hope you're sticking around! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 15**

* * *

Growing up, Meredith Grey was not a sick child. Sure, she had her share of scratchy throats and allergies - specifically whenever she encountered a cat, since she is allergic to them. Well, mildly allergic. Being around them for short periods of time won't kill her, but living with one might. She's never lived with one, so she doesn't know for sure.

Nonetheless, Meredith was always unbelievably jealous of the kids that were sick all the time. They got to stay home from school and eat chicken noodle soup and watch TV all day instead of get tortured in Mrs. Gellar's P.E. class.

Ellis never allowed Meredith to watch cartoons; they didn't have the cartoon channels, either, but Meredith watched them while her mother was at work on Saturday mornings, and she'd watch them in the mornings on PBS during the summer on weekdays while Ellis was not home. The good cartoons weren't on when she got home during the school year. Instead she watched _Days of Our Lives_. Ellis revoked her television privileges entirely when she caught her daughter watching the soap. She locked the TV cabinet when she wasn't home, which is when Meredith started going to Sarah's after school to watch TV, unbeknownst to Ellis. Sarah had all the cartoon channels.

Meredith hated physical education class. It was, by and large, her least favorite class in school. She ran the second slowest mile in the whole school; the only kid slower than her was a girl who had cerebral palsy.

She would have much rather have been throwing her guts out at home as opposed to in front of the entire sixth grade. She'd always been a stress puker. That was the year the anorexia and bulimia rumors started, and they continued through junior high and high school. So she started playing hooky to hide from the bullies.

Kids can be so mean.

As Meredith rubs her daughter's shoulders while she throws up into the toilet, Meredith strongly regrets ever wishing sickness on herself. She can't imagine now why she wished she had the stomach flu the year that half the school was home with it and she wasn't. Meredith had always suspected spending so much time at the hospital as a little girl had strengthened her immune system. Zola and Bailey go to daycare at the hospital, though. Sofia had the stomach flu a couple days ago, though, so Meredith suspects that's who Zola caught it from.

"Mommy...so cold," Zola whimpers as tears stream down her burning cheeks, and she falls into Meredith's arms. Meredith, feeling utterly helpless, tries to wrap her body heat around her shivering daughter.

Zola no longer is capable of wrapping her arms around Meredith's full waist. Meredith feels like her stomach has exploded in the last six weeks. She's just shy of twenty-six weeks now, and they still haven't picked a name for Baby Number Three. They've ruled out Atreyu, Dante, Adrian, Kyle, Hector, Rockwell, Matthias, Zachary, Raymond, and Anthony. She _really_ likes Sebastian, with the nickname Seb, but Derek isn't budging. At least half of the names they've ruled out are because they remind them of patients they've had. If they rule out every patient they've had during their careers, they might never decide upon a name, and their son might just be called " _Baby"_ forever.

Their son is viable, and he doesn't have a name.

Sofia was born at twenty-three weeks.

He can be born any day now, and he doesn't even have a freaking name.

The thought torments Meredith, but for now, she needs to push the thought aside so she can tend to her daughter, who's already here in the flesh, suffering because of a stupid stomach bug.

"It's going to be okay, Zozo," Meredith soothingly tells her four-year-old. "Mommy's going to take today off and stay home with you, and we'll make chicken noodle soup and watch cartoons all day long."

Zola shakes her head, tears still rolling down her cheeks. "No 'ungry," she heaves in a tiny, feeble voice.

"Lovebug, you need to stop crying. You're going to dehydrate yourself," Meredith declares, wiping Zola's tears with a tissue.

"Alweady sicky," Zola pouts, rubbing her wet face on Meredith's baggy striped tank top.

It's the first week of June, and a summer heatwave has already struck Seattle. Normally Meredith wouldn't complain, but pregnancy and sweat does not mix well and it only adds to her uncomfortableness.

She was lucky to be pregnant with Bailey during the winter and spring months. Fortunately, she hasn't had a migraine as intense as the one she had at Bailey's birthday party, but her headaches have been a regular addition to her daily routine; they have been regular additions throughout the majority of her pregnancy. They're not bad enough to prevent her from going about her day, though, so she's not said anything to Derek recently. He always has a worried expression on his face, and she just wishes he'd stop worrying. Him worrying only adds to her worries, since _he's_ supposed to be the positive one between the two of them. Plus, she has half the hospital Mommy-tracking her. She needs him to relax. Meredith knows she and their baby are in good hands _if_ something were to happen.

"I know you're already sick, Zozo. You don't want to get sicker," Meredith frowns, squeezing Zola tightly.

"Gots cancer?" Zola's hands tremble down her mother's arms, until they reach Meredith's bony fingers. "Gonna die?"

Meredith's jaw drops in disbelief, unable to comprehend that her four-year-old would ask if she has cancer. A four-year-old should not be having those hypochondriac thoughts. Meredith opens her mouth to explain to Zola that, no, she does not have cancer, and it's just the stomach flu, but before she is able to do so, she looks up to see Derek staring down at them. Their two-year-old son is draped across his shoulder.

Both are covered in vomit.

* * *

Derek's heart crushes into a million tiny pieces when he sees the picture in his bathroom. Meredith had gone to wake Zola while he was getting breakfast ready downstairs; Bailey was already in his highchair when Derek noticed he looked like he was about to throw up. Derek picked him up to run him to the bathroom.

They hadn't made it to the bathroom.

His heart squeezes even tighter when he hears the words coming from his daughter's mouth, asking if she has cancer. Zola, being only four years old, shouldn't even know what cancer is. He knows _he's_ never talked about it with her, which means someone else has. He suddenly remembers back when he was in DC, and he'd called the house from the bathroom, and Zola had mentioned that she thought her mommy had cancer.

It feels like a million years ago.

Now it's not his wife throwing up; it's his son and daughter.

"It's not mine," he quickly explains. Zola takes one look at Bailey and lunges for the toilet, gagging sounds coming from her throat as she empties her stomach contents. Derek can't even be bothered to acknowledge that he himself is covered in vomit when the realization sets in that both of his children are sick.

Meredith frowns. "It looks like both kids have the stomach flu."

"No cancer?" Zola asks as she backs away from brim of the toilet. Meredith extends her arm to flush Zola's purge. The bathroom reeks with the stench of vomit, so much that Derek's own stomach turns. He can only imagine how Meredith feels, knowing how sensitive her stomach has been the last five months. He studies his wife. If she is nauseous, she's hiding it well. Of course the scent of pizza makes her purge, but the stench of vomit doesn't affect her one bit. His wife is definitely a doctor.

"No cancer, Lovebug. Just the stomach flu," Meredith rubs Zola's back.

"Oh, thank Goodness!" Zola gasps in relief. Meredith chuckles. "Fia had the tummy flu the other day," Zola adds.

"Which is probably where you and your brother got it from," Derek adds, grimacing. He's wishing he and Meredith had not allowed Zola and Bailey to stay with Callie three nights ago. They wouldn't have if they'd known Sofia was going to get sick.

Meredith grins. "Now, let's let your daddy and brother get cleaned up. Meanwhile, we'll change you into some comfy clothes, then Mommy will get you some 7UP and we'll watch cartoons all day." Zola is glassy eyed when Meredith talks to her. Derek's heart dips into his stomach at the picture of Meredith guiding their daughter to the door, and he switches places with his wife. Zola is too big now for Meredith to carry, especially in her condition.

Derek's thoughts go to what they're going to do today. He had a big surgery planned this afternoon, an EDAS procedure. It's the first big surgery opportunity he's had since he's been back in Seattle. Meredith knows about it, too, since he wasn't able to stop talking about it last night. He hates to miss it, but leaving Meredith home alone, pregnant, with two sick kids is not an option.

"It's okay. I'll stay home," he whispers in her ear when she and Zola pass him.

Meredith freezes immediately. "What about your EDAS?"

"Amelia will gladly take it off my hands," he replies. "She was jealous that I got to the patient before she did, anyway. Trust me, she won't mind."

Meredith's gaze is stern. "No," she snipes. "You're not going to miss this. I've got this, Derek. I don't have any surgeries that can't be pushed. You go in."

"Meredith…"

A realization dawns on her face all of a sudden. Fury builds in her eyes. She opens her mouth to say something, but Zola lets out a loud groan as she tugs on Meredith's arm.

"Tummy hurts," the child pouts, gripping her stomach with her free hand.

Meredith sighs, placing her hand on her daughter's shoulders. "Let's go lie down for a minute," she whispers. She snaps one final glare at Derek before disappearing down the hall with Zola.

He knows they're not finished with this discussion, but right now, his biggest concern is the fact that Bailey is currently vomiting on his shoe, even though the toilet is a matter of two steps away.

* * *

She's pregnant, not incompetent.

Meredith doesn't know what she has to do to drill that in her husband's head. Meredith can't help but use her daughter as a sounding board as she helps her into a pair of grey sweats and an Iowa Hawkeyes T-shirt that Alex had bought for Zola in March when the Hawkeyes played in the NCAA Tournament in Seattle. Although Alex wasn't a basketball fan, he took Jo to watch his alma mater play in the tournament. Apparently Jo played basketball in high school and is a big fan of the sport. Alex had also bought Bailey the same shirt, but it was already tight on the growing boy.

"I'm a doctor," Meredith says at loud.

"Mommy a good doctor," Zola replies wearily as Meredith slides her sweatpants on.

"A darn good doctor. And I'm having a baby. Just because a doctor is having a baby doesn't mean she's incompetent," Meredith rolls her eyes, groaning out her annoyance. By now, Zola is clutching her Anatomy Jane doll in one hand and her Iowa unicorn in the other. She's the picture of a little girl who's about to pass out any second.

"Mommy, I gots head owies. Please no use big words," Zola sighs, and Meredith is unable to prevent a smile from splitting across her lips. Zola is becoming quite the little sass-master. Even when she's sick, she out-sasses everybody.

Meredith sits at the foot of her daughter's bed. "I'm sorry, Lovebug. I didn't mean to use big words," she apologizes sincerely.

"It okay," Zola murmurs, yawning. "I wanna go sleepy. I gets sicky if I gets up."

Meredith frowns, realizing that means no cartoons and chicken noodle soup for now. She just wants to make Zola as comfortable as possible, so letting her sleep is the best option for the time being. She can showcase her supermom skills later and give the kids the sick day she only dreamt about as a kid. Being sick is no fun, she knows, but she needs to be here for them today. It's the least she can do.

"Okay, Lovebug. You sleep," Meredith whispers, leaning to give Zola a kiss on her forehead. Her forehead is burning up when it touches Meredith's lips. Meredith knows she needs to keep an eye on her temperature. They have a forehead thermometer in the medicine cabinet.

Zola is out cold, so Meredith goes to check on the boys and get the thermometer.

* * *

"All clean," Derek sighs in relief, although he hasn't had a chance to clean his own body. He's removed his shirt and pants, so he's wearing only his underwear now. He makes a note to toss his shoes; they were an older pair anyway. He has a newer pair that looks just like them, but he wanted to wear the older ones today because they're broken in better, and they would be more comfortable wearing for a long surgery.

Bailey looks - and smells - better now that he's not covered in stomach acid, but his skin is still pallid. His eyes are droopy, and he's shivering like mad. As Derek wraps a towel around his toddler, Derek prays that no more vomit will come out of the boy's mouth.

"Cold," Bailey's teeth chatter as he whimpers. "Daddy...cold...daddy...cold." Bailey continues shivering, whimpering those two words.

"You're going to be okay, Bails," Derek whispers in an attempt to soothe his sick son. "Daddy won't leave. He's right here." He hugs the toddler, hoping to transfer as much of his body heat to his son as possible. He whirls Bailey around, ready to take him to his room to get dressed, when he sees Meredith standing in the doorway, watching them. Her pupils are dilated. "How's Zola?" he asks.

"Asleep," she says, her gaze seemingly lost in the direction of his underpants. She blinks then, shaking her head. "I...uh...needed to get the thermometer. She feels pretty warm, and I need to monitor her temperature. Have you taken Bailey's?" Her eyes frown then as they study the towel-wrapped blond boy.

"I have not, yet. I just got him cleaned up," Derek confides. "I was going to get him changed now."

"I'll take Zola's temperature and then meet you in his room," she says hurriedly. She opens the medicine cabinet before adding, "You need to shower, Derek. You're going to be late."

"Meredith…"

"Derek!" she hisses, waving the thermometer that she now has in her hand.

His frown deepens.

* * *

Zola's temperature is 101.2. She doesn't even flinch when Meredith takes her temperature.

Meredith proceeds to go to Bailey's room, as she said she would. When she enters, Derek already has Bailey changed into his blue sweatsuit, and he's in the process of helping him into bed. Meredith watches as Derek pats two layers of blankets on top of their son.

It's eighty degrees and humid outside, and Bailey is dressed in his winter clothes.

But her husband is wearing nothing but his underwear, and she can't deny how sexy he looks right now, even if the odor expelling from his body is foul. As inappropriate as sexy thoughts are under the present circumstances, she can't prevent them from entering her hormonal brain.

 _He needs to take a freaking shower_. Her lady parts throb at the notion, though she knows _that's_ not why why he needs to shower, though she's half-tempted to suggest a quickie if it means he'll shower. No, nope. He's definitely not getting a quickie, because then he'll use it as an excuse to stay behind, and she won't allow that to happen.

Bailey falls asleep as fast as his sister, and Meredith moves in quickly to take his temperature as well. It's 101.4, higher than his sister's. Meredith grimaces.

When she and Derek get downstairs, she quickly makes a note on her iPad with both of the kids' temperatures so she doesn't forget. She doesn't think she would forget, but her pregnant brain can't be trusted. The other day she'd forgotten to put socks on, and she hadn't realized until she got home. She had wondered why her feet were sorer than usual; she'd blamed the fact that her belly seemed to have swelled immensely overnight.

"You really need to shower," she tells Derek. He's standing only a few inches away from her, and the vomit stench almost makes her gag. She's a doctor, so she's equipped to handle the scent of vomit, even when she's six and a half months pregnant. Even if she can't handle the stench of pizza, she can handle vomit.

"I was going there right now," Derek says, turning his back toward her and his face toward their bedroom. "You know, you _could_ join."

She rolls her eyes. His nerve. "I can't believe you would even suggest that," she spills.

He turns back toward her. "Why? The kids are asleep, and I don't think either of them will be up for at least a couple hours…"

"What time is your surgery?" Meredith asks. She can't remember if he told her yesterday. She's sure he did, but the time slips her mind. She knows it was fairly early.

"Meredith…"

"No, Derek. Don't 'Meredith' me," she counters. "Seriously, Derek."

"Seriously what?" he sighs. "Our children are sick. I'm not going to leave you home alone with them!"

"Why, because I'm incompetent? Because I can't care for my own children by myself? Because _apparently_ a pregnant woman, who's a surgeon and cuts into people with God-know-what-diseases all freaking day long, isn't capable of caring for her own sick babies?" she scowls, and now that she's started, she knows she can't stop. "Is that why, Derek? Huh?!"

He lets out a loud sigh, stepping toward her again. "Of course not," he responds. "You know that's not it. Stop being ridiculous." He voice is lower than hers, and she can tell he's trying to keep his cool, though he's biting his tongue. "Meredith, calm down. Please."

"Calm down. You want me to calm down? Now who's being ridiculous?!"

"Yes, I want you to calm down, for the same reason I don't want you to have to take care of the kids by yourself! You're pregnant, damn it. What if _you_ get sick? Meredith…" His eyes are filled with hurt and worry, and she feels her cheeks warming. She heaves a few shuddering breaths. Her heart races. She exhales slowly, blinking, allowing her heart rate to climb down.

"Well, if I'm going to get sick, I've already been exposed to the germs, so I'll get sick," she replies hastily. "Besides, I'm surely exposed to a lot worse at the hospital than the stomach flu. There was a case of chickenpox the other day…"

"Chickenpox?! What if Bailey and Zola…"

"Do you see little red bumps on their skin? Are they scratching? Jeez, Derek, for a brain surgeon you can be pretty brainless. Besides, they've both had all of their vaccines, and I had the chickenpox when I was three."

She recalls crying for her mother the whole night while Thatcher tried to keep her content with rubbing calamine lotion all over her body. It's actually the only memory she has of being sick, and all she remembers is asking her dad to call her mom so she could make a miracle cure to make the itchies go away. It was her mom's intern year, though, so Meredith has no recollection of her mother ever coming home. She's sure she did, eventually, but it's nowhere embedded in Meredith's memories.

Meredith has no idea why people remember some days but not others, or why memories come to life at the most random of times. If Zola and Bailey are lucky, they won't remember this day at all, and if they do, they'll hopefully remember their mother and father both cared for them.

"Right, okay, they don't have chickenpox, but still, I don't like knowing you were exposed to it and didn't tell me…"

"It's nothing to worry about," she says. "Chickenpox would only be a threat to the baby if I got the virus. I'll be fine. I took on all of Miranda Bailey's patients when she had that mysterious virus, and our son turned out just fine."

"We were lucky," he admits.

"Derek," Meredith begins slowly, walking with him into the bedroom. "I'm fine. I feel fine, really. Everything is fine. I just...I need to be here for the kids today, and surely it's safer for me here at home with my own germy kids than at the hospital when I'm exposed to who knows what all day. I was just using chickenpox as an example; it wasn't even my patient, it was Alex's."

"Oh," he frowns. "Still…"

"We're surgeons, we're exposed to crap every day. It's the nature of the job. Now, Zola and Bailey are probably going to sleep most of the day. You have this big surgery, and I know how excited you are for it. I haven't seen you this excited for a surgery since you came back from DC. You can't miss it, I won't let you."

Derek exhales. "I am excited," he admits, "but I just don't want you carrying them, not even Bailey, Mer…"

She understands his concern, but she hates that she still feels like he doesn't trust her. _To trust each other_ , she remembers the footnote.

"Footnote, Derek," she responds quietly.

His face flushes. He sighs, "Mere, I trust you. It's just…"

Meredith shakes her head. "When he wakes up later, I'll have him walk downstairs for chicken noodle soup and cartoons," Meredith assures her husband.

"Okay," Derek sighs, now standing in the doorway, one foot already in the bathroom. He wrinkles his forehead. "I really did not want to miss that surgery."

"And now you won't," she winks. She looks around. "So what time is that surgery again?"

"Two o'clock," he replies. She glances at the clock. It's eight a.m.

"So you need to get to the hospital a few hours early to practice and review the case," she notes.

"It's a rare surgery, but it's not complicated. I've performed a dozen or so in my career. I'm ready," Derek says. "And I've reviewed the case."

"Hmm." Her barriers dissolve, and she doesn't stop herself this time from stepping toward her husband, as smelly as he may be. Her hand flattens on his chest and she kisses his cheek.

"What was that for?" he raises his eyebrows.

"For being such a great dad, and looking out for us," she smiles. "I know I don't show it all the time, but I really do appreciate it."

"Mmm," he hums, kissing her forehead.

"And _maybe_ it wins you a quickie," she giggles, pushing him into the bathroom.

He laughs as they dance in sync, his hands working their way under her tanktop. The moisture in between her thighs dampens, and her lower region drums like her heart has fallen from her chest.

Derek's hand freezes on her abdomen for a split second before he discards her tank entirely. "I don't know if this is a good idea, Dr. Grey. I have a big surgery, you know. And you know what they say about sex before surgery…"

"It helps with your concentration," she winks, her hands pawing at his underpants before she slides them down his legs, then she reaches for the shower faucet. She pushes him under the cold water, then slips in beside him. His face wrinkles under the water and a wide smile splits across his face.

"Perhaps it does," he laughs, holding her swollen body close to his under the water, their unborn son securely in between their two naked bodies. The achiness in her bones and muscles begins releases under the lukewarm water. Derek's arms wrapped around her is just an added perk. His hands gently touch her swollen breasts, already eliciting a moan from her lips. Her arousal swells even more when she feels his erection pressing against her thigh.

She tilts her head, nibbling at his ear. "Or maybe that's just me," she giggles, her heart hammering in her chest as she prepares to swim into erotic oblivion.

After, Derek heads to the hospital, leaving Meredith to tend to their two sick children by herself.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: So the kids are sick, and Meredith is home alone with them. What could possibly happen next? Stay tuned!**


	17. Chapter 16

****Irene's A/N: We're back! We've been banking up some chapters because let's be honest, this one is going to be the last light chapter we'll have in a while. The drama is coming, we didn't write the prologue for nothing. Read at your own risk!****

* * *

 **Chapter 16**

* * *

The air in his office feels stuffy and stale. His hands are clammy around his pen, and the script of the chart is blurring.

Derek sighs loudly, leaning back into his chair for a moment, thinking about Meredith and the kids at home. Their sick, vomiting kids. Part of him is ready for his EDAS, excited even to give his patient her life back, but the majority of him right now is focused on his family, and how they are faring alone in the woods.

He passes a hand through his hair, feeling his slightly warm forehead. He blames his office. He's sure the heating is still on, even if they are in June and the weather is so humid outside. They never seem to get the temperature right in this wing of the hospital.

His stomach turns and he takes another deep breath. He decides that a walk will only do him some good. Maybe a glass of water to rehydrate before surgery.

Derek heads for the attendings' lounge, determined to get out of this funk.

"Looking good, Derek," he hears his sister's ironic tone and he turns his head to see her sitting at the table with Owen, both of them pouring over a pile of charts and papers. He had totally missed their presence at first.

"'Morning," he huffs, feeling his skin flush.

"You okay, Shepherd?" Owen asks as well, a frown on his face.

"Fine," he dismisses them, grabbing a paper cup and filling it with water. His hands are shaking.

"Is Meredith busy? I wanted a General consult on one of my patients, but I haven't seen her around," Amelia asks, taking a sip of her own coffee cup.

"She's home. Zola and Bailey have the stomach flu."

"Oh, poor things," she sighs. "You don't look all that okay yourself, Derek."

"I am okay. I have my EDAS for the Moyamoya, then I'm going home. I'll be fine," he says, hoping the good vibes can make him feel less sickly. "Big case for you, too?"

Owen almost blushes, and Amelia clears her throat loudly. "A project we're working on."

"Cool project?" he asks, sinking down on the couch cushions. Maybe talking will keep his mind off his rolling stomach.

"It is a project about veterans and PTSD, Owen and I decided to work on it together. It's called the ELLIE project," Amelia grins, clearly looking excited. He likes to see his sister that excited about work. She deserves her own breakthrough.

Derek hums to tell them that he's still listening, but he has to close his eyes and take a deep breath as his stomach riots.

"It is basically a virtual therapist to spot PTSD. Amelia is helping me analyze data and brain scans. The results are really promising so far," Owen adds, proudly speaking about the project in detail, but Derek zones out, feeling his focus slip away from the conversation as he stares into his half-filled water glass.

"Derek, you don't look fine at all," Amelia interjects, interrupting their one-sided conversation.

"I'm a little queasy, but I was covered in vomit this morning, I'll be fine," he breathes out, and the mere memory of the stench almost sends him straight to the nearest trashcan.

More water will help. Wash away the aftertaste of vomit his mind has created. Maybe he should also brush his teeth before surgery. The sterile air will definitely help.

"You look like you're about to throw up," Amelia snickers, and he stands up, trying to prove her that he's perfectly fine.

Except the room tilts and he falls back on the couch. He's sure there was an earthquake.

"Shepherd, go home," Owen says, not leaving room for protests.

"I can't be sick," he practically moans, as he gulps down the acidic taste of vomit. "I can't. I have to take care of Zola and Bailey and Meredith, I can't…"

"Derek, you're going to puke in a brain if you go into surgery. Do you want some fluids before leaving?"

"I'm okay. I'm fine," he repeats, sounding like a broken record even to his own ears.

He almost topples over again when he stands up, and he probably remains upright only because Owen steps in to keep him on his feet.

"Dr. Shepherd, you have a fever. I can't have you spreading germs around my patients," Owen says firmly. "You can either find a bed and get some fluids, or find a way to get home."

"I can drive, I can…" he sighs, suddenly feeling a shiver run down his spine. He definitely has a fever. He can't have a fever. His kids are sick, he can't be sick too.

"Do you want me to take you home?" Amelia asks.

"I'm okay, can you…" he gulps, and he hates it. He hates being sick. "I promised my patient I'd do the surgery today, can you…"

"I cleared my schedule to work on ELLIE, I'll fit her in."

"Thank you," he murmurs, his head swimming.

"I'll call you after the surgery, okay? And if you guys need anything, I'm here."

"I'll tell Mer," he hums, trying not to talk too much. Vomiting in the attendings' lounge is not a good idea. At all.

He takes another shaky step towards the door, not sure he can walk back to his own office unassisted at this point.

He hates being sick. Usually, he feels fine and human, until he's practically fainting with sickness, and he hates it. He hates that now Meredith will have to take care of him too. As long as she's not sick as well. If the bug is getting around this much, she might. She threw up enough for a lifetime at the beginning of the pregnancy though, it's not fair if she's throwing up again.

"Derek, do you want me to take you home?" Owen asks, his voice kind and doctor-like.

As much as he hates imposing on his friend, he nods shakily in confirmation. "Thank you," he murmurs, feeling the vomit in the back of his mouth again.

He breathes deeply through his nose for a couple of times, then the nausea fades slightly. Barely. But he can at least walk back to his office. Owen is still walking beside him vigily, and it doesn't help with feeling less like a patient. Part of him is glad that Owen is there, though, because it means he won't split his head open if he falls on his face. His legs are jelly enough that he could, and he would love to see his third child born.

The two of them reach Owen's truck easily, even if Derek is still wobbling; he gratefully sinks in the cushions when Owen revs up the engine.

He feels his whole body burning up, and he knows he has to get his shit together soon, Meredith doesn't need him to be an inconvenience again. He closes his eyes, taking deep breaths, hoping to heal enough to mask his sickness by the time they reach his house.

* * *

Owen taps his fingers nervously on the steering wheel as he drives in direction of the docks. Derek is slumped on his seat like a rag doll, and he feels bad for the guy. He looks worn out.

Shepherd is quiet next to him, but it is not what makes him uncomfortable the most. The knowledge that he wants to be his brother-in-law at some point in the near future scares the crap out of him.

Yes, he was some sort of honorary brother-in-law when he was married to Cristina, but this is different. Amelia is his actual sister. Blood is thicker than anything else. Yet, Derek is still completely clueless about them.

He wants to tell him how happy he is with Amelia, how she makes his world make sense, and he's still scared about Derek's reaction.

"Shep?" he blurts, staring straight ahead to the road, wishing he had kept quiet. Even if he feels like he can't keep quiet any longer. He has to tell him.

"Mmm," Derek groans, shifting in the seat, adding something that could resemble a "what?"

"You remember our conversation about happiness and love and being brothers-in-law?" he gulps, his heart pounding.

Derek's response is a groan. Maybe he should stop. Yet, his heart is making him pour out words before he can stop to gauge how sick the man actually is.

"I can't date Maggie. I mean, she's a lovely girl and all, it's just…" he croaks. "I love your sister. Amelia. I'm in love with her. We've been dating for a while and she's wonderful. She's strong and stubborn and keeps me on my toes. She knows my issues and I know hers and...I love her so much."

The silence stretches in the car, and Owen can only hear his heart hammering under his ribcage.

"She's an incredible woman. And I'd be lucky to have your blessing to date her. Since your father died, and she told me what happened, so I think...I think you're the one I have to ask permission to, and I want…"

His rambling is interrupted by a loud snort, and when Owen turns at a red light, he notices that Derek is fast asleep, practically drooling on his own shoulder, his heated body fogging up the car window.

Owen gulps, chuckling bitterly, then sighs in relief. Maybe he has escaped one of Shepherd's speeches for a little longer.

* * *

Derek wakes up with a groan, and it takes him a long moment before he figures out that he's still in Owen's car.

He has no idea how to make his body move.

"We're here," Hunt says, a strange look in his eyes, but his stomach rolling and rebelling puts an end to all his inquiries. "Just get inside then you can crash on the couch," Owen adds, clearly figuring out his internal struggle.

The mere idea of laying down is enough to make his feet touch the ground. He still feels wobbly and unsteady, though. His head is spinning, and the nausea is roaring back.

He fumbles into his jeans pocket for his keys, struggling to fit them in the lock until Owen takes them from him and easily pushes the door open.

"I can't believe you're checking on me on your lunch break!" comes Meredith's voice from the kitchen, and she shows up a minute later, already slightly wobbling and looking gorgeous as usual. Maybe even more gorgeous, though he has no idea if he should blame the fever or not.

"Hi," he breathes out, winning a frown from her.

"God, you brought Owen too? I'm not an invalid!" she rolls her eyes, groaning, then taking a bite of something in her hands.

Even if they look like saltines, his stomach rolls.

Taking a deep breath doesn't help, because the smell of more food assaults him, filling his nostrils. His eyes widen, as he stares helplessly at his wife, before the contents of his stomach spill at his feet.

He's still coughing out vomit when he feels her soft hand rubbing his spine, and she doesn't seem bothered by the fact that his shirt is sticking to his skin, soaked in sweat. He still feels cold, though.

"Oh, Derek," she murmurs, her stomach poking his hip as he stares at the pool of vomit as his feet, his eyes burning in embarrassment.

"This is why he's home," Owen comments, but his voice feels far away.

"Do you want to walk to bed or stop on the couch?" she asks, her voice a breath away from his ear.

"Bed," he croaks, already imagining their soft sheets and perfect mattress under his back. Yeah, definitely bed.

"I'm going to clean this up first, okay? Or do you want me to help you to bed?"

He has no idea, he just feels like a failure. His wife is pregnant, she shouldn't be dealing with him, too, on top of caring for their children. He should be the one cleaning up the vomit and grabbing blankets and glasses of water. He should be…

"I can clean up here," Owen hums, his voice sounding far away, as if he were looking for the cleaning supplies already on his own accord.

He straightens up a little and meets Meredith's eyes for a blink, and he sees all the love she has for him mirrored in her tired gray-green.

"You're such a stubborn man," she hums, kissing his forehead softly, her lips cool and firm against his skin. She should keep kissing him for the rest of the day. "You're burning up, stud."

"No teasing," he croaks out, though he also manages to mirror her smile.

"Derek, every time you get sick you let it get so bad to the point that I always have to pick you up from the floor, I have a right to tease you," she giggles, wrapping her arm around his waist, supporting him.

He groans. "Sorry."

"Oh, shush. You're always taking care of me, you can finally remember how annoying it is to be on the receiving hand of the smothering," she grins, squeezing his waist as she leads him to their bedroom.

Their bed looks like the ultimate beacon of hope, even if it's still unmade and there's stuff thrown around in the room.

"Crap," she sighs, eying the bed, "I forgot Bailey was here," she adds, pointing to the lump in the middle of the bed. "He just fell asleep and I didn't want to move him, I…"

"We can share," he gives her a small smile. Part of him is glad she hasn't carried the boy up the stairs alone, even if it means he has to share a bed with their little guy and knows their son will end up sleeping on top of him as soon as he finds out he's in bed too.

"Are you sure? Owen can move him, or - "

"Don't worry. We'll be fine. We'll heal each other with snuggles."

She giggles softly, mindful of their sleeping son, then starts unbuttoning his shirt.

"There's a baby in the bed, Mere," he grins, closing his eyes as she slowly slips the sweaty shirt off his shoulders.

"Yeah, and you're full of nasty viruses, I'm not kissing you."

"Not even if I beg?" he asks, trying to flirt and knowing he's failing miserably.

"You can beg when you're healed," she smirks, resting her lips on his cheek. "I'm going to grab you a bucket, a glass of water and the thermometer. Do you want some Pepto too?"

"Please," he smiles, slipping into his cool pajamas and feeling a shiver down his spine. "Oh, I'd kiss you senseless right now if you'd let me."

Meredith leaves the room laughing and shaking her head, but he suddenly feels better. Yes, his stomach is still rioting against him, and he's sure the fever is nowhere near broken, but being home helps. Even if he feels guilty about overworking Meredith, he'll make sure to make it up to her as soon as he feels a little better.

* * *

Meredith sighs loudly, entering the kitchen to check on the chicken noodle soup that she left on low on the stove. She had called Carolyn in a panic, asking her to guide through the recipe, since Derek wasn't there to heat up the soup for her and the kids, and of course she managed to panic even at such a simple recipe.

Now though her husband is home, throwing up too, Bailey and Zola are asleep, their fevers breaking, and she feels like she's going to make it to the end of the day without burning their kitchen to a crisp or harming their children in any way.

She pours the now scalding soup into two bowls, sighing as the smell fills her nostrils. She puts the bowls on a tray, together with silverware, napkins and a glass of water, then moves the lunch tray into their bedroom.

Derek is now in bed laying curled up in half a ball, Bailey resting flush against him, still asleep.

"Do you feel like eating anything?" she murmurs, watching as he blinks slowly and even more slowly lifts up his head from his pillow.

"I don't know," he hums.

"Your mom's chicken noodle soup," she adds, and his glassy eyes light up.

"I'll try," he says, slowly sitting up against the headboard, though he doesn't let Bailey go all that far.

She sits down in bed next to her boys, feeling the one inside her kick her ribs in a thankful gesture when she rests. This day is not exactly what she envisioned this morning to be like when she woke up, but she's grateful she can be here for her family, nurturing them all back to health. And she figures at some point she'll have to do it again, with all three of her boys, and all three of them will be pain in her ass. It is a given, since all three of them will have a penis and Derek's DNA in them.

As if on cue, both the baby and Bailey kick her in their sleep, the oldest kicks her shin, the youngest delivers a swift kick to her ribs, and she muffles a groan.

She's outnumbered by penises now. Thank God for Zola keeping her sane in the long run. Three boys - especially three sick boys - will be the death of her. Derek is whiny enough on his own, but if their two other boys learn how to be sick from their father, she'll be screwed. Maybe she can turn the boy inside her to her side and have him a normal boy when he's sick. He does share his father's diet already, so she's not counting on it. Again, thank God for Zola.

She still can't imagine her tiny little boy sick yet, though. And if he has to get sick, she can't conceive anything more than a stomach bug. She knows he's a healthy boy so far, and she wants him to stay that way for as long as he needs to grow, even if this pregnancy has been hell.

Meredith smiles as she carefully hands Derek the tray and he places it on his lap, grabbing the spoon and giving her a sincere smile.

"Thank you, Mere," he hums, bringing the spoon to his lips, his eyes widening as soon as it makes contact with his tongue. "Hooh," he blabbers, fanning his still open mouth, and she can't help the laughter bubbling out of her.

"I was about to tell you to wait a moment."

"Ne'er tas'e any'in a'ain," he keeps fanning, and she laughs louder and louder.

"You're a baby," she teases, and he pouts at her, looking just like Bailey. She rubs his cheek, pretending to understand his pain. "You're terrible when you're sick, you know that, right?"

"Mom's fault," he shrugs. "Only boy, she coddled me."

"I can see that. You're still cute, though."

"Do I deserve a kiss?" he grins. Even if his eyes are still glassy and he still looks pale, he looks better now that he's smiling.

"Eat your soup," she smiles back, shaking her head.

"But it's too hot!"

"Really? You sound like Zola now."

Derek pretends to be upset, glaring at the soup, instead. "How's our girl, now?"

"She asked to go swimming, and her fever is breaking."

"Good," Derek chuckles. "Maybe that's where we shared the virus?" he grumbles, wrinkling his nose, breathing in the condensation coming from the soup.

"Maybe that helped.," Meredith smiles. "It's too bad we can't take a swim in this heat, though," she sighs, still blowing over her own bowl.

Derek tastes the soup again, then grimaces. "Still too hot."

She rolls her eyes, stretching to reach into her nightstand, pulling out the list of questions they have been answering on and off for weeks.

"Alright, there was a question we skipped last time, remember?"

"From the thirty-six?" he frowns at the paper in her lap.

"Yeah, number four. We agreed to skip it because the kids were there and it wasn't really fun."

"Right," he nods, moving imperceptibly closer to her, resting Bailey's head on his thighs to peer at the paper. "'What would constitute a perfect day for you?' Really? Why did we skip that?"

"I think because it would have involved a sex marathon, Derek," she rolls her eyes, sipping on a spoonful of soup and noticing that it has cooled enough. "Alright, let's think on it for a moment as we eat our soup, then we'll tell each other, okay?"

"Okay," he smiles, tentatively tasting the soup. A wide smile breaks on his lips. "It's just like my Mom's."

"Wow," she murmurs to herself.

"I tried making it myself when I was in college and Mark or Addie got sick, but it never tasted the same," he hums, devouring another spoonful. She's simply glad he's eating. "I guess being a mom factors in the good outcome of the recipe," he grins, and he can melt her with a single look, even if it's a sickly one.

She pretends she's not blushing, that it's just the heat of the soup turning her cheeks bright red, but he doesn't buy it. Luckily for her he doesn't comment on it.

"So," he grins, his spoon clinking in the empty bowl as he stretches to place the tray on the floor, then retrieves her empty bowl too, and piles it up on his own. "Your perfect day?"

"I told you, sex. Sex all day."

"Really? There are a lot of hours. Twenty-four hours of sex?"

She sighs. "Okay, maybe we can do something else. Tell me yours, so I can mock your choice," she smirks and he rolls his eyes. He yawns and she waits for him to catch his breath, smiling softly as Bailey snorts on his lap. "Lie down, too. You can get some sleep after we've answered this."

"I want to talk with you, Mere."

"So we'll talk as long as you're awake, then. But lie down."

"Bossy," he murmurs, sliding a little further under the covers, sighing in bliss. "My perfect day would be spent with you. All twenty-four hours of it."

"Cheesy," she grins, blushing again.

"Oh, yours would be too, admit it."

"Fine. I guess I could spend twenty-four hours with you and still love you afterwards."

He chuckles. "So, we'd wake up at seven, so that we can make love for at least an hour before we'd need to be up and running. We'd have breakfast all together as a family, and then we'll go to the hospital. We'd share a surgery, something fun and complicated, but not all that complicated, so we'd get the chance to go home and share lunch together with the kids. We'll tell each other about our days, then we'll spend the afternoon taking a walk or fishing or playing together. I'd make you dinner while you keep playing, then we'll put them to bed after eating, and we'll make love for the rest of the night. Repeat all day, every day, for the rest of our lives."

Her eyes are misty by the end of his speech and he has the softest smile on his lips that make her want to kiss him senseless.

"Ditto?" she murmurs, making him laugh.

"I know mine is the most perfect day, but you should come up with your own," he says, yawning.

"I'd get to kiss you goodmorning. And make love to you for as long as we can go. When we're boneless and spent, the kids will crawl in and we'll snuggle for a bit, before going to work. I'd find an awesome tumor and we'll scrub in together, and you'll tease me all throughout the surgery," she says, waiting for his chuckle, though she notices that his eyes have dropped. "We'll have sex somewhere in the hospital before picking up the kids again. I say we should do it in the CT room again, since it was a lot less hurried than the scrub room, but I'd settle for everywhere. You know we're good when we're high on surgery, and I like it hard and fast when we're on a high," she smiles wistfully as Derek's breathing evens out even more, becoming deeper and deeper. She sighs, running her hand on her stomach as the baby inside her rolls around. "Then we'll get home, play with the kids, have dinner, put them to bed then make love for the rest of the night. We wouldn't need sleep during our perfect days, right?"

Her question goes unanswered, since Derek is already deeply asleep, but she doesn't mind.

She slides into bed slowly, careful to have room for Bailey and the baby between them, then laces her fingers with Derek's above their babies. He reflexively squeezes her hand and she smiles, closing her eyes too.

Meredith has no idea if she's asleep or not when she hears Zola.

"Mommy, your phone is ringing," her daughter says, looking a little less miserable than she did a couple of hours before, but still looking sick.

Meredith reaches out for her buzzing phone from her hands, clicking answer as she lets another little body crawl into bed. She had probably forgotten her phone in Zola's room last time she had checked her temperature, and she's glad that it hasn't disturbed Zola too much, considering that she's feeling well enough to come downstairs on her own.

She welcomes Zola into her arms and in the cradle of her parents, before she says "Hello" into the receiver.

"Hey, Mer," Amelia greets her, "Is Derek there?"

"Asleep. Conked out after the chicken noodle soup."

"Typical male. He always did that when he was sick."

"We're all camped in bed at the moment, at least the house is quiet," she chuckles, feeling Zola shift next to her. "Are you checking on me?"

"No, checking on you all. Owen told me Derek threw up at the front door, basically."

"He did. Your brother has a hero complex."

"I know all about that," she sighs. "Tell him that his Moyamoya patient is stable and is going to wake up any minute. And that he infected Owen too."

"Owen is sick?"

"Throwing up in the attendings' lounge as we speak."

"Sorry."

"Weak," Amelia giggles, "At least I got an awesome surgery out of my brother's misfortunes."

"Always looking on the bright side, eh?" Meredith giggles quietly. "I'll tell Derek about his patient as soon as he's coherent again. Thank you for the update. And sorry about Owen. Try not to coddle him too much or you'll end up with a Derek two point oh in your hands."

"Oh, don't worry, we'll have rules," she giggles. "I'll be at his trailer tonight, but if you guys need anything I'm just a phone call away, alright?"

"Thanks, Amelia," she smiles, before they both hang up.

"Mama," Zola murmurs, her eyes still glassy and sleepy.

"Close your eyes, Lovebug. I'm not going anywhere."

"Is Daddy sick like me an' Bails?"

"He is. But Mommy is going to take care of all three of you, okay? Don't worry about anything."

"Kay," she hums, her body slacking and relaxing into sleep.

Meredith slips back under the covers, smiling at the human pile they have managed to make on their bed, and she's grateful once more for picking a huge bed for their new room when they built the house. She appreciates it immensely in situations like today.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, and in a matter of moments all five of them fall into a calm, healing slumber, even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: We thought this might make a good Thanksgiving chapter. I hope everyone who celebrates has a wonderful holiday, and no one gets sick like Derek, Zola, and Bailey. May you enjoy time with family and eat lots of turkey (instead of chicken noodle soup.)**


	18. Chapter 17

**Nicole's A/N: Are you guys ready?! We said it would be an angsty holiday season for Meredith and Derek, so don't say we didn't warn you. (We definitely didn't schedule these chapters to be released at this time, but it is what it is. We have had these chapters outlined since November 2014. I can't believe it's taken us over a year to get to the reason we started** _ **Storm**_ **in the first place...)**

 **Fasten your seatbelts!**

* * *

 **Chapter 17**

* * *

Meredith Grey doesn't get sick. Not sick, _sick_ , anyway.

She tells herself that as she crouches over the rim of toilet in the third-floor ladies' room. Her stomach has been rolling all day. It's occurred on and off for the last few days, ever since the kids and Derek were sick. She figures she's been fighting off their nasty stomach bug.

She's a fighter, and she always prevails.

 _Ugh_ , she groans, swallowing the thick, salty lump in the back of her throat, wishing nothing more than to vomit right this second. If she could just purge her stomach contents, she knows she would feel better. Vomiting always makes her feel better when she's nauseous.

She can't be sick. She can't.

Zola, Bailey, and Derek all had a twenty-four hour virus. The kids were jumping up and down the morning after she'd stayed home with them all day, and Derek managed to get out of bed around one o'clock the next day. He was, hands down, the worst of all three. He said he felt guilty because she had to take care of him, but she thinks he secretly enjoyed the pampering and watching her waddle around, waiting on him hand and foot. She knows the enjoyed the bath she'd given him that evening. The moans he'd elicited definitely suggested he enjoyed it, for sure.

The kids are back in daycare, and Derek is currently in surgery. She has a surgery scheduled in an hour and a half, but it's nothing she can't push. Still, she hates doing that to her patients, especially to the patients she likes, and she likes Mrs. Carmichael. She's a sweet lady in her fifties who's scheduled for an exploratory laparotomy. She's been experiencing quite a bit of pain in her lower abdomen, so Meredith hates the idea of bumping her. Maybe she can ask Bailey or Richard to do the surgery.

 _No_ , Meredith thinks. She can do this. She can push through.

Meredith Grey does _not_ get sick.

If only it were lasagna day in the cafeteria, then she would be sure to puke. Derek and the kids certainly had no problem puking, though once they started, it took them twenty-four hours to stop.

She's screwed either way.

Meredith breathes in deeply, sitting her bottom on the cool bathroom tile. Maybe if she waits a few minutes it'll pass like it has the last few days. The nausea spells have come and gone. She's used to being nauseous by now, seeing as she lived with it for the entire first trimester, and the whole second trimester whenever Amelia took the kids out for pizza or when her brainless husband forgot and brought home a bag of tomatoes. Now she's approaching the third trimester. When she hit the third trimester with Bailey, aside from being huge, slightly uncomfortable, and unable to see her feet, she felt the best she'd felt during her entire pregnancy. The last two weeks of her pregnancy had been two of the most euphoric weeks of her life.

Of course, she hadn't been plagued by the flu, though she had been exposed to whatever wonky virus Dr. Bailey had. Fortunately, it had not affected her or her son.

If she has to have the flu, she knows she needs to start puking and sooner rather than later, so she can get through the twenty-four hours from Hell. She knows she has to stop fighting it and just let it run its natural course. By fighting it, she's only prolonging the sickness, which isn't good for her or the baby. Derek will go ballistic if he finds out she's been fighting it, and then he'll yell and scold her like she's his teenaged daughter again. She hates when he treats her like a child.

No, she has to do what's right for her and the baby, as much as she hates to admit it.

She closes her eyes as she grips hold of the toilet seat to pull herself up. Her breaths hitch as she puts one hand on each wall of the stall and tilts her head down at the toilet, gagging, tempted to just stick her finger down her throat. If the rumors of her middle school youth were true, then she would be a pro at making herself throw up, but Meredith Grey had never been able to make herself throw up by sticking her finger down her throat like the kids in her class claimed she did every day after lunch.

She would definitely have some luck in speeding up the process if she walks in a Pizza Hut. That will definitely do the trick.

For now, she stumbles out of the stall, keeping her eyes shut when the bright lights on top of the mirrors shine at her. Her head buzzes.

She needs to get out of the hospital as quickly as possible.

On her way to the lounge to change out of her scrubs, she grabs the first nurse she sees and tells her to send Derek a message saying she's going home early and he should pick up the kids from daycare. She would text him, but she knows the message would be read out loud to everyone in the OR, and she knows Derek is operating with Alex and Maggie. She doesn't want them to ask questions, so she makes a point to tell the nurse to give the message to Derek privately.

Her nausea is gone by the time she's changed into her street clothes. She almost considers changing back and going ahead with her patient's surgery, which she hasn't canceled yet.

Then she lights up her iPhone screen to read the time. _2:00_ glows on the screen, and her temples feel like they're being stabbed. Her ears ring, and the nausea returns in full-force. She darts into the lounge bathroom, ready to purge.

 _Please come out,_ she begs her stomach acid as she bends over the toilet, gagging and waiting.

Nothing comes.

She sighs, standing back up, resting her head against the wall.

The nausea fades, so she composes herself well enough to make it out of the hospital without being bombarded by questions.

Before she leaves, she makes sure to stop by the front desk to let them know to cancel her surgery if they can't find a replacement.

* * *

Benjamin Whiley may never run a marathon again, but at least he's alive. The twelve-year-old up-and-rising track star passed out during a marathon earlier today. Tests revealed both tumors in both his heart and brain. Derek was able to remove the brain tumor, fortunately, and Maggie has removed his cardiac tumor. Now, samples are being sent to the lab to determine if the tumors are malignant or benign. If the samples are malignant, Benjamin will be referred to an oncologist and will have a long road ahead.

He's only twelve years old. Derek's heart crushes at the possibility of someone so young and with so much potential having cancer. He sees many tumors, day in and day out, and he's seen his share of children with cancerous tumors.

The children are always the hardest, and they've become even harder now that he is a dad. He sees his own children now in every kid that comes into his OR, and it's not easy.

Sometimes he doesn't know how he does it; how he can be both a surgeon and a father. It's no easy task.

He studies Maggie and Alex as they scrub out.

"I don't think I can do it," Maggie sighs.

"Do what?" Alex dumbfoundedly asks.

"Bring a human being into this world. I mean, look at this kid. He's twelve years old, and he might have cancer, and even if he doesn't, his parents are there in the waiting room right now worrying. The worrying would give me a heart attack. No way. I don't know how anyone has children. More importantly, I don't know how any surgeon has a child, knowing all the horrible things that can go wrong with him or her. There's more that can go wrong than right, you know!"

Derek knows Maggie has a point, but to him, it's worth it. The worrying is so worth it. No matter what happens, he would never trade Bailey's smile or Zola's giggles for the world, even though he will worry about them for the rest of his life. He can't wait to see his new son's smile.

Alex chuckles. "Where's Cheerful Maggie today?"

"It's kind of hard to be cheerful when your twelve-year-old patient might have cancer." Maggie rolls her eyes.

"You don't know he does," Derek says. "And I don't think we should assume he does. More often than not, tumors are benign. I'm with Alex, it's not like you to assume the worst. Have you been spending too much time with Meredith?"

Maggie's eyes expand. "Oh, my god!" she gasps. "Maybe I _have_."

Derek and Alex lock eyes, both chuckling.

"Um, yeah, you're going to have to tell Meredith I can't come over tonight like I said I would. I need to surround myself with happier people. No offense," Maggie spills. Derek had not known that Maggie was even planning on coming over tonight.

"You don't want to be around me, then," Alex shrugs. "I'm just as fucked up as Mer."

Derek frowns. "You both do realize I was joking, right?"

"I knew you were joking," Alex winks, but the puzzlement and disbelief on Maggie's face says she did not.

Tossing the yellow sponge in the sink, Derek shakes his hands dry and sighs. He's about to head toward the door when the door swings open. "Shepherd, there you are!" the nurse, whose name is slipping his mind, shrills. He knows she's fairly new. She must have started working at Grey Sloan when he was in DC. The nurse hands him a small yellow post-it note. The handwriting, which he doesn't recognize, reads:

 _Your wife went home. Pick up kids._

His stomach lurches. Despite his constant efforts to encourage Meredith to leave early, she rarely ever does, unless told to do so by her obstetrician when her blood pressure is high. The fact that she's left on her own free will definitely raises his concerns.

* * *

She ends up not stopping by Pizza Hut. In fact, she doesn't stop anywhere; she just drives straight home. Her stomachache worsens as she drives, to the point she almost has to pull over before she reaches the ferryboat.

The ferry ride gives her time to regroup. She opts to take a stroll around the deck and clear her head, thinking that perhaps she'll get seasick. She's never been seasick before, but there's a first time for everything.

She doesn't get seasick, though. Rather, her body reacts the opposite. The cool wind blowing in her air is calming, and every ache in her body vanishes when she's standing on the deck, looking over the beautiful Seattle skyline. The air feels fresh and clean as it brushes across her face. She just wishes Derek was here to enjoy the moment with her.

Once again, she feels perfectly healthy, and once again, she contemplates riding the ferry back. She might still have time to stop her surgery from being postponed.

But, nonetheless, she's already over halfway home, so she might as well go home and relax.

 _Relax._ Why does the term feel so foreign to her?

* * *

Eerie silence rings in her ears when she enters the house. Meredith can't remember the last time she was completely and totally alone in this house without children or Derek or Amelia or her friends. Someone has _always_ been here. In fact, Meredith can't remember a time in the last ten years that she's been completely and totally alone. Someone is _always_ there, and every time she gets a moment alone, someone shows up.

It's quiet enough she can hear the refrigerator vibrating.

A jab into her ribcage reminds her she's not really alone, though.

Her unborn son shifts, and the nausea returns once again. She makes a run for the bathroom. Natural light shines through the house, so it's never necessary to turn on the lights in the house when they're home during the daytime. However, they're hardly ever home during the daylight hours, especially on weekdays. She's pretty sure she steps on a toy on the way to the bathroom, but she never bothers to look back.

Once again, her stomach acid stays put.

Out of curiosity, she takes her own temperature. She remembers Bailey, Zola, and Derek all had pretty high fevers when they were sick. All three seemed to get sick out of the blue, too. Derek was fine that morning, then a couple hours later he was stumbling home, barely able to stand up. As far as she knows, it hadn't come on slowly or in waves like hers is right now. If she wanted him to storm home right now, which she doesn't, she would call and ask him if he'd felt it coming on slowly before it hit him in full force. By now, he's received the message, and she won't be surprised to see him barging through the doors in a couple hours.

She's never alone for long.

Ninety-nine point one. Hardly considered a fever. She's past the point in her pregnancy where her temperature is always elevated, but ninety-nine point one didn't even get her sent home from school when she was a child.

She sighs and walks into the bedroom, kicking her shoes off while sitting on the corner of the bed. She ends up on her knees, curled in fetal position with her arms wrapped around her ginormous stomach. She closes her eyes, replaying her symptoms in her head.

Sporadic stomach pains. Nausea. Headaches. The headaches have been on-going her entire pregnancy, but the wave of stomachaches first started the day Derek first went back to work after having the flu; she was certain that it was the flu coming on, but then it passed, so she didn't think it was a big deal.

But then it returned later that day, and the next day. The sickness arrives in waves. She never knows when the wave's high point is going to hit.

It might be the flu coming on at a slower-than-snail pace. Or it could be something else entirely.

She swallows nervously. Derek religiously takes her blood pressure. It's been on the high end throughout her entire pregnancy, but now that she thinks about it, he hasn't taken it since before the kids were sick. He missed a day and a half of work when he was sick and has griped about all the work he's had to catch up on, so she's sure taking her blood pressure has slipped his mind. It's slipped hers, too.

Meredith looks over at the drawer where her blood pressure monitor resides. She could take it herself, but she's too achy to move right now.

Sleep. She just wants to sleep. Surely sleep will help lower her blood pressure if it's high.

All she needs is sleep.

* * *

Relief floods Derek's body when he reads Benjamin's lab results. Benjamin _doesn't_ have cancer. Both tumors are benign. He sees the relief spread across Maggie's and Alex's faces, too.

"Thank God," Maggie says.

"Thank God, indeed," Derek smiles, staring in his patient's window.

Benjamin has not woken up yet, and regardless, he's going to need to be monitored all night. Maggie and Alex are both off, and Derek was originally on call tonight. Meredith was supposed to take the kids home, but now she's left early and he knows it must be within good reason.

She was going to take the kids home at six, and it's now quarter after five. Whether he comes back or not, he needs to pick Zola and Bailey up from daycare within the next half hour. They'll be hungry, and neither eat well at daycare because, according to both children, " _The food is worse than Mama's cooking."_

Either he can ask Maggie or Alex to pick them up, or he can do it himself.

At this point, he'd prefer to pick up the kids himself, and he suspects Meredith doesn't want them knowing that she's taken off, otherwise she would have texted him. She only has nurses send him private post-it notes when she doesn't want her message read out loud to an OR.

He has one solution.

Amelia.

And, his sister just so happens to be walking toward them. She's smiling - an added bonus, because it means she's in a good mood. That's always a plus when he needs to ask his little sister as favor. Still, he wonders _why_ she's in such a good mood. It figures it doesn't matter; he likes seeing his sister smile. She, like Meredith, doesn't smile enough. Both women have beautiful smiles, and he thinks they should smile more.

"Amelia!" he greets his sister anxiously. "May I have a word with you?" He wraps his arm around her back and drags her into a supply closet, so they're not overheard.

Amelia gasps, her smile disappearing as she stares him down furiously. "Excuse me! What do you think you're doing? You can't just drag the _Head_ of Neuro into a supply closet whenever you please!"

"I didn't drag the Head of Neuro into a supply closet. I dragged _my sister_ into a supply closet," Derek clarifies.

"Oh," Amelia continues frowning. "In that case, is something wrong? Is it Mom? Oh God, she's not dying, is she? Please tell me she's not dying…"

Derek's eyes widen and he holds out his hands. "Mom's fine. Relax, I just need to ask you a favor…"

"You want me to pick up the kids, don't you?" Amelia asks. "Look, normally I would be game, but…"

"No, no, no. I'm picking up the kids. Actually, that's why I need a favor. I'm supposed to be on call tonight, but Meredith went home early and I have no idea why. You know Meredith…"

"The woman never goes home early unless someone threatens her." Amelia's eyes widen.

"Exactly. She just told me to get the kids, and sure, I could have someone pick them up, but I'd rather do it myself so I can go home and check on Meredith, so I wanted to ask you if you could keep an eye on my patient for me. Maggie and Alex are off tonight…"

"So ask one of them to watch the patient? Maggie doesn't have a life. I'm sure she's free." Amelia rolls her eyes.

"Meredith sent the message on a post-it, which means she doesn't want anyone to know she went home…"

"Then why did you tell me?" Amelia laughs.

"Because I know you can keep a secret. Maggie and Alex both have big mouths."

"Oh, gee, am I supposed to feel honored that you trust me to keep a secret? Look, brother, I know you're kissing my ass, and you don't have to worry about me saying anything about Meredith, but I can't watch your patient tonight. If it were any other night, maybe. But not tonight."

"Why not?" Derek demands.

"Because...I...I have a date!" Amelia blurts. "So there, I can't. Sorry, Derek, but I've been looking forward to this date all week. I even bought a brand new sparkly dress and high heels. High heels! I'm not cancelling. I've already had to cancel three times…I am not cancelling again. I mean, I know you've been out of the dating game for a long time, but you might as well kiss your relationship goodbye if you have to cancel a fourth date."

"Relationship?" Derek's eyes expand, and Amelia's cheeks redden.

"Potential relationship, I mean," Amelia clarifies; her left eye twitches like it does when she's withholding information. "Uhh, I can ask Edwards to do it."

"Edwards?!" Derek groans.

"Look, I don't know what you have against Edwards, but she's a fully competent surgeon. She may be the best in the program right now, so your patient would be lucky to have her monitoring him."

"Uh-huh," Derek raises his brows. "So, who's the lucky guy, then? Anybody I know?"

"Um...I don't know." Amelia's cheeks turn beet red.

"So that means yes." Derek chuckles, recalling Amelia's first date. It was the homecoming dance of her freshman year. Derek was in college then, but she had insisted he take her shopping to pick out an outfit to impress the guy. He'd ended up selecting the least revealing dress, insisting that guys didn't like it when a girl's skin showed. The guy had abandoned her on the dance floor and ended up leaving with another girl who was dressed, according to Amelia, " _like a slut."_ Amelia had blamed Derek for making her dress like a " _pilgrim."_

"No, it does not," Amelia scowls, and he's reminded of her fourteen-year-old self.

"Are you in _loooove_?"

"Derek, shut up! God, I'm not fourteen anymore. I'm a grown woman who is entitled to go on a date with a man, whoever he may be, without her big brother having to approve of him first, okay?" Amelia quips, turning around and reaching for the door handle.

"Okay, but remember: no glove, no love," Derek insists.

"You're an ass," his sister seethes.

"I'm just being your big brother," Derek replies.

"You're still an ass," Amelia states, and she storms out.

Edwards will have to do.

* * *

Picking the kids up from daycare proves to be a more difficult task than he had anticipated. It was some kid's birthday in Zola's class, and he brought cupcakes for everyone, which means his daughter is wound up on sugar. Bailey, on the other hand, apparently refused to take a nap, so he's ornery. Between Zola singing loudly in the backseat and Bailey screaming, Derek figures he'll be lucky if he makes it home without getting in an accident.

An accident is the last thing they need today, especially since he just upgraded his Cayenne for a brand new Audi Q7, and it would be a shame to lose all the money he invested into it without enjoying the new car smell for a while.

Mainly, they bought a new car because they couldn't fit three car seats in the back of his Porsche, and considering they have still a while before the backseat will be clear of clutter, buying a new car for him was the best option. Meredith's Mercedes already has two rows of seats in the back, but he wants to be able to take the kids too in an emergency. Today is an emergency, and it would have been almost impossible to pull it off in a few months, with another baby boy cramped between his siblings.

Sometimes he misses the fun engine of his old Cayenne, but he's glad he has passed it down to Amelia, who was tired of always carpooling with hyper kids. He doesn't blame her, especially today. He's also happy she's the new owner, so he can bribe her to take a drive with it when he feels like living dangerously. He hasn't done that in a while, and he's not sure if he'll do it again, especially since Meredith's blood pressure is high enough without her worrying about him wrapped around a pole, but he misses it.

Maybe he should find a race track or somewhere to drive go-karts after the baby is born. Or wait until the boys are older and make it a boys' day out. Meredith might have his neck for encouraging his kids to speed, but he's definitely looking forward to turning the boys into racing fans.

"The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! I tell ya, tomorrow!"

Apparently, Zola's class had watched _Annie_ today.

"Daddy, befored you adopteded me, did I lived with my mean foster mommy and then you saved me?"

"What?" Derek asks his daughter, confused. Isn't _Annie_ about a little girl who lived in an orphanage before rich Daddy Warbucks took her in?

"Annie in the movie lived with her mean foster mommy, then Will Stacks adopteded her, and she gots to be happy then! Annie is so pretty, Daddy. She looks like me kind of!"

Oh. The daycare had shown the new 2014 adaptation of _Annie_ , which Derek has not seen. He had no clue the new movie had changed so many details of the original story, but he's not surprised. Why else make a whole new movie? Derek frowns, not sure how to explain to his daughter that, actually, she lived in an orphanage, like the original Annie. Maybe he can show Zola the original movie, but at the same time, he thinks it's good for her to watch movies with little girls who look like her.

"Oh, honey," Derek sighs, but he's saved by his son's loud shriek.

"Bailey, stop crying! The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! I tell ya! I wub ya! Tomorrow!" Zola sings at the top of her lungs; she is purposely trying to drown out her brother's screams.

He sighs, ravishing in this moment where there are only two children screaming in his backseat. In a couple short months, he'll have _three_ children screaming behind him.

* * *

He parks beside Meredith's Mercedes in the garage, so he knows his wife is home just like the post-it note said she would be, though it's not like he thought she would be anywhere else.

"Mommy's home!" Zola gasps. Bailey finally stops screaming. He's now sucking his thumb. Derek usually tries to remove his son's thumb from his mouth when he can, because persistent thumb sucking causes jaw misalignment, but today he lets his son suck on his thumb if it means he'll be silent.

"Mommy might be resting, so we need to be _really_ quiet," Derek says as he removes Bailey from his carseat and Zola jumps on the pavement. He adds to clarify, "No singing."

"And no screaming, Bailey!" Zola exclaims, pointing at her brother.

"And no screaming," Derek echoes.

"No creaming," Bailey also echoes. Derek releases a sigh of relief.

"Why is Mommy resting? Is she sicky like me and Bails and you was?"

Derek frowns. Meredith could have the flu. The thought had crossed his mind. It has been a few days since he and the kids had it, so it's certainly a possibility.

"I'm not sure, sweetie. Let's just be quiet, okay?" Derek says as he reaches for the doorknob. It's unlocked. He pushes it open with one arm, Bailey's resting contently in the other arm, and he enters the empty living room. Zola tiptoes inside behind him.

"Where Mommy?" Zola whispers as they look around at the empty spacious open area. Meredith is nowhere in sight, but the kids' toys are spread everywhere. There had not been time to clean up last night or this morning. Zola begins to run toward their bedroom.

"Zola, wait!" he hisses, not wanting his daughter to barge in and wake Meredith, if she is asleep in the bedroom. Zola freezes, her gaze frozen on the ground.

"Oh no!" she cries loudly. He grunts.

"Shhh." He purses his lips.

"No, Daddy! No! It's brokeded." She's kneeling now, staring at the floor. Derek releases Bailey, who runs over to his sister.

"What's broken?" he asks, following his son's steps. Derek sees what Zola is talking about now. The screen of the LeapPad is shattered. After Bailey's birthday, they had taken one of the tablets back which Maggie or Amelia had purchased and exchanged it for a tablet more suitable for Zola's age, so both kids could have one. Now, one of the tablets is crushed in the middle of the hallway.

"It Bailey's tablet," Zola whispers. "Mine in my room." She stomps upstairs, definitely not putting forth an effort to be quiet. Seconds later, she stomps back down, holding her tablet in her arms. "See, Daddy! My tablet right here! That is _Bailey's_ tablet! Mommy tolded him to put it away, but he didn't! It's his fault it got broked!" Zola points at her brother. Tears fester in the toddler's eyes.

"Mine!" he whimpers, running over to his sister, reaching for her LeapPad.

"No, this one is mine. Yours is broked," Zola says, clutching her LeapPad tightly.

"NO, MINE!" Bailey yells at the top of his lungs, kicking Zola in the knee. "GIMME!"

"OW!" Zola yells, running away from Bailey. "NO! YOURS IS BROKED! SEE! IT RIGHT THERE!" She points at the broken tablet. Bailey falls down on the floor and begins to cry at the top of his lungs.

Derek's heart falls into his gut.

* * *

Meredith's temples throb. Loud screams have brought her out of a sound, dreamless sleep. The alarm clock on the bedside table indicates she's been asleep for three hours. She's still in fetal position. It's the only position comfortable to lie.

Her stomach rolls. She doesn't feel any better than she did when she fell asleep. In fact, she's pretty sure she feels worse.

But she has to see what the ruckus is in the living room.

She feels lightheaded when she first stands up, probably from the sudden change in blood pressure. Lately, she's become accustomed to lightheadedness in the morning or whenever she wakes up from a nap. It takes her body a moment to adjust to standing. But this is taking much longer than usual.

Meredith stumbles to the door and grips hold of the doorknob, steadying herself. One thing is for certain, Bailey and Zola are home, and they're yelling at each other. She has no idea if it's Derek who's brought them home, or if he had to have someone else deliver them. Part of her being hopes it's Derek, for her own comfort, but another part of her wouldn't mind it being a babysitter who would be less likely to question her current wellbeing. Her nap has just been interrupted; of course she looks like crap.

She spots Derek first, then she sees Bailey squirming and crying in his arms. Zola is sitting on the couch with her LeapPad. Meredith's presence goes undetected at first.

"Mine! MINE!" Bailey is shouting, and it's then Meredith spots the damage on the floor.

Her heart crushes at the sight of her son's LeapPad tablet. So _that's_ what she'd stepped on earlier. She's the reason Bailey is crying right now.

Now she feels even worse.

"No, Bailey, this is _my_ tablet. Yours broked," Zola scowls. She's smirking as she loads her game.

"What's going on here?" she croaks, and everyone's head turns toward her.

"Mommy!" Zola jumps off the couch and runs toward her; she wraps her arms around Meredith's belly. "Bailey's LeapPad broked, and he's saying mine is his, but it's not! He can't have it."

"Oh, sweetheart," she sighs, addressing both of her children. She walks over to her husband and son. Bailey stops squirming, but Derek is careful to hold onto Bailey even though Meredith desperately wants to cradle him in her arms. Derek can clearly tell that, which is why he moves the toddler over to the couch. Meredith is also relieved to sit down beside them. She wraps her arm around Bailey. "Mommy will get you a new LeapPad, okay? Until then, Zola, you should let your brother play with yours."

"But it's too hard!" Zola stomps her foot.

"Then he'll get bored and you'll have it back," Meredith sasses her daughter back, and Zola sighs.

"Okay," she frowns, handing the tablet over to Bailey. "You can play, but _only_ til you get your new one!"

"Good girl," Meredith praises her daughter, who pushes herself in between Meredith and Bailey. Zola rests her head on Meredith's tummy.

"How my baby today?" Zola talks to her other brother. "I hope you're cooler than Bailey, 'cause he's annoying and he screams a lot. I hope you don't scream too, 'cause then I'm gonna go move in with Annie and Will Stacks!"

"Who?" Meredith chuckles, eying her husband.

"Apparently the new version of Daddy Warbucks," Derek replies.

"Daddy _who_?" Zola's peers up at Meredith with wide eyes.

"Zola watched the new version of _Annie_ at daycare today," Derek informs Meredith.

Meredith nods. "Ah, I see."

"And I learned a really cool song!" Zola exclaims and begins singing, "The sun will come out tomorrow! I wub ya! Tomorrow!"

Meredith giggles, though she's fighting the throbbing in her head and the constant ache in her belly. She rests her hand beside Zola's head.

"I was just going to make dinner. Are you hungry?" Derek asks, though she can still see the concern within his eyes. His eyes always speak louder than his words, though she knows he won't say anything in front of the kids, because he won't want to worry them, too. Zola's anxiety has increased as she's becoming more aware of her surroundings; everything worries her, so they're both trying to be careful with what they say around her.

She's not hungry, but she needs a good purge. "I was thinking spaghetti or pizza. With extra tomatoes," she blurts out.

Zola's eyes widen. "Mommy, tomatoes no make you sick no more?!"

She can tell from the look on Derek's face he's thinking the same as Zola. "Zola, sweetie, why don't you and your brother go play in the playroom until dinner. Play _nice_ , though."

"Okay," Zola says. "I'll even let Bails play with my LeapPad til he gets bored." She grabs her brother's hand. "C'mon." The kids run off.

Meredith avoids eye contact with Derek.

"I don't have any tomato sauce in the house. You made me get rid of it," Derek says.

"Bummer, I was really craving it," she shrugs.

"Then why won't you look me in the eye, Meredith?" Derek asks sternly, and she finally does, meeting his concerned blue orbs. "Why did you come home early today?"

"Gee, Derek, you're always telling me I should relax and take it easy. Why are you complaining?"

"I'm not. I'm just shocked...and worried."

"You're worried when I overwork, you're worried when I take off early, and you wonder where Zola gets her anxiety from!" Meredith rolls her eyes.

"Well, it certainly doesn't help when you tell her about cancer and other diseases," Derek grumbles.

"What?"

"The poor kid thinks every time someone has a headache or a tummy ache, they have cancer. I _know_ I've never talked about cancer with her," Derek states.

"And you think I have? Gee, we have a whole surgeon pool of babysitters. Of course I'm the one who's twisted enough to discuss cancer with our four-year-old daughter." Meredith seethes, cringing, then remembering when the cancer conversation occurred. It was when Amelia was working Beth Monroe's case, and Meredith had invited Alex and Maggie over to help finish the pizza. Derek was in DC then, and somehow the topic had come up, so they had to explain to Zola what was wrong with Beth. So they were all guilty for Zola's fear.

"She's too young to be worrying about diseases. She has a whole lifetime to worry about that stuff. I just…" Derek sighs. "I'm sorry for throwing that in your face right now. You're clearly exhausted, and I'm upset because Edwards is monitoring my patient."

"Edwards is monitoring your patient?"

"Yeah, I asked Amelia, but apparently she has a date. She sounds pretty serious about the guy, too. I didn't even know she was seeing anyone. Did you?"

Meredith frowns; this means that Amelia _still_ hasn't told Derek about Owen. The longer she sneaks around, the bigger the blow it's going to be when Derek actually finds out. Maybe she _wants_ him to catch them in the act or something.

"She may have mentioned going on a couple dates," Meredith says. "But I'm not sure if it was the same guy or not. Anyway, don't you have dinner to be making?"

"Right...how's pasta carbonara sound? It's the closest to spaghetti I can get," Derek says.

"That's fine with me," she shrugs, though she doubts that'll make her puke. She needs freaking tomatoes.

As soon as Derek's attention refocuses to cooking, Meredith sneaks back into their bedroom.

* * *

Derek senses something is off with Meredith. First, she looked off balance when she entered the living room. He knows sometimes her blood pressure has sudden changes when she first wakes. He's caught her stumbling around, barely able to stand up straight. He's insisted on taking her blood pressure sometimes first thing when she wakes up and also before she goes to work. There's always a major difference.

 _Her blood pressure._

Crap! When is the last time he took it? He knows it was before he was sick.

"Hey, Meredith…" he calls out; he's just transferred the pasta into the strainer. He hears no response. He turns toward the living room, where Meredith had been sitting, only to find his wife nowhere in sight.

He's quick to turn the stovetop to low and cover the pot before he begins his search for his wife. He doesn't have to go far to find her, though.

She's curled up in fetal position in their bed. Her hands are draped around her growing belly. Her eyes are shut tight. She's out cold.

Maybe she is just exhausted. She rarely gets an adequate amount of sleep, so he knows he can't wake her, not even to take her blood pressure. He makes a mental note to take her blood pressure when she wakes up. Right now, he needs to focus on getting their children fed, bathed, and to bed.

Meredith needs her rest.

* * *

He manages to keep the kids fairly quiet for the remainder of the night, allowing Meredith to sleep. When he puts the kids in bed three hours later, Meredith is still asleep. Derek realizes it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if she slept through the rest of the night. She really can use the sleep, though part of him is worrying about the fact that she is asleep. She must have been asleep when he brought the kids home, and she's still sleeping now.

Derek tells himself not to worry. She's just overworked, drained, and exhausted. If she wants to catch up on her sleep, then she should be allowed to. Yet, a tiny piece in his gut can't shake the feeling that something is horribly wrong.

He sits in the dark, sipping on a glass of wine, secretly hoping Amelia will come home with her date. Chances are, it's someone who works at Grey Sloan. The look in her eyes after he asked if it's someone he knows confirmed it most definitely is.

But who can it be? There are a flock of residents whose names he barely knows. Amelia is young enough to date a resident. She's younger than he was when he started dating Meredith, though Meredith was older than most of her fellow residents.

There are a bunch of male nurses, too. He hardly knows any of the nurses' names, but he likes Tyler. Maybe it's him. Zola could benefit from having a dark-skinned uncle, too.

His brain swirls with possibilities as he sits in the eerie dark, sipping on several glasses of wine. He's had four or five by two o'clock, yet Amelia hasn't come home yet, so he decides to lie down with his wife. He could benefit from some shuteye, too. He contemplates lecturing Amelia in the morning for not coming home, but he pushes the thought out of his head quickly.

She's right. She's not a teenager anymore, and she's entitled to have a private life which doesn't concern him. It's not like he can enforce a curfew with his thirty-something-year-old sister.

Still, she's living under his roof, and he _does_ like to know who's going to be in his house. He does have two, soon to be three, young children to protect. He should know who's in his house.

He makes a mental note to tell Amelia she needs to tell him when she's going to be sleeping at his house.

When he enters their bedroom, Meredith is no longer in fetal position. She's rolled over on her side, but she's now lying with her body angled across the bed, so there's no room for him unless he moves her. He has no intention of moving her.

 _The couch it'll be, then,_ he thinks, turning around to walk out the door he'd just came through. Then he hears a murmur: "Derek." He spins back around toward the bed.

"Mere?" he whispers back.

"Mmm," she murmurs; her eyes are closed still, so he's not sure if she's fully lights are off, but moonlight shines through the windows, illuminating Meredith's face.

"Go back to sleep," he instructs, taking a couple steps toward her.

He hears her murmur something, but he can't make it out.

"What, Mere?" He feels bad for prodding, but if she needs something, he wants to make sure he hears her. "Do you need something?"

He hears her murmur again, this time deciphering the word: "Sex."

He laughs. "Meredith, we can't have sex while you're asleep." Maybe she's actually asleep and having a sexy dream?

But her eyes spring wide open. Wrinkles crease in the corner of her eyes. She yawns. "I'm awake," she whispers. She yawns again. "See?" She slides over, making room for him. She pats his side of the bed, motioning for him to join her. Her pat is weak, though, and he can tell she's still out of it.

"Mere," he murmurs, sitting on the edge of the bed. She closes her eyes again, heaving and groaning. "Are you okay?" he frowns apprehensively.

"Yeah...fine," she sighs. "Just Braxton Hicks."

"You're having contractions? But you're only twenty-five weeks…" He doesn't like the sound of this one bit.

"It's fine, really. I had them with Bailey around this time, too," she says.

"You what?! You never told me…"

"Derek, I'm fine," she says confidently.

"Okay, but if they don't let up, I have to take you to the hospital…"

"Connie's on vacation," Meredith quips. He'd forgotten that Connie is attending her sister's wedding in Hawaii this week. Of course all would go wrong while their OB is out of town. Just their luck. He closes his eyes and sighs deeply, hoping everything is just as 'fine' as Meredith claims, though he can't shake the feeling that it's not.

"Then you'll see someone else," he shrugs.

"Grab my laptop," she demands.

"Meredith, it's the middle of the night…"

"It's been a long time since we've read from my blog," she says. It's true that they've let that slip from their daily schedule, unlike the weeks that had followed his return to Seattle. They also haven't crossed anything new off the list since they'd gone pool shopping. Life got in the way.. "And I've been sleeping for hours. I'm wide awake…" She's glowing in the moonlight, but even so, she still look madly exhausted.

"Okay, where's your laptop?" he asks, ignoring the exhaustion in his eyes. Meredith may be claiming to be wide awake, but he's certainly not. The wine had not helped, either.

"Ugh," she grunts.

"What?" Was she having another Braxton Hicks?

"You need to brush your teeth. You reek of wine," she declares, and he heaves out a sigh of relief. When she was pregnant with Bailey, she would beg him to liquor up, because she wanted to taste the alcohol on his lips. This pregnancy, the smell of alcohol has made her nauseous, and he forgot that once again.

He does as he's told, and quickly brushes his teeth. By the time he goes into the bedroom, though, Meredith is already snoring. Wide awake, huh?

He grabs her laptop anyway. Still worrying, he goes to the living room to load it. He wants to see if she mentions having contractions when she was pregnant with Bailey in her blog, and exactly when she had them. He hates that she keeps these things from him.

Sure enough, he finds it:

 _Infections are like sleeping monsters. You can't feel them, but you must do everything in your power to contain them. Because when the monsters wake up, they're out of control. All that time you spent convincing yourself that the sleeping monster wasn't real, it was gathering strength. The infection was spreading. The monster's awake now, and there's nothing you can do about it._

 _I love McDreamy. I really do, and I'll never stop loving him, but, for his sake, there are some things that are better left unsaid between us. For instance, I haven't told him that I've been having contractions the last few weeks. They're Braxton Hicks, and I know they are no big deal. Of course I freaked out when I first felt them and ran to OB to get checked. My OB assured me that I had nothing to worry about._

 _Do I ever stop worrying, though? Of course not._

 _I do enough worrying; I don't need McDreamy worrying too. I saw the look on his face when he found out that I was taking over Bailey's infected patients. That's exactly why I need Cristina in the delivery room when I go into labor. McDreamy and I will both be freaking out, so someone needs to be there to be real with us and bring us back to sanity._

 _That's why I have Cristina. I know McDreamy will never understand, but she's my better half. She's who keeps me from losing my sanity._

 _McDreamy is my world, but Cristina is my brain._

 _I think I just heard Lovebug screaming, and McDreamy is out cold beside me right now. I have no idea how we're going to manage two screaming rugrats. Wish me luck._

 _Dr. Grey_

He chuckles and seethes at the same time. Cristina isn't here now, although she had not been in the delivery room with Meredith when Bailey was born since she was in surgery. He knows how much Meredith wanted her there. Sometimes he suspects she wanted Cristina there more than she wanted him.

A lot has changed in the last year. Their relationship has changed in Cristina's absence, but one thing hasn't changed: He's sure that he still drives her insane, but he'd also like to think that he's able to bring her back, too. He likes to think that he's become her world and her brain.

He bites his tongue, wishing she were awake to ask.

Derek understands why holds stuff like this back from him and she doesn't want him to worry because she loves him, but at the same time, he's not sure if it fits the footnote exception. If she has to worry, then he wants to be able to worry with her, and she doesn't think she'll ever fully understand that. He knows that there are things he keeps from her because he doesn't want her to worry, but that's different. She's the mother of his children.

He carries the open laptop back into their room and Meredith sighs.

"God, you took forever," she moans.

"You were asleep," Derek says.

"Was not," Meredith argues.

"You were snoring."

"Was not," she protests.

"If you say so," he sighs. _Difficult pregnant women_ , he rolls his eyes, wishing they could skip ten or so weeks. Then he'll have postpartum hormones to battle. He remembers them being worse than regular pregnant hormones. If there is a such thing as anything "regular" when it comes to Meredith.

"So I'm your world, but Cristina is your brain?" he asks.

"You read it," she says, her eyes still closed. "Can you shut the lid? It's giving me a headache, and obviously you already read the entry, anyway."

"Sorry," he sighs. "I thought you were asleep."

"Well, you thought wrong. That's why Cristina is...was...my brain," Meredith moans.

"Meredith, are you okay?" he asks, worrying she's having another contraction and not telling him."

"Peachy. You should get some sleep. You look about dead right now," she says.

He grimaces. "Mere…"

* * *

Meredith winces, opening one eye and keeping the other shut to look at the alarm clock. It's four o'clock in the morning, which means it's noon in Zurich. She hasn't spoken to Cristina in a long time aside from few texts. She has the urge to call Cristina and vent about what a mad worrywart her husband is, but then she would have to tell Cristina she's pregnant.

Cristina doesn't even know she's pregnant.

It's not that she doesn't _want_ Cristina to know. It's not like she's ashamed of her family or the life she's chosen for herself, even if it's a different path and a world apart from her best friend. The thing is, Cristina _does_ judge her, and she's _does_ believe that Meredith's family prevents her from being as good as her, which simply isn't true in Meredith's eyes. Cristina may have said wonderful words about her last year when she left, but her past comments still sting in Meredith's head.

She might not be able to focus her attention one hundred and ten percent on surgery, but she is good. She's just good in a different way. If anything, being a parent has made her a better surgeon, because she's able to fully understand her patients' needs. Cristina will never be able to relate in the same way.

So Cristina doesn't know, and it's okay if she doesn't know. It's not like she's going to visit Seattle any time soon, and if and when she does, she probably won't notice another rugrat running around anyway.

Derek lies beside her and drapes his arm over her belly. The heat from his body radiates onto hers like a furnace. Her whole body blazes like the sun.

She moves his arm, but he moves it back.

"Ugh," she groans. Sweat drips from her face.

"Mmm?" he mumbles. "Are you having another contraction?" He looks up at her, a sense of urgency in his eyes. She can tell he's prepared to take her to the hospital right now if he has to.

"No. Hot," she sighs. "Too hot."

He moves his arm away. "Sorry," he murmurs.

"It's not your fault," she admits. "Stupid overheating pregnant body."

Well, technically it _is_ his fault. She rolls her eyes at the irony. But that's a dispute for another day. She'll save the blame game for when she's in the delivery room having real contractions.

"Mmm," he hums. Even though he's not touching her, she still feels like her body is boiling.

"Feels like I'm in a sauna." She rolls her eyes.

Then Derek sits up and slams his feet on the ground.

"Where are you going?" She doesn't want him to leave.

"The couch," he replies sleepily, vanishing into the darkness.

* * *

Barely coherent, Derek stumbles into the dark living room. He doesn't want to leave his wife, but he puts her comfort before his own. He can manage on the couch. It's almost five o'clock, so it's not like he's going to get more than an hour's sleep before the kids are awake and needing breakfast. Fortunately, he doesn't have any morning surgeries scheduled, so maybe he'll be able to catch a catnap in an on-call room. He doesn't know if Meredith has any surgeries scheduled, or if she'll be feeling well enough to go into work, period.

Maybe he'll be able to convince Meredith to stay home all day, and they can call one of the sitters to take the kids for the day since Amelia is MIA. Maybe she got paged after her date, or she went home with the guy. He won't be surprised if it's the latter, knowing his sister.

He's having those thoughts as he moves past dark shadows. Derek hears a low "Mmm."

His heart jolts. He freezes just a few steps away from the back of the couch. His heart races as he sees the figures moving in the darkness, seemingly lacking awareness of his presence. He stands numb and exhausted, confusion plaguing him as his brain fully digests the scene.

"Uh-hem," he coughs, a sudden surge of anger raging inside him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Derek barks. Immediately, the smaller figure backs away from the larger figure.

Who the _hell_ does his sister think she is?!

He doesn't care if she's brought her date back with her, but it's five freaking in the morning, and she's making out with the guy on the couch like a teenager. And! And his children could wake up any minute. He knows Zola has woken up and come downstairs at five in the morning to watch cartoons while he and Meredith are still in bed. The room is dim, but he's sure as soon as he turns on the light, he'll reveal she's topless.

"It's _five_ in the morning!" Derek barks. "Jesus, if you have to do this, you could do this in _your_ room, not on the living room couch where my children sit!"

"Derek, God, I'm sorry. I guess we lost track of time… I thought it was earlier. What are you doing up, anyway?"

Amelia's lucky that she's his sister, or she would be dead right now.

And obviously this guy has no idea whose house he's in. Derek is about to make sure he knows as he flips on the light, but he's in for yet another surprise.

A shirtless Owen Hunt stands next to his sister, whose purple sparkly dress - the one she'd told him about earlier - is unzipped.

"Owen," he says. "Owen?!" he bellows.

"Derek, look, I can explain," Owen says, fumbling to pick up his shirt.

" _This_ is who you're dating?" Derek slams at Amelia. She nods. Derek glares back at Owen. "You're screwing my sister?!" Derek shouts at the top of his lungs, trying to remain calm and rational, but it's not working out so well. The fury in his veins is building. Plus, he's functioning on virtually no sleep. A lack of sleep never melds well into controlling his anger. His blood boils.

"In my defense, I told you," Owen insists.

"Funny, I don't remember you telling me," Derek snaps back. He would have remembered Owen telling him he was sleeping with Amelia; that, he's sure of.

"You were asleep, I think. It was when were sick," Owen explains.

"What idiot drops a bombshell like this when someone is sleeping? Did you think I would subconsciously be okay with it?" Derek barks. His head is spinning. Suddenly everything is starting to make sense. "So _this_ is why you've been kissing my ass lately and doing all these nice things for me? Is that it? You're an ass kisser."

Owen blinks. "Derek, look…"

"I thought it was unusual, since we've never been friends, and Meredith hates you."

"Meredith hates me?"

He doesn't know if there's any truth to that statement now, but he knows there was at one time. Meredith did everything in her power to convince Cristina to stay away from Owen because he's _dangerous_. He beat Cristina in the middle of the night, for Christ's sake, during a PTSD episode. Derek is not entirely sure of Meredith's opinion now, but he doesn't really care, either. "She despises you," Derek snaps. He clenches his fists together. "Who do you think you're playing?"

"What? Shep...Derek…"

"That's Dr. Derek Shepherd to you," Derek growls.

"Derek, come on, you're being ridiculous. It's not that big of a deal," Amelia interjects. "I'm sorry, I should have told you. I just...didn't think it was that important."

"It's a little late for explanations now," Derek hisses. Without a single thought, his fist slams into Owen's gut, and Owen reacts by shoving him across the floor.

This is war.

* * *

Meredith can't get her body to relax. Since Derek left, she has tossed and turned continuously, finding it impossible to find a comfortable spot in the bed. Even in Derek's absence, her body is warm. She's shedded her clothes and now lies in bed completely naked, her hands wrapped around the swell of her belly. She's had a few more contractions, but it's not the contractions bothering her. It's the constant sharp pain in the mid- to upper-right section of her abdomen. The intensifying pain radiates around her back and chest.

She's beginning to reach the conclusion that she doesn't have the flu. It's not the flu at all.

Zola, Bailey, and Derek all had chills, a fever, and most notably, they vomited. She hasn't had any of those symptoms.

This isn't the flu. It's definitely not the flu.

She runs through the symptoms in her head, concluding it's most likely something to do with her gallbladder. The location of the pain definitely points to her gallbladder. Maybe she has gallstones. Just what she needs. Pregnancy and gallstones never mix well, though they're not terribly uncommon. She's seen her share of cases in her surgery career.

She knows if it is gallbladder disease, they usually won't treat it until after she delivers unless it's really bad, in which case they'll treat her laparoscopically. In general, they'll just tell her she needs to adjust her diet and eat fewer fatty foods, not that has eaten many fatty foods. She hasn't been able to eat many fatty foods because the baby hates them.

How the hell can she have gallbladder disease?

Right now, it's the only explanation making sense in her doctorly brain. She knows self-diagnosis is never good, and she'll need to have blood tests run to confirm her suspicions, but her gut tells her she's right.

She should find Derek and tell him they need to go to the hospital.

She glances at the clock; it's just past five o'clock. The kids will be up soon, so she can wait just a little longer…

A commotion coming from the living room interrupts her thoughts. She hears yelling, but she can't make out what's being said or who's saying what. Are Amelia and Derek arguing?

Meredith is woozy when she sits up. "Phew," she breathes through her nose, closing her eyes. Her ears ring. When she stands, she feels her uterus contracting. "Ugh," she groans, taking a second to find her balance. She hears more yelling, and she slides her pajamas back on.

 _Owen and Derek?_

 _Oh shit._

Derek has learned Owen and Amelia are an item.

Her suspicions are confirmed when she finally makes it into the kitchen, when she sees Derek and Owen in the kitchen with their hands on each other's shoulders. They're shoving each other, and Derek keeps sliding back.

The kitchen looks like a tornado ripped through. Photos, drawings, and their list have fallen from the refrigerator and are now scattered across the kitchen floor.

Amelia is standing in the living room, looking mortified.

"Stop!" Amelia cries, looking helplessly at Meredith, and for a second, Meredith isn't sure if Amelia is talking to her or the men.

"What...the...hell…" Meredith manages to muster. Derek freezes, his gaze falling on her.

"Meredith, did you know that this pig is screwing my sister?"

"Of course she did!" Owen yelps. "The whole hospital knows! What rock have you been living under?"

The color in Derek's face drains as his hands freeze on Owen's shoulders. "Is this true, Mere?"

"I don't know." The loud ringing in Meredith's ears prevents her from focusing on what is being said. She feels like she's on a merry-go-round. "Let go of him, Derek…" The ringing amplifies.

It...won't...stop...

Meredith winces, stepping toward the men to separate them herself, but she doesn't see the notebook paper under her feet.

She slips.

* * *

 **Irene's A/N: If you thought that an update of more than 10,000 words wouldn't leave you on a cliff, you were wrong. Don't worry, though, we'll be updating before Christmas. Thank you for reading, and keep the faith!  
**


	19. Chapter 18

**Irene's A/N: Some of your questions will be answered in this chapter, but who knows, maybe you'll have even more by the end. We hope you enjoyed the video teaser Nicole made, now it's time for the real deal. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you all!**

* * *

 **Chapter 18**

* * *

Time stops.

The fighting, Amelia, Owen and the fact that they're fucking disappears, as Meredith topples on the floor in a heap.

Derek's eyes widen and his whole body stiffens. He's frozen, staring at his wife, apparently unconscious on the floor. A trickle of blood is seeping out of her forehead.

"Mommy," a feeble, broken voice snaps him out of it. He turns sharply to see Zola standing on the last step of the staircase, clutching her Anatomy Jane doll, her eyes dark and wide. "Mommy," she calls again, her voice gaining a little strength.

Derek is shaking.

Amelia is the first one to react, crouching next to Meredith, checking her pulse, looking around to grab a paper towel.

"Don't touch her!" Derek growls. "Don't you dare touch my wife!"

Tears start spluttering down his cheeks as he rushes to replace Amelia, cupping Meredith's face, his fingers on her carotid as he puts his hand on the bleeding wound, the towel becoming crimson. Her heart is hammering wildly under his fingertips, but that doesn't make his breathing come easier.

Meredith groans, slowly opening her eyes. They are still glassy and unfocused, but he manages a weak smile when he sees them again. They are no relief, though.

"Mama," Zola repeats, her arms wrapped around herself and her doll as she stares at them, her eyes filled with tears.

"I'm okay," Meredith replies in a barely audible voice, squeezing her eyes tightly as she grabs Derek's hand. Derek holds onto her for dear life.

"Mere, look at me," he asks, checking her pupils. "How's your head?"

"Der," she whimpers, and he could swear he has never seen her look this scared before. Never.

"I'm taking you to the hospital, okay? I just want to make sure…" he gulps, holding onto her hand a little tighter.

"Not my head," Meredith says, and he's even more scared now. "Gallbladder."

"Okay, gallbladder. We'll check both. We'll go to the hospital and we'll be back home before you know it," he murmurs, even though he's not sure who's reassuring exactly, or why she's mentioning her gallbladder in the first place.

Nothing can make sense when Meredith is on the floor, bleeding.

"I can drive you," Amelia says, and Derek's eyes snap up to her.

"You have done enough," he growls, glaring at her, all his anger boiling up again when he sees how she's holding hands with Owen. "Get out of my sight!"

"Derek," Meredith murmurs, restraining him with a squeeze of his hand.

"Look, you can hate me all you want, but before an ambulance gets here, Mer would have to stay on the floor for an hour. I can drive your car to the hospital, Owen can take the kids," Amelia stands up to him fiercely, and he hates how stubborn and headstrong she is. He doesn't need to fight her right now. He can't. He has to fight for Meredith.

"He's _not_ touching my kids!" he spats.

"Zo has seen enough," Meredith murmurs beside him. "She's seen enough."

He doesn't want his sister and her fuck buddy anywhere near his family right now, but apparently the universe is really having him pay for his mistakes.

"Fine," he gives in, and he sees Meredith taking in a deep breath.

"I'm going to get Bailey, okay?" Amelia says quietly, looking directly into Meredith's eyes. Meredith nods her consent.

"You drop them off in daycare the second we are at Grey Sloan. _The second_ ," he warns Owen, who at least has the good sense to look guilty.

"Daddy, is Mommy dying?" Zola sobs from her spot on the stairs. She hasn't moved an inch.

Derek's heart clenches. "No," he croaks, clearing his throat as he fights more tears. "Mommy just hit her head and it's bleeding a lot, but she will be okay. We're taking her to the hospital and we'll make her feel all better, alright?"

Zola nods in understanding, still frozen in her spot.

"I'm okay. I'll be okay," Meredith murmurs, trying to turn in Zola's direction. "The doctors will fix me."

"I'm scared," Zola murmurs, a lone tear falling down her cheek.

"It's okay to be scared, we are all scared, but it will be okay."

Meredith grimaces again, as Amelia comes back with a bundle of blankets in her arms. Bailey is whining, his hair sticking everywhere as he clings to Amelia. Derek feels sick.

"We're ready," he says.

Reluctantly, he lets Owen help with Meredith, and they both carry her in the backseat, as Amelia secures both kids in the backseat of Meredith's car. He kisses both kids on the top of their heads, squeezing Zola in his arms for a moment, giving her one last reassurance, before he climbs in the back of his old car and places Meredith's head on his lap, careful to put pressure on her head wound.

Meredith keeps moaning and squirming in pain, his heart tightening at every sound of distress coming out of her mouth. He tries to hold her, kiss her forehead where there's no blood and her lips, but he still feels helpless.

The ride to Grey Sloan Memorial is probably the longest of his life.

As soon as they get to the ER bay, Miranda Bailey bursts through the doors, worry etched on every feature as they slide Meredith on a gurney. Amelia briefs her quickly on Meredith's condition, while he follows the gurney blindly, never letting go of Meredith's hand as they are swallowed by the chaos of the ER.

They are shoved into Trauma Room Two, as a flurry of doctors and nurses he knows start poking and prodding Meredith. Derek stands there, staring at everybody, but the only thing he can feel is the firm squeezes that Meredith gives to his fingers. He's numb.

He only has a moment of clarity when he sees Amelia removing the bloody tissue he has applied on Meredith's forehead.

"What are you doing?" he growls, and all gazes turn to him.

"Derek, all the other neurosurgeons are home, she was the one on call. We're calling in Nelson," Bailey explains calmly. "Dr. Hunt cleared her for it."

"Of course," he chuckles bitterly. "When did exactly he do that, before he was fondling her boobs on my couch or after pushing my wife against a table?"

"He did not push her!" Amelia argues, her eyes flashing to his.

"Oh, right, she just fell, exactly at the same time he lunged to punch me in the face," Derek growls back.

"Enough!" Bailey booms. "I don't care what happened. Meredith is sick and bleeding and your unborn son's life might be in danger. Get out of here!"

"I'm not leaving Meredith," he says firmly. "She's my wife, I'm not leaving her."

"Then act like an adult!" Bailey snaps back.

Before they can argue more though, the atmosphere in the trauma room shifts. He can almost smell the difference, after years of being on the job, but nothing has prepared him for this.

Meredith's body starts jerking uncontrollably on the gurney, her limbs flailing as he stands there and watches, sobbing and shaking by her side.

When she finally opens her eyes again, she looks drained.

People come and go, a third year OB resident does an ultrasound and the heartbeat rings clear and strong in the glassy walls of the room. Bailey keeps nodding and examining Meredith, but Derek is frozen. Half of his family is on that gurney and he has no idea what is going on.

Someone asks Bailey for a consult, she leaves, and the chaos continues. The OB resident rushes out, Hunt rushes in, but Derek doesn't even have the strength to kick him out.

He has no idea how long he stands in that trauma room, his eyes on Meredith as she listens and whispers things to Bailey, but he can't hear her. His ears are cottony, his eyes bleary and he feels numb.

Time passes without him noticing, hours probably, and then they take Meredith for scans. He hasn't heard what scans, where, how, why, everything they tell him, doesn't register in his brain.

It's only when he finally realizes that Meredith has been admitted and is now in a room that his brain starts processing his surroundings again. It's already light out.

Derek wipes the tears from his cheeks, knowing that it's not the time to fall apart, that he has to be strong, for Meredith, for their unborn son, for their family. He has to be the rock.

"Bailey, what is going on?" he asks, locking eyes with the frazzled surgeon on the other side of Meredith's bed. Bailey moves closer to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. He doesn't like this, at all.

"Head scans are clean, it's just a cut. We have stitched it up and it will heal in no time. No concussion, no bleeders."

"Good," he murmurs, glancing at Meredith's forehead and finally registering the stitches and the small bandage.

"Now, we can't see her gallbladder very well from the MRI or the CT, since the baby is in the way, but I have to agree with Meredith that they might be gallstones or polyps or cholecystitis, but we're waiting for the blood work results to confirm it."

"Okay," he nods, grabbing Meredith's hand. "You can go in surgically, right?"

"If we need to, yes. We'll go in laparoscopically, though I would probably wait for her to deliver the baby before proceeding."

"Yes, okay," he murmurs. "What about the seizure?"

"We are still trying to figure that out. Right now our main concern is the fact that Meredith seems to be having contractions."

"Braxton Hicks," he nods, remembering the night before like a lifetime ago.

"No, actual contractions. Her BP is through the roof."

"Oh, God," he mutters, squeezing Meredith's hand as the monitor beeps and Meredith moans. Another contraction. And then he remembers. "Oh, God," he cries out, choked up. "I forgot. I had one job and I forgot…"

"What is it?"

"Her BP. I have to monitor it every night. But she was feeling nauseous and sick and then she fell asleep so I forgot. I thought...I thought…"

"Derek, it's okay. We're on it. It's not your fault," Bailey soothes, rubbing his shoulders, but the weight of all this is still over them.

"Where's Connie? Where's Dr. Ryan?"

"Hawaii," Meredith murmurs from her spot on the bed, and his eyes snap to hers. It takes him a second to process what she said, too amazed by her open eyes and the small smile on her lips, but then he remembers.

"I want the best for them," he says firmly, rubbing his thumb over Meredith's hand.

"We have the best doctors trying to figure this out, okay?" Bailey reassures. "I'll keep you posted."

Bailey leaves, but only a second later Amelia appears in her place. Derek's eyes harden, but Meredith manages a small smile. He has no idea how, because he can't bear the sight of his little sister.

Amelia drags a tray closer to him, glaring, before she snaps open a package and wears gloves.

"What are you doing?" he yelps, moving his body between hers and Meredith's.

"Calm down. There's blood on your upper eyebrow. Shut up and let me check on you," Amelia says, glaring at him.

"Get stitches, Derek," Meredith murmurs, bringing his hand close to her lips, then kissing it gently. Only when Derek smiles softly at her he feels the caked blood on his cheek. It seems like every part of him is slowly awakening, the more he's sure that Meredith is feeling okay.

Derek keeps glaring at Amelia as she dabs and cleans his cut, luckily for her in silence. She opts for steri strips instead of stitches, and Derek sighs loudly when she says she's done.

Amelia disposes of the waste, then hovers at the door, taking a deep breath.

"What's going on?" she asks. "Can I even ask you that or are you going to kick me out?"

Derek ignores her attitude after Meredith squeezes his hand firmly, and they both allow another contraction to pass.

"They are worried about her BP and the fact that she's having contractions. Head MRI was fine, but they can't see her gallbladder with the scans because of the baby. We're waiting for the LFT results."

Amelia nods. "The kids are in daycare, Bailey fell right back to sleep, Zola is a little freaked."

"We'll explain to them what's going on when we know more," Derek says firmly, his heart clenching for his little girl. He needs to find five minutes to talk to her and reassure her that everything will be alright. He knows he has to reassure himself first, though.

"Thanks, Amy," Meredith smiles, her features relaxing a bit.

"The baby is doing okay, right?" Amelia asks, looking worried again.

"He is. The OB resident said he is. Dr. Ryan is in Hawaii, but Bailey promised us the best," Derek tells her, locking eyes with Meredith almost as if he's promising her too. He sees Meredith's hand go to rest on the swell of her belly, rubbing slow circles, careful of all the wires and her IV.

"You know who's the best, Derek," Amelia sighs, staring him down.

"Amelia, -" he starts, his voice already filled with a warning.

"You know Addison is the best in her field. You can just give her a call. I'm not telling you to fly her here from Los Angeles, just...call. Hey, I can call, too."

"Thank you," Meredith hums. "It's just gallstones," she adds, though there's something in her eyes that looks unconvinced.

"Still, I have her number," Amelia concludes, before she leaves the room.

Everything in Derek's heart is hoping they will never have to call Addison in the first place.

* * *

When Meredith opens her eyes, it takes her a moment to gather her wits. A swift kick on her ribs brings her back to reality though.

She's in the hospital, she's having contractions and she's not sure she was right about the gallstones. She hopes that self-diagnosing is reliable and she was in fact right at her first guess, because anything else wrong with her would put them back to square one, and she's already in enough pain as it is.

Derek's lips on her temple have softly awakened her, and when she turns to look at him, he looks exhausted. He didn't get much sleep last night, and the strip over his eyebrow certainly doesn't help his appearance. He's still gorgeous, but he looks wiped out. The fact that he's still wearing his pajamas doesn't help either. She feels bad, knowing it's mostly her fault he's so exhausted.

"Bailey is here," he murmurs, kissing her lips gently, the pain subsiding for the second their lips touch.

"Good morning, Meredith." Bailey gives her a tight smile, a smile Meredith knows is to deliver bad news. Crap.

"What's wrong with me?" she sighs, reaching for Derek's hand. Their fingers intertwine in a vice grip.

"Your labs are inconclusive, so I would like to run a CBC."

Meredith frowns. "Inconclusive?"

"Yes, your platelet count is low, but there aren't other clear-cut markers for a diagnosis, so I want to run more tests."

"Okay," Meredith agrees, sharing a look with Derek, who nods as well. When her gaze shifts to Bailey, she knows that's not all. "I know there's more."

"Your BP is worrisome, Meredith. This looks a lot like preeclampsia," Bailey sighs. "We're contacting the OB attending, but as soon as your contractions have stopped I'm afraid we'll have to put you on bed rest."

"No," she moans, and not entirely because of a contraction. The idea of endless days in bed feels daunting. She's only twenty-five weeks, it's a long time stuck in a bed.

"I know," Bailey nods, squeezing her shoulder. "Let's wait for the attending."

"I need to call Dr. Ryan," she demands, locking eyes with Derek.

"We can't contact her, Meredith. We have no way of contacting her. There are other OB attendings…"

"I want the best." Meredith's voice is firm as she tries to stare down Bailey. She knows her former resident has a weak spot for her, she hopes it will play in her favor this time.

"We can call Addison," Derek whispers from her side, audibly taking a deep breath.

"What?" Meredith's head snaps to him, trying to gauge his sincerity. His eyes tell her that he just wants the best for her and their son, she has no doubt about it. The concern in his gaze is palpable. And she knows that a worried Derek would go to the ends of earth for her and their son.

"I'll ask Amelia to give me her number, since I forgot my phone at home. Or Bailey can call her."

"I'm not getting into this," Bailey says, lifting up her hands in surrender and shaking her head. Bailey is a wise woman.

The only sounds in the room are the beeping and the humming of the machines as Meredith and Derek search the other's eyes for a solution. The door bursts open before they can find one, though.

Amelia is standing at the threshold with a worried look in her eyes, looking duller than usual. Her gaze can't even meet Derek's, and Meredith clearly sees her husband looking away from his sister. She sighs, feeling too drained to deal with this Shepherd feud herself. There will be time to deal with this when she'll be bored to tears and on bed rest.

"How are the labs?"

"They don't show much, Bailey wants to run a CBC, but it's probably preeclampsia," Meredith sighs. "I do want a second opinion before I'm stuck on bed rest for the next three months, though."

Amelia's cheeks redden, and she clears her throat. Meredith rolls her eyes. Shepherds clearly have issues listening and executing orders.

"You already called Addison, didn't you?" Meredith says, and Derek's eyes turn even darker. She squeezes his hand tighter as he stiffens on his chair.

"I did. She's not flying in or anything, but she did tell me that she was worried about preeclampsia."

Meredith sighs, sharing one last look with Derek. "Tell her to fly in."

"Meredith, - " Derek begins to protest, but she cuts him off.

"Connie won't be back until next week, I want to make sure we're okay." Her voice softens at the last plea, and she sees Derek giving in. He kisses her gently, and she closes her eyes, exhausted.

She feels drained, and she has had her eyes open for less than half an hour. Her whole body aches, her head is still throbbing, and the dull contractions aren't helping matters. At this rate, bed rest will be the only thing she will be capable of doing, indeed.

Derek is studying her labs carefully as the conversation hits a lull, Bailey excusing herself to continue her rounds, while Amelia sticks around, sitting in a corner of the room. Derek's hand is firmly holding hers, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of her hand as he reads every line and examines every number on her chart. She's too tired to do it herself, and she trusts him with this. She's sure if she tries to read, her head will explode.

A wave of sickness hits her all of a sudden, and she has to close her eyes to keep herself from retching. She knows it's her blood pressure, that she should try and relax, so she puts her free hand on top of her belly and starts drawing circles over the covers. Her son is squirming happily as usual, even if she has a hard time feeling every kick under her palm, since most of her belly is strapped under a belt to monitor her contractions.

The light of the day is dull, even if it's the second week of June. When she looks at the machines, she sees it's already mid-afternoon, that she has slept for almost three hours straight without anyone coming in to poke and prod her, and that it's another cloudy day in Seattle. If it weren't for the beeping machines, she might even be able to hear the light rain she's sure is falling on the city.

She feels awful.

"Derek, I'm sorry," Amelia whispers, and Meredith hears her voice quiver, even if she can't see the look in her eyes. All of a sudden, she doesn't have the strength to open her eyes and follow a conversation at the same time.

"Drop it," he hisses in the angry voice that is all bark and no biting.

"We didn't mean to let you find out that way -"

"What, with you two half naked on my couch at five in the morning? I'd hope not," he chuckles bitterly, and Meredith reaches blindly to find his hand. She doesn't trust him not to snap further if they keep prodding one another.

"We wanted to tell you so many times…"

"Then why didn't you? God, Amelia -"

"I was worried this would happen," she sighs, her voice lower.

"It's not about you and Owen screwing each other, Amelia!" Derek growls back instead, and Meredith decides that it's time to put an end to the argument.

"Call Addison," she murmurs, slowly opening her eyes to meet Derek's first, then turning towards Amelia. The siblings still look ready to fight one another. "Please?"

Amelia is already dialing the call before Derek protests further, and he glares at her.

Meredith shuts her eyes again, tiredness pulling her under again. Everything is too hazy for her to fight sleep for long, but she wants to be awake for this call.

* * *

Derek squeezes Meredith's hand as her eyes close again. She's been in and out of sleep for hours, or at least it feels like hours since they arrived at the hospital. He has no clue how long they've been here already.

"I'm putting you on speaker," Amelia says into the phone, and he turns to see her gloat about it. He knows it's not the time to fight, but he surely feels like arguing with his sister until the end of time.

"Hello," Addison's familiar voice comes out of the phone, and he has to admit, maybe it was a good thing his wife is the most stubborn woman ever. Addison definitely knows what she's doing, and having her confirm the diagnosis might not be the silliest idea.

"Hey, Addison," he greets back.

"Oh, wow, Derek. Hi," she trips on her words a little, clearly surprised to hear from him. "How are you?"

"Good, I'm good. How's Henry?"

"Growing like a weed. I'm sure yours are almost teenagers too."

"Thankfully not," he sighs. "Speaking of kids, Meredith is pregnant again." He swallows, his hand going to rest over Meredith's stomach.

"Congratulations," Addison smiles genuinely. "Is she the reason why you're calling?"

"She's twenty-five weeks along and she's been complaining of a stomachache, headaches and her blood pressure has been high her entire pregnancy," he explains, rubbing circles over the back of Meredith's hand as he speaks.

"It's been a hard pregnancy," Amelia adds. Derek glares at her, wishing she could just shut up.

"The kids and I had a twenty-four-hour stomach bug, so when she felt nauseous yesterday morning we thought it could be that. The resident here is saying it's preeclampsia, but we wanted a second opinion, especially since our OB is in on vacation."

"We can send you the tests and the bloodwork, Addie," Amelia butts in again.

"I was getting to that," he growls.

"Jeez, I'm trying to help!"

"Stop, you've done enough!"

"What does that mean?" she shrieks, springing on her feet, her eyes blazing.

"What do you think?" he says, ignoring all his resolutions.

Before they can keep arguing though, the monitors connected to Meredith start beeping, and they turn to see her seizing again.

His heart jumps in his throat, and the rest of the world disappears. They put Meredith in a safe position as a nurse rushes at her bedside to control the jerking motions.

When Meredith's eyes open again, she looks unfocused and incredibly tired. He has never seen his wife this weak, and he's scared to death. Not even when she died and came back to life did he felt this helpless; right now, not only her life feels like it's at stake, their son is also in danger, and he has no idea what to do.

"What is happening?" he hears from the phone, and he remembers about Addison still on the line.

"She seized," he croaks, unable to say more. He doesn't even intervene to argue with Amelia when she explains more in detail what happened with Meredith, or starts reading her chart.

"Rush the CBC and check her platelet count carefully. Order blood smear as well, and a test for her liver enzymes, okay?" Addison orders.

"Why?" he asks, suddenly feeling like maybe she knows what's going on.

"Do it. Get the results as soon as possible, then call me the second you know more."

After knowing her for more than fifteen years, he knows this is the voice he needs to listen to. He draws more blood himself, wishing she really has some answers for them.

* * *

Addison had already called Charlotte to arrange for a helicopter as soon as she hung up the phone. Just in case.

For once in her medical career, she doesn't want to be right.

Amelia told her that Meredith's OB is on vacation even before he did, and she knows she won't hand off this case to anyone, and not just because she likes Meredith. Not many people would be able to deal with this case, if her suspicions are right, and a resident certainly wouldn't. Since Dr. Ryan is off to Hawaii, she's the next best option, even though she has to fly in from Los Angeles.

Everything is ready for her to leave: her schedule has been cleared for the next couple of days, Jake is okay with keeping Henry, the practice will keep going even without her.

When her phone rings and Derek frantically reads her the results of the blood work she has ordered, she already has a feet out of the door.

"Addison, what's going on?" he asks, his voice harsh and demanding, the voice she knows she can't ignore.

"Derek, I'm coming to Seattle right now. Tell the nurse to prepare steroids for the baby but keep them on stand by. Call me if there are any changes."

"What? You're what?" he splutters, panic filling his tone.

She hates this. She hates giving bad news to good people, and she especially hates it when it's someone she knows. If it were just another case, she would have handed it off immediately to another OB in the area, but she can't do it, not this time.

"I have a medevac helicopter waiting for me at St. Ambrose as we speak, I'll be in Seattle in two hours."

"Addison, tell me what's wrong. What can I do?"

"Derek, I want to make sure my diagnosis is one-hundred percent right before worrying you for no good reason."

"Is Meredith going to die?" he blurts, his voice cracking.

"We won't know that. I'll do the best I can for her and your baby, I promise. Just keep track of her liver enzymes and her platelets. Keep her calm and check if she's still having contractions."

"She is. Are you delivering the baby when you get here?"

"Derek, I have to see her, okay? If I'm delivering today, the baby has an uphill climb, but at least a seventy-five percent chance of survival."

"Odds mean shit, Addison. I need…"

"You need to breathe, Derek. Breathe and keep me updated. I'll see you in two hours."

She hangs up, but her hands are shaking as her cab pulls into the parking lot of St. Ambrose Hospital. She can already see her medevac on the roof.

The helicopter ride gives her all the time she needs to make sure she's not diagnosing rare medical conditions on a whim, though the more she studies the data and the labs, the more she's sure she's right this time.

Owen Hunt welcomes her as soon as she touches down, looking concerned and a little worse for the wear. She doesn't have time to speculate about his split lip though, and she's grateful he leads her to Meredith's room right away.

The sight welcoming her makes her take a deep intake of breath and think about all the yoga relaxation techniques she has learned in Los Angeles.

Derek has his hand grasping Meredith's tightly, his other hand firmly placed on what little room Meredith has on her belly. Meredith herself is lying on the bed, limp and looking nothing like the woman she saw the last time she stepped foot in Seattle.

This is not going to be easy.

"Meredith, Derek," she says quietly, both their faces turning towards her. Meredith manages a weak smile, her eyes dull and drained, Derek grunts something that sounds like a hello, but she's not sure.

She picks up Meredith's chart and reads the values of her last check up. A muttered curse escapes her lips.

"What is it, Addie? Please, tell us." Derek is almost in tears as he pleads, and she knows she has never seen this man before.

"Der," Meredith whispers, trying to calm him down in her own way. "I'll be okay."

"You will be, but I'm afraid I was right," Addison admits. "You have a condition called HELLP," she tells them, taking a deep breath.

"I need help, alright," Meredith jokes weakly, but Derek is clearly not in the mood.

"Addison, that doesn't sound promising," he says, his hand tightening around Meredith's.

"It's not. It's often misdiagnosed because of its symptoms, since they are similar to other pregnancy issues or a simple flu, but your liver enzymes and platelet levels in particular tell me that this is not preeclampsia. Now, I need to check how advanced it is and what we can do to treat it optimally, but -"

"What the fuck is HELLP, Addie? I'm not a moron, okay? We're surgeons, we can take it," Derek growls.

Addison takes a deep breath, ignoring Derek's anger, knowing it's just going to become worse. She's not sure they'll be able to take it.

"Derek, sit down," she murmurs, and his eyes flash. Meredith though seems to understand the gravity of the situation, and tries to sit up. She looks even worse now, but she seems almost alert.

"It's my liver, right?" Meredith hums, surprising Addison for a moment.

"Yes. The values tell me you are practically one step away from liver failure, Meredith."

"What?" Derek exclaims, jumping on his feet. Meredith coaxes him back down on his chair. She holds a power over him Addison knows she never possessed, and she hates to know that today might change their lives forever.

"HELLP refers to a group of symptoms that Meredith is showing. Her low platelet count and the elevated liver enzymes are the markers that set off an alarm bell for me, and coupled with her high blood pressure and the hemolysis, I know now that this is her diagnosis. It is life-threatening, I don't want to sugarcoat it, but we caught it in time to do something about it."

"What can we do?" Derek asks right away, his body language showing that he's ready to spring into action.

"Deliver the baby, first of all."

"Too early," Meredith moans, shaking her head, as Addison asks the nurse to bring in the steroids.

"It is pretty early, and this is why I wanted to be here myself. I'm going to check how the baby is doing on an ultrasound, and then decide how long can we wait for you to stabilize, or if we have to induce you today, okay?"

"Please, no," Meredith moans. "I can take the pain. He needs time."

Addison sighs, grabbing the wand for the ultrasound machine, then starting the exam. She's more concerned about her liver at this point, rather than the baby, especially since the baby's stats seem to be normal.

"Is he okay?" Derek asks, and Addison peeks down between the baby's legs to see that he's a boy indeed. She never would have guessed Derek would have two boys in a row considering how many girls they have in that family.

"He's doing great, but Meredith is not. He's not ready to come out just yet, but it's nothing that won't be treatable outside the womb."

"You have to deliver?" Meredith whimpers, grabbing for Derek's hand.

"I'm afraid I do," Addison sighs.

"Derek -"

"Meredith, what if he lives and you die? What am I going to do alone? I can't live without you."

"I won't die," she gives him a tearful smile, cupping his cheek then slowly bringing him closer for a kiss. "I'll be okay. We can wait a day or two. Give him more time. I'll be twenty-six weeks in three days, his chances are closer to eighty percent by then."

"Meredith, we can't wait," Addison interjects, hating this part.

"But he doesn't have a name, yet," she whimpers, and Addison hates this moment. She has lived through many of these moments, and she can never leave out her emotions. At least they aren't their biggest fans already, but it doesn't make this moment any easier. Seeing a mother ready to sacrifice her life for her unborn baby will never get easier.

"And we'll name him after he's born. Just like we did with Bailey. We saw him, and you knew. It will happen the same," Derek says, his tone apparently calm and collected, even though Addison can see the turmoil in his gaze.

Meredith shakes her head, but he kisses her again, and Addison feels her heart breaking for these two people. She should hate Meredith and Derek, they represent everything she has failed at in life, and yet, she can't. She never really hated them, being honest with herself, and she hates that she has to witness the lowest, scariest moment of their relationship.

"I'll do my best work there," she promises, hoping she's not making a liar out of herself. She's not sure she'll be able to live with that if she does.

"Okay," Derek nods. "Induce her."

Addison studies the chart for a moment longer, sighing again when she sees the latest test results. It's one bad news after the other.

"I have to perform a C-section. Usually, I'd avoid it, because of the hemolysis and the high risk of hemorrhaging HELLP brings along, but your platelets are basically non-existent, Meredith, and with your hemolysis... You won't be able to go through labor this weak."

"I already had a C-section with Bailey, I…"

"It's the safest option. I'll put you under, and when you'll wake up, your son will be waiting for you in the NICU, okay?"

"Total anesthesia?" Meredith whimpers.

"Meredith, it's okay. I will be there, I'll tell you all about it as soon as you wake up, okay? You will be okay, and our son will be okay."

Meredith hesitates for a moment, before more pain hits her and she grimaces, moaning in pain. "Kay," she murmurs, closing her eyes. "Okay."

Addison takes a deep breath, hoping with all her might that Meredith will not be in the twenty-five percent of people that don't make it after HELLP. She's not sure how she will live with herself if she leaves Derek a single father of three.

* * *

He's scrubbing in, and his hands are shaking. He has seen Meredith on the OR table way too many times already, and every time it gets scarier and scarier.

They haven't had enough years together, and he wants more. He wants one-hundred and ten and seeing their grandchildren. He wants a lifetime.

Addison enters the scrub room from the OR, taking a deep breath.

"We'll have to take your son straight to the NICU, I'm not sure how much you'll see of him," she sighs. "Do you want to cut the cord?"

He swallows thickly. "I don't know. I want him to be okay, he has to be okay, and Meredith has to be okay. It's just so early…"

"It is, but I know what I'm doing. I'll ask you again in the OR, then," she says, then finishes scrubbing in and re-enters the OR.

Derek nods, knowing that she's indeed an exceptional doctor. That Meredith and their son couldn't be in better hands, no matter how high the risks. He follows her, coming to rest right beside Meredith's head, on Miranda Bailey's left side.

"It will be okay," he murmurs, locking eyes with his wife.

Meredith looks scared and tired, but most of all there's a special brand of fear shimmering in her teary gaze. A fear that has never been here before. He reaches out and squeezes her hand tightly, looking as her eyes flutter shut.

"Don't you dare leave his side, Derek. Stay with him. I will be okay here with Addison and Dr. Bailey."

"Meredith…" he gulps, because he's not sure he can do that. He did it with Bailey, who was perfectly healthy and could be held, but he's sure that his second son right now is no bigger than the palms of his hands.

"He can't be alone. He's so little, he can't be on his own," she sobs, her eyes filling with tears.

"I'll stay with him, I promise," he murmurs, sealing his promise with a kiss as the anesthesiologists raises the mask and nods to him. "I love you, please don't leave me."

"Worst breakup, ever, remember?" she gives him the smallest of smiles as she starts inhaling the happy gas, slowly counting backwards.

By the time she hits ninety-seven, she's already out.

"Scalpel," Addison says quickly, jarring Derek out of his thoughts, forcing his eyes up.

Addison is cutting right over Meredith's fading scar, reopening the wound, Bailey vigilant on the other side of Meredith's belly. His eyes fill with tears. Not once one of her pregnancies has ended without a surgical procedure. Not once.

No matter how pretty their babies are, he's not putting Meredith through this again. This baby is going to be the last, because he can't risk her life like this anymore. He'll cherish every second with their second son and their two other babies, because he will be the last.

"Derek, I'm ready to take the baby out if you want to cut the cord," Addison says, quickly looking up from the surgery.

He nods, his hands shaking as the nurses helps him into a pair of gloves. The scissors feel cold in his hands as he moves to stand on the other side of the table from Addison.

"There he is," she murmurs gently, as the tiniest baby he has ever seen appears in her hands. "Cut the cord." She nods, directing him to the right spot.

Of course as the scissors snap, there's no loud cry following. He wasn't expecting it, he really wasn't, but it still crushes his heart.

Only then he notices Alex Karev caring for his baby boy, checking his stats and massaging his impossibly tiny chest.

When they hear the quietest mewl over the sounds of the beeping monitors and the surgeons' voices, Derek starts to cry. He can feel the tears soaking his mask as he moves closer to his son and the team working on him, trying to catch a glimpse of him through the frantic movements everyone is making to save him.

All the medicine in the world couldn't have prepared him for this moment, for seeing how impossibly tiny his son's hands are, maybe no bigger than a fingernail. And his feet, kicking and squirming, connected to legs that aren't any bigger than a finger, and yet he looks strong. As strong and stubborn as his mother.

He gets closer to see if he actually looks like her too. He wouldn't mind having another son who looks just like his wife, and acts like his wife.

Derek cranes his neck as Alex announces that they're ready to go, wanting to catch a glimpse of him before following the isolette per Meredith's wishes. The beeping of the monitors though stops him in his tracks.

He whirls around, his eyes checking on Meredith's monitors as everything stops. His heart stills too.

He watches the green flat line move along and along as he barely hears the frantic movements of Addison and Bailey and the scrub nurses. He can't breathe or move or think. He knows nothing but the fact that his wife is technically dead. Again. She's dead again.

She can't die.

She can't die and leave him. Leave Zola, Bailey and their brand new son. He needs people fighting with him. He has an uphill battle, and he can't give him his one-hundred percent if he has to mourn his wife too.

He figured he'd never have to mourn her in the first place, considering their age difference, but she has the bad habit to be flirting with death every chance she gets.

Derek has no idea how to be alone anymore, how to live without Meredith and still feel whole. He'll never be whole again without her.

 _Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

He breathes out. Meredith is alive.

"She's back, Derek. She's back. I'm not letting her go," Addison reassures, but he starts crying again anyway. Maybe he never stopped. At this point, he has no idea.

He slumps on a stool and crouches to kiss Meredith's cheek, tossing his tear-soaked mask on the floor as he rests his forehead on hers.

She's still warm and alive. Still here. Still his.

He closes his eyes and breathes in and out, trying to calm his tears and his erratic heartbeat, needing to be as close as possible to Meredith.

Addison is still operating and talking, probably even to him, but he doesn't hear her. He only hears the now steady heartbeat coming from the monitors, the rest falls away.

Meredith is alive.

* * *

Addison looks tired but she still has a small smile on her face as Derek scrubs out with her and Bailey. Derek is still feeling shaky and unsettled as he watches Meredith's gurney roll to the ICU.

"I'll page you as soon as she wakes up, okay?" Addison tells him, giving him a small smile. He tries to reciprocate it, but he's not sure he's successful. "I'm going to keep an eye on her."

"She'll be okay?"

"I don't know, it's a waiting game. I'm not leaving her side until she wakes up, but I think we were able to stop the HELLP from progressing."

"Good," he says, though he's not sure how good it is. He needs Meredith to be out of the woods, already.

"I won't take my eyes off her liver either," Bailey adds, her eyes warm and motherly.

"Alex told me you can go see your baby in the NICU. He'll let you in if he's doing okay," Addison says, grabbing a few towels and handing him a couple, too.

His eyes lock with hers and he sighs. "Thank you," he murmurs, feeling it coming from the deepest recesses of his heart.

"I told you I'd do my best work, Derek," she says. "Go see your baby. Meredith won't be happy you didn't go with him right away."

He finally manages a smile as she exits the scrub room and he throws his wet towel. He thanks Bailey too as she follows Addison, leaving him alone.

It feels strange to exit the scrub room, almost as if he's walking into another world entirely, even if it's still the same place. People are staring at him, questions in their eyes, but he ignores them and keeps walking straight to the NICU, looking at the floor.

When he arrives to the NICU, he sees Alex fussing over an incubator, his hands already working inside, a team of nurses and residents surrounding the little baby.

"Karev," he calls out, wearing a disposable gown to move closer.

"Derek, hey," he nods. "I have to take him up for scans. I can't let you see him for long."

He gulps. He never expected this. This was not part of their plan. "How is he doing?"

"He's little. Very little. He's on a ventilator because his lungs are still underdeveloped and I can hear a murmur, so I want to make sure we're not missing anything."

"A murmur?"

"It can be anything, Derek. Wait for the scans."

He nods, even though the worry builds up again. He's not ready for this rollercoaster. He'll be the one with a murmur soon enough if this keeps up. He has to be the rock, though, this is not the time to fall apart.

"Can I touch him?"

Alex smiles sadly, shaking his head no. "Later. I'm sorry. I'll let you see him for a second, though, okay?"

Derek knows he has to take as much as he can get, so he nods. "Thank you."

"He looks like Mer," Alex smiles sadly, grabbing a tablet and updating something on his chart.

Derek moves closer, gulping at the sight of his son in the incubator. At first he can only see wires and tubes and tape, but he forces himself to see past the medicine and look at his son. His baby boy.

There are a few blonde strands on top of his head, just a wisp of hair barely visible between the wires and the ventilator. He can count all his ribs and bones, since there's no fat covering his boy, and his skin looks paper thin. And yet, his impossibly small fists are opening and closing, and so are the fingers on his feet. The tag around his ankle looks bigger than him.

He's so beautiful. And he kinda looks like Meredith too, Alex is right. He's not sure, because with his eyes taped shut he can't see the shape very well, but his facial features closely remind him of Bailey when he was just born. Bailey had been bigger, even if he was a small baby; compared to his third child, Bailey was a giant.

"He's twelve inches long and he weighs one pound, one ounce."

"Oh, wow. Wow. He's…"

"Impossibly tiny, I know. He's slightly below average, but you're both small people, it's nothing worrisome. Also, remember how tiny Sofia was? When she was born she wasn't even a pound. Odds are on his side," Alex reassures, squeezing his shoulder tightly. "I have to take him up for a CT and MRI. I won't leave his side. Let me know when Mer is awake, okay?"

"Are you sure I can't come? I promised Mere I'd stay with him, I promised I wouldn't leave his side and I already…"

"Derek, you can't. I can't bring you in. I promise I will take good care of him for you and Mer, okay?"

"Okay," he has to give in. "Just...talk to him. Tell him things so that he doesn't feel alone. He's so little, he needs someone to be there for him."

"I'm there. I won't take my eyes off him. And I'll talk to him and we'll bond. I'm telling you, I'll be his favorite uncle forever," he smirks, and it makes Derek feel a bit better. He knows that Alex cares, and he's a good doctor. There's no one better to be with his baby boy if both he and Meredith can't be with him.

"Thank you, Alex."

Alex squeezes his shoulder, then takes away the incubator and rolls it to Radiology, leaving Derek in the wake of his son.

He feels drained. He has no idea how long it's been since he has slept or eaten or even gone to the bathroom, so he decides to take a minute as he waits for Meredith to wake up and for their son to come back from his scans.

He relieves his bladder, then heads down to the cafeteria for some coffee and a quick sandwich, his nerves frayed and all his adrenaline disappearing. He's ready to collapse.

A familiar voice makes him turn his head to the side and he sees Zola, sitting at a table with her brother and Richard Webber, talking animatedly about who knows what.

Bailey turns around and spots him before Zola, and his blue eyes sparkle as he drops whatever he was doing and careens towards him in a run. He feels his solid weight hit him, and he picks him up, burying his nose in his hair. Part of him still smells like Meredith, and he relishes it.

Zola envelops his leg in a hug next, clinging onto him as he waddles back to the table with the kids wrapped around him. He sits down and places one child on each of his legs.

"Daddy, where's my mama?" Zola asks before he can even greet Richard.

"She had to go get surgery to take out your brother so now she's sleeping and resting."

"She not dead?" Zola murmurs, her eyes wide with questions.

"She's not dead," he tells her, feeling the reassurance seep into him too. It's not much, but being with his children is grounding him.

"Mama kay?" Bailey asks, looking as serious as his sister.

"She will be okay," he says, unable to think about any other possibility. "They'll page me when she's awake," he tells Richard, who smiles softly at him.

"Good. How's the baby?" he asks, a gentle smile on his lips. "I heard it wasn't the easiest C-section."

"He's beautiful. And tiny. And he looks like her. He looks like her, too." He kisses the top of Bailey's head, squeezing him a bit tighter, as Zola snuggles on his other side. "Your baby brother is the tiniest baby I've ever seen," he whispers.

"How come?" Zola frowns. "He's not in Mama's belly no more? You sawed him?"

"Yes, I saw him for a minute, and he's beautiful."

"He is?"

"Yes, even if he's really tiny."

"Baby mall?" Bailey prompts, a small frown on his forehead. "Belly big!"

Derek smiles. "Mama's belly was big, but he's very small. He's no bigger than my hand."

Zola grabs his hand and gasps. Bailey does the same, even more puzzled. "Daddy! But...why?" she asks, looking at him with her wide, questioning eyes. "Bailey was a big boy!"

"Because he was born really, really early. He needed a lot more time inside Mama's belly to grow big and strong like Bailey was."

"Why out?" Bailey cocks his head.

"He had to go out because Mommy was feeling very very sick, and he would have felt sick too if he stayed inside. Uncle Alex is taking good care of him now, I promise."

"Can we see him?" Zola asks, her eyes shining with excitement.

"Can see?" Bailey echoes.

"You can't, not yet. Uncle Alex will tell us when we can see him."

Zola heaves out a deep sigh, making Derek and Richard smile as Bailey mimics her. The moment is interrupted when Richard's pager shrieks.

"Congratulations on your second son," Richard nods. "Keep me updated," he adds, ruffling Zola's and Bailey's hair and making them giggle before he walks away.

"Bye, Gramps!" Zola calls out to him, waving her hand, Bailey copying her once again.

Derek knows he should have said more to Richard, explained Meredith's situation better, but he's too tired, and his nerves are too frayed to keep up a coherent adult conversation.

He's happy to just be in the cafeteria hugging his children, a strange calmness washing over him for a moment as he contemplates the event of the past day. Meredith is going to be okay, their new baby boy will soon have a name and a long fight ahead of him, but he's part Meredith, so the odds are definitely in his favor.

Yet, as Zola and Bailey talk about their new brother between themselves, his heart feels lighter. He's still a husband and not a widow. He's a father of three. They will work out the rest in time.

He kisses Zola's temple first and she giggles, Bailey scrunching up his nose when he places a soft kiss on the top of his head too. He smiles.

He's a father of three.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: Merry Christmas, everyone! It may not be the cheeriest Christmas season in Storm-land, but I hope you'll stick with us for the remainder of MerDer's journey.**


	20. Chapter 19

**Nicole's A/N: We're backkkk! Sorry it's been over a month. This is a complex plot, and we don't want to mess it up. We hope you're still with us to see what happens next in Stormland.**

* * *

 **Chapter 19**

* * *

Doctors are taught to control their faces, but sometimes it's easier said than done.

Maggie Pierce's facial expression tells Derek the news he's about to hear is not news he wants to hear. He would have known that without looking her face, though, because the fact that she is standing next to Alex tells him he must prepare himself to hear the words, "Your son needs heart surgery."

They're standing in the NICU, and his unnamed son lies motionless in his incubator. He's connected to so many tubes. Derek's heart swells as he unconsciously reaches his hand through the hole, stroking his son's full body as gently as possible. Tears well in Derek's eyes. His baby is so tiny and so helpless, and there's nothing he can do to help him.

That's why Maggie and Alex are here. He has faith that they will take good care of him. Everyone at Grey Sloan is on their side. They are so lucky to have so many people who care about their family. He gazes wholeheartedly over his son's frail body, thinking how lucky his baby is to have been born into such a caring circle of family and friends who also happen to be surgeons. Many babies aren't so fortunate.

"My son needs heart surgery," Derek murmurs, unable look away from his baby to look Maggie and Alex in the eye.

"I'm afraid so, yes," Maggie answers quietly. "He has PDA, which is a common complication with preemies his size, and I think it's best if we operate right away."

"Patent Ductus Arteriosus?" Derek says. "Can't we treat that noninvasively with medication? It can close on its own, too, right?" He's familiar with his son's diagnosis, but he's not a cardiothoracic surgeon. He's an expert at brains, not hearts. In a sense, he's grateful it's _not_ brain surgery his son needs, because he can't imagine his son undergoing a procedure he's an expert at. Derek is the best neurosurgeon on the west coast; he wouldn't want another neurosurgeon to touch his son's brain. His son's tiny, miniscule brain, which is about the size of a peanut right now.

He trusts Maggie, though. Maggie is an expert in her field and knows much more about hearts than he knows. He knows he should hand the reins to her, though he hates not being in control when it comes to _his_ son. This is _his son's_ life at stake.

"It can, yes," Maggie answers, "but in your son's case, considering he's so little coupled with the fact that his heart has to work extra hard to thrive because of his underdeveloped organs, I think our best option is to go in and close the vessel. He's rapidly losing blood flow, so the sooner, the better chance he has." _To live_ , Derek adds to himself, knowing that whether they operate or not may very well determine whether his son lives or dies. He doesn't like the idea of making this decision without his wife, but Meredith is still very sick herself, so he doesn't have a choice.

"He doesn't have a name yet," Derek croaks.

Maggie nods. "I know, and you will name him. If we wait too long, he could go into heart failure. I'm confident that if we get in there as soon as possible, I can…"

"Give me the papers to sign." Derek cuts Dr. Pierce off. "Give them to me," he says again, this time weaker and more subdued. He swallows thickly, and his voice softens as he speaks to his son: "You're a fighter, little one. Just like your mama. You're going to make Daddy proud."

Maggie hands him a clipboard with the release form. Derek doesn't bother reading the words on the page. He knows what it says. He's granting the doctors, his friends and family, permission to do whatever it takes to save his son's life. His heart feels like it's about to explode as he hands the clipboard back to Maggie.

He feels a hand touch his back. Maggie and Alex are both still in front of him. He lifts his head to see Miranda Bailey behind him. His shoulders stiffen as he collects himself. Miranda hands him a tissue, so he quickly dabs his eyes and folds the tissue in his hand.

"How's Meredith?" His voice sounds raspy, and he hates how he's wearing his emotions on his face like a three-year-old, not a world renowned neurosurgeon, but it's only been a couple hours since he witnessed his wife coding on the table during their son's premature delivery. He doesn't know how else he's expected to react. He's only acting like any father and husband would in this situation. He's not a surgeon right now, and he knows that.

"Actually, that's why I'm here," Miranda says. His heart races. "She's awake. Addison is talking to her now. You can see her. You should."

Derek blinks, shamelessly releasing a tear to stream down his cheek. His eyes don't leave his baby. "He doesn't have a name, yet," Derek says, and it occurs to him Meredith hasn't even seen their baby yet. The idea of his son going into the operating room without his mother having met him makes Derek's insides turn. He doesn't feel comfortable making this decision without his wife.

He looks back at his son. " _Don't you dare leave his side."_ Meredith's words reverberate in his head. His tiny baby can't be on his own, he needs one parent with him, and since Meredith can't be with him right now, that parent has to be his father. He wants to see his wife, he does, but his son needs him.

"I can't leave him," Derek answers abruptly. "Meredith knows. She told me not to leave his side, and I won't. I can't."

"Derek, we need to operate now, and you can't be in the OR with him. It's against hospital protocol, and you know that," Maggie says.

"You're his aunt. It's against hospital protocol for surgeons to operate on family members, too," Derek quips.

"If you don't want me operating, I can find another surgeon. It might take a while, though, and it could be too late by then," Maggie answers, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I want you operating on him," Derek clarifies. "You're the best chance he has. I don't want another surgeon, but that's my point. We make exceptions all the time. I'm on the board, and as a board member…"

"Derek, stop there." Miranda cuts him off. "I know you want what's best for your son, but you _cannot_ be in the operating room with Karev and Pierce while they're operating on _your son_. When my little boy was sick and you all were operating on him, I was just like you. I wanted to be with him, too, but I was held back, and there's a reason for that, and it's a damn good one. As a fellow board member, I'm saying no. There's not a person on the board who would allow you in that OR, and you know that."

"Meredith…" Derek mumbles, knowing he won't win against Miranda. Why did he vote for her again? He should have picked Karev. Alex would take his side. Alex understands Meredith's wishes. He wishes Alex would say something in Derek's favor, but Meredith's friend remains mute. "Meredith would want me in there."

"Maybe she would, but Meredith is not qualified to make that decision right now. Derek, I need you to go see your wife. Pierce and Karev will see that your son get the best care. You couldn't ask for a better team on your son's side." Miranda Bailey's voice is firm and unwelcoming to a dispute.

"I was just about to page Addison, too. She'll be there as well. She's the best neonatal surgeon in the _country_ ," Alex adds, finally speaking, but they're not the words Derek wants to hear.

He knows they're right. They're all right.

His son is in good hands, but that doesn't make leaving his side any easier. He asks Alex if it's alright to take a picture with his phone before he goes. Just in case he doesn't get another chance.

Derek sends the picture of his son to both his and Meredith's phone, so he has a copy when he finds the time to go home and get his phone.

He realizes as soon as he sends the photo that his wife also likely left her phone at home. _There wasn't time_.

Derek hopes he gets a chance to take a better photo of his baby boy. He hopes he gets many more chances, because this isn't how he wants to remember his youngest son.

* * *

Meredith aches. Her body has never been this sore before, not even after the plane crash. After the plane crash, she's pretty sure her body went into shock, because she felt nothing. Nothing at all.

Now she feels everything.

As her eyes blink into focus, she sees a face she knows too well standing at the edge of her bed. It takes Meredith a moment to put the situation into context. She knows she's in a hospital. She knows she's just had surgery.

 _My baby_. She thinks as her hand, which is connected an IV tube, hovers over her empty stomach. Memories come flooding back to her.

She's just had a baby.

"Where is he?" she croaks, blearily searching the room. No one else is in the room. Her throat burns. She needs water or ice chips, but she doesn't ask for liquid. Instead, she asks again, "Where _is he_?"

The woman smiles kindly. "He's in the NICU. Derek is with him," Addison says, and Meredith feels some of the tension in her body release.

"Good," she breathes out. "He's going to be okay, right? Did he look okay?" A picture of Derek holding Bailey flashes in Meredith's mind, and she remembers how cute Bailey looked. She knows that her new son doesn't look like Bailey did.

Addison furrows her eyebrows, and Meredith knows it was a stupid question to ask. Her son was born at twenty-five weeks; he needed more time. She was supposed to protect him, and she couldn't even do that. Now, he's out in the world and she can't protect him.

"Alex is with him and was going to take him for an MRI and CT. He said he'd page me with the results, and he hasn't yet done that yet," Addison informs Meredith. Meredith sighs. "That's _good_ news, Meredith. In this case, no news is good news."

She hopes Addison is right, but Meredith's heart is still heavy, and she can't release the anxiety lingering within her. Meredith is well aware that her son has a long, hard battle ahead, no matter what the results of his MRI and CT test are now.

"How are you feeling, Meredith? On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the worst?" Addison asks her. Meredith sees the iPad in Addison's hand, and she knows Addison has her chart pulled up.

"This feels weird," Meredith admits.

"What does?"

"You being my doctor. My son's doctor. It feels weird," Meredith responds. "Shouldn't Dr. Bailey be here?" It's not that she doesn't trust Addison, she knows she has the best intentions, but she would rather Addison be with her son. Dr. Bailey is the general surgeon on her case and will likely be the one monitoring her health after Addison returns to Los Angeles.

"It is a little weird, considering," Addison admits. "But it's been many years."

"Many years," Meredith echoes, widening her eyes.

"I'm married." Addison smiles, showing Meredith her ring finger.

"I heard," Meredith says. "And you have a baby boy, right?"

Addison chuckles. "Well, he's not so much of a baby anymore. He's three years old."

"They grow up fast," Meredith says, and then it dawns on her: Addison isn't here as her general surgeon. She's not here to talk about Meredith's current health condition. Addison only cares about specific organs. Meredith sighs. "I'm not having anymore, am I?"

Addison's facial expression doesn't change, and she says, "Legally, I can't tie a woman's tubes without her consent, so physically, you are still able to have children," she answers, "but…"

"But I shouldn't," Meredith finishes Addison's sentence.

"As your doctor, I would highly advise against it, considering the challenges you faced throughout this pregnancy, and I looked at your file and saw that you had a difficult delivery with your first as well," Addison responds. She takes a deep breath. "But," she says, "I would also advise you think long and hard about this decision, and of course, discuss it with Derek. You have six weeks to think about it."

"Right," Meredith says, wishing she could turn over on her side to find a more comfortable position, but she's too sore to budge. "May I see my chart, please?" Meredith asks, pointing at Addison's iPad. Before Addison responds, though, Amelia walks in.

"Oh, Meredith, you're awake! That's fantastic," Amelia smiles brightly. "By the way, you and my brother make beautiful babies, if I must say myself, though I'll definitely say he takes after you. Both he and Bailey are mini-Merediths."

Even through the headache stabbing her temples, Meredith recognizes what's going on. She tries to sigh, but the effort is too painful. Instead, she shakes her head. She's a little jealous that Amelia saw her baby before her, though.

"Amelia, this isn't your fault. You know that, right?"

Amelia frowns at the same time Addison looks at her phone. Meredith's stomach twists when she sees the look on the redhead's face. She leaves the room without saying a word. The sick feeling in Meredith's insides intensifies.

"I just, I still feel responsible," Amelia admits after Addison is gone.

"Don't," Meredith says sternly. "I was a ticking timebomb. It was only a matter of time. Bailey and Zola arguing could have just as easily set my body over the edge. If anything, you saved my life. If I hadn't gone to the hospital when I did, we wouldn't have found out what was really going on. I'd been feeling sick for a few days."

"You didn't say anything," Amelia whispers.

"I know," Meredith says. "It's my fault it got to this point, not yours, so please don't beat yourself up, no matter what Derek says; and don't let Owen blame himself, either."

Amelia nods. "I still feel bad, though," she says. "Look, I was going to head home for a bit. Do you need anything? I was going to say something to Derek, but I see the way he looks at me. He blames me, I know he does, so I'm glad you don't, even if maybe you should, but…"

"Amelia, stop there," Meredith cuts her off. She hadn't grabbed anything when she left the house. Not even her iPhone. They'd left in such a hurry. "If you could bring my phone, that'd be great. I think it's in our bedroom on the end table."

"I can do that," Amelia says. "I think Derek said he left his phone at home, too. Any idea where it'd be?"

Meredith shakes her head, trying to picture when she last saw him with it, but she can't. She was so out of it earlier, and her temples are still throbbing. "I don't know," she says.

"I'll see if I can find it," Amelia says, just as Meredith sees a familiar figure standing in the doorway. "I'll be back," Amelia says abruptly, exchanging a quick glance with her brother before storming past him.

* * *

Derek wonders why Amelia was in Meredith's room, but his mind is in too much of a haze to speculate. He's still angry with his sister, but he's angrier at Owen than Amelia. He can't explain it, but it's always been hard for him to stay mad at Amelia for long. She bugs him to no end, but when he looks at her, he still sees the helpless five-year-old in the grocery store he'd held while a man took a gun to his father's head. He knows Amelia is a grown adult now, she said so herself, and she's more than capable of making mistakes, but she'll always be his kid sister and he loves her.

He has zero emotional attachments to Owen Hunt. The man is his boss. He's also _Amelia's_ boss. He knows better than to get involved with his subordinates!

As he looks at Meredith, he realizes how hypocritical he sounds, and he knows his hypocrisy would be thrown in his face should he ever voice the thoughts he's just had.

On the way to Meredith's room, Derek had been overwhelmed with butterflies in his stomach. In a sad sense, he didn't _want_ to see Meredith. He doesn't want to see her like this. He _hates_ seeing her like this. His wife is one of the strongest women he's ever met. She may be tiny, but she's fierce. To see her immobilized and confined to a hospital bed is gut-wrenching.

He remembers after Bailey was born, how Meredith was willing to give up her hospital bed for other patients, even though she had just undergone a major abdominal surgery and could not move. Bailey's birth had been a complete different situation, though. Even though Meredith had needed her spleen removed, she did not feel ill prior to going into labor with their first son. She'd had a fall, but the complications had arisen after delivery, not before, and he had not been in the room at the time.

It's only been a few hours since he witnessed his wife coding. It's only been a few hours since she literally died on the operating table moments after their tiny son entered the world.

He remembers after Bailey was born when Meredith told him about how she defiantly went against orders and tricked April Kepner into getting her a wheelchair so she could see Richard when he was sick. Meredith was strong-willed and she was stubborn, and to see any other version of his wife, where she isn't ordering people around, is impossible for Derek to conceptualize. It's one reason Derek can't imagine Meredith ever getting Alzheimer's, but Ellis Grey, too, had been a strong, confident woman, and she had gotten Alzheimer's. Derek can only imagine how difficult that had been for Richard to witness.

Derek pushes those grim thoughts out of his head as his gaze falls to his wife.

He's never seen her look more exhausted. It's like he's lost the ability to form words as he stares at his wife. He wants to take her into his arms and hold her, tell her that they'll get through this, that everything will be okay and their son will be fine, but he just stands there, staring at her. He feels numb.

Meredith is the one to break the silence. "Derek, where is he? Why aren't you with him? You promised…" His heart sinks. He'd told Dr. Bailey.

"I...I...he…" Why can't he find the fucking words to say? He gazes at his wife, seeing her face beg him for answers. The worry plaguing her face makes him nauseous. His cheeks burn as he walks toward her and kneels beside her bed. He grabs her hand, careful not to pull too hard and cause strain on the IV connected to her vein.

Meredith looks terrified. "He's not...he can't be…he's fine, right? Derek, tell me he's fine…"

* * *

Meredith knows her son isn't fine. He was born at twenty-five weeks, four days. He's not fine at all, and he has a long road ahead, assuming he's still alive.

Derek is scaring her. Why isn't Derek with their son? He promised not to leave him, just like he hadn't left Bailey. He'd only left him with Alex for a short while before Bailey had been brought to her room when she woke up following surgery.

 _Alex. Alex must be with him_ , Meredith thinks, knowing Alex will take care of her baby like he were his own. She's never seen her husband look _this_ scared, though, and that terrifies her. She notes the wrinkles creased around his eyes. He looks half dead himself, and Meredith can't begin to imagine how difficult his has been for him. The sad part is, she also knows this is just the beginning.

"Derek, talk to me," she whispers. "Please, you're freaking me out…"

He nods, cupping her fist tighter with his warm hands. "I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I'm so sorry."

Her heart races. _He's dead. He's gone_. Meredith's insides twist into a tight knot. She still feels dizzy, like she did when her blood pressure was high. She knows her blood pressure won't just return to normal automatically; it's only been a few hours since she got out of surgery, but Addison said she is confident she was able to stop her from getting any worse, and her stats should return to normal soon.

Damn, she still feels horrible.

"They're prepping him for surgery," Derek says finally.

"Surgery," Meredith echoes, her breathing returning somewhat to normal, but she still can't shake the aching throb in her temples. She's relieved, though not surprised. She had anticipated her son would need surgery soon after birth, considering how early he was born. There were any number of reasons he could need surgery for; all of his vital organs, especially his lungs, were underdeveloped. "Who's they?" _That's why Addison left in a hurry_ , she concludes.

"Maggie and Alex, and I'm assuming Addison, were going into the OR with him," Derek says. "They'll take good care of him. He'll be fine, Mere. He has to be fine."

"I want to see him," Meredith says suddenly. "I want to see my son."

"Meredith, you've just had a major abdominal surgery," Derek replies, staring her down. "You know that. You can't…"

"Tell them to bring him to me before he goes into the OR," Meredith orders, tears building in her eyes. "It's not fair, Derek. I haven't even met him yet, and he's having surgery. I'm his _mother_. I have to meet him. They can't operate on him without me meeting him first!"

"Meredith…" Derek whispers, knowing that the odds of him getting their preemie son brought to his wife's room are slim to none. He remembers after Sofia was born, after Callie's series of operations, how Meredith and her friends had joined together to bring her to see Sofia through the glass of NICU. Sofia didn't need surgery at that very moment, though, and it'd been more than a week.

It's only been hours since Meredith left the operating room.

"Promise me, Derek," Meredith murmurs, and his heart clenches. He can't bear to break another promise to his wife; he's broken too many promises already.

"Meredith." He feels helpless, and the plea in his wife's eyes makes his chest tighten. He exhales slowly. "I'll see what can do, I promise," he whispers, squeezing her hand firmly before leaving her side to track down his son. He's afraid he's going to be eating his words once again.

* * *

Cristina would have told her to wait until he's cuter, but Cristina isn't a parent and she never will be. It's her choice, and Meredith respects her decisions.

In that moment, despite Cristina's lack of understanding of parenthood, Meredith misses her friend. She loves Derek, and she's grateful to go through this rollercoaster called life with her loving, caring husband, but she misses her person. Her other half.

She and Cristina are totally different people, but they balance each other somehow. Cristina was the yang to Meredith's yin. Or maybe not. A long time ago, Meredith looked up the definitions of _yang_ and _yin_ , just for the heck of it. She discovered that, according to Chinese philosophy, yang is defined as, "a positive and active male principle," whereas yin is defined as, "a negative, passive female principle." At the time, Meredith thought it was sort of ironic, since Cristina's last name was _Yang,_ and she was definitely not a positive and active male principle.

Maybe Cristina isn't her yang after all.

According to Chinese philosophy, _Derek_ is the yang to her yin. _Derek_ is her other half. She doesn't need Cristina. She needs Derek. Derek, as he's pointed out numerous times, is her husband. He's the father of her children. He's the love of her life.

Cristina was her best friend. Was. She's gone now, and she's not coming back.

Meredith's temples pound. She just wants to see her baby boy.

It might be ten or forty minutes that pass. Meredith doesn't know. She drifts into a dreamless sleep, but is brought out instantly when Derek walks back in. He's holding her son.

Meredith blinks, wishing that she's just woken up from a horrible nightmare. She stares at Derek and her little boy in a daze, clueless for a moment.

"Mama!" Bailey waves from his father's arms.

Meredith sighs, grunting. "Derek, this isn't funny," she whispers.

"I'm sorry, I tried to find him, but they'd already taken him into surgery. I couldn't stop them," Derek says. "You said to get your son, so...I got Bailey." The pitch in his voice changes. "Right, Bails?"

"Mama owie?" Bailey frowns, looking at Meredith. Meredith hates that Derek has brought Bailey to see her like this, in this condition. It's going to confuse him, but she's glad to see him, nonetheless. She's worried about Zola and Bailey, too, in this mess. She figures it's better they be open and honest with the kids about what's happened, because they're going to be confused no matter what.

She manages to muster a smile. "Come here, my big boy," she waves Derek and Bailey over. Derek walks over to her bed, still holding on tight to Bailey.

"Give Mama kisses?" Bailey asks. Derek smiles, leaning Bailey over Meredith's bed, still holding onto him, so Bailey can kiss Meredith's forehead. "Feel betta?"

"Much better," Meredith whispers, holding back tears. "Mommy loves you, Bails."

"Mama wuv!" Bailey exclaims excitedly.

"Where's Zola?" Meredith asks, worrying again, remembering that Zola saw her in the kitchen bleeding. A chill of déjà vu runs down her spine. "Is she okay?"

"She was a little shaken earlier when I talked to her, but everyone's taking good care of her and Bailey. She was napping in daycare when I went down. The teacher said it's the first she's slept since we came in. I didn't want to wake her," Derek explains; Meredith studies the dark circles and wrinkles creasing around her husband's eyelids. She knows Zola isn't the only one suffering from lack of sleep.

"It's fine. I'm glad you didn't," Meredith says. "You should get some sleep, too. You look half dead, no offense."

"Meredith, I'm fine," Derek insists.

"Derek, I don't want to be the reason you drop dead from sleep deprivation. Please, lay down and take a nap. I can hold Bailey…"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Derek contradicts. "Besides, I can't...I can't sleep until he's out of surgery and I know he's all right."

Meredith's heart swells, knowing exactly how her husband feels, though she still feels out of it, and she knows she could easily fall back to sleep if she wanted. She's going to try her best to stay awake, because she doesn't want to risk missing important information about her son's condition again. The idea of him being in surgery and she hasn't even met him is still nauseating.

"Okay," she murmurs. "If I can't hold my sons, at least let me give Bailey a hug."

Derek nods, positioning Bailey close to Meredith's chest but still holding him firmly so he levitates above Meredith. Meredith's arms are still stiff from the multiple tubes connected to her, but she manages to wrap one arm around her older son. She can't believe how big he's getting.

"Mommy loves you so much," she whispers in Bailey's ear. "Never, ever forget that, okay?"

''Kay," Bailey says back, kissing her on the cheek. Meredith's heart warms as she nuzzles Bailey's forehead. "New brodder?" Bailey asks.

"Yes, you have a new brother," Meredith tells Bailey. "I love you boys and your sister so much." She knows nothing compares to the feeling of motherhood.

She just wants to have all three of her children in the same room, safe and sound.

Being a mother is magical.

* * *

Derek stares quietly at the scene in front of him, taking in the way Meredith holds their oldest son, her eyes tired and shiny with emotions. She looks unbelievably beautiful, in spite of the fact that she almost died and she's still not back to her full self.

He could stare at her cuddling with their children for hours and never get bored. He can't wait to see her with their new baby. He needs him out of surgery right now.

A knock on the door interrupts his gazing, and Derek turns to spot Amelia, holding a duffel bag and wearing a somber expression on her face.

His face hardens. He's not going to yell at his sister with his wife and child in the room, but anger boils in veins again. He's not ready to forgive her what she did.

"I brought your phones," Amelia says quietly, ruffling Bailey's hair and making his son giggle as she hands Meredith her red iPhone.

"That was quick," Meredith comments, but it dies there, with only a look passing between the two women.

When she hands him his own phone, Amelia's eyes are shooting daggers. He glares back, snatching his device from her.

He immediately opens his messages, finding the photo of their baby boy he sent from Alex's phone. He sighs, his heart clenching as he misses him. He can't believe his son is allowed to be all alone, as tiny as he is. Unfortunately, he knows they still can't see him just yet, especially not Meredith.

"Mer," he turns away from Amelia, trying to ignore her presence altogether, even if he can feel her murderous looks on the back of his head. "Open your iMessages."

"What? Why?"

"I sent you a photo of our baby. It's from Alex."

She immediately touches a few buttons, then she freezes, taking a deep breath. She eyes Bailey, then looks down at her phone again. Meredith inhales and exhales slowly again, then she puts her phone down, kissing Bailey's forehead instead, nuzzling her nose into his neck and making him giggle.

Bailey yawns, cuddling tighter against Meredith, making her wince.

"Alright, I think it's time for a nap, big boy," Derek says, trying to inject enthusiasm in his tone, no matter how exhausted he feels.

"Do you want me to take him up?" Amelia asks, and he wants to groan.

"I'm perfectly capable of taking my son up to daycare alone," he growls instead, and Amelia lowers her gaze.

"You can stay here, keep me company," Meredith suggests, even though she looks just as exhausted as their yawning son.

Amelia's face lights up and he quickly picks up Bailey again. He can't stay in her presence a minute longer, or he'll snap, and Bailey doesn't need to hear them fight.

Meredith clings to Bailey for a second, and so does the boy, as they say their goodbyes. He feels bad, keeping the two apart, but they both need rest. They'll figure out the perfect timing for a visit.

"You'll see Mommy in no time, Bailey," he murmurs to his son as he rests his cheek on his shoulder.

Bailey feels big in his arms, now. He remembers the first time he held him, how tiny he was, how vulnerable and fragile. It's nothing compared to what their second son is like. He's looking forward to holding him just as tightly as he's holding Bailey, keeping him safe and sound from the harms of the world, as they rock to sleep together.

Derek rubs Bailey's back as they ride the elevator, feeling his son's body grow slack, his breathing evening out. He loves it. He loves being there for the moment they go to dreamland without a care in the world. He loves the innocence on their faces, and the heaviness of their bodies. He can't wait to feel their new baby boy's weight on him like this.

Bailey is asleep as soon as they walk in the daycare, and he immediately puts him down on a bed, tucking him in carefully. He kisses his forehead, whispering an "I love you, Bails. Sleep tight," then he exits the darkened room.

Just outside of the closed door, Zola comes running towards him, her hands up high, ready for a hug. He crouches down and pulls her close, holding her tightly, probably squeezing her a bit; she doesn't seem to care.

"Daddy, I missed you," she murmurs into his neck, and he gives her another firm squeeze.

"I missed you too," he hums, kissing her temple.

"Why was you with Bailey?" she asks, pulling away, as he straightens up again.

"I was bringing him back for his nap."

"He gots to see my baby brother?" she frowns.

"No, he was with Mommy. She's awake now."

"Oh!" Her face lights up and she breaks in a smile. "I wanna see Mommy, too!"

"Zola," he sighs, feeling bad. "Mommy is very tired now, she needs her rest. Maybe later."

"No," Zola says firmly, staring him down. "I wanna see Mommy now."

"Zola, no."

"Right now, Daddy."

He knows it's a tantrum, but he's too tired to say no to her, to put up a fight. He wants his life to be simple again. Simpler. He and Meredith never had it easy from the very start, but he figured it was coming, he figured they'd reach a plateau. Apparently not.

"I wanna see my baby brother, then. Mommy or Baby," Zola pushes, her hands on her hips, bossy just like Meredith.

"You can't see your baby brother because he's sleeping in a very special place now. Only very few people are allowed there. Not even Mommy and I can see him," he admits, his heart clenching.

Even if his son is not in surgery anymore, they'll definitely never allow Zola in the NICU. Risks of infections skyrocket with children, and they can't expose their fragile son to all that. They'll be lucky if they get a couple of hours a day with him at first. Either way, he'll make every second count.

"How come?"

"Because he doesn't have all the defense mechanisms we have to fight viruses and bad infections like we do, and we can't expose him at all."

"I'm not sick no more. My belly is super fine! Miss Wendell even gave me chocolate," she argues.

"I know, but it's really complicated. There are illnesses you can't see that are very dangerous."

"Daddy, please," she says, basically guilt-tripping him.

He exhales loudly. "I'll ask Uncle Alex, okay?"

She smiles brightly, hugging him. "Thank you, Daddy! I wanna tell my baby brother that we love him lots, so he'll grow big and strong in no time."

"If you can't see him, I'll tell him, okay? I'll tell him his big sister loves him very much."

"Yes! Lots and lots."

He places a kiss on her smiling cheek, closing his eyes as she wraps her arms around his neck and hugs him. She's even bigger than Bailey, and with such a big heart, sometimes he can't believe she's his daughter. That they were the lucky ones to find her and love her forever.

"Can I see Mommy, now?" she asks, and Derek feels like smiling at her determination.

Meredith said that Amelia could stay and visit, so he figures she won't be upset if he takes Zola to her room for a few minutes. He knows that Zola is probably still shaken, and she needs to see that Meredith is okay with her own eyes. He can't deny his daughter that for much longer. If Meredith is asleep, he'll figure out something, but Zola needs to see her.

He takes Zola's hand and leads her out of the daycare, much to his daughter's delight. His brain is shutting down in tiredness, and he misses half of Zola's excitement as she talks his ear off about visiting Mommy, but he feels like maybe their daughter can bring in some happiness to the both of them.

* * *

Every muscle in Meredith's body feels dead. When she tries to move her arm to brush the hair out of her face, the tube tugs on her arm, and a dull ache rivets down her arm. She swallows, closing her eyes for only a moment. She knows she should go back to sleep, but she can't. She can't sleep until she sees her baby.

Amelia is hovering next to her, studying her closely. Meredith hasn't looked at her reflection in a mirror recently, but she knows she can't be a pretty sight to look at. Her sister-in-law grimaces, looking like she's staring down at her sick puppy. Meredith can see the guilt looming in Amelia's eyes.

"So, are you going to tell me how you got the phones so fast? There's no way you drove all the way out to our house and back. Even in no traffic, there's no way." Meredith tries to feign a smile and act like nothing's happened. She's not sick. Her son isn't currently fighting for his life in an OR. Maybe being in denial is the best way to go about this. If she pretends everything is fine, then maybe everything will suddenly be fine. Unfortunately, Meredith knows that life – her life, specifically – doesn't quite work like that. It's more complicated like that. Usually, when the worst can happen, it does. It always does.

The last thing she and Derek need is another tragedy. She'll be fine. The baby will be fine. They'll all be fine.

Or they won't, and then they'll cross that bridge when they get there.

Her stomach cultivates with nausea, and she breathes hastily, wanting to grunt in pain, but she chews down on her cheeks instead. She doesn't want Amelia to see how much she's hurting.

"Between you and me?" Amelia scopes out the room, stealing at a glance at the door. "Owen was already at your house when I asked you about the phone." Her cheeks redden. "Don't tell Derek…"

Meredith raises her eyebrows. If her arms weren't killing she right now, she would put her finger on her mouth, but instead she just winks. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" Amelia asks, her eyes twinkling. "Anything at all."

"Anything, huh?" Meredith hates that Amelia still feels like she needs to kiss her ass, but at this point, she's willing to take advantage. She needs someone on her side. "Well, there is one thing…"

"Hmm? I'm all ears," Amelia says.

"I need to see him," Meredith blurts out. "Please...I know he's in surgery, but when he's out...I need to."

Amelia's eyes darken and her lips round. "I...Meredith, I don't know if that's a good idea."

"You did say _anything_ ," Meredith comes back.

Amelia adjusts her shoulders. "True. I did."

"Please?" Meredith curls her lip, giving Amelia a puppy dog look. "You owe me." She hates to guilt-trip Amelia, but she needs to see her son.

"I...uh, I'll see what I can do. As long as you're infection free, technically I don't see why you couldn't. Of course you really shouldn't be sitting, yet, because of your incisions."

"Amelia, I know the risks. I can wear protective garments. I'll be really, really careful," Meredith insists just as the door swings open.

* * *

Zola immediately takes her hand out of his grasp as he opens the door of Meredith's room, scampering inside eagerly. He follows her, noticing – much to his dismay – that Amelia is still there, visiting with Meredith.

"Mommy, Mommy!" Zola shrieks, and a smile builds up on Meredith's face.

She still looks exhausted, but his wife has such a beautiful smile for their children.

"Oh, Lovebug, I've missed you," Meredith murmurs as Amelia helps Zola climb in bed with Meredith.

Derek itches to kick out his sister, to pull her away from his family, but he can't do much in Zola's presence. He doesn't like it one bit though that Amelia is touching his daughter, even if it's for Meredith's sake.

He decides to ignore Amelia and focus on Meredith and Zola hugging, instead. A sight that heals some of the wounds in his heart.

His phone chimes in his pocket with a text message, and he opens it with shaky hands.

"Baby made it through surgery. Now in NICU. I'll come down soon for an update." Alex texts, and he gulps in a big breath, leaning against the wall for support.

Their tiny little baby is still alive. Their baby boy is a tough cookie.

"Mere," he croaks, clearing his throat and interrupting whatever conversation she is having with Zola. She looks up right away. "He's in the NICU."

He doesn't need to say more, she gets the message right away. She also takes a deep breath, squeezing Zola a bit tighter against her side, careful of her incision.

"I need to see him," Meredith says resolutely, staring him down.

He sighs. He can't say no anymore. He can't. He needs to sleep. "Mer – "

"Daddy's being mean, Mommy. He no want me visiting my baby brother either." Zola pouts and glares at him, searching her mother's eyes for approval.

"Derek, he's my son. He's been in surgery all alone, and I still haven't seen him. I have to see him."

"Mer, your incision –" he starts weakly, his fight gone from him.

"Will heal."

"Meredith, the risks of infections are through the roof."

"She can wear protective garments," Amelia butts in, glaring at him.

This is too much.

"I can't take you, okay?" He snaps, and he hates himself for it. "I was specifically told you cannot visit him. You coded on the table, for God's sake!"

It bleeds out of him, his filter completely gone after the never-ending day they've been through. It shakes Meredith for a moment, because she pulls Zola closer and her eyes soften, but there's still the same determined expression on her face that was there before.

"Please," she murmurs. "Please, Derek. We don't know how long…" she gulps, and he knows exactly what she means. "Let me see him."

He's hating himself. He hates that he has to be the bad guy, that he has to keep her from their son, and keep their super tiny son from meeting his mother, and probably the only voice that can keep him calm and feel good about being stranded in the NICU alone.

Before he can cave, the door bursts open, and Callie shows up, a collected smile on her face.

"You two make pretty babies," she states, squeezing his shoulder and smiling at Meredith.

"What?" Meredith splutters, staring squarely at Callie. "You saw him?"

"I was exiting the OR at the same time they did. He's tiny, but he's cute."

Meredith turns towards Derek with a glare, her eyes filled with tears. "I need to see him. I'm his mother, Derek. You saw him, Callie saw him, even perfect strangers have seen him and I haven't."

"Meredith, I barely saw him," Callie reassures. "And I know it's hell. I didn't see Sofia for a week when she was born."

Derek sighs. If there's someone who might understand what Meredith is going through, it's definitely Callie. He remembers how worried Mark had been when his daughter was born, and now he's in his exact same shoes. He lets himself mourn Mark for a second, knowing that his brother would have known what to say to him, because he had been there before. But now he's on his own, and he has to play it by ear.

"Derek, please –" Meredith begs again.

"What if we FaceTime? I'll call Alex, and we can set up a feed…"

"Derek, I want to touch him. I want to hear him breathe. A screen doesn't do shit," she snaps, and Zola's eyes widen.

"Momma you sayed a bad word!" Zola puts her hands on her mouth as she suppresses a giggle. Meredith shakes her head and mutters an apology, still glowering at him.

"You need to get tested for infections first," he relents, knowing he has to give in.

"Here, infection free," Callie smirks, pulling up Meredith's chart on her tablet and showing it to Derek.

He doesn't say anything, though he's grateful her first bloodwork after surgery looks decent. Her platelets are still whacky and so are her liver enzymes, but he knows these values take time to stabilize. He hopes knowing his son is doing okay will make her recovery smoother. She doesn't need to worry even more.

"She can just wear protective garments and scrub in. She'll be fine there for a few minutes," Amelia pipes up from her corner and he has to look away.

"Mommy, I can see my baby brother, too, right?" Zola asks, her eyes wide and pleading.

"Zola, –" Derek begins, but he's immediately interrupted by Callie.

"Hey, we're sneaking in Mommy, I can't see why you can't sneak in too." Callie winks, and Zola smiles brightly.

"Oh, we're going right now!" she exclaims excitedly, bouncing on the bed and making Meredith grimace.

"Careful," he admonishes. "We need rules to visit your baby brother," he says sternly, and Zola nods seriously, suddenly looking a lot older than four.

"I'll be good."

"So, you have to wear strange clothes and a hat on your head before we go in. And you have to wash your hands very very carefully," he explains, and her eyes light up.

"Like you and Mommy do before you cut people?"

"Yeah," he grimaces at her choice of words, though Zola looks even more excited now.

"This is the best day ever!" Zola squeals, throwing her arms in the air.

All of them crack a smile as some of the tension dissipates.

"So, I'll be on the lookout," Callie nods seriously. "I can bodycheck anyone who wants to come in. I'm going up to give Alex a heads up."

Callie leaves the room, but so does Amelia, much to his relief. Derek stares at his wife and daughter talking about the baby, Zola leading the conversation as Meredith tries to sit up as much as she can.

A moment later, Amelia comes back again, though this time he can't be all that upset with her, since she's wheeling along a wheelchair for Meredith. She also has a blanket on top of the empty seat.

Zola jumps off the bed eagerly when they tell her it's time to go, practically bouncing on the spot. Before Meredith can say anything, Derek wraps his arms around the back of her knees and her shoulders and lifts her up effortlessly. She's light as a feather now, but she hadn't been heavy when she was carrying their baby boy either. He deposits her on the wheelchair and drapes the blanket over her knees, barely covered by the flimsy gown. Meredith grimaces as she tries to find a comfortable position where her incision seems to least bother her, but then she gives them the okay to go.

They ride through the halls stealthily, Amelia on the lookout for Bailey or Addison as he pushes the wheelchair and Zola holds her little hand on the handle right under his bigger one. She's talking to Meredith as if nothing was happening, and Derek has never been more grateful for their daughter's innocence. She's a ray of sunshine right through the storm.

When they reach the NICU, Derek takes a deep breath, a mix of excitement and dread lingering in the pit of his stomach.

"Derek, you take care of dressing up Zola, Amelia can help me with my gown," Meredith says quietly, her eyes already sweeping the incubators behind the glass.

"Daddy, you have to teach me all about being a good sturgeon and wash my hands," Zola nods as well, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the sinks, already prepared with sponges and disposable garments.

"Alright," he says, picking up two gowns, as he sees Amelia wheeling Meredith to the sink down the hall from the NICU.

"I gotta wear gloves too?"

"No, I don't think you'll need them, but you get a funny hat," he smiles, grabbing one and placing it on Zola's hair. His daughter giggles as he wears one as well.

"Oh, you look so silly, Daddy."

"It's because I don't have my surgery hat on. Next time I'll bring it with me," he winks, a smile tugging at his lips.

"What's next?"

"Oh, then there's the gowns," he says, opening a sterile yellow gown for Zola and tying it on her back. They both laugh when they see that she's practically swimming in it. "Wait a second," he grins, moving closer to the nurses' station to find a pair of scissors. He cuts the fabric in excess and makes Zola's hands peek from the arms, and then he cuts around her ankles so she won't trip as she walks.

"Daddy, this is perfect!" she claps her hands. "You, too, now."

He wears a gown too, Zola helping him into the sleeves and then pretending to tie it up for him too. He doesn't remember the last time he has smiled so genuinely since this whole HELLP ordeal has started, so he's glad Zola is making his bad thoughts go away.

"So, this is the hard part," he begins, picking up to sponges from the dispenser and handing one to Zola. "You have to do exactly what I do."

"It's like _Follow the Leader_!"

"Yes," he smiles, ripping open the package. Zola struggles with hers, so he opens it for her, and she rewards him with a smile.

"Oh, it's all rough, Daddy."

"It has to be, all the germs have to disappear."

"Germs are really bad. I can't make my baby brother get a belly ache!"

"You won't if your hands are super clean. So, usually I start from my elbow, but since we have gowns now we can start from our wrists," he explains, and Zola hangs from his every word. "You clean up from top to bottom, so your start with your left wrist and move down to your medium finger with the sponge, okay?"

"Like this?" Zola asks, tentatively mimicking his motions.

"Juts like that," he grins proudly, watching how she stares intently at his gestures as he cleans every finger carefully on every side and especially his nails.

"Now we gotsa clean the other hand," she figures out, bouncing as he starts the process again for his right hand.

It takes Zola a bit more to work with her non-dominant hand, but she's a pro at scrubbing in already. Sometimes he wonders if they're not actually related by blood for real, because this feels a lot like scrubbing in next to Meredith.

"All clean!" she exclaims, putting her hands up instinctively just as if she were going into surgery, too. He imagines scrubbing in with his daughter someday, when she's a brilliant new surgeon and he's doing laminectomies because the surgery itch is still there, and his smile brightens. She doesn't need to be a surgeon, but Derek knows Zola will be a brilliant one if she wants to.

"Yes, all clean. Now, remember, do not touch anything, okay? And listen to what we all say."

"Yes, Daddy, I'm a good girl," she nods seriously, her smile wide and excited. She'll probably beg to scrub in again next time they play pretend, and he's ready to steal her some real objects if she keeps being so joyous.

"Let's go see the baby," he sighs, a lump in his throat again. He wants to be present in the moment, so he pulls his head back together and gets back with his feet on the ground. Seeing his baby boy is more important than daydreaming.

* * *

Alex Karev guards the NICU entrance while Derek and Zola walk through the door.

"Which one is he, Daddy?" Zola beams. "Which is my baby brother?"

"Right here." Derek pulls her over to the tiny infant's incubator. At first glance, all of the babies in the NICU look the same: tiny babies connected to a bunch of tubes. But he would be able to recognize his son, even if there wasn't a card that read _Baby Shepherd_ on the incubator. "Meet your new little brother, Zola."

"He's so little!" Zola's eyes glow. Her hand traces the outside of the incubator, outlining the tubes keeping her little brother alive. "He don't look like Bailey did, but he's still cute. What's his name, Daddy?" Zola peers up at him, her small face filling with wonder and joy.

Derek's heart can't not melt as he looks at his little girl in her scrubs. She's so excited to see her little brother. Before he can say anything, he sees her eyes widen, and he and his daughter are both dazed at the sight of the woman being pushed toward them. He shares a hesitant look with his sister, who's pushing his wife into the NICU to join them.

"Callie is guarding her room," Amelia explains. She glares at Meredith. "You better not make us regret this, now."

Meredith smiles, the first genuine smile Derek has seen on her face since all went south. "Relax, I'm fine. I feel fine. Really..." He can't help but wonder if she really does, in fact, feel fine, or if she's just repeating it, trying to convince herself that she feels fine. He doesn't want to argue with her now, though. There will be time for that discussion later, he hopes, assuming he, Callie, Amelia, and Alex aren't making a huge mistake right now.

"Momma! Momma!" Zola jumps up and down. She runs over to Meredith and wraps her arms around her. Meredith grunts. Zola touches the tube connected to Meredith's hand. Amelia stands behind her with the fluid pole. "Why's there a butterfly on your hand, Momma?"

"Zola, you have to be careful with Mommy. She still has owies from surgery. The butterfly thing is helping her get better," Derek gently tells his daughter. He sees Meredith is wincing in pain. He hates seeing her in pain. He hates knowing how dangerous seeing their son is for her, but at least she's surrounded by doctors. They won't let anything happen to her. His wife is in good hands.

"It's fine, Derek. I'm fine," Meredith assures him, though he's not entirely convinced. He's still worried, even with the flock of doctors surrounding his wife. She's stubborn, and she'll say she's fine, even when she's not. She looks straight ahead at their son. "Is that...is that...him?" Meredith chokes up.

Derek nods. "That's our son."

"He looks like ET!" Zola giggles. "He's really cute, Mommy." Derek takes the wheelchair from his sister's hands and pushes Meredith closer so she can have a clear view of the little one.

Meredith's eyes glisten as she gently puts her bare-skinned hand inside the incubator and strokes the tip of his tiny hand. "Hi, baby," she whispers. A tear escapes and streams down her cheek. "I'm your mommy."

"I wanna touch his hand, too!" Zola insists.

"Here, baby. Sit on my lap," Meredith says softly. She looks at him, motioning for him to lift their daughter onto her lap, but he's hesitant.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" he asks nervously. Meredith's return gaze is stern. Derek looks at Amelia, seeking out reassurance. He knows he's been upset with Amelia, but, in this moment, he likes to believe that Amelia has Meredith's best interests in mind too. Deep down, he knows none of this is his little sister's fault.

Zola is almost forty-five pounds. He's worried she might be too much for Meredith's lap. Amelia doesn't protest, though, and now Zola is tugging at his hand, waiting for him to lift her up. He relents then, scooping Zola into his arms, then delicately sits her on her mother's lap.

Meredith winces once Zola's full weight is on her knees.

"Are you…" Derek begins.

"Fine, I'm fine," Meredith assures, resting her palms on top of Zola's knees. "Come here, Zozo. You can touch him too. But you have to be gentle."

"Otherwise I'll break him?" Zola asks worriedly. "I don't wanna break him, Mama."

"You won't, sweetheart. Just stroke him. See, like this," Meredith tells her, carefully mirroring how Zola should touch the baby as she strokes the tiny infant. Zola nods. Meredith pulls her hand out of the incubator and sets both of her hands on Zola's legs. Zola sticks her hand into the baby's incubator and repeats her mother's gentle touches with the tiny baby.

"Oh, he's so warm, Mama!" Zola smiles.

"It's because he has lots of love, baby girl," Meredith smiles, trying to lean forward to kiss Zola, but it's too much. Very carefully, Derek pushes Zola back so Meredith can kiss her cheek. Derek feels a pang in his chest. It pains him to see his wife in so much pain that she can barely kiss their daughter. He just wants this all to be over. He wants their son to be better, so they can take him home and so he can meet Bailey, too, and they can be a happy family of five, the family he dreamed about so many times.

He's glad Zola is here now, though. They're lucky to have such great friends who are willing to help them bend hospital rules.

Zola steps back toward the incubator again, this time addressing her littlest brother: "I wove you _so_ much, and Mommy and Daddy and Bailey and Uncle Alex and Auntie Amy and Grampy Richard and Auntie Maggie and _everyone_ else loves you, too! You're gonna grow up big and strong like Bails! Mommy and Daddy never telled me your name, though." Her bright eyes fixate on Derek and then Meredith. "What's his name?"

Meredith eyes Derek. "We haven't named him yet, Zo. What do you think we should name him?"

"You should name him ET!" Zola exclaims almost instantly with confidence.

"As in the alien?" Alex laughs from across the NICU.

He sees an ear to ear grin form on Meredith's face, and she starts to laugh. Without thinking, he starts to laugh, too.

"Ow!" Meredith gasps, putting an end to the normalcy facade and gripping her side. Derek's smile dips into a frown, and his heart drops as Zola jumps off Meredith's lap.

"Oh no, Mommy. Did I hurted you?" Zola cries, her eyes filling with concern for her mother.

"No, no, sweetie. I'm okay. My incision just hurts when I laugh," Meredith explains, her breaths hitching. Derek can tell by his sister's facial expression that he's not the only one unconvinced.

"Mer, we really should get you back," Alex calls from the door, altering glances between the hospital door and Meredith, Derek, Amelia, and Zola.

"I second that. Callie's not going to be able to hold off the nurses for too much longer, and God knows who long it'll be before Bailey tries to check on you. You know Callie won't be able to keep her out, and all Hell hath no fury if Bailey sees you're not in your bed," Amelia agrees, adding an evil laugh for dramatic effect.

Meredith frowns, touching the baby's hand one more time. "He's doing good, right? He looks strong. He's going to be okay, isn't he?" Meredith swallows, her eyes not leaving the little boy for a second.

"He's a fighter like his mom," Alex says, walking closer to the baby. "He's doing really good." His face is somber, though. Derek senses there's more Alex isn't telling them. He decides to not say anything now with Meredith here, being so weak herself. He doesn't want to upset her more. He'll bring it up after Meredith has gone back to her room.

Meredith nods, tears blubbering out of her eyes.

"Momma, why are you crying?" Zola tugs at Meredith's free hand.

"I'm just...I'm so happy," Meredith sighs deeply, weakly patting Zola's head.

"Mer, we have to get you back," Amelia prods.

Meredith nods, reluctantly taking her hand out of the incubator, but her eyes don't part from their son as Amelia pulls her away. "Momma loves you, baby boy," she whispers hoarsely as Amelia rolls Meredith and the fluids away.

"Momma! I wanna go with you!" Zola runs after Amelia and Meredith.

"Come, then," Meredith says, motioning for Zola to follow. Amelia stops the wheelchair.

"Meredith, I don't know if…" Amelia sighs.

"I'm fine. I feel fine. I'm not going to crash the minute we get back. I promise," Meredith's voice raises with absolute certainty.

Zola and Meredith both look at Derek, and he nods in approval. This will give him a moment to talk to Alex. "Yes, you should go with Mommy, Zola. I'll meet you and Mommy in her room in a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay!" Zola dances happily. "Can I sit on your lap, Momma?"

"As long as you're – "

"I careful, Daddy! I know, Daddy! I won't make Momma laugh so her 'cisions hurt!" Zola promises. Alex bends over and picks up Zola,gently setting her on Meredith's lap again. Derek watches as Amelia pushes his girls out of the room.

Once they're gone, his eyes narrow in on Alex.

"He's not as strong as you told her he is, is he?" Derek mouths glumly. "Tell me the truth, Karev."

* * *

 **Irene's A/N: Yeah, a lot happened here. And a lot still has to happen. Stay tuned to find out Baby's name! Updates might be slower, but they'll be long and intense.  
**


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N: We're here. We've been working towards this moment right here since we thought up the whole plot of the trilogy back in October of 2014, and this is it. We wanted to give Meredith and Derek a plot that hadn't been explored in the show yet, something that we thought could be wonderful material for Patrick and Ellen to bring to our screens.**

 **Also, we love Meredith and Derek, no matter what we put them through, but these two have a lot of unresolved issues. Getting them from fake okay to whole and healed was the core concept of Storm, and we consider this right here a necessary development of the story, even if you might not agree with us. Trust us with these characters, because we love them. We love to have them happy and in love and functional, but life throws plenty of curve balls. We promise we'll take good care of them.**

 **Oh, and we picked out the baby's name in November 2014, remember that.  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 20**

* * *

"He looked good, right?" Meredith blurts to her sister-in-law as she wheels Zola and her toward the elevator. They are both still wearing their protective clothing. Meredith hopes, for everyone's sake, they don't run into Dr. Bailey or Addison or anyone who might rat them out on the way to her room.

"He so little!" Zola exclaims. "But he good, Momma." Meredith swallows, trying to think positive, but it's pretty freaking hard. Her baby isn't the tiniest baby she's ever seen, though he's so small. She and Derek both have small statures. Bailey was tiny too, at only three weeks early, but compared to her new baby, Bailey was a giant. Blood pounds frenetically against Meredith's temples, making her head spin.

Amelia hasn't said anything. Meredith tries to peer back at her, but she's too sore to turn around. She waits, until Amelia finally says, "Yeah, he looks great, Meredith." Meredith can't help but note the hesitance in her sister-in-law's voice, but she doesn't want to read too into it right now.

"I know he's tiny, and he has a long, long road ahead. We both do, but he's half Grey. Greys are fighters," Meredith states.

"Lucky for him, so are Shepherds," Amelia adds, wheeling her and Zola to Meredith's room. Callie still stands watch outside the room.

Callie looks relieved. "Thank God you're back. Addison stopped by looking for you. I'm not sure she bought that you asked not to be disturbed, but she was headed down to the NICU. I just texted Alex."

"Oh, well, we made good timing, then," Amelia sighs.

"We did," Meredith says, nodding in relief.

"Anyway, how'd it go?" Callie asks, taking Meredith's handles from Amelia and strolling her into her room.

"He's so tiny," Meredith sighs. "I...I just don't know what to do, and it's hard not to blame myself."

"Hey, now. None of this is your fault. It took me a long time to stop blaming myself when Sofia was born, and I wasn't even behind the wheel. I should have never proposed in that moment. It was stupid. So, so stupid, but none of it matters now. Sofia's perfectly healthy, and I'm divorced," Callie says, then looking at Zola. "Zozo, can you get up so I can put your momma back in bed?" Zola nods, and slides off Meredith, accidentally pushing against Meredith's knees in a way that hurts, causing Meredith to groan.

"You okay?" Amelia asks.

"Peachy," Meredith mumbles as Callie places her hands on her shoulders. She lifts her out of the chair, nowhere near as gently as Derek had earlier. An "Ouch!" escapes Meredith's lips as Callie swings her around toward the bed.

"Sorry," Callie apologizes as she lays Meredith into the bed. Meredith wishes Derek's soft hands were here to help. Zola bounces on the foot of the bed as soon as Meredith is positioned in an upright position.

"Zo, be gentle," Amelia warns.

"I'm gentle," Zola protests, sitting still close to Meredith's feet.

"Where's Derek?" Callie asks.

"He said he'd be up soon," Meredith murmurs, trying to get comfortable, but her limbs feel like they're about to disconnect from the rest of her body.

"You should rest," Amelia insists. "I can take Zola back to daycare."

"No!" Zola argues, scooting closer to Meredith's legs, ruffling the blanket. "I stay here with Mommy."

Meredith nods. "Wait until Derek comes. He said he wouldn't be long," Meredith tells her sister-in-law, worrying that Derek had stayed behind to talk "top secret" stuff about Eli's condition with Alex. She hopes that's not the case, and they won't hide the truth about her son's health from her.

* * *

He can't stop pacing the floor. Alex has stepped out of the NICU without answering Derek's question, which only confirms Derek's worst fears. He looks over at his tiny baby. His tiny, helpless baby, and his heart dismantles into a million tiny pieces. He wants to help his son. There must be something they can do. There has to be. He hopes Alex is devising the baby's treatment plan with Addison right now.

The only comfort Derek can find now is when he touches his baby's frail body, relishing in the warmth the incubator offers. Derek hums the tune of the lullaby _Hush little baby, don't you cry_ , like he has for Bailey and Zola many of times when they're sick or upset. He wants to believe he'll one day soothe his new son, too, when he has burst to tears. The warmth of the incubator radiates onto his son, and his son lay motionless. Derek tries to picture him bigger, the size Bailey was when he was born. In Derek's vision, he's kicking and squirming around, and giggling. All Derek can see is Bailey, though.

A tear forms in his eye when Alex finally re-enters the NICU. As Derek anticipated, Addison is right beside Alex. Right off the back, Derek hates the somber expressions on both Alex's and Addison's faces. Tears start streaming down Derek's cheeks.

"Please," he manages to muster. "Please…" But he can't get out more. _Please tell me he's going to be okay. Tell me you fixed his heart. That there's nothing else wrong with him. That he's going to grow and thrive. Please._ His throat feels like there's a huge rock lodged in it, barring him from speaking more. He takes big, sharp breaths, and Addison takes him off guard by wrapping her arms around him. She hugs him and he lets her. It feels like the last time she hugged him – or even touched him, for that matter that matter – was an entire lifetime ago. He's too numb to think about that right now.

When Addison releases him, he can see there are tears in her eyes now, too.

"When opened him up to fix the ductus, we discovered the cause of the abnormality isn't what we'd initially thought," Addison says slowly with a solemn intensity present in her eyes that causes his insides to twist and turn. Even though it's been years since he's seen it, he knows the look all-too well.

Derek blinks and gazes at the tiny baby, feeling a sharp pang in his chest. He knows exactly what Addison is implying. "His organs are shutting down," Derek whispers.

"I'm afraid so, yes," Addison murmurs. "Derek, I'm so sorry. I…"

He can't look at Addison and Alex right now. "You have to save him. You have to," he rebuts, and he storms out of the NICU. His heart hammers. He needs to see Meredith. They need to decide on a name. He needs a name, and he doesn't have one.

* * *

Amelia had helped her and Zola change out of their protective garments, and then she helped Zola into the hospital bed, so she could lie beside Meredith. Meredith is spooning her daughter, gently stroking the back of head when Derek enters.

He looks shocked to see Zola in bed. "Zozo, how'd you get in bed with Mommy?" he asks.

"I helped!" Amelia pipes from the chair in the corner of the room, which was probably out of Derek's line of sight, judging by the sudden widening of his eyes.

"I offered to take Zola back to daycare, but Mer insisted on waiting until you were back, and Zo wanted more time with her mama, so we waited. I can take her back now, if that's okay," Amelia offers.

Meredith half expects Derek to refuse his sister's offer, based on how he'd reacted earlier when Amelia offered to take Bailey back to daycare, but he just nods. "Zola, go with your aunt," he tells his daughter, gently removing the child from the bed.

"I wanna stay with Mama." Zola sticks her lip out.

"I know, sweetheart, but Mama needs to rest," Derek says. "You'll see her again soon, okay?"

Zola sighs loudly and rolls her eyes. "Okay." _She's too young to be rolling her eyes_ , Meredith thinks as her heart sinks, breaking to see her daughter go, but she knows it's for the best.

Once Amelia and Zola are gone, Derek turns to her. He looks half-dead.

"I don't think I'm the only one who needs rest," Meredith says gently.

"George," he spills out. "It's a good, strong name. What do you think of George?"

"George O'Malley?" It takes her a moment to register that he's talking baby names.

"Or Prince George or President George Bush." Derek shrugs. "It's not a bad name."

"Dr. Bailey named her son after George O'Malley, and there's no way I'm naming my son after a Republican president, and I'm not a fan of British Royalty names, either," Meredith says firmly. "But we have plenty of time, Derek. We don't need to name him this second."

"I guess Harry and William are out then, too," Derek sighs. "I've always liked William. The prince and the name."

"Dr. Bailey's son is named William George, Derek," Meredith points out.

"Huh? I thought his name was Tuck?" Derek frowns.

"That's just his nickname, and I don't know why she calls him Tuck, either, but can we navigate away from British Royalty, please?" She sighs, wondering why he's suddenly so rushed to name the baby. He wasn't in a hurry before. She's only able to come up with one conclusion. "You talked to Addison," she says, her tone flat.

"What? Why does that matter?" Derek asks.

"Because she told you the truth," Meredith whispers. "He's dying, isn't he?"

* * *

Derek feels sick to his stomach. _He's dying_ , Meredith's words reverberate in his head in a never-ending cycle. It's the first time anyone's said the words. His son is dying, and he will die if they can't figure out a treatment plan that works. It's sinking in for the first time. _He can't die. He can't_. They have to save him. They have to name him.

"Meredith…"

"Derek, tell me what's going on. Tell me the damn truth. I deserve that much!" His wife snipes. Her voice is hoarse, and she looks like she's about to pass out any minute. She's scaring him. He doesn't want to rile her up more.

He opens his mouth to say, " _No."_ He wants to say their son is improving, that Alex and Addison have a clear treatment plan, that their baby boy is doing just fine, but he can't muster the word. He can't say, " _Yes_ ," either. He just stands there, staring into Meredith's eyes, mute.

Meredith's eyes water with. "He can't...no...damn it!" Meredith cries. She repeats the word, "Damn it" over and over again.

"Shh," he whispers, placing both of his hands on his wife's shoulders. "We're not going to let him die, Meredith. We'll figure something out. We...we have to." His kisses her forehead.

"I need to see him...I need to, Derek...please...I can't be this far away from him," she says. "It's not fair. I can't rest knowing that he could die, and I wouldn't even know because I'm confined to this bed, and he's on the other side of the hospital. I want to be with him, Derek."

Derek nods. "And you should be. We'll set up a FaceTime feed or something. It shouldn't be too difficult. That way you'll be able to see him at all time. You'll be able to talk to him, and he can hear your voice."

Her eyes sparkle. "I like that idea. Even if I can't touch him, at least I can see and talk to him."

"I'll find Alex and we'll get it set up," Derek reasons. "You really should rest now, though."

"When was the last time _you_ slept?" she fires back.

"I'm not the one who had a major abdominal surgery," he quips. He'll rest when he knows what's in store next for his wife and son.

* * *

Meredith knows Derek has a point, but she hates it at the same time. She deserves to be in the know about their son's health just as much he does. She's the one who carried him inside _her body_ for crying out loud.

She tries to keep calm, but keeping calm isn't easy when her son is fighting for his life and she can't see or touch or hold him, and she's blaming herself for every ounce of his suffering. If she'd just listened to her doctor better, then none of this would have happened. She should have taken more days off to relax, but she'd genuinely thought surgery was relaxing.

Still, standing on her feet for hours and hours surely wasn't good for her body. It's likely one of the reasons her blood pressure climbed so high. She'd felt fine in the moment, but her feet were always swollen after she got out of the OR and her back was always sore. She hadn't thought much of it, though. All pregnant women suffered from sore feet and backs. It came with the territory.

She wholeheartedly blames herself for all of this, and she knows if their baby doesn't make it, Derek will never ever forgive her.

Derek leaves for a while, insisting before he goes she should take a short nap, and when she wakes up their son will be "right beside her." She knows he means virtually, since physically is impossible right now, but it's the closest she'll be able to get to him for the time being.

She tries to close her eyes, but the bright ceiling lights keep splitting through her eyelids, keeping her eyes open. If Derek really wanted her to take a nap, he should have shut the lights off. She knows they like to leave the lights on in the patient rooms in case a doctor or nurse comes in to check vitals. And usually Meredith doesn't have trouble sleeping with the lights on. She slept with the lights on for months after the plane crash, but the lights at their house are dimmer than the lights at the hospital.

Meredith knows it's not just the lights keeping her awake, though. Her mind won't stop racing. She can't make it stop.

She just wants her life back to normal, but she knows it'll never be normal again.

She's a mother of three.

* * *

Tracking down Alex and Addison isn't hard. They're still in the NICU, hovering over his son. Derek wonders if his tiny baby can hear the big doctors talking about him. They say babies can recognize their parents' voices from the womb, so he has no doubt that his son is able to hear the adults talking around his incubator.

Both Alex and Addison look alarmed by Derek's return.

"Derek…" Addison says, somberness present on his face. He cringes.

"I would like to propose we set up a FaceTime feed for Meredith," he blurts out before Addison say more. "It's the least we can do," he explains. "We can't move her, and we can't move him. So let's make use of modern technology."

Addison and Alex look at each other and smiles come to both of their faces.

"I think that's a great idea," Alex says.

"Yeah, I don't see any harm in it, especially if it means Meredith will be able to get some rest, and it'll be good for your baby to hear his mother's voice," Addison agrees.

"I noticed his stats did increase when she was in here," Alex confesses. "Good thinking, Derek."

Derek's heart leaps. He hadn't been paying attention to his stats when Meredith and Zola were in the NICU. He'd been focused on his beautiful family. _Maybe there's still hope_ , he thinks. All his son needs is his mother. Nothing compares to a mother's love, and he knows his wife has plenty of love to give their little baby.

"I'll get everything set up here, and you go to Meredith's room and get set up. Should I call you or her?" Alex asks.

He decides it'll be easiest to prop up his iPad on the tray for Meredith. "Mine," he tells Alex, and he rushes to his office, where he'll find his iPad.

They're set up in no time. Alex has managed prop his phone outside the incubator, so they have a full view of their little guy. Meredith's face lights up, and for a second all the exhaustion disappears in her elated smile. "Hi, little one," she says, stroking the screen as if she's touching their son. "Momma's right here."

"Keep talking to him, Mer. His heart rate just went up," they hear Alex say off camera.

"You're a little fighter, aren't you?" Meredith says. She takes a deep breath. "You know what would make you even more of a fighter? A name." She blinks, a tear glimmering in the corner of her eye. "And I know just what to name you."

* * *

The name Ellis derives from the English male given name Elijah. Meredith remembers learning that when she'd once looked up the meaning of her mother's name, at the time expecting to find that Ellis meant _wicked witch_ or something of that nature. Meredith had thought it to be a strange discovery, because she's always been fond of the name Elijah.

Never in a million years had Meredith pictured naming her child after her mother, but right now she can't imagine naming her child after any other person in the world. Her mother was a strong woman, and Meredith wants nothing more than for her mother's strength to be instilled in her son. Her son needs his grandmother's strength.

"Elijah," Meredith whispers, and she notes the sparkle in Derek's eyes. "Your name is Elijah, isn't it?"

"Elijah," Derek repeats. "I like it."

"Elijah Thomas?" Meredith suggests.

"ET?" Derek chuckles, grinning widely. Meredith smiles. It feels good to smile, to push thoughts of their struggles behind them and to just enjoy the moment. The moment their son is named. "Zola will be thrilled," Derek concludes. _She will be thrilled,_ Meredith acknowledges to herself, nodding.

"Elijah Thomas," Meredith murmurs, rubbing her finger on the monitor. "Little Eli."

* * *

 _Eli_. Derek's heart swells as he watches his newly named son on the iPad screen. Eli is a good, strong name. He knows he shouldn't be thinking of having more children, considering all he and Meredith have just gone through and the odds are they will not have more biological children anyway, but if they were ever to be blessed with another child, he decides he should leave the naming up to Meredith. She named Bailey and now Eli. She always decides on the perfect names for their children – as long as he can still veto Sebastian.

Derek pushes those thoughts out of his head as he studies Meredith. He knows Eli will be their last. He can't put Meredith through this again. She's almost died twice in childbirth. He won't make her go through this a third time. A few short months ago, she wanted her tubes tied anyway. As soon as she's healthy and strong enough, he's certain the subject will come up again, and he won't try to stop her this time. He knows they won't have to worry about it for several weeks, though. They'll cross that bridge when they get there.

He's taken off guard when he looks up and sees Alex and Addison standing in the doorway. He hadn't realized that Alex had left the NICU, since he's been off camera for a while. They're motioning for Derek to come to them. He glances at Meredith, who's visibly enthralled by little Eli. He swallows thickly. He doesn't want to have a conversation about Eli's health if Meredith isn't present. She's right. She deserves just as much as he does to be in the know about their son's current status.

He quietly walks over to the doctors, careful not to disturb Meredith and Eli, who are both content. "What's going on?" he whispers.

"Step out into the hall, Derek. We want to run something by you," Addison says.

He shakes his head. "If it's about Eli, you can say it in front of Meredith. She's his mother. She needs to know, too. We're not hiding stuff from her."

"Who's Eli?" Alex asks. Then his eyes widen. "Oh. You decided on a name. I left the NICU as soon as I'd set you guys up."

"Cute name," Addison compliments.

"It's short for Elijah," Derek explains, feeling no need to elaborate more at this time. "What's this about? I really think you should step in and talk to Meredith and me at the same time. If it's bad news, she's tough. She can handle it."

"Mer needs to rest," Alex urges.

"She'll rest once she knows all the facts. She won't if she feels we're hiding stuff from her," Derek argues. Addison and Alex share a glance, but both finally nod in agreement. The three walk toward Meredith's bed.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite people of the day," Meredith greets Addison and Alex. "Are you finally going to fill me in on my son's condition?"

"We are. Derek insisted we should," Addison smiles weakly, locking eyes with Meredith.

"Well?" Meredith pushes.

Addison begins explaining everything they've done thus far, and she fills Meredith in on Eli's current stats, which make Derek's heart fall into his stomach.

"His organs are shutting down," Addison admits, blunt and to the point. Alex stands behind Addison, his hands folded in front of him. He's not making eye contact with either Meredith or Derek. "But we've seen a mild improvement every time you've spoken to him, Meredith. Alex was observing him a little bit ago when you were talking to him, and his heart rate improved slightly. What we'd really want to try is Kangaroo Mother Care. It's when…"

"Skin to skin contact," Meredith interrupts.

"Yes, exactly." Addison nods.

"Meredith should do it," Derek insists, knowing how difficult it was for them to get Meredith to the NICU in the first place, but there has to be a way. It's Meredith's voice Eli responds to. She's his mother. There has to be a way.

Addison shakes her head. "Meredith is too weak. We can't chance it. I heard about the little stunt you guys pulled earlier. I know how you are all about risk taking." She eyes Meredith and Alex specifically. "I'm surprised you let it happen, Derek. You never were a risk taker." It's true. Risk taking was never ingrained in him. Meredith, on the other hand, loves taking risks. Maybe she's rubbing off on him.

"She's his mother," Derek says matter of factly.

"And I understand that. Believe me, but we can't jeopardize her health anymore at this time. She needs rest," Addison says in a firm tone.

Derek sighs sharply.

"Hello, the _she_ you're talking about is right here," Meredith pipes up. Addison and Derek turn their heads toward Meredith. "And Addison's right. I can't be there right now, but, Derek, _you_ can, and I can watch you both from here. You need to go cuddle our son. Now." The way she says the word _cuddle_ makes his heart flutter.

The firmness in her tone is enough to convince Derek. She's right. He needs to be the one to provide his body warmth for their son. He might be Eli's last chance.

* * *

Derek has no idea with what spirit he gets to the NICU, he only knows that he needs to be there and cuddle with Eli. He can be a proxy for Meredith and give their baby boy a chance to improve.

His heart jumps in his throat again as he sees the incubator. Part of him wonders how long Eli will have to spend here before he comes home, but the more realistic part of him knows he might never get to go home and see his half-completed nursery.

"Hello, Eli," Derek murmurs as he inserts his fingers inside the incubator.

Their baby boy looks almost smaller now, compared to the first time he saw him yesterday morning. Maybe it's the knowledge that he's very fragile and has a practically impossible battle to fight that makes him look so breakable. Eli's heartbeat improves slightly as Derek keeps running the pads of his fingers on his frail body. There are so many wires connected to him, but there's still room for Derek to touch him.

"Derek, the kangaroo." Meredith's soft, broken voice calls his name from the FaceTime feed and he turns to look at her. She looks beat. She needs sleep, but so does he. He has no idea how he can fall asleep and miss precious minutes with Eli, though.

"I'm trying to figure out how to pick him up and not break him," he admits, sharing a sad smile with Meredith, who only lets out a sob. Yet, she doesn't cry, and Derek doesn't cry either. He knows that when he'll start, he's not sure he'll be able to ever stop, so he has to be strong. He has to be a rock for his wife and his baby boy.

"Try with the blanket," Meredith suggests and he agrees it might be the best idea.

Derek scrapes the rocking chair closer to the incubator, angling it in a way that he can still see Meredith and vice versa, and then he shares a look with Alex, standing two incubators away from them. Derek looks at him poignantly, and Alex understands right away what he wants to say. Karev nods with a smile as he approves of him picking up Eli.

It takes him another moment of staring to gather his wits, but then he takes off his scrub top and grabs another blanket. He opens the side of the incubator, then he carefully cups Eli's body in his right hand, feeling a sob escape his mouth when Eli's body fits so easily in his palm.

Eli is weightless, light as a feather and so tiny he looks breakable. Yet, he's resilient to have made it this far.

Derek picks up his impossibly small son and sits down on the rocking chair, plastering Elijah against his bare chest, right above his heart.

A tear escapes down his cheek at the softest contact of their skins.

Eli is soft and warm, his thumb-sized chest rising and falling rhythmically as Derek cups his little body and runs his fingers down his back, draping the blanket over them.

"It's so good to finally meet you, Eli," he murmurs, ducking down to kiss his downy hair.

"Derek," Meredith whimpers, tears streaming down her cheeks, her eyes shining with emotions. "Derek, is he okay?"

"He's strong," he admits, his eyes shifting to the monitors to see Eli's values stabilizing after the transition.

"Don't let him go," Meredith practically orders, and Derek is not sure he can keep his promise.

* * *

Derek has no idea how long he has been holding Eli, he only knows that it will never feel like it's enough. He's savoring each moment, feeling like it might be Eli's last, unsure about how he'll be able to get back to real life.

Except, the urge to go to the bathroom is still there, and he has to let go of his son.

Meredith is still talking to him, her voice a sleepy murmur, but she seems to have endless energy to spend time with Eli.

"Mer," he whispers, meeting his wife's eyes through the screen. She's jarred from her thoughts, but she still gives him a smile.

"How are his stats?" she asks, before he can say anything.

Derek looks up to the monitors, seeing a minimal improvement. He sighs in relief. "He's stable."

"Good. You're strong, Eli. Strong and stubborn is in your genes."

"It is," Derek agrees.

Once again, he hopes Eli takes after Meredith and is just as resilient as his mother. Meredith cheated death so many times, he hopes Eli has the same ability, even if he's sure he'll have a heart attack by the time he's a teenager.

Right now, he can't even imagine Eli as a teenager, even though he wants to see it. He wants his baby boy to turn into a strong, confident man. He prays he'll see his grandchildren from him, but hope is dwindling.

Derek rubs Eli's back with the pad of two of his fingers, rocking back and forth on the chair, giving himself another minute of closeness as he ignores his bladder until he can't wait anymore.

"Mer, I have to go to the bathroom. Keep talking to him, okay?"

Meredith nods. "I will. There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

He places a soft kiss on top of Eli's minuscule forehead, one of the few parts of him free from any wires or tubes, then he gently shifts him back into the incubator.

His arms feel empty. His heart squeezes in his chest.

"I'll be right back," he says, before sprinting to the bathroom down the hall.

He barely uses the toilet and quickly scrubs back in, everything in less than five minutes. Yet, it still feels like an eternity.

When he gets back to Eli's bedside, Meredith is telling Eli a story, her voice soft and soothing just how it sounds when she reads to Zola and Bailey. Eli's stats are still worrying, but stable enough that the alarms don't blare.

Right now, they can deal with stable enough.

"I'm back," he announces, smiling weakly.

Meredith mirrors his expression, but her smile morphs into a thin line as soon as he picks up Eli again and cuddles with him on the rocking chair. He can see the pain in her eyes, caused by their distance. He can't begin to imagine how hard this must be, since they've been connected for the past six months. Eli was part of her, and now she can't even touch him. It's not fair.

"We had a good time together when Daddy was away, right, Eli?" she whispers, her voice thick. "Stats?"

"Stable." Derek reads the values to her, and Meredith closes her eyes, exhaling loudly.

"Hey, guys." Derek turns to see Alex walk towards him, his eyes on the monitors, a sad look on his face. "His stats are more stable."

"They are. This is helping. Even just Meredith's voice was helping," Derek says, hoping there's something more they can do.

"Good." Alex sighs, but it's not a good, optimistic sigh.

There is something more they can do, but Derek knows it's a crazy idea. Reckless too; they've been reckless enough already, and for his son, he can put everything on the line.

"Do you think we can move Eli to Meredith's room?" he asks, expecting to see Alex's eyes boggle out. Alex looks sad, instead.

"We can't. I can't be there to monitor him. We can't put a nurse there to stay with him. I know you guys practically own the hospital, but I can't do this. We can't do this."

Alex doesn't even look at Meredith when he says it, but Derek sees Meredith's hope being crushed right in front of him.

"What if I find a way? What if I have a plan?" he fuels.

"Shepherd...Derek, – " Alex shakes his head. "Focus on Eli."

His heart falls in the pit of his stomach. He has to figure out a way. He owes it to Meredith.

Alex moves away from Eli and onto the next incubator, the next baby, the next set of parents.

"Derek, it's okay," Meredith murmurs, her eyes shining with tears.

"It's not. Eli needs you close."

"I'm as close as it gets," she sighs, grimacing as she shifts slightly.

"Lie down. Prop the iPad against the bed railing and lie down."

"I can't sleep."

"You don't have to sleep, but you should rest. You have to heal too."

"I will," she hums, though she follows his suggestion. "I can heal after I know Eli is okay."

"Okay. Okay." He can't say no to her. He doesn't want to. Because he knows he'd do the same. He's way past tired, and he knows he can't sleep unless he knows Eli is okay.

Derek cuddles his baby boy closer, tracing every exposed inch of skin, touching every minute part of him. He feels blessed to have this time to be so close to his son, to provide him the warmth and love he needs; even if it's not quite enough, it's something. He wants to do better.

"So, Eli, do you want to hear about the first time I went fly fishing with my dad, your grandpa?" he asks, seeing a smile appear on Meredith's lips.

"I'm sure he already knows that story. You told him about that day every other night," she teases, though her eyes don't sparkle as usual. Yet, he's glad she can still smile, even if it's only for a moment.

"Maybe he needs a refresher," he smiles back, forcing back a yawn when Meredith yawns herself.

It's already dinnertime, but he's not hungry at all. He just wants to be here, with his wife and son.

* * *

Meredith fell asleep halfway through the recount of his first fishing expedition, her expression still tense as he watches her sleep through the feed. His eyes feel heavy too, and the rocking back and forth is not helping, but he can't let go of Eli.

Derek watches Meredith and Eli alternatively, until his eyes droop and he jars back awake. He sighs deeply, knowing that he can't sleep with Eli on his chest, yet feeling bad about it.

"Daddy will be back soon, Eli. I don't want to hurt you if I fall asleep, so I'll get back to Mommy's room, but I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

Eli doesn't answer, obviously, but he can feel his tiny fingers pinch the skin on his chest. Then, when Derek touches his minuscule hand, Eli turns his wrist and grips his finger tightly, holding onto him for dear life.

For the first time since Eli was born, Derek cries happy tears.

He has no idea how long Eli will be with them, or how hard his life will be even if he survives – he's aware of the struggles of preemie children – but no matter the outcome, he knows that Eli has left an indelible imprint on his life, and for that Derek is grateful.

Eli keeps his finger hostage for as long as the tears crawl down his cheeks, but the tiredness is still there. He doesn't remember the last time he slept, because it feels like a lifetime ago. Anything before Eli's birth feels like a different life. Except it's still the same life, and he needs sleep. At least a couple of hours.

Derek picks up his phone with the FaceTime feed, sighing loudly as he stares at Meredith's sleeping form for a moment. He places Eli back in the incubator, keeping his palm over his bare abdomen, Eli's hold still tight around his finger. He shifts the video feed so that they can see the monitors too, not just their son, in case something happens. He hooks up his phone to the charger as well, not wanting to miss a second.

He places one last kiss over Eli's finger, coaxing his son to let go of him. Yet, Eli is stubborn. Derek chuckles, touching Eli's skin in the same way he remembers touching his other two children to help them fall asleep. Even if he's impossibly tiny and there's not a lot of room to caress, Derek manages. Eli relaxes slowly, his hold growing slack, his heartbeat more even.

After a couple of minutes, Eli is asleep, and Derek is ready to collapse too.

He reluctantly leaves Eli's bedside and joins Meredith back in her room.

* * *

Meredith is asleep, but she doesn't look peaceful. Her whole body is practically ready to spring into action, even if she can barely stand up on her own.

Unable to help himself, Derek brushes away a wild strand of hair from her forehead, and places a gentle kiss there, breathing her in. He can barely smell the lavender now, but he doesn't mind. He relishes Meredith's presence for a moment.

Derek sits at her bedside, leaning his head near her hip, taking her hand into his as gently as possible. Still, Meredith lets out a small groan.

"Shh, go back to sleep," he murmurs, caressing her hand much like he has done with Eli a few minutes before.

"Der...Eli…"

"He's fine. He's asleep. See?" He turns the iPad towards her and he watches as she smiles sleepily, looking still a bit out of it.

"So beautiful," she murmurs as she stretches her finger to metaphorically touch Eli's little body.

"I love you," Derek says, unable to help himself.

"I love you, too," Meredith smiles back, pulling him towards her to kiss his lips softly. "Thank you for being with him."

"We need sleep, Mere."

"I know, I know."

"So let's sleep."

She smiles, though it turns into a slight grimace as she scoots closer to the railing, patting the small slice of mattress left.

"Hold me," she says, though it sounds almost like an order.

He knows it's wrong, that they're breaking a million unspoken rules, and that they'll probably kick him out as soon as the nurse comes to check on Meredith, but he doesn't care. He needs to hold his wife, just as much as she needs to be held.

Derek crawls beside Meredith, inevitably spooning her, though he's still careful of her IV and her other wires. She sighs in bliss, and so does he, when he buries his nose in the back of her neck.

This feels like home. If he holds Meredith like this, he can almost pretend that this is normal, that it's their bed and they're okay, even if he's holding her on the opposite side than his usual.

Derek's eyes close before he can think about much else, sleep claiming his body with a vengeance, and he has no more energy to fight it.

* * *

Derek's eyes snap open when he hears an insistent siren, his whole body already alert and on edge.

First, he thinks it's Meredith, but pretty soon he realizes that the sound is coming from the FaceTime feed.

He sees Alex and Addison huddled over their baby boy as they stabilize him, and his heart twists in his chest.

"Hey, Derek," Addison's face appears in the feed as the image is moved. "We're going to disconnect the feed for a few minutes so that we can properly check on Elijah, okay? Don't panic."

Derek chuckles bitterly. He has to panic. Their son was practically given a death sentence, monitors are blaring, and she says don't panic?

The FaceTime feed goes dark and he exhales loudly.

"Derek, what happened?" Meredith's groggy voice pulls him out of the sinkhole of his dark emotions.

"I don't know. They disconnected the feed to check on him."

"Derek," Meredith whimpers, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly.

Derek curls up around her again, enveloping her frail body in his arms, holding onto her for dear life while she does the same. They're clinging to one another almost as if there was no more hope, but he can't accept that. There has to be something they can do.

"Mer, I want Eli here. With you."

"Derek, it's impossible," she murmurs into his chest, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand free of the IV.

"There's plenty of room here, since it's the VIP room. And all the wires and oxygen lines he might need are here, too. Plus, we can force everybody to scrub in before they enter."

"They'll never let him out without supervision."

"I'm going to be here, I won't move an inch. And all our friends and family are surgeons. We can keep an eye on him."

"You can't do procedures on our son, Derek. If something happens…"

"Then we'll pay a NICU nurse to stay with him at all times. You can pick your favorite and we'll pay her out of our own pockets."

Meredith shakes her head, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Ask Alex. Just...I already miss him," she murmurs, glancing longingly at the dark screen of his iPad, grimacing as she tries to curl up even deeper into his arms.

Derek rubs her back for a minute, reluctant to leave her. He knows that every minute is precious, though, so he gathers his wits and makes his way to the NICU.

* * *

Alex Karev has seen a lot of tiny babies in his career as a pediatric surgeon, but he has never prepared himself to treat his best friend's little boy. He's been awake for the last twenty odd hours, only sneaking a quick nap when Addison was keeping an eye on Elijah, but otherwise, he's been running on zero sleep since the little boy was born. He needs sleep, but he can't bring himself to leave the tiny boy alone.

"It doesn't look good," Addison announces, taking a deep breath as she moves to the other side of the incubator.

"I know. I hate this part."

"You never get used to it," Addison admits, and he shakes his head.

"Are you going to monitor him tonight?"

"No. And neither are you. We both need sleep, a resident can keep an eye on him."

"What? No. No residents."

"Alex, what if this wasn't Elijah Shepherd but any other baby? Would you still be here?"

"He's not any other baby."

"But he is. He is." Addison's voice is firm, and he doesn't like it one bit.

Alex knows that he's bending the rules, that he's not treating this patient objectively, but he can't bring himself to care much about it.

"You go home, Karev. I'll stay here in an on-call room in case something happens, but I won't be hovering over this baby."

"Dr. Montgomery…"

"Alex, I don't see him ever getting out of the NICU, and I know I shouldn't be this blunt, but I've treated a lot of preemies, and Eli needs a miracle."

A lump forms in Alex's throat. Deep in his heart, he knows she's right. He has seen the values, he has monitored all the tests, and he knows it's a long shot, but Alex also knows that Eli has Meredith and Shepherd as his parents, and they're stubborn fighters. He can't get his hopes up, but Uncle Alex is definitely pulling for Eli.

"Who's the resident on call?" Addison asks, forcing his eyes to move back to her.

"Edwards, but she's a moron. I want Jo here. Dr. Wilson."

"Isn't she your girlfriend?"

Alex grits his teeth. "Yes. But she's also a good resident."

"Fine. If you trust her with this…"

Alex doesn't like Addison's tone at all. It's like she knows something he doesn't, and she enjoys it. And then it dawns on him. He remembers the quintuplets they delivered in his intern year, when every one of them had a quint to monitor. Addison assigned Izzie a dying baby, and told her she wanted to see her alive in the morning, and that baby didn't make it. He can see history repeating itself.

"Addison, this is not like the quintuplets case, is it?"

For a moment, Addison looks confused, then she sighs. "Dr. Karev…"

"You don't think Eli will make it through the night, do you?"

Addison doesn't reply, she simply lowers her head down and sneaks her hand back into the incubator. She strokes Eli's delicate head gently, muttering a whispered goodbye, and then Alex knows. She's definitely pulling an Izzie.

"If you want to play games just like you did with Izzie, then it's Edwards who needs the lesson," he says, looking poignantly at her.

"I'll find Wilson and tell her to monitor Eli," Addison says.

"As long as you don't pull an Izzie again."

"Fine," she agrees quietly, then she exits the NICU.

Alex stares at Eli for a moment longer, wondering if he'll ever see him alive again now that he's leaving too. He hates feeling this useless.

"Alex! Karev!" Derek is calling out his name from the other end of the NICU, sprinting towards him. He has no idea what it might be, but he immediately thinks that something has happened to Meredith.

"Shepherd, is everything okay with Meredith?"

Derek looks puzzled for a moment. "Yes, she's doing fine. Why?"

"You were running here like her room was on fire, I thought...Nevermind."

"How's Eli?" Derek demands right away.

Alex swallows thickly, feeling bad for lying to him. "He's stable, now."

"Good. I figured out a way to transfer him to Meredith's room."

Alex's eyes boggle out. He'll give it to the man, he's stubborn. Between him and Meredith, Eli has definitely a lot of stubbornness genes he can inherit. The Uncle Alex in him hopes he got them all.

"I know you'll say no, but hear me out," Derek fuels, then he starts to lay out the plan in detail. Alex has to admit, it almost makes sense. He can't give in, because it's breaking at least fifty rules he knows of, but Derek clearly thought this through. "Please. I'm begging you to say yes."

Alex sighs. "I can't."

"Karev, please."

"Derek, if any other parent of a baby I'm treating would ask me something like this, I'd never even let them finish their explanation. Yes, it can be done, in theory, but I can't bring your son into Meredith's room. My hands are tied."

"You saw how much better he was feeling while I was holding him and she was talking to him. Please…" Derek's eyes are glistening with tears, and Alex hates this.

"Derek, it's...you both should prepare yourselves. Stop thinking about moving him or bending the rules and think about Eli. Leave the rest to me and Addison."

"Alex…"

"Derek, it's not good. Eli has been through a lot. And Meredith should be resting herself, not bending over backwards to see him. She's still at risk of infection and she's very weak. You can't do everything and be everywhere."

"So what? He has to die alone? First you practically tell me to prepare myself because my son is dying, and then that I have to be with Meredith and not with him?" Derek's sharp reproach turns the very few heads who are still in the NICU so late at night.

"I'm just telling you that the FaceTime feed is the best we can do. And it's more than I've ever done for any other parent. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, right." Derek shakes his head putting his hand over the plexiglass separating him from his son. "Go home. Do whatever you have to do. I'll keep an eye on my son."

Alex sighs, shaking his head, as he says his soft goodbye to Eli. He hopes he'll get to see him in the morning, during rounds, even if he's not so sure his friendship with Meredith and Derek will survive the night.

* * *

Derek restarts the FaceTime feed as soon as Karev has left, watching as Meredith settles under the stiff sheets once again.

"Mer, keep talking to him, okay?" he murmurs, resting his phone close to Eli.

"Mmm, of course," she murmurs, blinking away the sleep from her gaze.

"I'll come and get you in no time."

"What?"

"Alex said no to the transfer, so I'm sneaking you in again."

Meredith's eyes widen, and with reason. He's not usually this reckless and careless with her health, and usually, he'd be very much against jeopardizing it just to be with Eli for a moment, but since Alex had all but given them a death sentence, he knows he can't do this to Meredith. She has to be here in case their son dies, or she'll never forgive herself. Heck, he'll never forgive himself either.

"Derek, why?"

"His stats were better when we were both here. He needs us. And Eli needs his mommy."

Meredith exhales loudly, nodding. "Hurry, then."

Derek drops everything and sneaks out of the NICU, noticing that there's only Jo Wilson and a couple of nurses holding down the fort. He's glad that they have moved Eli to a secluded part of the NICU, far from the glass window, away from the prying eyes of gossip, but also far from the vigilant eyes of the nurses.

He gets back to Meredith's room in record time, and he has no problems sneaking her out of her room, since the hallways are deserted in the middle of the night.

As soon as they're both scrubbed in and they've crossed the threshold of the NICU though, they are blocked by Jo Wilson's slender body, hands on her hips, and a stern look on her face.

"What is she doing here?" she asks.

"Visiting," he replies sheepishly.

"In the middle of the night?" Of course she doesn't fall for that.

"I have insomnia sometimes," Meredith fuels, trying to soften the resident. "I missed my baby."

Jo sighs. "Fine. Don't stay too long, though. And don't interfere with the nurses."

Meredith smiles, thanking Dr. Wilson, then they move towards Eli's bedside. Meredith's eyes light up when she sees their baby boy.

"Hello there, Eli. Mama is back."

They can clearly see Eli's heart rate regularize the more Meredith talks and touches him, even though his values still aren't ideal.

"Do you think I can hold him?" Meredith asks timidly. "I mean, he's so tiny, and so light he won't hurt me."

He smiles. "I'll make it happen."

He calls for Dr. Wilson once again, telling her Meredith wants to hold Eli. At first, Jo refuses, but then Meredith charms her again and the resident gives in.

Derek picks up Meredith from the wheelchair and deposits her on the rocking chair, careful not to hurt her. She grimaces for a bit as she settles, but then a smile blooms on her face as soon as he unties her gown and picks up Eli from the confines of his incubator.

Jo helps him with the wires, making sure they don't tangle or interfere with Meredith's IV lines, but in less than a minute later, Eli is safely tucked into Meredith's arms, and he has never seen something as beautiful as them together.

* * *

Tears spring to Meredith's eyes. She has waited for so long to hold Eli, and now he's finally in her arms.

"I love you so much, Eli," she murmurs, stroking the back of his velvety head with the pads of two of her fingers, trying to unwrap him from his blanket and yet keep him covered.

She can't believe how tiny he is. How light and yet how strong he is for making it this far. And she can't believe that there's not much else they can do. Medically, she knows what's happening, but as a mother, she can't begin to understand why. At this point, though, she vows to keep her head clear, and focus only on the moment. Focus on Eli and how beautiful and tiny he is.

The wires disappear as she closes her eyes and focuses on his impossibly tiny chest rising and falling against her breast, or the way his tiny hands are roaming around her skin, trying to find something to hold on to. His left hand has a strong grip on her thumb, while his right is digging softly into her clavicle, touching and feeling every inch of her skin.

With her free hand, Meredith strokes every vertebrae on his spine, lingering on each minuscule bump as she moves back and forth, back and forth, from the nape of his neck to the edge of his diaper. Eli's cheek is so soft against her skin as she strokes it with her thumb; other times, she lets herself enjoy the feel of his hair, silky and soft.

Eli's legs are skinny and frog-like, his feet no bigger than her first thumb phalange as she proceeds to count all his toes. Her baby boy has everything, even if he's a miniature human being. He needed more growth time inside her, and she feels guilty for that.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs close to his tiny ear, and Eli tightens his grip on her finger and clavicle.

"I think I've never seen something as beautiful as you two," Derek says, intruding in her moment, and she smiles up at him when he sits on a stool next to them.

Derek's fingers touch Eli's head gently, before he presses a kiss against her temple, breathing her in.

Meredith has no idea how long they stay there like this, huddled together like a family, taking in every single inch of their baby boy. They aren't saying much, they mostly tell Eli how much they love him and how their family is like. They tell him all about the things they'll probably never get to do together, though she doesn't want to go there just yet. Against all odds, she's still hoping. Holding her little boy close gives her hope. She sings to him almost as if it were any other night at home, and she pretends everything is fine. For both their sakes, she has to pretend.

Eli's heartbeat falters for a moment, making the monitors beep, and this time talking and holding him is futile. Derek takes in a sharp breath, kissing the crown of Eli's head, almost as if he were savoring the smell of their baby boy, in the same way he likes to breathe her in. Eli mostly smells like hospital and sterilizing alcohol, but there's also something that is typically him hidden there.

"You'll be okay, Eli," she murmurs, then the monitors beep again, alerting Wilson.

The third year resident walks closer, stethoscope around her neck and Eli's digital chart in her hands. Meredith turns around Eli so that she can check on him, but she knows that this is it before she can see the glum look in Jo's eyes.

"I think we should take him up for another scan, his lungs don't sound good, and neither does his heart."

Meredith's heart sinks at the announcement, as she shares a look with Derek. He looks equally devastated.

"Derek, this is it. This is as far as we can go, isn't it?"

"Yes. I think...Yes." Derek swallows thickly, lowering his gaze to Eli.

"I don't want him to die alone. Nobody deserves to die alone," she whimpers, and she feels Derek's hand squeeze hers firmly.

"He won't. We'll be right here with him." His tone is soft and broken, but also firm and resolute. "Dr. Wilson, he doesn't need more tests."

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey…"

"No extraordinary measures," Meredith murmurs, rubbing Eli's sternum before she props him with his ear against her heart again.

"But –"

"We know, Wilson," Derek says quietly, his eyes glistening with tears.

"Dr. Montgomery and Dr. Karev trusted me with this case, it's my responsibility to help," Jo interjects, but they have made up their minds.

"And it's our right to refuse your help, Dr. Wilson." Derek speaks for both of them, since Meredith can't seem to find her voice.

"Are you one hundred percent sure?" Jo insists, and both Meredith and Derek let out deep breaths.

"We're sure," Meredith croaks, Derek nodding beside her.

The monitors blare loudly again, making Meredith flinch and shudder, but Derek's hand on her shoulder grounds her.

"I'll help you with the wires," Wilson offers, her eyes strangely misty too.

Meredith shifts Eli so Derek can remove his IV from his leg, and also the heart monitor. He tapes the needle punctures, soothing them with a kiss, and she clearly sees a tear slide down Derek's cheek and onto Eli's skin as he works. All the leads and his feeding tube are removed, slowly and steadily, Derek's touch still gentle on their son. At last, with the help of Jo, Derek removes the ventilator mask.

When Eli takes his very first gulp of air, a sob escapes Meredith's lips. It's a wheezing breath more than anything else, but it's a breath nonetheless.

For the first time, Meredith looks at Eli's face without any barrier and tears spring to her eyes. He really looks like her.

"Meredith," Derek murmurs, sitting down beside her again, trying to cradle her and Eli in his arms.

"Do you think we loved him enough?"

"We did. There wasn't anything else we could have done for him, Meredith."

She nods, but she doesn't find comfort in his words.

* * *

Meredith lets Derek hold Eli for a moment, and he wants to memorize every inch of their son. He doesn't want to forget anything about him.

"You've been so precious, Eli. I'll never forget you. I'll love you forever."

He doesn't want to cry, not yet, not when their son is still alive, but he feels a lump in his throat as he whispers sweet endearments to his son.

Derek is jarred back into reality when his phone buzzes on the side table, and he notices that it's his mother calling him. His heart sinks. He forgot about the world outside of this hospital, about his family – their families – and their jobs. Nothing else mattered but Eli.

"It's my mother," he announces gravely, and Meredith nods.

"Tell her."

Derek kisses Eli's forehead one last time, wincing at the wheezing, before he passes him back to Meredith. Their baby boy settles gently into her hold as he answers the call.

"Derek!" His mother's jovial tone grates on his frayed nerves.

"Ma," he croaks, clearing his throat.

"What's going on?" She sobers up right away hearing his tone, and Derek is grateful for it. He suspects she talked to Amelia, but he's not sure. He decides it doesn't matter. They have more important issues to deal with at the moment, he can figure out that one later.

"We're in the hospital. Meredith had a complication with her pregnancy and she had to deliver the baby."

"Oh goodness. Isn't he too tiny?"

"He is. We've named him Elijah Thomas. Eli."

"Such a beautiful name, dear. How's Eli doing?"

"He's not gonna make it, Mom," he admits, his voice catching as he wipes away a tear from his cheek.

"Oh, Derek…"

"Can you pray for him? You believe in God and Heaven; please, pray for him."

"I will." His mother's voice is soft and broken now, and he's barely holding it together. "I'll call your sisters and let them know. You get back to Meredith and Eli."

"Thank you. I love you."

"I love you, too. Call me if you need me, and kiss my grandson for me. Tell him he's grandma's favorite."

"I will," he croaks, catching a sob before it escapes his lips.

The dial tone keeps beeping in Derek's ear as he turns away from Meredith and Eli to catch his breath and gather back his composure. He has no idea how they can get on with their lives after this, but now is not the time to think about that.

He sits back next to Meredith, kissing both her and their son's foreheads. Eli's wheezing has worsened, but Meredith keeps holding him and caressing him with undeniable love.

It's unfair. Life is unfair.

Time ticks away slowly, marked by Eli's heavy breathing and their sniffles, while the world falls away and only their bubble remains. It's getting lighter outside, but Derek knows Eli won't get to see the sunset tonight.

"Derek," Meredith whimpers, her voice cracking at the end, as the wheezing stops momentarily, before it resumes.

"We love you so much, Eli," he murmurs, wrapping his arm around his son and his wife, unable to say more or do anything else.

The pauses between the wheezes become longer and longer, and at some point he feels like he should stop looking. He's not sure he can watch his baby boy die.

Their Eli is dying and there's nothing they can do about it.

He closes his eyes for a bit as he touches the back of his head with Meredith, both of their gazes focused on their son as he takes his very last breaths.

"It's okay, Eli. You'll be okay," Meredith murmurs, her voice void of any hope for the first time. "It's okay to go. We'll love you forever."

It's six twenty-four when it happens. Meredith whimpers, squeezing her eyes shut, her face lowering to kiss the crown of Eli's head, and then Derek knows. It's over.

Tears roll down his cheeks as Meredith buries her face into the crook of his neck and he holds her – holds them. With Meredith, they cradle their lifeless son together, and he has no idea how he's still breathing, the devastation in his heart overwhelming.

Derek has lost a father and a best friend during his lifetime, but nothing ever felt like this. The pain and the despair will never compare.

As he watches Meredith caress Eli so tenderly, he feels like part of his heart has stopped beating too.

* * *

 _A Death blow is a Life blow to Some_

 _Who till they died, did not alive become—_

 _Who had they lived, had died but when_

 _They died, Vitality begun._

 _ **\- Emily Dickinson**_


	22. Chapter 21

**Irene's A/N: Thank you for trusting us with this storyline and reading on. We're really glad you believe in us and what we have planned. Keep trusting us.  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 21**

* * *

She doesn't want to let him go. Neither of them. She can't. She's afraid that if she lets them go, she'll never feel whole again. Reality will set in. She'll have to accept what's done is done. She made a choice. She and Derek both did, and they'll have to live with it for the rest of their lives.

Would it really have made a difference if they had allowed Wilson and the nurses to intervene? If they had taken Eli for a CT, it would have revealed what they already knew. And if they'd allowed Wilson to resuscitate him, how much more time would Eli have had? Hours? Days? Meredith can't think about the what ifs right now. She knows she'll have plenty of time for that later.

Meredith can't think at all. She can't feel. Her whole body is numb. She clings to her lifeless son, and at some point realizes her head is buried in Derek's chest.

Her face is dry, and her thoughts are empty. She has no idea how much time passed, and she doesn't want to know. It doesn't matter. Nothing does. When she looks at the clock, she's afraid she'll have to say goodbye to Eli forever.

But she's already said goodbye to him. Even though his lifeless body is still cradled in her arms, the baby that could have been is gone, and he's not coming back.

Her son is dead. Zola and Bailey's brother is dead.

 _Zola_ , Meredith thinks of her oldest child. How are she and Derek ever going to explain to Zola that her baby brother is dead? She was so excited to meet him. Meredith doesn't want to be the one to break her daughter's heart. It's too much for Meredith even begin to contemplate.

She heaves a breath of stale air, still unable to process her thoughts or allow her tears to release.

Meredith Grey feels nothing at all.

The emptiness is interrupted by a slamming door.

"I can't believe you!" Alex's angry voice carries Meredith back to reality. "You're a sick human being, you know that."

"Alex, I don't understand why you're upset. You knew perfectly well what I was doing," Addison barks back. Meredith blinks, raising her eyebrows and taking a picture of the room with her eyes. The nurse who was there has vanished. Derek is still kneeling in front of Meredith. He has one hand on Eli's still body and one arm around Meredith. His head tilts up now too, and he moves to her side.

Jo Wilson is curled up in the corner of the room with her arms wrapped around her knees. Her face is soaked with tears. Alex stands in the doorway facing Addison.

"I told you not to pull an Izzie," Alex seethes. "And you act like Eli is just like any other baby. You disgust me."

"If I recall correctly, you specified that your girlfriend should be the one to monitor Eli," Addison retorts. By the tears on Wilson's face, one might misinterpret that _she_ was the one whose baby died. Meredith bites her tongue.

"And then I figured out what you were doing, and I told you to get Edwards if you were pulling an Izzie!"

"What's this about?" Derek interjects himself into the argument.

"Yeah, what _is_ this about?" Jo echoes Derek, pulling herself off the ground. She wipes her damp face with her scrub top then readjusts her posture. "What does _Izzie_ have to do with anything?" There's a bitterness that erupts in her tone when she speaks Izzie's name.

Addison and Alex share a glance, and finally Alex says, "When Izzie was an intern, Addison had her monitor a dying infant all night. She told her the baby better be alive when she got back."

"That's what she said to me," Jo croaks. "I...I tried...I really did, but Meredith and Derek didn't want extraordinary measures. T-There was nothing I could do." Tears stream down Jo's oval face, staining her already wet cheeks.

"Yeah, well, Addison knew when she left Izzie that the baby wasn't going to make it through the night. She knew when she left last night that Eli wasn't going to make it. I told her not to do that to you, to get Stephanie if she was going to use Eli as a teaching opportunity, which I didn't support in the first place, because he's not just any baby…"

"Yes, he is," Meredith barely manages to croak. "Was," she murmurs her correction. The back of her throat burns.

"What?" Alex stares point blank at Meredith.

"Eli was just like any other baby in this damn hospital, and he deserved to be treated like so. Addison had every right to use him as a teaching opportunity," Meredith says. "In fact, I'm glad she did. Eli deserved to serve a purpose."

"What the Hell is going on? Let me see if I'm understanding this correctly. Dr. Montgomery told me to monitor Elijah so I could watch him _die_? She told me to keep him alive, _knowing_ he would die?" Jo asks sharply.

"It's a test of your willpower and emotions. To be a good surgeon, you have to be able to emotionally disconnect, but you still have to be willing to try everything," Addison explains. She heaves an edgy exhale as she folds her hands together.

"My God." Jo gasps. She glares at Alex. "And _you_ didn't think I was strong enough to handle this!" Jo barks. "I...I can't believe you!" Jo sobs harder, and Meredith has had enough.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, will you freaking stop crying, Wilson?!" Meredith roars, capturing every volt of energy she has left within her. Her blood boils, and she feels a sudden rush of adrenaline. "You would think that you're the one who lost your baby. Well, news flash: It's me. I'm the one with the dead baby, not you. So for the love of whoever you freaking want to believe in, stop crying. Please." Meredith breathes in and out, her lungs exasperated. The throbbing in her temples intensifies. "You only prove that you needed the lesson. You're too emotionally attached. You need to toughen up, or you are never going to make it as a surgeon," Meredith finishes.

Meredith's ears buzz. She's lightheaded. Suddenly, she realizes everyone's eyes are on her. Then Addison points. "Meredith…" Derek's eyes jerk toward her, and Meredith's eyes fall to her stomach, where Elijah's body still lies motionless.

A stinging sensation rips through her abdomen when her eyes fall to the red blotch slowly seeping through her gown. Addison bends forward and gently removes Eli from her arms.

"No," Meredith heaves. "No...give...him... _back_." Meredith attempts to lift her arms, but her limbs have turned to deadweight. Acid bubbles up her esophagus, spilling from her mouth. Meredith gasps for air, but she ingests the vomit in her mouth and gags. She's choking on stomach acid, since she's positive she has little remaining in her stomach to regurgitate. She's been on a liquid diet since Eli was born, and she barely ate anything at all the day before the C-section because she was so sick.

Her ears won't stop ringing as bright flashes fill her eyes. She hears someone shout out, "Get a gurney!" before the room fades to black.

* * *

It all happens so fast. Derek feels like someone stabbed a dagger right through the core of his heart. This is all his fault. He's the one who snuck Meredith into the NICU when she was supposed to be resting. He's the reason she's ripped her stitches. Meredith is bleeding to death, and it's all his fault.

He tries to follow the herd of doctors and nurses surrounding his wife, rolling her toward OR 1, but then a body slides in front of him. "Get him out of here!" he hears a voice shriek that sounds like Dr. Bailey, but he can't see her.

"I need to be with her," Derek pleads out of desperation, feeling lightheaded. His head spins. _He can't lose them both._

"Derek, come with me. Please. You can't be in there, you know that." It takes him a moment to recognize his sister's voice. Where has she come from? She's tugging at his arm. "Derek, stay with me."

" _I'm scared, Derek. Don't leave me,"_ he hears Amelia's tiny, innocent five-year-old cries.

" _I won't go anywhere, Amy, I promise,"_ he hears himself assuring her. He gazes sharply at Amelia. She's definitely not five years old anymore.

"I can't leave her alone," he tells his sister. "I can't."

"She's not alone," Amelia replies gently, touching his shoulder. "She has an army on her side."

 _So did Eli, and he still died,_ Derek thinks, scoping the now-desolate hall. Where had Addison gone? Addison had taken Eli from Meredith's arms, and now she's disappeared too.

 _Addison was supposed to be the best. She was supposed to save them both._

Derek feels nauseous. He needs to get away. He can't just stand here in the hall. _He can't lose them both_. Derek begrudgingly storms past Amelia, taking wide strides down the hall. He's not paying attention to where he is or where he's going. Hell, he could find his way around the hospital on his own blindfolded, probably, but his surroundings all blend together right now.

He enters a closet, slamming the door behind him. The shelves of supplies surround him as he presses his back against the door.

It doesn't take him long to realize he's not alone.

* * *

The sobbing he hears takes him completely aback. Derek is already numb inside, so he doesn't know what to make or how feel about what he's just become a witness to. Alex Karev is on the floor, his arms draped around his legs. Derek hears a muffled sniffle, and then Alex looks up and meets his eyes.

Derek Shepherd has never seen Alex Karev cry before, nor did he ever imagine Alex as the type _to_ cry. He's tough and seems like someone who buries it all inside, much like Derek. Men aren't supposed to cry. They're not supposed to show their emotions.

Derek gulps, trying to hold back his own tears, but as soon as he meets Alex's blotched red eyes, a tear releases.

He silently sits beside Alex, and Alex places a hand on Derek's shoulder. The atmosphere in the closet is tense. Awkward. Derek doesn't know what to say to Alex, and he senses Alex doesn't know what to say to him, either.

He hears Alex's breaths hitch. Then Alex mutters, "I'm sorry."

Derek doesn't know if Karev is apologizing for being an ass to him last night, or if he's apologizing because Elijah is dead. He also doesn't know how to respond to the apology, because it's not okay. It's not okay that Alex was an ass to him during his son's final hours of life, and it's not okay that Eli is dead. Neither are okay.

So Derek swallows. "I know you are," he whispers, folding his hands together, and he rests his head on his knuckles.

"Meredith will be okay," Alex adds, his hand still on Derek's shoulder. "She always is."

Derek shakes his head, biting down his lip, vaguely recalling a conversation between him and Yang after Bailey was born. "I hope you're right," he says. "Have you called Cristina, by chance?"

The door swings open before Alex answers, and Derek is expecting to see Amelia, since she probably saw him enter the closet, but it's not Amelia. It's Jo. Her eyes are bright red from crying many tears. Derek thinks Meredith was right about Jo. She needed the lesson from Addison; she's too attached to her patients. She'll never make it as a doctor if she gets this emotional about every patient who dies, baby or not. Derek knows babies are the hardest to lose, because they haven't had a chance to live a life yet. As a doctor, you feel it's your responsibility to give them that chance to live, but you can't save them all.

You can't.

And unfortunately, his son was one of the unlucky ones who will never get to write his future.

It hasn't sunk in yet. Derek's brain is still in a haze. He can't even begin to allow reality to sink in yet, either. RIght now, he just needs Meredith to be okay. He needs to know she's going to be all right.

"Alex, I've been looking for you," Jo says. "I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have assumed…" Her eyes dart to Derek, and her face softens. "Dr. Shepherd, I am so, so sorry," she says.

 _I'm sorry._ He hates those words, despite the good intention behind them. They've always been his least favorite words. He doesn't understand why after someone dies, people feel the need to apologize to you. After his dad died, he remembers attending the funeral, and how everyone told his mother and his sisters and him how "sorry" they were. It didn't make sense, unless they were the ones to pull the trigger.

No one killed Eli. Deep down, Derek knows that. He would have died no matter what. No one should be apologizing for his death. Elijah Thomas Shepherd's fate was sealed.

If anyone is responsible, Derek feels like it should be him. If only he had kept a better watch on Meredith. He should have trusted his gut when she wasn't feeling well. He should have remembered to keep a closer eye on her blood pressure. He should have taken her to the hospital the minute she indicated she wasn't feeling well. He should have… he should have done better.

If he hadn't put so much stress on her in the early weeks of her pregnancy, maybe things would have been different.

If he hadn't pushed her buttons and upset her over and over again…

If only…

He could have done better. Derek knows he could have done better. He could have been a better husband. He could have been a better father.

But it's too late now. He can't turn back the clocks.

"Alex, can we talk?" Jo asks, stiffening her posture as she gazes at Karev. Derek senses a large amount of tension between the couple.

Alex nods and pulls himself up, walking over to Jo. Before leaving, he briefly turns to Derek. "No, I haven't talked to Cristina? Should I?"

Derek sighs. "Let's not call her yet," he concludes. He knows Cristina won't just up and leave Zurich unless Meredith is on the brink of death. For what it's worth, he hopes they won't have to call in Cristina. He doesn't want to be the one to have to explain to Cristina what's happened, considering he has no idea what Meredith has and hasn't shared with her already. It should be Meredith to fill her best friend in on the details. Not him.

He hopes Meredith will be the one to call Cristina, if she chooses.

* * *

His mind is still very much in a fog when the door opens only seconds after Alex and Jo walk out. He clenches his fists, biting down on his lower lip as he recognizes the figure in front of him. His youngest sister slides beside him, her hand landing on his knee. She leans into him and wraps his arms around his upper body cavity. Suddenly, he's reminded of a moment long ago, when he and Amelia were hiding in another closet. Only they weren't in a hospital. They were in a grocery store, and her arms weren't around him. His were around hers.

He closes his eyes as tears pour out of them. Amelia, apart from Meredith, is one of the few people who has seen him cry. Amelia and Meredith are the only ones he's shown his vulnerability to. He doesn't even remember crying in Addison's presence. There was once, a long time ago, that he had a breakdown in front of Dr. Bailey, but he doesn't remember exact situation. It probably had something to do with Meredith. For some reason, he's cried a lot more since meeting Meredith. Addison never made him cry.

With great love comes great pain.

Amelia's fingers eventually entwine with his. She doesn't say _I'm sorry_. She doesn't speak a word. He senses that she knows that her presence is enough.

He feels forgiveness. He forgives Amelia for making out with Owen on his couch, even though who knows what he might have walked into if he'd entered only a few moments later. He knows their actions didn't directly influence what happened to Meredith and Elijah. Meredith was already sick, and it was only a matter of time. If they hadn't gone to the hospital right then, Meredith may already be dead. It's possible that Owen and Amelia _saved_ Meredith's life.

Yet, Derek still seethes when he thinks about Owen. It's easier to forgive Amelia because she's his sister. She's his family. Blood blinds him to Amelia, while he shares no connection to Owen. They've never been close friends. For the longest time, their only connection was the friendship their wives shared. They were brothers-in-law in a way. _And now Owen Hunt is dating his sister?_ Owen Hunt is dating his _real_ sister. Derek hasn't had time to let that fact sink in.

"Do you love him?" Derek whispers. Amelia's head tilts upward; their eyes meet. Her irides glisten.

"Huh?" she asks with confusion written all over her face.

"Owen," Derek murmurs.

"Oh!" she gasps, her eyes widening.

"Well?" Derek presses, noting the hint of gruffness in his voice, though he's not sure if he intended it to be there or not.

"I...don't know," Amelia admits. "Maybe."

"I don't want you to get hurt," Derek says.

"Well, look at you. Just lost your baby, your wife's life is hanging on by a thread, and you're worrying about me? Same old Derek," Amelia sighs loudly.

"It's how I cope," Derek decides, a tiny smile escaping his lips. _Your wife's life is hanging on by a thread_. He hopes Amelia is just being her overdramatic self, and she doesn't have new information about Meredith's current condition. He pushes those thoughts out of his head for the time being. "I can't control what's happening in my life right now, so I pry into yours."

"But you can't control me, either," Amelia points out, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. Her eyes sparkle as her pupils dilate. "Derek, if anyone is scared to death of being hurt, it's me. I've been hurt _so_ many times. I'm scared to death to get close to Owen, because people die when I get close to them, or I freak out and run across the country. No one knows what the future holds. Maybe Owen is the one, maybe he's not. Time will tell. You and I can't spend time worrying about the future. All we can do is live in the moment. A day at a time." Amelia takes a deep breath.

Derek's breaths hitch, and he echoes, "A day at a time."

"A day at a time," Amelia repeats.

"When did you get so wise?" Derek questions, wrapping his arm around his little sister.

"I guess tragedy makes us wise," Amelia hums, leaning into his chest as the door opens again.

* * *

Addison's eyes are rimmed with red as she appears at the closet's threshold. It's one of the very few times Derek has seen her less than perfectly put together, but he can't dwell much on that.

"Meredith," he blurts, already standing up, ready to go wherever Meredith is now. "How's Meredith?"

"Bailey finished repairing her stitches and she's out of surgery. She's looking for you to update you, though."

"Oh," he sighs, his shoulders dropping, though he still doesn't feel completely relaxed. He won't relax until he's sure that Meredith is perfectly okay.

"Derek, I'm so, so sorry, I…"

Derek can feel the emotion in Addison's voice, and he has no idea why she cares so much about his family. He cheated on her with Meredith, possibly breaking her heart in the process, and now she's sorry his son is dead? He doesn't know what to think anymore, every thought in his brain is a jumbled mess, and he wants all this to stop. He's not sure how much more of this he can take.

"You did everything you could," he says, sounding like a doctor in his head. He's not sure he can process Eli's death in any other way, especially not right now.

"I'm going back to LA tomorrow morning, after I've finished up the paperwork. There's nothing more here for me to do." Addison's voice is grave, her eyes cast low on the floor.

Derek nods, swallowing a sudden lump in his throat. This is not the time he wants to cry in front of Addison.

Amelia's hand rests on his back and rubs slowly up and down, before she squeezes his shoulder.

"Let's go. I'll take you to see Meredith," Amelia murmurs, coaxing him on his feet.

When he's shakily standing up again, his knees feeling wobbly. He gives one last look to Addison, unsure if he should thank her for everything she has done, or blame her for everything instead of blaming himself. He opts for remaining quiet instead.

Addison's goodbye is a squeeze of his free shoulder.

Derek follows his sister's lead out of the closet and then his surroundings blur. He's not sure if she already knows where Meredith is or if they stop for information. He only knows that a few minutes later they're standing outside a cubicle in the ICU and he can see Dr. Bailey's small form fussing around Meredith's sleeping body.

Amelia slides open the door, slightly pushing him in, her blue eyes soft and full of sorrow.

"I'll be out here if you need anything," she says, her voice calm and collected, even if slightly broken. Derek has no idea when Amelia became this strong, but there will be a time to figure that one out when this nightmare is over.

"Derek." Bailey's voice beckons him closer to Meredith's bed, and he slides the door shut behind his back.

"How is she?" He asks with a lump in his throat, dreading the answer.

"The wound was mainly superficial, though I had to repair a couple of her C-section's stitches. We're transfusing back some blood, but I'm not worried about that."

Yet, by the way she moves closer to him and how she's fussing around Meredith, he knows there's something to be worried about.

His thoughts are sidetracked when he sees Meredith's eyes fluttering and her fingers twitching, signaling that the anesthesia is wearing off.

Derek side-steps around Bailey and grasps Meredith's hand into his, standing right beside her head, brushing away a few strands of her hair. He delicately caresses her face, holding back his tears when he sees how broken she looks, still.

His heart leaps in his throat when her eyes open, and he can see the confusion and the despair there.

"Welcome back," he hums, kissing her forehead, his heart breaking even further when she brings her hands to her stomach, resting over her fresh C-shaped scar.

"Oh," she croaks, and Derek can see the moment when all the memories hit her and her eyes fill with tears.

Meredith stares deep into his gaze and he can't pull away, no matter how much it hurts to be looking into her eyes and wondering if Eli's would have had the same shade. He can't hide from Meredith, not right now, not when every nerve ending in his body feels exposed and raw, and he can barely figure out which way is up.

"Meredith, you tore your stitches, do you remember that?" Bailey interrupts, and Meredith turns to look at her former resident.

"Yes," Meredith croaks.

"I repaired them, and the damage wasn't extensive."

"Good," Meredith forces out, closing her eyes for longer than a blink as she clears her throat.

"Do you want some water?" Derek asks right away, but Bailey is quick to chastise him.

"She can't have any liquids. Ice chips, maybe."

"Not now," Meredith replies slowly. "'m not fine, am I?" She adds, taking a deep breath, followed by a long blink.

"No, not yet," Bailey tells her sincerely, and Derek can almost see the emotion in the doctor's face.

"What's wrong with her?" He asks quickly, fear mounting in fast, and he needs to know the facts before he builds up a hundred different scenarios in his head, all of them ugly and devastating.

"The HELLP has shattered your liver functions, Meredith. Usually, by now we should see a slight improvement, but your liver is still not working properly."

Derek's heart drops in his stomach, and he drowns out the rest of Bailey's words. He expects Meredith to ask questions and demand answers, since she's the expert on livers, but she's still numb and a bit out from the anesthesia. All the same, he can't bring himself to ask questions for her. He has reached a point when all the medical terms Bailey is saying only sound like mumbo-jumbo, when his medical knowledge has been wiped out of his head and he's clueless. He can only hope his wife won't die, that's the only thought his brain can process clearly.

"We're going to send her up for more tests now that she's awake, but I'm afraid she'll need a liver transplant as soon as possible."

Derek feels Meredith's fingers grasp his tightly, holding onto him for dear life, and he wants to cling to her just as badly. He wants to wrap his arms around her and never let her go. He can't bear the idea of losing Meredith, on the same day they have lost Eli. It's too much.

Dr. Bailey leaves them, but he only hears the door closing. He's in a haze, when the only one that matters is Meredith. And he knows they have to fight this. Eli didn't have a chance, but Meredith does. She deserves a chance.

He knows he can't mope around and wait for a miracle, he needs to be proactive and figure this out. If she needs a liver, he'll find his wife a new liver.

"You'll be okay, Meredith," he whispers in her ear as her eyes droop, the tiredness from the anesthesia pulling her back to sleep. "I'll figure this out, you rest and recover, and I'll figure this one out for you."

* * *

More time passes as Meredith sleeps and Derek studies her every feature, committing every inch of her skin to his memory. His head feels full, buzzing and fuzzy with tiredness, but he can't bring himself to relax and close his eyes. He can't rest properly until he knows Meredith will be okay.

The ICU door slides open again, and Derek sees Alex enter the room quietly.

Gone is the broken man Derek surprised in the closet, and while Alex's eyes still speak of tiredness and sadness, his external composure is flawless. Derek can only hope he looks half as good as Alex appears to be.

"How's she doing?" Alex hums, sighing loudly as he opens Meredith's chart.

"Not good," Derek says, confirming what Karev can see on the screen.

"Damn." Alex shakes his head, closing the distance between himself and Meredith and squeezing her shoulder in brotherly affection.

The room fills with the beeps and whines of the monitors as they both watch Meredith rest, unable to say anything more. Derek doesn't mind the silence, since he can barely shake the lump in his throat every time he says something.

"I can take the kids home tonight," Alex offers, finally looking away from Meredith's ashen face.

Derek's heart drops. Zola and Bailey have no idea what's going on. About what happened. About their mommy. His hands start shaking.

"I know you want to stay here, and that the daycare is open, but I think they'd be comfortable in a real bed," Alex continues, almost as if he wants to fill the silence, give him time to gather his wits for a reply.

Derek is not sure he can see the kids right now, but he knows he has to explain. No matter the questions, he has to explain.

"Can you…" he trails off, looking away from Meredith. "Can you bring them here so I can explain to them what's going on?"

"Of course. I wasn't planning on telling them anything," Alex reassures, though Derek feels the weight of the explanations weighing him down even further. He can't escape it.

"Thanks."

"I'll be right back," Alex says, and then he exits quickly.

Derek keeps staring at the glass door for a long minute, his head jerking back to Meredith when he hears a pained moan escape her lips. He faces his wife again, not surprised when he can only meet glassy, pained eyes. She has a lot to be in pain for.

"Alex came by," he explains quietly, trying to keep up a resemblance of normal. "He's taking the kids home."

Meredith nods, her eyes even more glassy now. He feels her every emotion.

"We have to tell them," he chokes out, lowering his gaze to their intertwined hands, feeling the stab in his heart.

"I don't want them to see me like this, Derek," she pleads. "They need to know, but they… Eli is enough for a night."

Derek nods in understanding, though he squeezes her hand tightly as he bares his soul. "I don't think I can't tell them alone."

Meredith nudges her hand away from his hold, sending him into a short-lived panic. She shifts her fingers to his cheek instead, tracing his scratchy stubble, and then tangling into his wild hair. She rubs his scalp soothingly, as quiet tears slip down both their cheeks.

"We'll tell them together," she murmurs, when their tears have subsided, but her voice is still thick with emotion. "You have to help me look decent," she demands then, already trying to sit up straighter.

They spend the next few minutes rearranging her on the bed, shifting the wires and combing their hair, both of them making an effort not to look as haggard and broken as they feel. While their souls are splintering, they need to keep up with appearances for the kids. They need normal.

There's a knock on the glass door and then Alex slides it open, giving Meredith a poignant look when their eyes meet. "Glad to see you awake, Grey," he says with his usual snicker, though it's filled with genuine concern and relief.

"Good to see you too, Alex," Meredith replies, giving him the smallest of smiles.

"I took the kids to the conference room down the hall," Alex says, this time looking into Derek's direction.

"Bring them in," Derek whispers. "We'll do this together."

Derek squeezes Meredith's hand tightly as Alex disappears, leaning down to kiss the crown of her head, drawing strength from her broken form. She is his strength, no matter what, and he needs her for this.

He feels the energy of the children almost before they enter, both of them bouncy and full of smiles as they cross the threshold.

"I'll leave you to it," Alex murmurs, sliding the door closed.

Both Zola and Bailey run towards him, hugging him tightly, squeezing him in a vice grip.

"We haven't seen you in _forever_ , Daddy!" Zola exclaims, bouncing, before she turns to Meredith and grins brightly at her. "And Mommy!"

"F-ever!" Bailey echoes, leaning his little hands on the bed and pushing up to see his mother better.

"Come here," Meredith murmurs, caressing the top of Zola's head first, then Bailey's, as they both move to be within her reach. "Help them up, Derek," she whispers to him, her eyes glassy, as the children's smiles double in size.

Derek obliges, watching as his broken family crowds the bed, his heart clenching at the wish for a completely different scene.

"Be careful of the butterfly," he tells Zola, who nods seriously.

"Bailey, Mommy's got a butterfly to give her good medicine so we needs to be gentle."

Bailey nods, looking older, wiser, bigger. Derek's hands shake. Meredith touches both children's cheeks softly, and they let her do that in silence, probably curious about their demeanor as well.

"Mommy, Uncle Alex said you and Daddy have to stay here tonight."

"Yes, we do. I still need a bit of medicine to feel better," she explains, mustering a soft smile.

"I don't want Mommy to be all alone tonight," Derek interjects, trying not to make them feel excluded.

Zola smiles. "I gots Bails and Uncle Alex, you stay here with Mommy and Eli, Daddy. You can protect them from the monsters!"

Derek shares a look with Meredith, knowing this is the perfect opening, and yet hating to shatter his daughter's precious innocence and enthusiasm.

"Eli won't be with us, Zozo," Meredith begins quietly.

Zola shrugs. "'Course! He's in the room with all the babies."

"No, sweetheart," Meredith says, her voice even more inaudible now.

"Eli was very sick," Derek says, sitting down at the end of the bed, gathering Bailey close to him as Meredith draws Zola near.

"Eli beder?" Bailey asks, looking up at Derek with such hope that a tear slides down his cheek, unwillingly. He can't break down now, but it's too painful. He can't keep himself in check anymore.

"No, baby," Meredith chokes out, silent tears sliding down her cheeks, too.

"Where's Eli?" Zola frowns, catching up with the mood in the room. Meredith squeezes her tighter.

"He's in Heaven, Lovebug," Derek says. "With Uncle Mark and Aunt Lexie and Grandpa Shepherd. They will keep him safe."

"Daddy, but he's a baby." Zola protests, a frown marring her once-happy features. Bailey just looks confused and lost. "Babies don't go to Heaven."

"They do, sometimes. When they are very sick," Derek says, trying to school his features.

"But...He gotsa meet Bailey first. And our house! He has a whole room at the house and he doesn't want to see it?"

"He does. He did," Meredith replies, trying to rub Zola's back to soothe her, but it seems impossible. "But he was very, very sick. He was hurting very much."

"No!" Zola shouts. "No! I wanna see Eli! I wanna see my baby!"

"Zola," Derek warns, as Zola starts struggling against Meredith's arm. "Zola, you can't. He's gone. Eli is gone."

"No!" Zola shrieks again, wriggling more forcefully against Meredith. Bailey starts wailing in Derek's arms.

"Zola," Meredith murmurs, trying to calm her down, but it's futile.

"No fair, Mommy. No fair. No fair!"

Zola is in hysterics, and both Meredith and Derek can't help but cry with their children. They pull each other close, squeezing the kids in between them, as Zola keeps begging for Eli and they try not to fall apart even further.

"I s'posed to play with Eli, tomowwow," Zola mumbles into Meredith's chest as a last resolve. "I s'posed to 'duce Bails to Eli," she whimpers hiding into Meredith's chest.

"We can keep loving him like this, even if he's not here anymore," Derek tries to console her, to give her a silver lining he can't find in himself either.

"That's stupid," Zola blurts, lunging to hit him, and Derek feels like he deserves it. "Stupid, stupid stupid!" Zola keeps hitting him, and Derek keeps taking every bony punch, barely feeling the physical pain while the pain in his heart is so prominent.

When Zola lunges to shove him even harder, almost to make him fall out of the bed, Meredith restrains her, stretching a bit too tightly for her IV.

Zola shoves Meredith away, and the blood starts trickling out of the IV site, the needle falling on the bed and leaving a splotch of blood on the pristine sheets.

"Mommy!" Zola exclaims, and Bailey's eyes widen as well.

Derek acts on autopilot as he presses the call button, then grabs random supplies from one of the nearby carts to stop the bleeding. Meredith slumps back against the raised pillow, her face slightly paler than before.

"Sorry, Mommy," Zola whimpers, crawling at the end of the bed, away from Meredith, pulling her knees closer to her chest and curling into a ball. Bailey moves to sit next to her, tears streaming down his cheek as well, their boy looking confused and lost even more than before.

"Mama?" He murmurs, his eyes widening at the sight of blood. A loud howl escapes his lips as he starts bawling, scared out of his mind.

"I'm okay, it's just a tiny cut. I'll be okay," Meredith says, trying to placate the children.

"Mommy, I didn't mean to," Zola sobs, as soon as a nurse and Alex enter the room.

Derek lets go of Meredith's elbow as Alex takes over, keeping the pressure steady as Meredith regulates her breathing slowly.

"Stay with them," she murmurs for his ears only, glancing at the children.

Derek nods, moving to wrap his arms around the children's shoulders, holding them still, trying to calm their whimpers.

"Daddy, I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to hurt Mommy."

"I know. We know you remembered to be careful."

"I'm sorry," Zola whimpers, and he pulls her closer, burying her cheek onto his stomach.

She has never felt this vulnerable, this little. Not even when she was a tiny baby, straight out of surgery, he had felt this urge to protect her from everything. To take back his every word and tell her that her baby brother is fine in the NICU. That her mommy is not on the brink of death. Yet, he can't take anything back.

"'M sorry I hurted you, Daddy."

"Shhh, I know you're angry and sad about what happened. I'm angry too, and so is Mommy. It's okay to be sad."

"I don't want Mommy to die too," she whispers, breaking his heart.

"She won't die. I'll make sure Mommy won't die."

"But there's a lot of blood. Blood is bad, Daddy."

"It is, but it's gone now, see?" He reassures her when he notices that Meredith's arm is not covered in blood anymore. She's not any less pale, though, which doesn't make him feel any better.

"We should probably convert this one to a central line," Alex nods to the nurse, then looks up at Derek.

"Okay." Meredith nods, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm taking the kids home now, so…" Alex sighs, sharing a look with Meredith.

"Come give Mommy a hug," Meredith murmurs, and Bailey eagerly crawls into Derek's arms to get closer to his mother.

Derek watches as their son gives Meredith the sweetest kiss on her cheek, and then tightens his little arms around her neck in a vice grip. Meredith finally lets out the smallest of smiles.

"I love you, Bailey," he hears her murmur, Bailey replying with his own blabbered echo, before she lets go of him and Derek passes their son to Alex.

He wants to do the same with Zola, but she looks scared and hides into his chest, only allowing Meredith to rub her back soothingly.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Mommy's okay."

Zola doesn't say anything back after Meredith's words, she just shakes her head, burying her cheek even deeper into Derek's shoulder.

"I love you, Zola."

"I love you, too, Mama," Zola whispers, barely turning to look at Meredith, then hiding again.

Derek says his own goodbyes, as the children and Alex leave the room, the nurse starting the central line right away as soon as the door slides closed.

The atmosphere in the room comes to a stall for as long as the nurse is working, Meredith and Derek simply staring at one another, their eyes glassy, their hands linked.

When the nurse disappears, so does their composure.

They held onto one another as more tears grip them, the sadness for the family they were and the one they'll never become gripping them, grief wrapping itself around them like the most uncomfortable of blankets.

The more they cling to one another, the easier it feels to share the burden, at least for the time being. It's still heavy and ugly and terrible, but at least they're sharing it. For the moment, it feels like enough.

Derek knows there's not much more they can take before they break for good, so when he sees Dr. Bailey walking back in the cubicle, holding papers, he truly hopes she's bringing good news.

Studying her grim expression and her sad eyes, Derek figures out that they need more duct tape to keep it together for a bit longer.

"I have your test results, Meredith," Bailey says, starting slowly, just as Derek expected her. He's getting himself ready for the blow, squeezing Meredith's hand into his, holding onto her. Yet, he can't really prepare himself for what Bailey says next. "I'm afraid my suspicions were correct before. Your liver is failing. We're putting you on the transplant list."

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: We're happy so many of you are interested in reading Meredith and Derek's journey through the eye of the storm. As you saw in this chapter, it's not going to be an easy storm to pass through, and they kind of have to find Meredith a liver first. They have a steep hill to climb, and they'll be knocked down several times, but Irene and I have faith that our favorite fictional couple can weather any storm.**


	23. Chapter 22

**Irene's A/N: The hiatus between chapters was long, but the chapter is long as well. We still have a lot to say, so don't worry! Be patient, instead. Also, today was too significant to be forgotten, we wanted to mark the day with a new chapter.  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 22**

* * *

Every withstanding nerve-ending in Meredith's body has numbed. She's unable to feel anything at all, which she suspects is partially attributed to the umpteen million drugs pumping through her veins.

Meredith knows she's twisted for looking forward to when the pain meds wear off. Pain will mean she is still capable of feeling. Feeling something has to be better than feeling nothing at all.

The absence of feeling makes Meredith wonder if she's already half-dead.

Meredith blinks. Maybe it's better if she dies. She sees the pain and helplessness in Derek's eyes. She knows her death would destroy him.

She can't do that to him and the kids.

But, deep down, Meredith knows Derek will blame her for Elijah's death. After it's all said and done, and her life isn't hanging on by a single thread, he won't have to worry about her. He'll be free to blame her for everything. Meredith knows for a fact he will place the blame on her, and it will be within good reason.

She should have taken better care of Eli.

And God, Zola and Bailey. Meredith has never seen her daughter look more petrified, and Bailey's cries still echo in Meredith's ears. She can't even care for her healthy, alive children right now. She hates that. She hates being useless.

"Derek, you should get some rest," Dr. Bailey urges.

"Yes," Meredith agrees in a whisper. "Derek, please, take a nap. You've barely slept in days." She tries to muster a smile, but her own eyes barely hold open. She doesn't have the energy to keep them open much longer.

"I can't rest. I have to find you a liver, Meredith...I…"

"That's not your job," Dr. Bailey interjects.

"I need to get tested, and I can call all my relatives and friends and Meredith's too...someone has to be a match. Someone has to be willing to donate. I…"

"Derek." Dr. Bailey's voice is firm. "Please. Let Meredith's doctors take charge of looking for a donor. We _will_ find one."

"You can't promise that," Derek whispers.

"Derek, you need to get some sleep." Dr. Bailey is persistent. Meredith sees Derek glance over at the couch in the corner of the room before her own eyes droop shut. She hears Derek and Bailey continue to argue. Derek's voice moves to her other side, so she suspects he's moved toward the couch.

"Not here," Dr. Bailey says sharply.

"I'm not leaving," Derek quips. "I'm not leaving Meredith."

"Derek, you need to be somewhere where you can sleep soundly, and that's not here. Doctors and nurses will be monitoring Meredith all night. Go to an on-call room. Meredith isn't going anywhere, and she couldn't be in better hands," Dr. Bailey says, more or less ordering Derek to leave the room.

Then Meredith hears Derek mutter something that sounds like, "You said that about Eli too."

There's silence for a while, until Meredith hears Dr. Bailey say, "I'll page you the minute anything changes."

"No you won't," Derek says. "I'm not an idiot. You don't want me here _in case_ something happens." Meredith realizes they're talking now like she's asleep and can't hear them. She doesn't do anything to indicate she can.

"Derek, please, don't make me taze you and drag your body out of here, because I will. Mark my word."

Meredith hears Derek sigh loudly, and a few seconds later she feels his dry lips on her forehead. Apparently not all her nerve-endings are dead. "I love you, Mere," he murmurs. Her sense of smell is also still intact, because she notices that his breath is vile. She wants to tell him she loves him, too, and also he should brush his teeth, but her weakness succumbs her.

Her hospital room soon deafens to silence. The only sounds she hears are the rhythmic beeps coming from her various monitors. She tries to open her eyes to see if Dr. Bailey is still in the room, but her field of vision is blurry. Her eyes are much too heavy with exhaustion, so she keeps them squeezed shut.

Her thoughts are all over the place. She can't stop thinking about how she's messed everything up. Her whole family is in shambles, and Meredith realizes it's mostly her fault.

She wonders how close to death she really is. She wishes she could read her chart right now, but if she's not strong enough to open her eyes, she certainly isn't able to focus long enough to read a hospital chart. Given how weak she is, Meredith suspects she's pretty close. She doesn't remember being this weak before, not even after the ferryboat crash when she actually _did_ die.

At some point, her mind goes blank, and she drifts into a dreamless land.

* * *

No one is in the on-call room on Meredith's floor, and Derek is grateful for that. He slams his body on the bottom bunk and squeezes his head with the pillow. He hates on-call room beds because they're hard as rocks. He would rather sleep on the couch in the attendings' lounge, but has an inkling that he wouldn't be blessed with aloneness there, and if he can't be with Meredith right now, he wants to be alone. Completely alone.

He wants to punch something. A wall. Maybe a person. Anything. The anger bubbles inside him, and there's nothing he can do about it. However, he knows using his fists won't help him. It will only make matters worse.

If he hadn't talked with his fists in DC, maybe he would still be there. Maybe Meredith would still be pregnant if he hadn't fucked up in DC and got himself fired. Maybe they would all be better off.

He'd fucked up his dream job for Meredith, and this was how the Universe had repaid him. He thought that the loss of his job in DC was the Universe's way of telling him he needed to be with Meredith and his children.

He was going to be a father of three. He was supposed to be in Seattle for his wife and three kids. That's how it was supposed to be.

He cries and cries, until sleep steals his consciousness.

* * *

The vibrations of his phone brings him back to consciousness. His heart is racing; he has no idea how much time has passed, since there are no windows in this on-call room, so it's easy to lose track of time. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, worrying that it's someone calling to tell him something has happened to Meredith. It's Alex Karev's name lighting up his screen.

"Alex? Is Meredith okay?" He cuts straight to the chase, then he remembers Alex went home with the kids last night. Still, he might have talked to Dr. Bailey or someone else and have an update on Meredith.

"I was calling you to ask that. You're not with her?" Alex's worried voice comes through his speaker.

"No, Dr. Bailey kicked me out. Are you with my kids?"

"We're at your house, yes. Mer gave me a key in case of emergencies a while ago," Alex explains. Derek's eyes widen, he had no idea. Something else Meredith forgot to mention, apparently, but he can't be mad at her right now.

"How are they doing?" Derek asks, feeling his stomach muscles tighten. He recalls how upset Zola was after her last visit with Meredith and learning of Eli's death. Derek's heart crushes thinking of how spooked she'd been after dislodging Meredith's wire. He's never seen her look so scared before in his life, other than when she saw Meredith bleeding when she hit her head at the house before Eli was born. The beginning of the end. He hates that his children have had to witness their mother like this, especially Zola. Bailey is probably too young to remember all this, but Zola isn't, and it'll stick with her. She's less than a year younger than Amelia was when their father was shot.

But Meredith isn't going to die. She's going to be fine. She has to be. Meredith always pulls through after the countless times she's been close to death, and then she gets everyone else to move forward too. They can't live without her. He can't live without her.

"Zola is still pretty freaked out," Alex tells him. "She keeps asking if her mommy is dead, and I keep telling her she's not, she's just really sick. I was thinking we could arrange a FaceTime, so at least Zola can see her mom and talk to her. I don't think it's a good idea that we bring the kids to see her until after she's had the transplant."

Derek's chest tightens, though he agrees with Alex. "It's probably for the best. I'd hate for what happened before to happen again. We can't risk it, and it's better if the kids don't see her connected to all the tubes and wires. Meredith didn't want them to see her like that, anyway. I was the one who insisted…"

"I was the one who brought them, so don't blame yourself," Alex interjects.

"I need to go find Bailey and get an update on Mer, and I'll get back in touch with you about when we can set up the FaceTime. Are you coming in today?"

"I'm thinking Zola and Bailey could use some time away from the hospital. I don't have any surgeries scheduled today, so I was thinking we could go to the park or something," Alex says.

"I think that's a great idea," Derek says. "You should have Wilson go with you, maybe."

Alex is silent, then Derek hears him huff. "If she'll talk to me. She's still pissed."

Derek frowns. "She looked pretty beat yesterday, and what Addison did was terrible. I know why you wanted to protect Jo, but I understand why Addison did what she did, and I agree with Meredith. Eli deserved to be treated like any other baby, and if he had one purpose in this world, it should be to teach, but I remember being a resident once too. It's not easy."

"Oh, that's not why Jo is pissed. She's pissed because Meredith told her that she'll never make it as a surgeon if she doesn't toughen up, then I went ahead and said that Meredith was right, and I told her the reason I told Addison not to use Eli on her because I didn't think she could handle it emotionally. And she couldn't handle it, because otherwise she wouldn't be acting like a child right now, but you don't want to hear about my relationship drama. I'm taking the kids to the park. Text me and let me know when we can Skype."

Alex ends the call before Derek can get another word in edgewise.

* * *

When his iPhone reverts to the home screen, Derek sees the time in the corner of the screen. 9:30. He crashed for eleven hours straight. _Eleven hours_! His heart speeds. So much can happen in eleven hours. Dr. Bailey said Meredith needed a transplant as soon as possible. Derek wonders if they've found a donor. The thought of his wife being weaker than he was when he last saw her kills him.

He gets up and goes to the laundry room to find a fresh pair of scrubs to change into since he's been wearing the same sweats for days. Next time he talks to Alex, he'll tell him to bring him fresh clothes to change into, though Derek doesn't mind wearing scrubs. It feels normal. Any reminder of normalcy is welcome right now.

He takes a quick cold shower, since the hot water never seems to work. Cold showers are supposed to be better for your health than warm showers, and they're supposed to give you more energy. Maybe that's why they have the hot water turned off. The showers at the hospital are mostly used by interns, who can definitely use all the energy they can get. Derek hates showering at the hospital, but he knows he needs it and has no choice.

While he feels clean and refreshed after showering and brushing his teeth, he doesn't feel energized; despite the fact he's just slept for eleven hours. His eyes are still heavy, and his head throbs. Worry plagues him, since he hasn't seen Meredith this morning. Truthfully, he's afraid to see his wife. He finds himself wishing for a miracle. That Meredith's condition will miraculously improve without a transplant. Maybe Dr. Bailey was wrong. Maybe Meredith's liver enzymes just need more time.

He wants to believe in miracles, but right now, he's finding it pretty damn hard. He feels so hopeless, and he doesn't know what to do about that.

He should call his mom, tell him that Eli is gone if Amelia hasn't already, and update her on Meredith's condition, but he can't bring himself to do that just yet. Calling his mother will force him to say everything that's happening out loud, which he's not ready to do yet. It will also force him to accept his reality.

Richard Webber stands outside Meredith's room. He's the closest person Meredith has to a father since her real father has never been present in her life, so he's relieved to see Richard has been visiting Meredith. Derek notes the glimmer in Richard's eyes. He hopes Richard has good news.

"Derek!" Richard greets him, smiling.

"How's she doing?" Derek asks.

"She's really weak. She's sleeping now, as she has for the majority of the last twelve hours, but I've found a donor!" Richard grins.

Derek's heart leaps. "Who?!" He watches Richard take out his phone.

* * *

Molly Grey Thompson and her husband moved in with her father two years ago, following the death of her older sister. After Lexie died, Molly desperately worried about her father's health, specifically his drinking. Her father was a known alcoholic and had needed a liver transplant a few years back because of his addiction. The half-sister she barely knew had been the donor.

Meredith Grey, her father's daughter from his first marriage, had been close to Lexie. However, Molly will never forget the conversations she'd had with her big sister when she'd began her residency. She'd described Meredith as "cold" and "bitter." Lexie had once claimed that Meredith was mean to her and hated her, for reasons Lexie couldn't figure out.

Molly had gotten a weird vibe from Meredith when she was her doctor when Laura was born, even though she had not known Meredith was her sister then. There was definitely something strange about her. Later, Lexie moved in with Meredith and recanted her statements about Meredith being cold. According to Lexie, Meredith just took a long time to warm up to people. Whatever that meant.

Meredith had been on the same plane that had taken Lexie's life. Molly couldn't count the amount of time she'd spent thinking that the _wrong_ sister's life had been taken, as awful as she knew it was to think. She'd never said it out loud, though, especially not to her dad. Meredith and the others on the plane had sued the airline and received a huge compensation. Molly remembers when they received the check in the mail. They'd never asked her or Thatcher to testify. Molly had not seen or heard from Meredith Grey since Lexie's funeral. The money was nice, but no dollar amount could bring her sister back. Her father had insisted on dividing the money into trust funds for Molly's daughters, which they is exactly what they had done.

Molly has tried convincing her father to get rid of his landline and to just get a mobile phone, like most people in the twenty-first century. Her father was set in his ways, though, and insisted that he'd had a landline all of his life, and he had no intentions of changing that now. Her heart leaps when she sees _Grey-Sloan Mem. Hosp._ appear on her dad's caller ID. Thatcher took her youngest two daughters to the park this morning. Immediately, worst case scenarios run through Molly's head.

"Hello?" Molly croaks into the receiver.

"Hello, this is Dr. Richard Webber at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital. Is Thatcher Grey there?"

"No, he's not available right now. This is his daughter. Is there a message I can relay?" _Richard Webber._ Why does the name sound so familiar to her?

"Molly! Perfect. I was actually contacting your father in hopes that he would have your contact information," Dr. Webber says. Molly can't think of a reason this Dr. Webber would want to speak to her. "I'm calling about your sister," Dr. Webber continues.

Her stomach muscles tighten. "I don't what this is about, but my only sister died three years ago," she barks.

"I'm calling about Meredith," the doctor says; she senses a warmness in his tone when he speaks Meredith's name.

"What about her?" Molly asks. Lexie may have considered Meredith to be her sister, but Meredith has never once done anything sisterly toward Molly herself. She couldn't even sit next to her at their sister's funeral. She sat in the back of the church and refused to make eye contact with Molly and Thatcher. She didn't utter one single word. Molly understood she was still pretty banged up from the crash herself, and her husband was still in the hospital. But that did not excuse her cold behavior. Lexie may have found a way to like Meredith, but Molly has no reason to.

Thatcher never talks about Meredith. Whenever Molly has asked him about her, he shuts down and changes the subject, so Molly has learned never to bring her name up around her father. Obviously, whatever has happened between them brings him a lot of pain.

"Meredith is very sick right now," the doctor tells her. "I'm not sure how much longer she has, and I wanted to call you to let you know, since you are her family. She needs her family right now. I think it would be in your best interest to come visit her right now."

"My best interest?" Molly chuckles. "Look, Meredith has never wanted anything to do with me. I'm sorry she's sick, but I don't know why you're calling me or my father. She's not my family. She might have been Lexie's family, but Lexie is dead and Meredith has never shown my father or me any compassion whatsoever. If you'll excuse me, I have to go now."

Her father had just entered the house with two of her daughters.

* * *

"That did not go as I planned." Richard frowns.

Derek's chest aches. "There has to be someone else," he says. "Maybe you can call Molly back and explain that Meredith needs a transplant or she'll die?"

"We don't even know for sure that Molly is a match. I just thought it was a worth a shot. You know, blood is thicker than water," Richard says.

Derek's eyes widen. "What about Maggie? She's as much related to Meredith as Molly. They're both half sisters. Maggie should get tested."

Richard's face stiffens. "Absolutely not," he says. "We're already short staffed two surgeons with you and Grey out; we can't afford to lose another of our own."

"That's a shitty reason," Derek barks. "If Maggie can save Meredith's life…"

Richard holds his hand out in front of him. "I won't hear anymore of this." His eyes widen as he looks past Derek. Derek turns around and sees Maggie Pierce standing behind him.

"What are we talking about?" Maggie asks, eyeing Richard and Derek inquisitively.

"Nothing," Richard says gruffly and walks away.

* * *

"Mommy, Mommy!" Molly's middle daughter comes running towards her with arms wide open, clashing against her legs in a hurry.

"Hi, Lilliana," Molly says with a smile, enveloping her in a hug, smelling the grass and the earth on her skin. "Hey, Dad," she adds, as Thatcher pushes the stroller with her baby inside.

"Mommy, I metted a new friend at the park and we played lots and lots," Lilliana grins, her brown eyes twinkling as she pushes a lock of stray hair behind her ear.

"You did?" Molly plays along, part of her eager for her daughter to go play on her own so she can talk to her father about the phone call she just received.

"Yup! She was very very sad 'cause her mommy is at the hospital but not working and her baby brother has gotten away."

"Aw, I'm sorry, baby," Molly sighs, feeling for the little girl.

"I helped her smile!"

"Good job. That was really nice of you, Lil." Molly squeezes her shoulder, pulling her into a quick hug again.

"I know," Lilliana smiles, cheeky as usual. "Where's Laura? I wanna play dolls with her."

"She's with Daddy buying some groceries, she'll be back in a couple of hours. Go play in your room."

"Okay," she sighs, disappearing down the hall.

Molly wanders in the kitchen, where Thatcher is already unpacking the diaper bag, her youngest daughter sitting in the highchair, a wide smile on her chubby face.

"Hello, Lexie," she smiles, covering her daughter in kisses as the baby giggles endlessly. "Did you have fun at the park with Grandpa?"

"Oh, we did," her father answers honestly, a slow smile spreading on his wrinkled face. "Lil met a new friend today, Lexie and I played on the grass, it was a beautiful afternoon."

Molly sighs, before speaking, hating to ruin her father's good mood. "I got a call this afternoon, from Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital."

Her father's face darkens immediately, the smile disappearing from his features. "Richard Webber, right?"

"Yes." Molly frowns. Did the guy have the courage to call her father as well?

"It's about Meredith," he whispers. "She's dying."

"Yeah, that's what Dr. Webber said."

Molly watches as her father drops everything that he's doing and sits down, staring at the wood of the table as Lexie hammers her hand on the highchair tray. She hears something that might sound like "I can't believe I will outlive two of my daughters", but she's not sure, she simply keeps watching her father revolve back into his shell.

The man in front of her now is not the doting grandfather of Laura, Lilliana and Lexie, he's the drunken man that could barely stand up straight while she was in the Middle East with Eric. The man her sister – her real sister – had to drag home from the bar around the corner, whiskey tumbler still in his hand. This is not her father.

"Dad, –" she starts, but he interrupts her before she can say anything else.

"Please, help Meredith if you can."

"What?" Her eyes widen, a sudden surge of anger resurfacing. "Why?"

"Because she deserves it. Richard...he told me she has two young children. Her oldest is just about Lilly's age. Her newborn son just died."

Molly's heart squeezes at the idea of losing a baby, but she still feels angry. "Dad, she dropped off the face of the earth. She didn't even speak to us at Lexie's funeral! And she was there when Mom died. She was her doctor!"

"She was at the funeral at least, Mol. That's more than what some of Lexie's college friends did. And Lexie explained what happened with your mother, don't you remember?"

"She could have done better."

"Molly, you know what it feels like to lose a mother. How can you wish that for a little girl like Lilliana? Even if she didn't do anything for us, what if there's a chance to save Meredith? Can you live with that on your conscience forever?"

Molly pauses, looking at her father straight in the eye. She's not sure if he's right, but he's definitely making her think.

"The little girl Lilliana is so enamored with, the girl from the park, that's Meredith's daughter. She's Lilliana's cousin. I met one of her friends there, he's looking after the children now that Meredith is in the hospital. Meredith helped me when I needed it, but now she needs our help."

"Maybe you should be the one to make the first step, _Dad._ "

"What if you go there and let Meredith meet Lexie? Give her one more reason to fight?"

Molly doesn't reply, but the wheels start turning in her head.

* * *

Derek studiously watches his wife's chest rise and fall. For all intents and purposes, it's a better confirmation that his wife is still alive than the rhythmic beeps filling the room.

He studies her purposely, capturing every last feature. Richard said she'd been asleep for most of the last twelve hours.

She looks anything but peaceful.

He can't let his eyes leave his sleeping wife. Maybe it's because he's afraid she'll stop breathing if he looks away.

Derek is so in tune with her breaths that his heart nearly leaps out of his chest when the loud shriek of his ringtone sounds. He'd forgotten to put his phone back on vibrate after he'd showered. He'd put it on loud while he was in the shower in case someone tried to contact while he was showering. He couldn't risk missing a single call.

Alex's picture has lit up his screen.

"Shepherd," Derek answers automatically, a bit relieved to have fallen back into an old habit. Alex Karev isn't someone who frequently calls him for leisure, so it's only natural for Derek to respond professionally when he answers the call.

"Hey, Derek, the kids and I are just about home. I wanted to know if Mer was awake and if the kids could Skype? Zola's really worried about her, so I told her we could Skype as soon as we're at the house," Alex says.

Derek opens his mouth to tell Alex that Meredith is asleep, but then he sees Meredith's eyes are open, and she's looking right at him.

His ringtone must have woken her.

* * *

Meredith knows she's been asleep for many, many hours. The shades are pulled, but there's a dim light casting behind them. It has to be daylight outside.

Derek stands at the foot of the bed, and Meredith immediately notices his eyes are rimmed with somberness. He has his phone to his ear.

"She just woke up, I think. Let me ask her. I'll text you when I know," she hears him say to the mystery person on the other end of the line. He puts his phone down and walks toward her. "Meredith," he says her name in a gentle voice as a small smile spreads across his face. "How are you feeling?"

She blinks. Memories from the past days flood to her brain, and her heart feels heavy. She feels like she's floating on a cloud. It's then she realizes that she is shivering. She's freezing. "Cold," she mutters.

"I'll send a nurse for more blankets," Derek says, pushing Meredith's call light.

"Who was on the phone?" she asks. _And what do they want Derek to ask?_ she thinks.

"It's Alex," Derek says. There's a hint of hesitance in his voice, as if he's afraid to ask what Alex wants him to ask, which makes Meredith mad. She hates that he'd be afraid to ask her something just because she's half-dead. If anything, he needs to ask everything he can before she croaks.

Meredith is still shivering when the nurse arrives.

"You paged?" the nurse asks.

"We need more blankets," Derek orders; Meredith notices the hastiness in his voice.

"Right on it," the nurse responds and vanishes.

"What does Alex want you to ask?" Meredith asks, suddenly feeling a spiral of strength. The nurse returns before he answers with a pile of blankets. She hands them to Derek, who quickly covers Meredith's bed with them. Meredith gradually begins to feel the warmth, but she's still cold. She wishes Derek could crawl in bed with her. His body heat would definitely help.

"Is there anything else I can get you?"

Meredith sighs. Her mouth feels like a desert inside. She glances at the G-Tube connected to her that is transferring nourishment to her body. She's not hungry at all, even though she hasn't eaten food by mouth in days, but she would love a glass of water right now. "I'm thirsty," she states.

The nurse nods, taking a styrofoam cup from the sink are and begins filling it with water.. "One cup of water coming right up." Derek takes the cup of water from the nurse, and slowly brings it to Meredith's mouth, tilting the liquid to her lips. Meredith grabs the cup from Derek.

"He wants to FaceTime you with the kids," Derek says as Meredith swallows the water. Meredith sets the cup on the table after she's finished the cup. Despite the liquid trickling down her throat, her thirst is still not quenched. "I told him I'd ask you if you felt up to it. If you're not, we can wait until you're better."

 _Until you're better_ , Meredith thinks. What if she doesn't get better, though? It's not like she's not going to get better by herself. She knows that, and surely Derek does too. Then why is he talking like she has a broken arm or something that will mend itself?

"Have they found a donor?" Meredith asks suddenly.

"Richard is working on it," Derek says. _Which means they haven't,_ Meredith concludes. "We're going to find you a donor, Mere."

"I want to talk to the kids now," Meredith declares. Derek's eyes widen. Meredith's eyes dart over to the iPad sitting on the end table. The last time they'd used it was when she had FaceTimed Eli. It feels like an eternity ago, yet it was less than two days ago, and she still has her tiny boy's body on the iPad screen embedded in her brain. "You have to help me look decent again," she orders as she's plagued with memories of her last visit with the kids. At least they don't have to worry about the kids mistakenly dislodging a wire this way. It will be a lot easier to make her look _normal_ through the iPad. They'll only get a shot of her face.

Her heart flutters. She misses Zola and Bailey so, so much. She hates being away from this for this long. It is starting to feel like she's lost all three of her children. She's lucky to have great friends like Alex who are willing to step up and take care of them.

 _This is the reason they can never leave Seattle._ What if they had been in DC when she lost Eli? Then what? Who would have cared for the children? She imagines Derek's mother would have come down to help, but DC is still a distance from New York. It would not have been the same immediate support. In Seattle, she and Derek have a village that will never be replicated anywhere else.

She sees Maggie Pierce hovering near the door. "Hey, Mags," Meredith raises her voice, feeling a surge of energy. Her heart races. She _has_ to make sure she looks good for the kids. "I need your help."

"I'll do anything you need!" Maggie responds in a chipper voice.

"I have a spare makeup bag in my locker. I need you to go get that, and I need you to make me look decent," Meredith demands.

"Uh, I'm not sure I'm the person you want doing your makeup, but I can find someone who's more well-versed in makeup than I am." Maggie smiles kindheartedly and vanishes soon after.

Meredith pulls the wires out of her nose. Derek looks like she's just ripped out her brain and he gasps, "Meredith!"

She takes a sharp, difficult breath of air, gasping herself for a moment. She breathes deeply, adjusting to breathing without oxygen. "I'm fine," she whispers, her voice barely audible. "Fine." She hacks out a cough and wheezes.

"Mere…"

"I can breathe, Derek. It's okay," She takes a deep breath, her breath slowly regulating.

"If you're having your makeup done before we call the kids, it's going to be a while, and you can wear the oxygen a little longer," Derek urges.

"Oh, I'll have you ready in no time!" A high-pitched voice pipes up from the corner. Derek's head turns and Meredith looks over to see none other than April Kepner. She's holding Meredith's makeup bag. "Maggie told me you're FaceTiming the kids and need to look pretty! Well, I have three sisters, and we took turn doing each other's makeup every Sunday before church, so I know a thing or two about makeup," April beams, walking toward Meredith.

"That's … great," Meredith musters, seeing Derek rolling his eyes.

"Um...I'll be right outside," Derek says gruffly, leaving April and Meredith alone.

"He didn't seem too thrilled about my beautifying you." April frowns as she slides a chair close to Meredith's bedside.

"Don't take it too personally. He has four very girly sisters. He probably has PTSD from their makeup sessions or something," Meredith giggles, trying to lighten the mood. She can use all the mood lightening she can get today. She doesn't want to look sad for her children. She needs to stay positive for their sakes.

April chuckles. "Well, it's good to see you still have a sense of humor. How are you feeling, anyway? I wanted to drop by, but I didn't want to be annoying. Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber have basically told the whole staff to let you rest."

"Oh, you know, I'm fine sans for my failing liver." Meredith rolls her eyes as April begins powdering her face.

"Dr. Bailey is asking for volunteers to come forward to see if they're matches...I got tested, but I'm not a match. I told Jackson he needs to get tested, too, but he's home with Samuel. He's had an ear infection the last couple days, and...oh, I'm sorry...I shouldn't have...of course I shouldn't be talking about my son when you just lost ours. How selfish of me...please forgive me. I know if I'd just lost my son, the last thing I'd wanted to hear about is someone else's…"

"April, shush," Meredith groans. "It's fine. How's Samuel doing? He's, what? Four or five months, now? I remember when Bailey was that age. He was so...little." _Four-month-old Bailey had been a giant compared to Elijah_. Meredith's throat tightens, and for the first time she imagines what Eli may have looked like if he had lived to be four months old. But all she can see is a photo of Bailey that's magnetized on their kitchen refrigerator.

"Four months, sixteen days. He's getting big, all right. He just tried sweet potatoes the other day for the first time and splattered them all over my face. Did Bailey hate sweet potatoes too?"

"They were his favorite food," Meredith replies, remembering how many cans of sweet potato baby food they went through when Bailey first started eating solids. "Zola, on the other hand, hated them. Still does."

"Mom said I loved sweet potatoes when I was little, so I assumed my son would too, but I guess I was wrong...Jackson doesn't know if he liked them as a kid and thinks it's a silly question to ask his mom, but I'm just going to assume he didn't. I see _so_ much of Jackson in Samuel. It's insane!"

" _Of course it's your baby, you moron! It hates pizza!"_ Meredith remembers when she'd first told Derek she was pregnant with Eli. At the time, all she could think about was miscarrying. She'd thought it would be the easy way out, so she didn't get attached. Derek lived in DC at the time, and she was flying solo in Seattle. Having another baby just wasn't in the plan.

 _And then it became the plan._

Meredith's eyes fill with water.

"Hey, you can't cry. I'm about to do your eyeliner," April says.

"Sorry," Meredith replies, managing a smile. "I was just thinking...you know, I couldn't eat pizza when I was pregnant with Eli?" She has no idea why she's telling April this. Maybe to justify why she's crying? "Derek hates pizza unless it's veggie."

April's eyes widen. "I always knew there was something off about that guy."

Meredith laughs. All of a sudden, though, she loses her breath and begins choking. "Mask," she mutters, pointing to the mask on the side of the oxygen tank as she gasps for air, trying to regulate her breathing by herself, but it's not working. April reaches over her body, grabbing the mask, and she places it over Meredith's mouth. Meredith feels the cool oxygen brush against her face as she heaves. Her breathing soon returns to normal, but she clings to the mask for a while longer. Meredith hates to admit that Derek was right, that she'd removed the oxygen too soon. She's okay, though. As long as she keeps the mask nearby, she'll be fine.

"Open your eyes as wide as you can," April whispers, and Meredith complies as April does her eyes. Finally, April says, "There. Perfect."

"Well, show me," Meredith insists, removing the mask from her face, gasping briefly as she adjusts to breathing without the oxygen. April grabs Meredith's mirror out of her makeup bag and holds the mirror up to Meredith's face. Meredith realizes it's the first time she's looking at her own reflection since she left the house.

She's as white as a ghost, but April has done a good job at concealing any dark spots and wrinkles around her face. There's still a tan bandage on her head, where she sliced her head open when she slipped in the kitchen at home, but otherwise, she looks almost perfectly normal. A little tired. But normal.

Normal enough for the kids to see a headshot of her.

"Good work, April," Meredith compliments. "You can tell Derek I'm ready now."

April nods. "Will do."

"And, April?" Meredith adds.

"Yes?"

"If you need anything for Samuel, let us know. Derek and I...we...have plenty." Meredith closes her eyes. She'd planned to give it all away before she found out she was pregnant. _Bailey was supposed to be their last._ "We have boxes of baby toys and clothes we were going to give to you anyway."

"That's really sweet of you," April says, widening her eyes. She then hurries out of the room.

Derek joins her a few moments later.

* * *

His heart flutters when he sees Meredith. For a brief moment, he forgets the past few days' events. April Kepner has certainly done a number on his wife, because she looks gorgeous, and he's confident the kids will be much more relaxed talking to their mother when she looks like herself. He was leery about the idea of Meredith getting a makeover before the FaceTime call, but now he knows Meredith was right in requesting one.

"How do I look?" his wife asks, her eyes sparkling as she looks at him.

"Beautiful," he responds without hesitation. He leans over her railing and kisses her forehead. Then he lightly strokes her bandage, the lone reminder that anything is out of the ordinary.

"Good enough for the kids to see me?" Meredith asks, a hint of hesitance present in her eyes. He knows she remembers what happened the last time the kids saw her, and the last thing he wants is a replay of what happened last time. He's pretty sure the kids will be scarred for life if something happens while they're on FaceTime. At least there's a little bit more of a control circle if something happens. He can quickly divert the camera from Meredith at any moment. Anything that happens won't be as dramatic as it would be if the kids were actually physically present, but he's still nervous, and he can see from her eyes that she is too.

"You're ready to see the kids," Derek says. "I'll text Alex and tell him to call us." He does just that, and he reaches for the iPad so he can answer the call when it comes in.

Meredith nods. "Now, I only want them to see my face, so you need to position the iPad closer to me than the table," Meredith says, and Derek can tell it's an order, not a suggestion or recommendation.

"Of course," Derek obliges, setting the iPad on her chest. She holds the bottom of the iPad as he shifts his body around, to make sure Meredith's full face is in the picture. He watches as she tilts her head just enough so her bandage isn't visible on the screen. She's definitely thought this through.

The incoming call comes in only moments later, and Meredith slides her finger on the screen to answer it. Alex's face lights up the screen.

"Mer!" Alex grins. "You look really good."

"Thanks," Meredith says, sounding strong. Derek notes the spark in her eyes, a spark he hasn't seen in days. She _does_ look good. He's glad that arranging this call has brightened her spirits. Derek knows the more Meredith has to fight for, the better she'll prevail. Meredith is a fighter; she just needs a reason to fight. Bailey and Zola are that reason. Derek knows that he and Meredith don't have time to fall apart in the midst of their grief for Elijah and the added devastation of Meredith's failing liver. They need to stay strong for their children's sakes. They have two beautiful, healthy children, and that is what matters most.

"Who did your makeup? Derek?" Alex chuckles. Derek's cheeks warms. He could have if he'd wanted to; he has had his share of experience, having helped his sisters with their makeup plenty of times.

Meredith smiles. "No. April."

"Ah," Alex nods.

"Where are the kids?" Meredith asks, a sense of urgency and eagerness present in her voice.

"They're right here. Kids, come say hi to Mommy. You've been asking me to talk to her all day," they hear Alex say off camera, and for a split second strands of Bailey's blond hair fills the screen. There's silence then, and they hear a muffled Alex say, "What's wrong? Zola, come tell Mommy about your new friend."

"No, no, no!" Zola's distant cries fill the room.

"NO!" Bailey parrots. Footstep thuds grow farther and farther away.

"What's wrong?" Derek asks, seeing tears fill Meredith's eyes.

"I don't know; they both just ran off. I think they're scared to look at you, Mer."

"But..but I look fine," Meredith insists, looking sad and confused. "Why are they scared?" Her voice weakens.

"The last time they saw you, you were connected to all those wires, and you were bleeding," Alex says. "I wouldn't take it personally, Mer. But there's something else I should mention…"

* * *

Meredith stares at her iPad screen, pleading with Alex to bring her babies back, but her friend is still mute on the other end of the video conversation.

Her children are scared of her. Derek is not coping with the fact that she's dying. She's tired of being in pain. She's tired of the ache in her chest and the tightening of her heart whenever her mind drifts to Eli. She's so tired.

There's a firm knock on her door that makes her frown. She shares a look with Derek, who looks equally puzzled.

"Come in," she says tentatively, then she hears a shriek coming from the iPad. She recognizes Bailey's shouting later as well.

"I have to go deal with this, Mer. We'll try again later, okay?" Alex says, hurriedly cutting off their feed as a woman enters her room.

It takes Meredith a moment to recognize her as Molly, her other half-sister.

Molly was a lot younger last time they really saw each other. She was a new mom then, and she apparently worked on a baby sister for Laura, because she walks inside holding a baby in a pastel pink dress against her hip.

"Meredith, right?" Molly asks, looking anything but pleased to be here.

Derek stands up, his hand outstretched. "I'm Derek, her husband. And you are…"

"Molly Thompson, Lexie's sister." Meredith's blood starts boiling at the smugness in her tone as they shake hands. "And this is Lexie, my daughter."

"What are you doing here?" she asks coolly, ignoring the pointed look Derek gives her. He can't tell her to play nice like he does with Zola or Bailey; she's not a child. Also, she has to ask something, otherwise she'll have to say something nice about her daughter's name, and she really doesn't want to.

Before Molly can reply, Derek's phone buzzes, and he reaches for the device at his hip.

"It's Maggie," he explains. "She wants to talk to me, urgently. I'll be right back."

Derek leans in to kiss her quickly, before he walks out of the room. The room falls into a thick silence. She starts a staring contest with Molly, ignoring the sleeping baby against her shoulder, and the fact that Molly looks like she's out for blood.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith repeats, her tone even harsher now that Derek is not there.

"Oh that's funny. You called me in."

"Really?" she growls. "I didn't do such thing."

"Right, you had a friend for yours call on your behalf. Who gave you the right to call my father and beg him to save your life when you gave us nothing but grief?"

Meredith's eyes widen. What the hell?! Oh, gone is her apathy, now she's mad as a bull in a corrida.

"I didn't ask anyone to call you, let alone call Thatcher. I don't want anything from you!"

"Good. I came here for answers, not because Dr. Webber begged."

Meredith groans. Of course Richard meddled. Sometimes she has no idea how he can be such a famous surgeon when he's pretty much clueless about life. Then again, so is Derek, so maybe it's a prerogative of all men.

"What do you want to know before I croak? Because I have a few things to take off my chest myself."

"I want to know about Lexie. When she died. I want to know about her last days. You're dying, and you were there. I want to know."

A lump grows in Meredith's throat at the memories of Lexie's body pinned under the plane wreckage.

"She was really loved," she says, remembering the way Mark talked to her, their whispered promises of a forever that was slipping right under their noses. "Did you know about Mark?"

Molly looks pensive for a moment. "Mark Sloan?"

"Yes. He loved her. He really loved her."

Molly hums something, but she's still frowning. Maybe she wants to know more, Meredith is not sure.

"I loved her like a sister. Even if we disagreed and it took me a while to accept her, I still love her like a sister."

Molly snorts. "You have no idea what it means to be sisters."

Meredith lets it go. It's not like Molly will have to hold a grudge for long, Meredith knows she'll probably be dead soon anyway. People suddenly like you when you're dead.

"What did we do to you? At the funeral, why didn't you talk to us?"

"I barely knew my name that day. Derek was in surgery during the funeral. He could have lost the use of his hand."

"And I lost my sister!" Molly spats, raising her voice, startling the baby in her arms.

The little girl grunts, her eyes fluttering open. She's the carbon copy of Molly, and part of Meredith can see even some Lexie in her. Yet, Meredith doesn't have any room for more grief, for more memories. Her heart can only ache for Eli. Losing Lexie and Mark, her mother, George...nothing can compare to the feeling of losing Eli, and she's pretty sure nothing ever will.

"Molly, I'm dying. I lost a son and now I'm dying too. I don't have time for this. You'll make peace with what I did to you, just like I did with Lexie. It will get better."

"I doubt it," Molly snorts.

"Also, I know you're not here for my liver. You couldn't donate to Thatcher, of course you can't donate to me."

"I still came for answers. I'm done now."

Meredith is too tired to fight her. She doesn't even argue when Molly leaves the room, not even saying goodbye.

* * *

Maggie stares at her pager for a moment, wondering if she did the right thing.

She knows what an urgent page means, and she doesn't want to give Derek false hope with it. At this point, she's aware that her brother-in-law is hanging on by a thread, and she's afraid to disrupt his fragile equilibrium.

As expected, Derek reaches the exam room in a light jog, hope etched onto his every feature.

"Did you find a match?" he asks right away, lingering near the door.

"No, not yet. But I want to test myself."

Derek sighs. "Maggie…"

"She's my sister."

"I know," he murmurs. "She's your very complicated sister."

"I was going to test myself either way. I'd do it it for a perfect stranger Derek, why not for her?"

"I don't know," he hums, shaking his head slowly, looking down at the floor, all the hope draining away from his features. "I don't know anything anymore."

"She will be fine, okay? She's a fighter. She'll get through this too."

Yet, as she says it, she can see how little hope Derek has left. It's understandable, but she knows now that she has to step up and hold them together. She prays she's a match, because they deserve this. And Zola and Bailey deserve two loving parents.

"Do you need help drawing blood?" Derek asks, his eyes meeting hers after a long silence. He still looks dejected, but at least part of him is on board with her idea.

"I'd like that. Thank you, Derek."

"No, thank _you,_ Maggie."

Derek works quietly but with precision, and she lets him be. As she watches her blood fill the tube, she tries to think positive again, to keep a happy attitude in the midst of all the grief, with the hope that being positive can be enough. She's not going to ask for miracles just yet, but she knows they're getting close, and she's not ready to lose her biological sister just yet.

She has no idea really when she started considering Meredith as her sister, but now that she knows what it's like, she doesn't want to give up on her. And part of her will feel like she failed Meredith if she's not a match. It's a stupid thought, she knows how transplants work, but she can't stop thinking about it.

Maggie tapes a cotton ball in the crook of her left elbow, taking a deep breath as Derek disposes of the used supplies.

"Thank you," Derek says again, clutching the vial of blood as tight as he can, as if he were holding onto hope itself. "I'm going to take this to the lab myself," he adds, before he quietly exits the exam room.

Maggie is quick to exit after him. She knows it won't be long before she gets the results, and she wants to spend this time with Meredith, give Derek a little break. She walks up a flight of stairs to reach Meredith's room, almost colliding with a woman right outside of her door.

She has never seen the woman before and her eyes widen even more when she spots the baby at her hip, and the anger on her features.

As soon as she enters the room, she sees Meredith curled up on her side the best she can, her stare lost outside the window. She looks catatonic. Maggie calls Meredith's name three times before she receives an answer.

"Hey, hi," Meredith murmurs, looking even more tired now that she's talking. Of course the fact that she's turning yellow because of her failing liver doesn't help at all.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine. The same."

Maggie has no idea what to say to her sister when Meredith clearly doesn't want to be near people, so she picks up her chart and reads on for a moment, giving Meredith room to kick her out. Yet, Meredith doesn't say anything.

"I tested myself. We're the same blood type already, so I want to check if I'm a match," she blurts, hoping that by being blunt she might jolt something inside Meredith.

Meredith sighs loudly, turning her gaze towards her, shaking her head. "It's okay if you're not."

"I hope I am." She gives Meredith a tentative smile that is quick to fade.

Silence settles in the room again, before a knock on the door forces their gazes to turn.

Right at the threshold, Richard is standing there with a deep frown on his brow, his eyes darker than usual.

"Dr. Pierce, a word?" he says, the usual warmth of his voice gone for good. This is a Richard she has hardly ever met, and she's not sure what to think.

"I'll be back soon, Mer, okay?"

Meredith nods, burrowing under the covers, turning back to stare at the sky.

"What is it?" Maggie asks, letting the door click behind her back.

"How is she doing?" Richard's eyes soften for a moment at the thought of Meredith, and the knot in her throat loosens a bit.

"You saw her, we need to find her a liver."

"Is that why you got tested?" he growls, his voice back to the same grating, accusatory tone of before. "I ran into Derek down in the lab."

"She's my sister. We're the same blood type."

"And you're the Head of Cardiothoracic surgery."

Her blood boils at that. "Oh, don't bring work into this. This has nothing to do with work."

"The hospital will be down two good surgeons. Three if we consider that Derek will take time off to be with Meredith."

"And I took an oath that says do no harm!"

Richard's strong stance deflates as he looks down at the floor. "It's still surgery, Maggie. There are risks, for both of you."

And all of a sudden, the motives why he's so against it are crystal clear. "Richard, she has two young children to raise, a husband that loves her...I want to help."

"I know."

"Then why?"

"Because maybe other people can be a match. Her father, Thatcher, has another daughter, I called her in. She might be a match."

"What if she's not? I might be a match, Richard. And I'd be beyond happy if I'm a match."

"I don't want anyone else touching you but Bailey, if we come down to that," he says seriously, his hand going to her shoulder.

For a moment, Maggie is sure he'll pull her in a hug, but he just gives her a tight squeeze, before his hand falls limply down his side.

"She's my sister, Richard."

"I know," he murmurs, nodding solemnly.

Maggie has no idea how long they stand together in that hallway, but she knows that the rest can wait.

* * *

Derek approaches Meredith's room after dropping Maggie's sample off at the lab. _Please let Maggie be a match,_ he prays to God for the first time in a long time. He considers stopping by the hospital chapel to pay a long-awaited visit to the old guy, but for now, he needs to check on Meredith. He hopes seeing her _other_ half-sister didn't shake her up too much.

He knows how touchy Meredith can be when it comes to her family. She hasn't had the chance to warm up to Molly like she did Lexie and Maggie. Molly hasn't exactly reached out before, either, and Meredith isn't the type to go out of her way to be friendly to people, even if they are her family.

Derek spots Maggie and Richard standing outside Meredith's room. He suspects Richard has found out that Maggie wants to donate to Meredith and isn't thrilled about the idea. He'd been pretty stiff earlier when Derek merely mentioned the topic. Maggie was, after all, his only biological child, so Derek understands why Richard might be a little shaken by the idea. The idea of both of his daughters' lives being put at risk must be terrifying for him. Derek can't imagine losing Zola and Bailey too. He knows he should focus on being grateful for his two healthy children.

"Did Molly leave?" Derek asks, glancing in Meredith's room, seeing that she appears to be alone. She looks even more exhausted than before.

"Molly isn't a redhead, by chance, is she?" Maggie asks.

"And she had a baby with her," Derek adds.

Maggie's eyes widen. "Ah. Yeah, she left Meredith's room a few minutes ago. She looked upset. So _she's_ Meredith's other half-sister?"

"That would be Molly, yes," Derek replies.

"I should go find her," Richard offers. "You know, just in case Maggie isn't a match. He scurries down the hall before anyone can stop him.

"She's not a match!" Meredith's hoarse, muffled voice startles both Derek and Maggie.

"What?" Derek and Maggie enter Meredith's room together.

"She's not. She has DVT. That's why she couldn't donate to Thatcher," Meredith reveals.

"I thought she couldn't because she was out of the country," Derek confides.

"Nope," Meredith responded curtly. "Richard's an idiot for calling her. Had he just checked her medical background, he would have _known_ she wasn't a match."

Derek shares a look with Maggie.

"Mer, _this_ is why you need to live. You're smarter than Richard," Maggie snorts.

Derek's eyes widen. The thought of Meredith _not_ living isn't even an option at this point. They're going to find her a match. He has a good feeling. Maggie has to be one. He leans over and kisses Meredith's forehead, trying to make eye contact with her, but her eyes quickly dart to the wall.

"I have to second Maggie," he whispers in her ear.

"Whatever," she huffs. "I just want to sleep right now, okay? I'm tired."

Maggie eyes flash in Derek's direction. "Okay, that's fine. You should rest. Hey, Derek, have you eaten anything today?"

He shakes his head. He hasn't. At least he doesn't remember eating anything. The days have all started blurring together.

"Maybe we could go grab a bite to eat? Maybe out of the hospital for some fresh air?"

He becomes consciously aware of the growl in his stomach for the first time in who knows how long. He can't remember the last time he actually ate food, but he knows he needs nourishment to survive this tough time as coherently as possible, so he agrees to take Maggie up on her offer. Some fresh air might do him good.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: It's been a rough year, hasn't it? I think I've been through every emotion in the book this last year. Anyway, you might have noticed we decided to have Samuel survive in our AU. Two dead babies was just too much. Samuel being alive also opens more plot options for us.**


	24. Chapter 23

**Nicole's A/N: Sorry for the delay! Life's been crazy for the both of us. Things are still intense for Meredith and Derek as we continue. We hope you can bear with us! Thank you guys for sticking around this long. :) It brightens our days when we get messages asking us to update this story. If you haven't ever reviewed or haven't had a chance to review in a while, we'd love to hear from you. Your feedback is our #1 motivator.**

* * *

 **Chapter 23**

* * *

 _She has a serene bird's eye view of the scene. The picture is crystal clear. There's a picnic blanket laid out in the backyard beside the pool. Zola, looking older and more mature, sits beside her brother on the blanket. Both children are wearing their bathing suits. Bailey also looks older._

 _The kids chat and giggle. Derek flips burgers at the grill on the other side of the pool, while Maggie walks out of the house, carrying a baby with a full head of curly brown hair and the brightest blue eyes. Two other children, both with adorable, vibrant smiles, tag not far behind her._

They all look so happy.

Meredith opens her eyes. She knows then that the end is near, and it's for the best. With her gone, Derek will be able to have the family he's always dreamt of having. The one she couldn't give him.

The end is near.

* * *

He hates leaving Meredith like this, but the distance will probably do them both good. Meredith can rest peacefully. He knows she's exhausted, and it kills him to see her so weak. Derek told the lab to put a rush on Maggie's tests, so hopefully they will find out she's a match soon and will be able to begin prepping them both for surgery.

Derek shoots a look over at his half-sister-in-law, who has insisted on driving them wherever they're going. She still won't tell him.

"You can't just not tell me where we're going, you know. I'm under enough stress as it is. The anxiety could trigger a heart attack," Derek groans.

"Well, good thing I'm a cardiothoracic surgeon, then, huh?" Maggie quips, flashing him a smile.

"That's not funny," he argues.

"I wasn't trying to be funny," Maggie insists. "Now, do you really want to know where we're going?"

"If I didn't, I wouldn't be asking," he replies tartly.

"You've really lost your sense of humor with all the bad stuff piling up," Maggie sighs.

Derek bites his tongue, because he could easily snap at Maggie. He wants to yell that she wouldn't have much of a sense of humor if she were in his shoes, either. However, he knows snapping at Maggie, or anyone else for that matter, won't do him any good. It won't bring Eli back, and it won't save Meredith. Maggie is possibly his last hope at finding Meredith a liver before it's too late. He can't be too mad at her.

He immediately recognizes the building when Maggie pulls into the parking lot. It's where they had Zola's third birthday party, and he's dropped her off at the same location for several of her friends' birthdays. The big mouse on the sign can't be missed.

They're at Chuck E. Cheese.

"What? You think winning tickets by playing kids games is going to make me suddenly feel better?" Derek rolls his eyes.

Maggie shrugs. "Maybe we'll win some cotton candy. Cotton candy heals the soul."

"Hey, if you call cavities soul-healing, then that's your prerogative, but I'm going to have to disagree," Derek replies.

"You really are the Grinch today," he hears Maggie mutter, but he refrains to comment. Maybe he is being a little harsh with her, but who can blame him? He has every right to be a Grinch today.

He has flashes of Zola's birthday and of her, Sofia, and the rest of their daycare friends dancing with the man in the Chuck E. Cheese costume. Meredith had also danced with the kids.

Their faces lit up on the flat screen with Chuck E. Derek will always remember how everyone looked so happy that day, particularly Meredith and Zola. Bailey was only six months old then and had slept through most of the party in his daddy's arms. How he had managed to sleep through the screaming, giggling girls, Derek will never know.

His stomach squeezes as he thinks of Bailey's third birthday party next spring. He could have been holding Elijah while Bailey and his friends ran around and played. Now his arms will be empty.

Meredith might not even be there.

He grunts, quickly pushing that thought out of his head. She'll be there. She has to be.

Maggie manages to drag him inside the building, where he's met by an even bigger surprise.

"Daddy!" He sees his daughter running toward him, and she wraps her arms around his legs. Behind her, Alex comes forward, holding Bailey.

Derek's eyes widen as he lifts his daughter, who suddenly feels much heavier than he remembers her being, and he holds her tight. "What are you doing here?" Derek asks, meeting the twinkle in Alex's eyes.

Alex meets eyes with Maggie. "Maggie suggested I meet you here with the kids. Thought it might be good for you all."

"Daddy," Zola whispers, gazing into his eyes with tears in hers. "Is Mommy dead?" Her little voice stings his ears. His four-year-old daughter should not be worrying about if her mother is still alive.

"No, sweetie. Mommy isn't dead," Derek croaks.

"Then why do you look so sad? I wanteded to talk to Mommy, but I gots scared," Zola sighs.

"Because of her owies?" Derek asks, avoiding his daughter's first question. Zola nods.

"I thought maybe we could have the kids call and talk to Mer later, so they don't have to worry about seeing the tubes and wires," Alex suggests. "They really freaked them both out, I think."

"That's a good idea," Derek agrees. "When I get back to the hospital, I can bring that up to Mer. I'm sure she'll love the idea. She was really upset that the kids were scared to see her."

Alex nods sadly.

"Well, how about we get some pizza?" Maggie pipes up, clearly trying to liven up the mood. "Chuck E. Cheese pizza is my absolute favorite!"

"Pizza makes my tummy hurt. I want salad," Zola announces, and Derek gives his daughter a strange look. Bailey has always been the veggie fan like him, while Zola has been more difficult to please. And he knows pizza is probably her favorite food in the world.. Something isn't right here, and he has to wonder if it has something to do with the fact that pizza made Meredith sick her whole pregnancy with Eli.

"Salad!" Bailey claps eagerly. "Yummy salad."

"Your kids are weird." Alex frowns at the same as a loud ding interrupts the conversation. Derek watches Alex take his phone out of his pocket. "Crap. I'm being paged 911. I have to go."

"We'll get the kids back to daycare," Maggie insists. "You go."

Maggie eyes Derek, who nods in agreement. All Derek can hope is that the page has nothing to do with Meredith.

* * *

The end nears closer with every passing moment. Meredith feels it in her bones as her eyes creep open once more. She breathes in the moment, knowing there won't be many moments like this remaining. There won't be any moments at all left when she's finally dead.

She senses someone's presence, but it's not Derek's. When she turns her head, it's Callie Torres she sees by her bedside.

Meredith breathes in harshly through the oxygen tubes connected to her nose. "Hey, you're awake," she hears Callie says.

"I'm still alive, then, I guess," Meredith replies.

"You are," Callie confirms.

"I won't be in pain for much longer," Meredith adds.

"We're working really hard to find you a liver," Callie says, giving Meredith a gentle smile.

"Callie, we have to face the facts, sooner or later. It's okay," Meredith says, mustering the strength to lift her hand and reach for Callie's. Callie grabs her hand. "You should foster Zola and Sofia's friendship. They're great together, and I hope you'll make sure they keep their friendship as they grow older. That they're each other's persons. Mark would have wanted that, and I know Derek does too."

"Meredith - "

"Callie, promise me that you'll make sure Zola and Sofia stay friends. Please. Zola is going to need a best friend," Meredith pleads. "I know you'll be there for Derek when he needs someone to take the kids. You always are, and I don't think I've ever thanked you for all the help you've provided us."

"Meredith, you and Derek have done the same for Sofia. It's no big deal," Callie says. "But, Meredith, you're not giving up yet. They're going to find you a liver. Please, stop this right now." Her tone is firm and determined.

Meredith sighs and blinks a tear away.

Then Callie's pager shrieks.

"Crap. It's a patient. I have to go," Callie says, then stares sternly at Meredith. "You _will_ be here when I get back."

Meredith doesn't reply before Callie leaves, but deep down she knows she can't promise Callie that.

* * *

Meredith drifts in and out of sleep for the minutes that follow; she's gave up watching the clock, because it doesn't matter. Death is inevitable. Time no longer holds meaning to her. All she knows is her hourglass is almost up. She can just keep breathing until her body decides no more.

Dr. Bailey appears to be checking her vitals the next time Meredith becomes fully conscious of her surroundings.

"Keep an eye on Richard," Meredith mumbles.

"Huh?"

"Make sure he knows he did everything, and it's okay if Maggie isn't a match. Don't let Richard blame himself," Meredith tells her mentor. "And tell Richard that he would have been a great father. He _is_ a good father. Maggie is lucky to have found him. Tell Richard not to let her go, not to give up on forming a relationship with her. It's never too late. Well, until it is. And it's not too late for them."

She watches Miranda Bailey slam her tablet on the table. "Damnit, Meredith Grey. You are not giving up on me," Dr. Bailey growls.

"Dr. Bailey, I'm just being realistic. You know as well as I do…"

"The Meredith Grey I know isn't a quitter. She's a fighter. She's survived a bomb, a drowning, a gunman, a plane crash, and more. She doesn't get to die now. You're not quitting on me, Grey, so don't even think about it," Dr. Bailey snaps, and she picks up her tablet and stomps out of the room.

* * *

The next time she opens her eyes, it's Alex Karev standing next to her death bed.

"I thought you were with my kids," Meredith says. "What are you doing here?"

Alex sighs. "Don't worry, they're with Maggie and Derek having a blast at Chuck E. Cheese."

Meredith smiles. "Good. I'm glad. They deserve to have fun, and I'm glad Maggie got Derek out of this musty hospital. He needed some fresh air."

Alex chuckles, but his smile quickly falls.

"You still didn't answer my question," Meredith declares.

Alex's eyes twinkle as he reaches out and grabs her hand. "So what's this I hear you're saying goodbye to people?"

Meredith's heart squeezes. "Who told you? Callie or Bailey?"

"Doesn't matter. You're not giving up on us, Mer," Alex says, squeezing her hand. "Do you really want to do that to Derek? To your kids? I just spent a whole day with your kids, and all Zola kept asking was if you were dead. I kept telling her of course not. I promised them that you wouldn't die. Do you want to make me a liar?"

Her throat tightens. "Alex, I…"

"You're not giving up," Alex repeats.

"Alex, it...it hurts so much," she whispers. "Everything hurts. They're better off without me. They're better off without me, Alex."

"Why would you even say that?" Alex asks. "Look, I just saw Derek, and he's a mess. He won't survive if you don't make it."

"Yes, he will. He has Maggie, and you, Callie, Amelia, Richard, and even Dr. Bailey. He has a village. He'll survive. He might not realize that right now, but he'll be fine. He doesn't need me. After all, I just complicate his life. If it weren't for me, he'd still be in DC mapping brains and changing the future of medicine," Meredith croaks. "You'll all be just fine."

The last time Meredith remembers Alex crying was when Izzie had cancer. A tear streams down her friend's cheek. "Meredith," he murmurs. "Maggie might be a match."

"I don't care," Meredith says. "Maggie is great and all, and I'm glad we're sisters. But I don't _want_ her liver. I don't want to take anything else from anyone else. And it isn't fair to put her through a surgery. I don't want her liver, Alex."

"Meredith, you should call Cristina," Alex says.

There's a long pause. Cristina. Her best friend. Maybe she should. But she doesn't want to, because Cristina would tell her that she should accept Maggie's liver. And she doesn't want to hear that.

"No," Meredith says firmly. "I'm not calling Cristina."

"Why not?" Alex practically yells at her. "She's your best friend, Meredith."

"Was," Meredith corrects, crossing her arms. "She was my best friend. She's gone now. What's a _best_ friend anyway? There's no such thing as best friends. There are just friends. No one's really a better friend than another. And it's the people who are around you at the end that matter, not the ones who aren't."

"Does Cristina even know about Eli? That you're in the hospital?"

Meredith flinches at the mention of Eli. She remains mute.

"She doesn't, does she? Did she even know you were _pregnant_?" Alex asks.

Again, Meredith remains quiet.

"You're kidding me," Alex spills.

Meredith rolls her eyes. "We don't talk much anymore, and that's okay. Cristina and me are in the past. That part of my life is over. And soon my whole life will be over, and nothing else matters."

"Meredith…" Tears roll down Alex's cheeks.

"No, Alex. Stop it. You don't get to cry. You're strong," Meredith interjects.

"Because you've made me strong. You've taught me how to be the good man in a storm. Before you, I was nothing but an asshole. Now I care about people and crap. Meredith, don't you realize? You've made a difference in so many of our lives. You're the glue that holds us together. Without you…"

"You'll figure it out," Meredith interrupts. "You always do. That's what life is. It's about figuring it out. We're not born with the answers. People come into and out of our lives all the time, and, in the end, we all die. That's part of life. My life may be coming to an end, but that doesn't mean yours has to. You have to push forward, Alex, and you can get everyone else to move forward with you. You can do it. I know you can." She takes a deep breath. "But, Alex?"

"What?"

"For the love of God, figure out what the Hell you and Jo are doing. If she's the one, great, then marry her, but if she doesn't want the same things you want or she doesn't feel the same way about you, then you know what you have to do. Life's too short to have unanswered questions. It's also too short to be afraid. I wish I had figured that out sooner."

She thinks of all the time wasted trying to figure out if she loved Derek or not, when, in fact, she knew the answer all along; she just too afraid to admit it to herself, and for what reason? It all seems so silly now that she's knocking at Death's door.

"You need to talk to your kids," is all Alex says. "I told Zola that she could call Mommy later. You can't go anywhere without talking to them." She notices his avoidance of the word _goodbye_.

It occurs to her then that she doesn't even know what to say to her kids. She doesn't know _how_ to say goodbye to them. A simple phone call doesn't seem like justice enough, and the kids won't even remember it, most likely. They won't remember her.

"Are April and Jackson still doing that video blog or whatever series with Sam?" Meredith asks. She has an idea.

"I watch it every Wednesday. Why?" Alex asks.

"They bought that fancy camera, right?"

"Yeah," Alex says. "I'm still teasing them about it. I mean, iPhone cameras take HD video now. No need to pay $5000 for a fancy camera, but if you're an Avery I guess money isn't a factor in the decision."

* * *

Jackson and April bring the camera to Meredith's room. Arizona accompanies them to help out. April and Arizona work on making Meredith presentable for the camera while Jackson sets up the scene. Jackson and Alex help Meredith into a chair against the wall. Meredith doesn't want her children's last memory of her to be of her in a hospital tube connected to all a million wires.

"You need to make more babies," Meredith tells Jackson and April. "You two make pretty babies, so I say you two should make lots and lots more babies. Maybe, you know, after we're finished filming this, you two could go make another baby."

"I'm not sure that would be appropriate, given the circumstances," Jackson says. April's cheeks flush.

"Why not? Just because I can't have anymore babies doesn't mean you can't. In fact, I think that's a pretty good reminder of _why_ you should be making babies while you can. Don't wait until you're older and there's a higher risk of complications. Do it now while you're young and beautiful and capable of carrying healthy children," Meredith urges. Then she looks at Arizona, "The same goes for you."

"Uh-hem. Who am _I_ going to have a baby with?" Arizona widens her eyes.

"Well, if you and Callie would ever get your shit together," Meredith shrugs. "Come on, life is way too short to play games. You're young and you're healthy, and you want to avoid being with the person you love most in the world? Stupid. Just stupid."

"It is pretty stupid," Jackson agrees, patting April's shoulder. "Okay, I think we're all set up here."

Meredith stares into the camera that's on her, searching for the words to say to her babies.

"Hi, Zola and Bailey. It's your mom. I'm not sure when you're watching this. Maybe I've just died; maybe it's been twenty years. No matter when it is, I just...I want you to know that I love you both so much. I spent a lot of time questioning my purpose on this Earth, and it took me a long time to figure it out. I know now. My purpose was to have you two. To be your mommy. And I'm sorry I couldn't have been physically here with you longer, but know that I'll always be with you. Right here." She lifts her fist to her chest. "In your hearts. Now, you have an amazing daddy, who I also love with all my heart, and I know he's going to make sure you grow into wonderful grown ups. Never forget that I love you."

She stops and blinks. "I'm done now," she finishes. She feels wiped. Like she's used up all the remaining energy in her body. "Can you help me back into bed?"

Alex and Jackson help her into bed with the camera still on its tripod.

"What's going on here?" Derek enters the room looking furious. He glares at the camera and then at Jackson and April. "Do you think this is some kind of joke? That it's okay for you to film my wife for your internet show?"

Jackson crosses his arm. "Derek, - "

"No! I want you to get that camera out of here!"

"Okay," April says quietly. "We'll get the camera out of here, won't we, Jackson?"

Jackson stares at Meredith. "Aren't you going to tell him?" he whispers.

Meredith shrugs. She's too tired. Her eyes drift shut and the scene quickly fades to black.

* * *

Her eyes are heavy as she wakes to find Derek MIA once again. She doesn't know where he is, nor does she care at this point. She's kind of glad he's not there. He needs fresh air out of this hospital room, and he can't afford to sit next to her death bed and mope.

Saying goodbye to Derek is going to be the hardest thing she'll have to do, and she has no idea how to even begin. It's not supposed to be this way. _He's supposed to die in her arms when he's 110_. How can he die in her arms if she's already dead?

This is definitely the worst breakup, ever, and she can't even begin to form the words to say goodbye to the love of her life.

Then she has an idea just as a nurse conveniently enters her room. "It's good to see you awake, Dr. Grey," the nurse says, smiling friendly at Meredith. "I'm just here to check your vitals."

"Have at it," Meredith murmurs as the nurse holds a thermometer up to her forehead. The nurse's smile quickly falls, and Meredith wonders if the nurse knows she's going to be a goner soon.

 _How soon?_ Meredith wonders. She just hopes she won't have to be in pain for much longer. The sooner she goes, the better. It'll be better for everyone if she dies soon, because then Derek will be able to start moving on, and the kids won't have to ask where she is.

She doesn't want to waste more hospital resources on her to keep her alive. Meredith feels sick knowing that she is taking a bed that could be used for someone who really needs it, and there's all the equipment keeping her alive. She doesn't want extraordinary measures. She just wants it to be over.

"Can I see my chart?" she asks.

The nurse frowns. "Dr. Grey …"

Meredith rolls her eyes. "Don't _Dr. Grey_ me. Just show me my damn chart. I know I'm dying, and I want to see how long I have. Damnit, how hard is it to show me the chart? Do you think showing me my chart is going to kill me faster? Let me tell you, it's not." Meredith seethes, witnessing the fear she's apparently instilled on the nurse's young, pretty face. Perhaps there is a little more hostility in her voice than she intended there to be. She's dying. She's allowed to be hostile. "Never mind," Meredith snaps. "Just get me a pen and some paper."

The nurse looks like she's about to wet her pants. "One moment," she replies, obliging by Meredith's last order, leaving, only moments later to return with a pen and a notebook. She hands both to Meredith. She proceeds with finishing up Meredith's vitals, and then leaves without showing Meredith her chart. At this point, Meredith doesn't care. She has more important things to tend to.

She takes the pen and bleeds the ink of her farewell onto the paper.

 _Dear Derek,_ she writes.

 _You have no idea how happy I am to have spent the last years of my life with you. Thank you for not giving up on me. You were right way back when. I can't imagine what my life would have become if I had never had a chance to date you._

 _You taught me what love is, and no words can describe how grateful I am for that. You convinced me that I could do things I never imagined, like motherhood for instance. You made me believe in myself. Derek Christopher Shepherd, you changed my life._

 _I don't know if I believe that everything happens for a reason, but if I did, I would believe that we were meant to be together. I never imagined it would end like this, but I suppose a few good years are better than none at all._

 _This really is the worst breakup ever_. Tears form in her eyes and she takes a deep breath. Her hand has begun to cramp, and she's feeling weaker with each word she writes. She knows she hads o finish the letter, though. She blinks the tear away and continues.

 _I don't want you to feel sad. You have to stay strong for Zola and Bailey. Please don't let them see you sad. They need you now more than ever, and you're the only one who can be there for them now._

 _It's okay to let them to know that you miss me, and that you loved me. Tell them about me; I know you will, but I don't want you to sit around and mope._

 _They deserve a good mother. Someone who can care for them. Someone who can teach Zola all about being a woman, and someone who can teach Bailey how to respect women. And you deserve to have more children. You're an amazing husband, but an even better father. You deserve to have as many children as you desire. But don't forget Eli …_

She pauses for a moment and scratches out the last sentence.

 _Maggie is a good person. She's the right person, and she can give you everything I can't. Okay, she might not be big on cuddling like you are, but she'll learn. Who wouldn't want to be held by you?_

Writing becomes increasingly difficult. She feels her muscles weakening, and her face is drenched with tears. Her hands are clammy and sweaty. Even holding onto the pen is a challenge. She notices her handwriting becoming increasingly sloppy with each word she writes. Meredith wonders if Derek will even be able to read to her letter.

 _We were supposed to be together until we were old and smelly, and you were supposed to die in my arms when you were 110. Unfortunately, there are unforeseeable circumstances we have no control over. I know your mom taught you about the afterlife. If there really is an afterlife and Heaven and all that, then maybe I'll have my arms wrapped around you in spirit. You should believe that if you want. It's a nice idea, after all._

 _If there is an afterlife, I'll be waiting for you. I promise. However, I hope I'll be waiting for a long time, because you're not finished yet. You need to stay here for Zola and Bailey._

 _I love you, and I'm sorry that it has to be like this._

Yours forever,

 _Meredith_

 _PS: Tell the kids…_

Weariness falls over her body before she can finish writing the sentence, and the pen falls out of her hand as sleep robs her consciousness once again.

* * *

Amelia considers the last few days the worst of her life. The constant ache lingering in her heart reminds her of when she lost Ryan and her own son. Only this feels worse, because it's her brother. Derek, her older brother. Derek, the Shepherd who can do no wrong. She's never seen him like this. For as long as she can remember, her brother has always held it together. He held them all together when their father died. He's her rock. Her one constant source of support. She would rather lose her own child again than see her brother in this kind of pain.

Derek has always been there for her. Amelia knows it's her turn to be here for him now. He needs all the support he can get.

She has no idea if Derek called their mother about Meredith, and she doesn't want to be the one to break the news to her, so Amelia called the only person in her family who wouldn't jump on the first flight to Seattle. Kathleen. Kathleen, as annoying and shrinky as she can be, at least respected her siblings' privacy. She's never gives unsolicited advice. She's always waited for her siblings to come to her when they need her, instead of poking her nose where it doesn't belong, unlike the rest of the Shepherd herd. Amelia and Kathleen were never close because of their age gap, but Amelia didn't know who else to turn to.

Kathleen told Amelia that Derek had called their mother about Elijah, but if he'd called her about Meredith, Kathleen hadn't heard about it yet. That meant, most likely, that Derek hadn't, because Kathleen was their mother's personal shrink. Amelia gave her sister permission to inform their mother of the bad news.

There's an awkwardness in the air when she encounters Owen Hunt and Maggie Piece in the hall. She's just scrubbed out of a nine-hour surgery. The OR is the only way to clear her mind in times like these. It's the only way she can avoid seeing her big brother in pain. It's not that she wants to avoid Derek; it's that she feels like she's going to burst at any moment whenever she sees the pain in his eyes.

She's been out of the loop for nine whole hours; she's scared to ask about Meredith's condition.

"Where's Derek?" she asks, swallowing thickly.

"I just got him to lie down in an on-call room," Maggie confides. Amelia notices right away Owen's inability to look her in the eye, which she has expected. She's been avoiding him since the night Meredith fell and had to be rushed to the hospital. Deep down, she knows it's not their fault that this happened-Meredith was a ticking time bomb; she said so herself. But Amelia can't help but associate this awful situation with her and Owen's carelessness. She suspects Owen feels the same.

And she saw the way Derek looked at Owen earlier. Knowing Derek, Amelia senses a piece of her brother will always blame Owen for this for a long while to come, and she doesn't blame her brother. She would too, even though the practical side of her knows it's not her or Owen's fault.

"Good. Great. And Meredith?" Amelia swallows, looking intently at Maggie, continuing to avoid eye contact with Owen.

"We're still waiting on my lab results to come back," Maggie informs.

"What, what? You're going to donate?"

"If I'm a match, I'm willing to donate, yes. However, the rumor circulating is Meredith has already started saying goodbye to people. I'll only donate if I know she's willing to fight, and she told Alex that she thinks everyone would be better off without her." Maggie frowns.

"What?! Oh, God. She didn't tell Derek that, did she?" Amelia asks, her heart squeezing for her brother. She wishes she could go find him and give him a hug, but she figures it's best to let him be, especially if Maggie just was able to get him to agree to lie down.

"No, of course not," Maggie says. "Derek still doesn't know. She fell asleep right after we got back from taking the kids to Chuck E. Cheese. Jackson, April, Arizona, and Alex helped her make a video for the kids, though. Derek walked in and thought it was for Jackson and April's video blog, and we just kind of let him think that. Jackson is editing the video, and he'll save it somewhere safe where Derek can't find it, unless, well …"

"Don't _even_ say it," Amelia cuts Maggie off. "No. Meredith can't die. She's not going to die …"

"Amelia, she has to be willing to fight," Owen says. "You know that as well as I do. A new liver won't do her any good unless she's willing to fight."

"And of course she'll fight! Why wouldn't she? I mean, I know she just lost a baby, but she's not the only one to lose a baby, and she has Derek and two beautiful children waiting for her who need her. There are people who have a lot less than she does, and they still fight! Does Meredith know that Maggie is getting tested?"

"She does," Maggie says. "But it's not confirmed I'm a match, and she keeps telling people it's okay if I'm not. It's almost like she's hoping I'm not."

"I doubt that she seriously hopes you're not a match. She just doesn't want to get her hopes up. As soon as it comes back that you're a match, I'm sure she'll be willing to fight!" Amelia rolls her eyes.

"What if I'm not a match, though?" Maggie asks. "Then what? We're running out of options. It could take too long before UNOS gets a match, even though she's on the top of the list."

"This is Meredith Freaking Grey we're talking about. Surely there's someone in this hospital who's a match! Everyone is her freaking family! Her _name_ is on the goddamn hospital. People should be lining up to donate. Everyone in this damn hospital should be getting tested!" Amelia fumes. It's then that she feels a hand on her shoulder. She looks up and sees Owen.

"Shh," Owen whispers, patting her shoulder. "Breathe, Amelia." Amelia lets loose and falls into Owen's chest.

"It's not fair," she whimpers. "It's not fair." Owen rubs his hand around the center of her back.

"I know," he says, stroking her head gently.

"She has to live," Amelia sobs, hugging Owen tightly with all her strength.

"I know," he breathes into her ear.

For the moment, Owen's embrace offers her the comfort she needs.

"You should go see Meredith," Owen suggests. "Maybe you're right. Maybe she's just afraid to get her hopes up. Maybe you can talk some sense into her."

Amelia pulls away from Owen and looks into deep blue eyes for a brief moment and nods. "You're right. I should see her. I feel awful that I've been in surgery all day. I just...I needed an escape. I should have been there for her and Derek and the kids."

"Don't feel bad, Amelia. Derek and the kids have been well taken care of. Alex was with them, and I was with Derek and them at Chuck E. Cheese until just a couple hours ago. Callie just picked them up and took them home with Sofia," Maggie says.

"Meredith and Derek are lucky to have a village," Amelia acknowledges.

Owen's phone buzzes. Maggie and Amelia perk up, both fearing for the worst.

"It's not Meredith," Owen assures them, "but I have to take this. You two go to Meredith."

* * *

Meredith is asleep when Amelia and Maggie enter her room. Amelia listens anxiously to the rhythmic sound of the heart rate monitor as she carefully studies Meredith. She looks far from peaceful, but she seems to be in a sound sleep.

Amelia's eyes move down Meredith's bed, which is when her gaze falls on the paper on top of Meredith's blanket. She shares a glance with Maggie, who also appears to have noticed the paper.

"What's that?" Maggie asks, and she gently sweeps the paper from Meredith's sheets. Amelia reads over Maggie's shoulder.

Amelia's heart sinks as the words bleed into her eyes.

"Oh, my God," Amelia whispers, scanning her sister-in-law's heartfelt farewell to her brother. "Derek can't see this! We have to hide it. Now." She snatches the letter from Maggie.

"Derek can't see what?" Amelia's heart leaps when her brother's voice fills the room. Maggie said he was resting! She twirls around, coming face to face with her older brother.

'Derek!" Amelia gasps.

"What can't I see? What's in your hand, Amy?"

"Nothing," Amelia quips, hiding the letter behind her back.

"If it's nothing, why are you trying to hide it from me, then?" Derek demands.

"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" Amelia asks.

Derek shrugs. "I couldn't sleep, so I wanted to come check on Mere. But you're _not_ answering my question. What's on that piece of paper?" His eyes are rimmed with redness; Amelia can tell her brother has been crying. The wrinkles creasing around his eyes make him look like he's aged ten years overnight.

"It's nothing important," Maggie says, ripping the letter from Amelia's hands, wading the letter up and throwing it in the trash can.

Derek doesn't seem convinced, though. He bends down, takes the paper out of the trash, and uncrickles it. His eyes scan over the paper, tears building as he reads.

"Derek, you shouldn't be reading that," Amelia urges, unable to control the tears building in her own eyes. She looks over at Maggie, seeing the redness rimmed in her eyes as well.

Derek remains mute, his eyes glued to the letter. "Tell the kids what?" he whispers. He looks at Meredith, whose eyes remain closed. "Tell the kids what, Meredith?" his voice raises, but Meredith's eyes don't budge.

Maggie and Amelia react fast, each grabbing a shoulder of Derek's.

"Derek, come on, come with us," Maggie says, and the two woman drag Derek out of the room, despite his resistance. Tears fester in Derek's eyes. Once they're completely out of the room, Amelia wraps her arms around her brother and pulls him close as Maggie keeps her hand planted on his shoulder.

"You have to donate, Maggie, please," Derek begs. "You have to save my wife. I can't live without her. I can't raise the kids without her."

"Derek, if I'm a match, you know I would do anything for Meredith. But if she doesn't want to fight, there's nothing I can do," Maggie whispers just as an iPhone notification startles them all. They all check their phones at the same time. Maggie's eyes widen. "It's Alex. The results are in. I'm a match," she says just as Alex appears behind Derek, red-faced and breathing heavily as if he's just sprinted a mile.

Derek breathes a huge sigh of relief. He breaks free from Amelia and raises his hands in the air and embraces Maggie with a firm hug. "We have to tell Mer! This is great news."

"Derek, if she's not willing to fight, it doesn't matter," Maggie says definitively as she breaks away from Derek.

"Why wouldn't she fight? She was just scared you wouldn't be a match. Of course she'll fight now!" Derek insists.

Maggie looks unconvinced, and Amelia is starting to see Maggie's perspective, but she wonders what makes Maggie think that Meredith won't fight now that she's a match. She senses there's something Maggie has withheld from her and Derek.

"There's something else," Maggie confirms.

"What? What else could there be?" Derek asks desperately.

Maggie inhales a sharp breath. "Meredith told Alex that she doesn't want me to donate," Maggie says as Alex slides in beside Derek, placing a hand on his shoulder. Derek flinches at the touch. "She told Alex it doesn't _matter_ if I'm a match or not."

"Is … is that true?" Derek asks Alex.

Alex nods grimly. "It is."

"Call Cristina," Derek orders. "Cristina will knock some sense into my wife. If Meredith will listen to anyone, it's her twisted sister."

Alex sighs. "I already have. She can't get here until the day after tomorrow, and Meredith refuses to talk to her over the phone."

"If Meredith makes it until the day after tomorrow," Amelia snorts.

"She'll make it," Derek whispers. "She has to."

* * *

 **Irene's A/N: There's still hope for Meredith, not everything is lost, even if this chapter and the ones before were wondrously dark. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, though it won't be easy getting there. We both hope you'll be with us for the journey. Thank you for reading and loving this story, in spite of the darkness and a special thank you to Nicole, who wrote most of this.  
**


	25. Chapter 24

**Irene's A/N: So, this delay, totally my fault, again. Can moving to the USA to work as an au pair for the next year be enough of an excuse? Because it's what happened. And as you can see, update times might vary, since I'm still settling down. Remember also that I'm on East Coast time, now. Again, sorry to leave you guys hanging for so long!  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 24**

Opening her eyes feels like dragging sandpaper under her eyelids, but it doesn't worry Meredith much. She knows she won't be opening her eyes for long.

It's dark in the room, and Meredith suspects it's the middle of the night. On her next blink she can finally focus on the clock hanging on the wall, saying that it's close to three in the morning.

Next, Meredith spots Maggie sitting at her bedside, and she's glad she has avoided Derek once again. She has no idea how to face him anymore, and honestly, he's probably running away too, running to his better future. She has to let him spread his wings; she'll stop dragging him down when she's dead.

"Thank you," she croaks, the sandpaper migrating to her throat. "For taking out the kids. And Derek."

"They needed it. I was going to drag Derek out if he wasn't willing to eat anyway."

Meredith sighs, blinking slowly again. She feels sluggish, but she has to do this. "You're good for them. I'm glad they have you."

It takes a moment for Maggie to react, but then her eyes blaze with indignation. "Oh no, you're not doing this again, Meredith."

"Doing what?" She pretends ignorance; she's good at pretending these days.

"You're not saying goodbye. It's not time to say goodbye yet."

Meredith chuckles dryly. She knows all about her mortality. She has brushed up with Death for a long time, always getting close but not quite. She's made peace with the fact that she'll lurk around the hospital-limbo, feeling whiffs of Derek and her children or her friends. She's even wondering who she will find in limbo with her, waiting for the right moment to cross over, and she's not sure who she wants to see the most.

She remains quiet as Maggie stares at her, her eyes firing determination. Clearly, she inherited that from Ellis, there's no doubt about it. She has vivid childhood memories involving that same blazing gaze.

"Meredith, I'm serious, you're not saying goodbye."

"Why? Why should I live?"

It's Maggie's turn for a dry chuckle. "Are you kidding me? When I met you, I was in awe! I was ready to worship the ground you walked on when I realized you are my big sister. Why would you want to leave such a wonderful life behind?"

"You have no idea how hard it's been. I barely made it here, and I'm tired. I'm so tired."

"What about us? The ones left behind? What then?"

"You'll be fine…" And she believes that, she believes it with her true heart.

Maggie shakes her head as Meredith closes her eyes. But Maggie doesn't relent. "Your dad left you when you were five, you know what it was like. How can you do that to Zola and Bailey? How can you actively choose to leave them behind?"

"I made it to adulthood with a support system that was non-existent, they'll be more than okay. Derek has always loved them better, they'll be fine."

"Loved them better? Are you serious?!" Maggie is full of indignation, and Meredith feels just too tired to do this anymore.

She would roll to her side and curl up if the C-section incision didn't hurt like a bitch and her whole body was ready to cooperate. She settles for turning her face away from Maggie and her judging eyes, staring at the machines and the pastel-colored wall, the barely open blinds, the cloudy Seattle sky.

"There's no loving better, Meredith. There's just love. And God, it hurts and it tears us apart, but as much as my parents loved me, I've never seen anyone love a child more than you. And your children love you back just as fiercely. Zola looks up to you in a way that I've never done with my mother. And Bailey is the sweetest boy with you. He's all mischief and boy sneaky when he's with Derek – the very few times I've seen them together – but with you...You are a better mother than you think."

She's been a terrible mother to Eli, but she can't bring herself to admit it out loud. She's a failure as a mother and wife. She keeps Derek from his dreams and kills his babies, why would he want her after this? Why would she wish for a liver when she knows fighting and tears and heartbreak are looming at the horizon?

"Derek won't ever be the same again, Mer. He's not the same, and you're still here!"

Meredith gulps at that, a memory of her alternate Limbo resurfacing, a memory of Denny and an empty OR; her eyes well up with tears.

" _Do you know what kind of miracle it is that Derek is who he is? Do you know how rare it is that someone like him even exists? He's still an optimist. He still believes in true love, and magic, and soulmates. He's waiting for you, and if you don't come back from this you will change who he is."_

She doesn't want to cry anymore, but she knows she's about to fall apart. She can't let Maggie see her like this. She can't. She looks away even more, hoping she could disappear into the pillow. Or make Maggie disappear, either would work.

The onslaught of memories and thoughts is interrupted when she hears her ringtone and the buzzing of her phone on the rolling tray.

She slowly reaches for it, frowning at the caller ID. Why is Alex calling her in the middle of the night?

"Hello, Alex?" she croaks, and she hears Maggie take a seat in the chair beside her bed.

"Meredith, hey, how are you?" She can hear hiccuping from the other end and her frown deepens.

"Peachy," she says, knowing that Alex won't take it personally if she omits the truth on the phone. "What's going on?"

"Zola had a nightmare and refuses to go to sleep until she talks to you. Bailey woke up and now is sitting here, wide awake and expecting your voice. I'm sorry if we woke you up, can you talk?"

Meredith's heart clenches. What little energy she has left for the day has to be used for this, no questions asked. She's not sure how long she'll be able to console her kids, and she wants to do right by them until the end.

"Of course. Put me on speaker."

She hears shuffling and a few gasps, before she clearly hears her children shouting her name.

"I thought you were dead, Mommy!" Zola says quickly. "I had a very bad dream and you were bleeding lots and then Chuck E. came and said you were going to go away and eat pizza all day with him and Eli 'cause they were more fun than me and Bails."

Meredith exhales loudly. Her poor baby. "Oh, Lovebug. I'll never leave you if I can help it."

"But you're sick, Mommy."

"I am. And sometimes when people are really sick they die."

"Like Eli?"

It takes Meredith a moment to find her voice to reply. "Yes. But I'm not there yet. And if I have to go, I promise to say goodbye."

Zola is quiet on the other end, mulling over what she said as her usual. Meredith can almost see her pensive face in front of her, and she misses Zola desperately. Part of her wonders if it will feel like this too if she dies: fleeting moments of closeness, and then eternal longing. Maybe death will make her pain go away, but what about this love? Could this consume her?

"Chucky yummy!" Bailey interjects, his voice void of all the gravity his sister had. "Yummy salad, Mama."

"Aunt Maggie told me you went to Chuck E. Cheese with her and Daddy today, was it fun?" she asks, hoping to distract them.

"I asked Daddy to dance on the screen but he was very sad, so Bailey danced with Aunt Maggie and I told Daddy jokes to make him smile."

"Did it work?"

Zola hums proudly in agreement. "Three times. His eyes don't sparkle no more, though."

"He's really tired, Lovebug, and he's sad because of Eli and my sickness. He will have dancing eyes soon, I promise."

"I hugged him real tight and telled him to share a hug with you from me. Did you get my hug?"

"I haven't seen Daddy yet, but I'm sure he'll give me a really tight hug as soon as he sees me. Thank you, Zola. I'm sending a hug back."

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, Zola. And I love you, Bailey."

"Wub, Mama," he echoes.

"Now, both of you, go back to sleep and be good for Uncle Alex, okay?"

"Okay," they say in unison before there's more shuffling.

"Sorry, Mer."

"I needed to hear their voices just as much as they needed to hear mine," Meredith admits, closing her eyes, trying to memorize every word they have exchanged, the pitch of their tone, the way they are still learning how to navigate the English language. She wants to remember everything, in case this is their last real conversation.

"I'm going to let you sleep. Rest, Mer. I'll be back to check on you after I drop off the kids in the morning."

"Night, Alex."

She hangs up and slowly places her phone back on the tray. Maggie is still there, in the exact same position.

"Can you honestly tell me you're okay letting them grow up without a mother?" Maggie jams, but Meredith feels drained, now more than before. She doesn't want to fight.

Of course she doesn't want them to grow up without a mother, but what can she do? Livers don't grow on trees, and luck has never been on her side. She doesn't know how to make peace with this, but she'll have to learn how to. Even if the longing is all she has to look forward to.

"Meredith, I'm a match. The lab paged me with the results and I'm a match."

Meredith knows she'll probably get whiplash as quickly as she turns to fully face Maggie again. She wants to read the truth of her statement in her eyes, and the tears welling up there are a reliable enough guarantee for the truth.

Meredith freezes. She has no idea what to think next, just Maggie's bright, million-watts "I'm a match" flashing in the darkness of her mind.

Yet, redemption still looks like a far away light. Eli didn't have this hope, he never had. Why should she? Why should she live when her baby is dead? Maybe she'll find him just like she found Doc and Denny and Dylan, the bomb squad guy? Tears prickle her eyes when she thinks about an older Eli, toddling unsteadily towards her in that dreamlike limbo where everything can happen.

He looks strikingly like Bailey in her head.

"You're not getting my liver if you're not willing to fight," Maggie says sternly, her voice steady and resolute, no room for discussions. She's definitely channeling her innermost Ellis today.

Then she remembers another part of her near death experience, the firm pressure of her mother's arms around her, in a way that was so foreign and yet almost familiar. By that point, she couldn't remember what her mother's hug felt like, considering they hadn't hugged in twenty years – maybe more – but it calmed her nonetheless. It gave her strength. Meredith remembers the gentle pressure of her surgeon's fingers on her head, cupping it like she usually does with her own children when she wants to hold them for the rest of days.

Meredith's eyes feel heavy with tears again, but she refuses to cry.

" _You are anything but ordinary, Meredith."_

" _We can be extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart."_

Her mother was the poster child for heartbreak, the picture so clear in Meredith's mind that she can't help but compare Ellis and Derek, in the future, if she lets herself die. Her mother died a bit too after she left Richard and gave up Maggie, so will Derek follow the same path? She doesn't know much, but she knows she's determined not to let him figure that one out.

"Meredith, I'm serious. Livers grow back, but I'm not putting my life on the line for you if you're just going to throw this second chance away."

Maggie's words are only one of the many tethers she feels attached to at the moment. She's not freefalling in a pitch of darkness anymore, she doesn't just see the bright light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, she sees lots of helping hands before that, pleading smiles, baby giggles.

And yes, they might not be Eli's giggles, but Zola and Bailey need her. Derek needs her. Her friends, her family, they all need her in their own way. Coming to terms with what happened to Eli will tear her apart, but she'll figure it out.

Death doesn't sound all that appealing anymore. Fleeting moments and eternal longing are not enough.

"Okay," she whispers, turning to see Maggie's stunned face, almost as if she couldn't believe her words had worked on her. "I will fight. But if it doesn't work out, you guys have to let me go. I don't have much fight left in me, Maggie."

Her sister is already dialing something on her cellphone, smiling brightly, and then she's in her arms. Sort of. Maggie is giving her a one-armed hug, careful of all her tubes and lines and wires, but she feels the contact.

Meredith swears she can feel Derek, her children and Ellis hugging her as well.

* * *

Meredith is lying on her gurney, facing Maggie, both of them waiting outside of the OR, ready to go under.

"Are you sure?" she murmurs to her sister, her eyes feeling heavy, just like the weight in her heart.

She's wondering if donating her liver to Thatcher might have contributed to her HELLP, wonders if Maggie is at risk too, in case she gets pregnant. Maybe they'll catch her condition before they did for her, but something else might happen and her liver function will be compromised either way. She knows transplants are technically safe, but are they, really? Maybe she should consider a study on it if she survives this.

All of a sudden, she feels like there are plenty of moments she can look forward to.

"Of course I'm sure, Mer. If you need a kidney too, you know who to ask." Maggie jokes nervously, and Meredith sends her way an equally nervous smile.

"Thank you," she murmurs, reaching out for Maggie's hand, though she's too far away to grasp her fingers in hers.

It's Maggie who reaches out and grabs her hand, giving it a firm squeeze, accompanied with a gentle smile.

"Meredith!" She hears then, and she slowly turns to see Derek in his full surgical attire, and she frowns when she notices that his ferryboat scrub cap has been replaced with the more sober one with sailboats.

She shares a smile with her husband as he comes closer to her, his eyes full of a myriad emotions. She could get lost in them forever. What was she thinking when she wanted to leave him behind?

Meredith knows he will hate her when this blows over, when the reality of their dead little boy will come haunting them at night, but for the moment she pushes Eli aside and focuses on the love in Derek's gaze, mixed with fear and guilt and trepidation.

"Derek," she whispers, relaxing when his fingers entwine with hers and his lips find her forehead. She can smell him in such proximity, and she closes her eyes to remember this scent.

"I'm sorry I can't be in the OR with you like last time."

"It's okay," she croaks. "You're in here, kicking my ass if I ever see the white light." She smirks, patting her head with her IV-bound hand.

He chuckles, though it's hollow and sad. "And here." He adds, producing his ferryboat scrub cap from somewhere behind him. She's too sluggish to notice details, but she smiles immediately at the sight of the fabric. "Do you want to wear it or hold onto it?"

Thinking is becoming harder and harder, but she knows that once she's asleep, she won't be able to grip the scrub cap so maybe wearing it is the best option.

Derek slowly removes the disposable cap she's wearing frowning at the mess they've made of her hair.

"Hold on a sec," he murmurs. Then he smiles. "If I can do this for Zola, I'll probably figure this one out for you too." He exhales loudly, placing another kiss on her forehead.

She feels his fingers trail through her oily hair, soothing her scalp, and she tries to imagine a different situation, when she's not with a foot in her grave and in the hospital. It feels good.

"You can do french braids?" Maggie's surprised yelp puts a smile on Meredith's face. Even if she has her eyes closed, she can picture her husband braiding her hair like he learned how to do for Zola, and she loves it.

"He takes the whole Superdad complex very seriously." Meredith jabs back, winning a kiss on the crown of her head as Derek keeps braiding.

She can feel him smile, even if it's small and his fingers are twitching in nervousness; she's glad she made him relax for a second, at least.

Clearly, Derek is ignoring whatever else is going on with them and focusing on the moment, too. She feels grateful for it.

Derek snatches a hair tie from a nurse, then tucks the braid under his – but now hers – scrub cap, and she lets out a small smile. She wins another kiss on her forehead, and she feels bad she can't reciprocate fully. Every muscle she moves it's either lagging behind or aches terribly, so she opts for staying as still as it is humanly possible.

"I love you, Derek," she says instead, squeezing his fingers into hers, their foreheads touching as he leans down. It's an effort and she wants to groan in pain, but she stretches up to quickly capture his lips in a brief kiss. He doesn't deepen it, but she can feel his emotions in her soul.

"I love you too, Mere. I'll be waiting for you when you come out, okay? Zola, Bailey and I are waiting."

A tear slips down her cheek and she'd love to say more, but then Bailey, Owen, April and Richard come to take her and Maggie away and she can't say anything back.

She sees Derek and Maggie engrossed in a conversation, but then tiredness takes over and she simply closes her eyes, knowing the anesthesia will keep her asleep for a while longer.

She has every intention of waking up, though.

* * *

Derek is pacing.

He's in scrubs, in his hospital, and he's not allowed in the OR to hold his wife's hand.

Alex and Amelia are sitting on the chairs in the waiting room, even though they're wearing scrubs as well. The whole hospital seems to have slowed its pace, stopping altogether when Owen comes out with an update.

Derek hates that Owen knows more about his wife than he does.

The tiles are perfectly square, different from the floors on the surgical floor, more welcoming, more homey. Nothing feels like home anymore, though.

He feels displaced, like part of him is missing, like he can barely breathe. It's an effort to breathe. He vaguely knows where his children are, he remembers something about Jackson and a playdate with Samuel, but they could be with Callie too, he's not sure. What he does know is that they're safe, whoever they are with. Unlike Meredith, they are safe.

Derek knows he should be worried about Maggie too, and the new intern next to him seems to be worried too – what was his name again? Something Italian, he suspects – but he has enough concerns for Meredith to worry about Maggie too.

He had liked Maggie before this, but now he feels like they should make her a monument. Maybe a plaque for the hospital. Or anything, really. Nothing worth money will match how grateful he feels that Maggie is a match for his wife's liver.

"They're almost done with Maggie," Owen announces, his eyes barely meeting Derek's, but focusing on Amelia and Alex instead. He's grateful the guy can barely look at him, though. It will take a while before he'll be able to look at him in the eyes too.

"How is everything going?" Amelia asks.

"Meredith is stable, and so is Maggie. Her liver looks perfect."

"Great," Alex murmurs, sitting back down on his chair, deflating. "How long?"

"We don't know yet." Owen shakes his head, then mumbles something about going back to the OR and disappears.

The air is thick in the waiting room.

Derek fidgets with his scrub cap, for a moment wishing he had Meredith's burgundy one in his hands instead. He'd be able to smell her and soothe his senses. The flavor of his own shampoo only makes him more aware that she's not next to him.

He closes his eyes as he takes a deep, shaky breath. He remembers the lonely nights in DC, when he bought a lavender-scented Febreeze and sprayed it all over his bed, trying to mimic Meredith's presence, imagining her next to him. Nothing really helped, except having her close. He has never slept as comfortably as he always does when he's next to Meredith.

There's a pang in his heart at the idea of never sharing a bed with Meredith again. Yes, the transplant gives her a huge chance, but a million things can still go wrong.

He's not ready to sleep alone. He's not ready to be a single dad, nor a widow. He feels too young to spend the rest of his life alone.

"She'll make it," Alex murmurs, almost as if he's reading his thoughts, but he's only talking in hushed tones to Amelia. "Meredith will joke about this at Christmas, I'm telling you. She'll be fine."

Derek knows they will not joke about anything at Christmas, not even if she makes a miraculous recovery from her HELLP and the liver transplant. Eli will still be dead at Christmas, and the space next to Bailey's stocking will remain empty forever; he has no idea how they'll manage to joke again. Yet, he wants to share Christmas with her. Make new traditions that might include their little boy that wasn't meant to be. Start living life again, in spite of the loss. He wants Meredith there.

Alex looks up to him, taking a deep breath. "Cristina texted me a few hours ago and told me she was boarding the plane. She'll be here tonight."

Derek nods, barely remembering when he asked Alex to call in Cristina, or if he did ask in the first place. The last few days are a blur. The world has been moving too fast since Eli's death, and yet too slowly. The whirlwind he found himself caught up in is smothering him, and Derek is not sure how long he can withstand the forces.

He gives one last look towards the OR where Meredith is, sending a silent prayer to his mother's God, lowering his face into his hands as he stares at the ground.

Hope is the only thing he has left.

* * *

Meredith finds it incredibly hard to open her eyes. Again.

Her body aches, raw with fresh stitches and new organs inside her, and she has no idea how she'll open her eyes again. She knows she has to, though. The first step towards recovery is always the hardest.

She lets the other senses awake first. Sounds reach her eardrums, steady beepings and hushed conversations. Feet shuffling on the tiled floor and sheets rustling. She's pretty sure she recognizes Miranda Bailey's voice, but then she dozes off again before she can recognize more.

When she becomes aware of the world again, the sounds are louder, more distinct, and her eyelids feel lighter. The pain is still a dull hum all over her abdomen though, that hasn't changed.

Opening her eyes blinds her with light for a second, before her sight adjusts to the neon glare. She blinks slowly, turning her head to the side where she hears voices.

"Welcome back." She hears, and then she sees Maggie lying down beside her in her own bed. Meredith slowly recognizes the ICU and she breathes out a sigh of relief.

"Grey, good to see you awake." Miranda Bailey's voice is the next to reach her tired brain, so Meredith turns to the other side to see her fellow surgeon stand at her bedside, checking on her vitals inconspicuously.

"Hey," she says, trying out her vocal chords. They seem to be working just fine. "How did it go?" This time, her throat scratches as she predicted.

Meredith gladly accepts the glass of water they're offering her, sipping it carefully as she waits for an answer.

"The transplant was successful, no complications on either end."

Meredith smiles, trying to widen it towards Maggie. She should surely try to be more sisterly now that Maggie has actually saved her life. She doesn't want to let this opportunity pass. Thatcher might have never opened that door she had offered, but she's not about to make his same mistake. She made a promise to Maggie, to fight until she had it in her, and she wants to keep it.

"How are you feeling?" Maggie asks, sounding a lot better than she does. Meredith figures she's been awake for longer, and she's glad she's doing okay.

"Sore, but okay." Honesty is always the best policy, right?

Part of her is surprised Derek is not here, disobeying orders and pulling ranks to be at her bedside, but she's also not all that clueless. How can he be the same man after what happened with Eli? He might have braided her hair before surgery, but the hurt and the hollow feeling in her chest will never fade. Forgiveness might never come from his part, so she needs to learn how to live with it. Or without him? She's too tired to worry about all the implications, now.

Nurse Tyler shows up in their ICU suite, announcing that they're going to be transferred to the General ward. Meredith is happy they're sharing the same room even down there. It doesn't surprise her the VIP treatment, but this time she's going to embrace it in full, instead of feeling uncomfortable with it.

She falls asleep again on the trip down to the ward, and when she wakes up, she knows she's already in her room because everything is quieter and the neon lights are less harsh. Most of the light is coming from the open blinds, in fact.

Maggie is laying on her side, reading a book, but she smiles when their gazes meet.

"Derek came down here for a bit but then he went up to the daycare to say hello to Zola and Bailey. He'll be back soon," she explains at the sight of Meredith's curious gaze.

Meredith smiles. She knows it's too soon for her to see the kids, but she's yearning for a hug. She can almost feel her hands twitching to wrap them in her arms.

Nurse Tyler comes in again, checks on both of them, then exits, but not before sharing a flirty look with Maggie.

"You know, you should go out with Nurse Tyler." Meredith grins.

"What? Why?"

"Because he's a good guy and he flirts with you all the time."

Maggie shakes her head. "All the good guys are already snatched, Meredith. I'll be okay alone."

"I wanted to tell Derek to welcome you in after I died, but I guess he's going to be mine for a while more, since I'm still here." Meredith smirks, winking at Maggie.

Maggie laughs, though she grimaces afterwards, and so does Meredith. "Ow. Laughing hurts."

"Yeah, forgot to warn you about that before they cut you open."

Maggie giggles, more composed, and raises her thumbs in victory when she realizes that giggling is harmless. Meredith only smiles back, glad that she's still able to smile.

"Seriously, though, Mer. Me and Derek? He'll drive me crazy in two hours."

"He drives _me_ crazy, Mags. He's one of the good guys, though. And a great dad."

"Yeah, he is. I would have gotten the best leftovers." Maggie giggles and Meredith shakes her head.

She has no idea what will be of her and Derek in the future, after her recovery, when her life is not in immediate danger anymore, but she doesn't want to think about it. She wants to think about Derek braiding her hair and holding her before they fall asleep. She wants to think about their rare mornings as a family, snuggled in bed or having breakfast together. She wants the good memories to overpower the bad ones, because she knows she needs to fight, and it will be a long and daunting battle. She's sure she won't come out of it unscathed, but she's already prepared for the wounds.

Right on cue, almost as if he has heard his name being called, Derek knocks on their door, shuffling inside looking just as bad as she feels.

"Hey," he murmurs, walking closer to place a soft, velvety kiss on her forehead, and Meredith basks in his gentle gestures. "Zola is going to sneak out of daycare and come and find you, mark my words," he whispers, his forehead still touching her temple, his words titillating her eardrum.

"Are they okay?"

"Yes. Overjoyed you're going to be okay." It's unspoken in his tone, but Meredith knows he feels just the same.

"I can't wait to see them, too."

Derek hums, sitting down on the inch of space at her hip, his body flush with hers. The heat of his skin is comforting, it makes her feel more alive than ever. She closes her eyes as his lips find hers for a quick kiss, her hand reaching up to sneak into his curls. He's so unkempt and the bags under his eyes are worse than she has ever seen, but his eyes are dancing as he looks at her.

She has missed his sparkly eyes.

Meredith is not sure how long they will last, but she surely will never take them for granted anymore. Her love for Derek swells in her chest as all-consuming as it did when they were younger, and she'll be damned if she doesn't fight for this as hard as she fought for everything else in her life.

She doesn't want to be the one to break apart her kids' family, especially not now when they're already so broken.

She's ready to fight again.

The peace is disrupted when the door slams open and a familiar figure appears.

"Jeez, they couldn't even give you a room to yourself?"

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: Who could it be? The fun's just beginning-I hope you're still with us. :)**


	26. Chapter 25

**Nicole's A/N: Annnnd, we're back! We realized it had been a long time since we updated (life's been hectic for us both), then we realized this chapter was banked so it's time to share!**

* * *

 **Chapter 25**

* * *

 _ **The peace is disrupted when the door slams open and a familiar figure appears.**_

" _ **Jeez, they couldn't even give you a room to yourself?"**_

* * *

Cristina Yang flippantly storms through the halls of Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital, a place she left just over one year ago. She notices right away that not much has changed.

Rage boils through her veins. She needs to find Meredith Grey right away. Nurse Frog Eyes told her that Meredith was in Room 200, so Cristina scurries that direction.

She combs her way through the halls of Grey-Sloan like she never left. Absolutely _nothing_ has changed. Same ugly walls; same death aroma; same baby-faced interns. They might have different faces, but they all look the same nonetheless.

Then her heart nearly leaps out of her chest when she spots an all-too familiar face. Her shoulders tense as she composes herself, preparing herself for her first face-to-face confrontation with Owen Hunt since she left his trailer one year earlier.

Except Owen doesn't seem to notice her presence. His gaze is frozen on a female attending who Cristina believes looks familiar. It takes her a few moments to place her. _Derek's sister aka the junkie._ Former junkie. Whatever. Meredith had informed her that Derek passed the Head of Neurosurgery token to his sister before accepting the job in DC.

What had happened to that, anyway?

Fury builds inside Cristina again. She hates that she and Meredith haven't kept in touch like they'd promised, but, deep down, she'd known this would happen when she moved to Switzerland. Fundamentally, it's impossible for her to talk to Meredith all the time with the time zone and scheduling conflicts.

Leaving Meredith and Owen was one of the hardest decisions Cristina ever had to make, but she would be lying if she said she regretted it. Switzerland is the best outcome to ever happen to her. She doesn't want to live anywhere else in the world again, especially not Seattle AKA The Land of Death. She misses Owen, but, now that she's had time to reflect, she knows their relationship was toxic. Owen deserves to be happy, in ways Cristina can never make him.

Judging by the way he's looking at Derek's sister, Cristina can tell he's already found happiness. "Wow," Cristina announces her presence. "You _two_? I have to say I didn't see _that_ coming. You moved from Twisted Sister to sister-in-law, huh?"

Owen and Derek's sister … Mia … Amy … something like that … break their googly eyes at each other and both of their gazes snap toward Cristina. Owen's jaw drops, while Derek's sister smiles.

"I guess Meredith told you," Derek's sister says.

Cristina rolls her eyes because Meredith didn't say a word to her about Owen seeing Derek's sister, and that disappoints her, but she's more upset about the fact that Meredith never called her to tell her she was pregnant. Then again, Meredith told Cristina she was pregnant with Bailey at the same time she announced her pregnancy to Callie and Arizona. Meredith knows Cristina isn't a "baby" person, so she understands why she's not the first person on Meredith's call list to announce baby-related news. Hell, Cristina doesn't even know how far along Meredith was; still, she shouldn't have had to find out from _Alex_ that Meredith is on the brink of death after losing a preemie.

"I have _you-two-are-screwing_ spidey senses. You should know that, Owen," Cristina quips, her voice unintentionally softening when she says Owen's name. "Speaking of Meredith, I'm told I need to talk some sense into her. I can't believe she wants to kick the bucket without putting up a fight. Oh, I have words for her!" Cristina pipes up, her blood boiling.

"Cristina, did Alex not update you?" Owen asks, but Cristina isn't listening.

"You two can return to your lovey dovey stares or whatever. Don't worry, I'll take care of the rest."

She storms past the happy couple without looking back.

* * *

When Cristina enters Meredith's hospital room, she's not surprised to find Derek moping by Meredith's bedside. The poor guy looks near-death himself. What she is surprised is to find that Meredith doesn't even have her own room. Derek's eyes widen at Cristina's entrance.

She glares at Meredith's roommate in disgust. "Jeez, they couldn't even get you a room to yourself?"

"Cristina!" Meredith gasps. "What are you doing here?" Meredith's gaze fixates on Derek. "You called her, didn't you?"

"I didn't. Alex did," Derek admits.

"But you knew." Meredith frowns.

"Jeez, way to welcome your person back." Cristina rolls her eyes. "But from the sounds of it, you're not in your right mind. You better tell me that the princess converted Evil Spawn into an Evil Drama King, because, let me tell you, he's been feeding me some pretty dramatic bullshit. It better not be true." She eyes Derek. "Do you mind? I'd like a word with _your wife_."

Derek sighs. "Cristina … "

"Alone!" Cristina emphasizes, waving Derek to the door.

Derek purses his lips and gives Meredith a kiss on the forehead. He whispers something in Meredith's ear that's inaudible to Cristina, and Meredith wrinkles her nose like she does when she's being forced to do something she doesn't want. Of course, if what Alex said is true, and she really _wants to die,_ of course she's not going to want to listen to a word Cristina has to say.

But she's going to listen. Cristina didn't come all the way from Zurich for anything, and she certainly has no intentions of attending her best friend's funeral while she's in Seattle. Cristina promised Ross she would be back in Zurich tomorrow evening.

She doesn't have the time to attend a funeral and she needs Meredith alive. The words she told Meredith before leaving Seattle are still true. Meredith makes her brave. She needs her alive. Now, she has every intention of reminding Meredith of that.

Then Cristina is met by the eyes of Meredith's scurvy roommate. Cristina scowls. "When I mean alone. I mean _alone_ , you shenanigan!" She sweeps the curtain between Meredith and the roommate, who she doesn't bother looking at long enough to notice she looks familiar. Cristina knows how overcrowded the hospital can get, but the least they can do is give Meredith _Grey_ , whose name is on the freaking hospital, a private room.

Cristina stares Meredith down, trying to read her thoughts. She used to know Meredith better than Meredith knew herself, but, in this moment, she realizes she can't tell what Meredith is thinking. She always used to know what Meredith was thinking. Has a year apart really broken their connection?

"Cristina, what are you doing here?" Meredith finally breaks the silence.

"Well, let's see, when Alex calls me and tells me you're refusing treatment and that you're saying _goodbye_ to people, you expect me to just fold my hands and, what, say a prayer? I don't think so. Is it true?"

Meredith snorts. "If I really thought I was going to die, don't you think I would have called you, Cristina?" She rolls her eyes.

"Well, I'd like to think that, but what the Hell do I know anymore? We never talk anymore. We promised to text … "

"You hate texting," Meredith reminds.

"True," Cristina admits.

"And time zones suck," Meredith adds.

"So you're not planning on dying?" Cristina asks.

Meredith shakes her head. "No."

"Oh … because I had this whole speech planned about how I need you alive. Remember, I told you that before I left Seattle? I meant it," Cristina concludes.

"I remember," Meredith says, smiling for the first time since Cristina entered, a tear forming in her eye. "I miss you, Cristina." Tears flood into her cheeks.

Cristina frowns. She moves closer to Meredith's bed and Meredith pats down on the mattress. Cristina crawls into bed beside her person and leans her head against Meredith's matted, greasy hair. "I miss you, too," Cristina admits. "I'm here, now. I'll hold your hand through the whole transplant, if you want. I'll make sure they don't mess up."

Meredith snorts, wiping her tears. She whispers, "That would have been nice." Then she inhales sharply.

Cristina turns her head toward Meredith, assessing her facial expression. She frowns, realizing exactly what has already happened.

She slowly slides away from Meredith and crawls out of the bed. Her back cracks as she slides over the railing. She has no idea how she and Meredith used to share these tiny hospital beds every time one of them would get sick.

"You've already had the transplant," Cristina states, watching Meredith nod her head.

"And I'm the shenanigan who donated." Cristina hears a muffled voice behind the curtain. She slides the curtain and glares at Meredith's roommate, recognizing the woman immediately.

Dr. Maggie Pierce. Cristina's replacement. The woman Meredith had called ranting about just days after Cristina moved to Zurich, claiming the woman was stalking her and indicating she was also Ellis Grey's daughter. Cristina told Meredith to file a restraining order.

"I believe you've met my half-sister, Maggie, correct?" Meredith reintroduces the woman.

* * *

Amelia Shepherd knows she has no business intruding on Meredith and Cristina's moment, yet she can't stop herself. It was apparent from their brief encounter that no one had updated Cristina Yang on Meredith's condition, so Amelia senses the confrontation might be an awkward one at that. She also senses that Cristina does not approve of Amelia and Owen.

She has no reason to need Owen's ex-wife's approval. What Cristina thinks doesn't matter in the grand scheme of it all. However, Amelia can't help herself from hoping that Cristina never finds out that Amelia and Owen were partly the reason Meredith lost her son and almost died, even if Meredith swears they had nothing to do with what happened, it would have happened anyway. Deep down, Amelia knows her brother shares a different opinion.

The last thing Amelia wants is to see Owen Hunt's ex-wife's reaction to _that_. After all, Cristina already probably doesn't think too highly of her, as she's sure Derek filled her head with all sorts of horrible stuff. She could tell Meredith wasn't fond of her at first, but then they got to know each other. Amelia never had the chance to get to know Cristina.

Plus, she's pretty sure Cristina was the resident she insulted when she visited Derek after he was shot.

Yeah, Cristina has plenty of reasons to hate her, all right. Now she's taken her man on top of it all. Amelia knows that if _she_ were Cristina, she would hate her guts.

Except Owen isn't her man. Not anymore. Cristina made that decision when she signed the divorce papers, and she made that decision again when she moved to Switzerland. Owen is fair game. Cristina has no reason to be upset.

Amelia doesn't know why she's being all self-conscious about this, but she is, and she can't help herself. It's not that she _needs_ the approval of Cristina Yang. Cristina Yang is the _least_ of her worries right now.

Okay, that's a lie. Deep down, she's always felt inferior to Cristina, like she's Owen's second choice and Cristina will always be his first. She's not blind; Amelia noticed the spark in Owen's eye when he saw Cristina walk up to them. It's the same spark that lights up his eye every time Cristina's name is mentioned.

Maybe she's just self-conscious because Cristina had him first. It's in her nature to be self-conscious, considering she's always been last. It comes with the territory of being the baby in the family. She was born last, so she's last at everything else too. Besides, she _never_ gets the good guy, and when she does, she always fucks it up. James, for example.

Still, Amelia is _much_ more worried about Derek not accepting her relationship with Owen than Cristina's opinion. At this stage in the game, she's pretty sure Derek will never be able to look at Owen again.

She's a little relieved that Derek is AWOL when she enters Meredith's room. It's just Cristina, Meredith, and Maggie, and the three of them look awkward as Hell. The voice inside Amelia's head tells her to bolt when Cristina's dark brown orbs shoot at her, but she doesn't.

"Um … hi … I was just checking in and seeing if Meredith needed anything," Amelia says, feeling so small next to the iconic Cristina Yang.

"I think I'm good. Thanks for asking, Amelia." Meredith smiles awkwardly.

"Amelia!" Cristina exclaims, and Amelia's face freezes.

"Yes?" she whispers, anticipating a lecture on how Amelia is all wrong for Owen or something of that nature.

Cristina shrugs. "I knew it was something like that. I thought it started with an A, but I wasn't sure."

It takes Amelia a moment to register what Cristina is saying, but then she realizes the woman is revealing that she couldn't remember Amelia's _name_. She's Amelia's sister-in-law's _best friend_ , and she doesn't even know her name. How classy.

Amelia sighs.

"You and Owen look good together. He looks happy. I'm glad he's found someone who's made him happy." Cristina chuckles. "And he's upgraded from twisted sister to sister-in-law. Good for him, keeping it in the family."

Amelia's eyes widen, and she can't help but smile.

"You really don't mind that we're together? Because out there, I thought … "

"Mind? Why should I mind? As long as you make him happy and want _lots_ of babies, I'm happy for you. You do want lots of babies, right?"

Amelia's heart dips into her stomach.

Cristina's mouth forms a circle. "Oh, you haven't had the baby talk, have you? You'd better have it soon, because Owen wants babies and neither of you are getting any younger. Please, tell me you want babies."

"I … " Amelia begins. Her gaze falls to Meredith. "I'm not sure this is an appropriate conversation, considering … "

Meredith shrugs. "It's no secret that Owen wants babies. Everyone knows that."

"It's the reason we're not together anymore," Cristina adds.

"Oh, well … yes, I want babies," Amelia blurts. "I'm a Shepherd. _Of course_ I want babies. It's in our blood." She feigns a smile. She once told James she wanted _lots_ of babies, but the truth is she goes back and forth. Ever since the loss of her son, the thought of enduring another pregnancy with the possibility of the same outcome has tormented her. She genuinely doesn't know what she wants, but Amelia never has been much of a planner. She's more of a "go with the flow" person.

"Good girl," Cristina says and releases a loud sigh. "Well … it doesn't look like there's much left here for me to do. It's funny, because when I walked in the doors of Grey-Sloan, I thought nothing had changed. I was wrong."

"Everything's different," Meredith whispers.

* * *

Seeing Cristina for the first time in a year has helped Meredith realize how much has changed since they danced it out that final time. It's funny how little changes day by day, and then you look back and everything's different.

Meredith can't help but feel that more changes are on the horizon.

"You don't need me," Cristina admits. "You have a sister-in-law and a half-sister right here to take care of you. And Owen doesn't need me. He has Amelia, and I am happy for him. I'm happy for you all. A terrible thing happened to you, Meredith, but you have a village that will get you through it."

"Cristina," Meredith whispers, tears building in her eyes. "You will _always_ be my twisted sister."

"I know," Cristina says, "but you're going to do just fine without me. I think that's why I needed to come back … deep down, I wanted to believe you wouldn't off yourself, with or without me, but I needed to see that with my own eyes. I needed to see that you were surviving without me."

"I am," Meredith says.

"Good, because I was worried you wouldn't, you know?" Cristina asks, moving toward the door. Meredith sighs, hating the fact that Cristina thought she couldn't survive without her. Then again, she would be lying if she didn't admit she'd worried the same. For a long time, she and Cristina depended on each other. They are … were … each other's persons, and now they aren't. There's no reason they can't still be friends, still. You can never have too many friends, and Meredith doesn't want to lose Cristina as a friend.

"I hope you're not fleeing back to Switzerland already," Meredith says. "Please, stay for a little while."

Cristina smiles, again walking toward Meredith's bed. She crawls back into the bed next to Meredith. "I was afraid you'd never ask. I have to leave tomorrow morning, but I can stay tonight."

Meredith winces in pain as Cristina accidentally tugs one of her wires. Cristina backs off, positioning herself in the chair next to Meredith.

"The chair will do," Cristina concludes maturely.

* * *

Derek's eyes spring open, and he stretches. He looks around the empty on-call room, realizing it's the first time he's felt rested in days. He looks at his watch, realizing he's only been asleep for a couple hours, but he feels like he's slept eight. His head is finally clear. He can breathe.

He knows he and Meredith have a long road ahead, but Meredith is alive and she's going to be beside him for the ride. That's all that matters. Time will figure the rest out. They're on this journey together, and he can't be more relieved for that fact.

Derek knows he has many questions that still need answered, like, how long will Meredith need to stay in the hospital? Normally, he knows a patient who's just went through the trauma Meredith has gone through would need to be monitored in the hospital for at least two weeks to make sure everything is healing properly and her body is accepting the transplant properly.

However, Meredith isn't just _any_ patient.

Derek already plans on taking at least two weeks of his sick time to stay home with his wife, that'll get her through the biggest hurdles and challenges she'll face post-transplant. He doesn't want her to be alone, and, right now, they need each other. They're both facing a tremendous amount of grief, and he knows they'll be stronger if they face it together than apart.

He knows he can't care for Meredith, Zola, and Bailey all on his own, though. Also, Grey-Sloan Memorial needs doctors. They're already down three.

Derek absolutely _despises_ the idea of asking for help from his family, but he can't imagine going through this horrible situation without his mother by his side; and he knows his mother will want to be there for him. He feels like the five-year-old who fell off his bike while learning to ride without training wheels. Or the little boy who had a bad nightmare and begged his Mommy to sleep beside him in case he has another one.

His sisters always teased him for being a Mama's boy, so, as he grew older, he made every effort to prove to them that he was _not_ a Mama's boy.

Maybe his sisters were right all along.

Tears well in his eyes, as he prepares to make a phone call he never wanted to make.

* * *

 **Irene's A/N: Welcome back, and thank you for reading again! There's still a lot we have to say for this story, so don't leave us just yet. I hope you enjoyed Cristina's comeback, and again, sorry for the long delay!  
**


	27. Chapter 26

**Nicole's A/N: So sorry for the long delay. Hopefully updates will be more frequent, now that** _ **Ghosts of the Past**_ **is over. I hope you have your seatbelts fastened on tight, because you're in for a heck of a ride. Ready to ride out the storm? :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 26**

* * *

"Your mother?"

Meredith's flared pupils fire in his direction. Yes, he called his mother. Yes, he accepted her offer to come out to help them get back on their feet when Meredith was released from the hospital. No, he didn't tell Meredith that she was coming.

Accepting help from his mother hasn't been an easy process, and it's taken a toll on his ego; but he has no idea how he can take care of Meredith and the kids on his own. He can't stay out of commission for too long from work, but he'll do whatever he can for his family at this point.

He needs support, and while Amelia is doing all she can, she has a tendency to do more harm than good, even if her intentions are good. Plus, the hospital needs at least one Shepherd neurosurgeon in the OR, and Amelia is still the head of the department. Amelia won't be able to help him with the kids and Meredith when she's running around the hospital doing emergency craniotomies and clipping aneurysms.

Okay, maybe he's a little jealous, but his family needs him. Right now, all he wants is a surgery. Even if it's a simple aneurysm clip. He needs to breathe in the inside of a brain, but Meredith needs him. His family needs him.

Meredith is going home today, and he's happy but also sad, because it means they'll finally have to lay their son in his final resting place. He and Meredith have agreed to bury his ashes on their land. Derek wants to have a small ceremony, with close friends and family members, but he hasn't been able to bridge that topic with Meredith. He had a hard enough time getting her to agree to bury Elijah on their land, since whenever he starts to bring up their son, Meredith elaborately changes the subject.

Derek gulps. "Yes, my mother just landed. Amelia's at the airport bringing her here as we speak."

"Why?" Meredith rolls her eyes.

"I just thought it'd be nice to have another set of hands around, you know, to help with the kids, since you're going to be on bedrest for the next few weeks."

"And you didn't think, while you were doing all that thinking, to maybe tell me?"

"You've been sleeping a lot."

"Hardly. We've stared at each other plenty of times in silence, and I was wide awake, trust me. I'm not a freak who sleeps with my eyes open."

"I didn't say you were," Derek says. "Don't put words in my mouth."

"Maybe you should actually put words in your own mouth! This is the _exact_ issue we had before with DC and all. You made decisions without discussing them with me, and you just expected me to be okay with them. God, Derek, what part of that do you think is okay? You used to whine and complain when I made decisions with Cristina, and how is this any different?"

"How is Cristina, by the way? Did she make it back to Zurich safely?" Derek takes the opportunity to ask. He hasn't heard one word about Cristina since she left Seattle following her brief visit. He'd barely spoken to her while she was here, but she, Meredith, Amelia, and Maggie had spent a great deal of time together. He was glad that Meredith had company, but he missed her, and he worried she was already confiding in her friends instead of him.

"Changing the subject, huh? Derek, just … don't talk to me right now. I can't deal with you and your ignorance."

"How am I supposed to tell you stuff if I can't talk to you? See, Meredith, _this_ is why I don't tell you things! If you don't like something, you shut me out. There's no opportunity to discuss something if you don't like it."

"Shut up, Derek."

He sighs and decides he needs to pick his battles wisely. Now is not the time to battle Meredith. There will be plenty of time for that later.

* * *

They're not even home yet, and a piece of Meredith wishes she could just send Derek back to DC so she doesn't have to look at him. The other part of her wants to wrap her arms around him and beg for his forgiveness.

She feels so self-conscious when he's near, his judging eyes swarming her at all times. He's blaming her; she can already feel it. It's only a matter of time before all Hell breaks loose, and the last person she wants there when it happens is Carolyn Shepherd. The last thing she and Derek need right now is another closet timeout. She needs to breathe, and she can't breathe when Derek is closeby.

Her heart races with him hovering over her. She just wants space; space Derek never wants to give. He's slept in her room every night since the surgery except the night Cristina was here. He kept his distance then, and she appreciated that. It's one of the only reasons she wishes Cristina had stayed longer. They're two different people now, and that's okay. Meredith is happy Alex chose not to listen to her delusional words regarding not wanting to call Cristina.

They're sitting in silence again. She likes the silence. Her eyes fall over the empty hospital bed that was once Maggie's. Maggie was released from the hospital yesterday and had gone home with Alex. Alex offered to let her stay with him while she recovered, since he had plenty of spare rooms with just him, Jo, and Arizona living in the house.

Of course, the silence doesn't last for long, because it's only minutes before Carolyn and Amelia Shepherd burst through the door.

"Oh, Meredith, Derek!" Carolyn greets them, her face wrinkled with despair. She throws her arms around Derek.

"Ma," Derek murmurs loud enough for Meredith to hear.

"I'm so, so sorry that this has happened. I … I couldn't believe it," Carolyn says. An awkward spell falls over the room. "I want you both to know, I'm here for as long as you need me, and if you need anything, anything at all, don't be afraid to ask. I'm going to do whatever I can."

"Thanks, Ma," Derek says.

"That's really generous of you," Meredith comments, realizing she can't take her anger at Derek out on Carolyn, since it's not her fault that Derek didn't tell her she was coming. She's sure that Carolyn has the best intentions, but Meredith still feels like a failure in front of this woman who raised five perfect babies. She can't possibly understand what they're going through.

"So, what are the arrangements?" Carolyn asks. "Amelia told me that you're laying him to rest on your land, which I think is wonderful. You'll always have him near, then."

Meredith feels her face stiffening as she shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"We're still figuring things out," Derek says. "We're really just taking it one day at a time."

"And I understand that, and I'm sure your priest is preparing a lovely ceremony," Carolyn says. "I just thought I'd ask. I'm sorry if I'm overstepping."

"You must be exhausted from your flight, Mom. Why don't we grab a cup of coffee?" Amelia grabs her mom's shoulder. "Seriously, I need coffee or I'm going to pass out. I had a nineteen-hour surgery last night, and let me tell you, I don't know how I'm still standing right now."

"Nineteen hours? Please tell me you slept before you came to pick me up at the airport!" Carolyn gasps.

"Oh, I caught a thirty-minute catnap before I came." Amelia shrugs.

Carolyn's eyes widen. "Darling, I don't think it's coffee you need. It's a solid eight-hours of sleep. You should go home."

Amelia's eyes widen as a realization appears to dawn on her. "Actually, yes. I do! Why don't we head back to Derek's house? Just you and I … we can make sure the house is ready for Meredith when she arrives, and ... I can sleep!"

"I like that idea, but I was hoping to catch a glimpse of my grandchildren first," Carolyn says. She eyeballs Derek. "Where are they?"

"They're in daycare," Derek answers. "They've been so excited to see Mere, I promised they could ride home with us from the hospital. I didn't tell them you were coming, because they've had so much on their plates lately, but I'm sure they'll be thrilled to see you, Ma."

Meredith clenches her fists, because she has a good feeling that the reason Derek didn't tell the kids was because he knows that Zola can't keep a secret. She would have blabbed it to Meredith.

"Then why don't we go say hi to Zola and Bailey, and then we'll head back to the house?" Amelia urges, grabbing ahold of her mother's hand.

Carolyn glances at Derek and then at Meredith. She nods.

"We'll see you at home," Carolyn says, agreeing to Amelia's proposal, and the two women depart. _Finally_ , Meredith thinks.

"Arrangements?" Meredith spills. "A _priest_? Your mother does know that we don't go to church, and I don't even know if I believe in God, right?"

"Um … it's never come up, exactly," Derek admits.

"I don't want a ceremony," Meredith says firmly. "I don't want a fancy speech or whatever. I just want to lay my son to rest and move on with my life. And there's definitely not going to be a freaking priest."

* * *

He was afraid this would happen.

Before he can argue with Meredith, though, Dr. Bailey enters with a clipboard in her hand.

"It looks like you're all set, Meredith. All I need is for you to sign the discharge papers, and we'll have you on your way home."

"I'll get the kids," Derek says as Dr. Bailey hands Meredith the clipboard. "Be right back."

His mother and sister are still with the kids when he enters the daycare room. Bailey is in his mom's lap, and Zola is leaning over her shoulder. Zola notices him first.

"Daddy! Nana's here!"

"I can see that," Derek grins.

"And she telled me that Mommy's coming home soon, and that we're gonna have a fun'ral for Eli. A goodbye party! And I'm gonna wear a pretty black dress. Nana said she'd help me pick it, and then a priest is gonna come bless Eli and we'll bury his ashes in our yard so he can be with us always!"

He feels his face warming as his eyes dart toward his mother. "Grandma told you all that, did she, now?"

Zola nods.

"Derek, is Meredith ready to go home? I'm assuming that's why you're here."

"That would be why I'm here. I thought you were going to the house," he says.

"We're heading there right now," Amelia pipes up. "Let's go, Mom."

Truth be told, he has no clue what the house looks like right now. He was there yesterday to grab clothes for Meredith to wear home; she'd specifically requested comfy clothes. All he remembers is fumbling through her closet, and asking Zola if Mommy would think the outfit he picked was comfy. Zola was his only reference, since his sister was in surgery. He'd ended up with a pair of grey sweats and a T-shirt that he later realized was his. Fortunately, Meredith hasn't complained. Yet.

"Mommy's coming home?" Zola's eyes light up. "Right _now_?"

"That's right. Why don't you grab your backpack?"

"Okay!" Zola springs to her feet and runs away.

Derek sighs as he takes Bailey from his mother's arms. "Mom … I really wish you hadn't told Zola about us having a goodbye party for Eli with a priest."

"What's wrong with telling her that? I don't understand, son."

"It's just … Meredith isn't a religious person, and I haven't gone since I divorced Addison. I just … I'm not sure it's appropriate."

"Well, I can call my priest back in New York and see if he knows someone nearby. He has friends all over the world. I'm sure he knows someone in the Seattle area who can say prayer."

"Mom, you're missing the point. Meredith doesn't want a priest. She doesn't want a ceremony or anything like that. She just wants to lay our son to rest," Derek says.

"Okay, son, but right now all I'm hearing is what Meredith wants. What do you want? Elijah is your son, too," Carolyn says.

He freezes. What _does_ he want? He's been so busy thinking about Meredith and trying to make her happy, he's not sure he knows the answer to that question.

"I don't know, Mom," he answers honestly. "I really don't. Right now, I just want to get Meredith home, and the kids home, and then Meredith and I can decide what we want. It's not the time. I know you want to help, trust me, but please … we just need time."

"Okay, Derek. I understand," Carolyn says, though he's not sure she truly does.

"Also," he adds, remembering something else troublesome that Zola mentioned. "Did you tell my daughter that we would be burying her brother's ashes in our backyard?"

"That's the truth, isn't it?"

"It's just … isn't she a little young to know about cremation, don't you think?"

"I didn't explain the process," Carolyn says.

"Great, so when my daughter asks why her brother is made out of ashes now, I'm going to have to explain the cremation process to my four-year-old. Thanks, Mom." Derek clenches his fists.

"Let's go, Mom." Amelia tugs at her mother's arm, all of sudden reminding Derek of a much younger version of his sister.

* * *

"Mommy!" Zola runs toward her. Dr. Bailey has already helped her into a wheelchair, the papers are signed, and she's ready to roll out of Grey-Sloan Memorial.

"Come here, sweet girl," Meredith says. "Want to sit on my lap?"

Zola nods, looking back at her father behind her, who's holding her brother. "Can I, Daddy? I won't hurt Mommy's 'cisions, promise!" Meredith is astonished by how grown-up her daughter suddenly looks.

"Go ahead," Derek gives his permission, and Zola, being extra gentle, climbs onto Meredith's knees.

"Are we ready?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"We ready!" Zola quickly responds.

"Now, I don't want to see you back here for six weeks. Got it, Grey?"

"Got it," Meredith says.

"She's in good hands," Derek offers, flashing Dr. Bailey an earnest smile.

"If either of you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. Don't forget, you have an entire village here," Dr. Bailey adds, gripping Meredith's wheelchair and pushing her toward the elevator with Derek strolling beside with baby Bailey.

Meredith's brain is in a blinding fog. For some reason, she hasn't been able to make eye contact with her son.

* * *

The ceremony is quick.

No priest. No prayers, other than the ones said privately during a moment of silence. Only Meredith, in a wheelchair, Derek, Carolyn, Amelia, Owen, and Alex present. Maggie sent flowers, since she wasn't up for the travel. The flowers are beautiful - Baby's breath. Others sent flowers too, which lie on top of Elijah's tiny grave hole.

Zola is there. She begged to come, although Derek had not wanted her to be there. He had no choice but to allow her to be there, since his mother had gone ahead and told her all about the burial. Bailey is with Callie.

It happens so fast that neither Derek nor Meredith recall the moment their son is placed in his final resting place. A tear streams down Derek's cheek while Meredith remains reserved and distant.

And then it's over.

* * *

"Daddy, can we go see baby Eli?"

Carolyn sighs when she hears the question come out of Zola's lips for the umpteenth time that day. Since they've all settled home, her granddaughter couldn't stop asking about her dead baby brother, and it breaks Carolyn's heart. Especially when Derek's answers are more and more elusive as time passes.

"Zola, it's already getting dark out, you should be in bed already. Go say goodnight to Mama."

Zola huffs, her shoulders deflating. "Kay, Daddy. How long till Mama is not in bed anymore? I want to play swim with her."

"She's already doing better, so I'm sure it will be soon."

Carolyn wants to roll her eyes herself. It's been a week since Meredith has been released from the hospital, and just healing from a C-section would bench her for at least two. It will never be soon enough for Zola, who is convinced that 'soon' is tomorrow.

Zola follows her father's suggestion and heads to Meredith's room, disappearing behind the corner. Of course she doesn't come back after five minutes like Derek was imagining.

"I'll get her into her room, you go read to her," Carolyn says, knowing that she can finally have some one-on-one time with her daughter-in-law if Derek and Zola are busy with bedtime routine.

Carolyn knocks on the door gently, a big smile on her face as she greets the duo. Well, the trio, if you consider Bailey sleeping on Derek's side of the bed, far away from Meredith and Zola. She remembers the little boy crawling to the master bedroom only a few minutes before Zola, but apparently his day has been a good one, because he's conked out. Almost as if he has barely made it to the bed in the first place.

"Hey, Zola, remember it's bedtime," Carolyn murmurs gently, trying not to intrude in the private moment between mother and daughter. "I'll go put Bailey in his bed, and when I come back I want to see you in your room, alright? Daddy is waiting for you with a book."

Zola sighs loudly, burrowing a little deeper under Meredith's arm.

"Nana is right, sweetie. You should get a lot of sleep so you're well-rested and ready for all the games in the world tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." Zola nods, kissing her mother's cheek. Meredith has the faintest of smiles on her lips as well as she kisses her back. "Love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, Zozo. To the moon and back."

"Oh, Mommy! Is Eli on the moon? Is he the one that sends back your love after you send it to the moon?"

Meredith's eyes widen, surprised by the question. "Well, Eli mostly lives in our hearts, not on the moon. But you can imagine him wherever you like."

"Really?"

"Yup. When I'm sad I always think about him playing tag with you and Bailey, and you are all laughing harder than you ever laughed."

"I could have teached him to play tag."

"You would have been a great teacher."

Zola snuggles for a moment longer under Meredith's arm, winning another kiss on top of her head, even though Carolyn notices the slight grimace that marrs Meredith's cheek as she stretches to hover her lips over Zola's crown.

"Alright, bedtime. Go hear the story Daddy is going to read."

Zola smiles, kissing Meredith's cheek again, then scrambling down the bed, almost squishing Bailey in the process. The little boy groans, and his eyes open. He smiles brightly at Meredith, but she immediately diverts her eyes after what looked more like a grimace than a smile. Carolyn sighs as well, picking up Bailey to move him to his bed.

Five minutes later the little boy is fast asleep again.

She passes by Zola's room, from where she can hear Derek's low voice, reading to her about the latest adventure of Curious George, the little girl quietly listening. Carolyn then enters Meredith's room again, giving the woman another small smile.

"They are all settled," she announces, to which Meredith only responds with a slow nod. "How are you feeling, dear?"

"Tired."

Carolyn takes the liberty to sit down on the farthest side of the bed; Meredith doesn't push her away, which she appreciates. After the burial ceremony, she learned that her daughter-in-law is a much stronger woman than she expected her to be, and that she definitely wants to control how the world works. Carolyn is happy to set herself aside and help only when she needs to, as long as she can spend some time with this grieving family. Also, she has learned when it's time to speak up and shine light on problems. This is the time.

"Meredith, I want to talk to you about Zola," she says, gauging Meredith's reaction. The eyebrow twitch and the subsequent frown are a clear indicator that Meredith herself knows what might be the issue.

"Look, I know I should just let her believe in all the good in the world, but I can't. It's not the way I was raised, and it's not the way Zola should be raised. There's a lot of bad in the world. Her brother is dead, we can't change that." Meredith's gaze drifts away from Carolyn's after those words, and Carolyn spots some building tears.

"I know. I was telling you that I support you. That what Derek is doing is sheltering and covering up reality. He was raised that way, and I'm sorry."

Meredith's eyes dart back to stare at Carolyn, questions she's not saying blubbering out of her gaze.

"I did the same with Amelia. I tried to wrap her in a blanket of happiness and pretend everything was normal, even if her dad was never going to take them home from the store again. I never truly answered her questions, I just dodged them. Derek learned from me, and I'm sorry."

"Carolyn –"

"Zola and Amelia are about the same age, and I don't want you to go through what I did. You have been through enough as a mother. I don't want you to get a call from Bailey one of these days, telling you that Zola has overdosed after stealing his prescription pad and he saved her life just in time."

Meredith nods, almost at a loss for words, her eyes cast low. Carolyn wipes a stray tear from the corner of her eye at the onslaught of memories.

"You can talk about Heaven, if you believe in it, but he should at least tell Zola something more. He should take her to visit her brother when she wants to. He should tell her stories about him. Derek just dismisses her most of the time, and I'm really worried."

"I know." Meredith is frowning in concentration.

"I'm not sure I can get through Derek, but I'm sure you can. Make him change his mind."

"I'll try," Meredith whispers, gulping back a lump in her throat.

"Also, I'm sorry if I intruded in your lives without telling you anything."

"Oh, we can blame Derek for that too." Meredith shrugs, her tone a little too serious to be joking.

Carolyn is worried about this family falling apart. She's worried her son and his protectiveness might smother Meredith and Zola with unwanted attention. She's worried Bailey is not getting enough of it, instead, since Meredith barely looks at him.

As long as she's worried, Carolyn will figure out a way to remain close to them and see them through this impossible time. She owes the universe that, after all the help she received after becoming a widow. And even if she was at peace, she wouldn't want to be anywhere else anyway.

Being a grandma is where she belongs.

* * *

The couch is her new best friend.

Meredith is not sure a world outside her living room exists, aside from her bedroom. She shuffles between one room and the other, seeing the outside world through the flat screen above her fireplace. She hasn't checked her social media since who knows how long. She stopped blogging. She stopped everything but staring at her TV, transfixed into watching lives that are not her own.

If she thinks about other people's problems, she doesn't think about her dead son, or how she almost joined him.

She skips over to the next _Bones_ episode, and as the TV loads she hears the squeals of Zola and Bailey outside, in the pool, splashing and shrieking.

Meredith has no desire to join in the fun.

The iPad on the coffee table buzzes, and she immediately reaches out to silence it. She's surprised by the sound, because hers has been out of battery since she was at the hospital. She couldn't care less about the billion notifications she might have.

Meredith realizes the reason of the offending sound right away. This is not her iPad, it's Derek's. She frowns when she sees an Instagram notification, since Derek doesn't have Instagram. To be honest, he's pretty much social network inept.

She's too curious to let it go, so she clicks on it. She's glad Derek doesn't have a passcode either.

Her throat goes dry as the photo loads.

It's an empty incubator.

Meredith recognizes the incubator, because she has stared at that plexiglass for an entire day. She remembers placing every single one of the stuffed animals inside it. Sneaking in her fingers and touching her little boy for as long as she could, until her incision hurt from sitting in her wheelchair and her eyes burned with tears she wasn't crying.

Two fat tears slide quietly down her cheeks, now. Angry tears or sad tears, she's not sure.

Meredith is surprised by the number of likes this photo has. Very surprised. Through the tears, she clicks on Derek's profile, frowning at the username. She's even more surprised when she sees that he has about three hundred thousands followers.

Meredith looks at the photostream, trying to gauge if it's just something he started doing while he was at the NIH as part of his job, but when she sees the last three photos, she realizes that it's definitely not work-related. Yes, the lingering theme is medicine, but the photo before the empty incubator is their family. Precisely, Zola, Eli and herself. Their faces are hidden, but she knows.

Another tear streams down her cheek. It's such a bittersweet memory, holding her littlest boy proudly, with Zola so doting and so excited for her role as a big sister, only to end up in a puff of smoke. Or better, a very tiny urn of ashes buried in their backyard.

She hates Derek's excitement in the caption; his pride in showing off his family; the hope in his words, obviously destroyed.

Her heart clenches when she sees the next photo, with only Eli in it. She can see his tiny face, covered in tubes, and his little body, so fragile and minute, and the dam bursts. She bites her lip not to sob, because her incision hurts way too much when she cries, but the sound escapes her anyway.

She traces the lines of her little boy in the small screen, missing him more than anything, wishing once again she could go back in time, to that moment when Zola was talking to her brother and she was holding him close, his heartbeat still full of life against her own chest.

Meredith holds in the tears when she hears the screen door of the porch open, praying it's not Zola coming in.

"Meredith?"

Derek is the last person she wants to see right now, so Zola would have been ten times better indeed. A sudden burst of energy rushes through her and she stands up, walking to Derek more quickly that she has done in the past six months.

"Why?" she croaks, her voice breaking as she holds up her gaze to him. "Why did you do that?"

Derek frowns. "What? What happened?"

"Why did you hide your Instagram account? And why did you post such personal photos? How could you?" Her voice is strong again now, strong and broken.

Meredith dives her fists into his chest, and he feels so solid and strong she can't help herself: she hits him harder and harder every time. She keeps asking "Why?", but she doesn't get any answer.

* * *

Derek's heart is breaking. It breaks every time he looks at the photos of Elijah on his iPad, and it's shattering in even tinier pieces now that he sees his wife like this over them.

He's not sure why he never told her about his medical Instagram account, or why he sometimes adds a personal touch to the posts. In all honesty, most of the cases on it are the ones he has worked with her when she was an intern or a resident, and he's glad he can use their memories as a teaching opportunity again. Adding Eli, when both Zola and Bailey have been on it multiple times, was just a formality. He deeply regrets only taking a couple of photos of him and them together.

"I've been nothing but honest with you and you hid this! Why?"

Meredith is in hysterics now, and he's at a loss. He doesn't know what to do. He lets her hit him, exhausting her anger and her sadness, unsure if this is her breaking point or the last straw that will indefinitely pull them apart.

Her tiny ineffectual fists hit his chest again, and again, and again, until he feels sore, and he knows his skin is red. Meredith keeps yelling, asking for explanations, but her energy is dwindling.

Derek sees it as clear as day when she runs on empty, and he's glad he has quick reflexes to catch her before she collapses on the floor.

He pulls Meredith into a hug, holding her upright as best as he can, while she keeps crying into his chest. It feels like forever since he has last seen her cry.

"I got you." He hums into her ear, before he lifts her up. She feels lighter than Zola, wrapped up around him like this, and he holds her a little bit more tightly. "I got you."

Derek carries Meredith into their bedroom, ignoring the fact that it looks like her personal nest now and the air smells stale. There will be time to open the windows.

He slides Meredith under the covers, crouching in front of her face as he does so. She tightly keeps his hand hostage.

"I'm sorry about the photos. I wanted to take them down, but I couldn't. I just kept seeing you three together, and I couldn't. I'm so sorry. I'll delete them right away."

Meredith doesn't say anything, she simply pulls him on the bed too, and into the covers.

Derek has no idea for how long they cling to each other, his quiet tears hidden by Meredith's even quieter sobs against his chest. He holds her tightly and loosely, wishing for this to be the moment when they finally face their loss together, when they grieve for their little boy without ripping apart their family as well.

They stay wrapped up like this for as long as Meredith's breath doesn't even out, and he keeps rubbing her back slowly and steadily, calming his own tears.

"Keep the photos." Her voice breaks through the thick curtain of silence and teary breaths, almost startling Derek. "They're the only ones we have of Eli, keep them."

"Meredith, I can hide them. Make them private."

"No." Her tone is firm, gone the shakiness of tears. "Keep them public. Your account is an educational account for young doctors, isn't it? They need to know about babies like Eli. They need to know about HELLP, so they can save more mothers and more babies, even more quickly. Hell, Derek, more mothers need to know about this, so they know the signs. Keep them all."

Derek can't help but kiss her forehead softly, not daring to kiss her lips just yet. His wife is so strong, so resilient; he is in awe. "You are the bravest person I know, Meredith. You are amazing."

Meredith shakes her head, her eyes cast low. "Just hold me. Hold me, please."

Derek squeezes her even tighter against his chest, breathing her in, even though the lavender is very faint at this point. He feels the corner of her lips brush against his, and he smiles, as he closes his eyes to revel in their newfound closeness.

He has missed Meredith so much.

When sleep claims him, he gives in, knowing he'll be able to get the best sleep of his life again, as tightly as they are holding onto each other.

* * *

Carolyn knows she might pass as a very invadent person, but she knows a lot about boundaries. That's why she kept the kids out in the pool longer than what Derek told her.

Now their hands are all wrinkled and their eyes tired, but they look happy and very unaware of the yelling happening inside their home. The shouting has stopped a while ago, but she can't keep the kids out any longer. The sun is setting and they need to get ready for bed. They shower with excitement, still playing with one another, blissfully still immersed in their world of games.

"Nana, can I wear my pjs with Dora the Explorer on them?" Zola asks, her voice excited and bright as soon as she steps out, wrapped in her bathrobe.

"Of course!" She smiles back.

"Nana, bots!" Bailey squeals, running to his bedroom naked, then coming back with a set of pajamas with all kinds of boats on them. Carolyn is not surprised one of them is a ferry.

"I love this pajama set! Do you need any help wearing it?"

Bailey shakes his head, but of course he does. She lets him have a try at it, but she's also quick to turn his shirt to the right side and slide each one of his legs in the right pant leg. Still, Bailey is beaming after that.

"Okay, go brush your teeth now!"

Both kids scramble away to the bathroom again and she follows them at her own slower pace. She barely peeks into the open door of Derek and Meredith's bedroom, and her heart soars when she sees them wrapped up in a tight embrace, not an inch of space between them.

Carolyn was secretly hoping for this after she heard the fight, and she's glad they're finally working things out. Or at least attempting to do so. The least she can do now is give them a helping hand with the kids, so they can focus on their marriage and their grief. This is what she came out here for.

* * *

Derek wakes up groggily into a sea of warmth and a tender embrace.

The sensation of waking up beside Meredith is so foreign it takes him a moment to collect his bearings. He's on the wrong side of the bed, but it doesn't matter. He'd gladly switch sides for the rest of his life if it means sleeping this comfortably again. He listens to her steady intakes of breath, trying to let the warmth and the quiet completely wash over him as well.

He looks at the clock on his bedside, his eyes widening when he realizes they've been asleep for three hours and it's nine thirty at night.

Derek slowly – and reluctantly – detangles from Meredith's hold, grateful that she stays asleep. He quietly tiptoes to the kitchen, surprised but not that the house is silent. He shuffles upstairs to check on his kids, and he finds both of them quietly asleep, all wrapped up in their blankets. He kisses both of their foreheads, listening to their even breaths for a long moment, watching them being alive. His quiet "I love you"s and "Sleep tight" feel more meaningful since Eli.

Downstairs in the kitchen he finds his mother, sipping a cup of tea, as her usual.

"Thank you for picking up the slack with the kids," he says genuinely. "How were they?"

"Derek, they played in the pool until bedtime, they were on cloud nine. And very tired." His mother's smile warms him up even further.

"Good. Meredith and I…"

"I heard you two arguing, that's why I waited to take them inside. I've seen you've cleared up the air, now." She has a knowing smile that almost makes Derek blush.

"I hope so." He gulps, still feeling the stab of her fists over his chest.

"It's not going to be easy, Derek. You will have to work hard at it, every day. When a couple loses a child it either makes them stronger or breaks them forever." Her voice quivers, and Derek frowns.

"I can't break up with Meredith, Ma. I just…"

"It's easy to lose each other after losing a baby. That grief becomes so big it overshadows everything else. That's why you need to work even harder to keep the marriage alive and your other children happy."

Derek wonders how can she know this. It feels personal to her, and he's not sure what to think of it.

"You were supposed to have a little brother, you know?" The tone his mother uses is so low and flat Derek almost misses it all.

"What?"

"I was twenty-two weeks pregnant when I lost him. You were just over a year old, you couldn't possibly remember it. Your sisters barely remember it. We knew it was a complicated pregnancy right from the start, but we always hoped against all odds."

"Mom –"

"It brought me and your father apart for a few weeks after it, because we had no idea how to approach it. You and your sisters needed me, so I just ignored everything until I couldn't anymore. Your father was there to catch me, and we finally grieved together. It wasn't smooth sailing, but we made it."

"You never...We never...Why?"

"Because it's still painful to think about him. Or the two of you together. I guess Mark replaced the idea of him, helping us heal. He was the brother we couldn't give you."

"You could have told me about him. We could have done something every year, just like we remember Dad." He swallows thickly, trying to tame his anger.

"What's the point? Not even Kathleen and Nancy remember what happened. You were all so little, it was just easier to pretend it never happened. I was barely starting to look pregnant when I lost him, so we were waiting to tell you all. Back then we didn't have all the tech you have today to see what was wrong, the doctors were just playing it by ear. It's a miracle he survived those twenty-two weeks."

Derek doesn't know what to do but hug his mother. He cries with her too, tonight, but he's not sure what he's feeling exactly. It all feels surreal. "I'm so sorry, Mom."

"Me too, sweetheart. Me too."

They share a long hug before she pulls away, wiping the tears with her fingers swiftly.

"Will it ever get better?" he asks, suddenly feeling like his mom has all the answers in the world, just like she did when he was a little boy.

"It will. It takes a while, but it gets better. We had Amelia, after all."

Derek tries to smile at her joke, but it lasts for only a second.

"Mom, I know Zola and Bailey are older than we were, but how can we keep them happy and innocent as they were before?"

"You keep yourselves happy, Derek. You show them that there's love and warmth even after loss, and they'll deal with it. Zola will remember Eli, but I doubt Bailey will have any clear memories."

For a moment Derek regrets not bringing Bailey too when they sneaked in Zola and Meredith in the NICU.

"You did what was right at the time, Derek. Don't beat yourself up over the past and look at the future instead," his mother says, practically reading his mind. "You will be okay if you keep working at it, Derek. Your family will be okay."

Derek truly hopes his mother does hold all the answers to Life's questions indeed.

* * *

 **Irene's A/N: Welcome back to Storm. And what a comeback, uh? Thank you for reading, even after this unexpected hiatus. We'll make sure it won't happen again without any notice.  
**


	28. Chapter 27

**Irene's A/N: We're back! We had a review that said that we've been gone for a month and both Nicole and I were like: it's' been a month already? Time flies. Yet, we're determined to see you through the storm, so don't despair! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 27**

* * *

Carolyn watches Meredith and Derek attentively for the next couple of days, noticing that, in spite of their cuddling session, they don't seem to have made much progress.

She can cut the awkwardness with a knife in their house, and she tries her best to keep the kids occupied with something else because of it. School is not in session for Zola anymore, so there are plenty of activities to keep the little ones unaware of what's happening for just a few hours longer. Carolyn has taken them to the library and let them play in the pool almost every day, but sometimes it's still not enough of a distraction.

Zola keeps mentioning Eli every so often and so casually it surprises even Carolyn. Zola speaks of her sadness, but she also seems to be the only one who's coping with the grief. Her youngest granddaughter amazes her every day more.

Derek and Meredith dance around each other in a perfect choreography of avoidance, barely talking to each other, unless the kids are concerned. They work around one another and keep the household going, but they never talk.

Derek makes breakfast for Meredith every morning and she always grabs two mugs whenever she pours her coffee, but the couple doesn't talk anymore. Carolyn feels like she's at a loss. She has to do something to wake up her son, let them face the reality of their situation. Together.

* * *

The covers are always warm in her bed.

Zola has fallen asleep beside her after the latest _Bones_ episode, but Meredith has no idea where Bailey nor Derek are. She supposes they are together. She can definitely hear somebody in the kitchen, and maybe Bailey's giggles. She hopes he's giggling.

She switches off the TV and taps a few keys on her laptop. She sighs when she opens her inbox. Her personal one, not the work one. She barely remembers the password for her work e-mail now, and she doesn't really care. She can get a new one.

The first e-mail is a stupid subscription she doesn't remember making, the second is the notification for a new comment on her blog. She doesn't even open it before trashing it. The third message surprises her.

The day before she has stumbled upon a parenting forum, full of people who lost their kids. Morbidly, she just wanted to see how many mothers had HELLP. Of course she was the only one in that circle. That prompted her to write a short message and ask, directly. Now, it looks like she has a reply.

 _It seems like you're not alone. My wife made it safely after HELLP, but not our little boy. Most days I just want to wind back time and go back to the day she told me she was pregnant, so I could change everything. Other days I want to move forward to a time when it stops hurting so much._

 _I sent you a private message, so we can discuss our situations better without boring the rest of the forum! Hang in there!_

Meredith checks on the other e-mail, seeing the private message indeed. She curiously clicks on it.

 _Hey TequilaMom, I thought it would be easier to discuss more personal stuff here and not in the open. How are you feeling? You said it hasn't been long since you were in the hospital. I do hope you're feeling better day by day, at least physically. Emotionally, I know it's complicated._

 _How is your marriage going? You said you are married and I was just wondering. I think we have pretty similar situations, and I feel like my own marriage is disintegrating right before my eyes, and I would like your advice. I also have a demanding career and young kids, and some days it feels impossible to wake up in the morning. I always feel like I will wake up to divorce papers on the kitchen table one of these days, and I have no idea how to fix it. Do you think it's possible for us to be happy again after losing our sons? Or at least keep our family together long enough to navigate the storm?_

 _Sorry if I was so blunt, but I need advice, and none of my friends or family will ever get how much it hurts, all day, every day. Feel free to ignore me if I was too direct, I just wanted to reach out._

 _Again, you're not alone. Keep your chin up!_

 _JackCohn_

Meredith is not all that surprised when she starts typing her reply.

* * *

Derek is staring at the plates in the sink, the remnants of dinner he was supposed to clean up twenty minutes ago. He's been staring at the dark of his land for the past fifteen, instead. Just standing there, lost in thought.

It's easy to get lost in his own head after the kids have fallen asleep, and considering all the activities his mother organizes on a daily basis, it's pretty easy now for them to conk out.

"Bailey is sleeping," his mother says, re-entering the kitchen. "I've seen that Zola is asleep in your bed, with Meredith."

"Oh, good," he murmurs back, taking a second to process the information and snap out of it.

"Are you going to move her back to her bed tonight and sleep next to your wife?"

Derek's eyes snap up at the cold tone his mother uses. "What?"

"Zola has slept in your bed for the past week, Derek. Every night she watches a movie with Meredith, she falls asleep, and you never move her."

"It hasn't been that long," he argues, but he barely knows what day and night are these days, keeping track of weeks is impossible.

"It has, Derek."

He shakes his head, and he doesn't want to believe it. He's not avoiding his wife. He's not.

"Derek, I thought you and Meredith were working through everything together. Especially after last week. What's going on?"

"We are. We're working through things."

"How?" His mother's voice is firm, her eyes hard. He remembers this face well, this is the face that says that he's messed up, big time. "You guys barely talk to each other, Derek. I can count the words you say to her every day. On my hands."

"That's not true, Ma!"

"So, what kind of meaningful conversations did you have today?" She fuels. "Please, pass me the sugar? Because that's all you said to her today!"

"It's not like she's talking to me either!" He growls, trying to defend his honor.

"Boo whoo, right?" Derek is really afraid when she rolls her eyes at him. "Derek, she's in pain and stuck in a bed."

"And I'm not in pain and stuck here?" His voice raises even if he doesn't want to.

"Then go back to work if it's so constricting for you! Leave the house!"

"And what, leave her alone? What if something happens and she needs medical attention? She could die if something goes wrong!" He's shouting loudly, and he just hopes Meredith can't hear him, nor the kids. He can't wake them up for this.

"So stick around, but be there. Not here, staring into space, be _there_. With her. Next to her. In your own bed. Preferably without Zola in it."

He rolls his eyes back at her. "And what, have sex? She can barely stand up!"

"Jeez, Derek, you can use beds for a lot of stuff besides sex. You're so dense sometimes."

"I might be dense, but you always act like you have all the answers in the world. Stop it! I'm an adult. I can deal with my shit on my own!"

"Then why did you invite me in the first place?" she asks. Derek is befuddled. "Alright," his mother says so calmly it scares him. "I guess I overstayed my welcome here. I'll pack my bags and be on my way back to New York by tomorrow."

His mother leaves the kitchen without further explanations, and Derek feels like he has been punched in the gut. Not only he's fucking up his marriage, he's also pushing away his mother, his only help and source of sanity in the past few weeks.

He's afraid to figure out what will happen in two days, when he'll be on his own and he'll have no idea how to wake up in the morning. For the moment he focuses on loading the dishwasher and finding the most comfortable spot on their couch to rest his head.

Derek doubts sleep will come tonight.

* * *

"How long is it going to be, Liz? This feels endless! Where in hell did Derek build his house?"

Lizzie Shepherd smirks at her sister Kathleen riding shotgun in their rental car. She's voicing her same thoughts from when she first came to visit, and she was even happier when Meredith confirmed that she had thought the same when it was her first time on the land. Apparently, the only one who never thought this place was miles away from civilization was Derek himself.

But Lizzie's first drive there had been a while ago, when Meredith was barely pregnant with Bailey. Now her nephew is a toddler and the baby they were supposed to visit isn't there to greet them. It breaks her heart.

"We're almost there. And trust me, it's worth it. It seems unbelievable, but it's worth the trek."

"If you say so," Kathleen said, skeptical.

"And even if it wasn't, we're here for Derek and Meredith. They need the shake up."

"Oh, believe me, the therapist in me wants to bang their heads against a wall."

"Please Kath, leave the therapist in New York."

"It's a hazard of the job, though. I won't apologize if it slips into some of my rants."

Lizzie laughs. They're used to Kathleen the therapist anyway, even if Derek might be a little out of shape for that. And considering what has been happening in his life, he seriously needs a therapist.

"Oh, wow." Kathleen smiles as the house appears in sight. Lizzie has to admit, she almost forgot how impressive it was, too. She's glad she can see some of the lights on the main floor, it means people are still awake.

"I know, right? He did a good job."

They fall quiet as they park in the paved driveway, no other cars in sight except the two Lizzie assumes are Derek and Meredith's. Even better, it means they don't have guests.

Kathleen quickly exits the car, walking up the path to the front door, Lizzie hot on her heels.

"Knocking?"

"Knocking. Remember having toddlers? If they're asleep, let them sleep." Lizzie agrees. Kathleen hasn't had a toddler in a few years, but from the expression on her face she definitely remembers what it was like at the end of the day.

After Kathleen knocks, the door remains closed for a long, endless minute.

Lizzie knocks again. No answer.

"Ringing the doorbell?" Kathleen gives her a pointed look.

"Go ahead." It is an intervention, after all.

When the door finally opens, Derek is holding a squealing Bailey in his arms, Zola bouncing behind him wearing nothing but a pajama shirt and underwear.

"No bedtime! I want Nana to read me my story! You was mean and taked me away from Mama's bed!" The little girl sounds mad, alright. Derek looks wiped. And very, very sad.

"What are you guys doing here?" he says, his voice dejected, almost drowned by the cries and Zola.

"Hey, baby brother," Kathleen greets, smirking as she lets herself in.

Zola stops harassing Derek, then she starts studying them instead.

"Auntie Liz?" she says, frowning.

"Oh yeah, that's me. How are you? You grew a million inches since the last time I saw you!"

Zola beams. "I'm da biggest!"

"You are," Lizzie says trying to keep her as an ally. She knows Derek won't be on her side this time, but his daughter can definitely be charmed.

"Who is you?" Zola asks then, looking at Kathleen, instead.

"I'm your daddy's biggest sister," Kathleen replies, smirking. "Being the biggest is the coolest."

The beaming smile Zola gives Kathleen means that they definitely have an ally on their side. One for Team Shepherd Girls.

"Why don't you just...hang around here while I settle these two into bed?" Derek says, his voice filled with exhaustion.

"I wanna visit with them, Daddy!" Zola argues.

"Oh, don't worry, there will be plenty of time for visiting."

Lizzie doesn't miss the horror on Derek's face at the implication of that statement, and she grins, pleased with herself. She can still scare the shit of her twin brother like no years have passed.

* * *

Kathleen looks around at the open space kitchen and living room for a total of five seconds before Lizzie turns to her. "Let's go find Meredith," she says, and Kathleen wholeheartedly agrees.

She guesses where more rooms are, and it doesn't take them long to find the master bedroom, since the door is open. They can hear the TV from inside, just a low hum of voices and shrieks.

Meredith doesn't look as bad as they thought she would, for being only three weeks post C-section _and_ liver transplant. Definitely a tough cookie, that's for sure. Kathleen studies her sister-in-law's focused face, the way her side of the bed looks very well lived-in, while Derek's side only has the kids' toys on it, specifically Zola's. She'll dwell on that later, now she wants to talk to Meredith.

They gently knock on the doorjamb, and Meredith turns to them with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Oh. I thought it was odd that Derek ordered pizza."

For a moment, Kathleen stares at Meredith, shares a look with Lizzie, then they both bursts into laughter. It's not hilarious, she knows, but she can't help it. Meredith stares at them with an even more puzzled, yet amused smile.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith asks.

"We came to see how you all were doing," Lizzie begins after she can figure out her composure. "Maybe knock some sense into Derek."

Meredith snorts, then frowns. "We're not helpless. We're managing just fine."

"We know. But what he did to Mom was not okay."

Meredith sighs, shutting off the TV. "I don't want to know why she flew out of here so fast. I can still feel the draft."

"You don't know what happened?" Lizzie asks, almost in despair. There goes their chance of having more ammo to throw on him.

"I heard them arguing, and then that was it. Carolyn packed her bags and she was on the first flight out."

Before they can say more, Derek shows up at the door.

"When I said make yourself comfortable, I didn't mean go bother my wife who needs rest," he says, his tone annoyed. Never as annoyed as the look Meredith gives him.

"I'm not helpless. And I probably would have never figured out they were here if they didn't show up in my room. You're good at hiding things."

Oh, wow, a bucket of issues had been unloaded right on top of her plate, and the therapist itch is stronger than ever. Yet, she stays silent, observing. Derek swallows thickly, taking everything in, saying nothing.

"Kath, Liz, why are you here?" he asks again, deflecting the conversation.

"Derek, when your mother calls you desperately, saying she's on the first flight out, you want to know what happened from both sources," Kathleen explains.

Derek rolls his eyes.

"Mom was _crying_ , Derek. On the phone, when she called, she was crying. What the hell is going on here?" Obviously, Lizzie is more blunt than she ever could, but these two have their own strange twin bond that allows her this type of bluntness without being beheaded.

Derek sighs loudly, then shakes his head, his eyes lingering on Meredith for a second. It's her turn to sigh.

"You can go talk about your family business in the den, Derek. Go ahead. I don't need to know." Her annoyed tone of course is a huge red flag that she indeed wants to know, but Derek, clueless as he has always been, completely misses it.

When he leaves the room, Meredith looks even more dejected.

"Go figure out what's going on. At least you can get to him," she says, her eyes dull as she switches the TV back on.

Both Lizzie and Kathleen share a look as they walk out of her bedroom.

"This is a fucked-up situation." Kathleen sighs.

"No kidding," Lizzie confirms.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: Yeah, this is a messed up situation . . . what do you think will happen next?**


	29. Chapter 28

**Nicole's A/N: Sorry for the delay! So, we're going to tie up some loose ends in this chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 28**

* * *

The numbness wraps around Meredith. She's able to move around the house, but she still feels . . . nothing. Every inch of her being lacks the ability to feel. She doesn't feel sad, or angry, or anything. If asked to describe how she feels, she would say, "Empty."

Time blurs. She doesn't know what day of the week it is as she stands in the center of Eli's partially put together nursery. She looks around at the four walls that surround her until she finally gathers the strength to look at the crib, walking toward it and placing a single hand on the rail.

She closes her eyes, trying to feel something . . . anything, but she can't.

Then she turns around and meets a familiar set of blue eyes.

Derek doesn't say anything at first. He just stares back at her until she turns her head away, clasping both hands on the crib. The first feeling she has is the firmness of his fingers on her shoulder. She flinches and pulls away.

"No," she tells him in a firm voice, looking at him briefly.

"Okay," he mouths.

* * *

For the days that follow, the only time Derek spends time with his wife is within the four walls of his dead son's nursery. It's the only time she doesn't walk out of the room the moment he walks in. In part, he misses when she was bedridden, but he's glad she's gaining her strength back, physically at least.

Emotionally, he's not sure where she's at, since she refuses to look at him for more than a second, and she barely speaks to him. They're just passing shadows in the same house.

He's been thinking a lot about DC lately and how he really screwed everything up for no good reason. Okay, his family needed him, and they still might. However, he shouldn't have left DC like he did. He ruined a good thing, and burned some bridges he shouldn't have burned.

If only he could repair those bridges.

Lizzie's taken Zola and Bailey to town for some aunt time. Kathleen only stayed for two days before realizing Meredith and Derek were a hopeless case that couldn't be shrinked. However, Lizzie insists on staying to help. Derek appreciates his sister's kind gesture, but he wonders how she can bear to stay away from her own family for so long.

He thinks back to last winter, recollecting those dreadful months he'd been away from Meredith and the kids.

Right now, though, it would be easier to be away. Then he wouldn't have to be surrounded with memories of all that they lost.

"I'm going back to DC," he says suddenly; the words escape his mouth unplanned. He hasn't purchased plane tickets. He hasn't attempted to reach out to anyone in DC. The thought has crossed his mind, but his words aren't premeditated. Yet, they seem so right. Meredith turns toward him; at least he finally has her attention. She's become so good at pretending he doesn't exist. He's happy to have at least captured her attention.

"What?" she asks.

"I'm going back to DC," he repeats, more confidently. It's decided. He's really going to do this. He's returning to DC, and he's going to apologize to everyone who he screwed over, even President Obama. He hasn't thought through exactly how he's going to accomplish all that, but he's going to do it.

He's waiting for her response, maybe he's triggered some emotion in her. She's acted so numb, so emotionless. He would love to see some emotion out of her.

But, instead, she says, "Good. You should go and fix the mess you created. Maybe they'll even give you your job back!" She walks out of the room without looking back at him.

He's not sure what to make out of her response. Is she angry? Is she happy? Does she genuinely just want him gone?

All he knows is he's returning to DC for the first time since he was fired months ago.

* * *

It's not until Derek walks out the doors of Dulles International Airport that he realizes he has no idea what he's doing or where he's going. He flew standby to DC, catching the first available flight. And for what?

He considers attempting Obama's phone number - the one he'd had for him when he'd worked for the NIH - but he's petrified to actually dial it. Here he is, months later, returning after he'd disappointed everyone who had counted on him in Washington to make the BRAIN Initiative a success.

Surely he can't just show up at the NIH and expect to get through security, can he? He had to turn over his ID when he was fired, so he has no security clearance.

He scrolls through his contacts until he stops on a familiar name.

 _Bryan Davis._ Bryan. The name rings a familiar bell. Even though it's only been a few months, it feels like a lifetime ago. A few contacts above Bryan is Barry. Another familiar name. He's a little surprised that he hasn't gone through and erased his DC contacts. Quite frankly, his memories of DC are not as pleasant as he'd hoped they'd be when he'd first stepped foot in the nation's capital a little over one year ago.

He was supposed to make history. He was supposed to find a cure for Alzheimer's and numerous other diseases.

None of that happened. All because he chose to fuck up. What good did it to him? It was all because Meredith was pregnant, and he couldn't stand the thought of her losing their child. The fear of the unknown had caused him to behave stupidly.

Bryan. He's the guy he'd punched in the bathroom that one night he'd gone out with some of the NIH guys for tacos and margaritas. Derek remembers clearly now. They ended on sort of a good note, though, before he left DC. Bryan confided that his wife had left him and took his kids.

A shiver bolts down Derek's spine, feeling sick at the thought of Meredith doing that to him. However, he wouldn't put it past her; after all, isn't that what her mother had done to her father?

He taps out of his contacts and into his recent messages. As much as he hates texting, he doesn't want to bug Meredith with a phone call. A text seems less hovery.

 _Landed in DC,_ he texts, in case she's worrying about him as much as he doubts.

 _Ok_ , she texts back a couple minutes later. He has developed a disdain for the word _Ok_ , or at least when people, specifically his wife, text it.

 _Everything OK there?_ he texts back. Texting is no place to have any kind of conversation. He only uses it for brief updates. He could call her, but again, she would accuse him of hovering. Besides, he can't waste too much time making calls back home if he wants to accomplish whatever it is he's come to DC to do.

He's not sure he's figured out what that is, yet.

 _Yep_ , she replies. "Yep," is another word he hates thanks to text messaging.

 _Good. Keep me updated._

He waits for a response. Nothing comes, making his heart sink.

Okay, he has business to do. Actual business. That's when it dawns on him that he's there to make amends. He needs to apologize to everyone he hurt.

Maybe not quite everyone. If he remembers right, the guys he fought with before he was fired were pretty mad at him for insulting them. Maybe he should just apologize to the people that matter.

Bryan and Obama.

Obama had said that he would keep him in mind if they ever decided to expand the project to the Pacific Northwest, after all. Therefore, he mustn't _hate_ him completely.

However, Derek knows first hand that Obama is impossible to get in contact with. He doesn't even have a _direct_ phone number for him. The rule is that the president contacts you, you don't contact the president. Nobody has his direct line, as far as Derek knows.

So he has to start with Bryan, someone who might actually be willing to meet with him.

He taps Bryan's name.

"Derek Shepherd?" Derek doesn't know why he's alarmed when Bryan answers the call, but his heart jumps. "Why are you calling me?"

"Um . . . I'm in DC, and I was wondering if you'd be up for a drink?"

"Sure, why not? Just as long as you don't punch me in the bathroom again, you know."

"Yeah, about that . . . "

"Hey, we made up about it, remember? No hard feelings. I'm actually just about to head to lunch. Would you like to join me at Blue Duck Tavern?" He's never heard or been to the restaurant.

"Sure, where's that?"

"The address is 1201 24th Street SW."

"Okay, great. I'll catch a cab right now."

"See you, then. I can't wait to catch up."

This is easier than Derek expected.

* * *

Derek takes a deep breath as he approaches the restaurant and scopes it out. He spots Bryan quickly, even though he has more facial hair than Derek remembers. Then again, Derek is pretty scruffy right now, but he's pretty sure he hadn't bothered to shave during most of his time in DC, so he ought to look the same to Bryan.

"Derek, hi," Bryan sees him and waves him over to his table. Derek takes a seat.

"Hey," Derek says, forcing a smile, hoping Bryan won't notice.

"So, what's up? What brings you to DC?" Bryan asks. "We miss you at the NIH." Somehow Derek finds that hard to believe.

"Even if I was an ass?" Derek asks.

"When you weren't an ass, you were quite the asset if I recall correctly, otherwise Obama wouldn't have wanted you so badly for the project," Bryan reminds him.

"Hm, I suppose I wasn't what Obama expected," Derek says.

"You had a lot going on in your life. Hey, how's the new baby? Is he or she here yet?"

Derek's heart breaks and he clenches his fists. "My wife . . . she . . . we lost him," he barely squeezes out.

Bryan frowns. "I'm sorry to hear that. Is that why you're back? You're going to ask for the job back?" It's crossed his mind, admittedly, but Derek doesn't respond. Bryan says then, "You know, my ex and I lost a baby shortly after I started working here . . . it's one of the reasons I got so sucked into my work, it helped me escape my grief. I couldn't look at her after. I blamed her, even if it wasn't her fault."

"And look at you guys now," Derek says.

"I'm here, and she's in California with my very healthy and alive children, whom I'm watching grow up through a computer screen," Bryan says. "It's not a life I'd wish on my worst enemy. This job . . . yes, I love it. It's a great job that pays me more than enough . . . but what's it worth if I can't hold my daughter when she has a nightmare? When I can't teach my son how to ride a bike? What's the point?"

"Why don't you quit, then?" Derek asks.

Bryan frowns. "I . . . I can't face her," Bryan says. "Too much time has passed. We're divorced. Last time I flew out to see the kids, she wouldn't let me see them because it wasn't my turn. We can't talk to each other without fighting. And it's my fault. I let it get this bad. I'd do anything to go back and do things right." Derek's stomach turns as a waitress asks him if he wants something to drink.

"Just water," he says. He's not sure he'll be able to stomach anything more than a glass of water right now.

Bryan continues, "Look, Derek. You love your kids. I heard you on the phone with your daughter, and the way you talked to her. I can tell you're a good father. You put your family before this job; you wouldn't have to done that if your family wasn't more important than anything else in the world. My daughter barely talks to me now. She's eight, and I'm pretty sure she hates my guts."

"Oh, I doubt that," Derek says.

Bryan shakes his head. "Her mom has told her some awful things about me. That's the worst thing you can do, by the way. Tell your kids bad things about their other parent. My son is five, and he still calls me a few times a week. I figure it's only a matter of time before my ex corrupts him, too."

"I just . . . I don't know. We're barely holding it together now, and I keep thinking . . . this job, it could have been something huge. It could have been my one opportunity to change the face of medicine, and I screwed it up. I can't live with the fact that I let you all down, too. I let myself down. I let everyone down because my wife was pregnant, and then she lost the baby because of all the added stress I put on her . . . what if she's better off without me?"

"I don't know your wife, Derek, but I know you . . . sort of. You ordered _tequila_ because it's your wife's favorite drink. That, to me, tells me something. You hated every moment of hanging out with us guys, because you'd rather be home talking to your wife. You love her, and that tells me she's a very special woman. She'd be stupid not to want you at home with her. I wouldn't let you go if I were her," Bryan says, his eyes widening. "Oh . . . I just realized how bad that sounded. I'm totally not hitting on you. That's Barry's playing field, not mine."

Derek smiles. "I didn't think . . . "

"Ha, at least I got you to crack a smile."

Derek ends up ordering a plate of nachos, but he barely eats half of them as he and Bryan continue chatting. Derek likes Bryan, and he wishes he'd spent more time talking to him when he worked at the NIH. He's a cool guy, with an interesting insight on life.

"I just wish that I could apologize to Obama," Derek confides. "He entrusted me with the project, and I completely let him down. Now, I have no way to contact him, and I doubt he's going to want to meet with me, anyway."

"Well," Bryan says, smiling. "You're lucky that you're talking to the Communications Liaison-I have contact information for Obama."

"You . . . you what?"

"I bet I can pull some strings to arrange a meeting with him, if you'd really like to apologize."

"I . . . yes, yes, that would be great. You're my hero, Bryan."

"It's been ages since I've heard that one," Bryan sighs. "My daughter used to say it when she was two or three."

Derek's heart breaks for Bryan.

* * *

Bryan follows through on his offer, surprising Derek on how quick he is to arrange Derek a meeting with Obama, and in the Oval Office of all places. Derek figures he's lucky to have come to DC on a weekend the president is in town.

He's fidgety as a White House assistant leads him to the Oval Office. He's only been in the White House a few times, since the vast majority of the NIH meetings were held either at the NIH itself or the Capitol Conference Center, when Obama was present.

He's meeting with Barack Obama in the White House's Oval Office. Holy crap. The last time he was in the Oval Office was the very first time he met with Obama, which feels like forever ago. In part, he wishes he could go back then, tell Obama that he needed to talk to his wife about all the proposals Obama was throwing his way. He was so engulfed in the excitement and possibilities that he hadn't even considered asking Meredith what her thoughts were.

Even if he had, what would she have said? She went on and on for months about how he never included her in anything, but what was the point?

The point was . . . she was his wife. His other half. His better half.

God, he's screwed everything up.

Obama isn't in the office when he enters. "He should be just a few moments," the assistant says. She's a young, dangly thing. Probably not much older than eighteen. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"I'm good," Derek says.

"Okay, then. Take a seat," the woman replies, and she stands at the doorway as if she's babysitting him. What, does she think he's going to go snooping in the Oval Office?

He pulls out his phone to see if Meredith has bothered to text him. Of course, she hasn't. He sends her a quick text to update her: _Meeting with Obama and tying up some loose ends_. Then he quickly erases what he's typed. He doesn't want her to think he's boasting that he's meeting with Obama, because he's really not trying to brag. He just wants to keep her updated, so she doesn't worry or think he's forgotten about her. So, he retypes: _Just tying up a few loose ends now_. He presses send, but immediately regrets it. Does that sound too forward? He waits for a reply, but nothing.

Ugh.

He fiddles with his thumbs for a bit, still waiting for Obama. Then he sends Meredith another text. _I'll be home soon. Everything OK there with Lizzie and the kids?_

He waits again. Five minutes later, he reads: _everything's great_.

Great? Does she mean everything is actually great, or does she mean that sarcastically? He also notes how she's lowercased her text. Does that mean something else? He _hates_ texting.

 _Good_ , he replies back. Wait, would she even tell him if something were wrong? Maybe he should call Lizzie. Derek makes a note to do that later.

The door finally swings open, and enters the six-foot-one President of the United States. Derek stands up immediately. "Mr. President." He greets his president with a firm, confident handshake, though he feels like a small, defenseless child.

"Derek Shepherd," the president promptly greets him, stepping behind the Oval Office desk. "My apologies for making you wait; I had a late dinner with my wife."

Derek smiles at the idea of President Barack Obama and the First Lady sitting down for an ordinary meal, like ordinary couples.

"No problem," Derek assures him.

"It's not often I get to have a meal with just my wife, so I can't help but jump at the chance. I'm sure you understand," President Obama says.

"I do," Derek says, trying to remember the last time he and Meredith sat down for a meal, just the two of them. Lately, he can't get her to even eat at the table with him. Usually, she eats in bed or on the couch in front of the television. He's not completely innocent in that regard, either. It's been nice having his mom or Lizzie around to help prepare dinner. If one of his family members wasn't always hovering, he's not sure either he or Meredith would have eaten at all these past weeks. He probably would have just eaten cereal or a TV dinner.

"It's been a few months, hasn't it?" the president says. "You have to imagine my surprise when I received a message from Mr. Davis, indicating that you were in town and wished to meet with me. I'll admit, I almost said no."

"What changed your mind?"

"Michelle," Obama says, not cracking a smile. "She reminded me of how highly I had once spoke of you, and that if you were asking to meet with me, then it must be something important so I should give you another chance, despite how your time with the NIH ended."

"Ah, so I have the First Lady to thank for our meeting, then," Derek says. "Believe me, I really appreciate your time. I know you're busy, and I promise not to waste much of your time."

"Carry on, then," President Obama replies.

"Right . . . I just really wanted to apologize for my behavior. I was not myself when I was here," Derek says. "The Derek who went around punching people and insulting your wonderful BRAIN Initiative is not me, Mr. President."

"I'd sure hope not," Obama says. "Because that would mean I was wrong about you, and I don't like to be wrong."

Derek's cheeks warm. "You weren't wrong about me. My personal issues got the best of me. I'd just found out my wife was pregnant, and the pregnancy was high-risk . . . I hated myself for putting so much stress on her, and not being there for her. When I went back to Seattle, we were doing okay for a while, but then she lost the baby . . . and things aren't so great there, right now, either."

"You're not here to ask for your job back, are you?" President Obama says. "Because telling me your personal problems isn't boding well for me offering that back to you. Besides, I've already hired your replacement."

That makes his heart sink. "I really just wanted to say I'm sorry for letting you and this great country down," Derek says firmly.

"I appreciate your apology, Derek," Obama says. "Is that all?"

"Yes," Derek says. "That's everything I wanted to say."

"And you came all the way to DC to say that?"

"I, yes . . . I needed it off my chest. Have you ever wanted to get something off your chest? Working for the BRAIN Initiative was my dream, and I screwed it up. I screwed everything up."

"That happens, sometimes," President Obama says. "You need to move forward, Derek. You can't trap yourself in the past. You'll get stuck, and being stuck is no fun. We need to move forward with our lives, both of us. Me, I'm looking forward to retirement so I can spend more time with my wife. Have you ever thought that DC isn't where you're supposed to be? Sometimes I feel like it's not where I'm supposed to be, believe me. But I have a country to run."

"And you've made excellent progress."

"That might be destructed if the wrong guy takes my job next," Obama sighs. "What's the point, anyway? A job is just a way to support your family. It's a way to put food on the table. The truth is, we're all replaceable, and our replacements will have no problem destroying everything we stood for. At the end of our days, it's not about the work we did. It's about who's holding our hand."

Derek stares blankly, registering the deep words of the president.

"Wow, you really feel that way? After all you've fought for?"

"Derek, there's only one person truly worth fighting for," Obama says. "I think it's time for you to leave."

* * *

Meredith doesn't know what to think about having Lizzie here and not Derek.

Part of her is relieved she doesn't have to keep up appearances for Derek anymore, she's glad she can visit Eli's nursery and cry there in peace every morning, without the risk of running into Derek. The nursery is peaceful, and it's more meaningful for her than the place where they buried Eli.

She can't bring herself to think about his little body in ashes, in the ground. The nursery feels equally like unfinished business.

Meredith closes her eyes as she caresses the crib railing one last time, and listens to the sounds of her house: Lizzie is in the kitchen, having insisted on cleaning up after lunch; Zola is in the den or the playroom, talking to her dolls in quiet but excited murmurs. She has no idea where Bailey is, but she assumes he's napping.

Taking a deep breath, Meredith resurfaces in her house, closing the nursery door with a soft click. She plops herself on the couch, realizing that Zola is indeed in the playroom. She's grateful for it, because she needs a minute to recompose herself after the nursery visit.

Her quiet time doesn't last long, because Lizzie is walking in and sitting on the opposite end of the couch only a few minutes later.

"Everything is under control," Lizzie announces, relaxing against the cushions. "How was your time in the nursery today?"

Meredith sighs, looking away from her. She shakes her head, too tired to gauge if she's mocking her or she's actually concerned. There are enough concerned people in her life, so she would almost prefer mocking.

"Have you heard from Derek?" Lizzie asks, prodding again.

"Just a couple of texts." In fact, he's been updating her almost every other hour about all his movements, but Lizzie doesn't need to know how much of a pain in the ass her twin brother is. She probably already knows.

"At least he's getting better at texting," she jokes, rolling her eyes. It puts a smile on Meredith's face.

"I'm not sure it's a good thing," Meredith says, but regrets it immediately when she sees the look on Lizzie's face.

"Meredith, – "

"Lizzie, – " she echoes, but she's cut off right away too.

"What are you guys doing? You live in the same house without even looking at each other. He comes and goes whenever he pleases, you hide in your dead son's nursery...Something is really wrong, Meredith."

Before she can retort that everything is fine, Lizzie's cellphone rings, and she rolls her eyes.

"Hold that thought, I need to take this." Lizzie literally holds up her finger to stop Meredith from talking, which makes her widen her eyes. What's with people treating her like a toddler?

"Okay, then," she mutters, as Lizzie grabs her phone.

"Hey, Louis." Her voice is completely different than the one she had before. Her tone is colder than Meredith has ever heard from her. "What? Of course I'm still at Derek's!"

Meredith feels bad. Lizzie should leave, go back to her family and kids instead of staying with them, babysitting her. Her husband has every right to call and be upset.

"Lou, I don't think sending the kids across the country is a good idea. Even before considering the reason why I'm here."

Babysitting? Meredith wants to ask, but she doesn't. She keeps hearing one half of the conversation, instead.

"Stop giving me ultimatums, Louis. I'll fly home as soon as I can."

Lizzie hangs up harshly, taking a deep breath. "Man, I miss flip phones. It was much more satisfying to hang up in your husband's face."

Meredith's lips curl up, but she knows something is wrong. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm filing for divorce when I get back to Ohio."

Her eyes widen. "You what?"

"It's not because I came here, really. It started a while ago. This is just the last straw."

"What happened?" Meredith frowns at the lack of emotion in Lizzie's tone. She looks dejected.

"He said I either come home on the flight he booked for me for tonight or we're done."

Meredith's eyes widen. "He what?"

"Of course I'm going back, but only to tell him where he can shove it. I'm getting back only for the kids."

"Liz – "

"Lou has always hated Derek. From the moment we met, they never really got along. As long as he was at every holiday he kept it civil, especially since the kids love Uncle Derek, but he's not my brother's biggest fan. When I donated my nerves to him...that was the beginning of the end."

"I'm sorry, you didn't need to – "

"Of course I did. He's my twin brother, I didn't have a moment of hesitation."

"But your family was not here."

"And my kids are all almost grown. I mean, Lily is my baby and she's eight, they can take care of themselves for a few days when their father is there."

"The recovery was long."

"And my brother can be a doctor again, it was worth it. Of course Louis can't get over the fact that Derek up and left when Addison cheated, but I just want to see how fast he'll fly out of the country as soon as he signs the divorce papers."

Meredith feels a lump of sadness grow in her throat. Lizzie's marriage is over and done for good. The bitterness in her tone is a big enough red flag to show that there's nothing salvageable from it.

Are she and Derek at the same crossroad? Is it a dead end for them?

She shivers.

While Lizzie bashes her husband so easily, Meredith still can't bring herself to do it. Part of her hates Derek and his hovering, all his texts and checking up and the babysitting schedule, but the thought of leaving him forever and ripping their family apart is almost worse. Their family is already destroyed, the question is if they can stitch it back together.

"I'll go pack my crap and actually use Lou's money to get back to Cleveland, I'll call Derek to let him know. I wish I could have stayed longer. I promise I'll come visit, though; bring the rest of the gang. I'm sure they'll love all the rain."

Lizzie has already left to pack before Meredith can get a word in edgewise.

* * *

Derek falls into his hotel bed face first, drained of all his energy. He always feels tired and sluggish lately, but after the last two days filled with meaningful conversations, he's both glad he mended some bridges and exhausted to the point of passing out.

He's glad there's an early flight out of DC he can take in the morning. It's the one he always booked and never took, but he'll get on it tomorrow. He might be able to have lunch with his family. Or well, his kids. Meredith is probably not speaking to him, still.

He might have fixed some important relationships during this trip, but he has to fix the one with his wife, now. And that will not be an easy job at all.

When his phone rings, he groans. He hopes it's Meredith, but he knows that unless she's dying, she'll never call him.

He's immediately alert when he sees it's his home phone, though. He knows it could be Zola calling to say goodnight, so he picks up quickly.

"Ha! I knew it would work!"

Derek groans when he hears his sister's voice. "Liz, hi. Is anybody dying?"

"Of course not," she says, and he can almost see her roll her eyes. "How's DC?"

"Better than expected. I'm flying back tomorrow morning. I was just about to book the flight."

"That's convenient, because I have to leave this afternoon. I have a plane at six."

"What?!" He sits up in bed, staring into space, shell-shocked for a second.

"Louis said I either get home on that plane or we're done."

"Liz –"

"Derek, I'm just going back to give him divorce papers myself. And since he's paying for the ticket, I'm more than happy to use his money instead of mine."

Derek takes a deep breath, grabbing his laptop. "I can see if there's an earlier flight, so I can come home before tonight, maybe a red eye…"

"Derek, it's fine…"

"It's not fine! Meredith will be alone. I can't leave her alone!"

Panic is rising as he types in all the possible websites for air fares. His fingers are shaking as he waits for the pages to load.

"Oh my God, you're seriously looking at flights!" Lizzie sounds amused, but he's not. He's definitely not.

Derek doesn't reply, he just hopes the pages can load quickly.

"Deep breaths, Derek," Lizzie coaches. "She will be fine alone for a few hours. You sound like an asthmatic ninety-year-old."

During any other circumstances, Derek would have welcomed his sister's humor, but not right now. He can't even hear himself breathing, honestly, he can only hear Lizzie breathing.

"You too," he jabs back, making her laugh.

"I can barely breathe because I'm packing and both my hands are busy, I'm loud because the phone is really close to me. Do I sound better now that I stopped packing?"

There's still the suspicious breathing, though. And the page is not loading. He closes his eyes and he almost wants to cry.

Then it clicks.

"Meredith," he murmurs.

"Derek, she's in the den. She'll be fine."

"No, that's not what I mean. I know she's listening to this. That's her, breathing."

"What?" Lizzie says, then he hears shuffling. He can't hear their voices distinctively, especially since the websites have loaded fully, but he can hear arguing.

"You're on speaker now. Meredith was indeed lurking." Lizzie sounds something between amused and annoyed.

He can hear his wife snort. If it were another day, he would laugh, but not today. Right now is the moment when he has proof there are no other flights between DC and Seattle before six tomorrow morning.

"I don't need a babysitter, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself." Meredith says, her voice more distant and lower than Lizzie's.

"There are no flights anyway," he says, unsure if he should have said the truth. Maybe he can find another way to go back. Obama surely would have given him one of his extra planes for an emergency, right?

"Good!" Lizzie almost cheers. "I'm glad there are no other flights."

"What? Are you nuts?"

"Of course not! She's indeed a big girl, Derek."

"But –"

"No buts. You know what you guys need? To get your shit together before it's too late! You don't need an evening flight or babysitters or me to stay here a little longer."

"Lizzie," Meredith cuts in before he can, but when his sister starts ranting, she can't be stopped.

"No, let me say this. You guys can still fix it. I let my marriage fall apart and it's on me, but you guys are still in love. Yes, you're broken, but there's love. It's not a façade like mine, the one I put up for my kids to pretend Lou and I are okay. We're not okay because even if we talk every day, we never really say anything meaningful. We discuss schedules and appointments and that's it. You guys meet in Eli's nursery and you say more things to each other without saying anything at all."

It feels like a stab wound whenever somebody mentions Eli, but here it feels like a very large, very deep knife. Right in his chest. Getting shot almost hurt less.

"Stop pretending and just face this hell you've been thrown into. You guys can make it. And if you can't, at least you'll know this is how it was supposed to be."

"Lizzie –" He wants to tell her something about her failing marriage, about not meddling, anything at all, but she leaves him no room.

"Derek, you know I love you, but you're being a jerk. Meredith, he's just trying to help."

Derek swallows thickly, his eyes misty. "I'm sorry, Liz."

"I'm not the one you should apologize to. Take your flight in the morning, Meredith and the kids will be okay."

"Alex is supposed to come over for dinner." Meredith offers as a compromise.

"Will he –"

"No, he won't stay the night, but he'll help carrying Bailey to bed. They will be fine. Right?" Lizzie speaks before Meredith can say anything.

"What about all the hours in between?"

"Bye, Derek," Lizzie says, then she cuts the conversation short.

He has a lump in his throat as he holds the silent phone in his hand, trying to steady his breathing. The idea of Meredith and the kids alone freaks him out. He should never have done this before Meredith was fully healed.

Also, he never really liked Louis, but now the guy is blacklisted. If hurting his sister wasn't enough, now he's hurting his family too, and that is out of every line.

* * *

 **Irene's A/N: Who doesn't love Lizzie? Though she surely has her own problems, uh? What do you think about Derek's decision to go back to DC, then? Was it smart or the last straw? Thank you for your patience and reading on!**


	30. Chapter 29

**Nicole's A/N: So sorry for the delay, yet again. We kind of forgot to post this. It's been written for months. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 29**

* * *

All his resolutions to work on his marriage have failed since he returned from DC. He and Meredith are still barely coexisting and ignoring one another, and he has no idea how to change it.

The more Derek tries, the more she pushes him away. He's frustrated and worried about her, and he has no idea how to speak up.

Derek switches off the stove and sighs. Meredith went to take a shower what feels like hours ago, and she still hasn't come back. He makes sure nothing is going to burn before he walks to their bathroom, to make sure she's okay.

He knocks on the door and opens it of a crack, peeking in.

"Dinner is…"

His words get lost on his tongue at the sight in front of him: Meredith is lying in the bathtub, her eyes closed, her body limp. The water has a pinkish hue that freezes the blood in his veins.

"Meredith!" he calls out, and her eyes crack open.

"What is it?" She sounds groggy, and his fears double.

Derek crouches down and grabs her hand, checking her wrist pulse.

"Let go. What are you doing?" she retorts, looking surprised as she pulls away her hand with determination.

"Are you okay?" he asks, swallowing a lump in his throat. "You're bleeding."

"Of course I'm bleeding, I cut myself shaving with the stupid old razor." She rolls her eyes. "I don't even know why I bothered shaving in the first place."

Her words are a punch in his gut as he follows the line of her leg, noticing a few small cuts on her shins and knees. Her legs are still a mile long, and as beautiful as ever. Anger is immediately replaced by worry.

"Are you okay?" he asks, and he deserves the eye-roll she gives him.

He offers his hand to help her out of the tub, but she ignores him, taking a deep breath.

"Dinner is ready," he says instead, standing up and taking the few steps that separate him from the door.

"I'll be right out," is her only answer.

As he goes back to the kitchen and tries to erase the image of Meredith's blood from his mind, he wonders how purposeful was her choice of razor, or her decision to shave in the first place.

* * *

Meredith flinches and shuts her laptop. She feels his eyes on her. She doesn't know when it happened, but it was years ago. Somehow she developed a sixth sense that could detect when Derek was in the room, watching her. Maybe it was after she nearly drowned, and he was constantly hovering her as if she might off herself at any moment.

Ever since Derek found her bleeding in the bathtub, she's felt like she drowned all over again. It was a freaking accident. How many times does she have to tell him that? All she wanted was to feel normal again for even a minute, so she thought she could start by shaving her legs. Had she known Derek would walk in after she nicked her knee, she never would have bothered.

Heck, he should be _glad_ that she was trying to return to normalcy. Instead, he has to blow it into something it's not. Typical Derek Shepherd.

She has nothing to hide on her computer. Well, other than her messages with Jack. She has a feeling Derek wouldn't be too thrilled about them. It's not like they mean anything. She just happens to find it easier to confide in a stranger than people who know her in the real world. Talking to people over the Internet never was something she thought fondly of before. She used to find it somewhat creepy, because anyone could lie about their identity. It wasn't until she found this forum and Jack that she realized how comforting it was to talk to people she didn't know. Besides, who lies about losing a baby?

* * *

Meredith always closes her laptop when she knows he's there, and Derek has no idea why. Is she hiding something? Her laptop is password protected, and he doesn't know the password. She's never shared her passwords for her personal devices. Derek doesn't know why she even has passwords; he doesn't. He has nothing to hide. It's the reason she was able to get into his Instagram account. He never told her about it, but it's always been accessible to her unlike any of her accounts are to him.

She stands up and faces him, rolling her eyes. Then she storms past him. He follows her into the living room. "You don't have to follow me everywhere I go. I don't need a babysitter," she shoots at him, grabbing the remote.

"I just wondered where you were going," he replies, trying to remain calm and collected, but she makes it so damn hard.

"I'm going into the living room to watch TV." She points the remote at the television and turns it on. She turns TiVO on and waits for Netflix to load.

"Okay, well can't I watch TV, too?"

"I'm watching Bones. You hate Bones," she says.

"I don't hate Bones," he argues.

"I seem to remember a certain someone claiming it was unrealistic," she says flatly.

"Just because it's unrealistic doesn't mean I don't like it," he insists.

Zola appears, her eyes wide when she sees the television is on. "Mommy, I wanna watch Bones with you!" Derek cringes. Yes, it's true, he's not fond of the show, but he's even less fond of his four-year-old daughter watching a show about death and gore. It's definitely not something a child should be watching. There's a reason that it's rated TV-14.

"Come on, sweetheart." Meredith motions Zola to join her on the couch, and he opens his mouth to say something, but Meredith's glare from hell stops him. The daggers in her eyes tell him that he should just let them be, as much as he wants to grab his daughter and run away with her right now to shield her from the potential violence and difficult subject matters she's about to watch. She's been watching the show with Meredith all summer, so who knows what she's already seen. He tries to stay out of the room when they're watching it, because if he hears something inappropriate he has a hard time keeping his mouth shut.

He hears Bailey crying through the baby monitor on the end table. Meredith doesn't even budge, as if she can't hear their son's cries. Derek sighs and climbs the stairs.

Bailey is lying in his bed, having just woken up from a nap. Tears stream down his flushed cheeks.

"Momma," he says.

"I'm Daddy," Derek says, knowing his son isn't calling _him_ Momma. He's calling for his mom.

"Want Momma," Bailey sobs.

Derek's heart breaks. "Momma's not here right now, but Daddy is. What's wrong, little man?" He picks Bailey up, seeing his son's diaper is soaked. Bailey's potty training has taken a hit with the recent events. He was doing so well, now all of a sudden it's like he's forgotten how to use the potty. Granted, he and Meredith haven't been as good at looking for the normal signs that "Bailey has to go," like they were before.

He changes Bailey, then takes him downstairs. Zola and Meredith are deeply engrossed in Bones at that time. Bailey desperately seeks Meredith's attention by crawling up beside her. He tries to curl up with Meredith and Zola, but Meredith slides herself and Zola to the other side of the couch, dismissing him. Then Bailey pulls Meredith's hair.

"Derek, please take him away," Meredith says sternly.

"Momma, I want Momma," Bailey sobs.

"I'm watching this show," Meredith sighs loudly.

"Yeah, go away Bailey," Zola chimes in.

Derek frowns, picking up Bailey. He hates that Meredith is treating their son like this, and he's not quite sure why. His only thought is that looking at Bailey reminds her of Eli. Even in his tiny form, Eli resembled a newborn Bailey. Maybe she feels guilty somehow? Derek can't read her. He's usually pretty good at reading her, but ever since Eli he hasn't been able to read her at all.

He takes Bailey into their bedroom, where Meredith's laptop is still on the bed closed shut. Derek sits with a crying Bailey on the bed next to the laptop. He eyes the laptop, imagining its login screen which will appear when he opens it.

But he doesn't know the password.

Maybe he can guess it.

"Hmm," he says to his son. "What do you think Mommy's password is, Bails?" He kisses the little boy's blond head.

"Passwowd," Bailey mimics, sniffling. Derek grins wiping away the little boy's tears.

"I think your mommy is more creative than that. Let's see if we can figure it out." He flips open the laptop and puts on his thinking cap.

* * *

She feels bad for how she's treating Bailey. It's not his fault that he's the living, walking, breathing creature that reminds her of the son she lost. He's a reminder everyday of how she failed Eli. How is it that Bailey is here and Eli isn't? She not only failed Eli, but she failed Bailey, too. Bailey was supposed to have a little brother, and now he doesn't. She doesn't deserve the son she has. Bailey deserves better than her.

Meredith squeezes Zola tightly as Bones examines maggot-infested corpse. Zola's a girl. She doesn't remind her of Eli every time she looks at her. Sure, she thinks of how excited Zola was to see her brother, and how letdown she was when she learned that she didn't have a brother. But . . . it's different. It's hard to explain.

She wants to apologize to Bailey for being incapable of being his mother right now.

At the end of the episode, Meredith realizes Zola is asleep. Zola generally falls asleep during the episodes, so that's one reason why she has no issues watching them with her. It's more of a comfort mechanism, an excuse to spend time together. Sometimes she stays awake long enough to ask questions, but often she gets bored and dozes off.

She leaves sleeping Zola on the couch and goes to see where Derek and Bailey ended up. Partially, so she doesn't run into them unexpectedly. She likes to know where they're at, so she's not taken off guard. If she's lucky, she'll hear them without having to go into the room to disturb them and they won't know she knows where they're at.

She hears them. They're in the bedroom. Though, she hears something she doesn't like. "We're locked out. Great. Maybe this isn't such a smart idea, huh? Mommy would kill us if she knew what we're up to."

"Why would I kill you?" Meredith storms into the room, her heart beating heavily in her chest, and she's baffled by the sight before her: Derek sitting on the bed with Bailey on his lap, and her laptop propped in front of them. "What the _hell_ are you doing, Derek Christopher Shepherd?!"

"I thought you were watching Bones," Derek says, looking up at her with his guilty blue eyes.

"Episode's over. Zola's asleep. I heard your voice down the hall. _Why_ are you trying to hack into my computer?"

"First off, it's not hacking. If I were hacking, I'd already be in . . . "

"Why are you trying to guess my password?! Obviously, you don't trust me. That's why you're always hovering over me. What are you expecting to find on there, anyway? Forum posts documenting my addiction to self-harm? A suicidal letter? Seriously, Derek?! What is flipping wrong with you?!"

Derek's hands cover their son's ears. "Please, Mer, not in front of our son."

Meredith rolls her eyes. "Why don't you just go back to work? Seriously, I'm fine here. I'm not plotting to kill myself. I'm not stabbing myself with razors. I'm perfectly fine . . . "

"Perfectly fine, huh? I don't think so," Derek says, raising his voice. "You're not fine! All you do is sit around on this computer, until I come in the room then you slam the computer shut and watch TV. You don't do anything besides that. Of course I'm worried about you! You won't have a conversation with me. You never want to go outside. Whenever I suggest we go somewhere, you refuse. You won't look at Bailey, God knows why. Meredith, you're depressed. You need help. You need to see a therapist and maybe get some meds. Depression is a serious issue. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain, and . . . "

"Shut your mouth now, Derek," Meredith seethes, her blood boiling from Derek's accusations. "I seriously need you to go back to being a neurosurgeon instead of someone who _thinks_ he's my therapist. If you don't think I'm capable of caring for my own children, then send them to daycare."

"And leave you here alone? You're kidding me."

"Derek, there's absolutely no reason for you to stay home with me now. I'm not glued to a bed twenty-four-seven anymore. If you don't trust me, then leave the kids here, for crying out loud, and call one of the babysitters! I don't care. I just need you to stop breathing down my neck. You're suffocating me! I can't stand being treated like I'm some mental case. If we're ever going to get back to a normal routine of any kind, you have to go back to being a neurosurgeon."

"And me going back to work is suddenly going to make everything okay?" Derek huffs. "You're going to stop moping around the house? Meredith, it's not that easy. You really should talk to someone."

"I'll go to therapy if you go back to work," Meredith lets slip from her lips. She'll say anything to get her husband to shut up at this point. She stares at him, feeling desperate. "Is that good enough for you?"

* * *

 **Irene's A/N: So yeah, I'm not even living in the same state where I wrote that chapter, so I think most of the forgetfulness might come from me. Not an excuse, but I think it's a pretty good comeback, right? We'll try to be better for the next chapters. Thank you for reading, in spite of everything else!**


	31. Chapter 30

**Irene's A/N: Back so soon? Believe it! What will happen after that final ultimatum last chapter? Keep reading to find out!**

* * *

 **Chapter 30**

* * *

Meredith wastes no time keeping her end of the deal. She can't wait to have Derek out of her hair for at least a few hours. If any luck, he'll catch a big case on his first day and be out of her hair for hours. Maybe a gigantic tumor resection. Could she get so lucky?

She calls Dr. Wyatt, who's still programmed in her phone, and sets up an appointment for bright and early the next morning. Seven o'clock to be precise, so she'll be the first one on Dr. Wyatt's schedule. Dr. Wyatt's prior appointment had cancelled, otherwise there's no way Meredith would have gotten a pre-work slot. Everyone knows the post-work slots - the ones between four and seven - never cancel, otherwise Meredith would have tried to get in the moment she bargained with Derek.

She's not looking forward to therapy, since she knows the drill. Been there, done that. Supposedly Dr. Wyatt made her all whole and healed before, so maybe she'll be able to do it this time, too. Meredith doubts it. She knows there's no coming back from it this time.

"I getsa see Sofia!" Zola sings in the car on the ride to the hospital. She's been rambling about how much she's missed her daycare friends, especially Sofia, ever since they told her she would be going to daycare with her brother today. At least someone in the Grey-Shepherd household is happy about this arrangement.

Meredith has never seen Derek look so unhappy about going to work, other than perhaps when he first turned down the president's offer and went on and on about how he was giving up everything for her; all because she refused to uproot her family to DC. Yep, that's the only time he looked more miserable than he does now.

"You have to be excited about cutting into a brain," she says. "I would kill to cut into something right now. It'll be good for you to de-stress."

Derek frowns, and she realizes he's probably thinking that's why she cut herself yesterday. Her husband thinks she's a secret cutter, and that makes her sick. But there's nothing she can do when her own husband doesn't trust her.

"Who says I'm stressed?" Derek says through his teeth.

"We're grieving. Grief is stress. You can be so dense sometimes, Derek."

"You sound like my mother," Derek replies.

"Is that supposed to be an insult or a compliment?" Meredith rolls her eyes. Considering Derek sent his mother across the country in tears, she's guessing an insult. He says nothing.

* * *

Derek chooses not to reply, mainly because he's not sure how to even respond to that one. Sometimes he swears Meredith is intentionally trying to pick a fight. But she's right about one thing: grief is stress. Cutting might be the stress relief he needs. Cutting is therapeutic.

Meredith sure knows. His gut tightens thinking of her word choice, and he can't stop himself from wondering if her words choice has deeper meaning than the obvious.

They drop the kids off at daycare. Zola barely gives them a hug goodbye. However, Bailey starts throwing a tantrum the minute they start to leave. It breaks his heart to leave his son after being with him constantly for the past several weeks apart from the couple days he was in DC. He's forgotten what it's like to be apart from the kids and Meredith.

Meredith scurries to the elevator before he can follow her, and it's closed by the time he catches up to her.

He's here to work, right?

So he heads to the laundry for a fresh pair of scrubs.

* * *

Derek changes into a pair of navy blue scrubs, as he would any other work day. Even though it's been weeks since he's worn them, they still feel the same. Maybe a little tighter-his mother's cooking may have added a few pounds to him. He's always been a stress eater, too. While Meredith avoids food when she's stressed, stress brings out his unhealthy habits. He hasn't always been a health-nut. There was a point in his life he lived off junk food and coffee in styrofoam cups. Then one day he realized he had to change his lifestyle, or he was going to end up ten thousand pounds. Not everyone is lucky to have Meredith's metabolism.

He heads toward his office, only to remember it's not his office anymore. He reads the new name tag on the door. It still says Dr. Shepherd . . . _Dr. Amelia Shepherd_.

"What are you doing here?" a familiar voice startles him. Amelia.

"Um . . . looking for a surgery," he says. He doesn't confess that he'd forgot that she was his boss now.

"Does Owen know you're back? He didn't mention that you were returning to work." Amelia crosses her arms, and for a moment she looks nothing like his sister. Even though she's technically been his boss for the past several months, he's still never fully accepted it. He's just gone along with the motions so he can be in Seattle with Meredith. Honestly, he hates the idea of being bossed around by his baby sister.

"I don't need his permission to work at my hospital. I am a board member," he replies curtly.

"Oh? Well, funny 'cause Owen is the Chief of Surgery, last I checked," Amelia says. "And I am the Head of Neuro, so typically, you know, a subordinate would inform their bosses prior to coming to work. At least, that's what I thought."

He clenches his fists, feeling disgusted at Amelia's mention of _Owen_. After all, his sister's relationship with the _Chief of Surgery_ is the reason that he hasn't been at work in the first place. Owen fucking Hunt is the reason Meredith isn't pregnant anymore.

"So you and Hunt are still screwing, I take it," Derek says through his teeth. He feels like he could puke. "Actually, don't answer that. I'm going to go find an aneurysm to clip or something." He strolls down the hallway, away from Amelia.

"Derek, don't you dare step into an OR without first talking to Owen!" his sister hollers after him.

He doesn't need Owen Hunt's permission to do a damn thing.

* * *

Derek heads to the ER, feeling like a damn intern or something. It's the middle of July, so the new interns have started. However, he recognizes most the faces he passes - nurses, orderlies, the like - and they all recognize him. Even the new interns seem to know him. Everyone looks sullen when he passes by, but none of them say a single word to him. They'll probably save that for the nurses' station. He's pretty sure he's heard a few whispers.

Let them say whatever they want to say, he thinks. He doesn't have time for gossip or petty drama. He has a job to do.

Only a few moments after he enters the ER, he spots Callie and some paramedics rolling in their newest patient. "Male. 25. Severe blow to the head."

"Page Neuro."

Music to his ears. Maybe he'll get something more exciting than an aneurysm on his first day back in weeks. "Neuro's right here!" he announces, and Callie turns sharply toward him.

"You're back!" she exclaims.

"I'm back. What do we have here?" Derek asks, and his heart stops when he looks at the patient - he definitely has a severe blow to the head. He looks like someone beat the crap out of him - eyes swollen shut, bruises all over his face. He could easily have severe brain damage. "Let's get him up to CT," Derek says before Callie responds.

Callie nods. "Agreed."

Their unconscious John Doe, who was discovered by a couple joggers in the woods without any ID, turns out to have a severe hemorrhage in his brain as well as several broken bones. Someone definitely beat him up and left him to die. Derek and Callie will need to work together to correct the damage this person did.

"What's your guess? Drug deal gone wrong?" Callie offers.

"Maybe he was screwing someone's wife," Derek says.

"Ouch. Could be. Hell, you beat the life out of Mark after he just looked at Meredith," Callie recalls. _And ran when he caught him in the throes with Addison,_ Derek remembers. "Hey, speaking of Mer, how is she?" Callie asks as they walk into the scrub room.

"She's . . . fine," Derek hesitates, not sure if Meredith would like him telling people she's in therapy right now. Even if she makes him madder than hell, he knows he has to respect her privacy. "Actually, that's why I'm back. She doesn't really need me to take care of her anymore. She'll probably be back in a week or two." He says the last sentence without thinking, but physically she should be well enough to come back to work in a couple weeks. He can't imagine why she wouldn't want to come back to work. After all, returning to work is the only way they can start to heal. She's right about that.

"Good. I've been thinking about you guys," Callie says.

They both scrub in, and proceed with the surgery.

Derek doesn't have any idea how much time has passed when the door opens and Owen Hunt appears with a mask cover in his face.

"Shepherd," Hunt says sharply. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm operating. What does it look like?" Derek responds. _Amelia tattled on him_ , he thinks, clenching his jaw, trying to ignore Owen. The last thing he needs on his first day back is to mess up a patient's brain even more than it already is.

"Shepherd, I'm going to need to have a word with you outside," Owen says.

"I have a brain open on the table. This patient is in critical condition. I can't just step away . . . "

"Derek, I've got it." He hears his sister's voice and looks up to see her walking out of the scrub room.

This is a fucking joke.

"Derek, hand me your scalpel," Amelia says sternly.

He practically throws it at her and storms into the hall with Owen. "What the hell?" he fuels. "You can't just kick me out of _my_ surgery."

"You can't just come back to work without telling me!" Owen yells. Two nurses passing by turn their heads at them. Fortunately, they're smart enough to keep walking. Nonetheless, Derek is sure he'll be the center of the nurses' station gossip today, as if he and Meredith weren't already. Not that he gives a crap. Owen proceeds to yell at him. "I'm your boss, and you're my subordinate. Therefore, you need to tell me when you're planning on returning from a lengthy leave. It's common sense, Shepherd."

"I'm a board member. This hospital belongs to me. I think I can do whatever I want, and let's not forget that I've been here longer than you. I think I'm entitled to do whatever the hell I want . . . "

"Not if you want to get paid," Owen interjects. "Honestly, Derek, if you can't treat me like your boss, then you have no business being here. I'm going to have to suspend you until you can talk to me with the dignity and respect that I deserve."

"Most bosses don't fuck on their subordinate's couches. Maybe I should call a board meeting to discuss that," Derek yells back, but the truth is he's fine with being suspended. He can't bear to look at Owen right now.

Every time he looks at Owen, he sees the man who was half-naked on his couch that night. And the next thing he sees is his wife bleeding on the floor, only hours away from prematurely delivering their son. That's all he sees when he sees Owen. He doesn't see his boss, or even a human being.

He sees . . . a baby killer.

Owen's face whitens. "If that's what you really want."

Derek scoffs, walking away from his son's killer.

* * *

The fish are different.

The tank in Dr. Wyatt's office still has tropical, colorful fish, but Meredith can't recognize any of them. It feels like a lifetime ago since she has sat on this very same couch, after all.

The rest of the room mostly looks the same, only a few pictures here and there are different. Dr. Wyatt's kids in the picture on her desk surely look older. The shrink herself has a few more lines on her face and looks slightly more worn out, but the change is minimal.

"While you are a completely different person now, I see that you haven't changed much," Dr. Wyatt says, amusement in her tone.

Meredith's eyes glance at the clock to see that she's been studying her office for the last ten minutes in silence. Nothing new there.

"I'm here only because it was the only way to get Derek out of the house and back to work."

"Why is that?"

Meredith sighs. "He thinks I'm going to off myself if he's not there. What did he say...clinically depressed? He even mentioned chemical imbalances in the brain to make himself look smarter."

"I see." Dr. Wyatt's hum is familiar, just like the way she's scribbling on her pad.

God, she hates that. She hates how every little utterance that comes out of her mouth is being analyzed for clues.

"Do you want to off yourself?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"Of course not." Meredith rolls her eyes. At least Dr. Wyatt seems satisfied with her answer, because she doesn't prod more.

More silence stretches, but Meredith doesn't mind it. She tries to empty her brain of all the negative thoughts and the sadness, but it doesn't really seem to work. Flickers of Eli and grief jump around, so she forces herself to think about something else.

She tries to guess how Dr. Wyatt's life has changed in the years she hasn't been her patient, making up stories to keep herself from revealing her own. She has plenty of clues from her office alone. Meredith does know though that Dr. Wyatt will deflect any personal questions if she asks, with obvious reasons.

Meredith can't wait to be back home, especially since she knows Derek won't be there. She'll probably miss Zola's company, but at least there will be peace and quiet.

"You know, I was expecting you to come here as soon as you adopted your daughter," Dr. Wyatt interrupts her thoughts, with a small smile on her face.

"What, me storming in saying I was incapable of being a good mother?"

"Something like that." Dr. Wyatt's smile is sincere though, almost as if she believes she is a good mother. Even if she's not.

"I thought about doing that once or twice, but Zola kept me too busy."

Dr. Wyatt laughs. "Oh, I remember when I had my first. That was overwhelming."

"How old is he, now?"

"He's twenty-three, he's in grad school. All my babies are off to college. It's so strange being just me and my husband again."

Meredith's mind wanders for a second at the time her children will be off to college, wondering if she'll be still married by then. From the looks of it at the moment, she has serious doubts. It makes her think, though, if it would be easier for her to just be by herself. She's been alone her whole life, after all, maybe this is how she's supposed to be. The lack of hovering would certainly be nice.

Yet, she wants to fight until the end to give her children a different kind of family than the one she grew up in. The end does feel very near, though.

A timer buzzes and Dr. Wyatt's pose relaxes.

"Okay, Meredith. Our time is up. I'll see you in a couple of days, then, okay?"

"Yeah." She nods. Maybe booking two sessions a week was not such a good idea.

She's eager to get out of here and go home to enjoy the silence.

As soon as the door opens, though, she groans at who she sees sitting in the waiting chairs.

"What are you doing here?" she asks when her eyes meet Derek's.

He's slumped on the chair, looking dejected and sad, though she can clearly detect a glint of anger in his pose. His fists are clenched and his shoulders tight, but the main reason she can spot his anger is the mess that is his hair. And that's saying something, considering that Derek has barely taken care of his hair and beard lately.

"Just waiting for you," he says, and she can detect a lingering anger in his tone, too. "You done?" he adds, curtly.

"Yes." Her reply is just as curt. "Why are you waiting for me instead of working?"

"Because I can't work. Apparently I'm suspended until I can give Hunt 'the respect he deserves'," he says, his voice mocking Owen's. This side of Derek is expected, yet foreign.

"Great." Sarcasm drips out of her instead of all the anger she feels at him. She was looking forward to being alone and without him for a little longer, she's not ready to start the avoiding again. Her brain can't take it. "I guess you're going home alone, because I already arranged for a ride."

Derek sighs loudly. "Meredith –"

It's not really true that she has a ride, but she needs an excuse. "I'll see you later."

She storms off as fast as her healing body can manage, hoping the lie will hold up. At this point, she's ready to even walk to her house if it means having some Derek-free time. She does want to get out of here, though.

Her first place she thinks of going is her old house. Meredith checks the surgical board to realize that Alex is not working, unfortunately. The nurses at the desk confirm that he should not be in the hospital anymore, so she texts him to confirm. His reply doesn't come fast enough, so she needs a different solution. She doesn't want to run into Derek again, so she needs to act fast.

She's crossing the entry lobby and pondering if she should just hail a cab when she spots Jo Wilson rummaging through her bag, clearly looking ready to leave.

"Wilson!" she says, moving faster to catch up with her.

"Dr. Grey!" she exclaims, her eyes widening slightly. "What are you doing here?"

"Just a check up." Meredith shrugs. "Are you going home?"

"Yeah, finally. How are you feeling?"

"Good, good. Improving every day," she says, clearly dismissing the issue. "Would you mind giving me a ride there?" Meredith asks, knowing that she has to sweet her way to the resident, though. "It's Derek's first day back and he drove me in, since I'm not allowed to drive yet; I don't want to wait for him for hours."

"I…" Jo hesitates, her eyes widening slightly.

"Oh, not to my house. Alex said I could crash there whenever, so Derek knows he should pick me up there when he's done." Meredith can clearly see the relief in her face, though there's still something else she can't place.

"Alright. Alex should be home already, his surgery was postponed so he already left."

Meredith smiles. She can't wait to see Alex.

* * *

After one of the most awkward car rides of her life, Meredith is grateful she can hear laughter coming from inside the house.

When the door opens, they can see Maggie lying on the couch with a half-full bowl of popcorn in her lap, while Alex is sitting on the armchair, laughing freely. Maggie throws a few kernels at him and Alex laughs even more loudly.

Meredith smiles. She almost forgot Maggie was staying with Alex for the time being as she recovers from the surgery. It makes her smile, seeing how well her best friend and her sister are getting along. She's also glad Maggie can have some company during her recovery, because she clearly remembers the boredom after donating her own liver.

Her hand instinctively goes to rest over the scar, grateful to be alive, and yet trying to push away the grief.

"Hey!" Alex shouts, trying to recompose himself. "Hey, Mer! What brings you here?"

"My idiot husband?" She smiles, moving closer.

"Hey, Mer! How are you feeling?" Maggie asks, clearly seeing that the issue she lightly brought up needs more digging.

"Getting better. How about you?"

"I still feel like I'm an old lady."

"That takes a bit to go away. You look good, though."

Maggie's smile is proof that she's feeling good. Jo instead is not smiling at all.

"I'll be asleep so you three keep it down," Jo says, putting a frown on Alex's face.

Before Alex can reply, Jo is already stomping upstairs, while the other three people stare at her retreating in silence.

"Sorry. I guess she doesn't like people having fun after a thirty-six-hour shift."

"Who does?" Maggie says, but she looks suddenly uncomfortable.

Alex motions to the other armchair so Meredith can sit. She has no plans of moving out of here anytime soon.

* * *

Derek is at a total loss now. His wife has just vanished to God knows where. Following her is pointless, he knows. If Meredith wants to disappear, she'll disappear. And that's what scares him the most.

He remembers the time she took off with Zola, back before she was officially their daughter. The social worker was trying to take her away from them, and Meredith just bolted. She knows a thing or two about disappearing, and with a mother like Ellis Grey . . .

Meredith wouldn't.

He knows Meredith would never take Zola and Bailey away and disappear.

Would she?

His stomach tightens as he thinks of his children safely in daycare.

"Derek?" Dr. Wyatt says. He only then realizes that the door to the therapist's office is open, and Dr. Wyatt is standing behind him. "You don't look so good. Would you like to come in and have a seat?"

He's about to say no, that he has to go find out where his wife's at, or at least make sure his kids are okay. But then he realizes the fact that he would even consider his wife disappearing with Zola and Bailey means something is seriously wrong. Maybe talking to Dr. Wyatt isn't such a bad idea.

He follows Dr. Wyatt's motion to enter, and he takes a seat on her couch.

"So, Derek. How are you today?"

She's just spoken to Meredith, so she knows all about how fucked up his marriage is right now. Does she have to ask that question?

"What kind of question is that?" he asks. "I mean, obviously I'm just great. Surely you just overheard my wife refusing to come home with me in the hall. And you probably heard that I'm suspended too."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dr. Wyatt prods, neither confirming nor denying his accusations.

"Not really," he admits. Talking is not his strong suit. He hates talking. Meredith, on the other hand, loves to ramble . . . to everyone except him. "My wife won't talk to me, and she's the person I need to talk to. Yet, she won't talk to me."

"Okay, then. Why don't we pretend I'm Meredith. What would you say to me if I were your wife right now?"

He hasn't gotten that far, yet.

"I don't know," he admits.

"I see," Dr. Wyatt says.

"It's just . . . when I came back from DC, the first time, I was determined to improve our communication skills. And it worked for a while, but then we lost Eli . . . and now it's like none of that matters. Nothing we were working toward matters. It's like we were only together for the baby, and now there's no baby thanks to Owen."

"Owen? Chief of Surgery Owen?"

"This is all his fault, and now he thinks he can suspend me to keep my mouth shut," Derek says.

"I feel like I'm missing something," Dr. Wyatt says, looking puzzled.

"Apparently the nurses only gossip about me and Meredith," Derek says.

"Hey, I don't pay attention to the nurses' gossip. I don't like gossip."

"Me neither," Derek sighs.

"How does Owen play into this, then? What's his fault?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

Before Derek can answer, his phone buzzes. He recognizes the number immediately - it's the hospital daycare. "I have to take this, sorry," he says, his heart racing. "This is Derek Shepherd," he answers.

"Hi, Derek. This is Miss Kelly from daycare. I'm here with Bailey, and we have a little bit of a situation. Do you think you or Dr. Grey could come down?"

"What's going on with Bailey? Is he okay?" He doesn't want to reveal to Miss Kelly that he has no idea where his wife is, but he's relieved that the kids are still in daycare.

"Well, he's had a little accident."

"Accident? Is he hurt? Is he in surgery?" Worst-case scenarios run through his head.

"No, no. Nothing like that. He's dropped his pants and peed everywhere."

"He _what_?" Bailey has been doing well with potty training. Granted, he's had a few more accidents since Lizzie left. Derek blames the fact that Meredith isn't paying enough attention to him.. But dropping his pants? That's nothing like Bailey. Then again, he is approaching that age - the terrible twos. Derek shudders, remembering his nephews at two. "I'll be right there," he tells Miss Kelly.

* * *

When he reaches the daycare room, Derek can see a janitor mopping the floor, and his son sitting in a corner, looking at the ground, while one of the teachers is talking to him in a soft tone Derek can't hear.

Luckily, his son is wearing pants.

When Bailey looks up, his eyes light up, only to dull again; he lowers his gaze to the floor once more, tugging at Derek's heartstrings.

"Dr. Shepherd!" The daycare teacher looks relieved to see him. For the life of him, he can't remember her name, though, so he only smiles. "We're sorry to pull you out of work, but…"

Derek realizes only then that he's still in his scrubs. He shrugs. "Don't worry, I was not particularly busy."

"Is this behavior just a one-time event or has it been happening a lot?" the teacher asks, eyeing him with a look that makes Derek's blood boil in his veins. She's judging him, and he's been judged enough for one day.

"We haven't had the easiest few weeks, lately. I'm sure the gossip mill has filled you in." His voice is sharp, and the teacher has the decency to blush slightly.

"I understand, Dr. Shepherd."

"I'll make sure it won't happen again."

The teacher doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't care. He can't care.

"Daddy!"

When Derek turns around, Zola is bouncing up and down, the most beautiful of smiles on her face. Some of his anger dissipates. "Hey, Lovebug."

"Is it time to leave, already?" Zola says, a small frown appearing on her brow. "'Cause I played with Sofia for two seconds!"

"We...Yes, I'm afraid we have to leave." Derek hates disappointing his daughter, but there's no way out.

"Mommy can take me home. You and Bails go and we stay."

"She doesn't have a car, Zozo."

"Where's Mommy? She knows how to do this."

Derek is appalled by his daughter's certainty, but then again, he has no idea what Zola has heard lately coming from his and Meredith's mouth.

"Where is Mommy?" Zola echoes, when it takes Derek too long to reply.

"That's a good question, kiddo." Derek sighs, checking his phone, hoping it would chirp with a new text message from Meredith, yet knowing it won't.

"Daddy, I no want to leave. I wanna stay."

"Zola, sweetheart, we have to go home."

"I don't want to. I wanna play with Sofia!" Her frown is marked and angry now, her eyes darker with stubbornness.

Derek exhales loudly, his eyes falling on Bailey, who hasn't moved a muscle since he has arrived. His perfect family has turned into a nightmare, and he feels like he's one of the main reasons why. He swallows thickly, trying to keep his composure, even though he only wants to break. He's tired of grief, sneaking up on him at the worst times. He can't keep living like this.

Before he can start thinking of a solution, his phone rings and he hopes it's Meredith.

Obviously, it's not her, but it's Alex, so maybe it is her, in a way.

"Hey, Derek," Alex says, his voice calm and relaxed, the opposite of Derek's mood.

"Alex, what's up? Is Meredith…"

"She's here, at the house. Jo gave her a ride. I told her she can hang out with Maggie and me for a bit, then I'll take her back home before dinner. Is that okay?"

"Yes, whatever," he says, and at this point it is really whatever. If Meredith wants to be reckless, she's welcome to. Maybe at least for this one time it won't fall on his shoulders. He's tired of always doing the wrong thing.

"Hi, Uncle Alex!" Zola butts in, smiling again.

"Is that Zola?" Alex smiles.

"Yeah. She's trying to compromise more time here to play with Sofia."

"Uncle Alex, can you pick me up later?" She shouts into the phone, and Derek shushes her, a finger in front of his lips. Zola pouts.

"I can swing by the hospital later and get her when I take Meredith home," Alex suggests, and Derek thinks that maybe it's the only solution. "It won't be more than a couple of hours."

"Okay. Yes. I am taking Bailey home, though. It's best."

"That's settled. I'll see you later, then."

Derek hangs up, exhaling again. "Uncle Alex will pick you up later. I will leave with Bailey and see you at the house, okay?"

Zola grins brightly. "Thank you, Daddy! I'll go play!"

Before he can say goodbye, Zola has already disappeared back in her room.

"Okay, Bailey, time to get back home."

Bailey doesn't budge, though. He keeps staring at his feet, barely looking up when Derek sits right at his feet. Derek pokes his knee, then rubs his cheek.

"I'm not mad, Bails. What you did was wrong, and you should never, ever do it again, but it happens to make mistakes. I'm disappointed about what you did, but I still love you."

Bailey finally looks up, his eyes still sad, then flings himself into Derek's lap. Derek holds him tightly, but not as tightly as Bailey is holding him. He also notices Bailey is now wearing a pull-up diaper again.

Derek rubs his back vigorously, trying to stand up. He manages, even though they almost topple to the ground. Finally, Bailey smiles.

"I love you so much, Bailey. Even when we're too busy to say it, Mommy and I love you very much."

Bailey doesn't let go of his vice grip until they are in the car. And as soon as he gets home, Bailey keeps clinging to him wherever he goes. Derek lets him be, needing the closeness just as much.

They sit on the couch for a long time, just holding each other. Derek talks in a slow voice, making up a story to see if Bailey can catch up with the nap he missed, and while his son is not falling asleep, he's boneless on him. Except his little hands. His fingers are white from holding onto him so tightly.

It's not supposed to be like this. Bailey is not supposed to be afraid of letting go of him this much. Every little piece of the wonderful life he had is splintering at the seams, and nothing he does seems to keep it together. Yet, he knows giving up is not an option.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: How's that for an update? I wouldn't get so used to such quick updates, but we read your comments regarding how it feels like there hasn't been much progress - and we totally get it, especially since there was such a gap between updates. I hope you guys feel like you got a little more progress in this chapter. Baby steps. Let us know your thoughts - we love reading your feedback.**


	32. Chapter 31

**Irene's A/N: Welcome back! We are getting closer and closer to where we started off in the prologue, and life is slowly going back to normal. Or is it? Read on to find out!**

* * *

 **Chapter 31**

* * *

The day of Meredith's six-week follow-up appointment finally arrives. If everything goes well, she'll be able to return to work. She has an appointment with Dr. Bailey at eight-thirty and then a therapist appointment at nine-thirty. Then she has every intention of hitting the operating room.

"You're suspended. Don't you think it's a wise idea that you stay far away from the hospital? Unless you want to man up and apologize to Owen," Meredith tells Derek as she puts on her eyeliner. It's the first time she's worn makeup since Eli died, and it feels good. It feels good to be on her feet again.

"Apologize? You don't actually think I should _apologize_ , do you? Come on, Meredith, after what he did . . . "

She rolls her eyes. Meredith knows what happened to Eli isn't Owen's fault, and she hates that Derek blames him. It's easier for Derek to push the blame onto someone else, and Owen is an easy target because he was there that night. She wishes Derek would cut the guy some slack.

"Well, there's a good chance he might be your future brother-in-law, so you might as well get over it," she says, reaching for her hairbrush. She stares at herself in the mirror, debating what to do with her hair. She's worn it in a bun for weeks, but today she wants to leave it down. Her hair has grown a lot in six weeks - she's due for a trim. Another thing to add to her list of a zillion things that need done once she's cleared for normal activity and no longer needs a chaperone to get around Seattle.

Derek scoffs. "I hated Lizzie's husband from the beginning, and look how that turned out."

"Lizzie's husband sounds lovely," Meredith says sarcastically. "You know, you should be happy for Owen and Amelia. They've both had it rough with relationships."

"Owen cheated on Cristina! How can you possibly be okay with him being with my sister? And you've said it yourself, Cristina was the love of Owen's life - that makes Amy his rebound, and that is unacceptable."

"Amelia's a big girl, Derek," Meredith says hotly. "Now, let's go." She would have called Alex or Amelia to pick her up, but both of them had surgeries they couldn't reschedule. Maggie started back to work a few days ago, so she wasn't a viable option. She is stuck with Derek, even though she has is sure she can drive just fine. After she's cleared, she won't have to worry about who's driving her to her appointments.

* * *

Meredith makes Derek stay in the parking lot when she goes inside for her appointment. After all, he is suspended. Derek is begrudged about not coming in with her. "I'll text you when I'm done," Meredith promises. One of the babysitters is home with the kids; Meredith and Derek decided it would be best to keep Bailey out of daycare for the time-being after his little accident. It's about the only thing they've agreed on in recent weeks.

Meredith hates punishing Zola for Bailey's behavior, but it doesn't make sense to bring her to daycare while they have a sitter at home. Luckily, Zola loves the babysitter, so she didn't even mention Sofia and daycare when they told her the sitter was coming to watch her and her brother while Mommy and Daddy went to the hospital. It's all she's talked about since they let her go last week, so it's a relief. Instead, she was rambling about how much she missed her sitter.

Maybe all they need is a little bit of normalcy and everything else will fall into place.

The exam goes smoothly, and it's music to Meredith's ears when she hears the anticipated, "Everything looks good," from Dr. Bailey.

"So I'm cleared to go back to work?" she presses.

"Physically, there's no reason you can't resume normal activity. You know the drill, Grey. Ease back into it; don't jump on a nine-hour surgery your first day back," Dr. Bailey replies. "Of course, you should only work if you're ready. After everything you've been through…"

"Oh, I'm ready. I've been ready. I'm a surgery junkie. Cutting is the only way I maintain my sanity," Meredith says sharply.

Feeling determined, she calls Derek and tells him he can go home, no need to wait for her, since she's cleared.

She's ready to cut.

But first, therapy.

Her therapy session goes as well as can be expected from therapy. She's happy to tell Dr. Wyatt that she's been cleared by Dr. Bailey. She's not required to have a psych evaluation since she's been going to therapy on her free will, so she's not worried about Dr. Wyatt telling her she's not mentally ready to cut. Dr. Wyatt doesn't comment much on her return to work, other than asking her how she feels.

Meredith tells her she's ready for everything to finally be normal again.

* * *

Derek has already called the babysitter to tell her they won't be home until evening. Meredith isn't aware of this, but he'd already asked the sitter if she would be willing to watch the kids until the evening since Derek had anticipated Meredith would be cleared for surgery today. While Meredith was at her follow-up appointment, he'd found a pair of scrubs to change into. Nothing compares to a fresh pair of scrubs.

However, he knows Owen won't be happy if he sees him.

So, he'll find Owen Hunt first and ask _nicely_ if he can return to work, since Meredith is working. It's not fair if Meredith can cut and he can't.

God, he needs a good surgery to release the tension in his shoulders right now.

Owen isn't in his office, so Derek heads down to the ER. With any luck, Owen is there, being the trauma junkie that he is.

It's not Owen he sees, though; it's Meredith. Her eyes stare directly at him.

"What are you doing here?" she demands. "You're supposed to be at home until you grow a pair of balls and apologize to Hunt. And, I know you, you can hold a grudge until the end of time."

"I'm looking for Hunt right now, actually," Derek says, feeling the stab of his wife's daggers.

* * *

Meredith stares Derek down. "That I will not believe until I see it with my own eyes. And I have better things to do than follow you around to check."

She sees Derek's mouth widen to reply, but before he can say anything some nurse she doesn't recognize says quickly: "Incoming, bed three."

Just like that, the dance of surgery resumes for Meredith.

She leaves Derek behind and reaches her patient, clearing her mind to find her focus. She wants to be on top of her game from the very first case. Each patient deserves her best, no matter what she's been through.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Grey," Meredith says, tasting the sweet title before her name all over again. It feels so foreign to say that again, yet, internally, she's smiling brightly. She's as excited and as jittery as her first day as a fellow. It feels big, to be back. Big and good. Work will keep her mind busy, away from thoughts of Eli and grief and sadness. Away from hover-y Derek. Work will keep the ball rolling.

"I need my shoes," the man says, clearly agitated. There's blood coming out of his forehead, as the paramedics transfer him to the hospital bed.

"Martin Davis, 65, car crash, probable abdominal trauma, he's been blabbering nonsense from the minute we picked him up. Rest of the car crash victims are on the way," the paramedic sprouts, and Meredith collects her bearings quickly. Looks like it will be a busy day, and she's already excited.

"Mr. Davis, please stay still," Meredith says, as she tries to start her exam.

"Call my horse, they can sing. My horse!" He screams. Meredith already suspects a head injury.

"Somebody page Neuro!" she shouts, as she notices a possible rib fracture.

"My horse!" Mr. Davis screams again.

"I'd suggest a test for substance abuse, too," Jo Wilson suggests, as she joins in on the case. While Meredith is not overjoyed it's Wilson shadowing her for the day, she rejoices it's not Edwards.

"My horse knows I'm not drunk!" Mr. Davis shouts again, then starts flailing his arms around.

* * *

Derek tries avoiding running interference with Meredith and her new patient on her first day back, but when the patient starts yelling and Derek hears his wife yelling for someone to page Neuro, he can't stop himself from butting in. No sense in bothering Amelia or one of the other neurosurgeons when he's right there and perfectly capable of examining the patient himself. Something clearly isn't right with the guy. Derek intends to order a CT right away. Maybe a tumor is a source of his anger and confusion. He feels giddy at the thought of removing a gigantic teratoma.

"Mr. Davis, you need to stay still or you could hurt yourself more," Meredith says, her voice calm and collected. Derek smiles proudly at his wife's way with patients. She's always been good at staying calm, even in the most stressful situations.

"'M not staying still! You need to sing my ho...my wife!" he shouts, anger replacing his frustrations. Both Meredith and Wilson try to keep him still, but it seems beyond them. Derek's smile quickly fades.

"Sir, calm down," he says, grabbing one of Mr. Davis' arms to keep him still.

The problem is, he can't quite catch Mr. Davis' hand before it collides with Meredith's cheek.

* * *

For a second, Meredith's world blurs and spins, and then she feels the hard, cold surface of the floor under her cheek. She blinks away the blurriness, only to come face to face with Derek's wide eyes.

Even though she feels a little dizzy, she gets up just to avoid a thorough neurological check from her husband. If she says something he'd be capable of sending her up for a useless CT, as hypochondriac as he's become when her health is concerned.

"I'm okay!" she says, staggering on her feet, leaning against the empty gurney as she sees a nurse and Jo moving a now sedated Mr. Davis to a trauma room.

"Meredith –"

She cuts Derek off before he can say anything. "Let's get back to work."

The glare she gives Derek shuts him up long enough for her to go back to Mr. Davis.

* * *

His wife's stubbornness frustrates him, but he knows there's not much he can do about it. She really should get a CT to make sure she isn't hurt more than she thinks. To avoid an argument in the middle of a crisis, Derek keeps his mouth shut.

"Sir, let me take a look at you," he says, taking a penlight out of his white coat.

"It's Delores! My love!" says the man as a woman appears out of nowhere, frantic.

"Dad! There you are. Oh, thank God you're safe," says the woman. "It's Deena," the woman introduces herself. "Delores was my mother; she's been dead for ten years now, but my dad thinks I'm her." The woman makes eye contact with the doctors and sighs. "I really freaked out when I saw the car was gone. My father has Alzheimer's. Did he cause the accident?"

Alzheimer's. Of course. That would explain the sudden bolts of rage and anger toward Meredith.

"We don't know," Derek says as he searches for Meredith, but she's already vanished. "We'll still need to order a head CT to make sure there aren't any other neurological deficits."

"Look, Doctor, my father has been rapidly going downhill for the last three months. I doubt there's really much more that you can do for him," the woman says. The pain on her face makes Derek's heart swell, since he's sure she's right.

What a whammy of a case for Meredith to find on her first day back. He's not surprised she vanished at the word _Alzheimer's_ , considering her history.

Derek grabs an intern and tells her to order a CT anyway.

He's just picked up a Neuro pager when he spots Callie. "Oh, Derek! Thank God you're back!" Callie Torres looks like she's about to hug him. "I was just about to page Neuro. Can you do a Neuro exam on Mr. Emerson and get him up to CT for me? Robbins is paging me to take a look at a kid's broken leg." Frowning, she adds, "I hate it when it's kids."

"Me, too," he agrees with a head shake.

"Did you hear they're saying a guy with Alzheimer's caused the accident?" Callie asks as she starts to walk away.

"Yeah. The guy's in CT right now." Derek sighs.

"What's the point? If the guy's going to die anyway, it might be less painful to die of a hematoma," Callie remarks, leaving Derek stunned as she vanishes around the corner.

Fortunately, there's nothing wrong with Mr. Emerson, so he tells the intern to prepare the discharge papers. Derek proceeds to check on his Alzheimer's patient, only to discover Amelia is already reviewing the images.

"What are you doing here?" she snaps. "Owen said he suspended you."

Derek clenches his fists at the mention of Hunt. He has to bite his lip to stop himself from making a sarcastic comment about Owen and Amelia's relationship status. "Have you seen the ER?" Derek asks instead. "It's a zoo."

"Fair enough." Amelia acknowledges the fact.

"And it's Meredith's first day back to work."

"Oh, so you need to be on standby and hover," his sister says, shaking her head.

"I am not hovering. I'm here, aren't I? Speaking of which, what's going on with my Alzheimer's patient?" Derek asks.

"Well, he doesn't have a brain bleed." Amelia hesitates. "But . . . I don't think he has Alzheimer's, either."

"What?" Derek asks, confused.

"Look, Derek, it's beautiful." Amelia's eyes light up as she points to it. Derek can't miss it. It's clear as day. A big-ass tumor smack dab in the middle of the temporal lobe. As Amelia said . . . it's beautiful.

"Holy crap," Derek curses, just as his pager blares. It's his wife. "It's Meredith, I have to take this. You need to inform the daughter that her father doesn't have Alzheimer's, and we're going to devise a plan to remove this tumor."

He bolts before Amelia can suggest otherwise.

* * *

Her day progresses quite frantically between Mr. Davis and the other victims of the car crash, a married couple, Tom and Blair.

Meredith is almost ready to pawn off Blair to somebody else when she sees she's the least injured _and_ pregnant, but then she knows it has to happen at some point, so it might as well be on her first day. She truly hopes Blair is not one of those people who gushes about her baby all day, or she's definitely pawning her off.

While Blair seems to be doing well, aside from a few cuts and bruises, Tom is not faring so well. His abdominal injuries are extensive, and he has various major fractures that will most likely require surgery.

Meredith strangely feels the pressure of saving a life now that Tom's pregnant wife is watching, which is a very new feeling for her. Yet, she welcomes the thrill of actually seeing his stats improve as she helps Callie reduce his pelvic fracture. While Blair is talking, Meredith kinda tunes her out, grabbing only random words here and there to barely keep a vague understanding of the conversation. She became so good at that part of the job, after all; Derek trained her well.

Yet, when the yapping from Blair stops abruptly, she knows something is wrong.

Indeed, when she turns around, Blair is seizing off her wheelchair and onto the floor.

After a millisecond of panic, Meredith shouts for some Valium and for somebody to page Neuro again, as she tries to keep herself in check and not panic, even though her flight instinct is prominent.

Fleeing looks like the better option again when the Neuro page showing up is Derek.

"Freebie for today, since the ER is swamped," he explains why he's there before she can ask, while he takes control of the situation. "How are you doing?" he asks, nodding towards the direction of her cheek.

"Great," she lies, even though it's still a dull ache. Nothing that hinders her work anyway, after all. "Better than Blair here for sure."

"What happened?"

"I think a subdural hematoma. I wanted her to have a CT, but considering how swamped we are today I told her it might take a while and she preferred to be at Tom's side."

"I hate subdural hematomas just for this," Derek says. "Send her up to the OR, I'll just open her up and see what we can do."

Meredith checks Tom's stats one last time, glad that he has stabilized. She orders one of the interns to monitor him, as she debates going into surgery with Derek or not. She knows he will need extra hands and eyes with the baby, and she knows that all the OB attendings that could help are busy, since they couldn't come down before to check on Blair in the first place. She also knows that Alex is in surgery, and Arizona as well has a long surgery scheduled for the day, so they're not viable options. She doesn't want a first year resident to handle this, so she figures she has to suck it up and be in the OR with Derek.

Before they can transfer Blair to a gurney and hook her up to the monitors though, she's already seizing again. She is fading fast.

"Nevermind, she'll never make it to the OR." Derek voices exactly what she fears.

His eyes meet hers for a few seconds, looking at her, asking if she's staying without saying anything. She nods imperceptibly, reaching for a gown as well, quickly getting herself ready for brain surgery in the ER.

Derek makes a quick and precise incision on her scalp, and blood starts oozing out. Dark, clotted blood, together with bright, lively red.

Meredith hears the flatline in her gut, before Blair's monitors start beeping. Her scalpel is already in her hands.

Derek shocks her heart three times, before he gives her the go. She feels like a butcher, opening up her belly like this – just like they did to her – then pulling out her baby. She feels like a thief.

She hands off the quiet creature to a nurse with shaky hands, a shiver running down her spine. From the corner of her eye, she sees somebody that might be Arizona enter the trauma room, but she's not sure who it really is. Her brain is fully focused on putting the baby as gently as possible in the bassinet.

It's a girl.

Meredith holds her breath until the baby lets out a powerful cry. She lifts up her eyes to meet Derek's, and only then she can see the defeat in his. She can see that there's nothing else to do.

She bolts out of the trauma room before she can hear time of death.

* * *

Derek is quick to leave the reins of the surgery and the baby to Arizona, who understandably nods for him to go.

This is not what Meredith's first day should have been like.

In his ideal world, she would save Tom and Blair and they would name the baby after her. Instead, this new baby might be an orphan in less than a day, and he's not sure he can deal with that either, let alone Meredith.

It takes him a few tries into empty on-call rooms and closets before he finally finds Meredith, standing against the wall into the women's bathroom, staring into space as she breaths heavily.

He knows she hid in here so he would not get in, but a sign outside a door will not keep him from entering. Not when he knows his wife needs him.

"Meredith," he says, his voice low and calm, even though his brain is racing a mile a minute.

Meredith startles when he speaks, blinking rapidly, almost as if she can't properly focus on him. It takes her a second before she says. "I'm okay."

Of course, he doesn't believe her one bit. He's grateful she's not asking him to leave, at least. He comes to stand next to her, leaving a few inches of space between them, so that she's open to moving away if she wants to.

Before Eli, he would know what to do with his wife. Before Eli, holding her and comforting her would be a non-issue. Now, he second-guesses his every move. He's not sure what he's allowed to do anymore, so he goes with what he knows: being there for her.

Meredith keeps breathing, now evenly, next to him, without saying a word.

"Blair is dead, isn't she?" she asks, meeting his eyes. Hers are shimmering green pools of tears.

"She is," he replies. "It's not your fault, Meredith. I would have done the same thing."

"No, you probably would have insisted on a scan," she says, shaking her head and looking down at the tiles.

"I'm not sure I would have. I would have been more concerned with Tom, too."

"Her little girl will never meet her mother, Derek."

He can't really say anything about that. "Tom will be okay because of you."

"He won't be okay, Derek. His wife is dead and he has a baby to raise alone. Do you know how daunting that must be?"

His heart clenches and he answers, even if it's a rhetorical question. "I do know, Mere. I thought I'd have to raise three children on my own for the most part of a day. I know what that's like."

Meredith's eyes meet his again, and he can easily spot more tears there. "I…"

"I wouldn't know what to do without you, Mere." His raw, bare statement is sincere, and both of them are deeply affected by his words.

Derek never imagined he would say something like this, not to her, not to anyone. He's not the kind of guy who admits weakness – thanks to his Neurogod's complex, most likely – and exposing this raw side to his wife is nothing short of terrifying. Yet, she needs to know that he cannot lose her, even if they're drifting apart so easily and their relationship seems to be hanging on by a thread.

They stand in the bathroom in silence for a long minute, absorbing his revelation, before Meredith's eyes divert from his again, going back to stare at the sinks. She suddenly looks much smaller and fragile. Maybe his words were not a good idea at all.

"Derek, I don't think I can come back yet." Her voice is low, but resolute.

"What?" he whispers. He knows how much she loves being a surgeon, so he needs to know more.

"I don't think I'm ready for this just yet. I can't...Derek, if some of Blair's family members show up, I have no idea what to say right now. 'We did everything we could'? It sounds like so much bullshit to me."

"It always kind of sounded like bullshit to me too, unless I really felt like I did everything in my power."

"I don't think I'm ready to give everything I have. I don't know what I have in me anymore."

Her statement chills him. "You...You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

Meredith shakes her head. "And I can't see it. Not yet."

"You will. You can keep talking to Dr. Wyatt and maybe…"

"Derek...I will try, but today is not the day I come back to work."

Her determination shuts him up. Derek knows that he has to support her in her decision, he's just worried about what is going to happen if she never finds her right mindset to go back to being a surgeon. He's tired of being unsure, but for her sake, he'll give her the benefit of the doubt. And he'll try to do everything in his power to make sure Blair and Tom will not be her last patients, ever.

* * *

 **Nicole's A/N: Another chapter down. A lot of you guys have been asking about Bailey's cut in the prologue. Stay tuned for the next chapter. ;)**


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